So, I want to wear 24/7, but...

[wannawet]

 As I said in my newbie post, I am a DL, minor AB, adn I want to be in diapers 24/7, but my Wife is very vanilla and understandably freaked out when I trying to make myself incontinent a couple of years ago. I know it was a selfish thing to do, and that she wouldn't like it, but didn't expect it when She gave me an ultimatum "Diapers or our relationship, oh, and pictures/posts on FB so all your friends know..." ... I was able to get things back to just minor leakage, drips, minor pee when sneeze or cough, adn frequent going due to my 'untraining' .  It took a lot of effort to get my bladder control back to that point... I was night wetting, free peeing during the day, etc... about 60% of the way to total incontinance. 

Since then I have reinjured my lower back, and my 'control' has slipped, even though I am hoonestly trying not to just let go. I use mens pads 24/7, and normally change 3-4 times a day to keep the smell at bay. She doesn't really want to hear about it, but when I have changes in my patterns I let her know so it's not a surprise... 

This morning I woke up around 4:30, REALLY had to pee, and had actually been dreaming that I was. I laid there actually contemplating just letting go, knowing that the pad would not save the bed. I thought about getting up and putting on a pair of the Contfitex absorbent shorts I recently bought, since they have more absorbent area to the back than just a pad, but ended up getting up and using the toilet, then back to bed where I could feel myself dribbling each time I moved. I curled up with my 28" stuffed Wolf plushie and finally drifted off to sleep, wishing I was better protected.. 

I told Wife the short version of this morning, she said "I'm sorry"... 

I'm seriously thinking about ordering some quality pull-ups for night time, something that would maybe get me through the night without having to get up 2-3 times... (Tena Max, or something similar, please let me know if you have any better options), and just hoping things don't go way south with the wife. As much as I WANT to be diapered, I and REALLY trying not to, but am letting nature take it's course ... At 57, almost 58, things start leaking ... 

[~Brian~]

41 minutes ago, wannawet said:

Diapers or our relationship, oh, and pictures/posts on FB so all your friends know..."

@wannawet

This is definitely an ultimatum:  The problem is that when you are in a relationship, it is a two way street.  You may have tried years ago to make yourself incontinent (Which by the way, I always try to discourage, because you can hurt yourself and damage yourself in more ways than one.  I always caution people that, it may sound fun, and you may WANT to wear really bad, and you think that being incontinent is always FUN - It is for a while, and after a time, the allure and attractions that made you want to be incontinent and use diapers fades, and it becomes a CHORE to have to do all that cleanup and laundry, and there are other negatives to wanting to be IC.) but it sounds to me like you ARE incontinent sir, and you have reinjured your back, and you have REASON to wear:  Or you will be peeing all over the place, at any time.  If you are 57, you probably know and understand that you could have issues of incontinence.  

I Must take issue with your wife's statement:  Its one thing if what you are doing is placing a strain on your relationship.  IF you didn't have a medical condition or conditions that are causing problems, I would probably advise that you speak to your wife and come to an agreement, and then keep your end of the bargain.......BUT this is NOT the case, and i don't think "shaming you" is an appropriate response.  There are people that have reasons for wearing and using diapers, and If I was in your shoes, I would be getting diapers, and using them.

YOUR situation is quite DIFFERENT sir:  You have a bona fide REASON to wear diapers.  If you don't use protection, you will wet the bed, or probably your pants, or a chair, or whatever you are sitting on.  Because of trying to make yourself incontinent, you have had issues, and you learned how to control some of it.  NOW, with your injury to your back, and having to pee badly like you described, all that will happen is that you are gonna feel it, RUN like crazy, trying to hold it, so you can pee in the toilet.  If you don't have the best luck with that, you SHOULD wear protection.  You made yourself incontinent, and were "60% there", then you learned to control it somewhat again.  This is GOOD, BUT all bets are OFF, and the situation has changed. 

You are INJURED:  That means like you said "My control is slipping". As men age, they may have problems with their prostate as well, and I would hope that your wife remembers that it is "for better or worse........"  This means that it should not matter whether you wear diapers or not:  How can your wife hold that against you?  you have a REASON to, and I would hope that your wife is NOT gonna leave you are be upset with you because something changed, and you are not able to hold it back anymore, and you wet OR mess:  I struggled with incontinence both ways in June, July and August of 2019:  I was wetting and messing, and I was doing what you were:  I asked the doctor for help, and told him I needed diapers:  My mobility is not as good as it was, and I have Cerebral Palsy - I have dealt with Incontinence, IBS, Diverticulitis and wet and messy beds, clothes, and the like.  I decided to go with diapers:  Best decision I made.

I would hope that your wife is understanding of your plight, and understands what you are going through.  Far to many relationships are ruined because of "a soft white piece of cotton and plastic with tapes" @Evelyn Dellcerro has stated this as well, and I think its a shame that your wife would kill a relationship because of diapers:  You NEED them.  I would sit down with your wife, and explain what is going on, and let her know:  Hopefully, she will empathize with you, and understand that this is NOT like before, but that the situation is getting worse - hopefully she will understand, and agree that you need to move to the "Next Level" and deal with the issue, before it can cause more problems then just wet items.

