The Girl Who Was Made of China (Audio of ch 3 1/5/21)

[SashaButters]

7 hours ago, Ishigreensa said:

I hope you keep this one going even if they ask for a wrap up soon.  This is a very nice story.

I didn't know you could make money like this....

Is it really enough to take care of stuff you need like a regular job?

Glad you made up your mind about it xD

$50 here and there, but it's not enough to live off of or anything. I'm on disability so anything extra helps. It's more for fun than anything and gives my brain something to think about other than the world around me.

Its like @WBDaddy said, it's so much work, and time etc.

[Ishigreensa]

Thanks for clearing that up for me.

The story is good, though.  And the fact it takes so much effort to do it right makes me really appreciate it that much more.  I always get stuck somewhere in the middle and can't seem to finish any stories that I get a really good idea about.

[SashaButters]

I had gone down the slide again and again. Even Edgar was getting breathless from hauling me up the inflated stairs. By the fourth time down I could hardly breathe, now content to just lay motionless in the pile of foam. The children had laughed at my terrified shrieks, and cheered with me as I raised my arms in triumph from among the foam. 

 

Every inch of me was covered in sweat as the bubble wrap and packaging foam clung to my body. My lower half felt drenched, but from what I had no idea. After the slide I asked if I could go to one more place. He agreed, but only if I stayed put in the far corner and out of the fray. I couldn’t keep the grin off my face as he set me down in the ball pit. It wasn’t nearly as deep as I had thought, but it was enough to sink down to my chest from my seated position. I lightly kicked my feet and used my arms to move the balls around me. 

 

I had never gotten to do these things as a child. I had always been stuck on the sidelines for my own good. Even now at nearly 16, a part of me felt bitter watching Evan diving in and out of the balls and crawling through the tunnels in our local Play Palace in Kansas. We had taken him for his 3rd birthday and he had looked as if he had been having the time of his life, only mildly irritated I would not, “get up and play with him.” 

 

My parents had adopted him shortly after birth from a local young couple not ready to have a family. They claimed they hadn’t thought of having another child until they had learned of the family looking for someone to take him in, but I knew it was bull shit. It was no, “chance encounter at the grocery store.” They had been looking into adoption for years. They just wanted to make sure they didn't get another me. 

 

I was a defective model. I had come broken, so they had ordered a replacement. It’s what anyone would have done when the thing you had wanted comes not as described. If my brother was an Apple product, I would be the cheap knock off that breaks before you even get it out of the box. “Made of China” I scoffed. More like, “Made in China.”

 

I tried my best to distract myself. It didn’t matter. What mattered was the here and now, and the here and now was calling my name and asking for backup! I grinned, and joined in on the fun the only way I could- by pelting the enemy forces with brightly colored balls. 

 

“Jasmine! How could you!” Edgar said in mock indignation after taking one to the gut from me. It had lightly made contact, and bounced off harmlessly, but he pretended to go down all the same. That’s when the children attacked. I watched as one after another began to dog pile him. 

 

The giant was down. 

 

“Snack time!”  Elaine called. “Everyone out of the ball pit!” 

 

“Oh boy! Snacks!” Edgar said, lifting his face out of the balls. The pile of children began to shake. It wasn’t possible! And yet, it was happening. One by one children began falling off as Edgar began to sit up. How strong was this guy!? Once all the kids had either climbed down, or been flung off, they made their way out of the ball pit. Edger then picked me up and brought me back to my wagon. 

 

“Having fun?” He asked me.

 

“Yeah, thanks.” I said with a smile. 

 

“Glad to hear, we try to make it not so scary for the kids transitioning to foster care for the first time.”

 

“Are all these foster kids?”

 

“No, these are just our regular day care, and after school club. You’re the only foster at the moment. They usually only stay for a couple days. This is only meant as a temporary place for young children while Cps investigates the family, while Elaine talks with the kids one on one. Then they compare notes and determine if the child will need to be placed with a foster family or be returned to their parents.”

 

“So she’s my ticket back home.” I said. 

 

“Yep, but lying will do you no good. She always knows how to get the truth out of young children.”

 

I frowned.

 

“But I’m not a young child, I’m... “ I said, letting my thought trail off.

 

“No, but her methods seem to be working on you all the same.” 

 

I scowled. What had she been doing to me short of putting me in a diaper and making me poop in a bag? 

 

“What methods?” I asked, feeling suspicious. 

 

“You're having fun, aren’t you? You seemed pretty happy back there despite what’s going on.”

 

“I’d be just as happy taking my bag of excrement, lighting it on fire and leaving it on my principal's porch for giving me a detention for being late to class after lunch, despite you know, being in a wheel chair.” 

 

“Such lady-like behavior.” He said feigning shock. 

 

“Because pooping in a trash bag is so classy, right?”

“The Queen of England is classy, and she’s so old she probably took the throne when chamber pots were still a thing.” 

 

“What’s a chamber pot?” I asked, as he pushed me to join the others.

 

“Well, you know those big cooking pots”
 

“Yeah.”

 

“It’s like that, but for poop.” I wrinkled my nose. “Don’t give me that look, you started this conversation.”

 

“And I’m ending it right now,” Elaine said handing out Capri Suns and Dixie cups full of pretzels. “That’s an inappropriate conversation while we’re eating. And get her out of that, she looks like she’s about to overheat.

 

It took about ten minutes to free my upper half. Each time he tore a strip of bubble wrap off, he’d hand it off to the nearest child, who’d gleefully begin popping away. It was when he began to unravel my bottom half that he realized there was a problem. 

