So My Wife Is Giving Up....

[ldatsea]

like every marriage we have had our issues... but since i lost my job in august and we struggled to pay the mortgage and bills she has grown further and further away... she stopped helping me clean the house or share in the cooking would always talk about what she used be able to spend HER money on. she than moved into another room claiming my snoring is keeping her awake... i would think the first 5 years would have been an issue... she would only come to me for sex when SHE was horny and if i was not she would give attitude....she than started staying all week at her moms "saving money on gas" they work together... i then found out she was hording money even tho we are behind in all of the bills, while i have been taking part time work and paying every cent to keep our house I brought it from 5 months behind to 2 months she spent money on dvds other "toys"... she shut herself in her room and sat on the bed spending all her time on the internet and watching tv while the trash in her room piled up and the coach roaches bred... it became obvious she is in deep depression when we talked about it she said she would see a doc about her depression but has not. last week she asked if i wanted her to move out she had found an apartment that she can afford with all the money she has horded away... I suggested she spend that money on a shrink to solve her depression as that seems to be the real reason our marriage is failing. she agreed ... we went the week fairly nice than last night she came into room all angry and telling me to tell her if i wanted her to move out i told her no i dont want you to move out but i need you to put in a effort and show me you care about this relationship. she went off on tangents and even tho i said i did not want her to move out she acted like i didnt say that... ( deep down i think she wants me to tell her) I asked her if I did all of these things to her what would she think she said "I would think you are cheating on me"...

than this morning after she left for work i looked into her room to see if she left her computer (as that is the clue if she is coming home or staying at her moms) and on the bed was paperwork for a desolution of marrriage (unfilled) and her wedding rings..

Now I know i am no saint in this as I am far from perfect but i have tried to support her and gone way over to do things to make her happy and it seems she just wants it to end....

now what have i been fighting for these last 8 months.....

i just dont have anyone to talk with about this and need to vent... Thanks

[timmyc]

sorry, went down a similar road 10 years ago. Marriage is a completely different game that it was for our parents and grandparents. Hope you can work it out, if not good luck & best wishes moving forward.

[thong5]

Sorry to hear this, my EX did the same to me 15 yrs ago as well. She blamed everything on me when in fact she was sleeping with a co-worker for quite awhile. Anyway the best i can tell you is it will get better the thing that is causing you the most sadness in your life is moving away. Do your best to take care of the things you can control, saving your home, getting a better job etc. Do things that make you happy whatever they may be, movies, fishing, whatever it will help take your mind off of the situation even if it's only for a little while at a time. Soon enough you will feel better about you and where you are in your life, Believe me it works. Stay as positive as you can and soon it will reflect in everything you do. Best of luck to you, I'm sure you will be fine.

[LuvsGurl]

Technically, if you get a divorce you'll get half of that money she has hoarded away. Get a lawyer, a GOOD one. They can make the courts see that while you've been working your tail off she's been playing around.

[tcc]

I'm sure all of us can "armchair quarterback" and offer advice when you stated you were venting, merely resigned to the situation, not necessarily asking for advice.

And, us guys, well, we're great at giving advice to "fix" things, even when it's not requested.

There's far more to the story than you could detail. It sounds like it took "two to tango", and there are issues from both sides. It sounds like there may be a medical problem, maybe a mental health problem and maybe a heapin' helpin' o' marital counseling - which is nothing more than getting intervention from a dis-interested third party - might have some merit.

Glad you had a place to go to vent. It may be stressful to read unsolicited advice, but, just like at my A.A. meetings, there might just be something jump out at you that makes a lot of sense and can prove to be helpful.

Good luck.

[LILJIM]

Technically, if you get a divorce you'll get half of that money she has hoarded away. Get a lawyer, a GOOD one. They can make the courts see that while you've been working your tail off she's been playing around.

And she may have to pay you allimony.

[redneck diaper boy]

I went down the same road over 10 years ago. My heart goes out to you. I have been there. My ex left me with small children. Now my youngest is 17 and never even received a birthday card from his mom. Some women are bitches.

like every marriage we have had our issues... but since i lost my job in august and we struggled to pay the mortgage and bills she has grown further and further away... she stopped helping me clean the house or share in the cooking would always talk about what she used be able to spend HER money on. she than moved into another room claiming my snoring is keeping her awake... i would think the first 5 years would have been an issue... she would only come to me for sex when SHE was horny and if i was not she would give attitude....she than started staying all week at her moms "saving money on gas" they work together... i then found out she was hording money even tho we are behind in all of the bills, while i have been taking part time work and paying every cent to keep our house I brought it from 5 months behind to 2 months she spent money on dvds other "toys"... she shut herself in her room and sat on the bed spending all her time on the internet and watching tv while the trash in her room piled up and the coach roaches bred... it became obvious she is in deep depression when we talked about it she said she would see a doc about her depression but has not. last week she asked if i wanted her to move out she had found an apartment that she can afford with all the money she has horded away... I suggested she spend that money on a shrink to solve her depression as that seems to be the real reason our marriage is failing. she agreed ... we went the week fairly nice than last night she came into room all angry and telling me to tell her if i wanted her to move out i told her no i dont want you to move out but i need you to put in a effort and show me you care about this relationship. she went off on tangents and even tho i said i did not want her to move out she acted like i didnt say that... ( deep down i think she wants me to tell her) I asked her if I did all of these things to her what would she think she said "I would think you are cheating on me"...

than this morning after she left for work i looked into her room to see if she left her computer (as that is the clue if she is coming home or staying at her moms) and on the bed was paperwork for a desolution of marrriage (unfilled) and her wedding rings..

