Birth Of A Paraphilia

[D_Rainger]

Over the years I've heard a number of ideas put forth about why individuals get attached to diapers who otherwise have no use for them. One that has made the most sense to me goes this way:

Because of the proximity of the sexual organs to the diaper area confusion occurs at some point attaching sexual feelings to the simple act of having a diaper changed. In other words, as a baby's diaper is removed and replaced the child might accidentally be stimulated sexually (little boys sometimes get an erection during a diaper change.) This sexual feeling may be held over and revived at a later time under the right circumstances, but it is inseparably attached to diapers or diaper changing. We all know that smell, sound, and touch can all elicit very strong responses and these are certainly a part of a diaper change. Sexual feeling gets associated with the action and environment of the diaper change.

Little children do begin to have a sexual awareness at some point. In our culture the trend has been to potty train later and later and bigger and older kids are wearing diapers. Perhaps this also has a bearing on the flourishing of AB/DL culture. Older children are certainly more aware of themselves and what makes them feel good.

Another reason why a person may attach strong feelings to diapers is that mixed messages are often sent. A busy parent may put a child back in diapers after they are toilet trained because they don't want to risk or have to deal with an accident. This sends a very confusing message to a child: Is it all right to wet my pants or isn't it? A bedwetting child is also at risk with the prevalence and acceptance of nighttime protection even for quite mature youngsters. When does it cease being a protection and become a comfort?

This, of course, is just a theory. I know that as a child I was put back in diapers when we traveled. I also recall asking to be put in diapers for the fun of it. I suspect that I'm a victim of mixed messages.

-D. R.

[PampersPete]

Sounds very plausible.

[Topguy]

Sometimes results from punishment traumas as well.

Parents aren't perfect-and I don't know of how many incidences I have heard from abdls who said thier diaper fetishes came from being diapered as some form of punishment. I wonder if the adults responsible might use other methods-if they knew they were saddling thier children with something like this for life?

[Eric D]

it's an interesting theorie, and thanks for sharing.

For as long as I can remember having wanted to wear diapers I have also questioned this wish quite thoroughly... after all it's considered "abnormal" by most.

the theorie for sure has some interesting points and sure is valid to a certain extend.

however, considering my own "case" I believe it was at least triggered due to two incidents in my life when I was rather young.

one was being a pre-school camp (I was 5... we go to school here around 6/7)... where the staff for whatever reason had decided that every child below the age of 6 has to wear diapers for bed... most didn't mind that much, as everyone had to... I don't have too many "vivid" memories of that time but I remember instantly liking the whole feeling.

besides this a bit later (not too much though) my half-brother was a bedwetter and he had to wear disposables every night... he never as much as put up a fight, he was a approx. a year older than me... I remember how attracted I was to the whole diaper thing and I wanted only few things more as to wear a diaper too... don't ask my why though... maybe I figured I would get more attention, maybe I remembered how "comfortable" I felt back when I was 5 at the camp having to wear diapers... I don't know... but I was quick to figure out later that it was really stimulating me sexually as well.

I never really tried to break with the habit/fetish... it didn't hurt me... and I like it.... yet I sometimes think whether I should stop... for various reasons.

but that's quite a different story.

[Pull-ups man]

Again a wonderful topic to think about. I am happy that there are people on this phorum that not only "play" so to speak with the diaper fetish, but also try to understand why it is that people here on this phorum have such a fetish and how it accually came to be. Your theory D_Rainger is really interesting and I sort of come to a similar conclusion when I think about me being a diaper lover. I remember from early on that diapers/diaper changes had a large impact on my sexual feelings. Of course I realised this much later when I re-discovered diapers again at the age of 11 or so. It is rather interesting to think about the specific fetish. Why is it that some people find it sexually arousing to act as AB/DLs, while others dont? Others may like wetting, bondage and other fetishes, but do not feel attached to diapers in any way. And then there are "normal" people who do not have any kind of fetish. But then, what is a fetish? I would define this term as "an object or activity that provides sexual excitment". I dont include the "classic" sex into the definition, because it is considered "normal" in our Western culture.

Just some interesting ideas to thing of...

Much applause D_Rainger!

