Diapers CAUSING Anxiety?

[PrincessPaci]

Hey all!

It seems like many of us use diapers as a way to reduce anxiety, but I was wondering if anyone gets anxiety when diapered or going into little space? Here recently, getting into little space has been causing me bad panic because of a recent experience. (There is a TL:DR at the bottom)

What had happened is after I moved in with my girlfriend, we had agreed that I could get into little space fully (meaning diaper, cute pajamas, stuffed animals, all of that) while she was at work on days that I had off. I was completely fine with this and just happy I was in a relationship that I could be open about my little side and also have the chance to get into little space fairly often.

One day while she was at work, I decided I wanted to go out to the store diapered up and get some supplies. I had been drinking a lot of water so the chances of an accident would increase throughout the day. While at the store, I started feeling really weird, so I left early and went to relax at home. By the time I got inside, I needed to change and I was starting to feel worse, so I got in the shower and decided once I was clean, I’d be done with little stuff for the day. I kept feeling worse as I was cleaning up and I became really paranoid that it was because I drank too much water. I started looking up symptoms of water intoxication after my shower...and like anytime you Google symptoms…it sounded a lot like I had it.

I took the trash out so my girlfriend wouldn’t see a diaper laying on top of the trash, and by the time I got back inside I was completely winded and I felt like I was going to pass out.

I called my girlfriend and she took me to the ER (bless her). They ran some tests, everything came back normal, my sodium levels were fine, and nothing to suggest water intoxication. I was released and was fine afterwards, just exhausted.  It took me a while to realize that I most likely just had a massive panic attack, something that I had in the past but hadn’t struggled with in years.

After that panic attack, I became very afraid to be left alone or to go out in places that “something could happen.” I have been going to therapy for the last few months because it has turned into mild-agoraphobia, with my main triggers being in places I can’t easily leave, or being completely alone. This is all due to the fact that the first panic attack I had in years happened in a situation I couldn’t leave easily and when I was alone. And what else was involved? Diapers.

My mind now associates that horrible panic attack with diapers and getting in little space now. I have been trying to do some “exposure therapy” where I try to wear alone, but I can never really enjoy it the same way as before. I have also tried CBT exercises I have learned to help with my agoraphobia, such as being in the moment, telling myself that there is no real risk, thinking of it logically, telling myself “worst case scenario, someone sees me diapered,” and a few other things that are somewhat similar.

It really sucks because diapers and little space were what I used to look forward to when my girlfriend was at work and I had off, it used to be like a mini-Christmas for me! Before we dated, it was my weekend go-to event because I lived by myself. But now, I feel afraid to fully get little. I fear that I will have a panic attack or something will happen that requires an ambulance to come get me and I’ll be in a pink night gown and wet adult diaper.

Currently, I still have a strong urge to wear diapers and cute clothes, but I only feel comfortable to wear cute clothes if my girlfriend is home (she is okay with it occasionally). I can also wear diapers with normal clothes for a few hours when home alone before I start getting bad anxiety (which is a huge step in the right direction compared to a few months ago). I feel like I have made a lot of progress, but I am very distraught over diapers being an anxiety trigger rather than something that helps calm it.  

TL:DR Wearing diapers gives me anxiety most days because I had a panic attack while dressed up and now my brain associates diapers/little clothes with panic attacks.

Anyways, I am curious to see if anyone else has had similar stories or if they have suggestions on how I can reclaim the joy that diapers used to give me.

Thanks!

[rusty pins]

Diapers can cause anxiety for some people in some situations.  Here are some examples.  Someone is an AB or DL but they are way in the closet.  They like to enjoy wearing diapers when they can but maybe in the back of their mind they are always worried someone will find out.  Maybe they even have a high profile job and if the word got out they will be ruined which can cause lots of anxiety.  Lets say a guy puts on his diaper because he has the house to himself for the weekend.  Wife has gone to visit her mom, room mates have gone out of town, etc.  Next thing he knows is he fell asleep on the couch watching TV with his Rearz printed diapers and pacifier.  Wife or room mate comes hope because the trip was canceled, the weather was too bad so they turned around, whatever.  They walk in and see him in all his glory!  Now his secret is out!  Maybe he decides to go out of town in thick obvious diapers and shorts thinking he's OK because he won't run into anyone he knows.  Next thing that happens is a friend or coworker who is also out of town running errands sees him and comes up to him to talk. Even if the friend never notices, just the encounter with him can cause anxiety.  Sure, you take a certain amount of risk when doing these things, but there can also be anxiety when you just decide to wear a diaper to bed only to worry that someone will come into your bedroom and discover you, or the house catches on fire and you have to run for your life.  Maybe you are in your diapers locked in your room and start to have a medical issue like chest pains or shortness of breath and you need to call for help because your life is at risk.  We all take chances if we are closet diaper wearers, but sometimes the risks we take could cause us some anxiety.

