Why do i have this fetish?

[GannerStorm14]

So my story is, im currently 29 years old. I vaguely remember being toilet trained and being told off as a kid, and not liking it. I do remember wetting the bed a few times but i dont remember ever being put into diapers.
Never had a girlfriend but when i was around 17/18, i started with rubber--rubber fetish.
Then when i was 18 and i was watching this advert for baby nappies and it clicked. From almost nowhere i had this desire to try and wear nappies. I got bambino first, and they were like XXL and far too big for me.

Then i started on and off getting diapers / nappies. Purging and binging for almost 10 years.
By 2015 it was starting to fade,
then family members diied.
It came back with a surgence but i also suddenly want to do adult baby stuff like pacifiers. 
Im in the process of going through another binge. I feel really guilty  when using, though its easier, wearing especially without a sexual release.
Any advice or help?

[oznl]

Nobody chooses this.  Sorry it chose you.  I'm sorry it chose me but that doesn't change a thing.  It doesn't go away so you're going to have to somehow make a pact with this.   The only upside is that there is an abundance of examples to suggest that you CAN make some pact with this and live with it.   The first trick is to forgive yourself (this is NOT your fault anyway) and having done that, move on to creating a framework you can live with to have this in you life:  it isn't going anywhere and it's NOT that bad.

[XyXy]

Don't purge would be my advice. When you are done binging, simply save whatever you have left in a box somewhere out of sight. The last time I purged was some 20 years ago. You need to accept that this is not going away, and it is not the worst thing you can have. Once you wrap your head around that, the binge and purge cycle can stop, and you can wear when you want. It can go many ways. Some wear once a week, some once a day, and some 24/7. You decide what works for you. But first you need to accept this part of yourself and stop purging. I think I only binged and purged two or three times in my early 20's. It was dumb looking back, because each time I would binge harder. Once I realized this would never go away, I stopped purging and accepted it. Over time I came to wear 24/7, and have for 11-12 years. 

It is ok to wear as little or as much as you want. If the desire fades, or you feel guilty, just hide your stuff until the urge comes back, because it always will. No need to ever purge again.

[GannerStorm14]

Think is this is the worst binge yet, i bought 3 x 15. And usually i end up throwing away the rest of the pack and desire fades.
This time i haven't thrown away the pack, but the desire to wear is still strong. Its not fading for now. I just want to wear more.

[maly]

As has already been said this is a part of who you are and it will always be there. Try to ignore those guilt feelings they will only serve to gnaw at your brain, and go with the flow, wearing a nappy and using it is not a sin or wrong in any way.

These are the cards we are dealt all we can do is play them.

Maly.

[spark]

On 10/26/2019 at 5:38 AM, oznl said:

Nobody chooses this.  Sorry it chose you.  I'm sorry it chose me but that doesn't change a thing.  It doesn't go away so you're going to have to somehow make a pact with this.   The only upside is that there is an abundance of examples to suggest that you CAN make some pact with this and live with it.   The first trick is to forgive yourself (this is NOT your fault anyway) and having done that, move on to creating a framework you can live with to have this in you life:  it isn't going anywhere and it's NOT that bad.

I'm not even really sorry it choose me.  It just is something that is part of me.    I don't think my life is any worse off because of it.

I could have made a similar post to the OP 21 years ago, so I know exactly where he is coming from.    I think the key to controlling the binge/purge is learning how to control those urges so that it doesn't dominate your thoughts.  I was about 36 the last time I had a really strong binge.  Mind you, I wear diapers more often now than what I did during the binge, but it doesn't dominate my thoughts now.   I had stopped for a long time, and I had a an extreme urge to go home and put on a diaper.   Since then I've made sure that I don't force myself to go without a diaper.

[babymaggie]

The lifestyle chooses you and I used to think I was bad. I would go through binges but one awful medical diagnoses 12 years ago made me embrace my little sides.  They have been apart of me for as long as I can remember.  Maybe because I had open heart surgery at two, or being almost kidnapped twice, having a crazy old neighbor lady come to your bedroom window with a shotgun looking for my father when I was in early elementary that made the urge to be a baby strong in me.  In the end it doesn't matter, I am who I am and I have learned that I love this side of me.  It helps me cope with the stress in my life.  I took a two year break from this website after my mother died but I still kept my little sides, my diapers which I need 24/7, bottles, blankie and toys.  I do not plan to give them up anymore.  I guess the stress of graduate school and such has made me come back here, a form of stress reliever I guess.  I guess the thing is after purging so many times, I think you get to the point that you either accept and embrace the lifestyle or you are torn about living the lifestyle and continue to just binge and purge. Anyway try not to feel guilty, this chose you and the best thing to do is to try and figure out the best way for you to live with it. I always found that the urge gets stronger the more times you binge and purge.

[babystevie1987]

For a lot of people including myself, it is a stress relief. I think if I didn't have this fetish or whatever you like to call it, I would be doing something worst. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs or self harm. This is a safe and relaxing way to deal with the ups and downs of life. 

Don't get me wrong. I to have purge and binge in the past but no more. It is a part of me and there are weeks I don't need to diaper up and there are weeks I must to be happy and stress free. Especially now a days when my new role in my job can be crazy stressful. 

I won't trade this lifestyle with anything else. Its who I am and it keeps me safe. Why change or even want to.... unless you wet your diaper  and don't want a nappy rash ???

[Alex Bridges]

Guilt is for people who are doing something wrong. Just remind yourself of that when those feelings come up.

