Depression And It'S Effects

[Repaid1]

This is the new forum set up to help others, whether it be yourself or someone you care about. Use it to discuss events or causes, perhaps just to get something off your mind. If you need to talk, others are hear to listen.

DAILY DI: Need your help with locking it down.

[curiositykilledthecat]

I am very glad to see that something was done in this person's honor and diapered_witch is over here clapping that this was done as well. I didn't know Restless all that well, however I know Mischa very well and moogs pretty well and know that this impacted both. Hell I just recently had to keep a friend from possibly offing himself. For anyone struggling, this is an awesome idea and a great place for you to just vent your frustrations without getting harassed by the usual assholes on here who have nothing to offer.(99% of people here are awesome, the 1% tend to be extremely cruel). I developed a forum on yuku for people with Borderline personality disorder and have a private member's only section where you can vent., I'm not going to advertise it here, just pm me if you are curious. I'm not looking for publicity, just throwing another option out there for anyone struggling that needs a safe place to vent. No matter where you do it, don't go it alone and don't hold it in, neither are helpful.

[KittenAB]

Depression is a tricky one, though I can only really tell you what I go through. It's like most times the world just doesn't seem worth it, as if it's all pointless and you're going nowhere for no reason. Once in a while you get a "normal" day, but usually you have to find some reason to get out of bed, no matter how small, just something. Medication for depression is something I am not for, because what they prescribe to it doesn't make it go away really, it just changes the symptoms, instead of feeling that it's all pointless with the meds you feel like you just don't want to do it. But I have learned to live with it, by finding that one thing I want to do, usually pretty small, and focus on that. Usually it will distract me from the "down" feelings enough to get me through the day. Lately I've gotten into video games, seems to work the best for me right now for some reason.

The medical community though tends to push people into quick fixes, such as drugs ... which then require more drugs to get rid of those side effects ... which requires ... well you get the idea. I tried them, four prescriptions later I said enough and got them out of my system then sought a way to actually fight it instead of cover it up.

[Codymoogle]

Thank you for this, DailyDi and Repaid. That's all I can really say.

~ moogle

[Mischa]

I am very glad to see that something was done in this person's honor and diapered_witch is over here clapping that this was done as well. I didn't know Restless all that well, however I know Mischa very well and moogs pretty well and know that this impacted both. Hell I just recently had to keep a friend from possibly offing himself. For anyone struggling, this is an awesome idea and a great place for you to just vent your frustrations without getting harassed by the usual assholes on here who have nothing to offer.(99% of people here are awesome, the 1% tend to be extremely cruel). I developed a forum on yuku for people with Borderline personality disorder and have a private member's only section where you can vent., I'm not going to advertise it here, just pm me if you are curious. I'm not looking for publicity, just throwing another option out there for anyone struggling that needs a safe place to vent. No matter where you do it, don't go it alone and don't hold it in, neither are helpful.

curi you can say it was me.

[Bettypooh]

Some years back I was diagnosed with CD. At first I was like "WTF? I'm not depressed; suicidal yes but not depressed. I've never been depressed!" Then I learned more about this insidious disease. I needed Meds to get going but I finally learned enough self-awareness and self control that I could do without them. Don't disparage these Meds- they can work well but it usually takes some time to get the Med and dosage right CD doesn't mean you can't handle things- it's a physical problem with the nerve synapses in the brain- so when it's strong you're going to need Meds. Maybe through therapy you can learn how to get by without them later on, maybe not, but give them a chance. Generally they lessen the extreme moods and mood swings that exemplify depression With me they dulled the lows and the highs. I found that I couldn't stand being without my 'highs' (natural ones- no drugs) so I weaned myself from the meds as my therapist watched (and bi+ched at me) I found that as long as I don't let the depression gain a foothold I can fight it off. That can take a couple hours to a couple weeks of constant self-observation complete with stops to reflect why I'm doing things During those times avoid conflict and stress and look for things that make you happy. Give yourself more time and more pleasure; don't rush life and get that ice cream bar just because you want it- you deserve that and you're worth it Never forget that someone cares about you. I'm happy to discuss any particulars with anyone to help them; just ask

Bettypooh

[Guest Baby-Toa]

i've had extreme depression before. I still have it everyone once in awhile but i just find a way to occupy my time till i feel better. i've done the meds thing. I think they work but only with the right ones. having someone to talk to is extremely important which is why i will talk to anyone and give everyone a chance.

