Wife’s Level of Acceptance, Encouragement and Participation

[Toddler Pampers]

So you’re AB/DL.  Not surprisingly, most people aren’t, including your wife.  But she knows all, you having done right, not just by her, but by yourself, and confidently revealed what you like and what you do.  And you’re still together, after decades, in many cases, because she didn’t run away both laughing and screaming.

At least she tolerates you, very low bar, so let’s contemplate more.  Maybe she even accepts you, which is mainly a vibe you get from her:  she not only heard the details once, but knows you’re still at it:  acceptance.  A wife who, at least, understands, leaves you be, loves you for the things she can, and doesn’t wish you were ‘normal’:  mere tolerance.

Of course, things get even better, a wife who actually encourages you, which best describes my situation.  For example, she was going to the store and asked if I needed anything.  More baby powder, please.  Sure, she said.  Completely positive, not met with silence or anything that would cause me to wish I’d gotten it myself.

Even our sex life recognizes that I’m AB/DL.  While there are no diapers at bedtime, there is a certain pink nursing bra that she handles just like intended:  I am nursed during intercourse.  Sure, she loves it, too, but both of us are enjoying my infantilism.

Been married for 25+ years now.  In the early days, she wore some diapers, would suck her thumb and a pacifier, and even changed me once.  Bless her heart, those things weren’t for her, but still is no prude.  And we’ve found ways for her to interact that she’s comfortable with.  For my part, I do not wish she had more to give.  I can hardly believe what she does!  Of course, I know what a struggle it can be to keep that woman from running away, both laughing and screaming.

[ValentinesStuff]

Your missing:

Doesn't know.

Hates.

[Toddler Pampers]

3 hours ago, ValentinesStuff said:

Your missing:

Doesn't know.

Hates.

Not included because your wife should know.  If she doesn’t, and finds out, it’s serious!  Don’t even want to think about that.

[Babypants]

Not relevant to someone who told his prospective bride that he was incontinent and diapered before popping the question.  My first marriage ended in divorce, but this had nothing to do with it.  I have been widowed twice, and changed their diapers at the end hopefully with the same grace that they tolerated my diapered state and occasional two year old tantrums.  My partner of the last seven years is just as supportive, and takes on the diapering chores without complaint when a sciatica attack makes it very difficult for me to manage on my own.

Guys, you are making a major league mistake if you hide something at the core of your personality from your significant other.  What you are saying is that you don't trust her-- and without trust, any relationship is doomed.

[ValentinesStuff]

1 hour ago, Toddler Pampers said:

Not included because your wife should know.  If she doesn’t, and finds out, it’s serious!  Don’t even want to think about that.

I agree, but not everyone tells their spouse, and not every spouse even tolerates it.

[Toddler Pampers]

3 hours ago, ValentinesStuff said:

I agree, but not everyone tells their spouse, and not every spouse even tolerates it.

I actually assumed she knows.  Sure, a few guys don’t reveal, and hope like hell she doesn’t find out.  But, assuming she knows, what’s it like living with her?  As for spouses not tolerating, yes, she does, if she doesn’t leave.

[Little Sherri]

I selected "Accepts it, doesn't make me feel bad", but I probably need a category somewhere between that and "tolerates, but I keep it hidden", perhaps entitled "Tolerates, and I don't keep it hidden."

I guess my wife accepts it? It's been four years. Our basement houses a dozen cases of diapers, I have a diaper drawer, a diaper can, I pack diapers when we go on vacation, and I walk around our bedroom, and sometimes the house (when the kids aren't around) in just a diaper, pretty much every day at some point. I'm definitely not keeping it hidden. But she doesn't participate at all, and she does lob the occasional barb or withering glance my way, although she tempers those with jabs and jokes that are legitimately funny, if slightly embarrassing. Overall, I'm lucky - I could have ended up living in a van down by the river, to quote the late, great Chris Farley. Instead, I wear diapers all the time, everywhere, and life progresses, for the most part, normally, but with a slight crinkle to it. 

[Toddler Pampers]

38 minutes ago, Little Sherri said:

I selected "Accepts it, doesn't make me feel bad", but I probably need a category somewhere between that and "tolerates, but I keep it hidden", perhaps entitled "Tolerates, and I don't keep it hidden."

