24/7 startups, and unexpected pitfalls?

[Cruiser 03]

If she’s like my other half those letters spell Psycho ?

[Little Sherri]

I'm reminded today that Bambino makes good diapers, and possibly, good dreams, as well. They aren't often on my shopping list, because there isn't a local outlet for them, and ordering them direct, online with the exchange rate and shipping makes them a bit pricey. But they did run a sale a while back - a long while back - and I did buy some Skooldoodles at the time, their answer to a Rearz Barnyard, basically - a plastic diaper with hook/loop fasteners. I hadn't put one on for a while because I wasn't envisioning restocking on them with any frequency, but out of curiosity, because my jeans are fitting a bit better these days, I decided to try them again last night, under said jeans. 

I put them on a fair bit before getting ready for bed. I was wearing one of those placeholder diapers I've talked about - a Prevail - after binning a soaked Rearz Splash in order to run an afternoon errand. The Prevail was past its safe limits, it was just after dinner, bedtime proper was still some hours away, but I needed to change. It didn't make sense to put on another stopgap nappy, so I reached for something... medium-heavy? The Skooldoodle is not as capacious as the Mega Barnyards I now have, but it's about the equal of a standard Barnyard, or a Safari or any of their ilk. Considering I don't wet much overnight, typically, I figured an 8 PM start time might equate to a diaper I could be in until noon the next day, and, indeed, it's 1:28 and this thing still has some runway left in it. I wouldn't wear it out at this point, but sitting in my office in it and a golf shirt, I don't feel like I'm flirting with danger. 

This Bambino feels... different. I am doing a poor job of articulating why, even to myself, except to say that it has a "hug" to it, and a softness which is very comfy. The plastic has that European feel - those of you reading this sitting in BetterDry's or Crinklz will know what I mean. I'm sure they're all made in the far East, but you can detect slight philosophical differences in the intentions of the people who commissioned a diaper. ABU has their "feel", as does NorthShore, and Rearz has several. Bambino has theirs as well, and it is... welcoming. They seem to do a bit less of the "totally swollen up front, totally dry out back" routine. 

Perhaps because I went to bed already a bit wet, or perhaps because @oznlprimed the pump, with his comments above, by talking about weird dreams, I had some weird dreams, and I found myself awake and contemplating my diaper at least a few times in the wee hours. I had at least one "I've pooped my pants" dream (didn't happen), and one where I was reading on a lounger in the backyard, on my stomach, when a cluster of friends arrived, and I chatted with them amicably, all the while wearing a towel overtop of my diaper - I thought - until I realized that my towel was draped over my back, not the diaper, and then I kind of shrugged because any motion to correct that would have drawn attention to that which I didn't want to draw attention to. I woke up with the blankets pilled up beside me and my legs, and my diaper uncovered, while my wife watched a show on her phone, having her usual difficultly sleeping. So that's where THAT dream came from. It was a warm night, one of those where you probably could have turned the A/C on, but, in Canada, in October? So, you don't. You kick the covers off instead. 

Other dreams were weirder. I have a snippet in my head of kissing a short girl in a lightweight skirt - I could feel that the material was sheer -  and being intensely aware that I had a diaper on, so I was trying not to press up against her, but she almost wanted to climb into my arms, and I was conflicted. I don't think I was married in the dream? It felt like continuing to kiss her would be lovely, but, somehow ill-advised, though necessarily not due to my marital status - I think it was related somehow to her, but also, always, the diaper - what if she noticed it? I woke up disappointed to have left her. 

Then, my subconscious generated a dream about walking around in a diaper, in some kind of large, semi-private space. It was like I'd rented a convention hall - I knew it was off limits to the public, but, there were lots of doors and hallways, so I couldn't completely relax. 

SO, there you have it - after a drought of memorable diaper dreams that has lasted for months, I had a few in rapid succession in one night, plus an attempt at a romantic interlude. Perhaps because of my Italian diaper. Bellissimo. 

[Little Sherri]

I had a very interesting conversation with my sister last night. We were reviewing my parents' paperwork, wills, etc - not exactly a fun occasion. The ongoing health crisis is ongoing for my mom, although my stepdad has rounded a corner. I worry about setbacks with her generating setbacks for him, though. And the financing of the whole thing... we live in Canada so the hospital component is largely free (except for usurious parking fees), but for long term care, it's a buyer's market. The free option ain't pretty. 

But I digress. We got to talking about one of her friends who is a teacher, because of some labour strife on the horizon in that sector, and she talked about this lady, who teaches Kindergarten, having to deal with kids who aren't potty trained. I told her about that article that was posted here, about a teacher in Switzerland who said she had an 11-year-old in pull-ups in her class (omitting the "So I saw this on my diaper fetish site..." aspect), and then the topic pivoted to me.

I basically never talk about anything diaper-related with my siblings, unless it comes up wholly organically, which isn't the case very often since none of us have very young kids anymore. I am very warry of belabouring what is, let's face it, not a common topic for most people, because they were there when my stepdad yelled at me while waving one of my homemade diapers around, when I was 13 or so, and of course they were there when I wore diapers to bed for most of my childhood. I shared a room with my brother for most of that time - the box of diapers in my closet was also in his closet. I was being diapered on the bunk below his bunk.

I wear diapers all the time now, so I don't want to leave any trail of breadcrumbs that might cause one of them to complete the puzzle and come up with the picture in the middle of it, if a crease or a bulge or a crinkle ever comes into their awareness. SO as much as it might be interesting to try and tap their memories, I leave it alone. 

