When Thoughts And Dreams Are So Vivid That You Wake Up And Cry.

[Evelyn Dellcerro]

I am at work by 4:30 AM Every Mon - Fri  I have been doing this for the past 26 years. I sit in my office for at least 3 hours reviewing the days work and who, and how to distribute it amongst 25 workers. I know my people and I am usually done within an hour. This morning was usual except for one thing. I nodded off unintentionally. I woke up minutes later and I was hugging the back of another chair and just crying and sobbing. I turned and I saw my husband waving good bye as he always did when he went out on tour. It was so real that I stood up and went to hug him, but no one was there. I am home now writing this and tears are just rolling down my face. I won't let Elle see me like this because it will make her start to cry. I loved my husband to the point where it actually hurt everytime he went out on tour. I gave a man my life and I loved him to the depths that nobody will ever know. A quarter century is a long time, but it passed in the blink of an eye. I so vividly remember getting home from work on a Wednesday afternoon and sitting down and being startled by a knock on the door. I opened the door and there before me stood a First Lieutenant and a Chaplain. There were so many things that went through my mind in a flash, but I knew in my heart why they were here. I remember something my father whispered to me on his death bed "Todos nos choramos adoracion, ha momentos em que devemos chorar sozinhos", translated in english,  " We all cry my love, but there are times when we must cry alone" There was no one else in the house besides my puppy at the time and I waited until they left. I hugged them both and we said our goodbyes. I went inside and closed the door and sat down on the floor and just cried for hours hugging my pup. I had to get up and open the door for my mom when she arrived, My mom knew instantly from just looking at me. She hugged me just as I hugged her when my father passed. I havent cried like this in so long, but it feels so good to let it out. Seeing that today made me realize how fast life can pass us by. There are so many things that I want to ask him and tell him at the same time. So many unanswered things that I will never, ever know the answers to. I hope to those that read this open their hearts to let other people in. I read the constant bickering and nonsense between AB & DL, and honestly it shames me that we are all brothers and sisters in arms. Instead of being one people we seperate from one another. I look over to my wife sleeping so peacefully, whom I love and cherish so much and people still hate on her because she is a man that dresses so beautifully ?, and I think to myself why must people hate. My own brother which I love so dearly, that hurt me to the core by rejecting his own child. Where did he go wrong ? We were all raised by the same mother and father, what made him hate ? I remember so vividly comforting my nephew and hearing his sobs "why does my dad hate me"? Holding him for days at a time, and taking time off work to be there for him. God gave us free will, but not to hate like this. So many times I have dreamt of my wife and the look on her face when I asked her to marry me. The same look I gave my husband back in December of 1989 when he got down on one knee. No matter what life has thrown at me I will still wind up on top, WHY ? because I will always look for the answer with love in my heart.  @Babygeebee You are a gem in my eye. @~Brian~ who has shown me what balls of steel really means. @square_duckwho has shown me what inner strength is. @Pokemonfan & @tai kamiya who have shown me what friendship and togetherness can achieve. There are so many of you and the list is long. Lets all dream of our future as ABDL together. @jesse78 and @kirababy that have shown me love and pride.  Hugs and kisses to all ,,,,,,, Love & Peace !  One last thing I almost forgot to add @Glennie We hope and pray for you good friend. I know you are getting your foot taken care of and you are in our thoughts and prayers. You are a good man and may god be watching over you. Love you sweetie and I am sure there are others here praying for you to have a fast recovery.

 

Edited August 22, 2021 by Evelyn Dellcerro
I almost forgot my good friend glennie spelling

[jesse78]

Very powerful, we're all children of a god, whatever God you believe in. We need to learn to love eachother and accept that we're all different but are special in our own way?

[square_duck]

Eve, thanks for the mention here, just glad that I was/am/or will be able to help somehow somewhere along the way. You wrote that an officer and chaplin showed up at your door....and oddly enough, I finished watching vids of peoples reactions to watching " Saving Private Ryan" the scene where the mother sees a car pulling up to the house and goes out to meet the officer and chaplin....and she collapses onto the porch on thier approach. Very powerful and hard scene....I can only summize that was something similar to you, and I am sorry for your loss, but at the sametime, thank you for being with a service person who was doing what he wanted to do and obviously loved it, as he loved you.

I for one would hope that for everyone, when our time comes, we go out doing something we love and which brings us joy and satisfaction. Instead of sitting, rotting and withering away in some nursing home....alone and forgotton, waiting for the final sleep....perchance to dream, while we "shuffle off this mortal coil" 

Inner strength...me?? ? the only thing strong about me is they smell coming from you-know-where.? or, that is my own opinion of myself, since I have to live with me. 

