soggster

I really appreciate the replies. Something I'm realising as a conundrum is that in order to relax control, I have to exert control to pee, and I'm not sure now whether this is the right approach. So now I reckon I need to practice peeing in a relaxed manner in all poses, ideally without some form of pressure being applied. This is probably psychological and as @liljim57 says, feeling it's okay to go is probably key. Maybe there's hangups from toilet training still lurking, some deep shame or fear. One to unpack... The breath hold technique I've tried briefly, I find it deeply uncomfortable so probably need to keep practicing it until it feels more natural! I've felt that dropping feeling but it's not yet got me to void so I'll keep trying it and see if I can get it to work.

I know the feeling well, it's frustrating that our bodies aren't how we want them to be. I consider this a form of BIID which is why it's so distressing when we aren't where we want to be. It's also difficult when you're trying to lose control but in order to do that you need to exercise control to override the default behaviour of holding on to pee. It's a conundrum I'm not sure on how to solve. The hypnotist presumably helped you uncover any hidden hangups you may have? That can be a common cause too. You're still on your journey though - hang in there. You're in diapers 24/7 and making use of them which is something good!

I've been thinking and trying to understand the muscles involved with wetting, so that I may be able to do the same thing more consciously when away from the lavatory without discomfort that I currently experience. For me, I notice that in order to pee there generally has to be pressure. Pressure is uncomfortable and something I want to abolish. Before being 24/7, if I needed to pee when not full e.g. before a journey, I'd have to "press down" to create pressure in order to pee. What I therefore struggle with is peeing without pressure. I've had success at times, but I've never understood why. I'm trying to bring this to the conscious side of things so I can just pee on demand rather than having to feel an uncomfortable pressure which happens more and more these days. For me there's almost two stages, arming the system, then going. Arming the system feels like a drop (pelvic floor?), as if the urine is lowered to a place ready for voiding. Then the actual voiding is just relaxing. What I can't for the life of me do is to arm the system at will without pressure. I can be relaxing perfectly comfortably, but feel this pressure building up yet be unable to release it until really squeezing. I'm further mystified as I've had a number of wet nights without recollection. I'm absolutely sure this is entirely a mental thing, yet it's super frustrating when I cannot go when awake without having to "push down". Are there methods or visualisations people use to presumably lower the pelvic floor and pee at will rather than based on pressure? I'm suspecting that potty training led to my muscles not being able to relax without pressure which is most frustrating.

When I was maybe 8ish, I wet the bed which was out of the ordinary, but what I recall vividly was the dream attached to it. It was the bathroom of my childhood house, and for some reason everything was black-and-white, like on an old old TV. It cements the idea that diaper training is something like 70% mental.

I did think it would be cool if nappy fluff could have some way of releasing it's contents, e.g. pass a small current though it and the fluff stops being able to hold liquids. It would make disposal much easier even if it would still eventually need to be thrown away. Another one would be fluff that can be flushed away, e.g. you add a chemical and the fluff becomes water soluble and disintegrates - a bit like "jelly bath" which is exactly as it sounds, a powder you add to the bath which turns the water to jelly, then you just add salt and it all becomes a liquid again. Merging this tech with SAP would be wonderfully convenient.

I was reflecting how a lot of adult diapers/nappies are by and large very similar in construction these days. There's lots of difference of course, but we seem to start and end in roughly the same place. If you could reinvent them, with no limits on materials, construction, design etc, what would they look like? I'll start: I was thinking diaper fit could take inspiration from glasses prescriptions - in the form of custom fitted nappies. The manufacturer sends you a template where you seal the tabs onto a numbered grid, and you enter those numbers much like glasses prescriptions. Then when you order packs, you specify the numbers and what you get is specific to you with a bit of wiggle room. Some nappies just won't fit on my frame no matter how I adjust them so this would be an improvement. This would have cost, so I thought about a reusable element that is strong and custom fit, with disposable pads that slot in. Then I thought, why is the outer shell of the diaper the structural part? What if the structural bit was the inner layer/framework, and you then inserted the abdorbant part between the inner frame which secures it to you, and the outer shell. This might make it a more comfortable fit, without sagging and stretching being a concern. That's just me - what would your fantasy adult diaper be?

To add to the great advice above, I also find that if I distract myself from trying to pee it makes it easier to go. Counterintuitive, but focusing too much on it probably reinforces the control you have.

I either wake up in the morning with a full bladder and nappy as dry as I went to sleep (a 3), or I wake up soaked with not much of an idea of what happened (a 9, meaning "sometimes a 10 but occasionally with foggy recollections of either a pee dream or waking"). Being tired leads to a wet night, drinking lots of fluids immediately before falling asleep leads to a wet night, BUT drinking too much too soon that I can't fall asleep leads to a dry night, likewise looking forward to waking up wet keeps me from falling asleep and leading to a dry night...

I can't make heads nor tails of my bed wetting. Most of the time I struggle to start peeing, or have to consciously make effort to get going. Yet there's been a number of times now where I've woken up way more soaked than I remember going to sleep. I managed to max out a BetterDry the other night after going to sleep with it only a bit damp. Presumably I wake up, manage to get going, then fall asleep and not remember it but I really don't know. I could just be peeing in my sleep. My desire to know what is going on so I can accurately understand my bed wetting is probably hindering my progress - I should probably just enjoy waking up wet and not worrying about how it came to be. I just trust that over time with repeated wettings it'll get easier and more regular.