 

“How about I hand out snacks and you take care of that one?” Edger suggested. I hadn’t been paying attention, I was focused with trying to get the straw in the hole. It wasn’t until Elaine stood over me that I realized there was a problem. I was soaked. Not just the diaper, and not just from sweat. I could see yellow liquid inside the still sealed bubble wrap. It couldn’t be! I lifted it an inch and the ammonia stench nearly made me gag. It was. 

 

“Jaz, why didn’t you tell us you needed a change?” She asked while pulling me toward the bathroom. 

 

The truth was it hadn’t even crossed my mind. I had been having fun and… I could feel my cheeks flush. What an unbelievably immature thing to do. I couldn’t believe it. 

 

“I thought it was just sweat.” I admitted. It hadn’t crossed my mind that while yes, I could go when I needed to, it was really only borrowing time so I could get to a bathroom. 

 

She closed and locked the door behind us, put on gloves and began the tedious job of unwrapping me. Worst present ever, I thought as she peeled off layers of dripping plastic and tossed them in the garbage. 

 

“Well on the bright side, these made for the most unusual plastic panties i’ve ever seen.” she said before “tsk”-ing as she examined the red rash all over my legs. “How many times did you pee in this?” 

 

“Umm, well...I wasn’t really keeping track.” I was. It was four. And each one had been easier than the last. 

 

“These are single use diapers, they aren’t meant to use all day.” She balled up the soaked diaper  and threw it in the trash. “Honestly, I thought I would be having the opposite problem with you. I figured you’d be running to me at the first sign of moisture and I would have to somehow convince you to stay that way a bit longer.”

 

“I didn’t want to bother you, and then before I knew it, I’d have to go again, and then I was ba-” I was about to say “balls deep” but stopped myself. “I was in the ball pit and Edgar was a little preoccupied.” 

 

“Jazz, this is what I do. While I appreciate you thinking of me, it’s your well being we need to be focusing on. Tell me the truth. Taking into account how upset you were earlier today when you were outed, and now that i’ve discovered you’ve chosen to sit in your own waste for hours rather than come get me, what is it you're so afraid of? Is it having to be cleaned up? Because I can’t imagine this being much more invasive than you're used to. I can see this being difficult for someone your age who is used to having privacy, but you said yourself you’ve needed care all your life.”

 

“No, it’s not the clean up. It is what it is.” I said, leaning back so she could do damage control. “I don’t think I can explain it.”

 

“Well, while I’m working, how about you try?”

 

“I’m not afraid.”

 

Elaine sighed and stopped wiping me down. “Look at your legs and tell me what you see.” I looked. They were red, irritated, swollen and now that I noticed, they began to hurt and itch. “This right here tells me all I need to know. You can deny it all you want, and you can lie and tell me you thought it was sweat. I know i’ve only known you for one day, but you’re smarter than that, Jasmine.” 

 

I said nothing. Who did this lady think she was?

 

“I read how you hurt your hip.”

 

“My dad was trying to be funny and dropped me in a trashcan.” I said. “Doesn’t mean he abuses me.” 

 

“I never said he did. What I’m trying to figure out is how yesterday, you were willing to go to such great lengths to avoid getting urine on your legs because you knew it might set off your neuropathy pain. Only today, you seem content to practically bathe yourself in it despite knowing what consequences might lie in store.”

“You know I’ve heard rumors urine wraps are great for the skin, takes ten years right off.” I joked.

 

“Jasmine, I’m asking you a serious question right now. Look at me. Are you telling me the truth? Were you really not afraid to come get me?”

 

“Yes!” I said, raising my voice a little. I was getting annoyed. I didn’t like repeating myself, and I loathed being called a liar. 

 

“Okay Jasmine, I can see you’re not ready to open up about this, but when you are, just know i’m here when you’re ready to talk.”

 

She finished changing me in silence while I sat and seethed. I didn’t even know why I was so angry. 

 

When I returned, most of the kids had scattered from the snack table already and were off either playing in the section with the blow up slide, jolly jumper and ball pit, or on the obstacle course side, with the plastic tunnels and cargo nets. Only Kevin remained, asking for more pretzels. I gave him my share, surprised that he hadn’t already filled up on paste. 

 

“Don’t you want a snack?” Edgar asked me. I did. My stomach was rumbling from hunger. All I had had today was Jello at the hospital, and half of that hadn’t even made it into my mouth. 

 

“I’m not supposed to have hard or chewy food because of my teeth.” I said. “They’ll break.” 

 

“Would you like me to check if I have something soft? I think there’s some yogurt or string cheese.” Ohh, string cheese I thought. 

 

“No thanks, I’m fine.” I said. They had already done enough for me. I didn’t need them thinking I was being difficult and making special trips. Instead, I focused my attention on the pouch of juice I hadn’t managed to get open. It took a few minutes, but I had finally managed to steady it in the crook of my cast, and despite the awkwardness of my right hand, pierce the hole on the fourth try. I triumphantly took a sip. It wasn’t Wild Cherry, but it was still good. 

 

I had downed it in a quarter of the time it had taken me to open it, even with blowing air into the straw to re-inflate it in order to suck the last drops out. I crumpled it up feeling disappointed. It had only made me thirsty. Were they ever going to make these things bigger? I eyed an abandoned pouch next to me, sitting open and in arms reach. 

 

That’s nasty Jaz, I told myself. I didn’t know where that kid's mouth had been. What if it was Kevin’s? That meant his tongue had probably been on the inside of some glue bottle, licking the sides to get the last bits out. I’ll just ask for another one. I looked for Edgar but he was across the room now talking to a parent that had come to collect their offspring. Elaine was only a few feet away, but I didn’t feel like asking her for any favors. They weren't worth the effort of getting it open with one hand anyway. Besides, it’s not like it was- I stared at the abandoned pouch. Wild Cherry. 