But, as I said...just glad to help...

qwack

[scorepio]

Truly sorry for your loss. I am profoundly touched and deeply moved by your heartfelt expression of what love truly is. Thank you for sharing your love of life and for opening up your soul to us all. Gratefully, your friend, Scorepio

[kirababy]

Wow, Eve.  Flattered to be mentioned here, even if it is only for doing nothing special except being a friend to a kindred spirit.  It is always amazing how much we are impacted by, and impact, our dreams. 

Obviously don't have the answers to hate, but life is too short for it.   Rise above it again, and live the righteous life.

 

[Transfusionelle]

20 hours ago, Evelyn Dellcerro said:

I am at work by 4:30 AM Every Mon - Fri  I have been doing this for the past 26 years. I sit in my office for at least 3 hours reviewing the days work and who, and how to distribute it amongst 25 workers. I know my people and I am usually done within an hour. This morning was usual except for one thing. I nodded off unintentionally. I woke up minutes later and I was hugging the back of another chair and just crying and sobbing. I turned and I saw my husband waving good bye as he always did when he went out on tour. It was so real that I stood up and went to hug him, but no one was there. I am home now writing this and tears are just rolling down my face. I won't let Elle see me like this because it will make her start to cry. I loved my husband to the point where it actually hurt everytime he went out on tour. I gave a man my life and I loved him to the depths that nobody will ever know. A quarter century is a long time, but it passed in the blink of an eye. I so vividly remember getting home from work on a Wednesday afternoon and sitting down and being startled by a knock on the door. I opened the door and there before me stood a Fist Lieutenant and a Chaplain. There were so many things that went through my mind in a flash, but I knew in my heart why they were here. I remember something my father whispered to me on his death bed "Todos nos choramos adoracion, ha momentos em que devemos chorar sozinhos", translated in english,  " We all cry my love, but there are times when we must cry alone" There was no one else in the house besides my puppy at the time and I waited until they left. I hugged them both and we said our goodbyes. I went inside and closed the door and sat down on the floor and just cried for hours hugging my pup. I had to get up and open the door for my mom when she arrived, My mom knew instantly from just looking at me. She hugged me just as I hugged her when my father passed. I havent cried like this in so long, but it feels so good to let it out. Seeing that today made me realize how fast life can pass us by. There are so many things that I want to ask him and tell him at the same time. So many unanswered things that I will never, ever know the answers to. I hope to those that read this open their hearts to let other people in. I read the constant bickering and nonsense between AB & DL, and honestly it shames me that we are all brothers and sisters in arms. Instead of being one people we seperate from one another. I look over to my wife sleeping so peacefully, whom I love and cherish so much and people still hate on her because she is a man that dresses so beautifully ?, and I think to myself why must people hate. My own brother which I love so dearly, that hurt me to the core by rejecting his own child. Where did he go wrong ? We were all raised by the same mother and father, what made him hate ? I remember so vividly comforting my nephew and hearing his sobs "why does my dad hate me"? Holding him for days at a time, and taking time off work to be there for him. God gave us free will, but not to hate like this. So many times I have dreamt of my wife and the look on her face when I asked her to marry me. The same look I gave my husband back in December of 1989 when he got down on one knee. No matter what life has thrown at me I will still wind up on top, WHY ? because I will always look for the answer with love in my heart.  @Babygeebee You are a gem in my eye. @~Brian~ who has shown me what balls of steel really means. @square_duckwho has shown me what inner strength is. @Pokemonfan & @tai kamiya who have shown me what friendship and togetherness can achieve. There are so many of you and the list is long. Lets all dream of our future as ABDL together. @jesse78 and @kirababy that have shown me love and pride.  Hugs and kisses to all ,,,,,,, Love & Peace !  One last thing I almost forgot to add @Glennie We hope and pray for you good friend. I know you are getting your foot taken care of and you are in our thoughts and prayers. You are a good man and may god be watching over you. Love you sweetie and I am sure there are others here praying for you to have a fast recovery.

 

Evelyn my dearest love, my sweet wife, your words, your honesty, your beauty and utmost your fortitude is my inspiration. I have lived the spectrum of feelings with you for the past 4 years and you have shown me true, deep, and honest love in a way that only you can. From day one there were never any mixed feelings. I fell in love with you with that first kiss. I watched you raise a scared boy into a brave and powerful loving man. I will always be here by your side 'my querida" ..  I dont know if people hate on you because they are jealous, envious, bitter, or resentful of your honest and very forward ways, I for one will always be at your side, and a fan. People can hate me for whatever silly reason, but I know your love will always shine through and make me smile. We have cried together on many occasions, be it happy or sad and I will always be here to kiss every tear you shed. I love you so much...  Faithfully and lovingly yours always and forever  Elizabeth

[Babygeebee]

Thank you so much@Evelyn Dellcerro for your kind words.  Dreams are powerful things.  I have been visited by my father in dreams on a number of occasions.  I remember one dream like it was yesterday.  Dad and I were chatting away (at what I don't remember) when I stopped and said "Hey Dad you are dead."   He just shrugged in his way when he didn't have an answer.   At that point he seemed to fade away.  I awoke soon after with a profound sense happiness and comfort tinged with sadness.  It was special.  I look back at the event with fondness.   My father, my mother, and my brother are gone now.  Yet, they are not really gone.  I remember them all with great joy.  Through them I am reminded that nothing is permanent.   Eve, you are so right - life goes by too quickly.  Why do we waist most of it getting ahead, collecting stuff, being hateful, or arguing about this or that?   In the end it does not matter.  We should live mindfully in the present with compassion for ourselves and for all.  The only true possessions we have are our actions.    Hugs.