Pull-ups man

[DLK]

I agree with your theory. My case had everything to do with exactly what you said. My parents never used diapers for any type of punishment/accident control. It's all me I guess. however, I think that everyone is thinking too much. I just enjoy my diapers ands thats all. I kind of enjoy having a left field fetish anyway.

[I M Soaked]

My love for diapers came at an early age. While I was growing up my father was in the Navy, needless to say we moved quite a bit,moving from port to port as often as evry three years. So, in a sense, I made a lot of friends but I didn't get to keep them very long. As they were moving around also, and you lose track of them quickly. That is were my love for diapers comes in. Just as soon as I would get used to living ina house, we would move to another state and start all over again. Evry time we moved, I would get scared that I wouldn't be able to find the bathroom, of the new house, and eventually would wet the bed. Being that in the early 70'sDisposables were just coming onto the market,people were afraid they weren't any good,so my folks just had me layer up my tighty whiteys in hopes tha I would stat dry at night. As time progressed I experimented with towels folded up to resemble todays booster pads and so on. Now evry chance I have alone, like if my wife and kids are gone for the weekend or take a vacation that I am not able to go on, do to work, I make it a point to go out and buy a pack of disposable adult diapers and enjoy the peace and quiet. Some folks would have a party if they had the house to them selves, I just want to be alone in my own little world ofcotton batting and obsorbant gel.

[DIAPERPHANTOM]

Very interesting read, 'D_Rainger! Good post!!!

[FunTime]

I've also read about the theory that a significant and sometimes embarassing experience can trigger AB/DL or any festish for that matter ...

Though I was not embarassed as a younster, nor do I remember lengthy timse in disposable diapers, nor was I a bedwetter, I do remember an embarassing Halloween costume that the whole school had to see and said was "So cute!" ...

It's crazy, but that's my earliest ideas of everything I think about today.

[Rawr]

Great topic!

This is certainly something I've thought about a lot before. I'm by no means a professional psychologist, but I have obtained a number of psychology qualifications, and I find it interesting to examine this (and other) fetish(es) from various psychological perspectives.

You’ve basically described the behaviourist approach to fetishism. Essentially behaviourism states that all our learning is the result of stimulus and response conditioning; and it’s very feasible that as children, we learned to associate the feeling of a diaper change with positive and happy feelings, or even the sensual feeling of a wet or messy diaper as being a pleasurable one, and those conditioned responses now manifest themselves in this particular fetishist manner.

For anyone who's interested, I’ve written up a brief overview of an alternative academic view (from the psychodynamic/Freudian perspective) on how paraphillias/fetishes are formed and how that might relate specifically to DLs.

I hope that some of you find this interesting!

First of all, it’s important to note that as a paraphillia, ‘fetishism’ is technically classified as a sexual dysfunction, as detailed in the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems (the ICD) and the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (the DSM). Those are basically the books that doctors use to determine if someone can be classed as having a particular mental condition.

However, to medically qualify as a “paraphillic fetish

[D_Rainger]

Just before I finish, it’s important to note that there’s no definitive proven explanation for how fetishes are formed. It is most likely is a combination of a number of factors; and each person and each case is different, so it’s highly unlikely that even if we were able to pin down the reasons for ONE person’s fetish, it’s unrealistic to think that explanation would apply to many more people.

That is the conclusion that I have reached as well. Even though I'm not a great believer in Freudian psychology, your discussion is very well thought out and helpful. Thank you for spending the time to add such insightful and valuable information to our discussion.

-D R

[tcc]

Fascinating thoughts. I am a 40 year DL and love it. I love my DL life and wouldn't change a thing - except my diapers! - though I've beaten myself up for being "different". I can remember at age 5 being entranced by the puffy underwear babies wore, and the swishing sound the plastic pants made and how the plastics looked encasing the thick, soft, white diapers, with the intoxicating aroma of the "diaseptic process", of diapers coming from a diaper service. I was too big for baby diapers, but already I had generated a desire to be dressed again in those puffy diapers with plastic pants. No conscious memory of WHY.

My ex chose to use my diaper fetishism against me in the divorce, even though she had participated with me, encouraged me and was acceptant. Of course, as time went on, and the marriage deteriorated, and I became more willing to be diapered at my whim, which was frequently, she accused me of loving diapers more than her. She may have been right at that point. I sure wasn't getting much out of my marriage. I blinked, of course, and it cost me 175K in the divorce. We never ended up in court, and I was not exposed. My lawyer assured me that I was NOT the first he'd represented that had diaper fetishism involved in a divorce proceedings. I was stunned.

