A perspective and guide on incontinent desires

[sparklezBear]

For some time I've been thinking about trying to contribute to our little minority or minorities, to write about psychological and practical aspects of incontinent desires, un-training and being in nappies 24/7. In this way I hope to share ideas, tips and strategies that may help others who are on a progression to 24/7 or un-training. 

In my image of this thread, I would periodically pick a topic to do a deep-dive on, to write about my experiences, things I've learned, read and seen. I would also encourage others to suggest topics that fall under the umbrella of incontinent desires. Over time, I would hope to update this first post to leave an index to different posts as contributions are made.

For a very brief backstory, I'm a woman in my early 40s living in Australia. I've loved nappies all my life since earliest memories and have worn on and off my entire life. From March in 2021, I summoned enough courage to go 24/7 and aim for daytime urinary incontinence having already achieved bedwetting. While going 24/7 is not without risks, I've progressed quickly and relatively easily, owing to my circumstances, and an unwillingness to not be my true nappy'd self any further. There's a more detailed backstory if you search the forum.

Index

Things to come...

[oznl]

I think it may well be that to chronicle our own lived experience is the best opportunity we have to contribute to the body of human knowledge from our small, obscure and marginalised vantage point within it.  I look forward greatly to reading and thank you for your contribution to date ?

 

[sparklezBear]

To get things started, I've chosen a topic; discreet nappy changes at work.

This is a topic which caused me a good amount of fear before I learned the ins and outs of changing in relative close proximity to my colleagues who aren't aware that I wear nappies. 

There are so many aspects to a workplace change with just as many things to think about. For example, what kind of stalls do you have available? Single or multiple? Are there stalls that are larger or for disabled people? How many people need to utilise that restroom? Are they open to the public or just employees? Does the bathroom have a bin suitable for nappies? I could keep asking the questions for a while yet. 

If you happen to be like I was, all of these questions and variables can be quite overwhelming. 

The solution to this is of course preparation.

The first best tip is to know your bathroom options, where they are, when are likely to have the least traffic, and which afford the largest amount of room. Some reconnaissance ahead of time is definitely recommended. If you're in a typical office, consider what might be busy times, such as lunch and just after. Knowing all of this will allow you to plan changes in advanced, and always have a backup if the your first choice is engaged.

As you will likely know, nappy changes aren't always without noise. Particularly for many plastic backed nappies which can be noisy when releasing the tapes. Then there's the noise from disposal bags and potentially plastic pants if you're like me and opt for another layer of insurance. There'a a lot of space to reduce this noise however, even for noisy tabs. 

When undoing tapes, use your fingers to push the tape undone. What do I mean by that? As you start to undo the tape, there will be a part of the adhesive revealed. Use your fingers to stick to the adhesive, pointing towards your side and drag the tape undone while keeping it held against you. With a little practice, this can make noisy tapes almost silent. Of course, cloth-backed nappies or hook & loop closure, or second-change tapes can resolve that kind of noise too.

For plastic bags, try using the compost-able plastic bags. They tend to be softer and much more quiet to work with and can be more or less silent over ambient noise. 

For plastic pants, it's really down the choice of material. I tend to use Gary Active Briefs at work which are PUL. When worn, they are effectively silent, although they are audible while pulling them up or down. Not hugely, but enough. If I need silence (eg for flying, hah!), I might opt for thicker Babykins plastic pants which are incredibly soft and quiet. To manage noise with the Gary briefs, I just go slow if in a multi-stall bathroom. It works well enough.

While I tend not to need changes for messy nappies at work, it does happen on occasion. For these time, I try to always find a single-stall bathroom where any smell can be contained. Still, something I've done to help is to sprinkle some baby powder over expose matter in the nappy right after un-taping it. This can also afford some time for the cleanup and let you put used wipes in the nappy before rolling it up. For messy nappies, I also tend to double-bag them to help contain any odour, particularly if I'm taking the nappy with me.

The only other advice is, don't rush things. To help be ready, consider making a few intentional changes (while you don't need to and can bail if needed). This will help inform your strategy more than anything else.

[spark]

I'm fortunate is that we have single occupancy bathrooms, which means I can lock the door and get enough privacy.    I don't want to change at work.   The only place I've ever changed in public is at an airport, when I wear a Pull Up through security.   I change if a stall, which is not the most comfortable  place to change.   I also don't like the standing change, and I'm not lying on the floor in any public bathroom.   Right now I don't have a good  method to carry an extra diaper into stall.