But there we were, and she brought it up, so, I tossed in my two cents, and that caused her to so volley back, refloating a theory that she mentioned before. I'm paraphrasing and summarizing, but basically, she said:

"Yeah, I still can't believe that mom and dad made you wear diapers for so long - I know that you hated it."

I was glad to hear that she thought I'd hated it - that confirmed for me something that I'd hoped had been the case - that they thought the episode around my secret diaper stash was about my still wetting the bed, not me being a diaper fetishist at 13. So I responded that I thought they had me in diapers not so much to stop the bedwetting, as to manage it - there weren't really a lot of options back then.

She said, "But what about the vacations and driving up to the cottage? You don't think they thought making you wear diapers was supposed to make you stop wetting? I think they were hoping to shame you out of it. That was a common tactic when they grew up, you know."

"Like hanging the stained bedsheets on the clothesline, that kind of thing?" I queried, pretending I'd never heard of such things. 

"Yeah, exactly. You used to want to stay in the car whenever we stopped anywhere, and they made you get out and walk into restaurants and hotels and parks." 

"Yeah, but most people probably didn't know or care what I was wearing under my clothes. A lot of that was a product of my own anxiety, not their intention, necessarily."

That caused her to chuckle. "You were clueless - mom used to make me swear to you that nobody could tell, but half the time your diaper was sticking out of your pants, you know. I'm one hundred precent sure that someone told them making you wear diapers was going to shame you into not wetting the bed. (Redacted - my brother's name) agrees with me. I figured it was uncle (redacted - mom's brother) - he used to comment from time to time."

THAT did ring a bell - I remembered my dramatically overweight, smoking, perpetually bearded uncle with no kids pontificating on a few occasions about how other people should deal with their kids. But other than a grand slap on the ass he gave me once when I was in a diaper, getting ready for bed, I never recalled it being about that. He was mostly about "children being seen but not heard", probably because it cut into the time available for him to fill the air. He was a bit of a blowhard. 

"Wow, okay, I didn't know that you guys had developed a grand theory on this. I honestly never thought they were being punitive - I think they were just using the tools that were available - they didn't make pull-ups back then. Uncle (redacted) might have said something to them, but I think they mostly ignored him." 

"You don't think it was a big deal? Mom's sisters competed around everything related to us kids - how we did in school, if we got onto sports teams, who went to university - everything." 

"You think they were rubbing her nose in what I was wearing to bed? Really?

"I would not be surprised." 

Then the topic pivoted again, but my mind was left boggling - I'd thought that my history with "this" must have been but a dim memory to them by now, not a topic that they rolled around from time to time. 

[Little Sherri]

It's interesting to stare at the witnessed reality of one's "progress", or "regression" or however you'd phrase it. I was at a Halloween party over the weekend and I wore a slim prevail diaper under scrubs, the scrubs being my costume. I was worried the light material might give away a plastic diaper, but the downside of the Prevail, one of my gym diapers, is that they're only good for a couple to a few hours at most, and when drinking beer... a couple. 

I went and changed it out mid-evening, but then my wife left, and when she did, she took my diaper bag with her - it was in the car. So as the end of the evening neared, I decided to stop using my diaper reflexively, in case it tapped out. I got a ride home, and by the time I arrived it had probably been 90 minutes since I'd last peed, and suddenly, I had what I guess could be described as a bladder spasm - basically, it "pulsed" and I emitted some pee, luckily, as I was walking in my own front door, so no harm done. I went dashing up to my bedroom to get another diaper, and as I went up the stairs, I started wetting, and I could slow it down but I could not stop it. I didn't want to run into my bedroom with pee running down my legs so I tried to hold off as best I could, but there was no stopping it. I think my wife figured something was up when I sprinted into the bedroom, grabbed the first diaper in my drawer (Inspire+), and ran into the bathroom. 

In the bathroom, I dropped the pajama pant-like lower half of the scrubs, opened one side of my diaper, looked inside, and willed the flow to stop just long enough to get over the toilet without dripping anywhere, but I absolutely could not. The diaper gave out and a stream ran down the back of my leg, and I directed the rest into the bowl, but I got a little on the outside of the diaper and on the toilet seat in the process. SO, there you have it - had I not been in my own house and nearly in my own washroom, it could have been a disaster - I would have soaked through that diaper in about 1 minute and then been left with wet pants and maybe wet socks. I suppose I could have said it was part of my costume..?

Next time I'll wear an Active Air or Air Supreme - something with some cruising range, even if it's a little bulky under the costume. Bulk can be subject to interpretation, and disguised with artful tucking. A soaked crotch is considerably more obvious. 

[ozziebee]

I think that pee urge was the result of "key in the door" syndrome, and I think it's because your mind goes "I'm safe now", and relaxes.  Happens to me all the time.  I even get poop urges on occasion too for this - they can be very powerful, especially if I've been sitting down for a long time, like driving home from a long trip - even though I'd get no poop urges during the drive, as soon as I get to that front door, BOOM!

[Stroller]

8 hours ago, ozziebee said:

I think that pee urge was the result of "key in the door" syndrome, and I think it's because your mind goes "I'm safe now", and relaxes.  Happens to me all the time.  I even get poop urges on occasion too for this - they can be very powerful, especially if I've been sitting down for a long time, like driving home from a long trip - even though I'd get no poop urges during the drive, as soon as I get to that front door, BOOM!

Oh yes.  All the time.

[Little Sherri]

16 hours ago, ozziebee said:

I think that pee urge was the result of "key in the door" syndrome, and I think it's because your mind goes "I'm safe now", and relaxes. 