To keep from losing my kids, I had a psych profile done. Cost me $600 and I still haven't seen the results. It was to be proactive for court, to prove that I was sane, pretty normal and fit to be able to keep custody of my kids. The shrink assured me that as long as my fetishism was not interfering with and keepinf me from normal day to day activity, it wasn't a problem. I would be classic if I wanted to try and eliminate the fetish/leaning/HABIT/ADDICTION from my life. He said, unfortunately, it would take lots of time, lots of money, and merely TRADE one HABIT/ADDICTION for another! Refreshing, eh? A different slant on what the fetishism IS.

I finally decided that I can't rid myself of this thing. I had my first conscious self-induced orgasm in a make-shift diaper at age 12. I'm sure I sealed my fate with that. And, I decided I'm going to sit back and enjoy. I love being diapered, albeit discreetly, out in public, under regular clothes. I delight in wetting and messing, having it all contained, with no one else knowing. I love feeling decadent as I do, scoffing at society and society's dictates. I'm hurting no one and with all the incons out there that NEED diapers, diapers are merely absorbent underwear, and can be used by ANYBODY, needed or not. The tough part is deciding, in quest for another relationship, if I am willing to sacrifice my pleasure derived from diapers for the sake of a relationship. Am I willing to compromise? Am I willing to put my diapers back into hiding if necessary for the sake of love for a partner? The answer is NO. So, embarking into dating and relationships, revelation of my "deep dark secret" comes early. With that card on the table, some relationships have ended immediately, and some it didn't matter, ending later as the person was definitely not "the one". I just wonder if the more normal we make our world and leanings, the more normal they will become to others in the grand scheme of things.

[Soaker :P]

i have a friend with a foot fetish, explain that! i also know people with extedned diaper/pee fetishes, that dont involve diapers..

i do agree that there must be some explanation to the formation of fetishes, this one in particular, and this is the best explanation i have found so far. i remember being about 3 and feeling the urge to try one of my baby brothers diapers on because i thought it would feel nice.

also though i go through phases sometimes where i do not feel attracted to diapers and go months without any desire to wear them. then again i may go months of constant watching diaper videos and getting my hands on them and wetting. it may be to do with stress levels or something i dont know...i am in the stage of total diaper attraction lol and i guess im stressed because i have major exams coming up.....but there u go!

[Pull-ups man]

That is the conclusion that I have reached as well. Even though I'm not a great believer in Freudian psychology, your discussion is very well thought out and helpful. Thank you for spending the time to add such insightful and valuable information to our discussion.

-D R

I really dont know what more to add... D_Rainger said it all. Very important post by Rawr. I am greatful that Rawr put down such good thoughts and conclusions. I am 18 and I seriously intend to study psychology on a university level after I finish high school, this post has been especially helpful in many ways!

Thanks again for a long, but heplful post in determening where it all started in my case

[Mean Mommy]

Freud is my favorite psychologist. Although his theories are used universally now (we use it whenever we say "he's in denial" or "she's trying to repress her anger" or "I think that came subconsciously" - didn't know how much of a Freud fan you were, huh?) he's still pretty flawed in the eyes of modern psychology. Such as his extreme sexism (penis envy in every woman? come come now, I think many girls love their vadges), and his tendency to root every explanation in sexuality.

But still, it's fun to learn.

And now my unsolicited opinion on (diaper) fetishism:

Haven't you noticed that the objects that are fetished usually have some strong symbolism connected to them? It isn't all about being sensually stimulated. it also has to do with the emotional attachments we make with objects. Cuz, y'know, no one is ever like "SPOONS. Oh yeah, they turn me on. I love spooooons..." Actually, I bet there is someone out there with a thing for spoons, but probably just one person, at most three. If everything that touched our privates had the power to become a fetish, then why don't we have a thing for toilet paper? Or underwear? (I mean underwear can be sexy, but even your boring Monday underwear? C'mon now.)

