Critiques and Writer's Discussion

Amazing!

I had what I would categorize as "diaper dreams" last night, and they were annoying. I'd guess they were probably part of a subconscious hangover from the "Guest-pocalypse" experience at my buddy's place a few weeks ago. They kept waking me up, though, so that I had the feeling you get when you haven't slept, although in reality, a couple of hours on the clock had passed since I'd last looked at it, so I guess I was drifting off and on.  The dream was very basic: I was in bed, I had to pee, and so I started peeing in my diaper, but then, I'd have a thought that I wasn't wearing "the right diaper", or that it was already overused, and I had to stop peeing, and get up and go to the bathroom. Except I can't stop peeing. That's the crux of it - now, overlay this with the probability that everything in the dream was probably occurring, at least at some points, except for the part where I didn't have the right diaper on. Was I dreaming, or was I awake? Was I dreaming of dreaming? I'll have to ask Christopher Nolan, the next time I see him.  At least a couple of times, I was dragged to the dark, windblown surface of the sea of consciousness, by alerts regarding impending diaper doom, only to realize that I was (and am) wearing a Mega Inspire+, and that I was, indeed, passing water, but the sheets were fine. Then, I went back to sleep, or tried to, and then it would happen again, or, I would dream that it was happening, and stir. Sigh.  I blame either the tea I had last night, with that lady from up the street, or a bite of a chocolate cookie, in conjunction with small quantities of beer. The lady from up the street was in my kitchen when I toddled over there from my lair, earlier than usual, as it was only about 6:30 - lately, I've been working until 8 or even 9. That lady - I think I named her Victoria, previously, although that's not her name - never drives over, so I had no idea she was in my kitchen, when I walked in there, wearing what I usually wear to work - a golf shirt, some kind of zip-up sweater, and typically athletic pants, which I view as sacrificial, as I have a dozen pairs, rather than jeans, which is what I wear almost all the time, but prefer not to be laundering constantly, as they cost more, and it changes the fit, temporarily. Since I sit and wee to my heart's content for 10 or more hours, most work days, the sweatpants sometimes see some fire, and nobody sees me from the waist down, anyway, when I'm working from home.  And, of course, I had a big diaper on, a BeDry Night, that I'd been not Being Dry in, all day. So I found myself in a situation similar to the one I'd been in, at Dave & Anne's place, on the weekend: standing in front of someone, fairly obviously wearing a nappy, but that person knows I wear them, so while it takes a bit of getting used to, it wasn't a fight or flight situation. Plus my wife, who didn't even blink. It was my wife who offered to make me tea, so evidently, she didn't want me gone, or she would have said, "Can you take the dog out quickly?", or something like that, which would have acted as a rung bell on the situation, and given me traction to flit away, and come back wearing, you know, adulting pants. I shouldn't have had the tea, or the cookie that accompanied it, because I think that's what kept me awake. And the beer, later, at the pub, while low in ABV and low in quantity (I drove, it was a Tuesday...), provided ample fuel for the recurring "needing to pee" moments in the dream.  Which does raise a question, that I have no idea about: what is the cadence of my needing to wee, when I sleep? I sort of thought that it must happen in one or two deluges, and not constantly, as when I'm awake, but last night's revisiting of the same scene in my psychic movie, over and over, has me wondering if that's something that's changed.  As a kid, I remember waking up sometimes at night, often to the sound of my parents going to bed - their door made a distinctive "honk" noise when they closed it, in that house - which would put the timing at around 11 or so - they liked to watch the news in bed. I would have been in bed for at least a couple of hours by then - bedtime was around 8:00, but we were given some grace to read, brush teeth, etc. Because they had periodically engaged in timed toileting exercises designed to "cure" my nocturnal enuresis, whenever I woke up sufficiently, I tended to instincitively do a quick nappy check, by feel, because it was not unheard of for me to leak through what were, let's face it, undersized baby disposables. Although it didn't happen that often - baby diapers have always punched above their rated weights. And I usually was not wet, at that point in the evening, whereas I generally was, when I woke up the next morning, so I assumed that it was happening only after my bladder had a long time to fill up.  But, I wasn't wearing diapers during the day, back then, or it was very rare, so my daytime peeing cadence was pretty normal - I didn't suffer from urgency. Whereas now, my daytime cadence is, by normal adult standards, very frequent - has that invaded my nights? I'd almost need some kind of nappy ECG device, to find out, because if I set out to wake up at intervals, to check, that act of observation would, as with particle physics, inevitably change the outcome.  Maybe I could ask my wife to check, and keep a logue? I can see that idea being popular... 