FWIW:  I would NEVER threaten to post pictures or status messages on ANY social media platforms about personal issues like this.  Far too often Social Media platforms are used like they used to have "Barkers" at fairgrounds back in the day.  NOT ONLY is it No one else's BUSINESS but YOURS and your WIFE'S, it makes a spectral of your plight, and the ONLY people that should know about it is you, the doctor, your wife and anyone else you THINK need know about it.  What she is threatening to do is to "out you" as a diaper wearer, and that's where I would draw a LINE:  There are many things i may post to Social media, my websites, Twitter, or forum boards, BUT I do NOT post things that are of a sensitve or personal nature - There are Times when things are better left UNPOSTED, and i think this is one of them.  Oh, btw, when I started wearing diapers, one of my contractors that provide in home assistance decided to "OUT ME" to the people I work with, and I had to clean up a MESS because of it.

Good Luck!

Brian

[Rob110]

  If you are now experiencing bladder control its time to see an urologist ask your wife to dome with you for your appointment this way she can ask any questions she may have and so she can see its a real medical need.    My wife came with me and had done some research before the appointment and she had already decided I would skip the meds and head straight into diapers 24/7.   

  Diapers can be the best option since theres no side effects and they are way more practical then a catheter and leg bag if you do not have a retention problem, Its been 6.5 years now for me and I have no regrets choosing diapers to manage my IC issue even though I have now lost any remaining control I had.

  Tapped diapers are way less embarrassing then wet pants and way less stressful then racing to the bathroom and not making it,  your wife will understand a medical need vrs a desire to wear and use by choice get your self an appointment with an as soon as you can and keep your wife informed about how your bladder issues are progressing and how worried you are about having an accident at work or on public she may surprise you and recommend you wear a tapped diaper while you wait for your urologist appointment.

 

 

[rusty pins]

I agree with both of the posted answers to a point.  A desire for something or a fetish can be very strong and often cloud a person's judgement.  When a person can't control his desires, bad things can happen, such as the case of a person who rapes and sexually assaults someone and ends up in jail.

I agree you should see a urologist and make sure you have no serious medical issues.  You said in the past you tried to make yourself incontinent and your wife gave you an ultimatum.  That tells me that even if you do have a medical issue, you would still have the desires to make yourself incontinent in order to wear diapers 24/7.  If you do have a weakening bladder or an actual need for some protection has come up, it may be very hard convincing your wife of it based on your previous attempt to physically make yourself incontinent and her knowledge of that. 

While it may be true that you do have some dribbling (have your prostate checked), you said, "This morning I woke up around 4:30, REALLY had to pee, and had actually been dreaming that I was. I laid there actually contemplating just letting go, knowing that the pad would not save the bed. I thought about getting up and putting on a pair of the Contfitex absorbent shorts I recently bought, since they have more absorbent area to the back than just a pad, but ended up getting up and using the toilet."  You could have just got up and used the toilet but your desires were first to think about just wetting in the bed or getting up to put on some protection that still would have probably gotten the bed wet.  That tells me your desires are so deeply ingrained that your first thought is not getting up to use the toilet but to just wet yourself.

While I myself don't have any desire to make myself incontinent or even wear 24/7/365, I know many people here do.  I've always said if you goal is to wear diapers 24/7 you don't have to physically make yourself incontinent to do so, but I realize for some people that is a big part of it.  You can still wear diapers 24/7 or whenever you want to, but keeping your continence gives you more options if a situation arises.

What I'm getting from your post is three things.  1, you want to wear diapers 24/7 and become incontinent.  2, your wife disapproves and gave you an ultimatum.  3, you may have some actual bladder issues that might require you to wear some protection and you are happy about it.

My advise is to step back and take a rational view of your life when your diaper urges are not so strong.  What's more important to you?  Wearing diapers 24/7/365 because of a very strong deep down embedded fetish for them,  or your marriage?  How is your marriage overall?  I mean, there are always ups and downs in any relationship but is it a solid marriage?  Do you still really love each other and want to continue your life together?  It would be sad to let a diaper fetish take over your life to the point it ends a good happy marriage.  You yourself have to decide what's more important - wearing diapers 24/7 or controlling those urges and continuing a happy marriage with your wife.  Now, I'm not talking here about an actual need for more discreet pads or some kind of disposable underwear for an actual dribbling need, I'm taking about full blown diapers just to fulfill your diaper desires.

As stated, there has to be compromise and a give and take on both sides of any relationship.  Frankly, it's very selfish of you to wear diapers 24/7/365 when you know your wife is so against it and it bothers her so much.  Look at it from her point of view, and I've said this before.  She married someone she fell in love with.  In her mind you are her manly hunky stud and protector that she fell in love with.  You have probably shattered that image by wearing diapers, not something she signed on for when you got married.  It's really not fair to her.