[hidden]

I missed any discussion relating to restlessfox...

I know I am depressed. Every day, everyone looks down on me. No matter what I do, it always is someway my fault. I do what is right and get ignored. Those in charge always side with those that are wrong. I slip up once and get yelled at. Others do something wrong and they get off ok. I am sick of that crap day to day. This is what I have to put up with everyday.

But alas, life must go on...

The way I feel is probably why I am still up at 4:22 or later every night. When I go to bed, it only starts over.

[curiositykilledthecat]

I have a lot I wish to write, however I have not had the privacy needed to write. I am not depressed as much as I am stressed out beyond all healthy manner as of late. I've fit the profile for CD years ago and think the whole synapses thing is a crock of shit developed by shrinks to keep people on meds when they don't actually work. There are chemical imbalances and at times they may be the cause, however unless you're bipolar or have a major mental disorder that causes you to hear voices and act paranoid, I don't see meds of any assistance. Numbing my brain is not helping it. It is like giving someone who's arm is hurting Novocain and then never finding out what is causing the pain. I have bouts of depression and they come and go. My hormones are out whack right now so the bouts tend to be more frequent and at times severe, however I do my best to just ride out the storms without doing or saying anything stupid. When it comes to the stress, it's because she is usually doing or saying something stupid and I'm past my threshold. I do notice that I'm in a situation where none of the basic needs are being met and yet I'm being pulled ten different directions.

[PArms]

Everyone gets depressed now and then. When I'm depressed, it's usually because I have no partner in life. I have contemplated taking my own life numerous times, but never have attempted it because I have faith of God. I also think about how my family would react. Every now and then, I break down and need God to carry me through the episode. Remember that God has plans for all of us. He will weave our story with other's stories. I just know that what happens in my life is part of God's plan. I trust that everything has its purpose to complete His plan.

Those that took their own lives did not have the faith of God. It's when you have your darkest hours and start to think that there is nothing else that you can do to get through your troubled times that God will pick you up and help you walk in the right direction. Sometimes you have to become weak in order for you to be strong. You have to experience that feeling of the inability to achieve something on your own and require the assistance of God before you can walk through life without Him holding your hand.

[dpfrichard]

I do get depressed and suicidal now and then but I no longer talk about it to my family or friends due to the reaction I got from them about it. Given that I have kids and thus responsibility, no matter how suicidal I get, and I do get really suicidal at times, I will not do it until they are out of the house and on their own.

Having said that, I do have a 15 yr term life insurance that I intend to have a payout on before the term is up since my kids will be out of the house for at least a year and I really don't want to be here anymore. Just make it look like an accident -- say fishing from a boat in the mountains while half of the lake is still covered in ice and flip the boat over in deeper water.

P.S. I do function while depressed and suicidal. I play and laugh with the kids, get my work done, etc..., but that is just a facade that I project.

[Sophie ♥]

I've kind of been avoiding Restlessfox topics... I feel bad that it's someone so many people know and miss and I didn't know him at all and it bothers me. But... I'm sad about what happened nonetheless.

...uh...

I get depressed/suicidal quite a bit. Most of those feelings are related to my thoughts of inadequacy at being a girl, but being on DD really does give little confidence boosters. I mean, I don't think I could ever kill myself. But I'm sure a lot of people think that...

*sigh*

I can't really type more. This is too touchy and I'm out of my element.

-Sophie

[TDL]

All my support goes to everyone who is thinking of committing suicide. Don't! It's really not worth it. God didn't put you on earth for you to get back to him! I don't speak from experience though, since I've never even thought of suicide (Okay, I did think of doing it when I was a teenager, but that's my dad's fault, not mine). However, I do agree that DD does give a confident boost every time you log on and find someone that's a bit like you. Friends are very important while being depressed, and they are usually the ones who helps you out of depression/suicidal thoughts. Again, suicide is NOT a good option, it's only a quick fix.

[PArms]

Just make it look like an accident -- say fishing from a boat in the mountains while half of the lake is still covered in ice and flip the boat over in deeper water.

Part of the reason that I've never harmed myself physically is because I'm too yellow. I have thought about faking my own death so that I could live without the worries of others and my own standards. Coincidentally, my plans involved a drowning accident, too.

