Friend Thinks A Choice Is A Insult

[Kari]

That was the best title I came to.

She is a nurse and knows those who HAVE to wear diapers.

And do not choose to wear diapers.

I also have a friend who is a CNA,

She thinks wearing diapers for fun is an insult to the incontinent.

Where am I on this scale???

I would never want to NOT have a choice,

But they make a good argument. I guess...

How should I feel???

I'm so confused with my urges vs. needs.

I never want to disrespect the incontinent community or "wish" I was that way.

I thank God I have a choice.

[Creepymouse]

So dying your hair brown is an insult to people who bleach their hair blonde?

Taking hot showers is an insult to those who have no hot water?

Sleeping in a bed is an insult to people who have to sleep on the floor?

Getting breast implants is an insult to people who have large breasts and don't want them?

No. We ALL want something, and every one of those wants is unwanted by someone else somewhere. Thinking it's an insult to them is just foolish. Perhaps one wishes one could trade, but sadly it doesn't work that way.

[Diapers4Me]

I agree with creepymouse....not an all together honest response to your desires. Although some of his comparisons aren't quite right....but still, incontinent people couldn't care less that some people like to wear diapers. Some may find our desire disgusting, some are probably unfazed by it, and some probably wish they liked them - but still find them uncomfortable, embarassing and demeaning.

I think they are just transfering their dislike of your fetish to the incontinent people they look after.

[square_duck]

So dying your hair brown is an insult to people who bleach their hair blonde?

Taking hot showers is an insult to those who have no hot water?

Sleeping in a bed is an insult to people who have to sleep on the floor?

Getting breast implants is an insult to people who have large breasts and don't want them?

No. We ALL want something, and every one of those wants is unwanted by someone else somewhere. Thinking it's an insult to them is just foolish. Perhaps one wishes one could trade, but sadly it doesn't work that way.

^ agree 10000000000%. what you do that makes you happy or feel good shouldn't matter to anyone else, as long as no one gets hurt or it interferes with what others are doing. I felt the same "guilt" over wearing until I realized that there are millions of incontinent people all around the world. Yes they 'have to' wear for one reason or another, but it's still ok. because the alternative is wet pants and a floor to mop or wet bed.

As a D/L, sure I have a choice, to a point, and one which I am grateful for. I have to give in to the urges when they hit, kind of like a junkie needing a fix for what ever reason

What is insulting are the AB/DL types who throw it in incontinent peoples face by saying "you're so lucky" "I wish I was incontinent" or the public exposure and other such Bull. It's childish and insulting to everyone involved! having worn for long periods, I have a good idea what incontinent people have to go through, and it really isn't fun. worrying about leaks, sagging diapers, odor, shirts being un-tucked, figuring out where to change, disposal of the used item etc. I go through cycles of wearing for long periods, so I have had to deal with these as well, so I have a pretty good idea of what it's like, and having had these experiences, I have a great appreciation for what they have to contend with. It is this also which leads me to want to help as much as possible with what ever an incontinent persons issues maybe.

They DON'T WANT TO be incontinent, it's something they are stuck with for what ever reason, and it is embarrassing and a hassle. I try to help by addressing the issue from the angle of it not being a "problem' to over come (which you can't generally) but a "condition" which requires management instead. this takes the pressure off and gives the person a better perspective on the situation, and (hopefully) helps them move forward and get back into life.

"Recreational diaper wearing" "CAN" be insulting, if thrown in peoples faces for thrills and attention, but generally I see the AB/Dl community as a resource for the incontinent community as a place to come for product information, and a place to chat, and find companionship, even if it is through the sterile environment of the internet. we all wear the same underwear, though for different reasons, so it gets that 'uncomfortable' issue out of the way and people can relate on a more personal basis.

There are many 'incons' here who come for fun, information, companionship, acceptance and to be able to help others, so again, I don't see how it can be an insult, unless it is used in and abusive manner.

Anyways, you might explain this to your judgmental 'friend' and maybe have her think things through a bit more. Yes it can go either way, but if we stay positive, and remember that the community "CAN' be used to help others, then it will help or public image in the long run, and help support those who might need it.

As odd as it is, everything has it's opposite, and we are the opposite of the incontinent community. we 'like to wear' where they 'Have to" so why not use that as a good support vehicle to help those who might be struggling and unhappy with their situation, instead of rubbing it in their faces that "we have a choice" and any other hurtful BS.

