Why Do You Think There Is A Stigma With Incontinence

[dogpiss]

Ya know, I got to thinking (that was the burning smell), and I've noticed incontinence seems to have a stigma about it other disabilities don't. Most people will think there's something "wrong" character-wise with someone who wears diapers, while someone who wears, for instance, a prosthetic leg, is not deficient in character. Most people in our society would spurn someone who makes fun of a person in a wheelchair, but these same people would likely giggle behind the back, if not to the face of someone using diapers. Why is this so? How is a diaper any different in principle than a wheelchair, eyeglasses, or an artificial limb. Even in more practical terms, how is a diaper different from an ileostomy or urostomy? What is the deal with society and diaper users/wearers?

Cheers --- Your Dawg,

DP

[Red Barchetta]

* Shrubs shoulders

I have no idea...

[Pipsqueak]

I think it's because diapers are associated with infancy. We all wear diapers until we learn to "control" ourselves. The stigma is attached very in early in life. As children get older they look at other children in diapers as being babyish. Sometimes parents will say things to their kids like "you're a big boy now, you don't need to wear diapers like a baby" in an effort to shame them into potty-training. We quickly learn that society views lack of toileting skills as babyish and I think this stays with us.

Other disabilities have no such link to childhood. They're seen as terrible things that happen to some people through no fault of their own, whereas wearing diapers must mean that that person failed to learn one of the basic tasks of childhood. It's ridiculous of course, but things we learn very young are so deeply ingrained in our psyches that it takes a lot of effort to view them from a different perspective.

That's my take on it, anyway.

[Baby D]

It's very sad, yes that society can be so harsh and incapable of understanding incontinence. I agree 100% with Pipsqueak. It's not right, but it's true. Just one more sucky thing about society today..

[rickibrat2]

It's very sad, yes that society can be so harsh and incapable of understanding incontinence. I agree 100% with Pipsqueak. It's not right, but it's true. Just one more sucky thing about society today..

yes but life goes on and really till the other day no one has ever said anything to me about it

and it seems to have died down

[pctrasher]

Or it's the fact that sitting in your own mess or urin puts people off. I think that might be one of the major things that people don't like about it. Crap and urin are seen as very disgusting and basically the grossest thing on the face of the planet, and from an outsider's view, someone who sits/stands/walks/lays in it is experiencing the grossness and nobody would want to be around that person because of that. It's just simply viewed as gross. And then again, most people don't know that incontinents exists really, they would probably assume that you never learned control or what not. There are really many reasons, but the grossness one seems to make most sense along with the babyish one. Speaking since I'm not incon, I would hate to be incon simply because of that ridicule, and the kind of friends I hang out with would not accept me like that. Nor would my parents.

[quattrus]

Crap and urin are seen as very disgusting and basically the grossest thing on the face of the planet, and from an outsider's view, someone who sits/stands/walks/lays in it is experiencing the grossness and nobody would want to be around that person because of that.

The funny thing is that 2 minutes before the whole crap and urine "mess" was inside the body instead that outside of the body and in the diaper.... I fail to understand why someone would find sitting in a mess disgusting while having it inside himself is absolutely normal... unless explaining it as a merely psychological thing, of course...

[DollyDiaper]

Or it's the fact that sitting in your own mess or urin puts people off. I think that might be one of the major things that people don't like about it. Crap and urin are seen as very disgusting and basically the grossest thing on the face of the planet, and from an outsider's view, someone who sits/stands/walks/lays in it is experiencing the grossness and nobody would want to be around that person because of that. It's just simply viewed as gross. And then again, most people don't know that incontinents exists really, they would probably assume that you never learned control or what not. There are really many reasons, but the grossness one seems to make most sense along with the babyish one. Speaking since I'm not incon, I would hate to be incon simply because of that ridicule, and the kind of friends I hang out with would not accept me like that. Nor would my parents.

Are you saying that if some illness or accident were to occur, that your friends, but more especially, your parents, would 'disown' you? Did I hear you correctly?

