Getting more comfortable with buying diapers in public

[ken2988]

I have mentioned in the past in another thread that I have found it financially savvy to purchase my diapers at a thrift store, and find that I can even get a better deal when you add in discounts that can reduce the price by up to another 50%.  After a little bit of research, I have found several brands that work best for me that normally either come in packages of 16, 24, or 30.  When purchasing at the thrift stores, I normally end up looking for the larger packages in the brands I like because they typically put the same price or almost the same price on a package of 30 as they do on a package of 16.

To make a long story short, one of the Goodwill Stores (If anyone lives in the Las Vegas area, the store is located at Lake Mead near Eastern Avenue, and typically has a large selection of diapers) that I frequently visit had eight packages with 30 in each of one of the brands that I find work for me the best, since there is a 40% discount on Wednesday, I decided to purchase all of the diapers for $3.59 per package.  I have never purchased more than 2-3 packages at once in the past, so didn't think of the difficulties with purchasing this much all at once.  The first thing is that it completely filled up the entire shopping cart which is very noticeable to other people that are in the store, and I could tell that people in the store where looking at me with my cart.  The second thing is when I got in line to pay, it took about 15-20 minutes to get through the line (discount days have long lines), and there were two women in line behind me commenting about all the diapers that I was purchasing.  Normally if someone comments on me purchasing diapers I immediately say I am buying them for a family member, but for someone reason when they asked, I said it saved me a lot of money by purchasing my diapers at the thrift store. 

I ended up talking to these ladies and one of them asked if I minded telling her why I needed diapers?  I told them that I have had incontinency issues for a few years, and that I needed to wear them to keep myself dry.  The other lady said that her mom also wears diapers, but that I appear a lot younger than her mom, and she was sorry that I needed to wear diapers at such a young age.  I asked the age of her mom, and she told me she was 79 and had been wearing diapers for a couple of years since she started to need a wheelchair.  The same lady asked me how old I was when first wore diapers, and I told her I was in my mid 50's when I first started to need diapers and that I am currently 59.  By this time we had reached the front of the line and I went to the checkout person.

The cashier that I went to has seen me numerous times in the past, when I have purchased diapers, and immediately commented that I was going to save a lot of money this time on my diapers with the 40% discount.  While checking me out I told her that it is way too expensive to purchase in a regular store or online, and that when I noticed all of the diaper packages of a brand I like, I figured I should buy them all.  She commented on how she understands how expensive diapers are, and I asked her if that was from buying diapers, and she said that it was from buying diapers for her uncle that lived with her who also wears diapers full time. 

Since the diaper packages are too big for any of the bags that they had at the store, I had to put them back into the cart and push it to the front door.  Since the carts have a rod on them that doesn't allow for you to push them out the front door, I had to unpack and carry a couple at a time out to my care.  The cashier allowed me to leave the cart next to the checkout near the door and go back and forth until I got all of the packages out to my car.

I have no doubt that numerous people saw me purchasing the diapers, and I am sure that some made comments about it with other people in their party, it really doesn't bother me at all, and I actually get a small thrill by the idea of people seeing me buying the diapers for myself.

 

[rusty pins]

I buy diapers at Goodwill all the time when they have them.  Ususally their brands are 4 tape Attends and Prevail.  Sometimes McKesson and once in a while an odd brand.  Wings are simply terrible!  I did get a package of TENA Ultras, 40 per pacjage for about $6.  They had a second package but as I had never used them before, I just got the one.  I wish now I had gotten both.  you never know until you try them, but I've been stung a few times with terrible diapers.

On 1/27/2022 at 1:26 PM, ken2988 said:

To make a long story short, one of the Goodwill Stores (If anyone lives in the Las Vegas area, the store is located at Lake Mead near Eastern Avenue, and typically has a large selection of diapers) that I frequently visit had eight packages with 30 in each of one of the brands that I find work for me the best.

May I ask what brand you bought?