[baby vinny]

well i was first told i had depression around the age of 10, then when i turned 18 it was upgraded to bypolar. i have alot of trouble with the ups and downs of bipolar. bipolar is one of the most extreme forms of depression, since it can swing from minute to minute. i have started calling my highs and lows cycles. so if i say i am cycling my familly will check on me daily. i fianally have decided that i will have to be medicated for the forseeable future. i have found that the ab side of me is very strong and that i want to be close to others when i get really down.

i do thank you for creating this forum

[PrincessDragonette]

I've been suicidal and depressed for 12 years now, maybe a little longer. I've considered meds, I've done the research and when they're prescribed properly, they do help. I choose not to because somehow I'm still able to put a foot in front of the other without them, I made a pact with my therapist that we'd try meds before I did anything drastic.

The one thing I've learned is that the reasons that most people consider sufficient to continue living don't work for me. I had to find my own reasons for existing, because their reasons made things worse. There is something that will reach through your depression, something that you can love and cling to, only you can find it though, because only you will recognize it when you do. When you find it, hold onto that as hard as you can, and use the momentary relief provided by it to find another thing to love. And another. Before you know it, you're standing on an island of things you love instead of drifting in an ocean of depression.

This is only my experience, and it seems to have helped because my depression has lessened a lot in severity. When I'm so bad off that I no longer love the entire island, there is usually at least one item to keep me afloat. And then I start the cycle over again. Even if you can't love something... distract yourself with it. Force yourself to try it, if it doesn't work drop it and try something else. Sometimes the act of looking for something to distract myself is enough to distract myself.

Beyond that, I don't really know what to say. Maybe a disclaimer: I am not a therapist, nor do I play one on TV. I won't pretend to say that this would help everyone, but it has helped me so I offer it as a slim possibility. There is a book with an interesting twist on what I've just described, including lists of things to try as possible things to love: "Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks and Other Outlaws" by Kate Bornstein. This isn't for the light-hearted or to overtly "normal" crowd, but if some of your depression stems from being an outcast (like mine) it's worth a read.

[Bettypooh]

....The one thing I've learned is that the reasons that most people consider sufficient to continue living don't work for me. I had to find my own reasons for existing, because their reasons made things worse. There is something that will reach through your depression, something that you can love and cling to, only you can find it though, because only you will recognize it when you do. When you find it, hold onto that as hard as you can, and use the momentary relief provided by it to find another thing to love. And another. Before you know it, you're standing on an island of things you love instead of drifting in an ocean of depression....

The thing that pulled me back to ground level from my abyss was my sisters and my Mom. The love between us all is of immeasurable strength What was so strange to me as I got better was that I knew my family loves me that deeply- yet the thought of what my suicide would do to them never crossed my mind when I was so close to it! I never even called one of them for help- I called a somewhat distant friend instead. I was and am and always will be deeply ashamed of myself for that They understood and they carried me when I couldn't carry myself- WE got through it, not me. The pain I would cause them is why I don't go there anymore. The problem is that I am the youngest, and likely to outlive them- what then? It terrifies me. That's still a long time away. I dunno. I have the support network I need till then- whenever I need help it's there. I'd add that to your suggestions, having loving people helping you makes it all a whole lot easier

And "me too" on the lack of having 'the usual reasons' to go on. The only person who really depended on me is dead and gone, I have no ambitions to rule the world or get filthy rich, and I have nothing much to give to anyone anymore- even my thoughts are stagnant. My career is stagnant too, with almost no hope for anything better. My back could let go and land me in a wheelchair anytime- and that's the diagnosis of several docs and specialists who say it's just a question of when, not if, it will happen. I owe more money than I can ever repay so I'm essentially broke forever. So why do I go on? He!!, I don't know, I just do. The one thing which could save me is the lottery Just one 5 number hit and life becomes OK again The $4 a week I spend there can't make a dent in my debt so it's not a waste. I have to keep thinking that sooner or later God will screw up and let me win- he's not been any help up to this point and I'm tired of asking to see why I should go on. There really isn't much point in life for me- I'm just here and will remain until it's time to go. If that time is of my choosing I will at least say goodbye here- y'all have earned that

Bettypooh

[Dougie]

I finally told my dad yesterday just how close I was last fall to ending things. If it wasn't for my close friends and my dogs I wouldn't have pulled through it. Things are not perfect, but are getting better in many ways.

