Ab/Dl Parents With Ab/Dl Kids

[steal_viper]

It may be a far reach here, but are there any AB/DL parents out there who raised kinds who turned out to be AB/DLs themselves? I plan on becoming a dad in the next few years; I don't think I would even let my kids know about this side of me, but I wouldn't be opposed if they turned out to like diapers themselves.

[acemanner]

Really , I don't see a good way you could raise your kids AB/DL without being shunned by the community. For alot of us , the diapers are somethign kept in the bedroom. And showing kids this fetish just sounds like your bringing the kids "into the bedroom".

Even if its not as serious as I make it sound. I just dont think brining your kids into your fetish is a good idea. You could show them what it is and what its about , but I woudn't go past that. Not to encourage it in one form or another. Theres those out their with more expierence in this them me so I'll let them continue this.

[toddmdl]

I don't know I've been off and on about this subject for awhile just because my toddler years were a significant reason why I am the way I am today. I believe I was taken out of diapers too early even though I was a late trainer and I've come to the conclusion the only way to really be moderate is to take a kid out of diapers when he/she is truly ready.

[Angela Bauer]

This is a topic we discuss on DD fairly often. That is a good thing because so many new members join. Of course this also means when I answer I will be repeating myself.

Both my younger sister Missy and myself are happily married successful mature women. Like my Granny, Mom and Aunt Betsy, we are profoundly urinary incontinent. During her pregnancy Missy discovered how well AB play works as a coping strategy. When my constant diapers depressed me she told me about AB. Shortly after that we discussed AB with our Mom, who said until then she had never known about AB.

Today Missy's daughter is 19 and in her second year of pre-med. She reverted to bedwetting at puberty but still has reasonable day control.

Once you become parents many theories you had up to then will be disproved. Your own kids will be very curious and very good at guessing secrets. If you are successful at hiding your own ABDL from your kids, you will set a record. Had you made a big deal about a secret, once it leaks there are consequences. It is the same about incontinence. Sure, strangers probably will not discover you wear diapers and if they do, so what? People living with you will discover your diapers sooner or later. Missy and I were taught to be discreet about diapers, so as to avoid upsetting others, but to also not make diapers a top secret.

By the time Missy's daughter was 13 months Missy decided to not keep her own adult diaper supply hidden at home. If her daughter saw Missy with a pacifier, it was not a major deal. By the time the girl reached puberty she would often say she thought adults playing baby were "Silly" but the important thing was she would honestly communicate with her mother.

This sort of approach is hardly the same as bringing the girl into Missy's bedroom nor a way of turning her into an AB. Missy herself was almost 21 when she discovered the benefits of AB without the help of our Mom or Granny. I was 26 when Missy told me about AB. We have a younger male first cousin who was still needing night diapers at age 9. He was 20 when he sent me a snail letter saying he had read my "Baby Angel" column in DPF Newsletter in 1993. We had never discussed ABDL with him, but obviously since he had joined DPF he was dedicated to ABDL. He is one of those DD members who rarely posts. His wife knows about his bladder problems and his use of ABDL to cope. They do not have any children so that is not an issue.

[Junibug 4 Lucy]

i don't think our son will ever be ready!

but i have to say if he saw us wearing he would want to stay in pullups.....not good for him as he is sensitive to them and gets rash easily!

i do, however, think that if it was a medical condition he would be fine with that and i do think he would understand....but to see us dipping in and out... i think he'd want to do the same

if he decided he would like to when he's older than that's fine, i'm happy with whatever he wants....mind you i'm not sue i'd like him coming on the same site and reading about what his mummy and daddy get up to!!!....doubt he'd like that either!

xxxx

[Aleia]

I think parents should aim to keep their ABDL business a complete secret from their kids. Nothing good can come of children knowing about the unusual things their parents do in the bedroom. Can you imagine an ordinary kid learning that his dad likes to suck on pacifiers, and that he REALLY likes it when Mommy diapers him, dresses him in baby clothes and bottle-feeds him? Just the mental image could scar a kid of any age for life.

It's one thing if the kids coincidentally become ABDLs themselves, but parents should never, ever, ever impose this part of their lifestyle on their children in any way.