This is a very good explanation of events, and reassures me a bit that the same thing would not have happened had I still been standing in my buddy's living room at minute 90. It's interesting, though, to experience a verified loss of control in that department, because I've made no claims to that effect, at least while I'm awake, after more than 4.5 years of doing this. I've known for at least a couple of years that retracting the "go" command was all but impossible once things started up, but the spontaneous release on that timeline is new. I did conduct experiments in the past where I just held it as long as I could, to test my range, and eventually I couldn't hold it anymore, but that took a fair bit longer. 

 

[Little Sherri]

My wife is out tonight so I am taking advantage of having the house to myself to push a diaper into the danger zone. I'm still in the Mega Inspire+ I put on last night at around 9 PM, and it is just after 7 PM now. It didn't see much use in the, ahem, wee hours, but it's been a long day in the office since I woke up. I have had one little press-out leak at my right rear right before I got up to make dinner, which mysteriously seems to have cured itself. I'm taking the dog for a walk shortly - it's hovering just above zero here so winter garb and darkness will ensure discretion. Once I get back to the house, I'll hang around in just the diaper, and put a towel down on anything I sit on, in case the leak reappears. Then, I'll dash for a change when the dog barks his notification that my wife's car is on the driveway. I suppose I could pull pants on, wait until my daughter (who is out with her) goes to bed, and then go hang out in the bedroom for a while in my giant soggy diaper, but I think that might be pushing the limits of how forgiving she can be. Particularly if I end up having to wash the duvet. 

[oznl]

On 10/30/2023 at 9:21 AM, Little Sherri said:

 and by the time I arrived it had probably been 90 minutes since I'd last peed, and suddenly, I had what I guess could be described as a bladder spasm - basically, it "pulsed" and I emitted some pee, luckily, as I was walking in my own front door, so no harm done. I went dashing up to my bedroom to get another diaper, and as I went up the stairs, I started wetting, and I could slow it down but I could not stop it. I didn't want to run into my bedroom with pee running down my legs so I tried to hold off as best I could, but there was no stopping it. I think my wife figured something was up when I sprinted into the bedroom, grabbed the first diaper in my drawer (Inspire+), and ran into the bathroom. 
 

Text book case of "latchkey incontinence" (aka "key in the door" syndrome as @ozziebee puts it.  You can google latchkey incontinence.  Apparently it's a marker of poor bladder control.  Surprise, surprise and yes, we're all in that club now it seems...

I don't see it very much with pee because I make no effort to control pee but I DO unfortunately see it with #2 on occasion now.  I've gotten upstairs with a few loaded nappies now thanks to this piece of psychological caprice. 

[Little Sherri]

On 10/31/2023 at 3:17 AM, oznl said:

I don't see it very much with pee because I make no effort to control pee but I DO unfortunately see it with #2 on occasion now. 

Oh boy. I haven't had this happen yet. 

I'm batting cleanup today on a couple of minor notations.

I had a pee dream last night where I was taking a shower, and I felt that I needed to pee, so I did. Then, like an angel sitting on my shoulder, my subconscious more or less spoke to me, and said, "Hey, you're probably having a glorious wee in your bed right now!", which roused me in a way that is annoying when it comes to this particular alarm trigger, because, of course, I sleep in a diaper. I even had that argument with myself, probably as I ascended the water column of consciousness... "Hey, we can go back to the shower, we don't have to listen to that guy...". But it was too late - I could already see the light from the surface. The capper is, I woke up needing to pee, but I wasn't actually doing it. So I did it. 

Now, where that voice-on-my-shoulder is useful, is in the event of a nightmare. I don't have them very often - of course, talking about them will probably conjure one tonight, because the Universe has a sense of humour - but, when I do have one, almost universally, the following occurs: I'm in the terrifying situation, let's say, in a strange dark room and I can't find the light switch, and then, the presumed axe murderer starts walking towards me, as I'm feeling about frantically for either a source of illumination (though that would only improve their aim...), or a way out... and then that voice on my shoulder says, "Nah, mate, I guarantee you this is bullshit. Not happening. You should probably wake up." (I don't know why he has an Australian accent, but here we are). Then, I wake up. So it serves me well when being stalked by malice. 

Second note: I had a Rearz Select fail spectacularly on me yesterday. For those of you unfamiliar with the product, the Select is their single tab, all-white diaper, built, I assume, on one of their older, un-Mega'd InControl Original or Inspire non-plus chassis, or something. (It's like seeing the Korean version of an older Chevrolet on the road while you're in Europe - you know you know that car, but, you can't discern which one it's a clone to).

Anyway, they're kind of a novelty diaper, harkening back to the single-tab Pampers that people who grew up in the 1980's wore. But here's the thing: for all the lack of adjustability that trading two separate, medium-sized tabs, for one enormous single tab per side imposes, you can kind of take the Select seriously, because they still have a lot of padding in them, the tabs are relentless, AND, they're cheap as water - Rearz puts them on sale for like $60 CAD per case from time to time, making them not a bad choice for the money, sort of a midsized sedan for the price of a subcompact. A rental-grade midsize, but the back seat is roomy. 

I've successfully worn them for a few to several hours on a number of occasions. I remember saying to myself way back in time, well, these were cute, but I won't buy them again... and then Rearz had them on for 40% off, and I bought them again, because as a fill-in diaper, at that price, they bring a lot to the table. 

