doogles

This is a really powerful couple of questions that really get at the heart of this forum. It's actually crystallizing my own desires. Wearing diapers is such a comforting and protecting experience that I remember how I would immediately gravitate towards them any time I felt stressed. Now, I am always stressed, and I worry that life will somehow take away this refuge. I would rather need them than risk the trauma and realization that life will inflict such cruelties so efficiently that it seems to be designed that way. None of us are asking for special treatment or anything outside the system. We definitely don't want to force the spectre of our needs into the public. It's the self care that works for us.

It's officially been two months, and I've had double digit instances of waking up in a wet bed or a diaper I do not remember soaking before I went to sleep. In addition, upon awaking, I generally don't need to use the bathroom, and I'm staying pretty hydrated. I feel pretty convinced that it is a big risk to sleep without protection now. That is 100% the feeling I have.

Yeah...don't know what that was about, but anyway... It's a weird feeling because I know a lot of people here would be envious of me, but for me, the draw was that I could go back to normal at any time. I think what I'll do is just try to enjoy it as much as I can.

I guess I got a bit of what I wanted: I'm now a bedwetter. No stent involved. I'm really not sure how to feel about this, but I guess I'm going to have to pack diapers any time I go on vacation now.

"Conspiracy theory doctor surrenders medical license" I'm not watching a video from a guy so insane that he got AND LOST a medical degree. He got put on probation for prescribing not medicine to a cancer patient. This guy is dangerously insane. If you can explain how germs outside your body cannot get inside your body, I'll be stunned.

I took honors Bio almost 20 years ago, and I remember the name Antonie van Leeuwenhoek. The guy invented the concept of a microscope. You could SEE microbes fucking around EVERYWHERE. These things are on everything and everywhere. Alcohol and other things kill them. You can watch it in real time, as I did in a lab in high school. I am questioning whether @Cathdiap is joking or honest. This is science settled and reproduceable 300 years ago. I'm so shocked by this ignorance in the face of facts that are five times his age.

Well, make sure you've got great health insurance first. Then start learning how to safely use a cath from basic medical resources. You will need to get familiar with how your body reacts and whether or not you are prone to infections.

Wow, that's a 30fr right there. Scary. I would get something smaller and see if it works. You may not need something outrageous, rather, you want the differential between the tube and the cap to be large, that prevents migration. As a guess, you'd want your anchor caps to be twice the size of your tube. Too bad urethral stents for this purpose don't have any research. Ok, not the case for me, and the research I've done falls in line with my anatomy, but we are all different. One other note I thought of recently on your design on July 7: you have your retrieval line double backed through holes in the proximal end. If those become taught, they will become uncomfortable cutting wires on your internal sphincter. I don't have an immediate solution, but I've got my gears turning.

@Ferix If it doesn't pass the meatus, which is the largest diameter of the urethra, it will not pass at all. Buy new fittings that are sized to a larger bore catheter. I use a 16 fr for my stents, and I don't even know they're there. If I needed something to really stay put, I'd consider something in the 26 fr area, but that's just me.

@FerixAny update on your design?

Okay, with a little more time, more thoughts/concerns: 1 - Curling of stent. I used the same idea of looping through the distal end of my stents because basic knot theory tells you that harsher angles in lines will compromise the integrity of any knot/line. Looping through an existing hole is less harsh than finding a good place to anchor your line. Further, it can help distribute tension. These are true, but if your stent curls at the end at a severe enough angle, your stent turns into a literal hook inside your bladder. This is almost a guarantee if you have reactive sphincter muscles. It is much simpler than other designs, but it isn't fail-safe. Your best bet is to anchor near the distal end of your stent with some mechanism to taper down from that end to your retrieval line. Anything too harsh will cause that "cutting" feeling you mentioned. I use a ~2mm hollow rubber tube and thread my line through that. I use two independent 20-lb test lines. Strong enough to withstand an unreasonable amount of weight. 2 - Stent heads. You have two heads screwed, I think, into a polymer tube. Personally, I wouldn't assemble any stent where ANYTHING could come off in the bladder. If it does, that's an instant ER trip. I can't risk it. 3 - Retention. I'm not sure how this will stay in place. All other stents here have a bend to take advantage of the male anatomy. The bulbous ends are usually a preventative measure to prevent internal migration, and the distal end is larger to underline this. The best one I've seen was that titanium one shown on one of the previous pages. Most angles are between 90 and 120ish. An acute angle might push into tissue if you sit down. 4 - Preparation. I hesitate to use boiling water because temperature might change the fitting of parts, but I do use a 70% isopropyl soak. After that, I treat it as sterile, rinse with DI, lube, proceed. I don't seem to get UTIs, so my methods are more relaxed. YMMV. I'm curious to see what comes of this, though.

