DL_Allen

Howdy! I am new here and have a rather serious question to ask from the folks who would know best. I recently confessed my lifelong love of diapers to my wife, who has been amazing and supportive. We have both been working through the inevitable discussions and explorations the come from a lifestyle change like coming out. She is still "processing" her thoughts and feelings from my coming out, and is not at all ready to join sites like this or post for herself. So, she has asked me to post requesting any comments that you may have. One thing we both are adamant about is that my diaper wearing should remain a secret from our kids. Despite her help and cooperation regarding my playtime, she is still worried what will happen when the kids find out. I hope they never do, personally, and we are both taking steps to insure that, but nothing is certain. In Texas, the schools and Children's Protective Services (CPS) have enormous powers of intrusion, invasion, and coercion. And, it seems everyone calls them at the drop of a hat, for anything. Kids here routinely threaten their to report their own parents to CPS over the most illogical things, like doing common chores. My wife's biggest concern regarding my love of diapers is that my secret would be outed somehow, someone would say something to the wrong someone else, and CPS or the police could/would end up involved. I am no pedophile, and she knows this... but we both know the people's first reactions to AB/DL are to assume it has something to do with molesting kids (why else would every site/FAQ have to say otherwise?) My house has already been investigated by the police once, when one of my kids cut their hand rather badly on some broken glass. And, despite having a background investigation at work, and no illegal vices, it was still disquieting to have already suspicious cops poking around into everything. So, her fears of Big Brother have a practical basis. And, Houston is known for its shoot-first, shoot-some-more, shoot-again, and forget the questions approach to legal intrusion. So, my questions: Has anyone been investigated by the police or CPS for child-related problems that led to "official involvement" in your life, personally? Did they search your home? Did they find anything? If they did, what happened? Did you lose custody temporarily? permanently?

Howdy from Texas! I am male, 36 years old, and married with kids. I wet and messed my pants daily until mid-teens, with occasional accidents even today. I wet my bed until my early twenties. From early days I was on my own cleaning up after an accident in my pants. But my dad and step-dad did not take the bed-wetting well at all, with my step-dad spanking me, humiliating me, and diapering me, in cycles. My real dad forced me into diapers for trips to visit the family, and occasionally at home, but mostly resorted to plastic sheets or bed protectors. School was the worst, because of the accidents. My parents were too poor to do much about my problems, except spank me in frustration and hope they went away. My little sister was still in diapers when I was 5-6, and I would occasionally sneak hers for a "dry night". It was so nice to sleep knowing that I would not be in trouble, yelled at, spanked, or anything else when I woke up. I even got to love the feel of wetting my diaper while in bed, knowing that it would have happened anyway, and knowing it wasn't soaking the bed and setting me up for a horrible morning. One day, while playing at the neighbor's house across the street, their teenage babysitter suggested we all play a game which involved us wearing diapers. I jumped at the chance and played along. It was a lot of fun, especially with the attention of the older girl, mothering us. Later, I realized that her wiping, powdering, and diapering us was probably some form of sexual molestation, but, I really didn't care at the point I figured it out. While we were all playing "baby", my parents knocked on the door and called me home, for some imagined problem. They were right there, and I didn't have time to change out of the diaper. I hoped I could sneak it home under my jeans, but my mom caught me halfway across the street, and tanned my rear good with a paddle once we got home. But, I knew that I loved the diapers because they meant I was "safe" from an accident in my pants or bed. I also knew I wouldn't quit trying them. But, after being caught with my friend's babysitter, I learned to be much sneakier stealing diapers, or making my own from tape, trashbags, and towels when I was desperate. The extreme attitudes of my parents, and the laughing from friends, other family, and such always made me feel ashamed or dirty for enjoying diapers. In high school, I experimented with tons of other types of sexplay, because, in my mind, none of it was as "dirty", "kinky", or "shameful" as my love of diapers. I had boyfriends, girlfriends, cross-dressed, and even briefly looked into actually becoming a woman. But all of that did not make my feelings for diapers disappear. In the end, I stopped cross-dressing and dating guys, and settled down to just dating women, without sneaking their clothes. Once I moved out of my parents (at 17), I was too poor to afford diapers at first. Once I could, I was too scared to buy them anyway, fearing what the clerks and other store people would think. I can't tell you how many girlfriends I lost through shame and embarrassment of wetting their beds accidentally while sleeping over at their place. But, eventually, I managed to sleep dry through the night without diapers... I just had to wake up every 90 minutes or so and go. In the early 90's, I found internet newsgroups with diaper pictures, which renewed my interest in diapers, but