 

No one would miss it. Kid probably forgot about it anyway. It was just going to get thrown away. Why let it go to waste? I took my empty and crumbled up pouch, blew it full of air and made the switch. Ahh, much better. I was just sucking the last bit out when Alice ran up to the table and frowned. She picked up the empty pouch I had blown air into then looked at me.

 

“Hey that’s mine!” She said with a scowl. “I was saving that! Mrs. Elaine. MRS. ELAINE!” Alice screamed.

 

“You don’t need to yell, I’m right here. Now what is it?” Elaine said coming over.

 

“Jasmine stole my juice! I set it right here so I could go down the slide with Olivia and she drank it all!” She pointed a finger at me accusingly. 

 

“We don’t point fingers, Alice. Now are you sure that was yours? There’s another pouch right here where you said yours was.” 

 

“I asked for a cherry, remember! That’s Kiwi, I’m allergic.”  Well, shit. 

 

“Alice, we talked about this. I asked your mommy before if you’re allergic to kiwi and she said no. She said you just don’t like kiwi; there’s a difference.” Elaine explained. I breathed a sigh of relief. “Jasmine, did you take her juice?” They both stared at me. Why was I getting so nervous over this?

 

“Yeah, sorry about that. I didn’t think anyone was coming back for it.” I admitted. No point in lying when the evidence was clearly in my hand. 

 

“You know you shouldn’t take things that don’t belong to you, don’t you?” Elaine chastised. I furrowed my eyebrows. 

 

“It’s just juice.”

 

“It was mine!” Alice growled. 

 

“It still didn’t belong to you, and we don’t take things without asking.” Elaine said. I blinked in disbelief. What did she want from me? 

 

“O...kay… sorry?” I said. “I was thirsty and…” I motioned with my hands to the wagon. “Kind of stuck here.” 

 

“If you were thirsty then why didn’t you ask me for another one? I’ve been in earshot the entire time and never heard a peep out of you.” 

I sunk deeper into my wagon. I couldn’t believe I was being treated like a disobedient toddler over a stupid juice. 

 

“She can just reach into the box and get another one.” I said. “I can’t.”

 

“No, because she knows she isn’t allowed to just take whatever she wants, when she wants. She needs to ask first.” 

 

“Fine! Then she can just ask for another one!” I said throwing my good hand in the air. “It’s a stupid juice box!”

 

“I hear nothing wrong with your voice? Why didn’t you just ask for another stupid juice box if its no big deal?”

 

“Because she can open it!” I blurted out. “It was there and it was open so I took it! I’m left handed!” I held up my useless arm. My vision had become blurry. Was I seriously tearing up over this? 

 

“So, you’re telling me you took it because you had trouble getting the first one open?” Elaine asked. Alice’s head was going back and forth like she was watching a tennis match. I sighed and pinched my nose in frustration.

 

“Yes, okay? It wasn’t worth trying to get another one open.” 

 

“So not only did you not want to ask me for another juice, but you also didn’t want to ask me to open it for you. Interesting.” She stared at me. I stared back. “Are you ready to tell me what you’re afraid of?” 

 

“Spiders!” I said with a roll of my eyes. “I hate spiders, and clowns, and heights.” 

 

“Well, I’m sorry about this, but I have to do it.”

 

“Do what?” I asked sarcastically. “Put me in time out?”

 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

 That bitch! She actually stuck me in a corner! I haven’t been in time out since I was like eight! 

 

“If all you're going to do is give me attitude, then you might as well not speak.” she had said before she had stuck something in my mouth. “If I see it out of your mouth I’m doubling your time.”

 

After a moment of curious probing with my tongue I could tell it was the pacifier I had been using as a makeshift mouth guard. I could see parents coming to collect their kids, and my odd appearance was not lost on me every time one of them stared at me. My legs were in the air with the diaper on full display. The blanket I had been using for privacy was discarded somewhere, and I had a fucking pacifier in my mouth. 

 

Today had been a wild roller coaster of emotions, and I was at my breaking point. I was tired, cold, hungry and just wanted to go home. I closed my eyes, but tears still began to fall. Not wanting to give “big bitch” and “baby bitch” the satisfaction of having upset me, I peeled the decorated pad off the wagons handle and stuck it over my eyes like a face mask used for sleeping. I pulled my hearing aids out and let my surroundings disappear. Eventually I felt someone throw a blanket over me. I wrapped it around myself and before I knew it, I was gone.

 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

I was awoken by hands gently shaking me awake. I jumped, and opened my eyes, startled to find I was no longer in the wagon, but sprawled out on a couch in a completely different room. My head spun wildly around trying to make sense of my new surroundings. Edgar was standing over me offering me a bowl of something, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying. 

 

I sat up and began searching for my hearing aids. After finding them on a coffee table by my head, I hastily put them in.

 

“Rise and Shine sleepy head. Time to wake up, or you won’t be able to sleep tonight.” Edgar said. He dragged a tray over to the couch and set a bowl of something on it. "You must be hungry by now.”  I was starving. He swiveled the tray in front of me. I  sat up and examined the contents. Macaroni and Cheese. I could feel my mouth watering. I dove in with reckless abandon. “Slow down girl, when was the last time you ate?”

 

“Tif ‘ornin’” I said through a mouth full of food. I swallowed and repeated my answer. “I had some Jello this morning. Sort of. What time is it? Where am I?”

 

“It’s six in the evening and you're upstairs in our apartment. Elaine tried to wake you when your time was up, but you were out cold. The parents had a good laugh at your eye mask though. That was very, uh, resourceful of you.” 