D lly

[enfant]

I think pipsqueak is right; it's the association with infancy. It's not the idea of pee or poop, per se, that makes incontinence so upsetting for people; if that were the reason for it, we'd find babies repulsive. But we don't; we find babies cute and adorable... as long as they're babies. After you get to be 3 or 4 years old, you start being conditioned to find babyish behavior embarassing. "Act your age", "be a big girl/boy". Children who've only fairly recently mastered toileting skills themselves start taunting and teasing other children--remember the old schoolyard rhyme, "baby, baby, suck your thumb, don't forget your bubble gum"? Those were fighting words, where I grew up. "Diaper baby!" was a common insult, too. I remember how mercilessly one kid was teased when someone found out he still wore diapers at night--the poor kid was universally reviled... even though probably ten or fifteen percent of the kids teasing him were still wetting the bed themselves.

(I regret to admit that I was one of the ones who laughed at him loudest... though I was also jealous of him, both for the diapering and for the teasing. A while later I deliberately led someone to believe that I wore diapers at night too, so that I could get teased too. But most people don't seek teasing, they avoid it like the plague... in fact, I usually did myself. To this day I'm not sure why I wanted it that time. But I digress.)

Bottom line is, that childhood conditioning gets in deep. We learn to hide our vulnerabilities from our peers, and then even after we grow up and our peers are more mature and reasonable, we still have the habit of hiding. And I think that's where the stigma comes from.

[InDpnds]

I agree with all of this. It does have to do with that ol' "You're a big boy/big girl now" and "big boys/girls" don't wear diapers. That was then, and what is now are dozens, maybe scores of bags of adult diapers in big box and supermarkets. So, incontinence, as I see it, has nothing to do with the age of a person. It's something that happens, even if you grew up in the "big boy/big girls don't wear diapers" era. Well guess what? some of the "big boys/big girls" do become incontinent. And only in the past 20 or so years have we seen advertising for Depends, Goodnites, etc. There was a time when people in wheelchairs or who couldn't see were ostracized but fortunately, such attitudes have changed. With that in mind, it's entirely possible that those of us who have "control problems" won't be ostracized. Frankly, now it's nothing for me to go into a store and buy a bag of diapers. It's no worse than women buying feminine protection, but that all is probably a different post.

[mogumbo]

I believe some of not most of our issues with diapers and elimination behavior is rooted in a universal fear of the disease that comes from human waste left in untreated situations. We subconsciously relate standing piles or puddles with the potential to wreak great havoc. "Cleanliness is next to Godliness" is an old proverb born of Europe's mideavil fear of disease s such as plague , cholera and others fatal situations caused, in part, by bad sanitation.. Just my two cents.

Mo

[Mr. Big]

someone who wears, for instance, a prosthetic leg, is not deficient in character. Most people in our society would spurn someone who makes fun of a person in a wheelchair, but these same people would likely giggle behind the back, if not to the face of someone using diapers. Why is this so? How is a diaper any different in principle than a wheelchair, eyeglasses, or an artificial limb.

The situation would probably be very different if pirates had worn diapers.

[Incontinent Jennifer]

Ya know, I got to thinking (that was the burning smell), and I've noticed incontinence seems to have a stigma about it other disabilities don't. Most people will think there's something "wrong" character-wise with someone who wears diapers, while someone who wears, for instance, a prosthetic leg, is not deficient in character. Most people in our society would spurn someone who makes fun of a person in a wheelchair, but these same people would likely giggle behind the back, if not to the face of someone using diapers. Why is this so? How is a diaper any different in principle than a wheelchair, eyeglasses, or an artificial limb. Even in more practical terms, how is a diaper different from an ileostomy or urostomy? What is the deal with society and diaper users/wearers?

Cheers --- Your Dawg,

DP

You know why, because people SUCK.

I wish they could feel the same level of hurt and pain I felt, desperately standing in line with a pack of diapers as the one I had on leaked down my leg when that woman came up and rudely said "You know, there are restrooms in the back of the store. It'd be much better if you pissed there instead of here at the check out".

