Question For Women What Do We Guys Have To Do To Get Notice

[sweetandsensitiveguy]

I mean we are are aware that most women don't post cause they get bombarded with messages from guys. Most usally creepy ones, but i tried being myself and being honest and it seems like nothing has worked and im wondering if the women can give advice cause we guys who are honest and sincere.

I really would like to meet a women i would truely like to be friends cause you have to get to know someone as a friend first so you know them better but i feel something is wrong so i want your advice if you wouldnt mind thank you

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

Would this not be better in Tech Support

[sarah_ab]

ok so on bulletin board posts i'm not a huge stickler for grammar and punctuation and making somewhat logical coherent sentences. but when it comes to private emails/im's.. this is very important.. for example if your post was emailed to me, i would delete it without responding.. women instead of woman, missing words and punctuation... like i said, in a bulletin board post i don't care, in a private communication how you present yourself in your writing IS your first impression.

but you say you are being honest.... do you mean in the first week of communicating with someone you have told them about all your diaper desires/fantasies? because there is honesty, and there is sharing so much so fast you just seem desperate.

[Diapered Jason]

I have had some success with this and what it takes is a degree of intrepidity, a feat of authenticity, and plan luck. What ever you do, don't settle. If the sexual attraction does not work, don't waste your time. Now, I have engaged in a week of conversation before offering a date. More time may be required, but it is dependent on her. Don't worry about too much about being really formal, just speak as you normally would with the exception of answering any questions regarding your fetishes. If the person you are conversing with is not purview to your fetishes, I'm sure there will be some. Also, that reminds me, there is a broader world out there. There are many fetishes out there that are very similar to age play and have the same psychology. If you are interested or curious about them, perhaps searching in these areas would help increase your chances. Another way to increase your chances is to attend events related to your fetishes. There are many munches out there and there are some just for AB/DLs. So, as you can see, there is quite a bit to it.

[square_duck]

I sometimes wonder this myself. I have been here since 2005(ish) and have met quite a few people, but have yet to meet any lady types who 'might' be interested in me. Sure there are the ones who are far away (IE thousands of miles) and we all know that long distance thing doesn't work...sorry. I mean I'm open to travel, and I have done it several times with considerable expense incurred, and sure it was fun.....but loon=king for something a bit more local and long term is really difficult.

It's nice having friends all around the world....which I am very fortunate to have but what about someone in the local Los Angeles area....I mean, there are 18 MILLION people with in a 50 mile radius of downtown LA...and No one.....REALLY??? Not one female, lady type, Diaper person which would including incontinent or bedwetters or just recreational diaperists.....Nothing....REALLY??

*SIGH* believe me I'm not desperate or needy, I am a very independent person in a lot of ways, but it would be nice to share my life with someone of the opposite gender. I'm making a choice because it's something I would like to have in my life, not out of 'need' or emptiness, and after over 5000 some posts, I would hope any prospective person reading all my drivel would have a good idea of who I am and what I might be like and such... or does that not matter?

Anyways, so yeah, I've been on the out skirts of 'looking' also, but I don't really see much on my reality meter register.

It's sad in a world of global and instant communications...finding that special someone is still near an impossible task

*SIGH*

[rosalie.bent]

Perhaps the fault lies in imagining that the online diaper world is a microcosm of the wider world. it isnt. Women and men are VERY different but your entire post presupposes that they arent. I genuninely believe that women and men are close to 50/50 in the AB/DL stakes, but it is not reflected online. And why should you be surprised? the dating and courtship rituals of men and women are beyond different - we operate on totally different planes! A lot of men - perhaps most - become regular online posters because they are hoping to meet a diaper woman. Why do you think most women are on these kinds of sites? NOT for the same reason.

The other thing is about relationships. it is an incredibly common theme to see men wanting a 'diapered woman'. Now I am neither single nor diapered but if I wear a diaper-wearng single woman, the last person I would be looking for would be a diapered man. I live in a parent/child relationship with my baby hubby. Do you think for even a moment that our entire relationship - or even a majority of it - is about diapers or being AB? Not even close! Our relationship is predominantly adult and that is how ANY sucessful AB relationship works. It is predicated on a working, functional and happy ADULT to ADULT relationship. diapers and AB - even parent/child - is built on top of it. And the proof is all around us. Look for the successfull relationships that are predominantly and majorly AB/diaper themed. Not real easy to find, are they? And if you talk about totally AB then Im guessing hte number is close to zero.

It is amazing (or perhaps not!) that in a world of amazing communication technology, we are if anything, far worse than we used to be.