 

“You do realize I’m not actually upset at you over the juice?” Elaine said, coming into the room. I eyed her skeptically. 

 

“You're not?” 

 

“Of course not. It's like you said. It’s just juice. That’s just a show for the kids.” she said. I narrowed my eyes. 

“So you were making an example out of me?”

 

“I can’t show a group of kindergartners the rules don’t apply to you. Although we could have done without the backtalk. I had to show Alice no one gets to talk to me that way.” 

 

“Sorry,” I mumbled. 

 

“Rough day?” Edgar asked. I nodded and squirmed in my seat. Since the last diaper had leaked so bad I didn’t feel comfortable just letting go on their couch. 

 

“There is something we need to talk about.” Elaine said. “We’ve noticed some concerning behavior.” I scowled. “Jasmine, we want you to feel comfortable coming to us if you need something, and it’s clear after today that you’re not. You didn’t tell me you needed a change despite knowing it could have caused you pain, you told Edgar you weren't hungry when you just admitted you haven’t eaten all day, you didn’t tell us you wanted something else to drink, and you didn’t ask for help with the straw.” 

 

“Okay.” I mumbled. Elaine sat down in an armchair across from me. 

 

“How about this. I get the feeling you either don’t feel comfortable coming right out and telling me what’s going on, or you want to tell us, but you don’t know how.” I shrugged. 

 

“Both I guess.”

 

“How about we try something else? Instead of you trying to tell me, I make random statements and you tell me if I’m getting warmer or colder. I’ll start with an easy one. Your name is Stephen.”

 

“Cold.”

 

“How cold?”

 

“Ice cold.” I said. I squirmed again and shifted my toes. 

 

“You feel your parents physically hurt you on purpose.” 

 

“Ice cold.”

 

“You feel your parents are neglectful of you.”

 

“Ice cold.” 

 

“You’re afraid of being a burden to me and Edgar.”

 

“Cold.”

 

“Alright, you’re embarrassed to ask for help.”

 

“Cold.”

 

“Hmm, you're too proud to ask for help.”

 

“Cold.”

 

“You’re scared to ask for help.”

 

“Warmer.”

 

“You’re scared of what we will think of you if you ask for help.”

 

“Colder.”

 

“You didn’t ask for a change when you were wet because...let’s see, you were scared you were in trouble because it leaked.”

 

“Cold.” She raised her eyebrows in surprise.

 

“You didn’t ask for a change because...it didn’t leak?”

 

“Warmer.” Elaine looked even more confused.

 

“You didn’t ask for a change because it wasn’t wet enough.”

 

“Hot.” I admitted.

 

“You didn’t ask for a change because you were afraid I’d say no.”

 

“Colder.” She stared ahead in silence for a few minutes lost in thought as she searched my face for a clue.

 

“You have to pee.” 

 

I blushed. “I don’t want to leak on your couch.”

 

“It won’t unless you use it more than once with a full bla-...” She stared at me a moment. “You didn’t ask for a change because you didn’t want me to see you used it when you didn’t have a full bladder.” 

 

I felt my face turn redder. “Hot”

 

“You're afraid of what I’d think.”

 

“Warmer”

 

“You’re afraid of what I’d tell your parents.” 

 

“Warmer.”

 

“You prefer wearing diapers over being moved on and off the toilet.”

 

“Hot.”

 

“You're afraid because you prefer diapers.”

 

“Hot.”

 

“You’re afraid of your parents finding out you prefer diapers.” 

 

“Hot.”

 

“You still haven’t gone; You’re still squirming.”

 

I bit my lip and looked away as I relaxed, while keeping a hand under me for the first sign of moisture. When none came I breathed a sigh of relief. 

 

“Better?” I nodded. “I’ll get you cleaned up when we’re done, let‘s see. You’re afraid of your parents thinking it’s gross.”

 

“Warmer.”

 

“You’re afraid your parents will think it’s too much work.”

 

“Hot.” I mumbled. She was getting too close to home now. 

 

“You’re afraid your parents will think you’re too much work.”

 

“Hot.” My eyes were beginning to sting.

 

“You’re afraid your parents will send you away to some kind of care facility if you were in diapers.” I could feel a single tear slide down my cheek.

 

“Burning.” I whispered. She smiled sympathetically.

“Now we’re getting somewhere.”

[YourFNF]

On 12/11/2020 at 10:49 AM, SashaButters said:

I stared at the nurse and CPS worker dumbstruck. I thought last night's conversation was a drug induced dream. Even now, I questioned my reality. They

 

“You’re in a nearly full body cast, hun. Why shouldn’t you take the easy way out?”

 

“But…”

 

“Why don’t you take this weekend as a sort of break. Don’t worry about anything, don’t worry about what she says or thinks. Take it easy. She doesn’t have to know.” 

 

“Promise?” I ask.

 

“Promise,” 

 

With a sigh of relief and contentment, I closed my eyes and took the easy way out.. and it felt wonderful.

This is really well written but incredibly tough to read. I may need to bail but we'll see

[YourFNF]

5 hours ago, SashaButters said:

I had gone down the slide again and again. Even Edgar was getting breathl

“So you were making an example out of me?”

 

“I can’t show a group of kindergartners the rules don’t apply to you. Although we could have done without the backtalk. I had to show Alice no one gets to talk to me that way.” 

 

“Sorry,” I mumbled. 

 

“Rough d

 

“Hot.” My eyes were beginning to sting.

 

“You’re afraid your parents will send you away to some kind of care facility if you were in diapers.” I could feel a single tear slide down my cheek.

 

“Burning.” I whispered. She smiled sympathetically.