I recommend VERY strongly against using this design, but I am too tired to go into more detail than: your retrieval line design will curl the proximal end of the stent, doubling over your whole apparatus. I can't overstate how serious I am.

Don't wear a stent. If they decide they need to catheterize you during surgery, then you're going to need another surgery. Wear pullups or diapers if you want. They don't care. You should be honest with your doctors about your health ALWAYS. I'd rather be the sorta weird story than dead.

If you build a world that makes people reel in disgust or sigh in euphoria by the nature of that reality, that's my very definition of art. People are not complaining about trivial matters like grammar, flow, dialogue, or format. People aren't even complaining that @WBDaddyis plagiarizing The Handmaid's Tale (he isn't, and I could write a white paper on how he isn't). People ARE complaining that it's shoehorning politics into a fantasy story. Three things: He's doing so because he's writing a story that benefits from a whole atmosphere permeating the choices and minds of the characters to *show* motivations without *telling* us via exhausting internal dialogue. This also gives him the opportunity to tie the reader to just the main character, isolating both. This is what's called "good writing" Creating a world is practical to justify themes and plot. It's one thing to be able to anticipate the motivations of characters, but they need impetus. None of the actions taken by Penny's captors are arbitrary or capricious. They all comport to the world, their roles, and personal motivations within their milieu. I know this is a fetish site, but damnit, we're gonna get some stories with some meat on the bones. @WBDaddy chooses to write in a certain style, as do all writers. His style is, with apologies: rich, rigorous, and slow. The first two require a certain amount of verisimilitude to logic and culture, which are relevant to the above. Other writers can choose to write stories that do not require the same features, and they do so admirably! All of this is to point out that this story carefully selected this world, built it into an atmosphere, and we are seeing the logical progression (with the slightest illogical infusion of our fetish). Any complaint around using this specific kind of theonomic, misogynistic world isn't because of fatigue from having to reread Margaret Atwood. It's a paucity of outrage for the realistic trends mirrored. It isn't trite writing that offends the detractors, it's speaking truth to those who refuse to acknowledge reality. This is also "good writing".

It seems to me that the ideal scenario is to, first, get people to the point where they don't *want* to injure themselves in vain. Then we should provide them with the means to not live every day as a waking nightmare. After that, help them feel safe, and so on... Most people do not need this help, but I would not want to be remotely associated with anyone who doesn't think that kind of compassion and stewardship is a fundamental human goal. This is why being American is so maddening. Most people in my country would view Goerge as a "drain" or a perverted miscreant. Goerge is a person with serious needs and struggles who *deserves* help. It is merely the minimum to attend to someone in this way, but my culture puts value on people based on a dollar amount.

With the personal experience I've had, don't feel like you're missing something if you don't have the mental constitution for stents. It's serious, dangerous, and scary (if you haven't thought of everything). It would be really nice to see more options like this in the marketplace because almost no one with the right biomedical engineering background is in this group to advise us. Further, the research on the topic isn't done with an eye toward the outcome we desire. Third, I doubt that any of these products would be for sale to the general public (and I bet we don't have the tools to put it in place. So, designing your own stent is the only way to achieve incontinence...mostly, and it is perilous. There's information in these threads, but you need to over-plan and accept no compromises. I can always feel my stent, so this isn't the perfect solution, either.