If you make diapers and/or AB a non-negotiable in your relationships, especially right at the start then you are headed to a world of long-term failure and distress. And this is not a dating site because, by and large, the women are not here.

[sweetandsensitiveguy]

to the lady who said my structing and not using . and such is something sorry.

Being blind in one eye and almost in another sometimes i dont see alot of things.

. is so small to see for me that i tend to think i put it and dont but dont notice that i didnt.

As for the person who said find a girl who likes me for me and get her into it i tried this.

She didnt find it creepy but never totally could understand it. 5 months went by and she wasnt sure how she felt about it and i tried to get into her fantansy. Asked her what she was into which was spanking but i asked her if she would just wear and thats it she said she had to wear diapers once and didnt like the feel, but kept saying if i did her stuff she would do mine but i didnt buy it as much as she was so unopen to it.

The relationship just didnt work that i decided we should just go back to being friends again.

It's hard to get women who are not into this into it and i would have to say maybe 20% of people who tried to get the non ones into it have success i'm being real just trying tofind someone into it which means they are not judging and know what they want.

But yeah square_duck i can find female friends miles away but some i question if they actually are women cause it seems there are guys who dress as girls and consider themseleves girls when they are not

[little baby girl]

Hello everyone,

I have been on the website since late June now, and, perhaps I have just been lucky, but everyone so far (all male) who have sent me a personal message have never been anything less than considerate, and polite.

I think it is just good manners to reply, and I would never just delete someone's message because I had not directly solicited it. I joined DD to explore and find validation for my AB life style, and so far I have only received kindness and acceptance.

Lots of love, little baby girl xxx

[sweetandsensitiveguy]

rosalie.bent you are right it should not be about it and its not i just want to know that if i or she feels like wearing the other wont have a problem with it or be judgmental. I mean like politics you dont go to a demacratic rally if you are republican wearing all republican gear and shouting negative things usally you want to get kicked out.

Just i want to fins someone into it so its not being held against me as your into this and i dont want you doing it

[gah!ghost]

On a related subject, there's such a stigma associated with men in regards to how they act towards women, basically as assholes, that I am always reticent to approach women. I'm not even sexually interested in women but despite this I'm always worried about coming off as "that guy". This is particularly true for fetish and geek communities where women are traditionally in the minority although this seems to be changing a lot as of late.

I know that it's stupid of me to think this and I usually logic my way past it with ease, but it's always there in the back of my head.

There's also an aspect of me not wanting a girl I'm being friends with to think I'm interested in her sexually or romantically. This has caused problems with me in the past where at least in one case once she realized I had no interest in her beyond a friend she stopped talking to me. It's hard to explain why in these cases as I'm not gay either. There's not a lot of people in the world that are honestly 100% uninterested in sex and I think to some people it will come off as a shitty way of turning someone down.

Consequently, even though I tend to prefer female friends over male, I barely have any anymore.

[Diapered Jason]

Perhaps the fault lies in imagining that the online diaper world is a microcosm of the wider world. it isnt. Women and men are VERY different but your entire post presupposes that they arent. I genuninely believe that women and men are close to 50/50 in the AB/DL stakes, but it is not reflected online. And why should you be surprised? the dating and courtship rituals of men and women are beyond different - we operate on totally different planes! A lot of men - perhaps most - become regular online posters because they are hoping to meet a diaper woman. Why do you think most women are on these kinds of sites? NOT for the same reason.

The other thing is about relationships. it is an incredibly common theme to see men wanting a 'diapered woman'. Now I am neither single nor diapered but if I wear a diaper-wearng single woman, the last person I would be looking for would be a diapered man. I live in a parent/child relationship with my baby hubby. Do you think for even a moment that our entire relationship - or even a majority of it - is about diapers or being AB? Not even close! Our relationship is predominantly adult and that is how ANY sucessful AB relationship works. It is predicated on a working, functional and happy ADULT to ADULT relationship. diapers and AB - even parent/child - is built on top of it. And the proof is all around us. Look for the successfull relationships that are predominantly and majorly AB/diaper themed. Not real easy to find, are they? And if you talk about totally AB then Im guessing hte number is close to zero.

It is amazing (or perhaps not!) that in a world of amazing communication technology, we are if anything, far worse than we used to be.

If you make diapers and/or AB a non-negotiable in your relationships, especially right at the start then you are headed to a world of long-term failure and distress. And this is not a dating site because, by and large, the women are not here.