“Now we’re getting somewhere.”

I still think there's some fear of being seen as different and a burden and I definitely can relate

[SashaButters]

40 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

This is really well written but incredibly tough to read. I may need to bail but we'll see

What do you mean tough to read? Like sentence structure wise? Is it worded awkwardly?

[WBDaddy]

3 hours ago, SashaButters said:

What do you mean tough to read? Like sentence structure wise? Is it worded awkwardly?

Intensity level, I think, might be the issue here. 

Doesn't bother me, but some folks struggle with intense emotional content and difficult topics mixed into AB stories. 

[BabySofia]

10 hours ago, SashaButters said:

“You’re afraid your parents will send you away to some kind of care facility if you were in diapers.” I could feel a single tear slide down my cheek.

“Burning.” I whispered. She smiled sympathetically.

My heart broke at this line. Poor kid... I'm hoping this is just the case of a kid not understanding the parents caring about her. I can't imagine they would actually do that, but I can certainly see where she would have that fear. Hoping for at least a happyish ending to this tale. Unfortunately with her disease a true happy ending is probably impossible.

[Ishigreensa]

Yeah, this story is definitely emotional, but I like it a lot.  I am wondering where it will go from here.

At first, I was sort of mad at the social worker for the misused of "time out".

When I was a kid, we were investigated based on some strange claims that proved nothing, but the social worker asked my parents if they knew what time out was, and how to use it.  Apparently, they seemed to think they knew more than parents on how to discipline kdis, and there was no evidence this woman even had any of her own.

Anyway.  Time out, as my parents were told, is not the punishment.  It is a chance for both sides to calm down while they reflected and the parents would decide in that time if a punishment was actually warranted.  Corner time is NOT time out time.  It is the punishment, according to what we were told by that social worker.

[YourFNF]

20 hours ago, SashaButters said:

What do you mean tough to read? Like sentence structure wise? Is it worded awkwardly?

Oh I mean emotionally ??

[SashaButters]

On 12/16/2020 at 1:47 PM, WBDaddy said:

Intensity level, I think, might be the issue here. 

Doesn't bother me, but some folks struggle with intense emotional content and difficult topics mixed into AB stories. 

 

9 hours ago, YourFNF said:

Oh I mean emotionally ??

Ah gotcha. *shrugs* there's already so many "normal" ab stories out there. I want to write more than just fap material 

[YourFNF]

5 hours ago, SashaButters said:

 

Ah gotcha. *shrugs* there's already so many "normal" ab stories out there. I want to write more than just fap material 

Hella valid ?

[SashaButters]

It’s not like I consciously thought my parents would just get rid of me.  I hadn’t even realized the fear was there, but once Elaine had given it a name I was overcome with emotion. It had been there all along in the back of my mind, silently growing like a cancerous tumor. It was like my eyes had been opened for the first time and I saw the hideous mass wrapping its tentacles around me. I had been bottling my fears and emotions for years without even being aware of it, and this thing had been the cork holding it all in place. 

 

It was like Elaine had poured drain cleaner inside me. Now that the main clog was out, it was like all my other problems and insecurities couldn’t get out fast enough. It was one thing after another after another. I was choking and sobbing as, “What ifs” and “But…” began nearly every sentence. There were things coming out of my mouth I had never told anyone and I couldn’t stop.

 

Elaine had since moved over to where I was sitting and had her arms around me, squatting down next to me by the couch.  

 

“Let it all out, it’s okay.” she whispered. I had my head resting on her chest. I was vaguely aware of fingers lightly stroking my hair. I could feel a wave of utter exhaustion beginning to wash over me by the time she stood up. 

 

“Sorry,” I mumbled, wiping my eyes and nose. 

 

“No more, ‘sorry’s’” she said. “We made a lot of progress tonight.” 

 

“Then why do I feel worse?” I was beginning to grow ashamed of myself for the way I had acted. Why had I spouted out all this nonsense to a woman I didn’t know, only to have an absolute fit in front of her?

 

 She handed me a box of tissue so I could blow my nose. 

 

“Imagine you had a bad cut and it hurt really bad. Time goes by and the wound starts to look better, only underneath the skin where no one can see, an infection has begun to spread. You start having symptoms in other parts of your body that you didn’t imagine had been caused by that old injury. Sometimes we need to open old wounds in order to treat them because they didn’t heal properly the first time. That emotional rawness you’re feeling right now is a normal and healthy part of the healing process.”

 

“It hurts.” I whimpered. 

 

“I know it does, but now you can face it head on and-”

 

“No, I mean. . . “ I motioned with my eyes downward. 

 

“Oh! Right, the rash. Let’s see about getting Edgar to help you in the bath.” She undressed me where I was, wrapped a towel around me for privacy and had Edgar set me down in the bathtub. My hip brace was 3D printed plastic, so at least I didn’t have to worry about getting it wet. I winced a little as water began to fill the tub, but quickly relaxed. The water felt so good on my burning and irritated skin. 

 

I had almost fallen asleep when Elaine began washing my hair. Her fingers massaged my scalp in small circles. By the time she had gotten to my body I was so relaxed I was putty in her hands. 

 

Once the bath was done, she wrapped me back in a towel and called for Edgar. 

 

“Do you sleep in a bed at home?” she asked me as he came in.

 

“Mhm.” I mumbled half asleep. “with bars.” 

 

“The bed doesn’t have bars.” Elaine said. “Where should we put her? She seemed okay on the couch, but that was while we were keeping an eye on her.” 

 

“Yeah, but if she rolls off in the night.” Edgar said trailing off. “She’d probably fit in the…”

 

“Edgar! We can’t put her there! She’s a teenager.” 