On the other hand, you need that give and take and compromise.  She is now aware that you have a diaper fetish and that you want to wear them.  It's wrong of her to completely deny this part of you and demand that you cease and desist from wearing diapers.  Here is where you need to come to an agreement, a meeting of the minds.  While it is both wrong for you to demand wearing 24/7 and her to demand you stop wearing compleatly, meet half way.  Decide you will wear on some days but not others.  Maybe wear to work or when she's not around, or some days at home.  Bringing up the topic of you wearing diapers on those agreed upon days is taboo.  Likewise, on those days you have agreed not to wear diapers, you need to stick by them and don't sneak around and do it anyway. 

Be open to special negotiations too.  If something comes up and the wife says it's not appropriate to wear a diaper on one of your agreed upon days (maybe special friends or relatives are stopping by, an intimate dinner together at a fancy restaurant or you have an event you have to go to), give up that day in diapers but instead negotiate another day that is not a regular diaper day to make up for it.  Also on your diaper days be sensitive to your wife's feelings and don't flaunt it in front of her.  She knows you are wearing, you don't have to walk around the house openly in diapers.  Do your changes behind closed doors when she's not around and try to be as discreet as you can be, knowing she is so strongly opposed to your diapers.

Likewise, on your negotiated diaper days, the subject is not open with her to comment or say anything to you about it.  It's taboo, you have agreed on specific terms and that's the end of it.

Remember, you do not live alone with the freedom to just do as you please at your every whim.  You have made a "for better or for worse" marriage contract with another person and either you live by it and work things out, or you end the marriage and go your separate ways. To me it would be sad to end a good life long loving marriage over a diaper fetish.  It says to a spouse, "I care more about wearing diapers than I care for you".

[~Brian~]

4 hours ago, Rob110 said:

I would skip the meds and head straight into diapers 24/7.   

  Diapers can be the best option since theres no side effects and they are way more practical then a catheter and leg bag if you do not have a retention problem, Its been 6.5 years now for me and I have no regrets choosing diapers to manage my IC issue even though I have now lost any remaining control I had.

@wannawet@Rob110

I also elected to check with my doctor.  I have a bona fide disability in that I have CP, and that can also bring with it a host of other conditions, that on the surface, may be easy to deal with, but add a disability or an injury, and that makes dealing with it more difficult.   I KNOW that you CAN and often DO see incontinence in some form if you are disabled.  Asking the doctor MY questions helped me to make the choice.  I just didn't want some dweeb at the State get the doctor's request (Prior Authorization for the diapers) and have them insist that I go to specialist after specialist.  Sure, if I had a problem that I needed checked, I would go to the appropriate person (pulmonology, Orthopedics, PT/OT/Aquatics/primary care Physician) but in my estimation who is the "specialist" when it comes to MY body, my limits, my health, etc?  It is NOT the fools that want me to be tested to see if my IC can be cured.  It's ME - and the doctor can be a guide, because in reality, he works as a member of a TEAM, and he is the "specialist" that I will ask for opinions - If HE ordered a specialist, there is good reason.  I asked him to diagnose me as incontinent BOTH ways and if there were indications that it could get worse over time, and he seemed to be in agreement that it is possible. 

I look at it this way:  I KNOW I have a condition that is a "disabling condition" in that I have CP.  I also know that it can cause problems with bones, muscles, tendons, skeletory and nerves. It is NOT uncommon to see incontinence in people with CP and other conditions.  I asked the doctor if he would make additional findings that I am SEVERELY incontinent, and he said that he would do that, using CP as the basis of diagnosis, and the fact that my mobility was limited.  I also asked him IF we could bypass the Urologists, and other things.  I did that, because why do I need to CURE this condition, if I can MANAGE it.  The Doctor is the "specialist" and he knows my conditions and health statuses.  He prescribed the diapers, and then, after 3 months, submitted the PA for the Plastic Backed "real" diapers, which was approved in 3 additional days.  I also asked the doctor to put in my "diagnosis list" the code for incontinence, and he noted "incontinence of feces and urine" on there.  Since any medical practice that sees me can pull those records, they can SEE that, and add to them anything they need.  I did that, so in the event I am in a hospital, and someone sees me diapered, or I ask for them, there would be NO questions, and any contractor that works with me knows of this condition.  I would then be offered that

