Ab/dl Vs. Cps

[DL_Allen]

Howdy! I am new here and have a rather serious question to ask from the folks who would know best.

I recently confessed my lifelong love of diapers to my wife, who has been amazing and supportive. We have both been working through the inevitable discussions and explorations the come from a lifestyle change like coming out.

She is still "processing" her thoughts and feelings from my coming out, and is not at all ready to join sites like this or post for herself. So, she has asked me to post requesting any comments that you may have.

One thing we both are adamant about is that my diaper wearing should remain a secret from our kids. Despite her help and cooperation regarding my playtime, she is still worried what will happen when the kids find out. I hope they never do, personally, and we are both taking steps to insure that, but nothing is certain.

In Texas, the schools and Children's Protective Services (CPS) have enormous powers of intrusion, invasion, and coercion. And, it seems everyone calls them at the drop of a hat, for anything. Kids here routinely threaten their to report their own parents to CPS over the most illogical things, like doing common chores.

My wife's biggest concern regarding my love of diapers is that my secret would be outed somehow, someone would say something to the wrong someone else, and CPS or the police could/would end up involved. I am no pedophile, and she knows this... but we both know the people's first reactions to AB/DL are to assume it has something to do with molesting kids (why else would every site/FAQ have to say otherwise?)

My house has already been investigated by the police once, when one of my kids cut their hand rather badly on some broken glass. And, despite having a background investigation at work, and no illegal vices, it was still disquieting to have already suspicious cops poking around into everything.

So, her fears of Big Brother have a practical basis. And, Houston is known for its shoot-first, shoot-some-more, shoot-again, and forget the questions approach to legal intrusion.

So, my questions:

Has anyone been investigated by the police or CPS for child-related problems that led to "official involvement" in your life, personally?

Did they search your home? Did they find anything? If they did, what happened?

Did you lose custody temporarily? permanently?

[pctrasher]

Hey, worst case scenario is that something happens and your place gets searched for 'problems' preventing you from properly raising your children. We all know that they go overboard sometimes and it should be narrowed down to only child abusers/sex offenders, but yea that kind of thing does happen to the best of people, though the chances are slim. So, if your stash and secret do get discovered and outted like that, then you can say that they're for nighttime use and that it's purely nothing more than medical. From there, the case should be dropped on that subject. I don't have any experience with kids since I'm only 20, but I've read up on some threads in here that are along the topics of "should I tell the kids?" and stuff. Mostly people say no, and I have to agree with them since it's mostly sexual and has nothing to do with your children and could 'scar' them just like if they walked in on you making love with your wife. Just make sure you got locks on your doors and keep an ear out for what's happening in the house incase of emergency. I'd recommend a search for those threads though.

[Diseased88]

hey DL_Allen. While nothing like this has happened to me personally, it has happened to my fathers fiance. In NJ we have DYFS (Division of Youth and Family Services) and while they aren't as intrusive as you make CPS out to be, the children are taught to call them if there even spanked! My best advice I can give you is try to keep it as private as possible (I don't know if its in your means, but perhaps doing this at a local hotel?) And try to teach your children that if they call them over silly things like chores or discipline, that the CPS will take them away for ever (scare'm if you have to, because it is scary.)

Good luck!

[nappyloon]

That sounds so bad that it makes this country look very tame !

Do not forget the "medical angle" should you be pushed into a corner and have to come up with something, as after all this is a private matter between two consenting adults what possible interest can it be to any authorities ??

Good luck with your future and I hope it all works out for the best.

[Repaid1]

WARNING THIS IS A LONG TRUE STORY!

We have the same thing here in Ohio. Yes, I had a very difficult run in with them. My new Mommie/Wife came with two small(er) children from her previous marriage. Now it certainly didn't take them long to start accepting me from the onset. As time went on and I took her hand in Marriage (and she adopted little me) the kids grew alot closer to me. No they have never seen me or know about me or never will.

Out of the Blue one day one of them called me Daddy. I about freaked out inside, I said nothing to them but took her aside later that night and we had a discussion.