When we (well, many of us) were younger we were privy to that all-encompassing, unconditional love from our mothers and fathers. No matter what we did we were always loved, accepted and cared for. We were safe and adored. As we got older, we were slowly weaned off that love and taught to become increasingly independent. Diapers are a good and succinct symbol of this. We wore them when we were younger and privy to unconditional love. We were forced to abandon them when we got older, even hate them, as we became self-sufficient and alienated from our parents unwarranted devotion. We were taught to associate diapers with shame. Wearing a diaper meant we were not grown up and successful, we were failures. Yet we remember how we were loved when we wore them. So the diaper becomes this complicated object.

On one hand we scorn the diaper. Who needs diapers? Only a loser, a freak. I don't need diapers, I can take care of myself. I am responsible, I don't need anyone.

On the other hand we want that love. That love is very hard to get, and very few of us are successful at getting it once we stopped being helpless children. I want to return to that feeling that was taken from me so long ago. I want someone to look out for me, care for me. I don't mean to be needy but it's this essential thing I desperately need.

Thus, several powerful feelings and motives are tied to the diaper. Shame, revulsion, self-loathing. Also submission, happiness, innocence, and adoration. For many, a diaper is a gateway to returning to a time and place where they received unconditional love.

No matter what the fetish is, the fetishist will have a complicated history with it. If someone does indeed have a spoon fetish, I bet you they have treated it differently, or perceived it differently and has had more intense experiences concerning spoons than you or I.

[i_am_special_too]

On one hand we scorn the diaper. Who needs diapers? Only a loser, a freak. I don't need diapers, I can take care of myself. I am responsible, I don't need anyone.

On the other hand we want that love. That love is very hard to get, and very few of us are successful at getting it once we stopped being helpless children. I want to return to that feeling that was taken from me so long ago. I want someone to look out for me, care for me. I don't mean to be needy but it's this essential thing I desperately need.

Thus, several powerful feelings and motives are tied to the diaper. Shame, revulsion, self-loathing. Also submission, happiness, innocence, and adoration. For many, a diaper is a gateway to returning to a time and place where they received unconditional love.

I totally agree... well put

[japaneselightning]

I can say that I know where my diaper fetish came from. I am an 18 year old male, and was potty trained for the daytime by age 2 1/2 years, and night time trained by 4. I would occasionally wet the bed, but my mom and dad didn't allow me to use a disposable absorbent diaper at night at all. This is the first half. The second half is an experience from a movie which I will never forget. When I was 13, I watched the movie "Escape From Sobibor" which had a crowd of naked women in it. This instantly scared me to death, and I felt horrified that women didn't have clothing on, and didn't have phalloi. Two months later, while at my grandparents, I stole 3 depend diapers from them, and used them (wetting only). This was the start of my diaper fetish.

[emily]

I have read all of the posts so far and will come back to read what is put next. I have always had an interest in psychology and trying to understand why people do the things they do can help you survive in the world. I have never really been a fan of Freud - I see too many holes in his theories (not writing about fetishes in women for example). I questioned my love for diapers for so many years and it took me a long time to lose the dirty, abnormal feeling and come to terms with the fact that it is just something I like to do (wear and wet diapers). I also use them as a stress reliever - I feel comforted and protected. I also use them in phases. I can go months - even years - without thinking about it. 2007 was an extremely difficult year for me and my kink (I prefer that to fetish) came back. I am sitting here now in a wet diaper. I am home alone and I have a lot of work to do with not much time to do it.

My first encounter with diapers as an older child was when I was about 8. My parents had divorced and mum and I were on our own. I was playing with the girl next door and I am not sure whose idea it was to make diapers out of material that was around. She was a bit older than me and also from a one-parent family. I also remember at this time wanting to have a penis and putting things in my diaper to look like a penis bump. I do not remember any sexual feelings for the diapers or for the girl. I am bisexual and was aware of feelings for women at about 11. So, I suppose my parents' divorce and the influence of my friend started my diaper kink. I do not know when and how I was potty trained.

I then went for years where I use home-made diapers as a comforter in bed. It was only when I was an adult and working as a carer that I discovered real adult diapers (until then I did not know they existed) and used one and wetted. I stole several and wore them at home but not out. Last year was the first time I bought some in a shop and wore in public. It is always times of stress and strain that cause me to seek them out.