@Rob110is correct:  skip the DRUGS and go with the diapers 24/7.  I don't like to take any meds that I don't ABSOLUTELY need, and as a kid, I was being loaded up with Ritalin because they told me "I needed it to pay attention in school". That would have been OK, if they would NOT have steadily INCREASED the Strength of, frequency of, or number of PILLS I was taking.  I started with 1, then 2, then 3, then 4, then when they didn't think that worked, they had me taking 8 PILLS (4 in morning, 4 in evening)
What they didn't realize is that it was messing with my emotional health, and I would start crying for stupid reasons, would defy my mom, and not know why, or I would say or do things that were NOT me.  I had ENOUGH of that one day, asked for them to take me OFF it, was DENIED by my parents, and then when at my dads, he gave me the meds when i was staying with him for the night.  I didn't take them, and further, took the WHOLE BOTTLE of that stuff and DUMPED it down the drain:  My Parents were angry, and I stood up to them:  I DEMANDED to see the doctor that gave me the meds, and the reason I did it that way, is because then, the script would have to be renewed, and I then was able to get them to take me OFF of that.  I was NOT even in control of myself on the meds, and getting busted for things that were NOT really things i would do.  Asked that doctor a frank question: "is there something WRONG with the way I do things?" she wondered what i meant:  Told her that I wasn't myself, and she laughed at me, thinking I was just a stupid KID:  I said "OK". WHAT is the function of this DRUG?" and she says "to help you pay attention in class."  I told her that this drug is NOT needed, and if it was, that you should give it to the 24 others in class that "can't pay attention."  I WON:  I told her that if I keep taking this stuff, that I will NOT be held responsible for my behavior or actions or take the consequences, because at LEAST when I was NOT on it, and I did something wrong, I KNEW what I was doing, that it was wrong, and could control myself. Once off Ritalin, I was MYSELF again, and was not in a haze, feeling like a zombied robot.   Moral of story:  DRUGS are not always needed or effective, and in my case, I didn't even know what the hell was going on, and was all over the place emotionally and it was because of this DRUG, and the 70's and 80's mentality that the way to help kids behave or fix this was to "drug you up."  This is why I am AGAINST involuntary medicating people, UNLESS ABSOLUTELY Necessary. 

Diapers are the best option.  There are no side effects, no UTI's, no catheters, no leg bag, no way you can injure yourself with stents or any of that.  I didn't think that going to a Urologist was necessary, because my disability was changing things.  i wanted a solution, and this takes care of the incontinence issues, and helps me deal with the emotional needs, and satisfies the feelings that I had to suppress all these years.  I also don't have to worry anymore, and if i use my diaper, I know that I have the piece of mind to deal with it. 

I figure that if i have to wear and use diapers for the rest of my life, this is a hell of a lot better than having problems mentally, physically, emotionally or physiologically.  I am NOT going to fight nature, or the feelings I have.  i am incontinent and a DL also, so now, I don't have to hide this.

Good Luck!

Brian

 

[wannawet]

4 hours ago, rusty pins said:

I agree with both of the posted answers to a point.  A desire for something or a fetish can be very strong and often cloud a person's judgement.  When a person can't control his desires, bad things can happen, such as the case of a person who rapes and sexually assaults someone and ends up in jail.

I agree you should see a urologist and make sure you have no serious medical issues.  You said in the past you tried to make yourself incontinent and your wife gave you an ultimatum.  That tells me that even if you do have a medical issue, you would still have the desires to make yourself incontinent in order to wear diapers 24/7.  If you do have a weakening bladder or an actual need for some protection has come up, it may be very hard convincing your wife of it based on your previous attempt to physically make yourself incontinent and her knowledge of that. 

While it may be true that you do have some dribbling (have your prostate checked), you said, "This morning I woke up around 4:30, REALLY had to pee, and had actually been dreaming that I was. I laid there actually contemplating just letting go, knowing that the pad would not save the bed. I thought about getting up and putting on a pair of the Contfitex absorbent shorts I recently bought, since they have more absorbent area to the back than just a pad, but ended up getting up and using the toilet."  You could have just got up and used the toilet but your desires were first to think about just wetting in the bed or getting up to put on some protection that still would have probably gotten the bed wet.  That tells me your desires are so deeply ingrained that your first thought is not getting up to use the toilet but to just wet yourself.

While I myself don't have any desire to make myself incontinent or even wear 24/7/365, I know many people here do.  I've always said if you goal is to wear diapers 24/7 you don't have to physically make yourself incontinent to do so, but I realize for some people that is a big part of it.  You can still wear diapers 24/7 or whenever you want to, but keeping your continence gives you more options if a situation arises.

What I'm getting from your post is three things.  1, you want to wear diapers 24/7 and become incontinent.  2, your wife disapproves and gave you an ultimatum.  3, you may have some actual bladder issues that might require you to wear some protection and you are happy about it.

My advise is to step back and take a rational view of your life when your diaper urges are not so strong.  What's more important to you?  Wearing diapers 24/7/365 because of a very strong deep down embedded fetish for them,  or your marriage?  How is your marriage overall?  I mean, there are always ups and downs in any relationship but is it a solid marriage?  Do you still really love each other and want to continue your life together?  It would be sad to let a diaper fetish take over your life to the point it ends a good happy marriage.  You yourself have to decide what's more important - wearing diapers 24/7 or controlling those urges and continuing a happy marriage with your wife.  Now, I'm not talking here about an actual need for more discreet pads or some kind of disposable underwear for an actual dribbling need, I'm taking about full blown diapers just to fulfill your diaper desires.