Exactly. Well, excuse my arrogance, I know I am not female, but my experience is in great agreement with this. If you are a diaper wearer, asking a female to wear a diaper with you is like, excluding some complexities, asking a dom to sub for you. Never going to happen. There are relationships based completely on being AB, but those are analogous to FWB, relationships based completely on sex. They are not real relationships and they are always temporary.

Of course, you are not going to have much luck if you do not send messages to people who explicitly state they are looking for relationships or playmates if that is what you are after.

As I have already said, if you have other fetishes, look in those areas as well. Relationships are give and take as Rosalie mentioned, so you have to be prepared to participate in their fantasies and even in the AB/DL world, they may not be the same as yours. Now, explaining this fetish is not easy, but I usually introduce it as a type of roleplay and then you can kind of describe what elements are most important to you. It may even be useful to show her a story that describes this. I haven't tried this, but it is an idea.

[Diaperfox792]

Speaking from a female perspective, it is very difficult to trust anyone you meet online, especially guys, because no matter how nice he seems at first, there's always the potential that he might be the next Craig's List serial killer. It sucks bigtime that women (and men) have to be so damned cautious these days. I think the media is partly responsable for hyping the few incidents of violence that result from one person meeting physically a total stranger they encountered online. But the effect has been such that no logical-thinking lady wants to be the next victim.

Distance, too, is a huge factor. For example, sweetandsensitiveguy, you live in Texas, I live in New England, totally opposite side of the country. Even non-Ab/DL relationships have a hard time functioning over that kind of distance. Cripes, if I can't drive to someone's house in 1/2 hour or less I tend not to keep in touch with them, regardless of our relationship.

I also agree with the aforementioned idea that one can't build a relationship just around diaper-wearing. There has to be something more there first, sexual attraction, romantic interest, common likes and dislikes, just like in any normal relationship. Expecting a woman to fall in love with you (or even want to go out on one date) sight unseen through an online encounter is just expecting too much. Even after long-time electronic communication, it may feel to the woman like they are still talking with an anonymous stranger because online we can pretend to be whoever we want to be. There are trolls out there.

Finally, many females probably don't come to sites like this to meet their future mates. Personally, I came to this site for support from fellow Ab/Dl's because I needed to know I was not alone. I needed a place where I could talk freely about my fantasies and my diaper-wearing and not have to censor myself or hide. It's a relief to have access to a sort of "shadow" community of folks who don't know you but who will listen to you and give you all kinds of advice. It's a lot easier to tell a stranger about stuff like this than to confess to people who are invested in your physical and psychological health and who care deeply for you. It's kind of like talking to a panel of amature psychiatrists (no offense to any actual psychiatrists on here). Meeting someone who becomes one of those very important people in your life is a rare side benefit. I think trying a dating website for relationship finding would be more appropriate than a discussion site like this. Many dating sites have people who are interested in things like diapers and such. Just do a search. But be prepared, the above cautions apply to dating sites too. Women are still cautious and suspicious of ANY male who comes on too strongly.

[Diapered Jason]

Speaking from a female perspective, it is very difficult to trust anyone you meet online, especially guys, because no matter how nice he seems at first, there's always the potential that he might be the next Craig's List serial killer. It sucks bigtime that women (and men) have to be so damned cautious these days. I think the media is partly responsable for hyping the few incidents of violence that result from one person meeting physically a total stranger they encountered online. But the effect has been such that no logical-thinking lady wants to be the next victim.

Yep, I have been asked this question. You are not serial killer or something are you? lol.

[thick and dry]

It's all about what you want.

First, even on diaper-dating sites, don't settle. I talked to a few downright gorgeous girls.. and we just didn't click- so we parted. You have to think with your head! Also, I was one-on-one with a couple different ABs before I found one that satisfied everything I wanted in both a girlfriend and an AB... trust me in the long run, you're going to want to be picky. Not telling you to ignore opportunities because you don't think it'll work.... but after some dating, if you know you're in two separate places- you need to decide if it's worth it.

As for the girl who worked for me ...., we talked for a over a year, then went halfway across the country to see each other again and again- and then we finally decided to live together. . So, it's all about what you're willing and able to do for the relationship. I moved away from my entire life to be with her, and can't be happier- but I know that's not for everyone. My point here is that you need to be reasonable when you're looking for someone to be with- and if distance will be an issue. Don't look for people out of state if it is.

As far as just courting ABs (or girls in general), you need to find common interests (besides your fetish) and lead with those. I'm sure (especially on dating sites) they get a lot of introductions that lead- or at least include the diaper discussion. On diaper-dating sites it's obvious you both like them... so leave that topic out completely in your introductions. Try talking about other things first to see how you click first. You'll have plenty of time to talk about the padding . Also, like everyone else has said- this isn't a dating site... you might luck out, but the odds are even worse here than on a specific dating site. Try those first.

