Questioning myself

[Ohpoorbaby]

Hi im a natural male im attracted to females but i like to wear women's clothes i want to have long girly hair and want to be a female i hate life as a male i hate mens clothes i feel gross for being a male ive been seriously considereding getting gender reassignment surgery male to female i know the money part wont be a problem i know im ready to give up any straight male privileges i have i want to be a woman when i have intercourse i fantasize about being  a woman male organs cause me discomfort i never want to have a child so im not worried about that i realize life may be more difficult for me as a female than a Male i dont want to insult anyone im genuinely unsure what to call myself or if there are others like me male or female and whether or not I'd be seen as insulting by the LGBTQ community if i got surgery to become a woman and tried to go out with other women please help me

i apologize if i offended anyone im not trying to 

I just need answers 

Thank you 

[Snugglebear_69]

Gender and sexual orientation are two very different things. From what you are describing you may be transgender (a woman) and also a lesbian (sexual orientation). There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. As for being worried about what people in the LGBTQ2+ communities may think . . . It isn't about other people, it's about you. Be who you are and who makes you happy and don't get too tied up in terminology.

[Octavian]

First of all I would stop worrying about labels. If you're unsure of what to call yourself I would recommend "your name" lol. Sexuality can be fluid and, for some, so can gender. Before you jump to conclusions or panic I would recommend talking to somebody about it, either a close friend or a professional. Find your own happiness and figure the rest out later.

[kasarberang]

7 hours ago, Snugglebear_69 said:

As for being worried about what people in the LGBTQ2+ communities may think . . . It isn't about other people, it's about you. Be who you are and who makes you happy and don't get too tied up in terminology.

I agree 100% with Snugglebear here! Don't worry about what others think. It's not their life it's yours, live it how YOU want to, don't worry about offending people or anything like that. So long as you're not hurting anyone (which you aren't/wont be) than what's it matter what they feel/think? You do you.

[ifeelpink]

I can relate to how you feel. I'm amab and romantically attracted to women. However, over the years and especially over the past 5, I've desired to present and be identified as a woman. For me personally, I'm still in the closet to all but a select few, but I've grown my hair quite long, have kept as clean shaven as possible, and have been slowly adding more clothing to my wardrobe that suits how I feel. I have also felt guilt on being in a relationship not knowing if my partner would be accepting of dating someone who's at least gender-fluid or at most, closeted trans-woman. Confidence is something I'm actively working on improving. 

However, the most important thing is that you are happy. Whatever people may say or assume, only you can definitively say who you are, not others. There are people on this board and in the world as a whole that are accepting and will be more than willing to accept you for how you are! ?

[Rachael-Little]

The best advice is find a good counselor that can help you sort out your feelings.

there are many good gender counselors out there.

i wish you the best 

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

You do not "find yourself" you build yourself. The materials you use are your interests, knowledge, skills and experience

[Evelyn Dellcerro]

On 11/18/2020 at 10:48 PM, Rachael-Little said:

The best advice is find a good counselor that can help you sort out your feelings.

there are many good gender counselors out there.

i wish you the best 

I agree totally with what rachael is saying. There are many proffesionals that can help you with these matters. I am a female married to a male sissy and life has never been better !!

[amorfraldaJR]

Dude dont question yourself. Believe me I went through that, and I won. Don't battle with yourself. Go seek a professional in the field and save yourself the heartache. I just turned 18 and I see that you are just a year older than me. I went through a lot finding myself, and now that I know what I want I am at the head of the line and ready to jump in feet first.