Now I know i am no saint in this as I am far from perfect but i have tried to support her and gone way over to do things to make her happy and it seems she just wants it to end....

now what have i been fighting for these last 8 months.....

i just dont have anyone to talk with about this and need to vent... Thanks

[Patience]

look. I met someone and i thought everything was going smooth. She even liked wearing diapers, and diapering me. All of sudden she started to get quiet, and then distancing herself, and then the we need to talk, words. If you need to vent then vent. If you hold it in, it will eat you alive. You start pushing friends away, family and then your health. Keep yourself busy. If you start thinking about her, It will make you feel like crap. Start a list. Just do it. What do i want to accomplish? or get back into? And keep your mind busy.

I crashed when i got those words told to me. But i talked about it to my friends, and family. Plus i pushed myself back into Taekwondo,weightlifting, running, and get out with my friends.

Out of what i typed out. Vent and don't put yourself into the corner.

Hands up high and have fun in life.

Patience.

[KrisNdiapers]

I say listen to thong5^, my wife and I split 5 years ago. I did everything in my power for her and all she wanted to do was get away, no saving the mariage. If its her that wants to go away you cant stop it, dont lose your personal security trying to prevent it. Thats what happened to me, and I am still trying to bounce back. Nothing says she wont come back, I am just saying you cant prevent her from doing what she wants.

[wetman]

I don't think that she'll have to pay you alimony or share her money with you. It would more likely come out that you have to sell up and split the value of the house and then probably even pay her rent. Courts are usually in favour of the woman, it's less controversial and easier to argue for.

After all, they would argue, it was her who worked and brought all the money in, and you are a sick pervert.

I know that you want to save the marriage. But you make a mistake that is just all too common: you want the girl back that you married. She's gone, dead.

The woman you are with is most likely asking you if you want to split because her lawyer advised her to do so.

If the house is in your name then sell up now. It'll go anyway. Buy gold bullion and stash it away. Tell people that you blew it in Monaco.

If it's joint, don't pay the mortgage any more.

I'm sorry that the wife that you loved passed away, but now, right now (before the lawyers get to it, and they will) is the time to minimise the damage.

You don't want to read this.

And I wish it hadn't happened.

All the best

wetman

[redneck diaper boy]

Remember Florida is a "no fault" divorce state. I had a good lawyer and managed to keep my house and kids. The judge here had no sympathy for a woman picking a man over her kids. I raised 3 kids on my own until I re-married several years later.

Later, the court ordered the bitch to pay some child support and I never saw a dime of it.

like every marriage we have had our issues... but since i lost my job in august and we struggled to pay the mortgage and bills she has grown further and further away... she stopped helping me clean the house or share in the cooking would always talk about what she used be able to spend HER money on. she than moved into another room claiming my snoring is keeping her awake... i would think the first 5 years would have been an issue... she would only come to me for sex when SHE was horny and if i was not she would give attitude....she than started staying all week at her moms "saving money on gas" they work together... i then found out she was hording money even tho we are behind in all of the bills, while i have been taking part time work and paying every cent to keep our house I brought it from 5 months behind to 2 months she spent money on dvds other "toys"... she shut herself in her room and sat on the bed spending all her time on the internet and watching tv while the trash in her room piled up and the coach roaches bred... it became obvious she is in deep depression when we talked about it she said she would see a doc about her depression but has not. last week she asked if i wanted her to move out she had found an apartment that she can afford with all the money she has horded away... I suggested she spend that money on a shrink to solve her depression as that seems to be the real reason our marriage is failing. she agreed ... we went the week fairly nice than last night she came into room all angry and telling me to tell her if i wanted her to move out i told her no i dont want you to move out but i need you to put in a effort and show me you care about this relationship. she went off on tangents and even tho i said i did not want her to move out she acted like i didnt say that... ( deep down i think she wants me to tell her) I asked her if I did all of these things to her what would she think she said "I would think you are cheating on me"...

than this morning after she left for work i looked into her room to see if she left her computer (as that is the clue if she is coming home or staying at her moms) and on the bed was paperwork for a desolution of marrriage (unfilled) and her wedding rings..

Now I know i am no saint in this as I am far from perfect but i have tried to support her and gone way over to do things to make her happy and it seems she just wants it to end....

now what have i been fighting for these last 8 months.....

i just dont have anyone to talk with about this and need to vent... Thanks