Loss of a parent

[LilFozzyJ5]

We lost my dad yesterday, he has been very ill for many years but its still been a shock. 

[feralfreak]

11 minutes ago, LilFozzyJ5 said:

We lost my dad yesterday, he has been very ill for many years but its still been a shock. 

were you close to him? was he a good father? did he love you?

[LilFozzyJ5]

Over the years not exactly close, i joined the military and moved away. He was but we had our differences. I believe he did, but he didnt always show it

 

[feralfreak]

4 hours ago, LilFozzyJ5 said:

Over the years not exactly close, i joined the military and moved away. He was but we had our differences. I believe he did, but he didnt always show it

 

well at least yours did, many dont get that.

[DailyDi]

So sorry for your loss! Lost my step-dad a few years ago and it was rough. Has to be harder for a bio-dad! Hugs!

[Little Cub Pants]

10 hours ago, LilFozzyJ5 said:

We lost my dad yesterday, he has been very ill for many years but its still been a shock. 

Sorry for your loss buddy, may he rest in peace! Big hugs!!!!??????♥️?????

[Elfy]

I'm very sorry to hear that.

Hugs

[WetDad]

I have lost both my parents and my in-laws as well. Each was a loss, but the worst was my father-in-law, he was a truly great guy and cancer took him so slowly. I sympathize with you, it's a big loss no matter how long you have had to prepare for it.

[~Brian~]

15 hours ago, LilFozzyJ5 said:

We lost my dad yesterday, he has been very ill for many years but its still been a shock. 

@LilFozzyJ5

I want to add my condolences to the list of people who have posted to this thread. Regardless of how a parent is, whether they're healthy and then something happens, or they're sick for many many years, and then it happens, I don't think anyone is ever ready for the day or days when their parents pass away.  I have lost my grandmother Baker my grandfather Baker my aunt Julie Baker and my uncle Kenny Baker. Therefore, all of these relatives are in a line in the cemetery on the family plot. We lost my uncle in 1997 because of heroin, we lost my grandfather in 1998, and we lost my grandmother in February of 2012, and we lost my aunt Julie in April of 2017 . No matter how many times you go through what you go through, I don't think anyone is ever ready for that to happen . Regardless of how many times it happens, it still hurts and will continue to hurt regardless of who it is . The only time it really doesn't hurt that much is if you understand that someone is very very sick, and then they don't have to deal with pain anymore.

it doesn't really matter one way or the other, because regardless of what happens, you will deal with the pain and the loss and the feelings that you deal with, and regardless of what happens, it will hurt. It might hurt for a long while before you're able to deal with the loss of your dad or any of your close relatives. Me and my dad and my brother James are very very close:  this is by design: I try to take care of my brother James and any of my other brothers when they need help, but James is a special guy. He knows that our father is a very special individual and each of us has our own relationship with our dad, one that is special for each of us and is unique, and we do different things with our father, and we remember the things that we do, regardless of how old we are, or how young we feel. Our dad is 75, and is dealing with health issues himself, and I know for a fact that regardless of what happens or how it happens, or how sick he is when it happens, it will still be hard, and you can be wondering in your head even if you know that someone is really sick, and you've known for a long time, you wonder is there something that you should have done, or if there is somewhere you should have gone, or if there's something you should have said:  I had that happen with a close friend of mine, and I talked to one of the people that was his confidant and one that actually was an ordained minister, and he told me that the last thing that he told him was that I was a good guy. I remember having an issue with him, and he was very upset with me or something, and I wanted to make sure that when that was being dealt with, that I was able to make peace. His friend told me that I was one of his favorites, and that I had served him faithfully from 1995 until 2003.

As I said: the hardest thing that you have to deal with is the loss of a loved one. Your mother or your father or any close relative will probably hurt the most.I don't think I've ever run into a situation where something really doesn't hit me hard . If I know somebody is sick, it is easier to be able to deal with the loss, but you still have the memories of the good times and the things you did together, or some of the bad times or the hard times that you dealt with . Regardless of what it is, sometimes you wonder is there something that I should have done or said ? I'm sure that you probably have those feelings as you process his loss , but rest assured that I send you my condolences , and I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

in closing, I'd like to say that there are special relationships that fathers have and stepfathers have, or mothers and stepmothers have with their stepchildren or their children. I remember when I was a kid, that I had my mom, and had my dad, but then of course my mom had a boyfriend, and he was a good guy, and he always looked after me and made sure that I did what I was supposed to do, and he was like a father to me for many years period regardless of what happens though, my dad was always there for me, even when my mom thought he wasn't. One thing that I always remember is that a father and a stepfather or a mother and a stepmother have unique relationships and unique things that they may do with you, or do to help you. For example my stepdad his named Gary. Gary and I have a unique relationship, because there are things that I would do with him, that I wouldn't do with my mom, or I wouldn't do with my dad. They are unique to him and I, and there is times when he does awesome things, or we do things together. One of the things that we used to do a lot was to ride on the motorcycle. I've ridden on a motorcycle for the last three years, but during the pandemic, we didn't get a chance to ride that much, in one year I only rode once and I hurt like crazy, so he told me to not worry about it and that we get it next year. Because of other health problems, I haven't ridden any for the last three years.