[Transfusionelle]

@Ohpoorbaby I am a natural male that has been dressing as a female for the last 23 years. I am bisexual, and very well endowed. I say that because I have no desire of getting rid of my penis or getting any kind of surgery. I have enjoyed sex with men and women and I never, ever label myself. None of this top, or bottom labeling because I enjoy using my penis and making men and women moan with pleasure. You say you want gender reassignment surgery, so why don't you go for it ?  You say you feel gross being a male, and wish to have sex as a woman. Go speak with a specialist and get started on your journey. You are relatively young and you might as well get it done now before you get cold feet. You are in no way offending me, only because your situation is the norm. I have a few very close friends I work with that did do the surgery and live a normal life now as females. I also work with males that dress as women for the money. I love womens clothing very much, because mens clothing is so drab and boring. I love my high heels and skirts and dresses, and I try to look good. I am married to a woman and she loves me just the way I am. I started with diapers only as a way to not have to use a bathroom while I work. I don't have time for bathroom breaks because I enjoy making money. See a good gender counselor and get things rolling. I pray and hope you do the right thing for yourself. The best of luck and huge hugs and kisses.

[~Brian~]

49 minutes ago, Transfusionelle said:

I love womens clothing very much, because mens clothing is so drab and boring. I love my high heels and skirts and dresses, and I try to look good. I am married to a woman and she loves me just the way I am. I started with diapers only as a way to not have to use a bathroom while I work. I don't have time for bathroom breaks because I enjoy making money. See a good gender counselor and get things rolling. I pray and hope you do the right thing for yourself. The best of luck and huge hugs and kisses.

@Transfusionelle

You not only try, you SUCCEED - You take pride in who you are, and the way you dress, and you take really good care of your wife @Evelyn Dellcerroyou don't just "look good" honey, you are a "KNOCKOUT" like your wife is.  One thing I am NOT is a liar, and I am serious - you've got it going on, and that's the God's honest TRUTH! ***HUGS & KISSES****

@Ohpoorbaby

I agree with everyone that has posted here:  You may question your status, but eventually, you will come to a crossroads, where your "feelings" will be your guide. 

On 2/3/2021 at 3:36 AM, amorfraldaJR said:

Dude dont question yourself. Believe me I went through that, and I won. Don't battle with yourself. Go seek a professional in the field and save yourself the heartache. I just turned 18 and I see that you are just a year older than me. I went through a lot finding myself, and now that I know what I want I am at the head of the line and ready to jump in feet first.

As @amorfraldaJRsays, the battle is very hard sometimes, and you will probably want to seek a professional to help you.  Many times, the struggle is overwhelming, and you are young, so you will find that emotions and feelings are running high - (highs and lows), so don't worry about making the "jump" as he did right NOW, as you may not be ready to do that yet.  Seek professional help, and please know that you are NOT alone in your journey - @Snugglebear_69says:

On 9/25/2020 at 2:12 PM, Snugglebear_69 said:

Gender and sexual orientation are two very different things. From what you are describing you may be transgender (a woman) and also a lesbian (sexual orientation). There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. As for being worried about what people in the LGBTQ2+ communities may think . . . It isn't about other people, it's about you. Be who you are and who makes you happy and don't get too tied up in terminology.

and that is correct:  and not only that, as stated, you should not worry about what others think, because in the end, it is your life, and your decision - Do what makes you happy, and THAT is the most important thing to remember.  and one thing I have learned is to TRUST your instincts, and close friends and respected members here:  They have the right idea, and another thing:  When @Evelyn Dellcerroor @Transfusionelletalk, (as in the E.F Hutton Commercials) People LISTEN!   They have also given you GREAT advice, and I am confident that you will have many people that you can get support from that have or are currently experiencing what you are now.  TRUST Yourself, because with help, you will find your way eventually, and Eve and Elle are awesome, because they are like "sounding boards" and they have helped me, and many others to come to terms with the feelings and thoughts I was experiencing.

We are ALL a team here, and each of us has unique qualities:  Eve, Elle, and @amorfraldaJRare all listeners: They've been there, and each respondent to this post has a unique prospective, and gave GREAT advice:  do not be afraid of asking for advice if you need it, because there are many of us that can give you different viewpoints

Good Luck!

