To tell or not to tell…International Travel staying with friends…

[abdldiaperedbilly]

Need some help/advice on a situation I will be facing.  
Next month, I am planning to travel to Central America to visit one of my old college friends.  We are planning to stay with them for a week at their house.  Since college, when I last saw my friend, I have developed some incontinence “issues,” and both him and his wife are unaware of my condition.  It is not debilitating or anything and most times it is no big deal, as I have learned to cope.  There are plenty of times where I can and do leave the house without diapers, but it is there, and generally speaking, if I go out in public I prefer to wear a diaper for convenience and added protection.  
We are going to be going out and doing a lot of things while we are there (day trips, car and boat rides, etc.).  I am concerned that availability of restrooms at the needed times may be an issue, especially since we are not in the US any more, and would be very embarrassed if there was an “accident” that could derail activities.  Not to mention, we are planning to be fairly active so I think they wouls catch on if I was wearing a diaper all the time / have to change whilst we are out.  Additionally, we will be drinking alcohol on the trip and that makes things worse with regards to my incontinence.  I often will wet the bed if I have been drinking at all.  It sure would be embarrassing to ask them to wash the sheets if something was to happen.  

So, I am looking for advice on what The best way to approach this is.

1) Should I just tell them an take appropriate precautions.  I.e. wear diapers like normal, bed pads, etc.

2) Take discrete precautions and not say anything.  I.e. bed pad / diapers at bed time, go w/o protection during the day and hope things go well, keep spare clothes in my nap sack.  

3)Some other course of action????

I would rather not tell them if I don’t have to because of the embarrassing nature of this.

 

thanks!!!
 

[~Brian~]

@abdldiaperedbilly

if you are going to travel, the best course of action in this case is, to take everything that you would need if you are going to travel, because you know you're using diapers, and then what I would do is I would let them know exactly what the deal is.It is better to be open and honest with someone about your situation then it would be for you to go all the way over there to your friends residence, and try to hide something like this hoping that they don't catch it . I figure if you were to tell them exactly what's going on, they would be less likely to be negatively impacted , because they would already know that you are experiencing problems . I would definitely put some chair pads or bed pads down wherever you're sleeping , wherever you're sitting, or something to that effect, because you're not even sure what you will be eating, when you will be going somewhere, or any of that. If you are going to be staying with your friends , the best course of action is to let them know what is going on , and then take your protection with you .

I had an experience like this beforee and I went to my friends house: he knows I have CP, and he knows that I am incontinent, So what I did was bring a chair pad for one day, and a chair pad for another night. This way, whatever I am sitting on will not get wet, unless I overdo it. That way at the end of the night, I take my chair pad with me, pack it up and take it out. He then disposed of my incontinence brief and it was done. I also put on some Gary wear incontinence pants so I wouldn't have any problems there, so that I would be able to use the diaper without having to worry about overflow. Even if you plan it very carefully, there's always a possibility that you will leak, so don't take any chances.  I've also had another experience where one of my brothers wanted me to spend time with him this past month. I told him of my incontinence a couple years ago, so we already knew about it, and he knew about my CP already, so I just told him that I brought some chair pads so that I could sit on anything and not have to worry about leaking. I figure it's a lot easier to deal with a wet chair pad, then to deal with a wet chair seat, so therefore he won't have to deal with that. His youngest daughter is still in diapers so that is not an issue, but I still would not want to leave my brother with that type of problem, so I would be totally ready to deal with it, and he knows, so he would be able to deal with it.

What I would NOT DO is to go all the way over there, and have something happen because you had an accident, and then not tell him about it. This would be very very bad in my opinion, because then he would wonder what happened, and it's always a good idea to let someone know that you have these types of issues. This way, they are prepared for it, and can deal with it effectively, rather than you trying to hide what is obvious. The easiest way to deal with a situation like this is to come straight out and say what the deal is. If we try to hide it, or you try to play it down, you run the risk of something happening, and you may end up having upset your hosts, and this is not a good idea. I always told people that if they are going to tell a significant other of their incontinence, or whatever their desire is, that they tell the truth. Lying or covering up something that is obvious will only get you in more trouble, so it's always a good idea to be straight up and honest. It is easier if you know the person that you're dealing with, and you trust them to keep it a secret so that not everyone around you has to know. If you tell the wrong person, this can backfire on you, and then God knows what will happen, but it's always good to tell the truth so that's what I would do.

