Father In Law Now Incontinent....

[BriGuy]

So my father in law just had prostate sugery and is now experiencing incontinnce. He's shut himself in, won't go anywhere and is angry. I want to help, but find it odd to share my fetish with him. They know I like to wear and such but it's not something spoken of.

I'd like to help because I know some things that would probably help him. But don't know how to go about talking to him.

Should I hang back and wait for him to ask, or would volunteering the info be helpful. It sucks knowing of ways to make him feel more free to do what he likes to do.

It's a tough situation.

[Nat]

TBH I think he is being immature about it. I think anyone who acts like having to wear a diaper now is the end of the world are being really immature about it. Same as if they are refusing to wear when they need to. Only mature people would do it because they are taking care of their condition and not letting it run their life. If I were there, I would be telling him this so he would do the opposite of what he is doing. I think more people should be told how mature it is to wear a diaper when they are experiencing incontinence so they feel less ashamed and accept diapers more. Same as if they go out and have fun and not let a diaper ruin it for them.

Also ask him if he can tell you ever have one on and if the answer is no, tell him "then no one else will notice he has one on."

[BriGuy]

yeah. I agree, but he used to be a police officer so I am sure he feeling stripped of his "man hood." But I agree... still don't know how to approach the conversation with him.

[square_duck]

When did he have his surgery? One thing I have learned in life is that it doesn't matter what happens to you, whats important is how you react to it or deal with it.

My Uncle had to have this done as well, but didn't have much problem with incontinence. He used pads for a while and went about his business, and he's a busy guy and hard to keep down....maybe your father in law needs to have a talk with him eventually the condition cleared up on it's own...I guess he had a good surgeon.

Most of this is in perception, and cops do have big egos also, so that could be it. The only one who is making him angry is himself, no one is making him stay at home and shut himself away. If his surgery was fairly recent, it might clear up on it's own. You could offer suggestions such as pads that they make for such instances, and see if that will help.

Maybe try to accommodate him somewhere, go out for lunch or something and keep an eye out for good bathroom accessibility etc, just to get him out and about.

Don't make me come over there and do the diaper thing IE ask if he thinks I might be wearing one or not....then unload that I am a D/L and am very discreet and no one generally can tell if and when I wear....Don't make me!

Or maybe that would work, since they know you wear for what ever reason....and make it the "more the merrier!" or that could really screw things up

Anyways, I understand both sides and it is hard to see peole do this to themselves, as said above, it's not the end of the freekin' world!

Maybe ask how things are going...check up on him now and then, and offer what was said here. It's a sensitive area for some "vanilla types" so your going to be walking on eggshells for a bit. but he might come around if he realizes that there are many solutions to the situation, he just has to be open to them....thats the hard part.

He doesn't have to go down the diaper road, there are pull ups and protective under wear and pads as mentioned...but then there is the nighttime protection....Hmmmm But you have to start somewhere, just check in to see how he is....stop by for a visit (if practical) etc....and go from there. If he is still married, maybe have a chat with the mom-in-law and see if she has an angle to info that might help.

But incontinence isn't a crime, and maybe thats whats bugging him....being a former cop....

Either way, good luck, and just take things one step at a time...mention my Uncle's experience is you want, maybe it will help.

[Bettypooh]

Maybe a silent direct approach will work- toss a diaper in his room with him and close the door without saying a word Then arrange for everyone else in the house to go somewhere fun that he would want to go to While he's home alone stewing, he will have to face the fact that he's doing this to himself What he does with that I can't say, but it might just work Heck, if you'll put on a vest to stop bullets and go out, this is pretty much the same thing- protecting yourself from possible problems in public

Bettypooh

[square_duck]

Maybe a silent direct approach will work- toss a diaper in his room with him and close the door without saying a word Then arrange for everyone else in the house to go somewhere fun that he would want to go to While he's home alone stewing, he will have to face the fact that he's doing this to himself What he does with that I can't say, but it might just work Heck, if you'll put on a vest to stop bullets and go out, this is pretty much the same thing- protecting yourself from possible problems in public

Bettypooh

That's both very funny and kind of mean at the same time toss in a diaper and then leave to go have fun with out him LOL..."here, You decide....c-ya!!" LOLI see the message but with some people it takes a bit more 'tact' or you just have to wait till they try everything else and finally come to the conclusion themselves that maybe this is the best route to take But if I ever come across this with anyone I know I'll keep this in the back of my mind....but I;ll remember to blame Betty for it as well......wasn't MY idea!