I told her that I believed it was to soon, and that litteraly it just "creeped" me out. I also have children from a previous, but they live in another state. I felt as though I was letting my own children down, but then she floored me with a response. She informed me that he was never really a father to them and she left him for cheating on her. Since that time he barely visited them and never paid child support. So I gave in, and told myself you are their daddy just not their father. (Hang with me I'll get there)

So, one time when they were speaking to him on the phone (oh yes when he found out she was married...ect.). They made the mistake of referring to me as "daddy" he blew the hell up and we had to hang the phone up as the little girl was crying from the confusment and his language. Okay the story and to the end this "book".

Two weeks later he asked for a weekend stay which we concented on. he decided to take over the biggy daddy roll. He thought that his 6 year old son was to "big" to use training wheels and removed them from his bike and proceded the "daddy" role to teach him to ride a bike properly. Well needless to say, I sure he took a couple of good falls, but thats how it works right? When he did make it home the first thing our daughter said was "look at the big bruise on his back" We lifted his shirt to see a rather larger bruise on his back shoulder blade.

That's when we got the story or the training wheels. I just shrugged it off having "been there". So forward two more weeks. He the kids went with him again. Nothing to report. Then a knock at the door a day or two after they returned. Child Protective Services at the door. I was like WTF!

After I found out that they were there to investigate the Bruise, I explained what had happened. They were confused when they talked to the kids cause they kept using "Daddy" to disscribe both of us. I thought I had them cleared up on the whole thing telling them that HE was the one who basically caused it and its a simple part of growing up, yeah less a suit of Armor. We explained that he was insainly jealous of our marriage and me in particular.

The gentelman said that was a fairly common subject. He just toured their bedrooms and the kitchen for food and out the door he went saying I'll turn this in and clear it up."

One week later two more returned to the house, and in full force questioning the kids for more than a hour a piece, returned with their results. We were put on probation not allowed to spank the children during the 6 month period, random unannonced visits basically we felt like criminals for just being parents they told the children in secret to never worry about calling them and to do it a a moments notice and that if we spanked to call from school.

I must say here that I had only spanked the boy(6) twice and never the girl (10). If you must know I repainted the whole house and he had a bad way of taking markers and crayons on the walls, I had a firm discussion with him that he had plenty of coloring books so the walls weren't to be touched, he did it three times the third time I spanked. The other was for doing a stabbing motion with the rounded scissors at school. He was suspended from Kindergarden and I spanked him when he got home.

From then and there whenever we got the children home from their fathers, for the night time bath they were inspected by their mother. The boy was shoved into a burning grill by his father giving him a burn on his forearm and was hit with a belt. We took pictures and documented it and made the call.

CPS showed up a WEEK later. By the time they were done interigating the kids it somehow was our fault again. This went on for at least 7 months until our appointed Gestapo went on leave and we got a replacement. By this time my wife was a nervous wreck crying almost daily. The kids were totally out of control, I had begun drinking after work to avoid coming home till after they went to bed. We explained everything in great detail to the new social worker, she and my wife had a silent discussion for a long time (mind you this lady was only 22) . She gave me a hearty good bye and left.

Two days later we received a letter from her saying she was going to the court to have us released from supervision. two weeks later she greeted us at the door and she signed us out of supervision. We later found out that "HE" has a family member in another county in Social services. While we are Free all of our attempts to inquire about him and his activitys are falling on deaf ears. They feel we are just trying to get even I guess. So I say this to you, the diapers are what they are underware for you at nighttime between you and your wife. Don't ever take your innocence for granted. IMO and I have talked to Many Friends in simular situations, CPS doesn't help the children they should and destroys the familys they shouldn't. Best of luck and I hope no body has to go through what we did. Sorry so long I had to get it off my chest and YES, I do feel Better

[enfant]

In all my years hanging out in ABDL communities I only remember hearing of one case where CPS both took an interest in someone's diapers and (temporarily) took away her children... and it seemed fairly clear to me just from reading what she wrote and the way she wrote it, she was suffering from a mental illness, or possibly an addiction, at the time, the children probably weren't safe, and the CPS people probably saw the diapers as a relatively minor star in a big bright constellation.