Rosalie is correct, even though (at first) we connected through ABDL play- now that we're together it doesn't even come close to taking up our time together. I wear less than I ever have, and we have other things to keep our attention besides baby play. It's important you find someone where this is a real scenario.... if diapers is all you have in common- or enjoy together, it will be a boring and bland relationship.

[justindiapers]

The other thing is about relationships. it is an incredibly common theme to see men wanting a 'diapered woman'. Now I am neither single nor diapered but if I wear a diaper-wearng single woman, the last person I would be looking for would be a diapered man.

I agree that a relationship has to exist on more than just diapers. However, I would point out that the appeal behind looking for a partner within the ABDL community is that there's no fear of being rejected due to diapers when you already know the other person likes diapers. For that reason, when I've been single, (like now) I've always kept profiles on places like diaperspace, alt, fetlife, etc just on the odd chance that maybe there's someone who is a good match for me in both the general relationship sense and in the diaper sense.

That said, the odds are long, and I've never found another ABDL that I'm compatible with other than diapers. Compounding that are all of the incompatibilities within the ABDL community. ABs, DLs, Sissies, Mommies, Daddies, etc - not all combinations are completely compatible. In my case, I'm a DL, and it seems like most of the female personals are women looking for Daddies, which I'm not. So even if we were otherwise compatible, a DL and a AB baby isn't much more compatible than any other random kink combination.

Ultimately, I suspect that most ABDLs will have to do as I have done, and am doing again: look for someone who you know is open-minded and whom you are otherwise compatible with, and then suck it up and admit to them that you love diapers and hope that they're cool with it. And yeah, taking that last step was hard... so now that I'm single again, I'm looking in the ABDL community too in the hope that I won't have to go through that again.

Long story short, as rosalie and others have said, diapers are a small part of any relationship. For that matter, they may be just a small part of the sexual part of the relationship. (that's the way it's been for me) This isn't necessarily the best place to look within the ABDL community, there are other better sites. And you'll probably need to look beyond the ABDL community to find someone. Keep looking locally, with a mind towards overall relationship compatibility, and you'll eventually find someone who's also cool with diapers.

[foundationbaby]

I agree that it can't be all about the diapers. I met my husband on IRC and he was a DL...although not so much anymore. He knew about my incontinence and was curious, but that wasn't the driving force of our relationship. In fact we rarely even talk about diapers anymore. He used to have a collection of the old school pampers, but he purged them before we even moved in together. Now...He just groans about the fact that my diapers aren't cheap.

[sarah_ab]

Its true, a relationship based on diapers alone (or any single one interest alone) is probably not going to last long. If all you have in common is your like of one band, or one food, or one book, thats not a lot to go on.

That being said, as someone else said, the point of looking for a potential partner on an abdl site is so you don't have to have 'that converastion.' as its already out there.

I am an online abdl website dating success story. For me abdl is sexual, and for me personally, sexual compatibility is important in an intimate relationship so i wanted someone who would partake in this with me. I didn't just have a profile on this site, but a few other types of sites as well. I lived in a very rural area of new england, i worked long days, 6-7 days a week sometimes, so meeting someone at a coffee shop, bookstore, or bar was not always possible. I did go on dates with people i met that way, and on occ. second or third dates, but just never clicked with anyone.

When my current boyfriend and I started talking we were two states and a 2 hour drive away, but we wanted to meet. We had more in common than just he liked being a daddy and i liked being a baby in sexual role play scenarios... and we had enough differences, that meeting seemed like a good idea.

Honestly the risk of going on a date with someone you met online is just the same as going on a date with a stranger you met at the library, or the post office, or your local starbucks. You still don't really know anything about them except what they have told you. Sure you have seen them and talked to them, but you can do all that across the internet as well. you should still take the same precautions.. meet in a public place, in daylight, always tell a friend or someone where you are going, when you are going and that you will call or text at a certain time.

So my boyfriend and I started talking around the beginning of June and about 4 weeks later decided to meet. We've now been together for over 6 years, and lived together for over 5 1/2 years. We met right on diapermates.com which I do believe is also owned by DD.

so theres nothing wrong with look on abdl websites, or other fetish or special interest websites, and especially if you live in a smaller area or isolated area, but know if you meet someone further away, eventually one of you will need to relocate.. long distance relationships are usually only successful when there is an 'end' to the long distance in site.. i.e. you know when you will be back together... otherwise the stress of never knowing can get to be too much.