Feelings of disgust at myself, I believe, were caused by society's view of diapers as a baby-only thing or for medical needs (incontinence). No one knows about my kink except my husband and you guys here. I told my husband soon after we met and started going out. At that point I talked about it in the past tense. I have not told him about my usage this last year. Why? Still slight feelings of disgust at myself but mainly because I would have to admit how hard I have found the last year and expose my feelings of vulnerability. I am not ready for that. I do not fully understand what I am feeling and do not want to open up completely just yet.

So, maybe Freud does have something in the penis-envy thing. My experimentation with objects in diapers as a child and use of strap-on dildoes in lesbian sex as an adult would seem to support this. Also, the association of diapers with a time when I was loved by two parents would also fit. I had to grow up very quickly when my parents divorced.

This has been an extremely interesting discussion and I applaud DR and all ho have posted here. This is one of the reasons I looked for a forum - I did not want to talk about sex and AB stuff. I just need to be with intelligent people who can help me to feel less dirty and more 'normal'. This discussion has helped with that and I thank everyone who has contributed.

[wettomm]

Why do we like diapers? I've always thought that it was like the old nurture/nature argument. Before I had my own children I used to believe that nurture played the more dominant role. We were a product of our upbringing and environment. Now I tend to lean the other direction and believe that nature plays a larger role. At first your children’s physical appearance is notable. Later as they mature you begin to notice behavioral similarities. In the animal world there are all kinds of incredible behaviors exhibited especially mating behavior that is not learned but hard wired. The animal engages in all kinds or bizarre and unique behavior instinctively. Humans have always thought of themselves as unique and separate from the animal world. We have always thought that our behavior is more a result of rational thought and learned behavior. The older I get the more I think that notion is very chauvinistic and wrong. I think much if not most of our behavior is inherited or in other words hard wired. I think that our love of diapers is a combination of nurture and nature. I think that our sexuality is very complicated and frequently gets cross-wired. In my own case there was never any traumatic event or anything else that caused my diaper interest. It just happened and there is no real explanation.

[DL-CanesFan]

There are a percentage of us that don't like diapers for the sexual sensation/thrill/feeling. I don't get aroused by wearing diapers, and I don't need them in order to become aroused. Therefore, for me it is not a fetish, but rather a true love of wearing diapers. They are comfortable and to me, nothing relaxes me better than putting on a nice diaper after work. It is kind of like putting on a big hug. Yes there is a feeling of being naughty when I am wearing in public. Yes there is a great feeling when I waddle around in one of my thick diapers. Yes I LOVE TO WEAR DIAPERS!

BUT, would I say that there is any sexual arousal for me? No.

[bedwetter73]

I can remember one diaper change as a baby, around four. I remember it was a very nice feeling to be cared for like that. My mom did all the changing, dad took me to the neighbors house when I was dirty. HHmm I wonder why he and I never formed a good relationship? Then at the sitters house I got to watch all the kids get their diapers changed right there in front of me. I was always excited to watch and even smell what was going on. I did have a poopy accident there once and remember lying to her about it. She swatted my butt and the poop smeared all around. She took me upstairs and had to give me a bath because I was so dirty. Afterwards she diapered me with the rest of the kids. A nice thick '70's era Pamper. I remember wetting it for fun and mom telling me I was way to old for diapers when she picked me up. They questioned why I was wet and I said because I wanted to be. I don't remember much after that.

I'd have to say I've always liked diapers.

[curiositykilledthecat]

Meh I think being a dl is probably more of a misassociation stemming from childhood and being an ab is probably more of an abuse or neglect issue. I don't care I like both.

[loopy]

Meh I think being a dl is probably more of a misassociation stemming from childhood and being an ab is probably more of an abuse or neglect issue. I don't care I like both.

I wasn't abused or neglected..... where do I fit in? :/

I think its a whole range of things that cause us to do what we do, you can never pin it down to one single thing. Was it because I got out of nappies early? Was it because my sister came along when I was still young? Was it because when growing up babies seemed to have it all? Million and one things that could of caused this.

[aleyxsis]

I agree loopy don't know what it was for me but i do remember having dl xpeiriences as early as grade 2 and was punished at 7 yrs for poopin my pants totally freaked me out but the dl/ab came back and im finally cool with it thanks to this board and other sites i know im not alone be cool

[WallaWalla]

I think there are multiple etiologies, but I for the most part feel that the explanation offered by the OP applies to the majority of DLs at the least.