I guess my wife accepts it? It's been four years. Our basement houses a dozen cases of diapers, I have a diaper drawer, a diaper can, I pack diapers when we go on vacation, and I walk around our bedroom, and sometimes the house (when the kids aren't around) in just a diaper, pretty much every day at some point. I'm definitely not keeping it hidden. But she doesn't participate at all, and she does lob the occasional barb or withering glance my way, although she tempers those with jabs and jokes that are legitimately funny, if slightly embarrassing. Overall, I'm lucky - I could have ended up living in a van down by the river, to quote the late, great Chris Farley. Instead, I wear diapers all the time, everywhere, and life progresses, for the most part, normally, but with a slight crinkle to it. 

Honestly, it sounds like you’re in her face about it.  On vacation?!  Personally, I absolutely love being in diapers, just for fun, the thrill of it, and my wife’s knowledge and consent is massively important to me.  However, she is pretty straightforward herself, which I work at honoring, by not taking a mile just because she gives me an inch.  On vacation, I know she would be very uncomfortable with the possibility of my fetish being revealed, even to hotel staff.  And I know that she appreciates that I don’t ignore what she’s feeling.

[Little Sherri]

22 hours ago, Toddler Pampers said:

On vacation?!

The way "this" works best for me is if I'm all in. We're all wired differently, I guess. I tried dabbling in it, and that had two effects: first, I was unhappy when I wasn't able to wear, and, second, when I was, I had anxiety about having to go back to "normal" at some point, which took some of the joy out of the moments I did have. And those moments came at a cost; I've written about this extensively elsewhere, so won't burden you with twenty paragraphs of my drivel here, but, the Cliff's Notes version (which we call "Cole's Notes" here in Canada...) is, I used to travel for business a lot more, and I used to send my family away on vacation without me, or I'd leave days or even weeks early, or arrive late "because of work", just so that I could have time to, essentially, be myself. Diapers were coming between me and my family - I was looking forward to not hanging out with them, and was engineering opportunities to be alone whenever I could. Now that I'm 24/7, I haven't done that in four years. We all go on vacation for the same periods of time, and I travel for business only when I have to, and I have no anxiety about "going back to normal", because this is normal, for me. And so far, it seems to be worth the tradeoff for my wife. There's a lot more to me than just my strange underwear preferences, and I guess the upsides outweigh the downsides for her, at least so far. 

[Toddler Pampers]

2 hours ago, Little Sherri said:

There's a lot more to me than just my strange underwear preferences, and I guess the upsides outweigh the downsides for her, at least so far. 

What you’ve said here is where the rubber meets the road.  I’m sure you’re great in countless other ways, but does it matter, like proof that the Titanic would not have sunk had the captain been going just one knot slower?  But he wasn’t!

It would be nice, but you can’t say it’s just another type of underwear, just another fetish.  Very unfortunately, the optics could hardly be worse.  We’re all pervs, if not pedophiles.  Women, especially, have a hard time with the inescapable connection to children, and then there’s their own leaky plumbing.  Why would anyone enjoy wetting themselves?!  Lastly, I suppose, women, biologically speaking, desire men who can protect them.  Of course, the image of a man in diapers doesn’t fulfill this need.

These are general issues, not directed squarely at you.  The other information you revealed gives context to diapering even on vacation.  For some people, life is completely straightforward.  For the rest of us, it’s complicated.  I definitely know that I’m extremely lucky to be with my wife.  It’s like being shorter than her.  Practically every one will keep looking, no matter how wonderful you are.

[diaperguy85]

My g/f (might as well be wife) knows, accepts, sometimes encourages and loves me, diapers and all! I do wish she would participate in wearing, changing, etc, but I am very grateful that she sees diapers as just a different kind of underwear 🙂

[Toddler Pampers]

8 hours ago, diaperguy85 said:

My g/f (might as well be wife) knows, accepts, sometimes encourages and loves me, diapers and all! I do wish she would participate in wearing, changing, etc, but I am very grateful that she sees diapers as just a different kind of underwear 🙂

A different kind of underwear, you mean like boxers compared to briefs?  No underwear I know of is meant for wetting and soiling.  That would be diapers, just diapers.