Bitch, do you think I'd pee here if I had such a choice?! I hope you die of humiliation!

Sorry, I'm a little emotional sometimes.

[Incontinent Jennifer]

I remember, a long time ago...

There wa a kid in my school. One day, him and I were doing a project together, and suddenly he smelled TERRIBLE.

I teased for haivng such a bad fart, and he said "Look, I accidently messed my diaper, I can't help it. I'll go take care of it."

I teased him unmercilessly for it. I told everyone.

Now, here I am, stuck in a diaper of my own. When I think about what I did, I cry my eyes out. I've felt horrible about it even before my accident. I don't tell many people about it.

Mike, if for some reason you are on this message board, I am so so sorry. I'd do anything to take it all back.

[AutieAB]

Other disabilities don't seem objects of ridicule

Don't be so sure. I was bullied mercilessly because of mine* from my very first day of school age 4 (still remember it ...) until my very last day age 16. It continued to a slightly lesser extent at college until 18. To this day it's an irregular problem.

'Tis the nature of 'hidden' disability because as has been said, a small minority of people are morons

AutieAB

*Clarity edit: not incontinence.

[Floaty_Boy]

"...Other disabilities don't seem objects of ridicule."

Don't be so sure. I was bullied mercilessly because of mine* from my very first day of school age 4 (still remember it ...) until my very last day age 16. It continued to a slightly lesser extent at college until 18. To this day it's an irregular problem.

'Tis the nature of 'hidden' disability because as has been said, a small minority of people are morons

AutieAB

*Clarity edit: not incontinence.

I have to agree with this one. I was bullied and teased mercilessly for MY handicap from around six years old until about thirteen or fourteen. I was called names, verbally and physically abused -- by strangers, schoolmates and even my own family (mom, dad, aunts, uncles, grandparents, siblings, cousins, you name it)! It got so bad that I used to actually throw away the outward sign of my disability. Which got me even more abuse from my parents. My handicap? *Shrug* Isn't hardly a handicap at all. I'm extremely nearsighted and have to wear coke-bottle-bottom glasses (well, not so much anymore, cause I wear contacts now).

People are jerks. Plain and simple. Anything that deviates from the stupid, imaginary, so-called "norm" is attacked.

Floaty

[gotdiapers]

The situation would probably be very different if pirates had worn diapers.

arghhhh shivver me diapers....

your statement caught me off guard....lol...funny.

[Digital2k7]

I definitely think its child hood, too.

I've been inco coming up on four years, and thinking of the fact I'm only going to be 23 this year I can't help but think about the years and years of changing, walking down the aisle with a diaper under my dress, changing my kids and telling them to get out of diapers while I look like a hypocrit..

Sigh...

It never ends.

[td17_uk]

to be honest with you i think the AB world and its members (especially the more exhibitionist among them) have to take some responsibillity for the stigma. im not going to rant about it but for alot of people have only realised or noticed thats adult diapers exsist after seeing some clown on the jerry springer show or such on national tv dressed in his best babywear.

of course this is not 100% of the problem but i think it plays a big part in it because if you come out and tell someone your incontinent they will automatically presume it fetish related not medical after all if you used a catherter you wouldnt get the same bad reaction would you i know this from personal experience... think about it.

but i have to agree the other big part of the problem is society and its you have to be out of diapers by the age of three and you cant go back into them till age 70 plus when your brains gones

[sunnykait08]

Its all because it deals with the elimnation of bodily wastes and the fact of it ending up all over the person in the diaper area. People consider human waste to be one of the most disgusting things in the world.

[Baby Mommy]

This much I know: People don't generally expect normally healthy, intelligent young and middle-aged adults to be incontinent. Before I found this site, I googled for "incontinence," and all of the references that came up assumed it to be a geriatric problem. Whereas a search for "bedwetting" and "enuresis" assumed it was a pediatric problem. Virtually no support is out there for people over the age of 12 and under the age of 60.