DL_Allen, I can't say you'll never have the kind of problems your wife is afraid of; never is a very long time. I can say, though, that I think it's very, very unlikely, as long as you aren't involving your children in your sex life or endangering them in some way.

Personally, I keep all my "supplies" in a wicker hamper in the back of my closet. When it's open, the stuff in there doesn't really look all that different from the clothes and towels you'd expect to see in a wicker hamper in the back of a closet. My 5yo has never even glanced at it, and I really have no worries about a social worker ever doing so. But if I were more worried, I might put the hamper up on a high shelf, or invest in a footlocker and keep it latched.

(Of course, I live in a nice big blue state, and Texas is the place where you can get arrested for possession of dildos. So your mileage may vary, I suppose. But I wouldn't worry about it.)

[rusty pins]

By all means, do not let your kids know about your diaper lifestyle! If you have to have your diaper/baby time when they are home, do it all behind a locked bedroom door, otherwise wait until they are gone to do it. Also make sure all your diapers and any baby stuff is locked up in a trunk hidden in your bedroom where there is no way the kids can get into it. When the kids are gone from home, make sure they won't come home unexpectedly and catch you in the livingroom in your diapers and baby stuff. If anyone has kids, they should be the most important thing to you, and any possibility at all that they can be harmed or taken from you for reasons of a lifestyle that most people still don't understand should be eliminated completely. Have fun, enjoy your diaper and baby time but be very very very careful to keep it from your kids and anyone else who could do you harm with the knowledge.

[Vile-J]

Well Im in Salt Lake City Utah ...and long story short they sound almost as bad as cps in texas.

Me and my wife had a run in with them as well DFS as there called Dept. of Family services ......more like family enders fricken assholes. Anyways My son is 5 going on 6 we recently bought him his first motorcycle it is a 2007 pw 50 well begging of the year we started teaching him to ride it he took some spills and got some bruises and such. Well we dropped him off at daycare and they turned us in.

Even after they were told how he got scratched and bruised and he told them the same thing 2 weeks later they come bursting in our house and ransack the place and they found nothing ....exept my diapers ..im DL but my diapers are stacked nicely in my dresser drawer with some boosterpads wipe's powder and various rash oinments and I always have an extra bag sitting in plain veiw in the top of my closet. They questioned us on all sorts of things just hammerd us. Never said jack about my diapers for the most part, they did kind of ask who's they were and I simply replied that was of no concern of his but If he must know there mine. he asked why and I said a wet diaper is better than a wet bed yes ? It must have slightly embaressed him becasue not one more word was said about my diapers.

[AutieAB]

This thread does nothing to change my (pre-existing) opinion that social workers have way too much power and nowhere near enough common sense and sensitivity to use their power appropriately.

[crys_138]

Seeing all these replies is why when I decide it's time to "grow up" a little, as it were, and adopt a child or multiple children, I sure as hell won't be doing so in the States. I've seen some of the horrors. Down here, the gestapo social workers are known as OCS, and if they even sniff a hint of "child abuse", you're simply screwed. (Unless you're rich, then they don't give a damn.) My sister had been threatened by them many times, not over abusing her kids, but supposedly being a drug addict.

Yeah, most cases, they do have too much power. It's total garbage.

HOWEVER... one thing I'm not worried about them giving me a hard time over is the diapers. If I'm just using and they give me a hard time, I'll just tell them "NOYFB." (Decode it yourself...) If I were using for some sexual gratification, then I'd do the same with that as I would with anything else sexual... FAR out of sight of the kids and there shouldn't be a problem.

[diapernh]

repaid1, i do hope that your situation clears itself up. I cannot even begin to imagine what you and your wife were/are going through.