So, yesterday afternoon, I put one on, knowing that I was going out in the evening and I'd want to freshen up before departing - the perfect assignment for mediocre but inexpensive baby pants. Except, in the midst of a meeting, I opened the tap up.... and for my troubles, I got a trickle going down the hip under the wing, which lead to a damp spot on my right hip... AND, front overflow that dampened the bottom of my t-shirt... AND a leak at the back of my thigh. All at once. While I was sitting in a still-mostly-dry diaper. What a spectacular cluster of failure modes. It's like falling down the stairs with a glass of wine in one hand, and a pie in the other. I had to go off-camera, and get a towel to sit on for the rest of the meeting. 

THEN, when I wet again, a while later, reluctantly... the diaper took it. I wore that thing for a few hours, and it didn't leak again. 

[oznl]

9 hours ago, Little Sherri said:

Oh boy. I haven't had this happen yet.

It needs a provocation (dodgy chicken is my nemesis).  If things are running normally, I can manage.  If things are "loose", I often cannot and peak failure is "latch key" mode, getting to a place of safety.  This is preferably home but has also been my car (which is a psychological extension of home).

9 hours ago, Little Sherri said:

Oh boy. I haven't had this happen yet. 

I'm batting cleanup today on a couple of minor notations.

 Then, like an angel sitting on my shoulder, my subconscious more or less spoke to me, and said, "Hey, you're probably having a glorious wee in your bed right now!", which roused me in a way that is annoying when it comes to this particular alarm trigger, because, of course, I sleep in a diaper.

It’s a slight variation on this theme that has my subconscious repeatedly rousing me because I’m wetting my nappy (so WHAT??  Just leave me be!).

By the time I’ve woken enough to process what I’ve been told, the ship has sailed.  My nappy is already wet.  It won’t dry itself.  Nothing can be saved.  There is zero value in having been woken.

It’s not all the time.  Many nights I don’t sleep-wet at all.  Other nights I just wake up and find myself wet with no clue when it happened.  Still others, I kind of know when it happened because of some pee dream but there are STILL far too many nights where my subconscious gets in the way of things.

I’m firmly convinced our bedwetting is at best 30% physiological but 70% psychological.

9 hours ago, Little Sherri said:

"Nah, mate, I guarantee you this is bullshit. Not happening. You should probably wake up." (I don't know why he has an Australian accent, but here we are). Then, I wake up. So it serves me well when being stalked by malice. 
 

It reads as Aussie, yes.  A variant on this that I have is when something untoward happens in dreamworld, sometimes a part of me knows that it's just a fictional narrative and I can decide "let's just rewind and re-shoot that scene differently" which is nice after you've just dropped an important aquarium pump part that will take months to replace and keeps hundreds of liters of water off the carpet and seen it break into a zillion pieces.

[Little Sherri]

On 11/3/2023 at 8:22 PM, oznl said:

and I can decide "let's just rewind and re-shoot that scene differently"

I don't have a lot of R-rated dreams - never really did - but it seems such events would be an ideal opportunity to employ this capability. Alas, it never works out that way. If someone could devise a pharmaceutical, perhaps coupled with an hypnotic suggestion app, that reliably created this effect, I suspect there would be real money to be made. Although, imagine the hacking potential... "You're on a deserted beach, with that girl from the university volleyball team that you always fancied, and she's decided that her bikini top needs adjustment. You are the only other person for miles... BUT WAIT, Genghis Khan and a legion of horseman appear out of nowhere. Only their horses have any vestments on. Please dream your PIN now to authorize a credit card payment and return the beach to you and your dream girl. Or, prepare to be boarded." 

I have the house to myself this morning, so, somewhat ironically, I am cleaning the bathrooms, dressed only in a diaper and a ratty t-shirt. I am test driving a Rearz Select again under controlled circumstances - professional driver, closed track - to see if I can replicate the failure modes I experienced in the last one, of if that was an outlier outcome, perhaps precipitated by the tabs not being ideally placed on one side or the other. There's not much harm I can do, wandering my own house, carrying disinfectant cleaning spray and a roll of paper towels, should my nappy betray me. If this diaper is still in play when the family gets home, my current plan is to put on plastic pants (and actual pants), and continue with the failure testing, although, as reported before, I have a strange aversion to wearing plastic pants in front of my spouse, even when they're not actually visible. I suppose I could employ the full "out in public" protocol and wear a diaper shirt over it. 

I am within visual distance of my spouse going away for a week. My current plan is to try and see if I can go for a couple to a few of those days without using the potty in any capacity, although her departure also puts me in charge of a number of departments she usually manages, including making (or, more likely, ordering) food, the dog's every waking moment (currently split about 70/30 between her and I), and, transporting our youngest progeny everywhere she needs to be.

I also unexpectedly have a request on the agenda to assist with teaching a martial arts class - this one not for the indoctrinated, but, as a kind of beginner's guide to self defense for people who don't train. I don't really train these days, either - I have to confess that the pandemic beat me in this regard. I used to go to the gym 2 - 3 days a week religiously, and teach classes as well, but after it closed down and opened up and closed down and then tried to be an online gym (awful), my motivation reached zero, and even though it's been up and running like it used to for more than a year now, I'm struggling to remember how I ever found the time to participate that much. However, near to zero participation has had an impact on my waistline. 

For this class, I'm mostly going to be a crash test dummy for an equally-trained but much more serious martial artist to throw around, so I'm thinking that I'll wear one of my slim gym diapers and a onesie and just hope that any blows that land on my ass are of such a fleeting nature that the layer of puffy SAP-filed stuffing doesn't register. 