[Snugglebear_69]

Diapers are just another kind of underwear. All the terms means is something designed to be worn under the clothing. There are plenty of folks who wear diapers that don't use. They are simply underwear and trying to make rather something more or less doesn't change simple facts.

[rusty pins]

12 hours ago, Toddler Pampers said:

A different kind of underwear, you mean like boxers compared to briefs?  No underwear I know of is meant for wetting and soiling.  That would be diapers, just diapers.

 

9 hours ago, Snugglebear_69 said:

Diapers are just another kind of underwear. All the terms means is something designed to be worn under the clothing. There are plenty of folks who wear diapers that don't use. They are simply underwear and trying to make rather something more or less doesn't change simple facts.

I agree.  They may be "High Performance" underwear, but they are underwear.  If they are worn under your outerwear, then they are underwear whether it's boxers, briefs or diapers.

[foreverdl]

I'm a in betweenez I think. See I hid my diaper fetish for a long time, we worked hrs so I had a little time each day that she wasn't home, so I could play, well after I ended up telling her she and I had big arguments for a number of yrs. Now we have been married 28 yrs, she does tolerate it, but now I have dribbles, and can't hold it to make it to the bathroom and I wet the bed without knowing it sometimes. That's all due to age and my back, pain meds etc. So my fetish turned into a need, and to me it's cool, and my wife is now putting up with it all, but I have said on other threads she doesn't like the smells, so I do all I can to keep it under control. So she tolerates it but not really supportive, I Donn't keep it hidden, so between number 1 and a little addition I guess. She will be seen with me in a store etc when I buy the diapers and at second hand stores where I get my baby blankets, that I use as an insert for night to keep the disposable diaper stuff off my body, etc. I guess that can be a little bit supportive ?

[Moochie]

My wife accepts that diapers are a part of who I am, but she does not participate.

[deewet]

My wife understands my issues with wetting, based on the many years I have been going regularly to a Urologist, and his prognosis.  He has told me that as I get older, my bladder control will weaken, as all the signs are there, but is happy that I have found ways to work with current issues.

It started with the dribbles, causing me to use pads during the day which she helped pick out.  I also have OAB, needing to go a lot especially in the morning after my meds and coffee.  On several occasions, I have really tested out my day time pads, as they took care of more than dribbles on the way to a bathroom.

When I wet the bed one night about a year ago, she agreed that I should wear "better" protection to bed and I started with belted guards as they were  much better than the pads I wear in my underwear during the day.  She also agreed that after I visited a medical store, and was told about PUL diaper covers, that they were a good choice for an added layer of overnight protection and to keep the protection I was using in place.  She does actively participate in that she launders my "pants" every week, and exchanged that pair for the second that I got for backup.  

She had been asking on a regular basis how my belted guards are doing and I have told her that they are OK but I have had a couple of wet occasions where they were at their limit, and it is probably time that I improve from these to the tab briefs that the medical store lady predicted I would need.  I have started to use these now in between nights as I use up all the belted guards that I have on the shelf and the assortment of briefs that I have is being tested now and wife will probably be asking about that soon as well and I will not deceive her.  

What she does not know is that some nights I simply lay in bed and use my protection rather than get up and into the bathroom when I awake with the need, what better way to test the level of protection than that??  So far, the protection has worked as advertised.

[Jilly Poo]

Maybe a different title should include "Spouse" instead of "Wife"  and maybe an option called "Other" "Its Complicated" or "We have an agreement"  because I kept it from my HUSBAND, for many years even though I have been a lifelong diaper lover. 

When I finally told him, he was in disbelief than accepted it and even asked to play "Daddy" for me a few times.  He even asked to wear one but he could not get use to it enough to use it properly.

After several months of me occasionally wearing around the house in front of him, he became concerned that i would develop a real dependency/need for diapers or end up with kidney issues.  That made him become disapproving and he eventually started mocking me for wearing a diaper.  I guess he hoped it was a passing fancy. Its not.

I stopped asking him to participate and eventually went back to my old habit of wearing when he isn't home. 

I don't feel like I am lying to him because he knows I keep a stash of clean diapers and where to find them at any time and where i deposit my used ones.

So our arrangement is that I don't get on him for his using chewing tobacco and he doesn't mention my diapers but if at any time he wants to play "Daddy" he knows he can and how much I would enjoy it.  I would even Share and let him wear one again if he wanted to.