[PrincessPaci]

Thanks for the reply, rusty pins!

As far as being closeted, that does make a lot of sense. It never used to cause me anxiety and I have many of the people coming over unexpectedly, almost finding my stash, or seeing people in public stories. When I moved, I actually became a lot less stressed about being a closeted diaper-wearer because no one knew me (I went from tiny town to living near/in the city). 

But, I do think keeping it hidden did play a role in the panic attack I had months ago. This happened shortly after a discussion with my girlfriend about doing little stuff while she was away, so I felt more pressure on hiding everything once I was done. 

Anyways, did you ever have any of those anxieties you mentioned before, rusty pins? If so, do you have any tips on overcoming them? My mentality used to be, "Oh well, if it happens it happens," but that just doesn't work anymore for me = /

Thanks again!

[foreverdl]

I am older ,, and the older I get the less I worry about what people think mainly the people I don't know. I figure I will deal with each time it happens, if I loose a friend because they can't handle my diapers then they weren't a friend to begin with. I am DL, and sometimes a little AB. I don't need to be in public wearing cloths that expose my diapers. But if a wet spot shows up I will just excuse myself and go make a change, and at my age I can just say I have a leakage problem, ,,,,, 

If I we're your age and when I was that young I was really in hiding about all my stuff.

If you just imagine the other person in a diaper when the outing happens and try to just relax, and play it by ear. You might find out its really not a big deal to them.

[spark]

When I first started to act on this strategy wearing diapers caused such an elevated level of thrill that I certainly didn't feel relaxed.  .  When you're at that stage with diapers- wearing one causes had thrill response- a bit like riding a roller coaster.

When telling your story- you were getting a lot emotional input just by wearing and disposing of a diaper.   To be honest, if I was still there- diapers would not be my security blanket  for me either. I'd be rushed with exhilaration each time I padded up.   And I did- I couldn't sleep in a diaper because I knew I had a diaper on and it would be hard to fall asleep.    I never had a panic attack, but I never been prone to panic attacks.  The only time I ever came close was in a nightclub in Las Vegas, and that's because I hated the place so much and knew that I had to get out

[Firefly 35]

4 hours ago, PrincessPaci said:

Thanks for the reply, rusty pins!

As far as being closeted, that does make a lot of sense. It never used to cause me anxiety and I have many of the people coming over unexpectedly, almost finding my stash, or seeing people in public stories. When I moved, I actually became a lot less stressed about being a closeted diaper-wearer because no one knew me (I went from tiny town to living near/in the city). 

But, I do think keeping it hidden did play a role in the panic attack I had months ago. This happened shortly after a discussion with my girlfriend about doing little stuff while she was away, so I felt more pressure on hiding everything once I was done. 

Anyways, did you ever have any of those anxieties you mentioned before, rusty pins? If so, do you have any tips on overcoming them? My mentality used to be, "Oh well, if it happens it happens," but that just doesn't work anymore for me = /

Thanks again!

Try finding other little activites to do and/or other types of diapers to wear.  I had a similar (possibly worse) experience kind of similar to this and found that by doing other types of activies I was able to overcome the anxiety from said experience.

[PrincessPaci]

foreverdl: I try my best to have my mentality, but sometimes anxiety just takes over = / I used to never care and when I am calm and not having an anxiety/panic attack, I actually don't care too much if someone were to notice. I have a history of OAB that many people know about, so anyone close wouldn't bat an eye. Strangers are strangers and I never cared about their opinion too much. In the same respect, I am not going to outwardly show them off or not be safe....I guess I tend to just treat diapers as regular underwear = P

Spark: I understand with the thrill, and that could have been a very large part of it since it was the first time I got to wear/use a diaper in a while at that point. Most times, I don't get that level of excitement any more, but I think it has just been because after wearing off and on for about 10 years, it isn't always that huge of a rush = P As mentioned before, when my girlfriend is home, diapers are 100% a security blanket for me, just when I am alone and "something bad could happen" thoughts strike = /

Firefly 35: That is a good idea! Generally that does help with my normal anxiety/agoraphobia, so that should also help in this situation!

Thank you all for the replies! = )

[le Hollandais]

I'm older, too. And at this age, if someone did discover that I wear diapers, they'd just think "Oh, poor ol' le Hollandais....has to wear diapers." What people think is their business. I don't necessarily need to fill in the blanks, so to speak.

[foreverdl]

I don't know your whole situation. 