[Three Rivers]

On 10/29/2023 at 4:27 PM, ozziebee said:

I think that pee urge was the result of "key in the door" syndrome, and I think it's because your mind goes "I'm safe now", and relaxes.  Happens to me all the time.  I even get poop urges on occasion too for this - they can be very powerful, especially if I've been sitting down for a long time, like driving home from a long trip - even though I'd get no poop urges during the drive, as soon as I get to that front door, BOOM!

Yes, this happens to me all the time. 

[Little Sherri]

I thought I would copy and past part of my reply to another thread over here - the original question was, did you know any other bedwetters growing up? This got me thinking that maybe the commercial proliferation of "pajama pants", "night time underwear" and other pull-up products might be helping to destroy the stigma that used to accompany yellowed sheets billowing on the clothesline, and the crinkle of plastic mattress protectors. Or, if you didn't have yellowed sheets, then the crinkles might be coming from inside your pajamas - there seemed to be two branches on that parental decision tree, with one of them being "waterproof the mattress" and the other being "waterproof the kid." 

SO, whereas I had no idea if I knew anyone that was similarly afflicted, now, kids would probably answer "Yup," in a tone that suggested it was no big deal. Here's my response: 

The answer, for me, is that while I must assuredly must have been in the acquaintance of other kids who wet the bed, since it's far from an uncommon problem, I didn't know of them, because it wasn't talked about. I lived in mortal fear of anyone finding out that I wet the bed, or that I wore diapers at night (this was in the 1980's, so the the pre pull-up era.) 

In contrast, I have a buddy with two sons, both of whom, until recently, wet the bed - the older one finally outgrew it, at 13 - and both of them wore pull-ups to bed, and for them, it was no big deal - no mortal fear, no real detectable embarrassment of any kind. The older kid's close friends knew about it, so he brought pull-ups to sleepovers as necessary, and didn't sweat it. The last time I was there, his younger son, who's 10, came down to say goodnight after brushing his teeth, in just a pull-up - as far as he was concerned, they were his pajamas. 

My younger daughter still wears pull-ups on occasion, and she's more in the middle of the spectrum between where I was (crippling embarrassment), and where my buddy's kids are (totally nonchalant). She has a couple of good friends who knows she wears them, one of whom also wears pull-ups when away from home base, but my youngest definitely would not walk around in just a pull-up if anyone else were over at the house. 

**

In other news, I was so vexed by my Rearz Select disaster that I wore two of them into the ground yesterday... and guess what? They both worked okay. I wore one while I cleaned the house, and cut the grass, which was really more of a "turn the leaves to dust" project than one aimed at lowering the height of the lawn, which has stopped growing in response to overnight temperatures below zero. I binned that first Select when I was due for a shower, noting as I did that the liner was starting separate from the cover, probably because of the amount of walking, stair-climbing, ladder- ascending and tractor driving I had engaged in that morning. But it didn't leak or shed stuffing. 

Post showering, I put on another Select, this at about three in the afternoon, and wore it under jeans for the first half of its shift, as we had people dropping by, and then I switched to pajamas after dinner, to snuggle up and watch a movie with the family. I even considered going to bed in it, but while bedwetting isn't a common occurrence for me these days, it does happen, and I did have wine with dinner. A 70%-spent Select would not necessarily have held its post at the front lines under fire. But it was still comfy, perhaps wetter up the back than a lot of "super diapers" get, but I don't mind that more even distribution of dampness - it means more of the diaper is getting used. 

There are two possible, and possibly-intermingled, explanations for that spectacular first-wetting failure the other day: first, I might have had it on wrong - with single tabs, there is always going to be more compromise between a good fit around the legs and a good fit at the waist. Second, I spent a lot more time standing in that first diaper, than sitting, and in the second diaper, I spent more time reclining, than sitting upright, as I am now (in a Rearz Essential), IE as one does while typing or leaning into a display. So maybe they don't appreciate a day spent in an office chair. 

So, I'm gradually making friends with this inexpensive, comfortable diaper again, but, like sandals, the Select is not a diaper for all occasions. 

[Little Sherri]

Well, I did that martial arts session wearing a Tena Proskin Something-or-other, a onesie, and a lose-fitting gi. It worked out fine. I caught one snap-kick directly on the ass, but the person delivering it was wearing a padded boot, so I doubt they registered any unusual feedback. It was fun being back at the gym - I miss it. Covid, abandoned habits, moving, and, let's face it, wearing diapers all the time, have all come between me and that part of my life, but it was a major thing I did for more than a decade. I used to be able to find time for it 2 - 4 times a week; I don't necessarily need to return with that level of commitment, but I could go once or twice, benefit from the exertion, and keep my skills from getting too rusty. I felt like I was a mid-level student, not an instructor, at this class, although I wasn't actually instructing, in any case, I was more acting as a crash test dummy. My ability to absorb blows and get thrown has not diminished, although I'm sure the guy throwing me around got a workout out of it. I certain got a workout out of picking myself up. 

I should write to the folks at Tena and propose one of those customer testimonial-type adverts: "My diaper keeps me dry and confident, and the tabs stay were I put them, even when I'm being beaten like a pinata. Tena Stays in the Fight." 

I always wanted to see a laundry detergent commercial that was a little more gritty than "Keeping up with a toddler means we never have time to pretreat our whites. Lucky for us, Superb brand detergent brings more cleaning power to the table than the leading brands..." 

I'd like to see this: "We pulled a floater from the harbour that had been under the pier for days, and I thought the stains would never come out, but new Supurb with Bleach got my lab coat spring fresh with no pretreating..." 

