So, Help. If You Can. It'S Mostly Guilt.

[Sabbie]

hi there! i'm sabrina. i've been an ab/dl for ages and ages. i'm a 22 year old female in florida, and i live with my boyfriend of almost 2 years. my last boyfriend, i talked to about the ageplay-ness, and he accepted it and was awesome. we ended on different terms.. early in this relationship, i told my current boyfriend and he has been great about it. however my issue is: guilt.

i absolutely love anytime we get to play, or i get to dress up, etc.. but usually at some point in the play, or the morning i wake up.. i get hit by a surge of guilt. feeling bad for pulling him into this, or feeling ashamed about it all. he always tries to reassure me that it's okay, and that he accepts it.. but, i don't know. this is a different lifestyle and it's got to be hard on the other person, you know? usually i won't bring up anything about it unless he starts it. he will usually do small things like.. when cooking dinner, he will ask if i want my drink in a bottle.. or when i get out of the bath, if i want a diaper or not. i really want to start being less shy and guilty about it.. when he gets me changed and all, i usually hide my head under blankets. sometimes i want to ask to wear a pullup to the parks (disney world!) but i'm far too nervous/guilty feeling.

is there anyone else who has this issue, and what do you do mentally to help with this? i know this is broad and all.. i just, any support would be great.

lastly, sorry for the all lowercase.. i work at walt disney world in entertainment and just got off work and my hands are KILLING ME. also, if you ever come to the parks, let me know! i'm "friends" with pluto, eeyore, buzz, etc and would love to meet you! also let me know if you need to get in. i can always help friends.

[square_duck]

Hi Sabbie!

welcome and yours is not a new item, many people here (including me) have had to work through this in order to find some peace. Personally, I think a lot of this 'guilt" comes from inside and you not feeling completely comfortable with yourself and your desires. You probaly also go though "binge and purge" cycles because of this.

Over all, most of us have come to the conclusion that a big part of dealing with guilt /shame is simply accepting that this is part of who you are, and that it isn't a crime. It's an internal desire (caused by who knows what) and the hardest part is accepting it as part of you, and accepting yourself for having these desires. Again, it's not a crime, it doesn't hurt anyone and as you know, it can be a lot of fun!

You also have to know that, this is something that will NOT leave you alone. you can't just decide to drop it and walk away, as it will come back. So, acceptance is the key, and management of how and when you play helps a lot.

It's OK to be you, and it sounds like you have an AWESOME boyfriend who is willing to take care of you and indulge you as a daddy type, so why not explore it and see where it goes???

You just really have to accept this part of you and let it go and not worry about it.

Hope this helps!

qwack

[Sabbie]

.....

Hope this helps!

qwack

Thank you for your reply.. I did research on the binge and purge cycle a bit back, and I'm sure that's what it is somewhat. I try and make a happy medium.. I came up with a thing where I pick a day out of the week when I want to play and he picks a day he is okay with.. and that's how I limit myself. Mostly because I don't want to push it too much. I never thought I would be accepted by both guys I've dated, as well as my mom (I told her one day when I was drugged in the hospital with a ulcer), so that part alone makes me just shocked mentally where I'm like, is this all even for real?

I really appreciate your response, and even while words are just typed in seconds, they do mean a lot when you're in a position like this. And when I really don't have any other ab/dl friends besides one in Atlanta.. having someone speak to you is a blessing.

Thanks again.

[loopy]

Hey hey, welcome .

I think the guilt comes from him being so accepting and loving of this side of yours, tradionally something we hard and are scared to show. I think you should just except it, and make sure you do something special for him that would make him feel guilty every now and then .

[BriGuy]

I am sure that you may get a few responses that say, "You have no reason to feel guilty, etc, etc..." That being said, you have no reason to feel guilty! But that sentence wont make any sense until you get the the crux of your feeling for guilt. I too was wracked with guilt for this side of me and it took quite a while for me to get over it. Still to this day I struggle every so often with guilt and shame over my AB side but it is much less intense.

First, welcome to our community. You'll find that when you associate with others of similar interest you'll find that you feel less odd about your own feelings/desires. We are all here to support each other and I am happy to see another person has joined our "troops."

Second, the guilt... I can only share how I began to feel less guilty about wearing diapers, using them, and wanting to act like a baby. For me a lot of the guilt I had came from feeling like I was a lone freak with these feelings. I had a hard time grappling with the fact that I liked wearing diapers. It made no sense to me, and I was afraid to talk to anyone about it. DPF was the first place I found that helped me realize that I am just a small pin point of a much larger community. That started the road to me beginning to feel better about myself. The next big step I had was sharing it with my Significant other. It was very hard for me, but fortunately she was very supportive. It sounds like your boyfriend is a godsend in that arena. It is good to hear you have a supportive spouse. Then I started to feel guilty for partaking in these activities with my S/O. This followed me for quite a while and I couldn't understand why. I would enjoy the feeling of the role play, the diapers, etc and then after feel horrible guilt. For me the guilt was part of a bigger issue as I felt guilty for almost everything I did. In my household guilt was used as a form of reprimand, so If I did something wrong my father would make me feel guilty for doing it. Regardless if it was an honest mistake or not. So naturally since I felt like I was wrong for my ab side I felt guilty....