I hadn't thought about it, but this is exactly what is so rewarding. I could spend years with a therapist to boil down the concept into this one sentence. Every day I am plagued by worries, memories, intrusive thoughts, and painful realities. Almost none of these things are within my power to fix, and finding the ones that are is it's own world of pressure. To have something that breaks through that cacophony and centers me is some sort of zen superpower, and I kind of don't care if people think I'm a gross perv. I'm doing the best I can to be happy.

Or, almost any movement causing a small stream.

Absolutely zero argument on this point. I think that even if we had a M4A situation, doctors would be generally unwilling to classify induced IC in the same class as gender reassignment/gender affirming surgery. It's far more akin to the more marginalized cosmetic surgeries.

These are some of the points that stood out to me most. Bodily autonomy, self actualization, and risk. We all want to be as happy as we can be, and not everyone's happiness looks the same. Some of them even involve living with continued "challenges". As far as bodily autonomy goes, I'm 100% about people doing whatever they want with themselves or knowing partners. This means that if two consenting adults want to do something, then I don't see a lot of reason in stopping it. The most extreme case I can think of is dueling. Can I justify not letting them do that? If they know what they're getting into, who am I to stop them? Of course, I could be convinced that someone who initiates duels shouldn't be around people. Self actualization is using your autonomy to get the most out of your life. @kif makes it even clearer that unhappy people are not just happier, they are also better members of society (though I think it's not a requirement that society benefit from performing its obligations). Moreover, people who are unhappy won't be productive or grow. "Fixing" these people is a double benefit for everyone. Life is so hard and full of pain that we need to find a way to say yes when there is a way to lift up others. Risk is involved in getting to the end goals here. Maybe I enjoy life the most by eating pizza and getting drunk all the time. The reason this is frowned upon is that it can be dangerous for others, costly, and it challenges social custom. If there weren't any health consequences for eating junk food, for what reason would we decry it? I don't know where I'm going with this, but a final thought: if getting a semi-permanent stent installed necessitates involving a healthcare professional, I don't think it's fair to expect they won't have some pushback based on their own ethics. On the other hand, lots of doctors oppose abortion, and I believe in the absolute right to choose.

In order to avoid having to defecate, I use enemas. This reduces the frequency of changes and cuts cleanup by 95%.

I 100% agree. I wouldn't wish my experience on anyone, but it did clarify to me why I have incontinence desires: coping from assault trauma. I don't want to take up the oxygen in this thread about my sob story, but reverting to incontinence gives me the feeling that that whole area is off-limits and obviates and obligations of being sexual. Good or bad, this is what I get, and it feels like an improvement. The issue is that we as humans are bad at internalizing risk and outcomes. If the risk of failure is known, and the consequences are known, then it's easier to handle (like a diaper leak). If the risk of failure is unknown, AND the consequences are unknown, we tend to act very stupidly (in retrospect). "Designing" our own stents here is in the latter category, and that scares me. Moreover, it undermines the goal I'm trying to achieve in that the reversion to incontinence becomes actually dangerous in a way that doesn't have well defined amelioration actions. Of course, medical mistakes kill an absurd number of people, so even doctors don't have all their systems locked down. I think that people who post their designs responsibly do so with embedded explanations as to why certain design choices are made. Not just a single retrieval line but two. Curves of a specific angle because of such and such reason. These hint at the truth that we are all engaging in risks that NO ONE has competently tested. What biomedical engineer would spend time or risk their credibility solving this issue that is both vanishingly rare and non life-threatening. Of course, dick pills exist, so if there's money involved... Bottom line, you might be right that we need a section talking about risks encountered by every approach. Besides, it'll get those pesky "Don't ever do anything risky to achieve happiness" people outta our hair.