I only give advice from my personal experiences and friends and family,, I don't know a whole lot about anxiety/panic attacks, I was on ativan 30 yrs ago for a yr or so, there's nothing wrong with getting a little help from a Dr I know it really helped me I had lost my first wife to medical problems, and was then left to raise my 6 yr old son,,,,, I had attacks many times a day. Anxiety/panic attacks are nothing to mess with and I know they are real. The Dr doesn't need to know the real source of the attacks.

If like others have said you can find some way to relax a glass of wine, etc. till you can work through it. Maybe as simple as soaking in a warm tub ,, I hope I have helped even a little.

[diaperguy85]

a similar thing happened to me years ago when i lived at home after college. i lived in a house with 3 other siblings (i'm the oldest of 4), my mom and an in-and-out aunt and uncle (they had a key and would pop in with leftovers, groceries, etc at random times). times of me having the house to myself for more than a couple hours were few and far. there were many times when i thought i'd be alone for hours, diaper up, only to have someone come home early, or my aunt or uncle drop in unannounced. i would either have to quickly rip off my diaper and clean up, or hide somewhere until my aunt or uncle left (after they left i would change out). it happened so many times, i'd put on a diaper and expect someone to drop by! needless to say, i stopped wearing for a long time after a few close calls. i think i went almost 2 years between diapers! it wasn't too fun, honestly, the stress of not wearing was way less than the stress of wearing! lol

somewhere along the line, i started wearing again after my brother moved out and my sisters were at college, and i some quality and some-what regular time for diapers. granted, it was still limited, and i took to wearing mostly at night to bed. when i started wearing again, i was a little anxious at first, but eventually that faded and they became things of relaxation and happiness again. especially after me and my g/f got our house, where i can wear whenever i basically want to!

[DiaperedAllTheTime]

Our mind can quite honestly be our worst enemy at times when it comes to our desire to want to wear a diaper.  I have found with me personally over time I have reached what I would call a level of diaper maturity.  I have accepted my need to wear diapers every second, of every minute, of every day and I am happy with the diapered person staring back at me in the mirror.  When I was younger wearing diapers was more of a thrill, an excitement, a quick fix.  I wanted to be stared at.  I want for others to hear the crinkles.  I was an immature diaper lover that was dying to escape out of the diaper closet so to speak.  Over time and through messaging in this forum I learned to control those urges more and focused on ways that I could be happy by being diapered all the time and still be discreet while doing so.

The biggest anxiety for me pertaining to diapers was always my marriage and family life.  For the longest time my wife could not accept that her husband wanted to wear diapers on a regular basis.  Parenthood complicated things as most of us do not want to explain to our children why we are wearing babyish looking diapers with unicorns on them.  I tried to suppress my desires and need to be diapered which honestly only led to more anxiety, unhappiness, and depression.  It was then I had to decide just how important diapers were to me.  I had to do some soul searching and self reflection and the end result was I simply would never be happy if I could not wear diapers.  Against my wife's wishes wearing diapers is exactly what I did and over time she learned to accept wearing diapers was a part of who I am.

After wearing diapers fulltime the reality is no one around you knows your padded secret.  As I have become more and more comfortable with my padded bottom I have shared with more and more around me that I wear diapers permanently.  Each time I tell someone new they are completely flabbergasted as they had no clue.  Even after knowing they all have told me that they still could not tell.  Wearing diapers all the time, to work, around family, is really simply no different than if you did not with the exception of a little planning.  

[spark]

On 3/26/2020 at 5:35 AM, PrincessPaci said:

Spark: I understand with the thrill, and that could have been a very large part of it since it was the first time I got to wear/use a diaper in a while at that point. Most times, I don't get that level of excitement any more, but I think it has just been because after wearing off and on for about 10 years, it isn't always that huge of a rush = P As mentioned before, when my girlfriend is home, diapers are 100% a security blanket for me, just when I am alone and "something bad could happen" thoughts strike = /

BTW- after years and years of wearing diapers- they are very much my security blanket and comfort mechanism.   If you knew me in real life, you would never believe that I'm prone to a small degree of social anxiety.  Nothing debilitating, but I'm typically very nervous before social gatherings and sometimes compensate by engaging in small talk.   That has absolutely nothing to do with diapers, but the diaper gives me the security to relax.  I'm not sure how, or why, but for me- diapers are a coping mechanism now.   When I was in my 20's, and this was still new- it might have been the same thing, but they also had thrill element- which elevated my stress.  It wasn't particularly good for my mental health.

[rosalie.bent]

Im sorry you had this anxiety problem. It is true that pretty much ANY objject or incident can be associated with a trauma and therefore cause anxiety. ONe of the best ways to end this is to 'desensitise' the trauma but having small doses of what causes you anxiety but in an obectively safe environment. Over time, by increasing the exposure, the mind normally densensitises to it and you begin to lose the anxiet associated with it.

 

I hope it gets sorted out for you soon.