[ken2988]

ComfortCare made by Tranquility (the ones I purchased) or Tranquility are both basically the same thing, the only difference is the first ones are made by Tranquility for another company.  I have purchased these before and had great luck.  They are a 4 tab diaper which is the only type I like to use and I have had no issues with the tabs breaking.  I have had bad luck with the single velcro strip because they tend to pull apart, and I have found that pull ups tend to leak.  I have also purchased McKesson, but they tend to be pull ups and I have bad luck with pull ups.  I have no issue with also purchasing four tab Attends.  I have tried several other brands, but have found that some of those have issues with the tab breaking when you pull them too tight, or breaking while wearing them.

I have found so many good deals, that I now have way more diapers than I should have in stock, and my closet looks more like a diaper storage room.

[squishii]

Oh boy, I couldn't even imagine going outside to buy diapers from a real store. Personally, I just do not have the confidence to do something like that whatsoever, especially since I still live in the same area as my parents. And if they found out I wore diapers, which they probably would since they're frequently out and about, lord have mercy. And it's not just that either. It's also that I don't have a specific brand in mind for what I want, I'm someone who goes around trying different brands (although I am thinking of attempting to stick to a specific brand, leave recommendations if you wish). On top of that, the only diaper store is located in a very... well, untrustworthy part of town. The type of place I dont think anyone would want to be at, which really makes me question why someone opened a diaper shop there.

[Little Sherri]

I bought Depends and Tena diapers at pharmacies a number of times early in my "career" wearing diapers, and while I was vaguely self-conscious about it, I assumed that anyone looking at me would think they were for someone else, since I'm in my 40's. However, the first time I walked into Rearz, back when they still had a storefront, THAT was a very different situation. It took me a few visits to get comfortable going there, although the staff were always great. But when you're walking up to the counter with a bag of Bambino Classico's and a bag of Safari's, plus a couple of pacifiers, and then idly chatting about the weather while the lady rings up your purchases and puts them in a bag for you, well, it's pretty obvious what's going on.

I remember the first time I bought a pre-fold cloth diaper and some printed plastic pants, the very nice lady asked me if I'd owned a cloth diaper before, and when I said I hadn't, she said "You'll need these then", and gave me a 4-pack of pink diaper pins, no charge, and then proceeded to explain how to care for cloth diapers, and that I needed to wash and dry them a few times before they would perform at full capacity. She suggested that most people find they need about 4 per day, so, depending on how frequently I run the wash, I could determine how many I'd need if I wanted to fully convert over to cloth diapers. I turned red in the face and said that I usually wore disposables, so I was going to start with one for now, but thank you. She folded my diaper and then asked me if I wanted a bag for it, so I said yes, and when she turned and bent down to get me a black, anonymous bag, I saw that she had some kind of pull-up on, which considerably eased my discomfort. 

Once I came out to my wife, I was able to start ordering online, which has made a huge difference, but I do kind of miss that in-store experience; once I realized that nobody working at an ABDL-themed store was going to be shocked or offended by anything I bought, it was a bit liberating to just be able to talk to shop and be myself in there for a few minutes. Rearz is still great to deal with, but they don't have a storefront anymore. 

[willnotwill]

I'm way comfortable and would love if a clerk engaged me like that.    I remember being mortified back in the day if they did.    I remember one time I ordered cloth diapers from the Sears catalog and had them shipped to the catalog desk at the store (cheaper that way and avoided having my roommates inadvertently intercepting the package if it went to the apartment).     Well, this was back in the day when Sears put everything in a gray paper outer wrap.   The invoice clearly said "Adult Diaper" on it and the clerk (young woman, but older than I at the time) insisted on opening the outer package just to "make sure everything is OK."   I think she was genuinely curious.   This was way before the era of Depend TV commercials (or even their appearance in the stores).    These days, I'd have engaged her.  Then, I just wanted my package and out of there.