 

“It’s not like she’d need out for anything. Even if she was in a bed she’d still have to call for help, at least we wouldn’t have to worry about her rolling out, and the monitors already all plugged in.” 

 

“Yeah, but…” Elaine said. “Jasmine, I know I said you would get to act your age here, but would you be offended if we had you sleep in the nursery?”

 

“I don’t care.” I mumbled. A bed was a bed, no matter what room it was in. My eyes were burning now. My eyelids felt like they weighed several pounds each. 

 

“Can you put her on the table first?” Elaine asked. I felt myself get lifted into the air. I grabbed onto Edgar, holding on for dear life despite my exhaustion. Once I was lying on my back, Edgar stepped out into the hallway as Elaine finished getting me ready for bed. I felt several ointments and creams being rubbed into my inner thighs and underwear line. Once a thicker diaper than before was wrapped around me, she helped me into a large shirt that went past my knees. My eyes were shut by the time I was set down on the mattress, and a blanket placed over me. 

 

“If you need anything just call. The monitors on.”  

 

I vaguely heard something slide and click into place, but I was out before I found the willpower to investigate. 

 

I awoke feeling better rested than I had the previous morning. No intruders had come into my hospital room demanding to know my life story. With my eyes still closed, I stretched my arms out and felt the bars around me. I blindly reached for the remote that would lift up my hospital bed, but came up with nothing but something fluffy. I slowly opened my eyes and examined a stuffed wolf. A closer inspection revealed it was more likely a husky, but I thought a wolf would be cooler. 

 

I tossed Balto aside when I noticed the black bars looming overhead. What. The. Hell. This wasn’t the hospital. I tried to sit up, but couldn’t. I pulled the blanket off and the events of the previous day came rushing back. A wave of sadness hit me. I wasn’t home, or in the hospital. I was in some weird ass defunct Chuck E Cheese foster care halfway house while my family was in another state. 

 

I picked Balto back up and held him to my chest. 

 

“I want to go home.” I moaned. 

 

After a few minutes I lifted myself up with my good arm a couple inches off the mattress and looked around. Why was I in a crib? While I didn’t touch any of the bars lying out, I was beginning to feel a tad bit claustrophobic. I told myself they put me here to keep me safe, but the fit reminded me more of a coffin. I laid back down and tried to imagine I was at home in bed instead. It almost worked, if it wasn’t for needing to pee. 

 

 You need to wait, my inner dialogue said. But why? I asked myself. I had no problem going in a diaper yesterday. It had even felt kind of… good. That’s why. 

 

If I wanted things to go back to the way things were and forget this ever happened, I couldn’t get used to this. This wasn’t normal. I wasn’t supposed to enjoy this, I was supposed to be disgusted! Outraged, even.

 

 I could feel moisture fill my eyes. I was miserable, the brace was pushing back against my ever growing bladder. Just pee already, you idiot. What are you waiting for, permission?  I moaned again. My talk with Elaine had done nothing but drag all my insecurities front and center. Now the thought of using a diaper seemed more repulsive than ever. I felt more repulsive than ever.

 

I heard the monitor crackle to life above me.

 

“Are you okay, Jasmine?” Elaine asked.

 

I wanted to say I was fine, but all that came out was unintelligible groans. 

 

“I’m coming.” I heard bed springs creak followed by shuffling footsteps. “Good morning, are you okay?” I glanced up at her face with a mixture of shame and relief. I knew what I was supposed to do, but I just...couldn’t. She tried to search my face for the problem, but I quickly hung my head. I heard the lock of the bars unclick and begin to slide down, and a pressure on the mattress as she sat down next to me. “C’mon, let’s sit you up. It will help.” I shook my head, and hid it underneath my arms. My breathing was getting more raspy and shallow. 

 

With both armpits exposed, she hoisted me up with a strength I didn’t know she was capable of. My upper body was now leaning against her, with one of her arms still wrapped around me. 

 

“It’s alright to be scared.” She said softly, rubbing my arm. “Just take a deep breath in. That's it, now let it out.” She walked me through a few more deep breathing exercises. “Now tell me, what’s five things in this room you can touch?”

 

“You, the stuffed animal, the blanket, the bed, the bars.” 

 

“Good, almost there. Now what are five things you can touch that are out of reach?” 

 

I looked around the room. “The table, the lightswitch, the window, the doorknob, the baby monitor.” 

 

“There you go.” she said. “Do you know what that's called?”  I shook my head. “It’s called ‘grounding’, and it helps when things start to feel too overwhelming. I want you to do that next time you feel your situation is too out of control.”  I said nothing as she adjusted me back into a lying position. “Let’s get you ready for the day.” She stood up and started going through drawers before coming back to me. She lifted up my shirt, getting ready to tear away the old diaper but stopped when she noticed it was still dry, and pulled the shirt back down. “I’ll give you a minute. I’ll come back after I’ve brushed my teeth.” 

 

 I knew what she was telling me to do. 

 

“I can’t.” I mumbled. She frowned.

 

“What’s the matter? What can’t you do?” 

 

“Pee.” I shrugged. 

 

“What do you mean you can’t pee?” She sat back on the edge of the bed looking concerned. “Are we talking psychologically, or physically? This concerns me with your injuries, because if there’s something wrong with your kidneys this isn’t good.” 

 

“Probably not that.” I admitted. She seemed to relax, but still kept an eye on me. 

 

“You didn’t have a problem yesterday.” She bit her lip. “I’d like you to try now, just in case.” She lifted my shirt back up and lightly traced the skin at the top of the brace. “Does this hurt?” 