As stated, there has to be compromise and a give and take on both sides of any relationship.  Frankly, it's very selfish of you to wear diapers 24/7/365 when you know your wife is so against it and it bothers her so much.  Look at it from her point of view, and I've said this before.  She married someone she fell in love with.  In her mind you are her manly hunky stud and protector that she fell in love with.  You have probably shattered that image by wearing diapers, not something she signed on for when you got married.  It's really not fair to her.

On the other hand, you need that give and take and compromise.  She is now aware that you have a diaper fetish and that you want to wear them.  It's wrong of her to completely deny this part of you and demand that you cease and desist from wearing diapers.  Here is where you need to come to an agreement, a meeting of the minds.  While it is both wrong for you to demand wearing 24/7 and her to demand you stop wearing compleatly, meet half way.  Decide you will wear on some days but not others.  Maybe wear to work or when she's not around, or some days at home.  Bringing up the topic of you wearing diapers on those agreed upon days is taboo.  Likewise, on those days you have agreed not to wear diapers, you need to stick by them and don't sneak around and do it anyway. 

Be open to special negotiations too.  If something comes up and the wife says it's not appropriate to wear a diaper on one of your agreed upon days (maybe special friends or relatives are stopping by or you have an event you have to go to), give up that day in diapers but instead negotiate another day that is not a regular diaper day to make up for it.  Also on your diaper days be sensitive to your wife's feelings and don't flaunt it in front of her.  She knows you are wearing, you don't have to walk around the house openly in diapers.  Do your changes behind closed doors when she's not around and try to be as discreet as you can be, knowing she is so strongly opposed to your diapers.

Likewise, on your negotiated diaper days, the subject is not open with her to comment or say anything to you about it.  It's taboo, you have agreed on specific terms and that's the end of it.

Remember, you do not live alone with the freedom to just do as you please at your every whim.  You have made a "for better or for worse" marriage contract with another person and either you live by it and work things out, or you end the marriage and go your separate ways. To me it would be sad to end a good life long loving marriage over a diaper fetish.  It says to a spouse, "I care more about wearing diapers than I care for you".

To try to clarify, when I woke up needing to pee, after dreaming I had, I really just wanted to not have to get up. Have been sleeping poorly, and if I get up around that time the dog gets up and wants to go out, so I end up outside until he pees, by then I'm too awake to get back to sleep, since I get up at 5:30 anyway... wetting was not really an option, but wishing I could then just go back to sleep, that sounded so good.... 

[needchanging49]

I have found using Rearz Alpacas+2 northshore boosters works for me will go for all night or 12 to 14 hours with out leaks

[~Brian~]

2 hours ago, wannawet said:

To try to clarify, when I woke up needing to pee, after dreaming I had, I really just wanted to not have to get up. Have been sleeping poorly, and if I get up around that time the dog gets up and wants to go out, so I end up outside until he pees, by then I'm too awake to get back to sleep, since I get up at 5:30 anyway... wetting was not really an option, but wishing I could then just go back to sleep, that sounded so good.... 

@wannawet

From what I read, you are dreaming that you are using the potty, but wake up and find that you really have to go, and may not make it:  One of my problems, and one reason I wear and use diapers (Megamax) is because I was spending 45 minutes to an HOUR in the bathroom 2-3 times a night, and that causes me to lose SLEEP.  Once i started wearing and using diapers to deal with my issues, I would diaper up, and if i had to pee or poop, the diaper was there, and it was easier to deal with a wet diaper, then wet floors and the like. 

Ever since I started wearing and using diapers like this, my sleep has improved.  If you had that diaper on, at LEAST you wouldn't have to GET up and deal with it, unless there is a wet bed or clothing, as the diaper allows you to pee and not worry about it.

Good Luck!

Brian

[needchanging49]

26 minutes ago, ~Brian~ said:

@wannawet

From what I read, you are dreaming that you are using the potty, but wake up and find that you really have to go, and may not make it:  One of my problems, and one reason I wear and use diapers (Megamax) is because I was spending 45 minutes to an HOUR in the bathroom 2-3 times a night, and that causes me to lose SLEEP.  Once i started wearing and using diapers to deal with my issues, I would diaper up, and if i had to pee or poop, the diaper was there, and it was easier to deal with a wet diaper, then wet floors and the like. 

Ever since I started wearing and using diapers like this, my sleep has improved.  If you had that diaper on, at LEAST you wouldn't have to GET up and deal with it, unless there is a wet bed or clothing, as the diaper allows you to pee and not worry about it.

Good Luck!

Brian

Brian has it right t some point it is better to wear and use the diaper than fight with your need to toilet

 

[oznl]

On 6/27/2021 at 3:59 AM, wannawet said:

She gave me an ultimatum "Diapers or our relationship, oh, and pictures/posts on FB so all your friends know..."

I think I just need to calibrate my understanding here:  she told you that if you didn't give up diapers she would end her relationship with you and out you to all of your friends?