I also remember getting a box (this dates it) of Attends and the cashier (no barcode/automatic registers then) holding it up and shouting to the next clerk over "Is there sales tax on these?"

Of course, later on I got more comfortable.   I stopped in a drug store and bought a package of adult diapers and some baby wipes.   Making smalltalk the clerk (younger than me at this point) asked how old my baby was.   I pointed at the adult diapers and said that both items were for me.   Now it was her turn to be embarrassed.

[NannaAnnabelle]

So far I've had little success when shopping for diapers at my local Goodwill's. One just had Prevail pull-ups and nothing else. The other had nothing at all. Must say though you can't beat $3 for a pack of anything. I made the prevails work as a doubler.

I still mainly shop at drugstores for pull-ups and diapers. Mainly because I don't want to fall into the overordering trap I see lots of folks here get into. Plus I don't really have the space to store cases. I guess I've gotten over the self-conscious feelings mostly. Once in awhile it seems like I get quizzical looks but it's usually fleeting.

[Newbee]

I have bought diapers from my local shops a couple of times it stressed me out a lot so I stick to buying online

[Little Cub Pants]

4 minutes ago, Newbee said:

I have bought diapers from my local shops a couple of times it stressed me out a lot so I stick to buying online

What made you stressed about buying them in person????

[Newbee]

2 hours ago, BabySpiderBoy said:

What made you stressed about buying them in person????

My parents know too many people in my town I haven’t told them that I’m IC because I don’t want my whole family to know and my mum wouldn’t be able to keep it to herself also my husband and I also know a lot of people there is only a few people that know and that’s my husband and my two best friends who I have known forever and they are very supportive oh and everyone on here.

[Rob110]

Its amazing how we go from scared to its a not a big deal when dealing with diapers in public.  

[ozziebee]

I had a love/hate relationship with going to a specialist chemist to get a bag or two of disposable nappies. Embarassed, but excited at the same time. 

 

The first few times I ordered cases of nappies from a specialist supply company, I was quite embarrassed at the attention, but  their staff were really good, suggesting other products to help. So when I said my continence nurse was suggesting self-cathing, they gave me some brochures to think about what to get and how to self-cath.  But it didn’t eventuate. 

 

I haven’t ordered from them in a long time as my goto’s at the time (Abena and Molicare) both updated their products which destroyed them (even smaller narrower weaker tabs and thinner nappies overall). 

 

Now I just dont care what people think  Today I went into a baby store and bought cloth nappies (being used as inserts/boosters), a diaper pail and bin, and some other stuff.  

 

You do get over the shame and embarrassment.

 

[rusty pins]

There really aren't many Medical Supply stores anymore in my area (50 mile range), and the few that are really don't carry diapers, or if they do, just a low end brand.  I suspect their market has dropped since most people now are able to get a huge selection of products from many on line companies.

I always try and stop at Goodwill or thrift stores when out of town shopping or running errands.  I've found several different diaper brands but never any premium diapers like Abena, Dry 24/7 or Betterdry.  Mostly store brands and yes, it's hit and miss.  Sometimes I will go into a Goodwill and they have 12 packages or more of adult diapers in a couple different btands and sizes.  Other times I may go to that same Goodwill and they have nothing, or one Goodwill in town has lots of diapers but the other one five miles away has nothing.  Sometimes I find just Large or Extra Large, other times just Small or youth diapers.  Sometimes they only have the pull on disposable underwear and no diapers.  The advantage to out of town Goodwill shopping is I don't run much risk of running into anyone I know who will see me buying adult diapers.  That hasn't stopped me from buying diapers at my local Goodwill 3 miles from my house.

I think it's a natural feeling to be uncomfortable when you first buy yourself adult diapers in a store.  Obviously if it's one of your first times, that means you are just starting to get into wearing diapers and/or you are still pretty young, teenager or early 20's.  The more you do it the more comfortable you get over time, but some still have that, "What if I run into someone I know who sees me buying adult diapers?"  That can be very uncomfortable if it's someone you know really well and that person is well aware you have no elderly relatives or family members who are in diapers.