It goes the other way around, too: your parents don't need to know this little fact about you.

[Rawr]

I agree with the majority of other posters - I wouldn't recommend sharing it with your kids, any more than I'd suggest you also show them your porn mags and any sex toys that your wife has! Even if you wait until your kid is an adult, I don't think it's something they'd deal with very well.

Angela, I think your situation is quite unusual in that you have a lot of incontinence in the family anyway, so diapers probably aren't a 'taboo' subject because of medical necessity. But for the majority of people, I think that a parent's kinks should be kept within the adult/adult relationship, rather than shared amongst parent/child.

But to the OP, if your kid ever came to you of their own volition to discuss their kink, then it's up to you about how much to share with them. But I'd recommend until that point, not to discuss it with them at all, because it's just likely to unsettle them, in my opinion.

[sarah_ab]

I dont think its a matter of exposing your children to you liking wearing diapers, but rather perhaps the open mindedness some parents may have regarding diapers/potty training, as they themselves are more aware...

in which case the child may experiment with wearing diapers longer, or may feel able to experiment with other abdl things later in life, knowing their parents are open and accepting of whatever they chose to enjoy (within limits of course).

you dont have to be ab/dl to be an open and accepting parent, and you dont have to tell your child about your enjoyments for them to want to engage in ab/dl play.

[Vic]

I guess I'll weigh in here,

we have a 12 year old here, he's special needs, but that's beside the point. A few years ago he noticed the top of my diaper when my shirt rode up as I was helping him set up a model train set on the living room floor. He asked me about it and I said that occasionally I needed leakage protection, he said "oh I get it", and nothing has been said about it since.

He's my SO's son and I am the only father he has ever known, and we both are close. For the last three years (a little longer than that, but I'm terrible in remembering exactly when it started) I started wetting the bed again, I thought I'd licked that problem back when I was 12 myself.

So now I wear diapers to bed every night, he knows, and it's no big deal. However he has NEVER known that there is a sexual component of this, and doesn't know that sometimes I wear diapers during the day just because I like to.

There is no need for him to know this, he has never seen me with my paci, or in one of my onesies, or with a bottle. Again, no need for him to. One day if he asks me about it I may sit down with him and explain it to him, because he is becoming mature enough to understand this, but for right now he has no need to know.

I have an AB friend who knows a man who subjects his whole family to his fetish, he eats babyfood while wearing a bib and drinks from a bottle at the dinner table. He openly only wears baby clothes at home, so none of his kids can ever bring their friends home to visit, and I for one think that this is a form of child abuse.

I would NEVER try to raise a child as a ABDL, because this is just the sickest thing I could ever think of to push on a child. Remember how hard it was growing up AB and having this secret life of ours? How hard it is to try to live a double life? Why would anyone want their kids to be like this??

If, however my child came to me and told me that he was ABDL, transgendered, or gay I would do everything I could to be as supportive of him as I could. I'm already doing my best to be supportive of him as it is. Our children deserve to be raised as best as we know how, and no child deserves to be abused as my sibs and I were as we grew up, or as abused as the children of the insensitive prick that forces his AB side off on his whole family are (can you imagine how embarrassed they must feel?).

Buzz has aspergers syndrome, so he has that strike against him, we do our best to give him what he needs to succeed in this life. All parents should give their children all the love and direction they can, and yes that means discipline too, all kids need to know where the limits are.

I'm not talking about corporal punishment, as I don't think spanking does any good, although I find extra chores do a pretty good job, and so does an early bedtime, or no video games or computer time. There are always ways to reach a child and steer them back on the right path.

Talking about what goes on in the bedroom is best kept between me and Shelley, my SO. Really, think about it, would you want to have your Dad or Mom tell you about what they do in there?? Eeeewwwww, yuck!

Peace,

Vic

[dl_ashlee]

It seems the me the poster was more asking if any parents that were ab/dl and some how found out that their kids were also ab/dl.

I think Angela's situation and her family are a bit different being that they have urinary problems. You are the parent, you don't have to explain to them why you have a locked box of things. You keep your computer password protected and of course boundaries are key.

Though parents will usually find out about their kids bedroom habits as they don't get the same privacy rights.