Then came the ultimate realization..... There is absolutely nothing wrong for being an ab.... It doesn't hurt those around me, it doesn't affect my physical health adversely, (aside from occasional diaper rash.) It isn't something that leads to chemical dependency... etc. The reason why I felt like it was wrong was because it goes against the grain of what is the social norm... It wasn't until I realized that the social norm is just a construct designed to make everyone who believes in it inadequate did I finally feel relief from the guilt.

Like anything time is the best way to heal and grow. If you tell yourself what you did is wrong naturally you'll feel guilt for what you did. However; if you look at it from the stand point that this is part of who you are and partaking in ab activity just a natural extension of yourself then you may find that the guilt fades. I could use a snow flake analogy but its over played... True beauty is found through the idiosyncrasies and abnormalities in each individual...

Normality is over rated and I am thankful for all of those in this community who have shown me that; 1. I am not alone, and 2. I am not the biggest freak out there!

I hope you can make some sense of all that rambling, I am in the midst of finals at my university so my brain is fried so I may not be stringing sentences together very well. Ta-ta for now.

~Brian

[Sabbie]

...

I hope you can make some sense of all that rambling, I am in the midst of finals at my university so my brain is fried so I may not be stringing sentences together very well. Ta-ta for now.

~Brian

Thank you or your reply when you should be studying!

I am completely with the after you play, feeling guilty. Like I sit there and look at my boyfriend and think how thankful I am.. but they say, mentally, is this really right? I know I am not hurting anyone, and this is one of the safest type of fetishes out there.. and I'm not gonna lie (though trying not to be egotistical), I'm a very pretty girl that doesn't look bad at all in a diaper and a night gown.. But I always worry, deep down, if he only does this to make me happy and it bothers him? I guess it's about trust.. and whatnot. Blah. This is where my thoughts go insane and I just go into my "purge" effect. Though if I try to push it away, and hide it.. after a few weeks, it comes back like a craving.

I did like your quote: Like anything time is the best way to heal and grow. If you tell yourself what you did is wrong naturally you'll feel guilt for what you did. However; if you look at it from the stand point that this is part of who you are and partaking in ab activity just a natural extension of yourself then you may find that the guilt fades. I could use a snow flake analogy but its over played... True beauty is found through the idiosyncrasies and abnormalities in each individual...

This is just me. And it's how I've been since I was a kid. It's not going to change and I've just been blessed to be with someone who is supportive of me. Someone who will take me to Babies R us and pull me to look around. Someone who will put a diaper on me and cuddle with me after. I mean, this is true love for someone to do this.. I guess what the post above you is even more correct.. to show my thankfulness to him as best as I can.

Funny enough, I never feel guilty when I do it alone or when I was single and just took care of myself.. but as soon as another person's feelings got involved, I struggled and worried. I care too much.

It's push and shove, and finding a medium. And I just have to learn to accept it and live with it.

I guess it just takes time.

Thank you again. Visit me at Disney sometime, too. It's on the house.

[sarah_ab]

If your boyfriend is the one who is instigating it then you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. He clearly is gaining some pleasure out of it, or her would not ask you at all.

You've found a great guy it sounds like, who enjoys participating in things that you enjoy.

Perhaps though, to help with the guilt you could find out if there are any scenarios he is into and participate in those with him to.. Then you are both sharing more with each other.

[~Skitty~]

i was in disney world last week!

[Vic]

It sounds to me that you've truly found what so many of us crave, another person who understands and accepts us as we are. This is unconditional love, and it is so very hard to find.

Accept what you have, and remember to love him back as much as you can. The world can be a hard place, but if you have that love with you it can be a strength for both of you to draw from to get you through any problem.

Remember to do fun things for him too, and let him know how special he is to you.

I once had a love such as yours, but I felt too guilty about allowing her to do those things that I wanted. I felt as if I didn't deserve to be loved this way, and I screwed things up, and we wound up divorced. The thing was that we never stopped loving each other, and ten years after we divorced we found each other again.

Unfortunately for both of us things conspired to seperate us again, but sure enough, ten years later we are together again, and this time we want to keep the bond between us solid. This means that I have to give up negative emotions such as guilt and shame, and allow myself to be truly loved.

That's what has been happening for us, and it's been a wonderful experience. Don't let thoughts of guilt or shame waste any of the valuable time you have with this wonderful man. Learn from my experience and let go of negative thinking, liberate your mind so you can love him unconditionally, as he does you.