A big day for our happy couple. Let's not get started out on the wrong foot... Chapter 26 Moving Day I used the small suitcase I use for business travel to hold my nicer clothes. But jeans and sweatpants went in a plastic bag. Razor, toothbrush, phone charger, my small gym bag. Some shoes and socks, but no underwear. No underwear for the mama’s boy. No dishes, what will I do with furniture? Storage for now? Lease isn’t up for three months, so plenty of time to see how things end up. My phone beeped. An auto-generated message, “Your package(s) have been delivered. Click here for more information.” Having packed, I peeked in the fridge and fixed myself a sandwich, sat down and munched. Food in the fridge… Guess I’ll have to figure that out too. Well not right away, I’ll be back Monday probably. We agreed it was part-time at least for now. Being alone for a while, I decided to get out my personal laptop and surf around a bit. I had found a web site regarding age play stuff and diapers a while back, so I did some research. A pretty large membership and plenty of discussion threads. I found a couple of ‘rabbit holes’ and dove down one of them, ‘Sissies’. Learning some of the mechanics and definitions was rather dry reading. But someone had posted a picture of some pink and lace baby pants. They looked a lot like the ones I wore at Miss Beth’s, and I remembered how I was blushing in front of all those women. Mommy said I was …. I was adorable. Then a story someone named ‘baby bobby’ wrote. Many of the stories were along a similar theme and this one seemed the same: “Wife caught me… made me get dressed up in my sissy dress… her friend came over and took charge. Gagged… over her knee… spanked…. ‘no more masturbating for the sissy’… chastity…. Wife is now my mommy… Mommy decides from now on…” I realized as I read it that my hand was between my legs. My cock was throbbing as I rubbed my crotch. I whimpered as I unbuttoned my jeans and reached into my diaper. My mommy says it’s okay to play with my peepee…. I’m a good boy for Mommy…. As long as I do it in…. My hand was tugging furiously. The diaper was a bit restrictive and a part of me wanted to pull my cock out so I could do a better job. Mommy will have to spank if I do… Ughhhh… Ow…. Naughty boys get.. s…sp…ughhhhh I felt my cock throb as I shot my load into the front of my diaper. I blinked my eyes and opened them. Sheesh… reading sissy stories and jerking off. And the thought of Mommy spanking me pushed me over the edge? Where does it end? Was I always this way? Or is she somehow… I pulled out my hand and did up my jeans. I went to the kitchen to wash my fingers. As I calmed down from my horniness, I thought about my first serious girlfriend, Janet. We were pretty serious in college, but we drifted apart. What was it she said, “Tom, you’re just not assertive enough. If I’m going to start my own company, I need an alpha partner that can help me do that. Able to make decisions and take charge.” Maybe I have always been a beta-male? My phone chirped: ///// “Hey baby, I put the computer stuff in the guest room.” “How’s the packing? You want some lunch when you get here?” “Grabbed a sandwich already.” “Going pretty good, just gathering my laptop and be heading out.” “Good Boy! See you soon!” ///// Enough playing around. Should I have mentioned jerking off? She always says it’s okay to ‘fly solo’, as long as it’s in a diaper. I reached and rubbed a little. I could feel the wet, slippery spot against my skin for a moment. I was a good boy and did it like Mommy said. … It took only a few trips to unload the car, Mommy helped. A lot of it went straight to her bedroom. Oops, I mean ‘our’ bedroom. As I set down the laptop carry-bag, she put her arms around me and gave me a small kiss. Then she explained her plan, “Okay, now you go set up your computer system in the guest bedroom. There’s a small vanity I think you can use as a work desk until we find something better. And I… “ She winked and grinned at me, “… will grab something to eat and go unpack your things in OUR bedroom. How does that sound?” I smiled and answered, “Sounds like a plan. Hope you’re not mad I ate lunch already.” I barely got the words out when her hand slipped between my legs and she casually asked, “How’s that diaper?” She giggled and teased me a little, “MY!! Look at you! Still dry? Still trying to be a big boy? You know you can just go ahead and use them, you’re wearing them either way.” She must have seen something in my eyes, or maybe it’s because my cock didn’t instantly get hard at her touch. She didn’t seem upset or disappointed, but she asked, “Oh oh… is there something my baby wants to tell me? You know you can tell me anything sweetie.” It was embarrassing. I mean, growing up, guys just didn’t talk about it that much. And here she was, asking. But somehow, I knew I was going to tell her the truth. After that time when I did it without… and the guilt was so bad I had asked her to… I blurted it out, “Cummies Mommy. I played with my peepee and made cummies in my diaper.” She let go of my crotch and hugged me. Instinctively, I reached for her