A Decade of Pleasure and Frustration

[SketchPatch1760]

Well well well, DailyDiapers.

 

You don't know me, but I know you. Oh boy, do I...

 

My name is SketchPatch1760. I'm 25 years old and and I've been visiting your site for 10 years. That's right, 10 years. I remember when Diaperspace was a thing and Internet Explorer reined supreme. Of course, that was back when I was a teenager starting puberty. I'm autistic (high-functioning Aspurgers), suffer from anxiety and depression, and tend to act on implusive (though I'm working to fix it). This are EXTREMELY important to my story.

 

I consider myself one of you. I've had sexual and nonsexual attractions to diapers for years. I remember getting strange feelings for the diapering scenes in Rugrats, especially the forced changing scene in Maybe Baby and Potty-Training Spike. Thinking hard enough, I can vaguely remember getting placed on the changing table at my church's nursery as a 2-3 year old. It felt great to find a community that relished in the same things as I.

 

I even started my own ABDL account on Deviantart back in 2018 under the name SketchPatch176 and began making fanart. In 18 months, I reached 450 followers and even got a few commissions done. I made TONS of ABDL art and stories of Gravity Falls, Steven Universe, Star Vs The Forces of Evil, and The Loud House. I made a lot of ABDL friends there and was generally happy.

 

And yet...it's also been a great source of frustration and pain.

 

When I started reading ABDL stories and getting off to them, most of them were of underage kids and teens. I still remember my first ABDL story being Baby Katie over on FoxTaleTimes. I didn't know or care at that time. The scenarios in these stories were hot and I loved picturing them in my head (later even imaginging myself in the place of the protagonist). It's only now, when the feelings still persist, that I worry.

 

Once I got into my older teens and learned what child porn was, my enjoyment of ABDL started to turn into paranoia. Was I reading child porn? Did jerking off to stories of kids and teens getting diapered and babied make me a pedophile?

 

To makes things worse, my mom found out about my fetish and for the last 10 years, I've been trying to convince her (and myself) that this fetish isn't illegal and ammoral. I've defended you guys countless times to her. However, the fetish still worries her and, after all this time, it worries me too. She kepts hoping that I would grow out of it and called my art "boarderline risky."

 

This worry eventually consumed me with fear and acting on impluse, I did the impossible: I deleted my SketchPatch account. I just...I couldn't take the stress anymore. It was eating away at me and in pure desperation, I thought that purging it all would relieve me of all the pain.

 

But it only made me feel worse. I felt like a drug addict on withdraw it was that bad. Even now, six months after the act, I still feel this way and constantly debate whether I should have done it or not.

 

Now, I'm currently seeing a therapist, who tells me that drawing art and stories of underage characters is wrong and promotion of rape culture/sexualizing the image of children. I do see some truth in her words, but it doesn't make the urges go away. It only gave me even deeper conflicting ideas of the ABDL community.

 

I mean, our community claims to be completely against pedophilia, child exploitation, and child porn, yet ADISC, DailyDiapers, AR Archives, ABDLStoryForum, AB/DLStories, AB-DL.com (now gone), Baby Brrr Nursery (now gone), ZityBitz, Deviantart, and many more sites have TONS of stories staring under-18 protagonists in both sexual and nonsexual ABDL stories. And that's not even mentioning the fanart community.

 

Now, I consider ADISC and DailyDiapers to be the kings of the ABDL community, the experts. If anyone can explain this double standard to me (or at least emphasize with me and my issues), it would be you guys.

 

So I ask you...How? How can our community constantly claim to stand against child exploitation and the involvement of minors in our kink when we are CONSTANTLY doing the opposite in our stories and fanart? I've seen everything from underage characters being sissified to forcibly diapered to even mentally/physically regressed. How can this not qualify as animated child porn? Why do we get off to stories like this?!

 

I'm sorry for sounding so judgemental, but this stress is literally KILLING me! My soul feels like it's being yanked in a hundred different directions and my self-confidence has plummeted. I'm not totally blaming you guys, but sites like this gave the younger, impressionable me a sexual interests in stories/art of underage characters in diapers and I need help. I don't want to feel like a closeted pedo or perv all my life.

 

Please...help me. Explain to me this double standard.