[jenniebear]

While i understand everyones frustration at the inconsistencies and sometimes poor judgements of some child protective services....and have seen some of the same in my own home state of Illinois

i've worked closely with them in my profession...i know their dept to often be under staffed, and underpaid....which isn't an excuse to destroy anyones life....but remember......they exist for a very important reason............and while they may not always make the best judgement call every time........they may at the exact same time have a "case" where they are saving the life of a child....

i've reported on many "suspected" child abuse situations.........i am a mandated reporter.....and as a mandated reporter...it isn't my job to decide if my suspicions are accurate or false....but believe me....i could not live with myself if the child i was suspicious about because they had an "unusual" bruise went home and died that night from an abusive situation.

all i have thought to tell parents who've found out that the call came from me....and it was unfounded.........was if the incident were with another child in my care...and they'd seen the same "evidence" i had.........they would of expected me to make that call........

it's never an easy call to make.......it isn't taken lightly.......and if and when i do make a call.........i carry that responsibility very "heavily".....

i agree that diapers in ones home are a personal thing, and if kept in the privacy of ones bedroom and used with descretion and in a responsible manner....it is only your business............i would find it hard to believe that a child protection worker would feel any differently........diapers exist for a reason other then a fetish.....and most will not tie that fetish to them unless you act in an inappropriate manner

[willow]

If you have even a hint of this, or if you are divorced or separated, get a good lawyer.

My soon to be ex-wife is holding my personal interests over my head like an axe. Unfortunately (for her) I have extremely competent council and a collection of Polaroids that would make her squirm. The bottom line, from my attorney, is that the courts couldn't care less unless there's an allegation that it involves the children. Even bringing it up with no relevance would probably irritate the judge.

If it's any consolation, after the abject humiliation of having to tell my (female) attorney of some of my habits, she reassured me I was the 5th DL she'd helped divorce this year. Her words:, 'Is that it? No problem.'. Apparently there's people that make us look normal. If you're in south Fla. and need a family attorney, let me know.

Bottom line. Defend yourselves. Act pro-actively. Everyone has skeletons.

[LordOfKarma]

reading some comments here i cannot help but make a strong relation to Nazi Germany. the OP: "In Texas, the schools and Children's Protective Services (CPS) have enormous powers of intrusion, invasion, and coercion. And, it seems everyone calls them at the drop of a hat, for anything. Kids here routinely threaten their to report their own parents to CPS over the most illogical things, like doing common chores."

If you read stories about Hitler's youth you know what im talking about. This was also depicted in Orwell's 1984.

your government is ridiculous .. you guys need to stand up and make some changes b4 it is too late.

[Toddler Sissy]

reading some comments here i cannot help but make a strong relation to Nazi Germany. the OP: "In Texas, the schools and Children's Protective Services (CPS) have enormous powers of intrusion, invasion, and coercion. And, it seems everyone calls them at the drop of a hat, for anything. Kids here routinely threaten their to report their own parents to CPS over the most illogical things, like doing common chores."

If you read stories about Hitler's youth you know what im talking about. This was also depicted in Orwell's 1984.

your government is ridiculous .. you guys need to stand up and make some changes b4 it is too late.

In a country where the majority of people who can vote are too apathetic to do so, or are too disillusioned with their own government to bother, change is easier said than done. Their initial answer is "I can't change it, why bother?", and after I've argued with these people till I was blue in the face over it, all I've heard after I proved to them how irresponsible their attitude was is "I don't care,". America is rapidly losing the desire to protect anything the citizens value.

As for the original topic, the whole country seems to have outrageous problems with social workers. I have a friend who had to fight to keep custody of his children, despite extensive evidence that his ex-wife was a drug addict, convicted felon, and the fact that he originally got custody of the kids when she dropped them off at his house without warning and disappeared (one of the children she abandoned wasn't even his!). It took a ridiculous amount of fighting to get the courts to agree that the drug-addicted abusive mother was an unfit person to care for them, and although a miniscule amount of child support was ordered from her, she hasn't paid anything and no legal action is being pursued against her, despite being months and months behind on her payments (she hasn't sent a dime yet).

Everyone has horror stories involving some branch of social services, and one wonders what can be done to fix the system. I will say this though, as the child of a county sheriff's officer, I have heard of some pretty horrific situations children were rescued from. Having seen both extremes, I can't really say for certain where I stand on the whole issue.

[anned]

I have dealt with many abuse cases as a EMT.

One common thing i have seen is one parent in a divorce trying to set up the other.

The first thing i do is talk to the child away from the parent.

The parent that wont let me do this is the one that i write the report on. Even if they are the one that called.

