rusty pins Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 And a guy with no arms or legs on your front porch is Matt. A guy with no arms and legs on a farm is Barney. A guy with no arms, legs or head is Chester. A woman with one leg in England is Eileen Dover. A woman with no arms or legs on the beach is Sandy. Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 I saw one of those no arms and legs guys in the water, I said "Hi Bob" Link to comment
rusty pins Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 And if he's dirty he can just wash up on the beach! Link to comment
dondd Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 A dog with no legs? Cigarette. Because you take him out for a drag! Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 I am easy to win over. If you give me a tiara, it goes right to my head Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I used to work grinding pepper. the money I got for that was nothing to sneeze at 1 Link to comment
DocBrown Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 How many ABDLs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but you need a really big light bulb Link to comment
Firefly 35 Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 If the Sun is 4.6 billion years old, how would its parents be? 1 Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 I crowwed the Patriots and -- Star Trek: Got Bob ShuttleKraft My rippde-off jokes: Got Robbed Groankowski Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 Well at least the Rams fans did not give us any Goff. I am a bit jealous, though, they are so Gurly Link to comment
Apache Raccoon Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 What's a cows favorite romantic comedy movie? Bridget Jones's Dairy Link to comment
Firefly 35 Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 Have you heard about the Tabasco truck that left its hatch open? That was a hot mess. Link to comment
rusty pins Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 What did the maid say when she went to clean the Pope's bathroom? "Holy Shit!" Link to comment
Firefly 35 Posted March 23, 2019 Share Posted March 23, 2019 Best selling novels: Rusty Bedsprings by Ipee Nightly 80 Yards to the Outhouse by Willy Makeit and illustrated by Betty Dont The sewer's clogged! by O'Hail No 1 Link to comment
Lonely Posted March 23, 2019 Share Posted March 23, 2019 I d tell a joke seven days from now, but It’d be weak. 1 Link to comment
Apache Raccoon Posted March 24, 2019 Share Posted March 24, 2019 What’s a hen’s favorite video games console? An eggs box Did you hear about the box office results from the movie about explosions? It’s totally bombed What’s the preferred method of demolishing a building according to a T-Rex? Dino-Mite What’s a herbivores favorite part of a window? The Grazing Link to comment
Firefly 35 Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 My computer doesn't have enough RAM - it only made it halfway down the stairs before it broke. Link to comment
Lil'PinkDi-dee Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 Here's another one that I think you folks might enjoy, since its now around Easter time. THE EASTER BUNNY’S DILEMMA Recently a young man was driving down the street when a rabbit jumped out in front of his car. Being an animal lover, the man tried desperately to stop. However he couldn’t avoid the bunny and he heard the agonizing “thud” come from under the car. When he got out, he saw the bunny laying motionless on the road. Colored eggs and jelly beans were strewn all over the road. He wept bitterly as he thought of the thousands of children that would be deprived of surprises on Easter morning. A young woman, who was driving in the opposite direction, spotted him and stopped to help. She said that she might have something in her car that would help. She went to her car and got a spray can of something and began to spray the entire contents of the can on the motionless bunny. The bunny twitched and quivered a little, then eventually stood on all fours. The bunny took a few steps, turned toward the man and the woman and waved at them. The bunny took a few more steps, turned toward them and waved at them again. The bunny kept doing this until he was out of sight. The man was simply dumbfounded!! He picked up the spray can to read the label. The label said: “This product will restore life to dead hair (hare?). This product also guaranteed to produce permanent wave”. Its a miracle what a can of hair spray can do. 1 Link to comment
Firefly 35 Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 I don't understand why some people leave dirty diapers sitting out - it just makes them smell two odors of magnitude worse. Link to comment
rusty pins Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 A father on a rural farm walked out behind his barn to see his 19 year old son wanking himself off. "What the hell are you doing? You need to stop doing that and go out and get yourself a woman!" Well, Junior did go out and got himself a fine looking woman and pretty soon they got married. A week later his father caught him wanking off behind the barn again. "What the hell is the matter with you boy! I told you to get yourself a woman and Daisy Mae is a fine woman!" "Yeah daddy", Junior replied, "But her arm gets tired!" Link to comment
foofybabykitten Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 My friend keeps on bugging me to update to Windows 7 and I was getting quite annoyed, so I looked them dead in the eyes and told them; (in Schwarzenegger accent) I still love Vista baby! 1 Link to comment
Firefly 35 Posted April 26, 2019 Share Posted April 26, 2019 Why is everyone downgrading to windows 10? People should be upgrading to version 1010. (1 0 is binary for 2, 1 0 1 0 is binary for 10) Link to comment
Apache Raccoon Posted April 27, 2019 Share Posted April 27, 2019 (Sticking to the OS themed jokes) I recently built my own house which was inspired by Apple computers and devices like I-Pads, I-phones and Apple Macs, an homage if you will. Then I ruined it because I had windows installed Link to comment
Firefly 35 Posted April 28, 2019 Share Posted April 28, 2019 I once wrote a program to find my dog Mal and called it Mal Where. The antivirus software said to delete it, but I could never figure out why. Link to comment
rusty pins Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 I've always liked the message I see on my computer screen when I enter the chat room. It says, "You Are In Diapers". How does it always know? Link to comment
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