I think it is probably an unlikely situation that without urinary problems both the parents and child will be ab/dl. An interesting question non the less and wonder if anyone has had this happen?

I don't think if I found this out I would be open about my desires to them. I would just say to keep it clean, take them out immediately (to the outside trash) and to make sure that there room doesn't smell from them. If they wanted to buy them with their money that would be fine. I probably would also tell them to keep them private in the bedroom.

[curiositykilledthecat]

I never had the sex talk with my parents and other than the proverbial keep your pants on,l I don't pan on having the talk with my kid either. Unless of course my kid is a nympho then yeah I gotta have that talk. I'm not going to talk fetish or fantasy with my kids though. There is no pleasant way to have that conversation.

[steal_viper]

Thanks dl_ashlee, I really didn't expect this kind of response. Just to clarify I HAVE NO INTENTION OF TELLING MY KIDS ABOUT THIS. I was simply curious if anyone has found out that their kinds were also infantilists... It was more of personal research on the subject. I made a deal with my fiancee, when I told her I was a DL, that this would stay between us and never be made known to our kids. I intend to fully respect that and intend to drastically reduce my usage of diapers(wich is minimal now anyway) when they are born just so they don't find out. I was basically saying that if I found out that my kids were into the AB/DL lifestyle or anything like that that I would fully support them. I was curious if anyone found out that their kids discovered the AB/DL lifestyle on their own.

[dl_ashlee]

I would like to know that myself. It seems very unlikely though, we are certainly a minority even in the fetish scene. I think also it is very much something that becomes part of us from a young age for whatever reason. It is just a guess but and ABDL who has children has a bit different mindset about diapers and so the kids I would think generally would not have an attachment to diapers.

[Junibug 4 Lucy]

i dont think i would mind what my children were in to as long as it was leagal!!....i am pretty open minded and i dont think it would matter,

also i'd hate to think that my child was living a false life just to please me! it would make me feel horrible knowing that they have been unhappy just to make me happy!

xxx

[Aleia]

If I found out my kids were ABDL, first I would wonder where I went wrong! (A lot of people here attribute their fetish to negative childhood experiences, like abuse, punishment or overly aggressive toilet training.)

Unless I saw serious problems (grades slipping, neglected responsibilities, withdrawal from the family, etc.), I'd probably just let it be. I wouldn't actively enable the fetish (e.g. buying diapers for the kid), but I wouldn't disallow it, either. I certainly wouldn't impose my own fetish on him, much less have him participate.

[Guest Saya]

When I was 15 I used to wear my niece's diapers and once my mum walked in my room with me wearing one and she freaked out, and dismissed it alltogether,

When i have kids I truthly not sure how i'd reacte, however after the reaction I would support him/her as much as I can. I think it's important that as parents we try and be supportive regardless how we may feel personally.

[Pollyanna Fleshman]

i feel that it would be really hypocritical to admonish my children from doing this if I do it myself. I raise my children under the consensual living concept, meaning that children and adults all have the same rights. There are no rules, no rewards, and no punishments, as those are tools of manipulation, and not to mention, society has enough laws to follow. Why make it tougher on the children by giving them additional rules on top of the laws already imposed upon us? In our house, there is only compromise and cooperation as a whole. I have two criteria that would determine what my children would be and would not be allowed to do, and it is the same criteria that judges all adults in society. Is it legal? Is it hurting anyone else? If no, then it is a go.

[Pollyanna Fleshman]

I think parents should aim to keep their ABDL business a complete secret from their kids. Nothing good can come of children knowing about the unusual things their parents do in the bedroom. Can you imagine an ordinary kid learning that his dad likes to suck on pacifiers, and that he REALLY likes it when Mommy diapers him, dresses him in baby clothes and bottle-feeds him? Just the mental image could scar a kid of any age for life.

It's one thing if the kids coincidentally become ABDLs themselves, but parents should never, ever, ever impose this part of their lifestyle on their children in any way.

It goes the other way around, too: your parents don't need to know this little fact about you.

Really? Emotional scars? Well, i'm please to say that is not the case with my children, and we are a very open household, not keeping things from one another. Children are only scarred if they are taught that something is bad or if they are burdened down and forced to conform. When children can be themselves, and they know they have a good support system, then no scarring could occur.