Who knows, you may find out that it's not as bad as you think, and you may have more fun that way if you don't have that worry on your mind the entire time that you were away. Wearing diapers is not a big deal, you just have to make sure that you have what you need when you're away on vacation.

Good Luck!

Brian

Edited May 15, 2022 by ~Brian~
Word edit

[rusty pins]

I say don't tell them.  If staying at their house, you should not expect your host to do things different to protect their beds.  It's your responsibility to take whatever precautions you need to make sure their bedding is safe.

I do realize that you will be traveling and out and about where the availability of restrooms may not be known.  Take what you need in something you can carry that won't raise a lot of questions.  Shoulder bag or Merse.  If questioned, explain you do have some medical issues and you have your needs with you.  No need to elaborate or say that you wear diapers.  Anyone with half a brain will make the connection but not to the full extent that you wear actual diapers.  At the most they may think you have light bladder leakage and use a guard or something.  The less they have to know, the better all the way around.  They don't need to know you are a DL or wear diapers.

[FretaBWet]

I think you should just tell them. If you really have an issue and you manage it with diapers then you should make it easy on them and yourself. If they are your friends they will understand. If the have a problem then they are not good friends. It's not that your telling them you enjoy wearing diapers. If you are open and honest with them you will not have the anxiety of them "finding out". They won't have to worry about bedding because you're managing it. This is just my opinion and I hope the trip works out regardless of what your decision is.

Hugs,

Freta

[Dubious]

I wear 24/7, so never go out without a diaper on, but I don't always pee in the diaper around family, when it can be avoided. 

Its easy to pull penis out through a leg hole of the diaper, but I need to pull pants down.
You could also pull down the diaper, but that will loosen the fit around waist and you will need something to hold up the diaper.

[BedWetMark]

I don't tell anyone, I just manage it on my own.  You'll find a way to be discreet and just make sure if you drink heavily that you've got an extra layer of protection (i.e. plastic pants or even a towel)

[Snugglebear_69]

I used to travel a lot for work and to visit family and never had a need to tell anyone. I managed it on my own as an adult. Why would anyone else need to know?

[ken2988]

I think one of the questions to ask is how old are your friends.  Incontinence is much more common when you get older, I did notice your are much younger than the normal person that has incontinence issues, so our your friend also the same age as you or older?  If they are the same age, you would most likely be better off saying nothing unless they notice while you are visiting, and then you can explain your medical issues.  If they are older (above 50) it is far more likely they have seen and know a lot of people that need to wear protection and would notice the extra padding that you are wearing, so it would be best to explain to them your medical issues when you visit.

Either way, if your friends are young or old, and you think it is likely they will notice you are wearing diapers, it may be best to tell them up front.

In my case I didn't tell anyone at all until a few years ago when I told my mom about it and we talked about my issues with needing to wear diapers full time.  During our conversation, she told me how she had to wear pads for protection for occasional leakage issues, and how she had conversations with some of her friend who all said that they normally couldn't tell if someone was wearing a pad, but normally could tell if someone is wearing a diaper.  If you have minor issues, maybe you can get away with wearing a pad or pull ups instead of a full diaper which would be far less noticeable?

When talking she even told me how she had learned when living in her retirement community (Las Ventanas) how to tell if a person was wearing diapers.  She was able to tell by the sagging of the diapers from behind, the extra padding which is more noticeable when wearing shorts or form fitting clothing, and the most noticeable for men that wear diapers is that they have a bulge in the front of their pants that makes the extra padding very noticeable.  She even mentioned when I first told her about my diapers that she had already noticed I wore diapers, but didn't want to say anything to me about it.

If you do feel that you can tell your friends about wearing diapers, the best part about it is you no longer need to worry about hiding it from them and can be free to enjoy your visit.  

[ValentinesStuff]

Be prepared to tell them, but don't bring it up. Don't ruin their furniture either.