[nappylover78]

On 10/26/2019 at 1:38 PM, oznl said:

Nobody chooses this.  Sorry it chose you.  I'm sorry it chose me but that doesn't change a thing.  It doesn't go away so you're going to have to somehow make a pact with this.   The only upside is that there is an abundance of examples to suggest that you CAN make some pact with this and live with it.   The first trick is to forgive yourself (this is NOT your fault anyway) and having done that, move on to creating a framework you can live with to have this in you life:  it isn't going anywhere and it's NOT that bad.

There's many worse things that could have "chosen us" than this... sure, it comes with its challenges, but also brings us a lot of pleasure and offers an alternative stress outlet to more harmful activities (I do drink alcohol, though not to extremes, but I don't do any of the other things referenced in babystevie's post...)

Would I want to be rid of it? Not without something significant to fill the big hole it would leave.

[bwiannewick]

Congrats on 29.  I was that age at one point too!  As a matter of fact 29 was when I got married and here we are 23 years later.  Being able to binge and purge may be a good thing for you if you if you are a fetishist.  I mean, think about it, there are a ton of things in the world to explore, like...  I dont know...  Fisting.  

However, take a look around.  When I realized I was an adult baby there were about 300 members of the old organization called DPF and tetradactylies used to deliver hand carved pieces of granite to my mail box every 2 months!  Now, there are 10,000's of Thousands of people around the globe who LIKE diapers in some way!  Heck, there are adult babies living in Amsterdam that dress in onesies and go out to the public square for the milkshake festival with their daddy.  We as a group, have come so far!  

You mentioned that a loved one died and now you are back in diapers.  That was either because of the stress of the loss or the celebration of the loss.  Celebration can be exceptionally freeing.  Celebrating their life, celebrating their teaching in your life.  Celebrating that they helped you to be who you are.  Right now that is having a small interest in diapers in some way.  I am sure you are like me...  I have a small interest in Dodge Pickups, and Numismatics.  I think Jeeps are awesome.  

But deep in side when I stop and realize it, I am me because those who have loved me that have died, loved me.  They had their own interests and oddities.  I will never know what my grand parents interests and oddities were.  They never told me.

Diapers are a part of mine.  Dressing up to toddle off the bed and waking up to a wet diaper, plastic pants, a pacifier in my onesie are all just ME.  Sure, I binged and purged...  ONCE!  Then I got down to business meeting people like me or who would support me.  Great lifetime friendships have developed and you know what?  VERY FEW of those friends still wear diapers.  

When we go to visit, do I stop wearing because they dont?  NO.  Is it a little weird to get ready for bed at 9 at their house when they no longer are into this scene, sure!  But they accept me.  Why?  Because I accept them, they are my friends and that is what friends do.  

Perhaps I have it easier than you.  Back when I was 29 and ran into my hubby, I ONLY LOOKED in the roster of DPF and found him.  I put a stamp on an envelope and enclosed a photo...  I then waited for him to respond.  I simply knew that I was always going to be an AB and I needed someone who I could love on and support them to be themselves so that they could love on and support me for being who I am.  It just made sense to only focus on people like me.  23 years later I am still an AB but there is a lot more to me than just that!

My diapers just go along for the ride.  They are with me when I am running one of my businesses, they are with me when I work on a project for a friend, they are packed when I go camping.  They dont limit me, they actually kind of empower me while making me as unique as the 10's of thousands of people around the globe like me!  Bwian

 

[ThomasInWVa]

I'm not a DL or AB. I wear diapers due to nerve damage. (And would stop if possible.)

From my point of view, if it helps you feel better, less stressed, or happier, just accept it. Yes, it is strange to want to wear diapers or suck on a pacifier. But it's a LOT better than drugs, booze, or other self abuse.

You will get no negative judgement from me. In fact, I'd think better of the obvious diapered AB than a drunk or stoner.

[iweardiapers]

On 10/25/2019 at 9:31 PM, GannerStorm14 said:

So my story is, im currently 29 years old. I vaguely remember being toilet trained and being told off as a kid, and not liking it. I do remember wetting the bed a few times but i dont remember ever being put into diapers.
Never had a girlfriend but when i was around 17/18, i started with rubber--rubber fetish.
Then when i was 18 and i was watching this advert for baby nappies and it clicked. From almost nowhere i had this desire to try and wear nappies. I got bambino first, and they were like XXL and far too big for me.

Then i started on and off getting diapers / nappies. Purging and binging for almost 10 years.
By 2015 it was starting to fade,
then family members diied.
It came back with a surgence but i also suddenly want to do adult baby stuff like pacifiers. 
Im in the process of going through another binge. I feel really guilty  when using, though its easier, wearing especially without a sexual release.
Any advice or help?

Binging is the worst. I’m a Christian so I’ve learned to first and foremost keep God first. I’ve also learned to love who I am as a person and diapers are harmless and comfortable. I’m finally at a point to where I can love who I am. Seriously just gotta love yourself and reality diapers are just a comfortable form of underwear 

[ABAlex]

I don't think there is anything wrong it it in itself, and I don't know if you can ever say what caused it. If you are feeling guilty, then perhaps that is something you need to work through. Outright banning it from yourself cold turkey isn't going to help anything, and there is nothign wrong with having a kink. Perhaps instead of seeing why have the fetish, figure out what it is about the kink that you enjoy, and go from there. Is it comfort? Feeling loved? Embaressment? Up to you