[~Brian~]

On 11/4/2020 at 12:16 PM, SketchPatch1760 said:

To makes things worse, my mom found out about my fetish and for the last 10 years, I've been trying to convince her (and myself) that this fetish isn't illegal and ammoral. I've defended you guys countless times to her. However, the fetish still worries her and, after all this time, it worries me too. She kepts hoping that I would grow out of it and called my art "boarderline risky."

 

This worry eventually consumed me with fear and acting on impluse, I did the impossible: I deleted my SketchPatch account. I just...I couldn't take the stress anymore. It was eating away at me and in pure desperation, I thought that purging it all would relieve me of all the pain.

 

But it only made me feel worse. I felt like a drug addict on withdraw it was that bad. Even now, six months after the act, I still feel this way and constantly debate whether I should have done it or not.

 

Now, I'm currently seeing a therapist, who tells me that drawing art and stories of underage characters is wrong and promotion of rape culture/sexualizing the image of children. I do see some truth in her words, but it doesn't make the urges go away. It only gave me even deeper conflicting ideas of the ABDL community.

 

I mean, our community claims to be completely against pedophilia, child exploitation, and child porn, yet ADISC, DailyDiapers, AR Archives, ABDLStoryForum, AB/DLStories, AB-DL.com (now gone), Baby Brrr Nursery (now gone), ZityBitz, Deviantart, and many more sites have TONS of stories staring under-18 protagonists in both sexual and nonsexual ABDL stories. And that's not even mentioning the fanart community.

 

Now, I consider ADISC and DailyDiapers to be the kings of the ABDL community, the experts. If anyone can explain this double standard to me (or at least emphasize with me and my issues), it would be you guys.

 

So I ask you...How? How can our community constantly claim to stand against child exploitation and the involvement of minors in our kink when we are CONSTANTLY doing the opposite in our stories and fanart? I've seen everything from underage characters being sissified to forcibly diapered to even mentally/physically regressed. How can this not qualify as animated child porn? Why do we get off to stories like this?!

 

@SketchPatch1760

First, let me tell you that I hear you, and understand that you feel the way you do.  You feel that your feelings are "natural" or "different" and you are doing some soul searching - This is NORMAL - You don't quite feel right about something, or someone in your "influential sphere."   They think that either engaging in, enjoying, thinking about, or drawing pictures that deal with your fetish is WRONG:  They may not think that it is right, because they think its gonna lead to rape/incest or other deviant behaviors, or that it deals with young children, when IT DOES NOT involve kids in any way.  Diaper fetishism involves CONSENTING ADULTS all 18 or OVER, and involves them engaging in activities that allow them to ACT/FEEL like little kids:   Mainly wearing and using Diapers, onesie's, and other baby clothing, and using baby bottles, pacifiers, etc.  These are ADULTS that want to regress for whatever reason, and enjoy being ittle as an escape, and many of them HAVE to wear diapers, for whatever reason, so they add other aspects of ageplay to their diaper wearing or they choose to live as a "little."

However, let me be CLEAR:  Daily Diapers has a STRICT set of policies: Just as an example, We CANT post pictures of any MINORS or anyone underage.  We would be in violation of the rules for this, and @DailyDi (mikey) has established rules for those who wish to post story content.  These rules are PINNED at the top of the Roleplay and Story forums.  You CAN write stories about this, but they must follow these rules.  I won't quote these, because if @DailyDi@Elfy@AwakenEvil@spoonchicken @Glennie or other admins see this thread, I am sure that they will be able to explain this further, and to help you if you are questioning how DD handles the rules.  The Rules are set in such a way so that DD is very aware of what is allowed and is NOT where the server is located.  The rules are set up in such a way that they are pretty easy to follow, and if you have a question regarding the rules, you can and should always ASK if unsure.  I will state that I believe that we have the best admin team here, and if one of them finds a problem, they are pretty good at dealing with it, and if necessary, @DailyDi will and does make the final decision.  This means that while you are a visitor or a member here, you should know the rules, and understand that they exist for a reason:  They are here so we can enjoy DD, and all other sites that are associated with it.  If you break the rules, you may get a warning, and than it may result in harsher penalties if warranted for continued rulebreaking.