[Little Sherri]

I've spent some time this past week going through my parents' stuff. They aren't going to be moving back into their place, and my stepdad only has room for, and needs, a fraction of what they had when they lived independently. My mom wants for no material objects whatsoever, and probably never will again. Sigh. 

My parents, my mom in particular, kept carefully curated photo albums; for those of you born after the turn of the century, those are books in which you insert photos that you took with a camera that used chemical film, and that was not part of a phone. You had the photos developed for you by a company that had machines to develop them, unless you were fancy and did it yourself with the red lightbulb and the trays of chemicals, but most of us didn't do that. An hour or a week after you dropped a roll of film off, you were handed an envelope with the pictures in it, printed on glossy paper. And when you want to share the photos with someone, you hand them the book. Also, you did not get to find out how your photos turned out until you paid for and received them.  

The albums are pretty easy to follow - my mom tended to write on the back of the photos, usually who was in them, and the date, and sometimes where they were taken. However, she had about a half-dozen shoe boxes filled with unsorted photos, sometimes duplicates or lesser versions of the ones in the albums, but more often just photos that she intended to put into an album eventually. I've been considering whether to go through those, or just to stack up the shoe boxes in the back of a closet and let my children deal with them when I die. Or maybe we'll get lucky and have a fire or a flood... kidding. Sort of. 

How this melancholy musing relates to the topic usually at hand, is as follows: frequent readers (both of you) may recall that my 20-plus-year absence from "this", IE, doing anything remotely related to being a DL, or at least a DA (diaper appreciator, not District Attorney..), stemmed from an episode wherein my stepfather found my diaper stash and yelled at me about it in front of my family when I was 13 or so. I tend to just say "when I was 13", but it may have been when I was 12. In any case, from then, to when I was in my mid-30's, I didn't wear diapers, make diapers, or buy them. In the meantime, I got married, and, the internet, or at least the WWW part of it, was invented. I never bothered looking for diapers there, either, or else I might have found this site years sooner. 

Then, one fateful day, I stumbled across a photo of myself in one of those albums, standing in front of the Christmas tree, in a white disposable diaper and a pajama shirt, when I was, judging by my size, probably 6 or 7. I've made this joke before, but I'll make it again - "this" all came flooding back for me, and I found myself, shaking slightly, in the diaper aisle in the drugstore within a week or so, eyeing the maximum weight ratings on bags of adolescent pull-ups. Why I didn't veer straight for the adult products, I don't know - I suspect it had to do with seeing those, then, as being for the terminally ill. Remember, I'd never Googled "this", so I didn't know about Rearz or Bambino, or ABU, or Daily Diapers. I thought diapers for adults were synonymous with diapers for the elderly, and I was trying to re-experience feelings I'd had when I was a kid wearing, of course, kid diapers. 

Eventually, in a quest for real, adult-sized cloth diapers, rather than resorting to towels, I finally did ask the interweb if anyone made them, and behold, Rearz.ca appeared, and my mind was blown. I drove out there a few weeks later, back when they had a store, and I've never looked back. I found this place in 2018 while on a business trip, killing an evening between meetings, and again, the effect was seismic. I though I was on an island of one, but the existence of Rearz suggested that there had to be others, and DD and other sites like it confirmed that supposition.  

And now, I find myself idly going through hundreds of photographs, and I know that there are more photos of me in there, lots more, and that in some of them, I was surly wearing diapers, although I doubt that there are very many where my diaper would be the only thing I'm wearing, at least not past age 3 or so. I suspect that fateful photo that my mom or dad shot that Christmas morning occurred because I'd jumped out of bed and bolted for the Christmas tree, since it was the only thing I'd been thinking about for weeks, weeks that had felt like months, in the way that time seems to flow like molasses when you're young and looking forward to something. It wasn't normal for me to allow photos when I was dressed that way, because I lived in mortal terror of one being given to my aunts or grandparents, and ending up framed on a wall somewhere, for my cousins to see. 

It will be interesting, if I do find more, to be sitting there, in a diaper, in my 40's, looking at myself when I was a kid, in a diaper, probably never thinking that I'd be wearing them again, four decades later...

[Little Sherri]

Two notes this morning... I had a weird diaper AND pacifier dream last night. This is the first time, as far as I can recall, that a pacifier made it into my dreams, which is notable, considering I've been sleeping with one for like 4 years or something, ever since I realized it stopped me from making noises with my teeth that drove my wife nuts. 

The dream made no sense, but here goes... I was driving behind some lady who was going really slowly, which was irritating me (realistic), and then at an intersection, I went to swing a left, and I thought, well, finally, I'll be out from behind this slowpoke, because she (I found out later it was a lady) didn't indicate she was making a left. But as I braked to make the turn, she suddenly pulled a hard left after mostly clearing the intersection, in the process nearly cutting me off, so I honked my horn and flipped her the middle finger - that's when I saw she was an old lady with grey hair, and she was yelling something at me I couldn't hear. THEN, I realized that my headlights weren't on (this was at night), so I went to turn them on, and they didn't work. So, I pulled over in front of a hardware store to buy lightbulbs for the car (up here, anyway, hardware stores do not typically carry car parts...), but there was a big courier truck parked in front of the store with a guy unloading some stuff, so I had to park behind it and kind of double-parked - I recall feeling uncomfortable about how I was leaving my car, and deciding that I should just run inside quickly and get the bulbs. 