Years ago I did come up with an idea for people who are uncomfortable buying adult diapers in a store, such as Rite Aid, Wallgreens, CVS or places like that.  Before you leave the house, take a twenty dollar bill from your wallet and place it in a plain white envelope which you put in your pocket.  Also take a piece of paper and write something like Depends Large on it and also put that in your pocket.  When you go to the store, get things you yourself need.  Deoderant, shaving cream, candy, magazine, anything.  Then go to where the adult diapers are, pull the note from your pocket, read it and then look over the diapers and pick up the package you want.  Put them in your shopping cart.  When you check out, put all your items up on the counter except the diapers and pay with your debit card or money from your wallet.  Put the diapers up and ask that they be rung up seperately.  Then pull the envelope with the $20 from your pocket and pay for the diapers with that.  Be careful to put any change and the recipt back in that envelope.  No one in the world will expect asnything other than you are buying them for someone else like an elderly relative. 

[ken2988]

I really don't have any issues with buying diapers, been doing it for several years, and only on occasion does anyone saying anything or ask who the diapers are for, and I have found it to be easiest to just say that I need them for medical reasons.  In the past I would just say I am incontinent, but about half the time they didn't understand what I was talking about.

The one thing that I have found is that after going to thrift stores enough times and buying diapers, that there are several of the checkout people who know that I wear diapers.  I was back at the Goodwill that I purchased the eight packages at which I wrote about at the beginning of this thread, and ran into the same checker as last time, but I was buying something completely different from the diapers I had purchased before.  She asked me how all the diapers I bought from her were working out for me?

This is one of the few times that I had a red face, and she said she was sorry if she had embarrassed me with her comment.  I told her I was just caught off guard and thank you for asking.  I also said the diapers I purchased were working out great for me.

It really is nice that I don't feel as embarrassed as I did when I first started buying diapers!

[~Brian~]

On 1/27/2022 at 8:33 PM, squishii said:

Oh boy, I couldn't even imagine going outside to buy diapers from a real store. Personally, I just do not have the confidence to do something like that whatsoever, especially since I still live in the same area as my parents. And if they found out I wore diapers, which they probably would since they're frequently out and about, lord have mercy. And it's not just that either. It's also that I don't have a specific brand in mind for what I want, I'm someone who goes around trying different brands (although I am thinking of attempting to stick to a specific brand, leave recommendations if you wish). On top of that, the only diaper store is located in a very... well, untrustworthy part of town. The type of place I dont think anyone would want to be at, which really makes me question why someone opened a diaper shop there.

@squishii

When I started wearing diapers in 2019, I got the prescription from my doctor. I would get them through my local pharmacy, and these were the prevail air diapers. These “diapers” we’re no different than having bounty paper towels that you put on your butt. They always leak, and they could never be trusted, and when you are dealing with incontinence when it is really hot, the worst thing that you can do is triple or quadruple them up simply because they could give you up to 300 a month.

Three months after I started in 2019, I went to Medicaid and ask them for a real “diaper”. When they said “what do you consider a diaper” I told them to go to Rearz. ca as an example, and then told them to search for NORTHSHORE CARE, and look for their mega max. I told him that I wanted a diaper that could handle anything I could throw at it, and I told them to think of me I was totally incontinent both ways. They gave me a bunch of grief saying that I needed to go to some sort of specialist in order to prove that I was incontinent or having problems with this, and they wanted me to be tested by urologist. I refuse this, stating that my doctor is my MD, and he is the “specialist an expert in this“ because I have cerebral palsy and he knows that I have neurological problems because of my disability. I instructed the doctor when he wrote the prescription and the orders to state that I was “totally incontinent both ways“, and that I needed the best diapers possible. Since he is the one that wrote the order, and the prior authorization, and the state allowed me to get NORTHSHORE‘s, I made sure that there were the diapers that they were always getting for me, and that they would never ask me to go back down to something like a cheap diaper. A diaper is only so good as the company that makes it, and the better the diaper the dryer the person is while wearing it. The idea of having a diaper that can’t even hold two or three peas is ridiculous.