I used a top quality diaper, like a Mega Max.  I only pee short squirts, which I'm still able to do.   And I wear some nice water proof pants.   It takes a lot to flood a Mega Max, and they hold well after the point that they begin to feel clammy.    I've had them fail at home where I've worn so long that they leak into the chair and back of my sweats, but that is well past the time I would ever risk it public.  I try to poop before I leave, and if i have to later, I'll just pull down my diaper and do it.   It's fortunate that I have no discernable butt, or hips.   My frame is basically a stick figure with a box for a body.

[oznl]

I learned that the easiest workplace nappy-change to deal with was the one you avoided.  A high capacity nappy (I used BetterDry) under good plastic pants and a compression pant (assisted with both leaks by keeping the nappy where it needed to be and visual discretion) could generally cover a full day for me although I might be floating a little on the way home.  Loose, slightly over-sized and dark clothing helped a lot.

I should add that I would be "wet only".  A full nappy could have been a game-changer for me.  I've no idea how I'd have coped with that at my office.

 

 

[Enthusi]

I think this is a great topic. I too have considered writing up my technique in order to serve as a guide for others.   I had written an overview a few months ago which I posted on this group.  Long story short I identified all the major aspects that go into maintaining bladder control (learned behaviors, reflexes, urine production, bladder size, muscle tone, etc) and I simultaneously targeted all of those aspects using a variety of cognitive and behavioral techniques.  
 

As to your point about changing at work.    I would say a few basics: 

1. Go with plain white medical diapers. Less awkward if you get caught.  
 

2. Have an excuse ready to go if you are caught or someone asks why you are bringing a backpack/diaper bag into the bathroom or if you have to leave with a dirty bag.  Mine is that I have to use medicated wipes for a condition.  That’s usually a conversation stopper as nobody  wants to hear about that. 
 

3. If someone does find out and  give you a hard time, go to HR right away.  Unless you’re flaunting your diapers or doing something that could land you in trouble for wearing diapers to work,  you shouldn’t tolerate workplace bullying. 
 

4.  Keep some body spray in your work bag and spritz yourself after changing. 

[Mindylou]

We have single-person bathrooms at my office too, and I have discovered it's much easier to pull down my diaper if I have to poop rather than Change and clean up. I wear thinner NS supreme lite at the office and they usually hold up till I get home. If a change is needed in the event of an accident, I keep a spare pull-up in a plastic bag in my walker compartment (I'm partial disabled and use one all the time), using the compartment to conceal the plastic bag with the diaper in it, and sneak it out of the building at my next opportunity. 

[Diapee underskirt]

I agree mostly. I try to keep work changes to a minimum. And I keep my bag in the car. If I need a change I usually run down the street and change at the gas station. I usually try to make my megamax last the day. I’m torn between always changing at lunch and being safe or trusting my megamax. I have had one bad leak, but luckily it was at lunch and I was able to run and clean up. I had to try and dry my pants though. That’s when I realized I needed to carry spare pants. 

[PuraVidaDip]

What a great thread this is! The finger push on the tapes is golden. So glad you can share your journey @sparklezBear please continue!

@EnthusiWow your comment on saying you have to use medicated wipes for a condition is fantastic! And true! That’s a life saver. Thank you. 

I find pooping at work is no big deal. We have a small office and I too wear Gary PUL pants. I mess at my desk which typically involves little warning except to hold the arms of my chair and lifting my butt off the seat. Or sometimes I get up and start walking to the bathroom and out it comes. If someone were to smell I’d apologize for my gas. I asked a co worker if it smelled and I apologized. She looked at me like I have twelve heads and I had walked 5 feet from her. 

Changing poopy diapers isn’t bad either but I always seem to have access to handicap stalls. I wear a suit and tie and lace up shoes. I take my briefcase with me everywhere and place that on the floor or on a hook on the wall (or S hook I have in my bag). I get my wipes out and then drop my pants and Gary PULs down and shimmy my feet under the toilet then I untape the diaper, holding the front and letting the back fall down. I  try to get the poop to fall into the toilet from the diaper or my behind with a wipe. I then take the diaper off and place it on the floor and start cleaning up and throwing wipes in. I use Walgreen size 8x10 the largest size or NorthShore wipes. Easy peasy. Roll it up and place into a Heaven Scent bag (scent free but excellent at holding smells) tying it super tight.

After cleaning over the toilet I then rotate to a side wall to tape up quickly and I’m ready to go. 

After I’m done then carry the bag in my hand or in my bag if I’m feeling shy and throw it away, wash my hands and done. 

[ugathanki]

I just keep a small pair of scissors in my bag. Makes it easy to undo the taps without noise. Downside is it's harder to tape it closed for disposal, but I get around that by using the kind that have double tapes and double bagging it. The kind of tapes that are layered one on top of one another - second chance tapes I think they're called? Anyway those are nice.