I had to walk around the truck, and as I approached the guy unloading it, I had two realizations: first, that my pants were riding low in the back and my diaper was visible, which I corrected hastily by tugging my pants up, but then as I looked at the guy while walking past, with a "good day, sir" nod, wondering if he'd noticed my wardrobe adjustment or the reason why I'd had to do it, it occurred to me that my pacifier was in my mouth, clear as day, so I turned my head and faked a cough and palmed it out, but in that moment I knew for sure that he'd seen it - I'd looked him right in the eyes with it in my mouth, so I looked away from him and put my head down and went straight for the door. 

Then I woke up. 

Note number 2: my wife is complaining that every year when her and my kids ask me what I want for Christmas, I say "Nothing" or opt for a bottle of Scotch, and she's seeing that I'm losing some weight, and that some of my clothes haven't been replaced since the turn of the century, so she wants me to do a fashion show, essentially, and figure out what fits, and what's fit for donation or binning, so that she'll have a list of things I need and can go Christmas shopping so equipped. So, I'll be doing a diaper fashion show, if anyone wants tickets - trying on pants and shirts and sweaters and suit jackets, all while wearing a "realistic" diaper - there's no point testing the fit of clothes over either an unrealistically light diaper, or, doing it while wearing some XL 11,000 ML monster diaper that I'd never wear out for dinner with friends, or to a meeting. I'll probably wear something like a Rearz Lil' Monster or Essential. 

[Little Sam]

31 minutes ago, Little Sherri said:

 I realized that my headlights weren't on (this was at night), so I went to turn them on, and they didn't work.

That's supposed to be one of the ways you can tell you're dreaming, I don't remember where I read it now, but supposedly turning on/off a light won't change the brightness of the scene. Also, apparently if you jump off a chair, you float to the ground, or I guess, they probably just mean that you don't feel the jarring impact when you hit the ground.

I've no idea if any of that is actually true.

[Little Sherri]

My younger daughter was over at a friend's place and my older daughter is away at school, so this morning, I enjoyed making my coffee and reading my paper in a Rearz Critter Caboose, a comfy diaper which I am still in. Indeed, I'll probably have to bin it before it would otherwise have died a natural death, because we're going over to a friend's place for dinner, and then we'll be drinking wine and solving the world's problems until my wife decides it's time to leave. Ergo, I intend to start the evening in a fresh diaper. 

Sitting here in this cushy diaper got me thinking: I wish I could recall with any clarity what it was like to hang around the house as a kid, wearing a diaper. I have vague recollections of sometimes being anxious about it, and, obviously, sometimes enjoying it, although guiltily, but, what I'm reaching for, and can't get a hold of, is what it felt like to just be in a diaper, not because I chose to be, but because I had to. There was a complete lack of responsibility that probably totally escaped me then, but that calls to me now, but it's probably an act of imagination, and not recollection, to try and summon what that was like.

As an adult and a spouse and a parent and a worker droid, I have tremendous responsibilities, as, I'm sure, do most of you. Back then, though, I had close to no responsibilities, sitting on the couch in the living room, watching The A Team or Knight Rider with my siblings, Pampers taped on under my pajamas. I wish I'd been taking notes about what that felt like, although not yet really knowing any obligations or responsibilities, there was of course no contrast available for me to notice. I'd love to be able to go back into my own head for a day, and just walk that landscape again, white plastic diaper sticking out at the back, rolling toy cars around on the floor, no deliverables, not even responsible for getting to the bathroom. Nearly everything was someone else's problem. 

Maybe that's part of why I'm doing "this" - wearing diapers all the time; perhaps it's a pressure release valve for the stress of "adulting". I'm responsible for a lot of things, but making it to the bathroom isn't one of them, most of the time.

[Little Sherri]

I drunkenly double-diapered myself last night. I am not a huge fan of the double-diapering phenomenon - I know that some people are, because a number of the pictures posted here from the various sites that churn out ABDL light erotica reference "Candy is in a doubled Bambino blah blah blah, playing with her blocks and waiting for mommy to change her..."

However, I find the setup prone to unreliable outcomes. IN theory, if I put on two, say, Critter Cabooses, presumably  perforating the cover of the inner diaper, I should be able to waddle around for close to 48 hours without needing another diaper (we'll take pitstops for #2 out of the picture). But the reality is that leak guards and elastic leg cuffs were not designed to overlap other leak guards and elastic leg cuffs, so two big diapers stacked up tends to equal less than the sum of its parts. Putting a toddler diaper inside an adult diaper is a little different, because they can be entirely contained, but I don't do much of that either, because most of the time, if I'm in a diaper for 8 or 10 hours, I probably need to change it, even if it's not beyond capacity, because I have to go somewhere and want to reset the diaper change countdown clock.

But last night I found myself having had a lot more to drink than I thought I was going to, and at a friend's place, on returning from an event, and I was offered the use of their guest bedroom, rather than taking a 3 AM Uber home. I had a diaper bag with me but not an overnight diaper. I was in a slim Tena, the second of the night, because I'd worn my "wow, now these fit me again" one-size down jeans. I had a Rearz Active Air in my diaper bag, plus another Tena, and at bedtime, I had a moment of clarity, and realized that, were I to torch my friend's guest bed, it would be deeply embarrassing. I did not trust the Tena's for sleeping at all, and the Rearz, while not a bad product, wasn't really an overnight diaper, either. So, drunken me put the Rearz on over the Tena, and went to bed. 

