Hiding DL from partner

[ClosetK]

I have enjoyed wearing diapers (or just going in my pants) since I was a young kid, but I thought I was just a weirdo and I never told anyone. A few years back I had a partner who admitted to the same fetish, and we had quite a bit of fun together. But we’ve since divorced, and I have never gotten the courage to bring up that subject with my current partner. He’s rather tight-laced and I’m pretty sure this would be a turnoff for him.  I have been trying to abstain for over 3 years now. I thought it would be something I could quit if I wanted to, but I’m finding it’s not. I woke up one night recently after a dream that I messed myself, and I haven’t been able to push it to the back of my mind since then. Every time the urge to go hits me, I have to make a decision whether to cave to temptation and risk getting caught in a mess, or to drag my ass to the toilet and do the “adult” thing. Yesterday I almost lost that gamble when he woke up earlier than I expected, just as I was about to let go. 

How do you hide your activities from housemates and not get caught?

[Snugglebear_69]

I live with my Wife and my boyfriend will most likely be moving in with us once we have our civil commitment ceremony. So, i only live with and will live with people i love very dearly.

The simple answer to your question, I don't lie to the people that I love. I don't hide who I am from the people I love. I don't deny the people i love the basic right to make informed decisions about who they share their life with.

I have never understood people hiding and/or lying to their partners about their interests. Certainly everyone is entitled to their own choices, I'm not in anyone's shoes but my own, but i just can't fathom disrespecting people I love in that way. If you suspect your interests are a turn off for your partner shouldn't you give them the courtesy of being the one to make that decision?

Personally, I dont like pup play but my Daddy does. He told me, even knowing it freaks me out, and we were able to have a rational, respectful conversation. Isnt that a big part of what being in a relationship is about? I dont have to like everything my Wife and my Daddy do, just as the same goes for them about me  BUT I still think it's critical to be honest and share with those you love.

Little kaiya

[drynot]

Its better to be open and honest in a loving relationship.  That said....only you can know what your current relationship is really like.  If you plan on taking it the distance then honesty is the best policy.  If you think that its likely to end anytime soon then you might want to keep the secret.

[DiaperedAllTheTime]

It really depends on what your need is to wear diapers.  If it is an every once in awhile thing than I suppose simply finding times when you are alone and have some privacy should suffice.  If your desires to be diapered demand you wear them more frequently than you may find it impossible to hide from your partner. 

If caught you always have the choice to simply say you are incontinent.  I know if my children ever find out that I wear diapers permanently that is what they will be told. 

If a partner has problems accepting that you need to wear diapers for WHATEVER reason then maybe it is best to reevaluate your partner.  If diapers make you happy and your partner makes you happy then you may have to decide what is more important to you.  

Honesty is really the best approach in this situation, both to yourself and to your partner.  I know my wife could not truly accept my need to wear diapers until I was completely open and honest with her.  You would be surprised.  Love can and does find a way to see past dirty diapers.

[LittleAmytheil]

You never know what your partner is going to say until it happens.

My partner and I are both big gamers, and he would always joke about "Call of Duty players wearing diapers" and how that's gross, etc.  Being me, I nodded and smiled, agreeing with him with a single thought in the back of my mind: He'll never know I like to use diapers.  Ever.

Long and short, he found my stash while looking for a Renaissance Faire belt I stored for him.  I don't know when he found it, but I know he found a guide on how to talk to/engage littles...and he was trying!  And of course I'm trying to convince myself that he's just being cute but... HE KNOWS.

And fast forward to today, he's the most supportive person about it.  We talked about it in the most awkward car ride ever, and talked about the whole thing, and what it means to me.  He wants me to do what makes me happy, even if I don't want him involved.  I don't want him to see/change them (yet), but he always gets a good laugh embarrassing me and patting my diaper butt.

[Windrunner]

You are who you are, and that's not likely to change a lot. But your partner deserves to know who you are, and life is a whole lot easier when you can be completely honest with someone.

My partner used to be somewhat into the DL part of me, but was traumatized by a family member who went through some serious health problems, which included incontinence. We've learned to use language that changes it to something they accept: it's not a diaper, it's a pull-up. And I am OK with them just knowing that I am wearing one, but understanding that seeing it or feeling it would be upsetting. Maybe in a couple years they will become comfortable with using the word "diaper" again. Or maybe not. 

Short version, being honest doesn't always mean agreeing about something. But to me, life is much easier when I am honest about who I am and what I like. Sometimes my partner will hear something and go "ooh!". Other times, they might go "eww". I don't force them to be something they are not - even if it's something that will likely change - but being open about who I am makes life so much simpler.