[Rihanna]

....and after over 5000 some posts,.....

Hehe, off topic, but that appears to be your 5,555th post.

[square_duck]

Hehe, off topic, but that appears to be your 5,555th post.

WHOA! I guess I talk to much!

[rosalie.bent]

This really has been an excellent thread! The issue of AB relationships always concerns me because so many of them are poor or more likely - nonexistant. But some of the posts on here have been brilliant. They recognise the essential primacy of RELATIONSHIP over diapers. And that is really the key. I was impressed with a couple of posts that identify that even though they found partners who are AB or DL their relationships arent founded on that - they simply began with diapers. Just like how in the vanilla world, two people are drawn together by a mutual interest or behaviour and then fall in love.

I understand that frustration and sometimes heartbreak of trying to get AB acceptance within a relationship. It is hard work and often doesnt succeed. But from some of the many emails I receive from people in similar situations they still rate their relationships as successful and happy even though the diaper aspect is unfulfilled.

This problem is hardly unique to fetishists. It is a common problem of people going into a relationship expecting and wanting their specific needs and wants to be met and not really getting that. Diaper interest is considered 'weird' by most but when you take out the 'weirdness' factor, it is not a lot different that a man who adores motorsports and lives for it who is married to a wife who loves hand-sewing baby doll clothes all day long. Unless they find an accomodation for their very disparate interests, their relationship may either founder or stagnate.

Diaper interests within a relationship are not a special category. It is relatively rare and a little 'weird', but that is all.

Best of luck to everyone and congrats on those that beat the odds and found a ABDL partner they can actually live with!

[PacificPast]

I started being a complete loudmouthed, emotionless, jerk, and that seems to work pretty well for me. I cut my hair short, started working out a bit, and started treating women like objects. Now they can't get enough of me.

I seriously wish I was kidding. I'd love to be a sensitive guy, but apparently they like objectifying pricks.

[thick and dry]

At your age, you're right (to an extent). I remember not being able to land a high school girl to save my life... a friend told me 'you gotta act tough, make fun of them, ect'... and it's kind of true. Boys who were less appealing than me would 'get the girl' that I couldn't.

Honestly, for most women... (not all)- that's a trend. Something that they enjoy in high school into their early college years. They get more attention from that treatment in the teenage years- and that's a big deal at the time. The ones who don't grow out of it aren't necessarily 'bad', but it's just a part of who they are, personality-wise. Some have a sense of humor for it, some believe that's the way they are supposed to be treated.

Either way, (and this isn't a 'heh, I sure showed those jocks) I knew what I wanted in a girl- and I knew what my fantasy girl was. A sweetheart, and her AB side was also a 'good girl'. There was a couple times in my life where I tried to change up how I acted around women- I just wasn't good enough at pretending. Part of me always knew that I'd find a sweet girl who accepted me and it'd pay off.

All of that isn't to say you can't act a certain way, get the girl, and then show her who you 'truely are'... but that you might miss a wholesome girl or two along the way... that's certainly possible, and most women like to see a man mature and develop for them in a relationship.

[Diapered Jason]

I started being a complete loudmouthed, emotionless, jerk, and that seems to work pretty well for me. I cut my hair short, started working out a bit, and started treating women like objects. Now they can't get enough of me.

I seriously wish I was kidding. I'd love to be a sensitive guy, but apparently they like objectifying pricks.

Lol, um, did you stop to think that maybe they like crew cuts and athletic bodies and only tolerate the asshole because of his body?

[gah!ghost]

If you ask me, girls like all guys and all guys like all girls. Or at least there's always someone out there that's going to be into you no matter what you're like. I was and continue to be the complete opposite of what PacificPast describes. All through highschool I was the weird quiet kid who kept to himself and I got plenty of, usually unwanted, attention from girls. I literally had girls throw themselves at me on a few occasions.

For example, I was at a friends house with a bunch of people including one girl who had been on my case for awhile. She literally got me cornered and it happened to be against a door where the hinges meet the wall. She was attempting to grope me and in my attempt to get away I stood up quickly and gouged my back on the door's hinge. There was blood all over the place and I still have the scar.

[DavidMW]

Just tune into Jerry Springer sometime. There will be some guy of no better than average looks, lousy personality, treats people rudely, etc., and there will usually be two women and another guy all fighting over him in spite of the fact that he's cheated on each of them with the other two - and with their moms.

And yet I can't find someone to date. Maybe I should try that "literally cornered" thing.