[timmyc]

you have a choice to like diapers, she has a choice to not like diapers. If it becomes a huge issue between you you may have to make a choice about who is your friend and who isn't

[Cruiser 03]

Square Duck is absolutely dead on 1 million percent right on the "issue" if you dont mind me chimming in here

Peace

[Daddy Fred]

Creepymouse shows some inescapable logic about the whole matter. Meaning that any problems are in someone's head, not in reality at all. I reckon we should all try and see other people's habits for what they are. If what you do harms no-one else, so what?

Daddy Fred xx.

[Creepymouse]

I reread my response and though some of the comparisons work, some were not quite right. For example, the shower one would have been better stated:

Would taking a cold shower because I want to be an insult to people who have no hot water?

or perhaps

Would going without a shower be an insult to someone who has no running water?

[Baby Brian]

Coming from someone that used to be urge incontinent as the result of a car wreck. I've always liked wearing diapers for as long as I can remember but never 24/7. After my car wreck I got painful urges with less than 20 seconds notice that I was about to flood my diaper. I had to wear them 24/7 but they would leak quite often and got to a point that was no longer likable, let alone fun. Doctors couldn't "fix" me so I resolved to become fully incontinent on my own, 24/7, no more urges. I know I don't have the choice of being continent, but I love wearing diapers again. Does that make me insulting to the rest of the community? Your friend needs an attitude adjustment.

[dogpiss]

Sooooo... does that mean technical divers, (many female military pilots and) astronauts are an insult to the incontinent. Puuulllleeeezzzz! If you were a technical diver and liked one part of your job, or in some cases extreme hobby, more than the other, without specifying, would that be insulting to ANYONE? Uh, NO! I don't see why someone's got their pampersthong in a wad because you like diapers!?! Is wearing underwear an insult to those who don't want 'panty lines'?

[Kari]

Thanks Guys & Gals...

I'm sorry someone thought it was necessary to "ding" my reputation.

Even though this was more of a question than a conclusion.

She won't change my mind about wearing diapers.

I just wanted to bounce it off you guys since I found a "friend" that CLEARLY does not understand.

[Bettypooh]

Thanks Guys & Gals...

I'm sorry someone thought it was necessary to "ding" my reputation.

Even though this was more of a question than a conclusion.

She won't change my mind about wearing diapers.

I just wanted to bounce it off you guys since I found a "friend" that CLEARLY does not understand.

As for me, my definition of "friend" would not cover her if she acted this way It's one thing to not understand or to disagree, but to intentionally bash is not a sign of caring or compassion- the two main things which set friends apart from all the rest

But don't just give up on her, some people will eventually come to understand their errors My oldest friend, who is still my friend, was the first to laugh in my face when I came out as TG which prompted me to tell him where the door was Once he saw that he'd hurt me he apologized and said he didn't mean to hurt me, but that he just couldn't understand it or see me that way. A year and a half later we'd gotten back to where we'd been- he still didn't understand (and still doesn't) but he knew that I had no choice but to be myself and I was still OK-he still liked me as his friend and he accepted me however I needed to be As rare as real friends are I'm glad I gave him the chance to change and I'm very glad to still have such a true and honest friend today

Bettypooh

[AndB]

I have a vegetable garden in my back yard (when it's not covered with snow). Is that an insult to subsistence farmers in Africa who "have to" grow their own food?

[Leilin]

Being insulted on behalf of someone else is an insult to them.

[Cruiser 03]

Gee whiz AndB maybe you should send your veggies across the pond to some poor farmer wrapped in a couple of Molicare Super plus that would be like emptying say "10" bladders with one carot.

Peace

[Guest waslost1234abc]

yeah i see no problem with wanting to wear and im a urinary and fecal incontinent person. what does bug me and other people who are incon is how many people want the disability.....actually look for ways to make it happen....its one thing to maybe want to experience it for a day so that way u can gain some empathy but there are so many people in the community who driving goal in life is to be incontinent....but i guess to each his own.....

[Guest waslost1234abc]

Thanks Guys & Gals...

I'm sorry someone thought it was necessary to "ding" my reputation.

Even though this was more of a question than a conclusion.

She won't change my mind about wearing diapers.