It worked. I woke up slightly wet - the Tena actually probably would have been fine, as I'm pretty sure I must have partially awakened and rolled onto my back, because most of the damage was in the seat of the diaper. The Rearz took no fire, but easily could have become involved. Maybe I should start putting a pair of plastic pants in my diaper bag for unexpected sleepovers. 

[FretaBWet]

Carrying plastic pants in your diaper bag for unexpected sleepovers would seem to be a prudent choice. They have the added benefit of folding flat rather than the bulk of an extra overnight diaper. They are also a good insurance policy for if you are out longer than expected and your diaper is approaching the point to cause anxiety, you have the option of excusing yourself to the wash room and slipping them over your diaper. They don't add bulk so your pants should still fit.

Hugs,

Freta

[Little Sam]

You're never going to get the total absorption of two diapers, because although the liquid will wick from the inner to the outer, this is a slow process, and the inner has to get mostly saturated before it happens in any significant amount. So you're left in a swampy diaper that is likely to be overwhelmed and leak at the slightest provocation. But it is better than nothing if you're intermittently wetting in small amounts. I tend to use a baby diaper as a booster, for overnight, they also just seem to be better at drawing the moisture away and keeping you feeling dry for longer. I rip the leg guards off, as well as cut holes in the back, so if I overwhelm how fast it can absorb, it runs off the sides, inside the leg guard of the outer diaper, and is absorbed there.

[Stroller]

14 hours ago, Little Sherri said:

But the reality is that leak guards and elastic leg cuffs were not designed to overlap other leak guards and elastic leg cuffs, so two big diapers stacked up tends to equal less than the sum of its parts.

Yep, I don't get it either.  Soaker pads are a lot cheaper, and work properly.  I did experiment on long walking trips with wearing two pullups at once, with plastic pants over the top.  The idea was that I could rip off the inside one when it got too wet, then use the other without having to take half my clothes off in a field.  I wondered whether the cloth-type backing of the inner one would wick through if I left it to soak enough, but I never found out whether it did - I switched to using soakers instead.

[Little Sherri]

As often seems to be the case, after stating here resolutely that something doesn't happen, it happens. Maybe my next sentence should be "I have NEVER won the lottery." Your move, Universe. 

I said on someone else's string a while back that I don't wet while I'm napping, as an adult. As a kid, I did sometimes wet while napping, but the last instances of that are way back in the time tunnel, because I didn't nap much in my later childhood years. The only place I would reliably fall asleep at times that didn't coincide with when I usually went to bed was in the car, and that was via a combination of motion and boredom - we didn't have iPads or DVD players for entertainment; we counted license plates and punched each other when we saw a Volkswagen Beetle, we ate junk food, and we slept. 

The sample size used to derive this belief was admittedly statistically insignificant, because I very rarely nap as an adult. I don't have time for it, first of all, but, second, it messes with my overnight sleep - it isn't very restful to catch 3 hours of glorious Z's in the afternoon, and then to find myself staring at the ceiling at 2 AM. 

However, yesterday we went out for dinner as a family, driving to where my daughter attends school, and going out for a meal that, she pointed out, cost more than she spends on groceries in a month. Ramen it was not. We had a couple of bottles of wine and some dry-aged beef in various forms, and then my beloved drove home (because wine), and I found myself sleepy and sitting on my bed at an earlier than usual hour, because we'd gone out there early, as my daughter wanted to get back to studying after dinner and had an early start the next morning. So, it was 8 PM, my wife & younger daughter were watching something entirely uninteresting to me, I was reading the news on my phone, reclining against the headboard, I'd just put on a new, gloriously comfortable Critter Caboose... and my eyes closed for a moment. I woke up with a start, and my wife suggested she could turn off the lights and her and my daughter could use a shared pair of Air Pods to follow the show, if I wanted to sleep. 

It seemed like not a bad idea, even if I didn't sleep, because I found the dialogue on their show to be inane, so I said "That's nice of you, thank you." They transferred the video to an iPad from the TV, and the audio over to the earphones, and then the room was darker and quieter, although still illuminated by the iPad. I once again read a news article on my phone... end scene. 

Fast-forward about a half hour, and I again woke up, startled, reclining on my back, propped up on pillows... and in the midst of having a most glorious wee. I'd been navigating some sort of weird dream that I can't recall, and which had been punctuated by the dog jostling me intermittently - I think. Or that may have been part of the dream. Anyway, the wee I had engaged in while unconscious seemed so forceful and free-flowing to me that I looked around guiltily - I was convinced it must be obvious, somehow, to everyone, but wife and daughter #2 were both staring at the iPad, oblivious. I've never been a believer in the device you sometimes read in stories where someone hears someone else wetting, but I swear that I could hear a faint hiss coming from my diaper. I tried to choke up on it, just out of reflex and from being disconcerted in those first moments, and of course it didn't work. I thought, "Crap, what if I soak the sheets here?", but then was relieved to realize that I was in a thoroughly competent diaper, and not the breathable one I'd worn out to dinner. Indeed, I'm still in that diaper now, roughly 14 hours later. I more "waddled the dog" than "walked the dog", this morning. 

So, there you have it. Assuming I believe my own contention that I was asleep when the crime commenced, and if we call what I was doing "napping", because it was before the usual bedtime hour and I wasn't under the covers and lying down completely, then apparently, I'm capable of wetting my nappy whilst napping. 

[Little Sherri]

Update: it's 1:15 here and I've been in this Critter Caboose since 8 PM yesterday, so 17 hours... still comfy. I'm probably past the point where I can leave the house in it, though - my frontal aspect has a notable bulk and featurelessness to it that whispers "diaper" (or dead raccoon).