There is a difference between "Child Porn" and "Adult Baby Roleplaying and Story Writing".  This is why there are guidelines for what you can write about, and how you write about it.  If ANY of our Staff thought that anything written here was like that, it would be GONE as soon as it was detected.  Remember, Role Playing and stories are ways to "play" and place the person in that situation.  It is Ok to write stories, but they need to conform to the posted guidelines. 

The most important thing is: DD is here for us as a community:  WE DO NOT CONDONE the exploitation of anyone.  Remember, Diaper Fetishism is supposed to be between consenting ADULTS. (There are Teens that comprise the ranks, but they would have their own "sub culture", and while teens may be involved in the fetish, if they are UNDER 18, they would be dealt with by DD admins, because Under 18's are NOT allowed:  You must me 18+ to join, and if detected, underage members would be REMOVED!

 

On 11/4/2020 at 12:16 PM, SketchPatch1760 said:

So I ask you...How? How can our community constantly claim to stand against child exploitation and the involvement of minors in our kink when we are CONSTANTLY doing the opposite in our stories and fanart? I've seen everything from underage characters being sissified to forcibly diapered to even mentally/physically regressed. How can this not qualify as animated child porn? Why do we get off to stories like this?!

 

The difference is, that as much as possible, we have guidelines that we can follow as members, writers and netizins.  For example, here on DD, Admin @Elfy usually handles most of the story and roleplaying forums.  If someone questions whether a story is "pushing it" he would be able to tell how far it is being pushed, to an imaginary line.  If you have a question on whether something is "pushing it" when you read the guidelines, you can always ask for help.  This way, you are less likely to get into trouble.  

 

On 11/4/2020 at 12:16 PM, SketchPatch1760 said:

I'm sorry for sounding so judgemental, but this stress is literally KILLING me! My soul feels like it's being yanked in a hundred different directions and my self-confidence has plummeted. I'm not totally blaming you guys, but sites like this gave the younger, impressionable me a sexual interests in stories/art of underage characters in diapers and I need help. I don't want to feel like a closeted pedo or perv all my life.

 

Please...help me. Explain to me this double standard.

Let me make you feel at "ease" here:  If you Like diapers, you LIKE diapers, and you most likely have had these feelings for a LONG while.  What you have done is to "repress them" and "lock them away" for fear that you would be found to be a diaper lover, or that that you would be discovered, because you are enjoying reading stories about them, and characters who are partaking in them.  There IS NOTHING ILLEGAL, IMMORAL, or BAD about having feelings about wearing or using diapers for their intended purposes.  Just because you like diapers, this does not mean that your mom or a psychologist or a psychiatrist need to make you feel like you are less of a person or to make you have to see a therapist, where he/she is telling you bad things about feelings like this.  You HAVE the the feelings NOW, and you will ALWAYS have the feelings, and you may go through stages of "binges" and "purges," where you wear or use for a while, and then stop for a while, then PURGE, then do it again and again.  You will ALWAYS have the feelings, but the trick is, how you CONTROL the urges, and find ways to appropriately deal with these.  If you are an ADULT, there is nothing wring with exploring, so long as it is done in the appropriate manner.  If you want to wear a diaper, as long as you can do it in an appropriate way, then do it - If you live at home, this may be difficult, but I ASSURE you - a Diaper Fetishist is NOT a pedopile, and it has NOTHING to do with that, but there are CREEPS that do the bad things, which give this fetish a bad name, or set up the AB/DL community in a bad light.

This is why I hope @Elfyor @DailyDi see this:  perhaps they have another way to either expand on what I have already said, or or to set the record straight on rules and other concerns you have.  In addition, I may be missing an important point, but there is NOTHING to be afraid or ashamed of:  Your Mom may NOT understand why things are the way they are, as she may think the worst, but maybe too, you do not fully understand, and that is why YOU are reaching out as well:  I have had a diaper fetish since I was 8, and I have been incontinent for years, on and off, because of limited mobility/IBS/Diverticulitis and Cerebral Palsy, and in 2020, after dealing with the effects, I decided to use diapers to deal with it.  Diapers or the feelings you experience are NORMAL - Don't put yourself down because you have the feelings:  It may take YEARS to understand why/what is going on:  In my Case, it took 24 YEARS for me to figure it out - You are in good company here, don't be afraid

Good Luck!

Brian