[abdldiaperedbilly]

Arggggh….first thanks everyone for your feedback…I really appreciate it. Unfortunately you guys are offering different view points, and all have great logic and reasoning behind your points.  
To clear a couple of issues:

1) I do intend to bring protection and will be a respectful and gracious guest.  
2) I am in my mid 40’s and they are the same age.

3) I plan to carry a bag with me pretty much all the time for general purpose use, hold my camera, carrying water, snacks, sundries, supplies, and for souvenirs.  So I am comfortable with it holding a change of clothes and diapers as well.

I understand the point to just tell them and clear the air if/before an elephant shows up.  Overall, I think that it would ease the stress of having to “hide” / be extremely discreet with regards to this. However, I do not want them to have to change things to have to be overly accommodating.  
additionally, typically I am very discrete with regards to wearing diapers in public, and I would say a typical by standard wouldn’t even know anything different.  Unfortunately, we will be in close quarters, and spending a lot of time together, doing various activities.  They could possibly notice.  If that were to happen, they probably wouldn’t say anything because they are adults and my friends.  Albeit embarrassing, I think I would be prepared to tell them about my issues, if I was “found out.”  
you guys bring up a good point about not knowing what I am eating or drinking or when a bathroom may be available.  That all scares me to think I will want to have the needed protection.  
maybe I spin that a little and tell them up front that I have sensitive intestinal/bladder with regards to an altered diet.  I don’t necessarily have to go into the diaper/protection issue, but that would be an out / explanation if they were to happen to notice that I was wearing a diaper / pad.

once again thanks for your feedback.  Maybe I am making this more of a deal then I should.  However, I want to do the right thing so that we are all able to throughly enjoy our vacay and time together.
 

[rusty pins]

14 hours ago, abdldiaperedbilly said:

1) I do intend to bring protection and will be a respectful and gracious guest.  
2) I am in my mid 40’s and they are the same age.

3) I plan to carry a bag with me pretty much all the time for general purpose use, hold my camera, carrying water, snacks, sundries, supplies, and for souvenirs.  So I am comfortable with it holding a change of clothes and diapers as well.

I do not want them to have to change things to have to be overly accommodating.  Additionally, typically I am very discrete with regards to wearing diapers in public, and I would say a typical by standard wouldn’t even know anything different.  Unfortunately, we will be in close quarters, and spending a lot of time together, doing various activities.  They could possibly notice.  If that were to happen, they probably wouldn’t say anything because they are adults and my friends.  Albeit embarrassing, I think I would be prepared to tell them about my issues, if I was “found out.”  
 

While I am an advocate of not telling anyone about wearing diapers unless necessary, I do see your points.  You will be bringing your protection, you will be a gracious guest and it appears you will all be spending a lot of time together.  You will also be carrying a bag with you and with all that you describe in it, I would expect it to be a pretty good sized bag.  That might qualify as "necessary" as far as needing to mention things.  It also sounds like you would be more comfortable with it out in the open and you are leaning that way.  If that is the case, I would bring it up as soon as possible, either in conversations with them before the trip or as soon as possible after getting there.  If you are keeping in touch by text, email or phone before you get there, that might be the time to mention it as it might be easier and more comfortable for you remotely rather than face to face.  "By the way, I want to let you know of one thing.  It's not a big deal but I have been having some issues with bladder incontinence.  I have been wearing "protection" and will need to have extras with me when we are out seeing the sites, but it won't cause any problems with our trip or activities.  Just wanted to give you a heads up about it so you wouldn't wonder".  Keep it low key, refer to it simply as "protection" and not "diapers".  Let them draw a conclusion in their own minds as to what you are wearing.  For all they know, it's just light bladder leakage and you are wearing either guards or pull on disposable underwear.  Answer any questions but keep it short and simple.  Go about your trip normally as if you didn't have diapers but they will at least know what's going on when you are carrying a big bag with supplies when you carry it into the bathroom all the time.  If they should happen somehow to see that you are wearing actual diapers, not a problem.  It will just change the thought in their mind that it's not disposable underwear but your issue is more than just light bladder leakage and they probably wouldn't mention it, already having the heads up about your "protection".