Once I was able to get a supplier, and I went through all of this ridiculousness with the state, when I’m telling me that no one sells disposable plastic backed diapers anymore, I told him that they were full of it. I told him that I knew that they still made them, but I wasn’t sure why Medicare and Medicaid would not cover these. Basically I was told that the reason for this is because they expect if you are in a caring facility that they’re going to change your diaper every two hours. They stated that because they change them every two hours, there’s no reason to have comfort come into this, and there’s no reason why someone would have to wear a diaper more than an hour. I told him that this is ridiculous, because sometimes you can’t change your diaper every two hours, and that was just a bunch of BS. I was told by Medicaid once that I was able to prove that I needed diapers, but those are the diapers that I was going to get, the ones that I asked for, and that I would never have to use the cheap ones again, simply because I was able to prove that I needed diapers that were better than that.

my supplier will order them once a month, on the 19th or so. All I have to do is call and tell her that I need them, what color I want, and she will order them. My prescription and my prior authorization say exactly what I need, and I am limited to 90 diapers a month, which is 540 diapers every six months. I guess the reason why they renew every six months is because they want to take into consideration that diaper prices could change, and that is why they do this. I was told that my color choice in NORTHSHORE mega maxes doesn’t matter, as long as the price of the diaper does not change. Was told by the company that it doesn’t matter what color it is, because the diaper price is the same.

I can understand your reluctance to want to go out and get diapers at a supermarket or A specialty store. This can be very intimidating embarrassing if you are looking for these, and your parents or someone who you know sees you. I’ve learned to deal with this myself, because very few people question me if I were to need supplies like this. Several people know if my incontinence issue, and most of them are here. Other than that, the only people that know are my doctor, I support staff, my landlord, and my case manager. I used to be afraid that someone would find out, but now it’s not a problem, because I have accepted the fact that I need them, and it makes my life a lot easier, because it also provides safety for me, because if I have to go, I don’t have  you run and try to hurt myself, and possibly lose my balance and fall. When I made the decision to go full-time in 2021, this was one of the factors that I chose to use in figuring out why. I’ve talked to several of my family members who are close to me, and they understand, and they support this decision. I grow tired of having to worry whether I have to go to the bathroom, and also grow tired of the fact that I have to get up five times a night, and spend almost 2 hours at night in the bathroom. It got so bad, that I was not sleeping very well, and after talking to many people in chat, I understand why I like what I like or why I do what I do, and I understand that there is nothing to be ashamed about or worried about. If you start ordering online, and having them shipped to your address, you take out a little bit of the “middleman problem – what I mean by that is unless someone is “snooping around“ in your house looking for something, then you have the ability to deal with it in a way that will make you feel better. I don’t worry about it anymore, because I need them, I use them every day.  At any one time there are always 10 bags of mega Max diapers in my bathroom. There are also 20 diapers are varying colors available for me to use when necessary, and I have a stash Of about 120 that I have in storage should I need them. I also carry at least 10 with me at all times on the back of my wheelchair, just in case I go to work or I go somewhere where my chair can be used. This way I have everything I need when I go to work, and I can change as many times as necessary if needed. I figure if someone sees my diapers, it’s not a big deal. My brother is been around me for years, and knows of it, and so do the rest of my brothers. I told them the reasons why, and they support me. I just get to the point where it is really ridiculous when I have to waste time simply because I have to go to the bathroom, and I don’t wanna hurt myself. My legs are weak sometimes, and I have ended up falling and hitting my head. Using diapers is also a safety feature, because at night all I have to do is make sure I have a good clean diaper on, and it lasts me all night. The only time that I would have to get up like that is if I had to use it, and clean myself up. In that case, I would immediately jump in the shower, rinse off and then dry off and put on another. Because I’ve been using diapers since 2019, I have a pretty good system, and because the state helps me pay for these, I don’t have to worry about ever running out, because my supplier will put in the renewal of all of my paperwork when it becomes necessary.