[stevewet]

I am very lucky my wife knows I am DL as a result of having to wear nappies and it doesn't bother her at all.

[ClosetK]

Thank you all for your advice, you’ve really opened my eyes to a different perspective on this. I’m not going to rush into telling him, but I am thinking of ways to ease into that discussion with him.  

[Joey_AB_DL]

I have known I liked diapers since I was 4 y/o and started to realize the fetish / erotic side in my teens. I am 47 y/o now.  My wife and I met in the army in the 90’s, a time when I was able to keep the urges at bay (mostly).  We have been married for 24 years.  I have never told her and I don’t know if I ever will.  Part of me enjoys the taboo aspect and wants to keep it private, the other part of me would like to share this with my wife, and openly indulge at home.  I don’t know if I ever will disclose it.  
 

Our daughter has been out if the house for 4 years now and I now have a secret stash.  I indulge on days when my wife works and I don’t, so a few times a month.  I really enjoy my diaper days.  
 

I have gone through binge and purge cycles, too many to count.  As a matter of fact, I just spent $200 restocking after a purge event prompted by guilt and convincing myself I might be able to deny the urges.  But I still struggle with acceptance of myself, probably why I can’t bring myself to share with my wife.  
 

my point, I don’t think I will be able to share this with my spouse until I accept myself.  Probably not a revelation, but it is my reality.  Maybe I should spend some of that binge/purge money on psychologist.
 

There is a lot of good advice here, and some great stories of acceptance and love conquering our fears.  Sadly, there are also a few stories of those who have sacrificed relationships on their journey for self-acceptance.  
 

Perhaps I am a hypocrite; I value my relationship enough to not risk it by disclosing this taboo side of my personality, but I must not hold that same relationship high enough to purge myself of what I cannot accept or to be truthful.  I won’t get into the debate in whether one can ignore fetish urges.

Whatever you decide, be prepared to accept the consequences.  Just my $0.02, which is all I can spare after throwing a $100 case of Bambino’s and many ABDL accessories away and then restocking...LOL

joey.

[Zdog]

It struck me recently that about 25 years ago when I first came across websites dealing with AB, DL and ABDL activity I was partially relieved to realize that I wasn’t alone but also somewhat repulsed to see that some people were actually using their diapers. At the time I was only into wearing plastic pants and diapers didn’t really excite me. After spinal surgery and a seizure I find myself incontinent and require diapers now. While this gives me “justification” for wearing plastic pants over my cloth diaper(s) it wasn’t that easy to accept. Thanks to a home healthcare worker that helped me understand “it ain’t no big thing” and helped me to make the necessary adjustments it no longer bothers me. My ex-wife recently passed away and some friends have been encouraging me to “get back out there” but I’m not quite sure what any woman is going to think about me wearing diapers. As I was pondering this I started to see that I really don’t care what many folks think about me or my being padded. I find this both freeing and sad. Freeing in there being very few people who’s opinion I care that much about and sad in that there are very few people who’s opinion I care that much about! It’s also quite interesting to see how radically my opinion has changed about using my diaper(s) and how in finding how much that I enjoy it. Stay padded.

[rusty pins]

19 hours ago, Zdog said:

 My ex-wife recently passed away and some friends have been encouraging me to “get back out there” but I’m not quite sure what any woman is going to think about me wearing diapers. 

You are 63.  Unless you plan to "get back out there" dating women half your age, keep one thing in mind.  It's likely that women around your age or a little younger have had some instances of light bladder leakage themselves.  The fact that you have a medical need to wear diapers at your age will probably not turn off most women in your near age bracket, especially if they too are looking for companionship.  Not to sound crude about it (as I myself an 61 years old), but the clock is ticking at our age to find a compatible companion to spend the rest of our years with,

[Zdog]

You’re right, if I’d known that I was going to live this long I would’ve taken better care of myself. The number of commercials for bladder leak underwear has given me some hope in the area of female acceptance. My ex-wife and I separated 8/91 and our divorce was finalized 4/93. That’s over a quarter century that I have been doing what ever I chose to do so I’m not sure how it would work out for me to be telling a woman what I want to do  or her telling me what she wants to do. It may sound silly but Penny was the one that wanted the divorce as I believe in marriage for life. The primary pool of women that I would be dating is from church, or possibly Christian dating sites which adds to my concerns about my diapering being a problem for them. At the same time I realize that I’m attempting to analyze a woman’s feelings that I haven’t even met yet and that’s a difficult enough task with one that you’ve lived with for a dozen years.