[Bettypooh]

Not so much "mean" as it is "Here's the solution- take it or leave it but quit griping about it now" Many older Cops are traditionalists and hesitant to change unless they see the 'new' way is better, and nobody likes to see everyone else have fun as they sit there like a wallflower Done discretely, nobody else will know thus removing any stigma from the outside. Simple, direct, quiet psychology at work Curi will know whether this might work or not, and even if he doesn't try it, he might be a little less resistant to this part of Curi's life once he sees that there's really nothing good or bad about a diaper- it's all in how you see it

One more idea would be to make the 'diaper' one of the new Depends Real Fit style- these are as close to regular underwear as it gets and they work well for what they are. Most importantly to a new user is that they do not leak anywhere till their capacity is exceeded, so that he will quickly regain his confidence at staying dry

Bettypooh

[wetman]

...or he'll take his old service k-frame .357 and blows his brain all over the place.

I don't think Betty's Silent Approach™ is right for this gentleman.

[DavidMW]

So my father in law just had prostate sugery and is now experiencing incontinnce. He's shut himself in, won't go anywhere and is angry.

How recent was this? "just had" sounds fairly recent. Some people need more time to mentally adjust to chronic conditions than others do.

How old is he? Sounds post-retirement age. If he's been fairly healthy up til now, he's dealing with the double whammy of prostate problems (cancer?) and diapers - old man's problems that can really emphasize his mortality.

My dad's in diaper following prostate cancer and surgery a few years ago. Before his own surgery, he saw a brother die after the cancer spread, and he saw friends-age-peers go through this with much worse recoveries than he has. It took some time, but he's adjusted, although he remains a bit embarrased about having to wear diapers. He has commented on how the combo was the first time he really felt like an old man.

Give him time.

[DavidMW]

Also keep in mind all the posts in the forums here from DL folks who voluntarily choose to wear and yet get nervous about wearing in public (will people know? what if they see the diaper? will they see the bulge? what if they hear the crinkle? what if I leak? what if my friends find out? etc.) Some of these DLs end up never wearing in public.

The difference is he won't have that choice.

[square_duck]

A lot of the 'fears' that people have about wearing in public are mostly in their heads as a form of paranoia. These quickly disappear when they discover that they can be very discreet while wearing and no one will ever know. I learned this just by doing it, and no, I don't worry about it anymore. I have worn in public and around friends who know me and no a word was said.....so it's really no biggie...just taking that first B*I*G (imaginary) step is the hard part, everything after that is easy...

I hope he gets through this ok though....it's not something easy to deal with for some.

[froggy]

My dad lost bowel control for reasons unknown to me. He hated the diapers because he viewed them as taking his adult status away. He was less of a man because he needed diapers. He got little sympathy. He had done his best for a number of years to humiliate his post stroke wife for needing diapers. I think he got the justice he deserved.

Now for the post surgery need, the man needs to find that some product will give him the freedom to get out of the house. He may need to shift to slightly looser clothing that do not show the bulges. And above all, no one should make a big deal about his needing diapers. Treat him as you did before. Only his underwear changed.

[KWoods]

Knowing a lot of police officers, current and retired, I think it is a sure bet that placing a diaper in his room or relating to him as a diaper lover is a very bad idea. Worst case is he may see the diaper as a poor practical joke, that he is being mocked. He will not relate to you as a DL any more than he could someone who is gay. I’m not saying this in a homo-phobic way, it’s the fact that a straight policeman would not go for this tactic.

Perhaps you can take the opportunity (when it occurs - don’t force it) to ask how he is doing and tell him you are worried. At some point, you could ask if he would like to visit with your relative who went through the same thing. People seem to relate to those who have ‘been there’ and are able to share a common problem. A problem shared is a problem halved.

Good luck and hope it goes well…

[babylin]

Hey BriGuy !!

Get a copy of the 1988 movie MR NORTH in which Robert Michum (a wealthy shut in) has this urinary incontinence problem and Anthony Edwards shows him how to be back in public.

Mr. North

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Mr. North Directed by Danny Huston Produced by John Huston

Steven Haft

Skip Steloff

Tom Shaw Screenplay by John Huston

James Costigan Based on Theophilus North by

Thornton Wilder Starring Anthony Edwards

Robert Mitchum

Lauren Bacall

Harry Dean Stanton

Anjelica Huston

Mary Stuart Masterson

Virginia Madsen Music by David McHugh Cinematography Robin Vidgeon Editing by Roberto Silvi Studio Heritage Entertainment Inc.