My older twins are not potty trained, and they are nine. They did not want to do it when they were tots, so I did not make them. i do not like to make my children do things they are uncomfortable with, even if it is to force them to conform. i always tell my children to be leaders and not followers, and if i'm pressuring them to conform to social norms, then I'm a hypocrite, and that message has no weight. The one twin is showing an interest, and she is starting to train because she no longer wants to wear, but my son? I don't think he ever will.

I raise my children on the Consensual Living concept, and I'm pleased to say that I've never had one power struggle in all my time as a parent. Why? The secret is that I let my children be themselves, and I do not waste a lot of time telling them what to do and what not to do. They do not feel they have to talk back or do drastic things for my husband and I to allow them to be themselves. While the rest of society will have to deal with teens acting out because they are tired of fitting the molds in which their parents have set for them and are tired of dictorial control, we will enjoy peace.

[Pollyanna Fleshman]

I guess I'll weigh in here,

we have a 12 year old here, he's special needs, but that's beside the point. A few years ago he noticed the top of my diaper when my shirt rode up as I was helping him set up a model train set on the living room floor. He asked me about it and I said that occasionally I needed leakage protection, he said "oh I get it", and nothing has been said about it since.

He's my SO's son and I am the only father he has ever known, and we both are close. For the last three years (a little longer than that, but I'm terrible in remembering exactly when it started) I started wetting the bed again, I thought I'd licked that problem back when I was 12 myself.

So now I wear diapers to bed every night, he knows, and it's no big deal. However he has NEVER known that there is a sexual component of this, and doesn't know that sometimes I wear diapers during the day just because I like to.

There is no need for him to know this, he has never seen me with my paci, or in one of my onesies, or with a bottle. Again, no need for him to. One day if he asks me about it I may sit down with him and explain it to him, because he is becoming mature enough to understand this, but for right now he has no need to know.

I have an AB friend who knows a man who subjects his whole family to his fetish, he eats babyfood while wearing a bib and drinks from a bottle at the dinner table. He openly only wears baby clothes at home, so none of his kids can ever bring their friends home to visit, and I for one think that this is a form of child abuse.

I would NEVER try to raise a child as a ABDL, because this is just the sickest thing I could ever think of to push on a child. Remember how hard it was growing up AB and having this secret life of ours? How hard it is to try to live a double life? Why would anyone want their kids to be like this??

If, however my child came to me and told me that he was ABDL, transgendered, or gay I would do everything I could to be as supportive of him as I could. I'm already doing my best to be supportive of him as it is. Our children deserve to be raised as best as we know how, and no child deserves to be abused as my sibs and I were as we grew up, or as abused as the children of the insensitive prick that forces his AB side off on his whole family are (can you imagine how embarrassed they must feel?).

Buzz has aspergers syndrome, so he has that strike against him, we do our best to give him what he needs to succeed in this life. All parents should give their children all the love and direction they can, and yes that means discipline too, all kids need to know where the limits are.

I'm not talking about corporal punishment, as I don't think spanking does any good, although I find extra chores do a pretty good job, and so does an early bedtime, or no video games or computer time. There are always ways to reach a child and steer them back on the right path.

Talking about what goes on in the bedroom is best kept between me and Shelley, my SO. Really, think about it, would you want to have your Dad or Mom tell you about what they do in there?? Eeeewwwww, yuck!

Peace,

Vic

Okay, that man is sick and stupid. He is depriving these children of their childhood. Gosh!

Yeah, my family likes being nude, all generations to be exact. But, we can alter ourselves for company. Geez. It is called respecting others! If someone was uncomfortable with me walking around exposed, I'd wear clothes out of decency because I respect that person. I'd also not FORCE my children to be a certain way, and they can have as many friends over as they want. We just keep our clothes on. It's not that hard to do. Compromise is so important for all parties. Things go so much better that way.

[Pollyanna Fleshman]

i dont think i would mind what my children were in to as long as it was leagal!!....i am pretty open minded and i dont think it would matter,

also i'd hate to think that my child was living a false life just to please me! it would make me feel horrible knowing that they have been unhappy just to make me happy!

xxx

Exactly my point.