[foreverdl]

I do agree with Spark, I did have to work past the things in my head Like what would happen if I was found out. But diapers are in a way a coping with anxiety of being found out. Kind of a win win, and a lose lose,,,,, I feel that all said we all have to make our own decision on how we handle keeping from being found out in our younger years, and getting to the point with age that I feel now if someone has an issue with it and they are no longer a friend because of it then they were not really my friend to begin with. I am no longer in the work force, and that also takes away some stress of being found out. I have A nephew that has kids and a couple of them still in diapers, I felt jealous on a few occasions because they can run around in just a diaper and not anyone cares. Because that is the norm. I do think some day it can be the norm that an adult can do the same, every new thing that comes across the population it takes time for it to be more and more accepted and some people will never get over any change. Thats there problem,,, Just my opinion.

[spark]

8 hours ago, foreverdl said:

I do agree with Spark, I did have to work past the things in my head Like what would happen if I was found out. But diapers are in a way a coping with anxiety of being found out. Kind of a win win, and a lose lose,,,,, I feel that all said we all have to make our own decision on how we handle keeping from being found out in our younger years, and getting to the point with age that I feel now if someone has an issue with it and they are no longer a friend because of it then they were not really my friend to begin with. I am no longer in the work force, and that also takes away some stress of being found out. I have A nephew that has kids and a couple of them still in diapers, I felt jealous on a few occasions because they can run around in just a diaper and not anyone cares. Because that is the norm. I do think some day it can be the norm that an adult can do the same, every new thing that comes across the population it takes time for it to be more and more accepted and some people will never get over any change. Thats there problem,,, Just my opinion.

There were a couple of things that got me over the hurdle that I felt an elevated risk of being diapered in public.

First was a overall acceptance of my desire.  When I was younger I tried to control my desire, and also find 'excuses' to need to wear diapers.  "If I could be genuinely incontinent, than I would have to wear diapers."   Eventually I realized I the my emotional need for diapers was a valid reason, and I shouldn't need to feel guilty about it.

Secondly, as we get older- we don't seem to care as much about the opinions of strangers regarding ourselves.  The older I am, the less obsessed with how I look in public.  I'm still going to be polite, and I'm still going to dress appropriately, but I don't care that somebody might think I'm strange.   I also have realized most of us are so caught up in our own bubbles that we don't notice those around us.  I doubt that anybody cares that I'm wearing a a Tykeables Overnight when I'm walking to store.

Also- I'm now 50.  That's still young, but men my age do have incontinence problems.    I think it's a little easier for a 50-year-old to have issues with it than a man in his 30's.   Most likely people would think I have issues with my prostate.

I doubt we will ever get to a stage where it's acceptable to just walk around in a diaper like you might see with a small child.  We are talking about underwear.  I live by myself, and I still don't feel comfortable walking around my house in just a diaper/underwear.   Maybe it's how I was raised, because I didn't even do it when I was little.

[foreverdl]

1 hour ago, spark said:

There were a couple of things that got me over the hurdle that I felt an elevated risk of being diapered in public.

First was a overall acceptance of my desire.  When I was younger I tried to control my desire, and also find 'excuses' to need to wear diapers.  "If I could be genuinely incontinent, than I would have to wear diapers."   Eventually I realized I the my emotional need for diapers was a valid reason, and I shouldn't need to feel guilty about it.

Secondly, as we get older- we don't seem to care as much about the opinions of strangers regarding ourselves.  The older I am, the less obsessed with how I look in public.  I'm still going to be polite, and I'm still going to dress appropriately, but I don't care that somebody might think I'm strange.   I also have realized most of us are so caught up in our own bubbles that we don't notice those around us.  I doubt that anybody cares that I'm wearing a a Tykeables Overnight when I'm walking to store.

Also- I'm now 50.  That's still young, but men my age do have incontinence problems.    I think it's a little easier for a 50-year-old to have issues with it than a man in his 30's.   Most likely people would think I have issues with my prostate.

I doubt we will ever get to a stage where it's acceptable to just walk around in a diaper like you might see with a small child.  We are talking about underwear.  I live by myself, and I still don't feel comfortable walking around my house in just a diaper/underwear.   Maybe it's how I was raised, because I didn't even do it when I was little.

One thing that helps is talking about it, and having a site like this where you are accepted with your differentiations and fetishes we all have our own things that used to make us have anxiety ( and some times still do) and worry,  this is where we group together and try to help each other find ways to accept ourselves , its nice to have a place to not be judged even if we can only talk. I have never been brave enough to meet another AB/DL. maybe some day. 

[lancerevolover]

I get anxiety whenever I wear diapers on campus ornin the dorms. Although I do get some real alone time, people tend to barge into my room at times so that gives me anxiety when I wear nothing but a goodnites and a t shirt.