 

“No.” She lightly pressed down on my belly.” I shook my head. “Well, that’s good. I think it’s just anxiety from our talk last night. I’m going to go brush my teeth and give you a minute to calm down. That will probably help.” 

 

I let out a frustrated moan when she left. I did this like ten fricken times yesterday! Why did I feel absolutely horrified about it now? C’mon! This is so much better than the alternative! I’ve already admitted that! 

 

I tried thinking about that place I was in yesterday. Relax! Stop thinking about it and just go! Get it over with! The pressure was becoming unbearable. I tried thinking about going down the slide, sitting in the ball pen, sitting on the toilet, hell I even tried imagining myself sitting on Jenny’s potty. Nothing. As a last resort I even tried pushing, but all I had managed to do is make myself worry something else would come out. 

 

“Alright, I’m back, now let’s see about…” She trailed off. “Jasmine, you’re still dry.” I groaned back in response. “Jasmine, I need you to stop holding it and go. Mornings are very busy for us and I might not have time right away to change you until later. I don’t think you’ll be very comfortable with that rash if you have to sit in it.” 

 

I shrugged. For whatever reason I just couldn’t. She had opened the Pandora’s Box of anxiety. After another twenty minutes and everyone was ready to head downstairs, I still hadn’t gone. They had no choice but to take me down as I was.  

 

They put me in the wagon and demanded I drink a bottle of water. At least this one had a sports cap I could open and close with one hand. 

 

Kids began joining me at the table one by one. Kevin looked bummed, but I think it was because Elaine hid the jar of paste after he left yesterday. I was kind of bummed too, since I still had a score to settle with Alice. Her bratty attitude had rubbed me the wrong way. 

 

Things seemed to pick up when Jenny arrived beaming ear to ear. It wasn’t until her mom was out the door that she revealed why. She had not left “Mommy’s Special Underwear Stickers” at home like she was supposed to. My taking her offering and decorating my wagon with it had  only encouraged her. She dug into her pockets and began producing  green wrapped pads from every crevice in her clothing possible. If I wasn’t so uncomfortable I would be breathless from laughing so hard. Elaine was powerless to stop us all from grabbing one and decorating it with paint, markers, and stickers. Before I knew it, the wagon was covered in them. 

 

By the time snack time rolled around I was miserable. I sat staring off into space, shaking my head when the kids tried to get me to go down the slide with them. I had even resorted to straight up bearing down and pushing at Elaine’s insistence, but all it had resulted in was a loud fart that sent the kids into a fit of giggles. Even Elaine could tell this wasn’t psychological like we had originally thought. I didn’t care where I peed as long as I was able to. My dad could drop me in another trash can for all I cared. 

Elaine tried several home remedies, from having the kids tickle me, to Edgar carrying me and walking in circles. Nothing seemed to work, not sitting up, not lying back, not leaning forward, not with the diaper on or off. They even had me soak in a warm bath, which I was told I was free  to try and pee in. None of us seemed to care where I was or what I was wearing as long as something came out, but any trick we tried only amounted to a drop or two. 

 

 I was sniffing a cotton ball of peppermint oil by the time she made the call. I watched nervously as she paced around the room as she talked on the phone. 

 

“The good news is they don’t want you to go to the hospital. The covid count is too high and they feel it’s not worth exposing you to it. Once I told them about your injury to your hip, they decided to send someone here to take a look at you.” I could tell by the look on her face she was hiding something. “You’re going to feel better soon.” She squeezed my hand reassuringly, but something wasn’t sitting right. 

 

Edgar had taken me back up to the apartment and laid me back down in the crib before rushing back downstairs. Elaine sat with me, rocking back and forth in the rocking chair. A part of me wanted to sit in her lap and be rocked. I hugged Balto for reassurance instead. 

 

Thirty minutes later a man with short black hair wearing blue scrubs walked in. He introduced himself and talked details with Elaine. I wasn’t  paying attention, all my focus was on my aching insides. Before I knew it he was over me, pressing around on my stomach just above the brace. He tossed around medical jargon I didn’t understand before going back to pressing around. 

 

“It’s most likely a result of her injury. Her brain’s not communicating with her bladder properly due to the trauma to the pelvic region. We’d need to schedule her for more tests later, it’s most likely temporary, but in the meantime we’ll have to relieve the pressure.” 

 

Suddenly, Elaine was there holding my hand. The diaper was getting ripped off. What was going on? I was being wiped down with something cold. I looked to Elaine. 

 

“It’ll be over in a minute.” she said. 

 

What was going to be over in a min- HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!! 

 

Suddenly, I could feel a slight burning before the pressure inside of me began to slowly dissipate. It was almost like my insides were deflating. I was finally peeing! I let out a relieved sigh. The sensation seemed to go on and on. 

 

“Poor thing.” Elaine said, giving my hand another squeeze. “You really had to go.”

 

“Good thing you called.” he said, disconnecting the bag. “Someone her size wouldn’t normally be able to hold this much urine. The bladder would have voided on its own whether she wanted it to or not, but this much might mean its backing up towards the kidneys. I didn’t feel anything protruding, which is a good sign, but we won’t know for sure until she gets an ultrasound. For the time being we’re just going to leave this in for the rest of the day. Have her drink plenty of water and try and flush her system. Her body might be in shock from the injury. Are you familiar with catheter care?” 

 

“Yes,” Elaine said. 

 

“Good, you can take it out tomorrow and see how she does. If she’s still retaining urine like this, call us and we’ll expedite the referral.” 

 

A diaper was taped back up to soak up any leaks from the tubing and I was taken back downstairs and put in the wagon. I wasn’t up to playing with any of the kids yet, so I laid back and took a nap. I was exhausted from the day's events. 