Brian

 

[Star Baby]

I needed to see this today. I am sitting here with the power out and just kinda reflecting on life and my own journey I've been going through. This site warms my heart because @~Brian~ said we are all a team here. I have came in and out of the nursery/closet so much that my wife/mommy gets to choose if I play as a boy or girl. I figured out I was gender fluid and definitely a little. I am 32 been struggling with Who or What I am forever, but through love, weed and diapers I found out it don't matter what the world sees you as. As long as you love yourself and just be yourself @Ohpoorbaby

 

Also love to @Evelyn Dellcerro and @Transfusionelle your relationship inspired me a "little" You both are badasses that live life how you want and sweet to boot

[Transfusionelle]

2 hours ago, Star Baby said:

I needed to see this today. I am sitting here with the power out and just kinda reflecting on life and my own journey I've been going through. This site warms my heart because @~Brian~ said we are all a team here. I have came in and out of the nursery/closet so much that my wife/mommy gets to choose if I play as a boy or girl. I figured out I was gender fluid and definitely a little. I am 32 been struggling with Who or What I am forever, but through love, weed and diapers I found out it don't matter what the world sees you as. As long as you love yourself and just be yourself @Ohpoorbaby

 

Also love to @Evelyn Dellcerro and @Transfusionelle your relationship inspired me a "little" You both are badasses that live life how you want and sweet to boot

@Star Baby Its not about being a baddass sweetie. We are people just like anyone else here. We cry, we bleed, we feel pain like everyone else. I've been dressing for 23 years. Many here are young and have not even started out to experience life. As I read so much of the binge and purge that people go through it saddens me. I was raised that if you enjoy something and its not hurting anyone then you go for the gusto. I never cared what others thought about how I dress. I love myself first then I love and help others. Meeting Evelyn was a once in a lifetime shot for me. She strengthened my life and my being. We live our life together, and we live our lives to enjoy. In Evelyns case to love and be with someone for over 25 years and he was not even into diapers. There are so many depths of love. I am just starting to find myself here also. I have never loved to these depths, but I jumped right in and took off my bathing suit a long time ago. If weed and diapers help then you go for it. As for @~Brian~ heres a man with a heart of gold that loves to help others. I would love to see him happy with a girl hanging off his arm and a big smile. Brian you deserve to be loved and I pray every day for you. We are all here to help each other and have friends to fall back on. Love may not be easy or perfect, but love does exist in all of us.  Peace to you all. 

[~Brian~]

1 hour ago, Transfusionelle said:

@Star Baby Its not about being a baddass sweetie. We are people just like anyone else here. We cry, we bleed, we feel pain like everyone else. I've been dressing for 23 years. Many here are young and have not even started out to experience life. As I read so much of the binge and purge that people go through it saddens me. I was raised that if you enjoy something and its not hurting anyone then you go for the gusto. I never cared what others thought about how I dress. I love myself first then I love and help others. Meeting Evelyn was a once in a lifetime shot for me. She strengthened my life and my being. We live our life together, and we live our lives to enjoy. In Evelyns case to love and be with someone for over 25 years and he was not even into diapers. There are so many depths of love. I am just starting to find myself here also. I have never loved to these depths, but I jumped right in and took off my bathing suit a long time ago. If weed and diapers help then you go for it. As for @~Brian~ heres a man with a heart of gold that loves to help others. I would love to see him happy with a girl hanging off his arm and a big smile. Brian you deserve to be loved and I pray every day for you. We are all here to help each other and have friends to fall back on. Love may not be easy or perfect, but love does exist in all of us.  Peace to you all. 

@Star Baby

@Transfusionelle is correct:  being "badass" does not have anything to do with you trying to find yourself.  @Evelyn Dellcerroand her wife @Transfusionelle are like 2 bookends, and I say this because they work together as a TEAM and they LOVE and CARE about and for one another, and their family.  We all go through struggles and question who and what we are, and WHY we feel the way we feel.  Because of Eve and Elle, I was able to understand what I was dealing with:  Why I liked diapers, HOW did this happen, is this WRONG, or bad?   NO NO NO NO - Elle is right:  when you can accept something and understand what it is you are dealing with, you will find, that, as she says, that you don't HAVE to "Binge" and "Purge" anymore, because you are enjoying something that is NOT hurting anyone else, and you GO for the gusto - Elle, for example, accepts who she is, and is NOT afraid of what anyone else thinks or believes, because she LOVES herself, and if she wants to dress in pretty dresses, or she wants to dress down, and be more comfortable that is what she does:  Love, is powerful, and I can tell you, it can do amazing things:  As @Transfusionelle says in her OWN words:

2 hours ago, Transfusionelle said:

 I never cared what others thought about how I dress. I love myself first then I love and help others. Meeting Evelyn was a once in a lifetime shot for me. She strengthened my life and my being. We live our life together, and we live our lives to enjoy. In Evelyns case to love and be with someone for over 25 years and he was not even into diapers. There are so many depths of love. I am just starting to find myself here also. I have never loved to these depths, but I jumped right in and took off my bathing suit a long time ago

Love works in mysterious ways.  Eve and Elle live their lives to enjoy, and when you find that special someone, you KNOW you did, because your heart tells your head, and it may take a while for your head to "get it."  I remember my Grammy LeBlanc once told me, along with my aunts and uncles that my Dad (who was single and dating a friend of my cousin's at the time) should ask this lady to marry him.  I told them that it was Dad's decision to make, and I could "tell him many times" but that it was in the end, his decision:  Then 2-3 weeks later, I went back, and my uncles and aunts were taking "bets" as to how long it would take Dad to pop the question, and I was being asked "Woudn't she make a great stepmom for you?"  I say "I LOVE her, but this one's My Dad's Call"  Dad married her, just as Eve married Elle, and the rest is like a storybook, being written page by page.

Elle "Jumped in" and is still finding herself:  It takes time - Its not something that you are gonna go to bed and say "what the heck is going on" then wake up and go "Viola" I have it":  It takes TIME, and with a partner like Eve, she's gonna have the love and support and all that she needs, and they work together, so the love, understanding, and all the other important stuff come together, and that turns to CEMENT - you can rise, you can FALL, but you always have each other

2 hours ago, Transfusionelle said:

As for @~Brian~ here's a man with a heart of gold that loves to help others. I would love to see him happy with a girl hanging off his arm and a big smile

awwwwwwwww..........*BLUSH* you KNOW I wanna give you the BIGGEST HUG and Kiss right about now, don't you?  Someday, I pray I find that person - Everyone says I have a heart of gold, and sometimes, I have had people exploit my heart and kindness, which makes my mom upset.  Nothing would make me happier than to have a friend who loves me for WHO and WHAT I am, and with whom I don't have to worry if I am forgetting to do something, or worrying that someone is gonna dump me like a load of granite - I sometimes wonder if I could marry without losing benefits:  If I do, then Good Bye disability, because there is a "marriage penalty" if you marry and you have SSDI/SSI, and that has to be changed in the Social Security Act.  However, all they wanna do in Washington is allow RIOTS and bad things to happen, and there's NO punishment, but I get ONE DOLLAR more than I am supposed to, and its almost as bad as LYING to Eve or Elle to their faces - Then I get PUNISHED, but THEY can do anything to you, and make your benefits Start/Stop, Go Up. Down, etc - Life isn't FAIR Ladies - When will the people we elect actually understand that the PEOPLE elected them, and do what WE elected them to do - Trump is the WORST President is modern HISTORY, and he gets away with something I would be held to answer for:  LYING:  EVERY TIME he SPEAKS

Life SUCKS when you do the wrong thing, but when you get away with it, it is even worse:  I'm Glad I don't have to worry about that *HUG*

 

2 hours ago, Transfusionelle said:

Brian you deserve to be loved and I pray every day for you. We are all here to help each other and have friends to fall back on. Love may not be easy or perfect, but love does exist in all of us.  Peace to you all. 