[curiositykilledthecat]

Hmm...I never been really suicidal as much as I have been like, "hey, I hope a gigantic meteor hits the earth today" I could never justify suicide. I always believed that it was cheating and cowardly, I didn't want to give those who pushed me to that point any validation. Things slowly changed for me when I found Jesus(cliched, I know, deal with it). My depression was still there and my anger was still there, however, I discovered a means through it. I look at my coming to Jesus moment as a benefit to those around me and not just myself. I look back now and see some things that indicated that my life could have taken a much darker turn ad the course events played out differently. Depression sucks and people can suck, suicide is never the answer though. I have to thank the good Lord that I have him to turn to in distress as I never had a friend I could confide in or a family member. I've always stood alone, it just seems my fate and if it is so be it, I'll do the best I can for as long as I can. I have too many people relying on me for support, I have to keep going.

As for being an outcast, been that day since day one. I'm too holy for the sinners, too much a sinner for the saints, not nerdy enough, too nerdy, too weak, too smart, too weird, too apathetic, too compassionate. I just roll with the punches at this stage in the game, I can either roll with the punches or get knocked down. I figure if i can keep dodging, eventually I can strike back.

[drynot]

I battled depression for years. I was always upset and I really didn't know why. I took medication for it and nothing seemed to help. Then I discovered that I had low testosterone levels and I now take medication for that.

Let me tell you, it is like night and day....I feel so much better and much happier. I have energy and try to put a positive spin whenever something negative happens.

I recommend any male who is over 30 and feels depressed to have his testosterone levels checked. Its a simple blood test and it could help.

[Bettypooh]

I battled depression for years. I was always upset and I really didn't know why. I took medication for it and nothing seemed to help. Then I discovered that I had low testosterone levels and I now take medication for that.

Let me tell you, it is like night and day....I feel so much better and much happier. I have energy and try to put a positive spin whenever something negative happens.

I recommend any male who is over 30 and feels depressed to have his testosterone levels checked. Its a simple blood test and it could help.

You're onto something but there's another side to it One of the roots of my depression was an anger management problem Coupled with my gender dysphoria it's no wonder I was depressed. I'd been taking moderate doses of estrogen and a standard dose of testosterone blocker and prior to my bottoming out and I'd never felt better about myself and life When the diagnosis of CD happened I was ordered off the HRT by my therapist. My reaction was to say "NO!" quite loudly in her peaceful little office. We studied each other silently for a bit, then she said that she understood my need but that until my depression meds which she was going to put me on were stabilized, I didn't need anything making me more emotional Taking it all in I began crying. I told her that I simply couldn't go on as a male and that if my testosterone levels returned I was likely to be even more suicidal She thought it over and said that I could and should go back on HRT, but that I really needed to get stabilized first and she didn't know how long that would take I said "Ill give you a month"- she countered with "3 months". I said "2 months and by then either I'm going to go through with it (suicide) or I'm going to be cured" Seeing that I wasn't budging she said "We will try 2 months. But I'm warning you, this may take longer. It's obvious that you're having problems with being male; and it's probably the testosterone. As soon as we can I'm putting you back on the T-blockers- the estrogen can come later. Otherwise I think my work with you would be wasted. You obviously aren't a guy so you don't need testosterone any more than I do!" Thus began the depth of understanding that exists between her and I, and the changing of my life path from a dead end to wherever I am now

So while it works for you, please remember that some of us are better off without testosterone ripping us apart inside Just another bit of proof that CD has it's roots in the physical realm too

Bettypooh

[curiositykilledthecat]

I've been on testosterone treatments for years and depression can also be a side effect of the treatment. Heck I found out i'll be unemployed again come friday and while listening to pandora in the lunch room, 'illusion' by VNV nation came on. I almost lost all composure. It used to be easier for me to hold things in when I was younger. Aging sucks

[curiositykilledthecat]

okay, new sensation, I can actually feel my nerves going raw. This will pass soon enough

[PrincessDragonette]

I've been on testosterone treatments for years and depression can also be a side effect of the treatment. Heck I found out i'll be unemployed again come friday and while listening to pandora in the lunch room, 'illusion' by VNV nation came on. I almost lost all composure. It used to be easier for me to hold things in when I was younger. Aging sucks

That is a very powerful song, I cry pretty much everytime I hear it. Yet somehow, it's one of my favorite songs...

[curiositykilledthecat]

yeah it is a powerful song, I've heard it before and today it was just a bit much