 

I woke up to a gentle tap on my shoulder. When I opened my eyes, a man was standing there smiling grimly. 

 

“Hey, Forest. How ya doing?”

 

“Dad!” I flung my arms around his waist. 

 

“Heard you had a rough day.” He rubbed my head. “We missed you.” 

 

“I missed you too!” I looked around. “Where’s mom?” 

 

“She’s having a chat with what’s-her-name. She pulled her aside and said there were some things they needed to discuss before we could bring you home.” 

 

“Oh,” I said, feeling heat rise into my face. 

 

“That’s new.” He lifted the blanket off me to expose the hip brace. “They got you all bandaged up.” 

 

“Six weeks!” I complained.  

 

“Love what you’ve done with the decorations though.” He said with a laugh. He pointed out all the pads stuck to it.

 

“Don’t ask.” 

 

“Here, I brought you something, I think you’ll want back.” I watched as he disappeared out the front door returning after a few minutes pushing something. My wheelchair! It was a bit of an odd angle, but between my dad and Edgar, they managed to get me sitting up in it. I did a few victory laps ecstatic I could regain some kind of control. 

By the time my mom and Elaine appeared, the kids had set me up an obstacle course of toys, trash, stuffed animals, and art supplies for me to go through. I was on my fastest lap when I heard my name being called. 

 

I drove over where my mom stood and she threw her arms around me and gave me a big hug.  

 

“I missed you so much!” 

 

“I was only gone a day.” I said playing it cool and leaving out the part where I had cried myself to sleep thinking I’d never get to see them again. 

 

“We have good news for you!”

 

After I said good-bye to all of the kids, Elaine had handed me a bag. 

 

“In case you need another option.” I thanked her and she walked next to me as I wheeled out the front door. “I had a good talk with your mother. She’s more open minded about the diapers than you gave her credit for. It was never about how much work it would be, it was about how it would affect your self esteem. Your mother loves you very much, and I think it’s safe to say they aren't about to leave you in some home. I don’t think you have anything to worry about there.” 

 

When I was all loaded in and we had barely made it a block down the street. My mother burst out with excitement, “You’ve been accepted into the medical trial! The one where you needed to be a Texas resident for!” 

 

“Huh? Really!?” I said with excitement. “If it actually worked…”

 

“It would be life changing.” My mother said, finishing my thought. 

 

My mind wandered with the possibilities. Could they really strengthen my bones? It seemed like the thing of science fiction novels. 

 

“I’d no longer be the Girl Made in China.”

 

“Oh, stop calling yourself that!” my mom chastised. “You’re the Girl Made of China! OF not in!”

 

“Why do you call me that?” I asked. 

 

“Because you're precious and irreplaceable.” 

 

I had nearly fallen asleep when my hand touched the bag Elaine had given me. I had forgotten all about it. What was it she had said? In case I needed another option? I reached my hand in and pulled out a small white sealed bag. On the cover it depicted several female stick figures with a line of black dots leading from to the ground. One image in particular caught my attention. A woman sitting in a wheelchair with the black line leading from her into a toilet ( or a bush, bottle, etc.) I grinned. I guess I didn’t need to be a boy after all.

[WBDaddy]

That's a very satisfying end, even if I'm a little sad the tale of Jasmine stops here.  Another brave and intense yarn you've spun here, Sasha.

[D503]

Lovely story. Perhaps there's a chance of an epilogue one day.

[Ishigreensa]

It's over!  NO!  No....!  

It was captivating for sure.  I wonder if you rushed the ending for some reason, but the story was really good.

[YourFNF]

Great story, surprised it ended so quickly but it was nice to see such a sweet dynamic.

[Orion]

That was a great story! Thanks for writing it!

[SashaButters]

My attempt at narrating chapter one.

 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1W88lZTRg6I7nnVNLtvOGVrIv1LuW2LDn/view?usp=drivesdk

 

[herezulo]

9 hours ago, SashaButters said:

My attempt at narrating chapter one.

 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1W88lZTRg6I7nnVNLtvOGVrIv1LuW2LDn/view?usp=drivesdk

 

This was really cool of you to do. Looking forward to the other chapters, if you decide to narrate those.

[SashaButters]

10 minutes ago, herezulo said:

This was really cool of you to do. Looking forward to the other chapters, if you decide to narrate those.

Thanks ^^ I've never read out loud before or recorded my voice so I think it came out decent for a first try ? learning how to edit has been challenging! 

 

[Apache Raccoon]

6 hours ago, SashaButters said:

Thanks ^^ I've never read out loud before or recorded my voice so I think it came out decent for a first try ? learning how to edit has been challenging! 

 

Hey, if I may I'd like to put in a request for more of your story audio narrated: 

I'm enjoying what you've done so far

 

[SashaButters]

8 hours ago, Apache Raccoon said:

Hey, if I may I'd like to put in a request for more of your story audio narrated: 

I'm enjoying what you've done so far

 

Thank you! I really appreciate that.  I'm going to try more once I can be home alone again. It's impossible to record when everyone's here making noise. Not that I want my family hearing what I'm recording anyway xD

[Bluebird67]

Thank you for a wonderful story. I’m not sure why I missed it until this morning, but I’m quite glad to have been able to read it through in one go - even if there may have been other things I should have been doing!

[SashaButters]

So I just recorded chapter two and,  oh man xD It's terrible. I think I'm getting sick because my voice is super gravelly. Oh and my tics lol! I think I yelled something in there about kangaroo sex. I have a lot of tics I need to edit out. I might make a collaboration of them and stick them at the end just for laughs.