[wannawet]

2 hours ago, oznl said:

I think I just need to calibrate my understanding here:  she told you that if you didn't give up diapers she would end her relationship with you and out you to all of your friends?

Yep.... she found out I was trying to become urinary incontinent, on purpose, was honestly having leakage issues, but took it upon myself to compound them. I know I went about the whole thing all wrong, and don't want a repeat. That is my dilema... 

Having legit leakage issues, urge issues, and deep in my mind really want to be in diapers, but fighting to keep the control I have to maintain the relationship.... 

[oznl]

Just now, wannawet said:

fighting to keep the control I have to maintain the relationship.... 

Sorry, WHAT relationship are you trying to maintain?  It appears to be one of blackmailer and victim.  Perhaps she said it in jest, or as an idle threat but these excuses are at best mediocre mitigating factors.

The extent of her remedy here is to leave you.  Nothing more.  That seems harsh but in fact, we have no more right to demand our spouses put up with this than they have to betray a marriage in an attempt to blow up our worlds or even to threaten this as a kind of marital "nuclear deterrent".  I don't think I could ever look at my spouse the same way if she made such a threat (she would not, she is better than I give her credit for).

Perhaps you can salvage something of the situation by convincing her that this proclivity is not one that we choose but one that we cope with as best as we can.

Perhaps she can salvage something of the situation by convincing you that her threat was an emotional heat-of-the-moment outburst and not a considered strategy.

If she truly meant her threat then I consider you to be in an abusive relationship.  Sorry to be blunt.  I think you need to stand your ground.

 

 

[wannawet]

6 minutes ago, oznl said:

Sorry, WHAT relationship are you trying to maintain?  It appears to be one of blackmailer and victim.  Perhaps she said it in jest, or as an idle threat but these excuses are at best mediocre mitigating factors.

The extent of her remedy here is to leave you.  Nothing more.  That seems harsh but in fact, we have no more right to demand our spouses put up with this than they have to betray a marriage in an attempt to blow up our worlds or even to threaten this as a kind of marital "nuclear deterrent".  I don't think I could ever look at my spouse the same way if she made such a threat (she would not, she is better than I give her credit for).

Perhaps you can salvage something of the situation by convincing her that this proclivity is not one that we choose but one that we cope with as best as we can.

Perhaps she can salvage something of the situation by convincing you that her threat was an emotional heat-of-the-moment outburst and not a considered strategy.

If she truly meant her threat then I consider you to be in an abusive relationship.  Sorry to be blunt.  I think you need to stand your ground.

 

 

8 years ago, I 'gave myself to her', renew of vows, but giving her the dominant role in the relationship. Yes, dom/sub.... She is not overly strict, but definitely has hard limits, this is one... A common phrase here 'there is no going back, only forward to the next reality'. Her reality is that diapers are a deal breaker.

 

Our relationship is well above average, things work very well, and life is good. 

 

[oznl]

4 minutes ago, wannawet said:

8 years ago, I 'gave myself to her', renew of vows, but giving her the dominant role in the relationship. Yes, dom/sub.... She is not overly strict, but definitely has hard limits, this is one... A common phrase here 'there is no going back, only forward to the next reality'. Her reality is that diapers are a deal breaker.

 

Our relationship is well above average, things work very well, and life is good. 

 

I guess if the relationship dynamic is such that you WISH to be threatened in this way then so be it but if there's anything I've learned about my similar-situation, it's that I cannot change it and attempting to repress it is a shortcut to anxiety and depression.  I eventually gained a degree of tolerance from my spouse when she finally understood that this wiring fault is deep, irreparable and not of my choosing, I'm just dealing with it.  When I first went 24/7, I offered her the "out" of an amicable separation and happily, she did not want to do that.   The whole story is in the very early chapters of my "strange days" blog.

[doogles]

3 hours ago, wannawet said:

Our relationship is well above average, things work very well, and life is good. 

It really isn't. I'm betting that you've been married a while, and that is the reason that neither of you is willing to directly face the fact that YOU have hard limits that you didn't defend. You capitulated and told her that you would change when you could only hide it because you love her. I know the feeling. Creating an uneasy peace where you get some of what you want instead of nothing, and she gets most of what she wants instead of nothing.

 

It is either ok or a nightmare. I think about the choices I make that make me happy and at what cost to my partner. I might be to cowardly to address this, too.

[rusty pins]

I know some people just love being dominated all the time.  Embarrassed, humiliated, treated like a slave, etc.  If that's your thing, fine.  Not for me though.  I wouldn't take that from anyone.  If it happened the first time, I'd sit the other person down and have a frank discussion.  The second time, that would be it!  I say if you like it, fine.  If you don't and it happens, grow some balls and stand up for yourself!  The longer you let it go, the more it will happen and the harder it will be to fix it.