and held her tight. Her voice whispered in my ear, “It’s OKAY darling… I’ve told you. Mommy knows little boys can’t always help it. As long as it was in your didee. That’s all I ask.” Then she kissed my cheek and hugged me again. I managed a weak smile. I had told her the truth and felt relieved. She grinned at me and gently turned me towards the hallway and playfully thumped my diapered bottom, saying, “Now, get to work sweetie, I’ll come and check on you in a bit.” … The vanity was a creamy white with tiny bits of gold pinstripe and trim. She had removed the mirror somehow. It was a tight fit, getting two monitors, a keyboard and mouse. But it would do for now. I managed to crawl under it to get all the cords arranged and plugged in. Then the usual crap when first turning on a new computer. Name it, registration, no I don’t want to buy your junk… sigh. Then download a bunch of tools, log in to my subscription accounts, use my authenticator to log into work’s repositories. Oops, forgot and got the latest version of tools instead of the one we were currently working with. That’s an upgrade scheduled for another cycle, after the customer approves. But soon I had the proper work environment. I cloned the repository and started a build to test it all out. I was staring at a warning message when I felt Mommy’s arms slide over my shoulders as her breasts gently pressed against the back of my head. Her voice was soft and kind, “How’s it going baby? Is my internet fast enough?” I nodded my head as her body pressed forward, making my head tip down a little, “Doing good. I think it’s almost there. Yeah, your internet is fine.” I felt her arms gently hug my chest as she bent over, placing her chin almost on my shoulder. She stared at the screen for a moment and asked, “Really? How do you even understand what all that is saying? What’s it mean, ‘external not found’ anyway?” Without thinking, I went into ‘senior developer mode’ and started explaining, “That module is making a call to another procedure that was declared to be external to the module. But the linker couldn’t find it in any of the libraries. I think the environment variable listing where to search…” I stopped and blushed a little, she was looking at me as if I were babbling in baby-talk. She giggled a little and said, “Oh… of course! It’s so obvious I should have known.” Then she straightened, kissed the top of my head and patted my shoulder. She turned and as she started to leave, added, “I’ll give you another half an hour sweetie. Then dinner will be ready.” I went back to it and was puzzled. It wasn’t the environment variable after all. Yet I was sure I had… At one point I heard a voice say, “Dinnertime…” but I was no closer to finding the cause of ‘external not found’. Maybe the permissions on this… Nope. Dang it!! I know it’s here somewhere…. Suddenly I felt a painful grip on my ear. A stern voice declared, “Your dinner is COLD!! I called you over half an hour ago!! Let’s go mister, stand up!” I couldn’t look directly at her, her grip on my ear prevented that. But I managed to stand up and she tugged sharply, making me follow her to the dining room as she scolded me, “Our first day and we’re NOT going to start off on the wrong foot little man!” “Ow, you’re hurting me,” was all I managed to say at first. Then I tried to apologize, “I’m sorry, I was just trying to…” “Oh you’re about to be a lot sorrier mister,” is how she interrupted me as she led me to the dinner table. But instead of sitting me down in the chair she pulled out, she spun it around and sat down herself. I instantly knew what was about to happen. “Please Mommy… I’m sorry… I was just….” I pleaded. But it fell on deaf ears and soon I my jeans were unbuttoned and I was pulled over her lap, face down. As I felt her hands tugging down the back of my diaper, I heard her explain, “Normally I might forgive you when you’re working. But we’re not about to start things off on the wrong foot and you need to remember to come when Mommy calls…” THWACK! THWACK! It was the wooden spoon! It stung. I instinctively reached but Mommy was ready. Her other hand gripped my wrist and held my hand behind my back, safely out of the way. THWACK! THWACK! “When your Mommy calls you, what are you supposed to do little boy?” “Ow… I’m sorry… I was just so busy…” THWACK! “I didn’t ask for an excuse, now answer the question.” “Ow… please… I… I’m supposed to come to Mommy.” THWACK! “That’s right. Now, stand up and let me kiss it to make it better.” I was only a few swats, but they stung. I felt a tear in my eye. Not so much the sting, but the guilt. I had misbehaved and Mommy had to spank me. I felt her hands on my hips as she turned me to face way from her. Then two gentle kisses on my stinging bottom. Then she gently asked me to lift each foot one at a time and I was barefoot, my jeans gone. A tender voice said, “Hold the front of your diaper so it doesn’t fall down. I want you to stand in that corner over there. Nose to the corner with your red bottom on display.” I reached down and did as she said. I realized my diaper was wet and I waddled as best I could. When