Showcase Productions International Distributed by The Samuel Goldwyn Company Release date(s)

• July 22, 1988

Running time 93 minutes Country United States Language English Box office $1,221,366 ^[1]

(limited release)

Mr. North is a 1988 American comedy-drama film starring Anthony Edwards, based on the 1973 novel Theophilus North by Thornton Wilder.

Directed by Danny Huston, the film became a family project; produced by John Huston, it also stars Anjelica Huston, Danny's future wife Virginia Madsen, andAllegra Huston.

[edit]

In 1920s Newport, Rhode Island, Theophilus North (Anthony Edwards) is an engaging, multi-talented, middle-class Yale graduate who spends the summer catering to the wealthy families of the city. He becomes the confidant of James McHenry Bosworth (Robert Mitchum), and a tutor and tennis coach to the families' children. He also befriends many from the city's servant class including Henry Simmons (Harry Dean Stanton), Amelia Cranston (Lauren Bacall), and Sally Boffin (Virginia Madsen).Plot

Complications arise when some residents begin to ascribe healing powers to the static electricity shocks that Mr. North happens to generate frequently. Despite never claiming any healing or medical abilities, he is accused of quackery, and must, with the help of those he has befriended, defend himself.

In the end, Mr. North accepts a position of leadership at an educational and philosophical academy founded by Mr. Bosworth, and begins a romance with Bosworth's granddaughter Persis.

[edit]Cast

• Anthony Edwards as T. Theophilus North

• Robert Mitchum as James McHenry Bosworth

• Lauren Bacall as Amelia Cranston

• Harry Dean Stanton as Henry Simmons

• Anjelica Huston as Persis Bosworth-Tennyson

• Mary Stuart Masterson as Elspeth Skeel

• Virginia Madsen as Sally Boffin

• Tammy Grimes as Sarah Baily-Lewis

• David Warner as Dr. Angus McPherson

• Hunter Carson as Galloper Skeel

• Christopher Durang as YMCA clerk

• Mark Metcalf as George Skeel

• Katharine Houghton as Mrs. Skeel

• Thomas H. Needham as Judge Nicholas Catwalader

• Richard Woods as Willis

• Harriet Rogers as Tante Liselotte

• Layla Summers as Nadia Denby

• Lucas Hall as Joseph Denby

• Thomas-Laurence Hand as Luther Denby

• Linda Peterson as Mrs. Denby

• Cleveland Amory as Mr. Danforth

• Christopher Lawford as Michael Patrick Ennis III

I suspect that if he watches this movie he may figure it out on his own.. Just saying...

happiness is wearing cotton diapers

[edit]

[square_duck]

This might sound kind of stupid, or not....but logic might work here as well. Just ask him what he does when he has to go out when it's raining...wear a rain coat or take an umbrella, to keep dry for PROTECTION....Soooo when it's 'raining' in his shorts why not do the same thing, for PROTECTION.

Incontinence isn't a crime, but it is (unfortunately) a social stigma, and thats a big sticking point, but as said above, who care what underwear he has on. People and friends want to be with him for HIM, not his underwear....that changes nothing, unless he needs to change (kidding)

Hope this might help somehow..

[foundout]

There are other ways to manage incontinence. He could try a condom catheter, which is a condom attached to a hose and bag. Or he could learn to catheterize himself. Personally, I think diapers are less invasive and more comfortable, but to each their own. I hope your FIL gets some help, though.

[babykeiff]

BriGuy,

your father in law has been putting on a macho face for years, but in his mind he was afraid that someone would see that he was only a big kid. The developement of incontinence has really brought this home. For him to have others know that he wears 'baby diapers' cause he needs them, is contrary to his sence of manhood.

Discussing this with him is going to strain the relationship between you and him to breaking point. Have you got that strong of a relationship with him?

If so, then what you should do is pick up some pamplets about protective breifs, and give them to him. Be discreet about it, - make sure that the pamplets are in a brown envelope, and there is nothing with his name on it. Also, pick up some sample products for him to try in private. If you wish to discuss in in person, go walking with him - ie in a forest or some open area where there is NO chance of being overheard, but you may have to become tough with him - to get him to go out. Don't back down, no matter how heated the conversation becomes. Make sure before this, that whenever you are talking to him that you are alone - no kids / adults or disturbances whatsoever.