[dl_ashlee]

I certainly agree with the letting kids and people be themselves. I know it is my mom upbringing that tells her that if I don't conform to social norms then something bad will happen. She is always worrying what everyone else thinks when people are really to busy to notice much of anything besides what is right in front of them at that moment, which means 99.9% of the time you are not their focus.

[BitterGrey]

If I found out my kids were ABDL, first I would wonder where I went wrong! (A lot of people here attribute their fetish to negative childhood experiences, like abuse, punishment or overly aggressive toilet training.

Negative childhood experiences are a factor for some of us, but probably not all of us. Not all AB/DLs are the same, so it doesn't seem likely that the causes are all the same. If we accept that some of these causes or factors might be genetic, than we shouldn't be surprised by AB/DL children who weren't told that their parents were AB/DLs.

[Brudda Voodu]

Okay, that man is sick and stupid. He is depriving these children of their childhood. Gosh!

Yeah, my family likes being nude, all generations to be exact. But, we can alter ourselves for company. Geez. It is called respecting others! If someone was uncomfortable with me walking around exposed, I'd wear clothes out of decency because I respect that person. I'd also not FORCE my children to be a certain way, and they can have as many friends over as they want. We just keep our clothes on. It's not that hard to do. Compromise is so important for all parties. Things go so much better that way.

Really? Emotional scars? Well, i'm please to say that is not the case with my children, and we are a very open household, not keeping things from one another. Children are only scarred if they are taught that something is bad or if they are burdened down and forced to conform. When children can be themselves, and they know they have a good support system, then no scarring could occur.

My older twins are not potty trained, and they are nine. They did not want to do it when they were tots, so I did not make them. i do not like to make my children do things they are uncomfortable with, even if it is to force them to conform. i always tell my children to be leaders and not followers, and if i'm pressuring them to conform to social norms, then I'm a hypocrite, and that message has no weight. The one twin is showing an interest, and she is starting to train because she no longer wants to wear, but my son? I don't think he ever will.

I raise my children on the Consensual Living concept, and I'm pleased to say that I've never had one power struggle in all my time as a parent. Why? The secret is that I let my children be themselves, and I do not waste a lot of time telling them what to do and what not to do. They do not feel they have to talk back or do drastic things for my husband and I to allow them to be themselves. While the rest of society will have to deal with teens acting out because they are tired of fitting the molds in which their parents have set for them and are tired of dictorial control, we will enjoy peace.

If I had been allowed to do whatever I pleased without repercussion I don't think I would be alive at this moment. Or if I was I'm pretty sure I would be drug addicted and living on the streets. Some people are fine when left to their own devices, others need structure and guidance. What if your teenage child decides unprotected sex is a great idea? Or perhaps alcohol and drug abuse is fun and harmless? what if school is a waste of time? Why would the child ever want to grow up and be an adult who has to get an income and live on their own?

Just because your lifestyle is what makes you and yours comfortable, doesnt mean that your lifestyle and choices are whats right for every family. Frankly I hope your deciding not to toilet train your children at the age of 9 is a joke, because that is severe neglect of a parent. If your children go to school now diapering is an added complication to the child's social life and added complications to school authority (who changes and wipes your child? Do my tax dollars pay for someone to do this because you don't want to?).Raising children does not mean you raise people to be your new best friend. You raise your children to function and succeed as the adults they will become in the culture and society that you are in.

Being an "individual" is obviously important to you, but you still must live your life and play by the rules set out by the society you live in. How is a child supposed to stay out of trouble if they have no respect for authority or law? No matter what you say you must still interact with people who do not share your beliefs on a day to day basis. By not learning some basic boundaries and social etiquette your setting your children up for a difficult adjustment to "real life". If I let my children do as they pleased they would eat nothing but popsicles and ice cream, neglect personal hygiene, destroy my property and my neighbors and do all the things kids will do without some basic ground rules.