You are at the beginning of a wonderful adventure, enjoy it!

Peace,

Vic

[Snugglebug]

I remember speaking to a fairly experienced AB a number of years back. He told me that, in revealing his AB side to his previous girlfriends, he could gauge their response on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being hostile towards everything AB and 10 being accepting to the point of fully participating. From his experiences, and that of others, he reasoned that 3 of 10 people would be negative about it, 4 would be indifferent (not their cup of tea, but willing to let the other do his/her thing), and 3 would actually react positively. That means that if everything else in the relationship is going well, the AB lifestyle is 70% likely not cause any serious issues. My own experiences since that conversation seem to bear this out.

More relevant to this conversation, he told me that his current girlfriend of the time, although she didn't wear diapers or such, was absolutely delighted by the changes in his personality when he accessed his AB side. It's pretty clear that your current boyfriend really wants to see you happy. It may very well be that, while he is not an AB himself, he may actually enjoy YOU as an AB. Just something to think on (and maybe even talk with him about).

[lasardas]

first off, congrats, wish i had found a girl like you myself.

second off, my gf isnt into all this either, but she is willing to play along on occasion. Reason i mention this, she actually does seem to enjoy reading over the forums with me. seeing that there really are other people into this sort of stuff, and lets all face it, we have some unintentionally funny posts sometimes.

third off, and most importantly, i know its already been said, but do something for him that he likes that he'll appreciate enough to have a slight guilt. if theres nothing really in particular hes into, the internet has everything and anything out there for anyone. hopefully this is helpful a bit, and congrats again you lucky baby you.

[Honu]

Sabbie,

Already a lot of good advice has been offered. Find what helps you accomplish your goals and enjoy the acceptance that is so valuable in this community.

My wife is going to send you a private message, but basically we are a happily married couple in this lifestyle and WDW FL APs! We're definately coming on April 5 and would enjoy seeing you. We have a slightly late lunch scheduled at Cinderella's but otherwise are free to meet you at any park. I ran the Disney Marathon this past January (burr!), am registered for the Disneyland 1/2 Marathon in September and registered for the Goofy Challenge in January 2011. Yes, we are a very Disney house and my wife is more Disney crazy than I am!

We're from the opposite direction from WDW - Tampa. Disney is a great place for Floridians to meet and enjoy what is local for us.

Warm Regards,

Honu and BabyMaggie

[dprtodd]

A big part for me getting past the isolation was realizing that I wasn't the only person to feel that way - then as time went along I just became more at peace and learned to embrace and enjoy that part of me. Once I realized that I had been like this all of my life (I never wanted out of diapers as a child) I was okay with it. Our particular kink hurts no one, and while it is strange, who's to say there is no room for anything exotic in our lives? Conformity be damned

As far as your boyfriend goes, enjoy the fact that he is willing to meet you halfway! That is awsome and I have so much envy for you - I have never had such luck with a GF. Just be sweet to him and figure out what his thing is and do that for him some too

Hopin to get to Disney later this year - who knows might get to say hi!

[turtlepins]

Our culture thrives on guilt, sweetie. I like the immortal words of Dr. Seuss: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." Never be ashamed of who you are, or feel guilty for enjoying yourself that way.

[tris]

You can take the Catholic outta the guilt, but you can't take the guilt out of a Catholic! Its not a religion, its a curse!

[dl_ashlee]

Sounds like you are having troubles accepting "yourself," and that is certainly one of the hardest things to do. I certainly sometimes still feel guilty about it, but most the time now I just accept that it is part of who I am.

So until you accept that it is part of you, you certainly will feel guilty, so you have to find some way of accepting you for being you. Also remember he likes you for being you, from what I read he doesn't sound like he wants you not to be yourself, so it sounds to me like you are having troubles accepting this part of you. So try to find ways to accept you and the guilt should be lifted.

[sanfranciscodave]

it sounds like he's totally accepting of it, and even encouraging - he ASKS if you want a diaper, or a bottle.

i agree that you should ask if there's something you can do for him, too. if you can indulge some fetish of his that you're not really that into, then maybe you'll feel like you're being more "fair" to him.

[turtlepins]

You can take the Catholic outta the guilt, but you can't take the guilt out of a Catholic! Its not a religion, its a curse!

You can add Lutherans, Anglicans, and other legalistic religions to that list. That's really sad, though. God meant for us to love life itself, to see every day as a blessing. So much missed because of guilt.

[mogumbo]

Somewhere along the line our spirituality got hijacked by religion and almost nothing good has come of it since. Call me a cynic if you must.