always in secret. Through pictures, I explored my love of diapers as best I could "remotely". In the late 90's, I met my future wife. I knew I loved her from the start, so I told her everything I had ever experimented with sexually... except my love of diapers. Strangely, I swear to this day that I had. We got married, and a couple of years went by with the usual marriage ups and downs... then she caught me masturbating to internet pictures of girls in diapers. I killed the viewer when the door started to open, but not fast enough. I could tell she had seen something, but not how much she had recognized. I felt like I was going to die, but she just closed the door quickly and walked away. It was never mentioned again, thankfully. But, I instantly purged everything from my computer in case she went snooping. While married, I have gone through cycles where I don't think about diapers, and then times when I do. I have always suppressed these thoughts as best I can, for the sake of a "normal marriage" to a woman I loved so much, who had already accepted me as me, knowing about (I thought) everything I had experimented with as a kid. Then, when I turned 30, we began talking about having kids, which scared me a lot. The temptations of so much baby stuff around the house was going to make stuff a lot worse. But, she ended up pregnant, and off we went on the big adventure. At the hospital, I realized that the baby diapers and such could be "totally separate" from my fantasies, because I knew about all of the adult diapers out there, thanks to the pictures. So, all the baby gear around was not nearly the problem I expected. So, the next time my interest flared up, I finally worked up the nerve to buy a bag of Depends at the local grocer, cash only (to avoid credit card traces). Getting the cash was a problem because my wife manages the finances, and we have to watch things so closely, a single bag of diapers would show up instantly. But once I had saved some cash, I waited until it was almost closing time, went in, kept my head down to stay off the store cameras as much as possible, and grabbed a bag. I paid for them at the cashier while staring at my shoes. But, the guy at the register didn't look twice or say anything. No one stared at the obvious Depends in the almost transparent plastic store sack. So, I took the depends home in the trunk, waited until dark, and smuggled them in and hid them. When everyone was away, I tried them and loved it! It was such a great feeling inside to be back in plastic disposables, even though they weren't those great feeling and smelling 70's Pampers. Every chance I could, I would tape on a diaper while everyone was away. Then the guilt and shame kicked in, and I eventually purged everything again, throwing away about half of the bag of Depends, and went back to the occasional look at pictures on the Internet. Then, my son started having bed-wetting problems and the occasional daytime accident which brought back all of those memories when I was his age. My wife was amazing with him, and I tried to be everything my parents weren't when it came to dealing with it. I don't really know why, except maybe seeing how understanding my wife was with our son and a sensitive subject, but when we left for a long vacation out of town, I confessed to her that I still had one big secret, and what it was. She was amazing! She had wondered, based on the picture she had caught me looking at years ago, and a recent episode of CSI she had seen. The entire drive to our vacation spot was spent talking about me wanting to wear diapers. Over the next week, we talked anytime we could (without little ears overhearing), and she said she accepted that I wanted to wear diapers, even if she couldn't understand the desire to! I could not believe my luck. Over the vacation, she began researching adults and diapers, without me knowing, while the rest of a normal vacation went on. When she was ready, we had a long talk about exactly what I was interested in (and not), and I answered her questions as completely and honestly as I could, which was incredibly hard. You develop reflexes to avoid even thinking about certain things when you are hiding a big secret, and suddenly being able to talk about it required some mental adjusting on my part too. As we talked through it, she even gave me her blessing for wearing them at home, subject to a few more-than-fair "ground rules" such as keeping it secret from the kids. Since my confession, my life has made an amazing change. For my 36th birthday, I went to a local drugstore and bought myself a pack of Depends to "get started" fully exploring my love of diapers until I could order and try various brands from Internet sites. Finally, someone knew my secret that I had held for 30 years! I have never loved my wife more than when I was able to share myself so completely with her, and she accepted it without being judgemental, or upset. In fact, in many ways, she is happy to finally know what it was that I was "holding back" from her, and what the "emotional wall" between us had always been. So that's a capsule view of how I went from emotionally battered kid who secretly snuck diapers to make himself feel better, to a wild teenage sexual experimenter, to a diaper-loving adult whose partner knows, accepts, and even encourages me to "go have fun" wearing my diapers... even if she doesn't participate or understand. The adventure continues as we both adjust to a new lifestyle. She may join here someday, to have a place to discuss her side of our story, and have a place to talk with others who understand, but I am not pushing. So, howdy to everyone! Thought I should stop lurking and let everyone know this community was one DL stronger.