I also get the idea of wanting good sleep.  I get up to pee 3 to sometimes 6 times a night.  I never want to have to sleep in diapers and years ago I started keeping a urinal on my dresser  Amazon.com: Gloveleya Male Urinals for Men Portable Plastic Urinal Travel Pee Bottle 32oz./1000ML: Home Improvement  Even though the bathroom is directly across the hall from my bedroom, maybe 15 feet from my bed, it's easy for me to just get up, pee in the urinal and hop right back in bed.  I understand the thing with the dog, but this works for me. 

[wannawet]

6 hours ago, doogles said:

It really isn't. I'm betting that you've been married a while, and that is the reason that neither of you is willing to directly face the fact that YOU have hard limits that you didn't defend. You capitulated and told her that you would change when you could only hide it because you love her. I know the feeling. Creating an uneasy peace where you get some of what you want instead of nothing, and she gets most of what she wants instead of nothing.

 

It is either ok or a nightmare. I think about the choices I make that make me happy and at what cost to my partner. I might be to cowardly to address this, too.

I'm not here to have others tell me how my relationship with my wife is, are there issues? Yes, but every relationship has things we give and take to make the whole thing work. I have added info on this thread not to vilify her, but to explain my current situation. I will not be leaving her over this, will not counter with my own ultimatum, etc. I know her reasons for her reaction, and where they are rooted in her past, and we are both working on past trauma issues. The fact I would intentionally try to become incontinent, to HAVE to be diapered, was too much. 

I will continue to let her know how things are going, and am making an appointment to see my PCM to discuss the current changes in bladder leakage, etc. I appreciate the concern for what seems to be abusive, but I am actually glad that she has opened up enough since we have been together to speak her mind, set limits and make rules.... 

If things, bladder wise, continue to degrade we will figure them out.... if the doctors figure something out, great, but if I move to quality pullups, or eventually end up diapered we will figure it out, as long as I actually NEED them, not just want.... 

[~Brian~]

21 hours ago, ~Brian~ said:

I was spending 45 minutes to an HOUR in the bathroom 2-3 times a night, and that causes me to lose SLEEP.  Once i started wearing and using diapers to deal with my issues, I would diaper up, and if i had to pee or poop, the diaper was there, and it was easier to deal with a wet diaper, then wet floors and the like. 

@wannawet

This statement RIGHT ABOVE this response, is so TRUE, because I had to spend time on the potty starting at 1:30AM EDT, and when I came back is was like 2:30:  I changed my diaper, used it again, then changed, and was dry this morning.  The second time I felt the urge, was in the bathroom from 2:30-3:15AM EDT, so after getting all set it was almost 4AM.  IF I did NOT have the diapers ON or Available, then I would have possibly not made it to the bathroom, or would have messed or peed in the diaper, and had to change.  This is a given.  I do that, because I CAN'T always get up that fast, or maybe I don't WANT to:  Sleep is important, and CP sometimes says " NOPE, you aren't doing this" (When this happens, sometimes, I grab for the safety rails on my wall and into the floor, and I may NOT be able to hold on for long because my legs or knees "give out" on me, or because they spasm as well, and I may FALL because of this.) and my body makes it hard to move, or makes my legs or thighs hurt or spasm - I use Baclophen for that and today, I can move, and did a workout at rehab - feel good too.

If you intentionally made yourself 60% incontinent because you WANTED diapers, and your wife disapproves, and you DON'T have a bona fide reason, other than "I want them", then that is on YOU, as you stated.  You NOW have a REASON that is obvious, and while I understand the dynamic that your wife is the DOM, and you are the SUB, She will now HAVE to deal with your medical issues, and if a doctor decides that you need protection, YOU NEED it - Even if he did NOT say you needed, it this decision IS YOURS, and you have to make THIS decision:  Your wife may not LIKE that, and she may balk and make noise about this, but the idea here is, in ANY relationship, there is "give and take". I am not here to judge or condemn your wife, your relationship or anything like that, BUT you DO have a problem, and your wife will have to give a little.

I have been with girlfriends before, and basically, it is always happened that either the girl dumps me, because of something I did, said or did NOT say.  I have also ended relationships with women who try to "order me around" and make me feel like the mud on the bottom of my shoes.  I have been there, done that, been lied to, and possibly cheated on, but I always TRY to remain loyal to ONE woman:  I don't think that sometimes I will find the future "Mrs", but I am hopeful that someone will come along that is loving, caring, compassionate, and UNDERSTANDS the way I "tick" and will NOT dump me like in the past.  @Evelyn Dellcerro and @Transfusionelle have told me that I should always keep an OPEN mind, and that I am a loving guy with a BIG heart, which I am - They are RIGHT, I am hopeful - MAYBE someone will come along that LOVES me for who I am, WHAT I am, and WILL NOT take advantage of me - Love is a two way street, and I am willing, and able and LOYAL - If I could find the right person, that would be cool.

My ONE thing is:  The person who is the "future Mrs. Brian" would have to UNDERSTAND and ACCEPT the following:

1.  I am disabled in BODY NOT MIND: I can't help that, and my CP and other conditions probably will get worse,  If they Don't then my body or something else may change.  Regardless of that, I want someone that will be there as much for ME as I am for HER.  I don't care whether I am a "withered old prune" the idea is that I will take care of her, but she may have to take care of me.  My BRAIN is Good, so I can think and reason, but sometimes I wonder:  who would have me?  I know that someone may be out there, so I will keep an open mind, maybe something good will happen.