[rusty pins]

If I had been allowed to do whatever I pleased without repercussion I don't think I would be alive at this moment. Or if I was I'm pretty sure I would be drug addicted and living on the streets. Some people are fine when left to their own devices, others need structure and guidance. What if your teenage child decides unprotected sex is a great idea? Or perhaps alcohol and drug abuse is fun and harmless? what if school is a waste of time? Why would the child ever want to grow up and be an adult who has to get an income and live on their own?

Just because your lifestyle is what makes you and yours comfortable, doesnt mean that your lifestyle and choices are whats right for every family. Frankly I hope your deciding not to toilet train your children at the age of 9 is a joke, because that is severe neglect of a parent. If your children go to school now diapering is an added complication to the child's social life and added complications to school authority (who changes and wipes your child? Do my tax dollars pay for someone to do this because you don't want to?).Raising children does not mean you raise people to be your new best friend. You raise your children to function and succeed as the adults they will become in the culture and society that you are in.

Being an "individual" is obviously important to you, but you still must live your life and play by the rules set out by the society you live in. How is a child supposed to stay out of trouble if they have no respect for authority or law? No matter what you say you must still interact with people who do not share your beliefs on a day to day basis. By not learning some basic boundaries and social etiquette your setting your children up for a difficult adjustment to "real life". If I let my children do as they pleased they would eat nothing but popsicles and ice cream, neglect personal hygiene, destroy my property and my neighbors and do all the things kids will do without some basic ground rules.

I agree! Kids are too young and inexperienced to know what is in their better interest, therefore parents and teachers have to educate them in the ways of life until they get to the age where they can make their own decisions on how to best live the rest of their lives.

As parents, if we don't teach our kids how to live, earn a living and have an education, where will they be when they get older and out on their own? Parents need to think about a few things themselves such as, "How did I afford the house that I live in? How did I get my job?" By letting your kids decide for themselves if they want to drop out of school or do counter productive things, then parents are not living up to their responsabilities. You may feel that as the parents you can do what you please, but that is not the case. That's why there are child protective services and child welfare orginizations.

Think about this: If you let your child drop out of school and get started on drugs and stuff, what will happen to him? You may say that he will live with you and you will take care of him, but what happens when you die? Maybe he will inherit your home, but if he has no job or job skills, how will he be able to pay the taxes and utilities? On the other hand, if he's into drugs he'll probably overdose long before you die. DO you really love your child if you allow him to do as he pleases?

Now, as far as not toilet training your kid, some people may feel it's the child's choice, but I say no. Again, they are not mature enough to make those decisions for themselves. When they grow up they may decide if they want to wear diapers and not use the toilet, but at age 3 parents need to toilet train their kids and be proper parents with proper diciplin.

[Pollyanna Fleshman]

Wow! Wow! Wow! Consensual living is not raising a directionless child. Consensual Living does not mean that a child just goes and does whatever he wants to. You are really misunderstanding the whole concept. However, I cannot blame you, as it is something that is very unfamiliar to the majority. Consensual Living teaches respect for others. Consensual Living teaches compromise. It does not teach children to be unruly or to be future drug attics or gang bangers. I invite you to read www.consensual-living.com for more understanding of the concept. I know that it is hard for you to wrap your head around, as it is very unique and not characteristic to the average. Just for the heck of it, i'm going to post here an article from the site to explain things better.

Consensual Living

Introduction

The tools developed from the idea of living consensually have been a blessing for my family and me. Coming from different backgrounds, from different regions of the United States, my husband and I decided it was important, for our marriage and future family, to discuss problem solving and parenting beginning before we married in 1993.

We now have two sons and live life joyfully and peacefully in the foothills of North Carolina. It has been, and continues to be, a wonderful journey, loving, laughing, exploring, thinking, dreaming and living through the different phases of our lives.

Speaking and writing for the public does not come easy to me. But I feel the need to share these wonderful tools with you, in hopes that it will enrich your life and, like waves on the ocean, expand endlessly, to touch the lives around you.

I am writing this sitting on the beach watching my sons and husband splash in the warm, salt spray of the ocean. Laughing and enjoying each other at this late hour. I see other families with children, some playing, some walking and talking, and some splashing in the waves. I wonder to myself, what is it like for these families behind closed doors? Do these children have any right to self-determination? I know that the prevalent parenting philosophies, of our time, include some form of punishment or reward. “Experts