I faced the corner she said calmly, “Now stay just like that while I go warm up your dinner.” I heard movement as I stood there. I was tempted to reach around and massage my bottom. I squirmed when I thought how I must look. Here I am, like a naughty boy with my freshly spanked bottom on display. It wasn’t fair! I got so involved in my work and now…. Now my bottom stings. I heard the microwave door close and a couple of beeps as she started it. Then a phone rang. I could hear Mommy talking: ///// “Hi! Thanks for calling me back.” “Listen, Tommy has some time tomorrow and he said a couple of things need to be done right away. So maybe if you’re free tomorrow?” “Pretty good, although at the moment he can’t talk.” “Oh no, he’s here. But he’s having a timeout in the corner.” “No no… nothing serious. But his bottom is a bit red just now.” … It sounds like maybe Miss Beth? And Mommy just told her I just got spanked! Is this what life is going to be like? She just casually tells people when I’ve been naughty and gotten a spanking? But thinking of Miss Beth, suddenly my hand felt my diaper getting warm. … “Okay, how about I drop him off at one?” “Of course he will. Baby Tommy doesn’t wear ladies’ panties anymore, he’s in diapers full time now.” “Yup!”                                                                                                                                           “I think he mentioned a couple hours, so I’ll pick him up at say, four o’clock? That should be long enough.” “Great! Okay, see you then. I’ve got to get some dinner for a sorry little boy. Byeee!” ///// I heard her steps and then a soft touch as her hand tugged up the back of my diaper. She said gently, “Okay, your dinner is on the table sweetie. Better eat before it gets cold again.” I nodded and moved the chair she had used, back around to face the table and sat. Just a little sting. I started eating as she went back in the kitchen to do the dishes. The meatloaf and mashed potatoes were pretty good. They probably would have tasted even better if I hadn’t still felt a bit guilty. When I carried my empty dishes to the kitchen, she reached and took them from me saying, “That’s my good little man. Now wait just a minute and Mommy will change your diaper and get you ready for bed.” Then she put the dishes in the dishwasher and took my hand gently. I followed quietly and soon was laying on the bed as she showed me where my clothes were put away, then grabbed a diaper and one of my T-shirts. As she tore open the tapes of my wet diaper, she spoke casually, as if my earlier transgression was forgotten, “That was Beth on the phone, you probably heard.” I nodded and started to speak when she gently pushed a pacifier in my mouth saying, “Shh… now… I’ve also spoken with Jill at the shop and I put in a standing order for a case of diapers every two weeks. We’ll see if that’s enough.” Just as she said that she gently wiped my balls and cock, adding, “Can’t have my little boy running out now, can we? Especially if you’re going to play with Mister Peepee so much.” She winked as she leaned down and just quickly kissed my cock. Then straightened up, grabbed the clean diaper and said, “Lift up sweetie… Mommy needs to put this on before you make a wetsie in our bed.” I blushed a little as I lifted my hips. The idea that I could just piss in the bed was.. well silly. But she was happy, she’d forgiven me, and she loves to have me in diapers. … As we snuggled to watch some tv, I wanted to talk about what happened. I took out my pacifier and started with, “You know, I didn’t mean to ignore you. I just get wrapped up in my work sometimes.” She slipped her arm behind me and tugged me into her lap. She had placed a pillow there and her other arm cradled my head. She spoke quietly, “I know. We’ll have to work on that a little. And I probably didn’t really need to spank you, but I didn’t want our first weekend as a couple living together, to get started on the wrong foot. You’ve got a job and all that. I love you, but you need to remember I’m still the mommy. I just wanted to make that clear, understand?” I looked up into her eyes as she looked down at me. I nodded as my lips parted, accepting the pacifier she gently pushed back into my mouth. I whispered around it, “yeth mummsy.” That was the right thing to say, she gave me one of those wonderful smiles. We watched tv quietly for a while. A little after nine she reached to softly pat my tummy and asked, “It’s been a busy day. Do you want Mommy to fix you a special baba with some sleepy medicine tonight? Or just regular milkies?” She was giving me the option. She wouldn’t just drug me without asking. For that I was grateful. I thought about it a moment then mumbled around my pacifier, “jus wegwah no seepies.” She giggled a little, answering, “You sound so cute talking that way. Like a little toddler.” Then she shifted and pushed a little to get up. I laid my head back on the pillow and watched as she went to the kitchen. Soon she was back and getting comfortable again with me snuggled in her lap. She didn’t say a word as she tucked a bib under my chin, popped