Thanks to BOTH @Transfusionelle and @Evelyn Dellcerro for that!  You just made my day:  I would be hugging the hell outta both of you today: My left shoulder and arm HURT from the top of the arm, to the tip of my finger, and I think I need some TLC:  Glad I have good friends here - I Feel LOVE radiating from this place, and from you both as well - I miss ya both

 

5 hours ago, Star Baby said:

Also love to @Evelyn Dellcerro and @Transfusionelle your relationship inspired me a "little" You both are badasses that live life how you want and sweet to boot

Now, These 2 ladies inspire ME as well: To step out a little and explore who I am, and what I feel, and they are here as GREAT role models and friends.  They live their lives the way that they want, and YES, they are "sweet as strawberry wine."  I am sure that they have helped many others as well.  That is why I said we are all a "team" because we all have different experiences, and we all can gain from others experiences - and YES, they are sweet, like Honey   I can ask them anything, and they are gonna be honest and open about it - that's Eve and Elle to a "T"  I love them for that *HUG*

5 hours ago, Star Baby said:

You both are badasses

In my mind, being a "badass" means that you are confident, able to handle yourself, you don't take any guff, and when someone tries to mess with your head, or give you a line, you know how to deal with it/handle yourself.  If that is what being "badass" means, because they don't take any guff, and will hold people accountable and remain strong, and true to themselves, no matter what, then @Evelyn Dellcerro and @Transfusionelle are "badass."  It means you use your wits, and your "street smarts" and you know there are times you should say "should I/we do this?"  Badasses can be GOOD people too, or they can be really tough and like the Hell's Angels:  It just depends on how you carry yourself - If I were in Manhattan, I would be LOST, but Eve and Elle would be whipping around like PROS because they know the areas they frequent, and they know the times that it may not be a good idea to be somewhere

Eve and Elle do this every day: Some people may think that they are tough, and because they "act" foolish, that makes them a "badass."  No Sir:  All that does is make anyone who thinks they are tough look like a BLINKIN' FOOL:  One thing that a "foolish" badass does, is that they LACK one thing:  CLASS, and they think that by running off with the mouth makes them TOUGH - That's BULL CRAP - sometimes being tough means you don't engage, and you walk away, or you laugh because the person is really acting SILLY - I've done that, and in a case or 2, had to FIGHT for it, because someone was punching me in the face   I won that fight, and the dude that hurt me was ejected from summer camp, but I spent 3 weeks in the infirmary IN BED

 

I betcha if Hiawatha was chasing Eve and Elle, and kept saying "I'm Gonna TIE You Both UP, Yep, that's what I'm Gonna do", then Eve and Elle would say "Try It" and then he would, and Hiawatha would be Stripped, Plugged, Diapered, spanked, Tied in KNOTS, and have a LONG time to think on that one - hehehehehe   As Bugs woud say "I dood It, I geta whippin" and then he has a PIE he throws at someone, Bugs would get that whippin', and eve and elle would enjoy the PIE (and giving him that whippin')

As I said:  Being Badass has nothing to do with "finding yourself."  It is a state of mind, or the way you choose to carry yourself: it means that you show your confidence and your true self.  You don't have to threaten anyone or be a "big bad boy" - You mind your manners and have standards, and you choose your battles:  all the while, remaining true to yourself:  You don't have to be a biker with chains and knives to be tough:  You use your head

Brian

[Star Baby]

I love you all.

 

I do want to clear up my usage of the word badass. I don't mean it in any sort of negative way. I mean it more as you have went through alot and came through it. I don't know your journey and would never ask unless you want to share it. I didn't mean to make you picture bikers more picture strong independent women and as a little I look up to that. My wife has never judged me for what I love, she just didn't know it leaked into my everyday life not just the bedroom. I may never get to fully come out and dress how I want in the real world and that's ok, I can deal with it because mommy loves me.. she even started baying me in ways I never expected and all from a simple talk. Ironic how one little conversation can change a 13 year marriage and a 15 year relationship. I am lucky as well. @~Brian~ you'll find love and you have picked two good role models.

 

Once again all love and hugs 

[~Brian~]

56 minutes ago, Star Baby said:

 I do want to clear up my usage of the word badass. I don't mean it in any sort of negative way. I mean it more as you have went through alot and came through it. I don't know your journey and would never ask unless you want to share it. I didn't mean to make you picture bikers more picture strong independent women and as a little I look up to that. My wife has never judged me for what I love, she just didn't know it leaked into my everyday life not just the bedroom.