2.  I have issues with incontinence and use diapers:  She would have to accept this, and accept that I use them, and understand that I have made the choice to wear and use them to help me.  Most close friends understand that disabled people sometimes have to do this, and are accepting of this.  I can't help that my body changed, and so did my control - I LIKE diapers too, so maybe I will find someone who likes them, I don't know.  However, I am NOT gonna have someone tell me that wearing, using, or liking diapers  is a "deal breaker" because I NEED them, and I am NOT gonna change that - it is just the way it is.  I also use this site, and that is that.

You see, I am looking for someone who is "special to me" and loves me for who and what I am - I don't want a woman dropping bombs like ultimatums and threats to expose me - THAT is wrong  - and I WON'T stand for that - You have to understand that some things are BEST LEFT OUT of the social media spectrum, and exposure like that is libel to backfire - some dude or lady will read that, and it could lead to people "speculating" or taking the information and spinning it the wrong way, making assumptions and spreading RUMORS, and innuendos.  It has also lead to losing jobs or could be used (because prospective employers may look at social media pages to see what kind of person you are). against you in the hiring process, or possibly lead to losing promotions or maybe you want a new job?  Posting "the poop" on someone like that is NOT the way to Go:  You MAY regret that).

I empathize and sympathize with you sir:  You will have to decide how you are going to deal with this issue:  You and your wife will have to decide how using diapers or other protection will work.  I am also NOT here to tell you how to deal with your wife, I just find that "social media shaming" is NOT acceptable, and in these days of electronic communications, it is REALLY Easy to have someone threaten to, and then actually DO what they say they want to do.  I don't condone threats like this, and the information should be between YOU and your doctor(s) and your WIFE:  Period!

Good Luck!

Brian

 

Edited June 28, 2021 by ~Brian~
Added Additional Information

[wannawet]

thank you Brian, my comment wasn't pointed at you in particular.  Yes, wife and I will have to find a mutually acceptable point, that will shift if and when my body does.... If I was single, or even in a serious but not married situation things would be different, much different, but I am married, for better or worse...

[rusty pins]

I also want to clarify one thing.  This is an "Incontinent Desires" forum and is for the purpose of those who wish they were incontinent, want to make themselves incontinent, become incontinent and need to wear 24/7/365.  It is their forum and has been said before, it's not the place of those with opposite opinions to try and change the minds of others or tell them what not to do.

My sole point in my posts have to do with a marriage or relationship.  If your desire is to make yourself incontinent by some means and have to wear diapers 24/7, fine!  If that's what you want and desire, I'm not here to tell you it's wrong.  I'm just pointing out that it may be at a risk of a marriage when the other person is dead set against it, and if both parties can't come to an agreement, is one or the other person's unmovable stance worth ending a marriage or relationship?  That's all I'm saying to get people to look at all sides without the rose colored glasses on.

[oznl]

A lot of confused people come here.  A lot of other confused people (including me) try to help.

The whole “desist or I will dump you and out you” thing hits a bit of a raw nerve in the ABDL community.  Unfortunately, infidelity (even if it is only intellectual in dimension) is a thing.  There are a number of us who have been dumped by their partners who have then gone on to weaponise their insight into our ABDL proclivities in what is a significant betrayal of trust.  It’s hard to look past that.

However, in your case you suggest that this threat is semi-consensual in the context of a sub/dom relationship.  Ok.  Clearly I’m in no position to be judgmental about unusual lifestyle choices ?

As @rusty pinspoints out, your thread is in a subforum called “Incontinent Desires” and its title is “So, I want to wear 24/7, but…”  It’s not surprising then that many would conclude that this is another case of opportunistic-incontinence seeking to avoid partner repression of a strange-but-ineffable core emotional drover.

Yes, I hear you.  As a late 50s male, things don’t work factory-fresh down there anymore and managing that can be a PITA but the primary go-to solution for 99% of the affected population would be a urologist referral, NOT to take to diapers and have done with bothering (yes, I am in the 1%).

Perhaps your partner would seize upon the social sanction for adult diapering that reduced continence provides and relax her prohibitionist stance.

Perhaps your partner would choose to see the signal above the noise and recognize this as likely a Trojan horse and react accordingly.

In my case, I was fixated on being diapered ALL the time, not just on Saturday nights.  @rusty pinsthinks that for him, that’s just hedonistic running amok in pursuit of too much of a good thing, I think that for me, it’s therapy for a dysphoria that could no more be satiated episodically than a transgender person might be content with episodic transitioning.

Your path forward might be better illuminated by understanding which type of DL you are and maybe working from there.

 

If you're looking for validation for wearing diapers, you'll find it here in abundance.  If you're looking for insights, don't be afraid of those dissenting views.