I say this because I feel very close to my step parents. If there is one thing that I can say about my stepparents: my stepdad Gary, if you looked up the word stepdad in the dictionary, you would find a picture of him. He ends up doing special things for me, he loves me, supports me, takes care of me when necessary, loves my mom and has a awesome relationship with her, and we do special things together. Our relationship is very unique, and the unique relationship is something that is separate from that with my mom or my dad or my stepmom. Each of my stepparents is unique, they do special things, or they think different ways, but The thing is, if you looked up the word stepdad in a dictionary, you would find his picture, if you looked up the word stepmother in the dictionary, you would find my stepmother's picture. These people are incredible, they are supportive, and they always have my back. Even when I disagree with them, they always seem to have my back, and they always seem to think sometimes in ways you don't think they do, but they watch from a distance, and it is very interesting to see what happens.

Again: I am sorry to hear about your loss: losing someone is hard, regardless of when it happens, but please know that I am praying for you and I hope that the Lord gives you the blessing and the strength and the wisdom to be able to handle this situation. I've always been told that God never gives you a challenge that you cannot handle, and I learned that from a couple of pastures that I've dealt with over the last five to 10 years. Please know that I hope that you gain a blessing from the Lord and hopefully he will be watching over you, and always know that your stepdad may be gone, but his spirit will always be with you regardless of where you are, what you're doing, or when you're doing. I've also learned that if you see a cardinal, that means that someone that you have lost that you love, is very close by.Your stepdad may be gone physically , but he will never leave your heart or your head, and anytime you see a cardinal you will know that he is close by watching over you and protecting you.

my sincere condolences!

Brian

[DiaperMeForever]

My dearest condolences and deepest empathy for your loss. I lost my Father when I was 18. It's a pain that still burns everyday, but knowing you have a "brother/sister in arms" who knows how you feel is what keeps me going. If you would ever like to talk, please don't hesitate to PM.

[LilFozzyJ5]

Thank you everyone, i just got home from visiting my brother (my dad was staying with him since we lost mum). Cant do a lot of the admin side of things until we have a death cert, still waiting to see if an autopsy is needed.

 

[LilFozzyJ5]

Thing took a turn for the worst, i found out that five years ago, my dad wrote me out of his will, giving everything to my brother and signed the house over to him. No one spoke to me about it until two weeks ago, when my brother let it slip about the house and then finally allowed me to see the will.

I feel broken, lost, abandonded, hurt and confused... what did i do. Its not even about the money, its about the sense of abandonment and betrayal.

My fathers funeral is tomorrow, on rembrance day... i wont be going and i have broken all ties with my brother... he got what he wanted. I AM NOW ALONE

[oznl]

18 minutes ago, LilFozzyJ5 said:

Thing took a turn for the worst, i found out that five years ago, my dad wrote me out of his will, giving everything to my brother and signed the house over to him. No one spoke to me about it until two weeks ago, when my brother let it slip about the house and then finally allowed me to see the will.

I feel broken, lost, abandonded, hurt and confused... what did i do. Its not even about the money, its about the sense of abandonment and betrayal.

My fathers funeral is tomorrow, on rembrance day... i wont be going and i have broken all ties with my brother... he got what he wanted. I AM NOW ALONE

I can remember chatting (socially) with a family lawyer who once told me that to have a parent (or parents) play “favourites” when distributing their estate amongst their children was almost inevitably a kind of posthumous social hand-grenade that blew apart the extended family they left behind.

I know that I’m on the wrong end of one of these asymmetric parental wills.  It was revised (without telling me - I found out by accident) a few years ago to leave pretty much all of the estate exclusively to one favoured child.  The bequest to the rest of us will be to clean up the rubbish.  Ironically, the more they try and compensate for this particular sibling’s persistently poor life choices at the expense of the others, the more alienated she has become within the family.  I am convinced that when the others discover their final exclusion, that will be the end of any kind of relationship.  

Despite the rational part of my brain telling me that I don't need any free wealth, that my parents have always behaved unevenly towards their progeny and that I should follow principle and rise above this, the whole rejection thing still eats away acid-like at my lizard-brain.

So you have a lot of my sympathy for this, as well as your loss.  Partly because it's a sucky place to be and partly because I know I'm going to be there myself before too long.

For the record, my beloved and I are very much on the same page with this.  Our wills are done.  All wealth will be distributed between our kids on a strictly even-Steven basis.

[feralfreak]

in 07 i was told my father died(knowing him, i doubt it, but at least he hasnt shown his face around here, or id make him honest for the first time), he left a will that specifically excluded his kids, he did it just to hurt us and mom for not staying to take his abuse, if you have a chance to fight the will, i recommend it, in our case we werent so lucky, the executor screwed us(and she WAS a friend of the family, keyword WAS, now i hope she is burning in hell), look for a probate attorney, but if you cant, then at least you know where others stand, if they are going to be toxic, you dont need that type in your life

[LilFozzyJ5]

Thanks guys, i could try to fight it, make waves. But it would extend the toxic feelings and i just want it all to be finished... i dont have any family anymore, full stop