I finally happened to me. I had to go to the hospital to get my stent removed. I, like a lot of other people here, believed that I had enough experience to avoid it, but my body had other ideas. I was using a stent based on a 24 fr catheter with a retrieval line (around 10cm) that had two steel beads. The line retracted and became unreachable, but I'd experienced that before. Using a looped wire tool, I'd been able to snare them for retrieval. Not this time. In addition, something else was WRONG. I have no idea how, but the stent had become folded AND reversed. At the end of my solo efforts, I could feel the tip of the catheter folded over in my urethra. It wasn't going anywhere, and every time I urinated (without being able to stop it, even) I experienced awful bladder spasms. I decided to go to the hospital in the later afternoon. Once there, I began the first of many humiliating experiences: telling person after person that I had a bladder obstruction. Then I told the doctor what exactly the obstruction was. There weren't many questions on why, but I told them that I use stents as a coping mechanism for trauma I have experienced (which is the ugly truth). Everyone I talked to was very understanding and kind; more so than I feel I deserved. I hated that I took up the time of these professionals who are already swamped with COVID. After five or so hours and a CT scan, I was told that they didn't even have the equipment needed to extract the stent. I was given two options: go to the bigger city hospital and hope that a gang of interns can yank it out, or wait another couple of days and schedule Operating Room time with the Attending at the big city hospital. I chose to go right away. Go home, get a short nap, wake up in the dark, drive 40 minutes, show up at the hospital where the ER doors are...closed and locked. I snuck in on the second floor and got to the ER which was actually open. Wait three more hours to get a bed in a packed room. Four more hours of waiting before a trio of residents show up with their kit. At this point, I felt THE MOST DESPERATE I have ever felt in my life. I wasn't scared, I was mentally broken. Every staff member who walked by my bed and didn't stop killed me a bit more inside. I couldn't sit, and every time I urinated the bladder spasms brought me to tears. I don't know if I've conveyed my agony in a way that y'all understand, but I'm sure I haven't done it justice. It was that bad, and I hated how selfishly I had come about needing help. Anyway, I felt almost the diametric opposite when those doctors showed up. All were probably younger than me. They brought a grabbing claw contraption along with a scope. They made slow but steady progress with some small hiccups along the way. I received...compliments on my design and safety mechanisms; the retrieval line was the immediate callout because the folded stent was too big to grab onto. Folks, don't be afraid to add a backup retrieval line, as it might save your ass. The physical pain of removal was bad, but not the worst pain I've ever felt. Probably on par with being forced to walk on a broken foot for the duration of the procedure. Those brilliant bastards gave me a choice to wait for surgery and remove it that way or grip the handrail and yank it out by the retrieval line. If they were successful, I would be done and on my way home in an hour. If not, I might be stuck there all day, and by this point, I had been in the system for about 24 hours. I told them to apply elbow grease, and they did. They removed a folded over 24 FR catheter stent the hard way. I was beyond elated. This was a life-changing experience. Keep in mind that throughout this whole experience, I am wearing diapers (not even by choice). I was sent home with a catheter (doctor's order) absolutely exhausted. I wish that this ordeal had rid me of these pesky incontinence desires, but I'm not so lucky. I guess the only lesson I've learned is that I can't depend on any internally dwelling retrieval line, so my designs will reflect that. As a post script, I used a previous design that incorporated a stiffer, rubber retrieval line and THAT stent migrated, too. Fortunately, I had barely enough of the line to grab and carefully removed the stent, but not before a very sobering realization that I would have to go to the hospital AGAIN for a nearly identical issue without even a month passing. And now, here I am, with a new stent in that has a foot long retrieval line connected to an O-ring that encircles the head of my penis. There is no way this design will irreversibly migrate, but it also doesn't have the "invisible" nature of the prevailing designs I see here. It's a shame that there will likely never be a truly safe design available, and we take very big risks trying to achieve what most would call a disability. I spend a lot of time wondering if this is worth it, and as long as I'm not in the middle of a danger scenario then I'll probably continue to pursue this relatively dangerous habit.

I have been trying for a few weeks to find other works from a specific author but to no effect. The author is Jackie Fox and the few works I've found are exclusively on GaggedUtopia. Here are some specific examples: https://www.utopiastories.com/code/show_story.asp/recid/76640#comments https://www.utopiastories.com/code/show_story.asp/recid/62290 I can't seem to find anything other than the four stories, and they only appear on that site. Can't seem to find them anywhere else, and google searches are difficult because the author name is the same as a celebrity. If anyone has any stories similar to the two I linked above, then I'm always interested in reading more!

The story doesn't make sense without it, and even besides that there wouldn't be any atmosphere. Some people prefer bottle stories, though, so to each their own.