also, it depends on what type of diapers that you like to use. They say that the disposables that are plastic backed Can “mess with the environment” and they might do that, and they take 5000 years to degrade, but I would rather have plastic bag diapers then have to deal with the cloth diapers, and having to wash them. There are reasons why disposable diapers are still available, and I wish some of these companies would understand that, because using their cloth backed ones SUCK Worse than a pacifier put in backwards! Give me my mega max is any day over any cloth backed diaper!
 

Brian

[Moochie]

Back in the day I remember the embarrassment and irrational thoughts that were going through my head when I first bought diapers at a brick and mortar pharmacy. Now, there is only one medical supply store that I occasionally buy Attends Premier diapers when I am in the mood for a cloth back disposable diaper. The sales lady now knows that the diapers are for me and may even think that I simply enjoy diapers, but at this point, I just don't care...and neither does she.

[rusty pins]

10 hours ago, ken2988 said:

I really don't have any issues with buying diapers, been doing it for several years, and only on occasion does anyone saying anything or ask who the diapers are for.

Several things about cashiers in stores.  First, most view it as just a job they get paid for and they see everything from condums, K-Y Jelly, Kotex and adult diapers come across their counter daily.  Most really don't give a crap what you are buying, they are just looking forwards to their break or finishing their shift and going home. 

Second, a cashier can get themselves in trouble with a customer and their store manager asking personal questions like, "Who are these adult diapers for?"  That would be like saying to a guy buying condoms, "Expecting a big night tonight?" or a woman buying sanitary napkins, "Do these work well for your monthly flow?"  That can really get a customer upset to where they complain to the store manager resulting in the clerk getting fired.

Third, it could just be a friendly cashier, especially if it's an older women making comversation so her day will go faster and not be such a monotonous chore of just ringing up person after person all day.  She may do that with everyone meaning no harm.  It could start innocently with a, "I need to get some of these for my mother who's been having issues.  Are these a good brand?"  That is not saying, "Do you wear these?" but mearly opening the door with a seemingly innocent question to a person who probably knows about the issues of people needing diapers.  How the buyer responds may dictate future conversations for future purchases.

Fourth, it always makes me wonder when a cashier, especially a younger one, shows an interest in a person of any age buying adult diapers.  If they ask, "Who are the diapers for?" it would make me think they have some interest in diapers themselves and maybe even wear them.  They may go home fantasizing about the guy who came in and bought a package of adult diapers, picturing in their mind him wearing them and playing like a baby. 

To date over my 40+ years of buying diapers in person I can remember only 2 people who said anything to me about the diapers I was buying.  One was a woman cashier about 55 years old in a Rite Aid.   She told me the diapers I was buying were going on sale the next week.  Never asked me who they were for, just passing along some helpful information.  The second was the above situation in a Goodwill store when I bought a package of 40 TENA Ultras.  She mentioned she would have to get some for her mother as her mom had issues and it was a good price.  Again, commenting and never asking who they were for.

[willnotwill]

Amusingly, one year we were making up joke presents to give out at a hotel we were staying at with a group.    At the same time, the Southern Baptists were having their convention in the same hotel.    My girlfriend and I walked into the hotel gift shop and bought ten little jars of vaseline to pack into the joke bags.    As I'm laying them out at the cashier she takes one look at them and us and says, "I guess y'all aren't with the Baptists."

 

[ken2988]

I am really not sure why you are so concerned about what the cashier said to me when it was something I brought up, and she was only being friendly. 

If you think anyone is going to get in trouble for what they say in Las Vegas, you need to think again, there are hundred of thousand of job openings at anytime, so if there ever was an issue, they could walk across the street and have a new job in five minutes.