If i ran into a kid that was complaining about doing chores or something stupid like that i am not going to report the parent but i will report the child's attempt.

I have been called many times by child protective services to check children out. One thing i have found is that a few child protective service people are a real pain. Some have refused to allow me to talk to the child alone. THIS GETS REPORTED TO MY BOSS. AND THE COUNTY MEDICAL DIRECTOR.

When this happens i file my report with my boss, there boss and not with them. and i have filed a few reports that have caused CPS people problems instead of the parents.

My reports cover ALL parties involved.

If i am called CPS cannot file my report away and forget about it if they don't like what i put in my report.

A parent that wears diapers if it does not involve the child would not be in my report. I DO NOT CARE WHY THEY WEAR THEM.

In calif if a EMT is involved in a child abuse case we are independent we do not take orders from ANY other agency. There have been a few CPS people that though that we would do what they wanted. They quickly find out that is not the case.

[DprDJeff]

CPS has a lot of really bad workers to tell the truth. I can't speak for other areas, but where I live unqualified welfare recipients are sent to week long training seminars and then put to work as social workers. Some are just plain lazy and others are far too overzealous. It really is a shame they chose to work things this way, but not much can be done without a huge public outcry.

As for examples of their ineptitude, I have a couple...

The first time I had a run in with them was with my stepdaughter. She was 6 years old at the time and while at school she was bragging about how her daddy(me) could fart with his face. Yes, kids think the oddest things are great and Yes, she was referring to a simple razzberry farting noise people make when teasing kids. The problem was her teacher misheard what she said and insisted that she claimed her daddy was farting in her face. Ridiculous, I know. Well, even after she tried to correct the teacher, she called CPS who promptly decided to take my stepdaughter into foster care until I could be investigated. After the Sheriff spoke with both myself and my stepdaughter, they laughed it off and actually yelled at the CPS worker for being so stupid.

The second time was during my divorce. This time it was not a social worker, but a judge. My ex-wife told the judge all about my diaper fetish when we were arguing about custody. He basically told me I was disgusting and asked me if I would be willing to get professional help in order to even have visitation rights. I responded by telling him all about how my ex-wife had a fetish for being spanked so hard it left bruises on her ass and legs for weeks at a time. To this he responded by asking if I was admitting to beating my wife in court. No win situation. I refused to get psychiatric help and ended up going to another court and another judge to have the custody order overturned. When the fetish conversation came up in his courtroom, he simply stated "What you do in your own bedroom is your business". I ended up getting joint custody of my son and visitation with my stepdaughters.

[diaperpt]

Dear DL_Allen,

The discussion has clearly gone far afield to address CPS, as it is called in your state. In some cases they do go overboard - and once I saw you were from Texas the cynic in me immediately thought, "Oh no! Texas! He'll be executed!"

Isn't it a shame that social services are so understaffed and underworked that it seemingly can't protect children in some cases and is overzealous in some situations. This may be in part due to the understaffing, which in turn probably creates a hardship in recruiting good, intelligent, qualified people.

Regardless of that - I have to say that at age 59 I look back to my own childhood - no, I didn't draw with crayons on the wall, but when I got to be a little older there was NOTHING in the house I didn't know about. I found my father's stash of 'dirty' books - I'd explored every drawer in every dresser - I knew exactly what was in the attic and everything in the cellar as well. If either of my parents had tried to hide anything, I'd have known. This I'm sure is not true of all kids - but, you ought to be aware that kids may be like that. Of course, by the time I was doing this, I was at least in my early teens since I had to have been left at home alone to explore. What would I have done if I'd found a stash of diapers at that age? I don't know - I'd have been caught in between mortification of knowing they were there and dread fear of saying anything to my parents because I'd been snooping!

I'd say two things: 1. you something VERY special between you and your wife. Be sure to appreciate what she is willing to do for you in terms of the diapers, etc. Go slow and enjoy it together - make it about the two of you and not just about you and your diapers.

2. be VERY careful around the kids - its amazing how kids hear things they aren't supposed to hear, see things they aren't supposed to hear, find things they aren't supposed to find...

Good luck! Sounds like you've got a good thing going!!

diaperpt