I just wanted to bounce it off you guys since I found a "friend" that CLEARLY does not understand.

i my self appreciate your genuine post....i appreciate that you are concerned about demeaning people who are incontinent even though i think you havent by wanting to wear diapers.....

[Cruiser 03]

Hey i wear because i HAVE to otherwise there would be a pee trail behind my wheelchair where ever i go. and I do not think it's insulting in any way, its the "rocket scientists" that commit crimes while wearing nothing but a diaper and things like that that give everyone AB/DL or "incon" a bad wrap i mean we have a section here for "diapers in the news" and read some of the weird stuff that people do, it amaze's me but more than that it saddens me because then people fixate on those idiots and some of the nice decent AB/DL folks who just want to relax and wear a diaper cant because society puts them on level with the last biggest screwball lose in a diaper. I mean after that Astronaugt thing how long did the media reverberate "diapers to go to florida non stop" forget about the love triangle or the other two people involved it was about the diapers. all right sorry for the rant but i do Endorse my fellow AB/DL's and as i said do not believe they are insulting me.

Peace

[WallaWalla]

I'm going to take something I heard from somebody on one end of the spectrum and go see what a bunch of people who have a clear incentive to agree me are going to say on the other end, the results should be both insightful and entirely unexpected.

[Baby Brian]

yeah i see no problem with wanting to wear and im a urinary and fecal incontinent person. what does bug me and other people who are incon is how many people want the disability.....actually look for ways to make it happen....its one thing to maybe want to experience it for a day so that way u can gain some empathy but there are so many people in the community who driving goal in life is to be incontinent....but i guess to each his own.....

I'd have to disagree with you waslost1234abc. I had wanted to be incontinent for as long as I could remember and at times sought ways to make it happen (from letting it happen to hypnosis). I unexpectedly got what I had wished for in a bad car wreck some years back and became urge incontinent (very painful urges at times too). Since I was all ready diapered 24/7 I sought method after method to be come fully incontinent (no control, no feeling, no urges). My only regret is that I didn't seek out achieving my full incontinence decades earlier (via long term catheter use), before I actually needed to.

Obviously I haven't insulted myself by seeking out incontinence (especially since I all ready had a form of incontinence), and I don't believe my present self would have been insulted had I achieved it well in the past.

[happyindprs]

I am not medically diagnosed as incontinent and yet I am dependent on wearing diapers the rest of my life. This is not an insult to those that are at least in my opinion. Whether medically diagnosed or used as a coping mechanism, most of us have a Real need to wear diapers. For the non medical group we Do have a choice to stop, albeit temporary. I do not know of nor have I met anyone who got into wearing diapers that has been able to give them up for any length of time. We have all come back to them each and every time. Someone once told me that we don't choose diapers, diapers choose us. I think that quote is very true. When we do something long enough it becomes part of us so trying to do without a part, does not work.

For everything we do in life, there is someone, somewhere that is going to give you a negative comment about. I have long ago decided that I have to make myself happy before I make others feel the same. I am a great person with many good qualities I just have never and will never outgrow my need to be diapered.

[ThomasInWVa]

I don't really think of it as an insult - just nuts! It is certainly up there on the wierdness scale but hell of a lot better than doing drugs, crime, branding, or those wierd piercing. As things go, it is really very minor. For the most part it wouldn't affect anyone except the wearer so who cares? It isn't like drunk driving.

Nope, not insulted but I don't understand it at all.

[Angelica]

As a 100% disabled veteran I have been wearing diapers even as an Field Grade Officer in the Air force. And yes Pilots do wear diapers especially in long flights and in combat situations were the body is subjected to High G forces. I have chronic fecal & urinary incontinence and yes it provided (and still provides) some embarrassing moments. Most of the embarrassing moments come from the low bid diaper the VA provides. As for hating anyone that wears because of their being an ab or dl I could care less!! To tell you the truth the more folks that are into diapers the demand increases and the diapers manufacturers take notice and increase production. Along with that increased demand also has come a demand from diaper wearers that the fit and quality of diapers be improved. I became an ab as my release for mt having to use diapers! Then I grew to love my ab side (and yes my mental health doctors at the VA know about my ab side).

Coming to sites like this give many incontinent folks including myself better information about the various diapers available and their quality in relation to each other than any info currently available on diaper manufacturers & supplier sites.