[ryan87]

I think your reaction is normal, I mean even if he says he's okay with it, you don't want to make it awkward or anything for him and you're worried that it might. I'd say just do your thing once in a while when he seems to be approving of it, and remember that he thinks it's okay, and you're not doing it very often to make things weird. If you wore diapers around him 24/7 and played with your toys or whatever you are into then he might not like that, but I'd think that you should feel comfortable just once in a while

[babykeiff]

Sabbie,

This 'Binge -Purge Cycle', 'Guilt-Trips', 'Emotional Roller-coaster' or whatever terminology you choose to use, it all comes down to a trained response to a set of circumstances. The older we get, the more we doubt our own happiness and question ourselves 'should we be happy', 'should we be enjoying this', 'is it right that I am doing this', 'is this sane', and the question will always come to 'what will other people think'.

First things first, you should always try to get the best out of every situation - that is human nature. If not, you are wasting your time and energy. Many people will take what they should be enjoying, over analyze it, look for the faults and find them, and then not enjoy the situation.

Others have stated the benefits of this 'fetish', so I need not repeat it. You have to take the participation of this as you would at age 1 or 2. A baby didn't question why... all it did was tried to sate its own needs, but in doing so, it gave immense joy to its parents. If you ever see a baby and its mother together, most of the time, the mother is enjoying taking care of the baby. Your partner, likewise, is enjoying taking care of you, so why should you deny him that enjoyment.

The other point you made is that you are denying yourself in wanting to wear a pull-up etc, and the reason is the guilt. The guilt is created by you, cause you are afraid that you might enjoy it. Try it, you actually may not like it, and if that the case, it should cause you be happy (sarcasm). Actually, you will enjoy the freedom, as long as you accept the freedom completely.

A diaper/pull-up is just an undergarment. It is a little more effective than your normal underwear, but it does exactly the same job. Underwear was designed for hygiene reasons, to avoid people sitting bare bottomed on the same place as others sat, and originally came from France. It is normal, for the average adult to also weep urine, and also sweat from their anal cavity. A diaper, as stated, is more effective, yet does the same job as underwear.

Considering the last paragraph, why should one feel guilty for wearing a diaper. Should you feel the exact same guilt for wearing underwear, and the only way to be guilt free is to not wear any undergarments?

The guilt will go away, but like all emotions, the only reason for it is to protect you, to make you stronger and eventually, be conquered.

[Sabbie]

I'm sorry for the delay in replying to anything.. I was in Orlando since early Friday, working and playing.

I appreciate all the replies. I'm going to read through them and reply with any thoughts or questions.

You guys rock!

[Sabbie]

Sabbie,

Already a lot of good advice has been offered. Find what helps you accomplish your goals and enjoy the acceptance that is so valuable in this community.

...

I'm actually working Magic Kingdom on the 5th! When I get the message, I'll send you a reply with where I'll be and what times. I think my sets end at 4PM, so I'll be free after! Can at least score you a ton of fastpasses.

I'm an addict for Disney. I know way too much, and I'm blessed that even though I work there (seasonally), it has not ruined the magic! I do, however, typically not go during summer/busy seasons. I don't do massive crowds well (I won't wait more than 20 minutes for a ride, and I don't like teenagers who think they're the world.. I'm lame, I know) -- but I'll always go if invited by a friend! So tell me anytime! It takes me about 2 hours to get there (parked and all).

[Sabbie]

Sabbie,

The guilt will go away, but like all emotions, the only reason for it is to protect you, to make you stronger and eventually, be conquered.

....

Thank you for your reply. I'm very thankful for his understanding, and I always try to prove that to him.

The guilt is less in wearing them.. I have since I was a young teen. I had no issues going to the store and buying some. Or drinking from bottles. I have lived on my own since I was 18, so it was no issue. I've wore diapers out - to Disney, included. I have no guilt when I do it by myself.. but when it comes to the fascination that I actually have someone to share it with.. It triggers in me. I do not want to lose this. Nor do I want to lose him. I love him. If he told me to stop, I would. But he doesn't.

This is sane, and right. And I'm human and allowed to. But that is me, and my boyfriend is a whole 'nother world.. I guess I need to learn to trust him 100% that he does not mind. I just fear over-doing it. Or maybe doing something that he doesn't like, but he will do for the sake of me.. and secretly feel awkward about. Blah. See, my mind runs in circles and this is where I get lost. Mind you, I do communicate with him about this and all, and he reassures me..

Blah, the best question: for those who have told significant others about their desires, and they have been accepting of it -- how did it effect you? Did you worry? How do you come to a comfortable place where it's enough to meet your needs but fair where it's not over-doing it? Just.. general help.

I really appreciate all the help.

[sarah_ab]

ohhh i love disney world too... we just set out dates for next years trip.. we are gonna be there for valentines day next year... the past two years we were there for my birthday, and three years ago for daddy's birthday.. and in 40 days we are going to disneyland for two nights and three days... i've never been to disneyland before.. just world.. so its gonna be a great graduation gift to myself!!!!