[Evelyn Dellcerro]

35 minutes ago, Babygeebee said:

Thank you so much@Evelyn Dellcerro for your kind words.  Dreams are powerful things.  I have been visited by my father in dreams on a number of occasions.  I remember one dream like it was yesterday.  Dad and I were chatting away (at what I don't remember) when I stopped and said "Hey Dad you are dead."   He just shrugged in his way when he didn't have an answer.   At that point he seemed to fade away.  I awoke soon after with a profound sense happiness and comfort tinged with sadness.  It was special.  I look back at the event with fondness.   My father, my mother, and my brother are gone now.  Yet, they are not really gone.  I remember them all with great joy.  Through them I am reminded that nothing is permanent.   Eve, you are so right - life goes by too quickly.  Why do we waist most of it getting ahead, collecting stuff, being hateful, or arguing about this or that?   In the end it does not matter.  We should live mindfully in the present with compassion for ourselves and for all.  The only true possessions we have are our actions.    Hugs.

The only true possessions we have are our actions. Very wise words from a very loving and intelligent and sharp man. Geebee we have spoken on many occasions and you strike me as a very loving and compassionate son, father, and grandfather. I dont even want to begin to share how many times my father has visited me, and how many times I cried myself to sleep thinking of him and wanting to just hug him and smell his after shave or hold his hand. Yes you are very wise my friend dreams are very powerful indeed.

[Babygeebee]

 Thank you Eve.  You already live that philosophy.  LOL.  I'm not quite a grandfather yet.  I am looking forward to the day when I will be able to "spoil" my grand kids.  Just not right away.  

[Evelyn Dellcerro]

16 hours ago, square_duck said:

Eve, thanks for the mention here, just glad that I was/am/or will be able to help somehow somewhere along the way. You wrote that an officer and chaplin showed up at your door....and oddly enough, I finished watching vids of peoples reactions to watching " Saving Private Ryan" the scene where the mother sees a car pulling up to the house and goes out to meet the officer and chaplin....and she collapses onto the porch on thier approach. Very powerful and hard scene....I can only summize that was something similar to you, and I am sorry for your loss, but at the sametime, thank you for being with a service person who was doing what he wanted to do and obviously loved it, as he loved you.

I for one would hope that for everyone, when our time comes, we go out doing something we love and which brings us joy and satisfaction. Instead of sitting, rotting and withering away in some nursing home....alone and forgotton, waiting for the final sleep....perchance to dream, while we "shuffle off this mortal coil" 

Inner strength...me?? ? the only thing strong about me is they smell coming from you-know-where.? or, that is my own opinion of myself, since I have to live with me. 

But, as I said...just glad to help...

qwack

Duck you have gone through a lot sweetie and you have shown me how strong you are and how far you have come. All the crap youve gone through and you let it go like water off a ducks back. Saving Private Ryan was a great movie my friend and yes I have seen people pass out and faint. My father taught me to be tough. We all will die eventually and our teachings and lessons will live on.

[Evelyn Dellcerro]

8 hours ago, kirababy said:

Wow, Eve.  Flattered to be mentioned here, even if it is only for doing nothing special except being a friend to a kindred spirit.  It is always amazing how much we are impacted by, and impact, our dreams. 

Obviously don't have the answers to hate, but life is too short for it.   Rise above it again, and live the righteous life.

 

Kira from day one when we spoke, you never questioned me. You welcomed me as a friend with open arms as you did my wife. Yes you are mentioned because you are a friend without question and possess a very open and loving heart. There are many here that I want to mention like I said the list is long. You my friend still shine amongst the stars !  No one has the answer to hate my dear there are only excuses !

18 hours ago, jesse78 said:

Very powerful, we're all children of a god, whatever God you believe in. We need to learn to love eachother and accept that we're all different but are special in our own way?

Love is a word that many people will shy away from Jesse. There are many that cannot handle love. I gave my love for a quarter of a century and recieved nothing but love back. My parents raised me with unconditional love and I use that everyday in my life. There are many still that have to learn acceptance and forgiveness and even how to open their hearts. There is a God, but he cannot pry every heart open and shove love in. We as humans have to want to open our hearts !   I mention you Jesse because you show love without question.