out my pacifier and replaced it with the nipple of the bottle she had fixed. As the slightly vanilla taste trickled down my throat and I suckled contentedly, she spoke some more. She said, “Let’s see, plenty of diapers. And if you only need one or two bottles a day, I have that. What else? Some more baby pants?” She was smiling as I suckled quietly as she planned out our life together. Then her face lit up a little as she suddenly remembered, “OH! Should I get little Tonya, a couple dresses and pretty baby pants of her own? Would you like that?” The thought of getting dressed up like that again, made me blush. I remembered that story I had read. The sissy’s wife decided he needed to be dressed up as soon as he got home from work each day. Would I have to do that? But I work at home, would that mean… God Damn it! Why is my cock getting hard!!?!?! I self-consciously reached for my diaper. She was looking at me and smiling. She wiggled the nipple in my mouth and I sucked on it to avoid speaking. But she just went on, despite not receiving an answer, “Not to worry, I put your boy things in the closet already. You couldn’t very well go out to dinner in a Shirley-Temple outfit. Oh, some more milk drink. Do you want to try some other flavors? I think they have strawberry, blueberry, and of course we could get a little chocolate for when you’re an extra good little boy.” She didn’t seem to care when I gripped at my diapered crotch and shifted my legs apart. She just carried on as if it was just something her little boy does all the time. She was thinking and planning, “Maybe we should park your car in the garage? That way I can get mine out in the mornings when I need to go to work. We’ll probably be using my car more often anyway. Or maybe we park them both in the driveway? Then we could put some of your furniture in the garage for now.” I tried to say something. To contribute in some way to the conversation. All I managed was, “ur mabee can go is sorage?” She smiled down at me and wiggled the nipple with a soft, “Shh… just drink your baba tonight sweetie. We can discuss it tomorrow.” Then she was quietly smiling as I suckled again, feeling myself getting lost in those beautiful eyes. I had asked for no medicine, and I trusted her. But her smile and the warmth of her tummy next to my ear; the gentle sucking, I was starting to feel tired and just relaxed. This is nice… maybe even as nice as having sex. It’s so nice to know she’s right here, caring for me. Soon the bottle was empty and she tugged it away. My pacifier soothed my pouting lips and she spoke in a whisper, “Come along now Tommy, time for bed.” Once tucked in, I watched as she undressed and slipped on a comfortable nightgown. She turned out the light, slipped into bed next to me, and pulled me close. As her arm wrapped around me, she whispered in my ear, “I’ll help little Tommy with mister peepee in the morning if you want. But for now, sweet dreams my little sugarplum.” I nodded and whispered, “wuv u mummy.” She kissed my cheek and replied, “I love you too, now get some sleep baby.” To Be Continued

Loonies

I tried very hard to please other people when I was younger.  I remember in elementary school having to take a break during the day for the restroom, boys and girls split up into lines. There were times when I had a strong painful urge from my stomach, but I had to wait my turn and didn't want to seem rude or impatient. I have several memories of pooping my pants and wishing I was in diapers for it instead of regular underwear, but couldn't afford it. Cleaning up my accidents in regular underwear only made me feel more insecure and angry at myself when it was beyond my ability to hold it in or control it. Over the years reading different forums, I feel better knowing I'm not alone. But wearing diapers still requires the skills of personal responsibility and time management. Even if I have an accident, I still care about how I make other people feel. When I was punished for trying to use diapers in secret at school, I had a teacher say something along the lines of "you are in control of your own actions/behavior. Your success depends on what you care about and the choices you make." I just remembered feeling speechless wanting to say something, but the teacher had a point, how could anyone hire me if I'm wearing diapers? I didn't want to be labeled for my needs. Now as I reflect after spending nearly a decade in pull-up diapers at least some of the time, I realize I don't want to throw away my connections with the people I care about, and potentially new opportunitiesto go to work, but I don't want to center my life around the nearest restroom trying to be like everyone else? I know the smell and cleanup can be unpleasant, but if rather accept it than be in pain trying to mask my needs and act more normal.  I'm tried of hiding my disability, I just want to accept it as part of who I am. Hope anyone else can relate? I'm tried of incontinence products only seen as medically necessary if you have the right Medicaid plan, it should be available to people in need, regardless of their insurance plan.