@StarBaby

When I use the term "badass" I mean it in the most positive light possible, and @Evelyn Dellcerroand @Transfusionelle I see as two individuals who have their wits about them, and they know how to use them, and handle themselves well.  They ARE very independent women, and they know what they want, and how to get it, and they GO for it:  Bikers, Chains, knives, and a LOUD MOUTH and all that are things that some people associate with being badass - Eve and Elle are people we look UP to, RESPECT and Love, because they are true to themselves all the way, and will give you an honest appraisal or opinion on things:  Being badass in this example means that you are using your smarts, your wits, and CLASS and always remember that there are times to run, and times to FIGHT:  each of them had/has their struggles, but they are TOGETHER, as a Loving Team, and live the life they want, and well, they are "special" to many of us

As a little, I can understand why you would look up to them - They are awesome people, and I also look up to the as well - As I said, being confident, strong, capable and able to handle themselves as they do is makes them special - You don't have to be tough as nails. like a biker gang, but these 2 are UNIQUE, because they set an example that says "No ones gonna screw with me, cause I'll be READY to outsmart them........."

I use that term in all kindness and love, and not meant to disrespect

Brian

Edited February 17, 2021 by ~Brian~
corrected punctuation

[Transfusionelle]

@~Brian~ I speak for myself and Eve.  We take everything you say with the utmost respect sweetie. If the dinner table was set Brian, you would be at our side. You will always have us as friends here, and there will always be a place in our hearts for all of you. We love this site and we are here to lend any and all support. There are many young mixed up, and confused people like I said that are just starting out their lives and have not one clue as to what is happening to them (why do I like diapers ? why do I have these feelings ? This is not right, people are going to think I am crazy ?). If we can get even one less person that purges a day, then we have done something right. Get one person to love themself and you are on the right track. Love you all !

[Star Baby]

I love this site you all make my heart dance and twirl. I told mommy about this conversation and she agrees that I need to find more people like you all. I get the purge behavior cause that does describe me. Sorry I took over thread as a love note to you all

 

Edited February 17, 2021 by Star Baby
Fix word

[Rachael-Little]

13 hours ago, Star Baby said:

I love you all.

 

I do want to clear up my usage of the word badass. I don't mean it in any sort of negative way. I mean it more as you have went through alot and came through it. I don't know your journey and would never ask unless you want to share it. I didn't mean to make you picture bikers more picture strong independent women and as a little I look up to that. My wife has never judged me for what I love, she just didn't know it leaked into my everyday life not just the bedroom. I may never get to fully come out and dress how I want in the real world and that's ok, I can deal with it because mommy loves me.. she even started baying me in ways I never expected and all from a simple talk. Ironic how one little conversation can change a 13 year marriage and a 15 year relationship. I am lucky as well. @~Brian~ you'll find love and you have picked two good role models.

 

Once again all love and hugs 

I will say this Star, anyone that can find a loving wife who accepts things about us that are different  is very special 

I hope you know what you have honey.  I wish my ex could have understood me better, but I know it’s a two way street so make sure you make her feel special 

 

[Star Baby]

@Rachael-Little I try to everyday. She doesn't see that she's doing anything by being so accepting. I told her she's my unicorn, she's my only person I've been intimate with. She is also the one who incouragrd me to try panties for the first time and now we share or she buys me my own. She even bought me a pair of lil monster rearz socks to wear at work when I can't get comfy.. Shes never seen the lifes thats been ruined or hurt by coming out..Shes like a Momma Bear she protects me. Even if I am a 6 ft 280lb man with a beard. She makes me feel like her little Star Baby.

[Transfusionelle]

@Star Baby I sit here in awe at your words. Spoken like a true lover. It never mattered how big a person is. Love will bring you to your knees. Like my wife says to me "there are many depths of love, Your heart decides how deep you are willing to go". So true how many lives have been ruined over a piece of plastic and padding.