To add to the above great advice, also be prepared for some frustrating dry nights if you focus on it too much. When I wake up wet one night, the excitement the next night for a repeat often means I exclude any chance of it happening. Enjoy the wet nights and don't worry about repeats, if you keep wearing as you have been it'll happen when it happens.

Someone wise once said: The quickest way to go from A to Z is to stay at A. If you do that, you'll find yourself at Z. Becoming conscious of this will almost immediately set you back to being at A again. But over time, it's easier and easier to do.

Huh, woke up soaked today with no recollection of going in the night. The trick is definitely drinking 1.5L immediately before nodding off, and going to bed slightly damp. Going to reinforce this for a good while longer before trying going to bed in a thinner nappy to test if it's "wake and wet" or just wetting based on bladder sensation.

I've heard you can get "holetox" which is a cosmetic injection of Botox into the inner sphincter, used typically to make anal sex easier for people who struggle to relax. Someone doing this could be asked to do it to the outer sphincter which I think would result in 6 months of incontinence that may end up more permanent from reports I've read of a similar procedure. Not a recommendation but food for thought

From what I've read into the above, it sounds like what stops you peeing freely is entirely mental. I know for me it sure is. So yeah, surgery will indeed make you incontinent, but it may not deal with the mental guilt/blocks. You might find the guilt of wearing morphs into guilt about the incontinence itself. You'll just be soggy while feeling it. Surgery is absolutely a valid option but I wouldn't say it's a great way to override mental barriers. If you can work through the guilt and negative feelings, you may find diaper dependency is easier to achieve which means surgery isn't needed. Note that I distinguish between diaper dependency and incontinence as I do believe they are subtly separate things. If you have BIID for incontinence then surgery is probably your only way.

Back with another couple of wet nights this week, albeit not sequentially. I'm convinced that last night involved me waking up, kneeling to pee, then collapsing back into a slumber but I have no recollection of this - the only hint is the distribution of pee. I usually sleep on my back so I wake up with a soaked back and a dry front, but today I found a thick centre of nappy with dry front and backs, which suggests gravity was pointing down at the time of use. I do have a security camera so maybe I need to set that up to point at me when I sleep to work out what exactly does happen at night. What a thrill it would be if the answer was "nothing". Oh well, but at what point can I call myself a bed wetter? I feel like I'm still in "just visiting".

It sounds like we are at similar stages of diaper training. The mental shifts aren't documented anywhere near well enough. I too have recently had the same thoughts about not imagining being out of diapers and wondering why everyone doesn't wear them. The thought of going without is actually scary, I'm sure I'd find a way to hold it but what if I couldn't? Do people just walk around in discomfort all the time? In the supermarket, some people would need to go to the disgusting toilets at the front of the store, whereas I can just pee in the middle of the aisle and... nothing happens. It's right. I'm complete. Really pleased to hear of your progress - thanks for taking the time to write it out.

Sorry you're feeling run down - I think it's to be expected after a load of excitement moving house as well as the slightly scarier excitement of extreme weather. Sounds to me like a week or three of just going with the proverbial flow is what you need. You'll get your spark back!

I miss how good the old M4s were. My experience of the new ones is that they're just a polite request for pee not to immediately seep through them. They're better than a sieve but leave all clothing underneath them slightly damp and smelling of pee.

I keep in-service packs in my wardrobe as three stacks: one for regular-day, one for regular-night, then a third stack with luxury/fun diapers. Unopened packs are currently in the wardrobe with lesser used clothes vacuum packed into bags under the bed. I've been thinking about buying sheets of wood to make new shelves in my wardrobe for my actual clothes. Radical.

Alas, after two wet nights the third was destined not to be. I was staying round a friend's last night, so whatever magical balance I had before was off and I work up desperate to pee but completely unable to. I have leaked on his sheets before - and apologised by washing all their sheets 😅 It makes me think that the inability/ability to pee is entirely mental though, which is where I'll put my efforts going forwards

Well that was weird. Not just one but two nights waking up wet, when I went to bed dry. And yet somehow I still sometimes struggle to get started? I'm guessing I must have woken up, made wets, then fallen asleep without remembering it? No idea. All I know is that I woke up wet without consciously wetting.

The consensus seems to be it's easier to learn to wet at night if you have an already-wet diaper on. It's then a case of finding the biting point where you go to bed somewhat wet but not too wet that the next wettings will cause a leak. I'm guilty at going to bed then browsing my phone for an hour or so, by which point it's time for a change, and more intake of fluids lest I fall asleep dry and wake up bursting

Controversial here - but the "new" cloth backed Abena M4s. They weep so much - everything under them gets damp. Left me with clothes smelling of pee, my bed smelling of pee, me always feeling damp. Awful. Same with cloth backed ID slips too now I think of it.

I'm not incontinent yet, I'm still on my journey, but I can already tell you most of my struggles with diapers have been when I've not been able to wear. Years of longing to wear and be who I am. Now I've been wearing 24/7 for a while, and on and off for years, I'm confident that onwards is the way forwards. Even if I do end up regretting incontinence, it will be right to be in diapers.

I lived in a place that had a rubbish chute - something sadly not built here any more - which provided the rare opportunity for a bag of used nappies to reach terminal velocity before unceremoniously exploding into the giant bin below. I have since looked into a macerator so that nappies can be blended to a thin pulp before being directed into the soil stack. It feels very un-environmentally friendly given nappy pulp is essentially plastic from what I gather. But how convenient that would be!