Am I just an asshole?

[Sameoldthing]

I'll start by saying that today my mother called me an asshole, and I agreed with her. She said that I don't show any compassion for others, i'm an antisocial who doesn't care about anyone else. I didn't know what to tell her. When she asked me why I don't care about anyone,

[Elfy]

Well those sound like the traits of an "asshole" but it seems to me that you do it deliberately to keep people from getting close. Too afraid of being rejected to let people get close, instead you put up a wall so that they can't get close in the first place.

Unfortunately that doesn't work if your goal is to have friends who will want to and expect to get close to you.

You might want to consider speaking to someone professional to see why you are so afraid of rejection and to try and deconstruct that wall.

End of amateur psychology from me!

[Bettypooh]

Want to make friends?

[Rockies Fan in Diapers]

Communication is a skill (& a hard one to learn at that). I know this, because I am still in the process of learning how to communicate & do it effectively thus getting the responses I want myself. I too am very afraid of being rejected, & hated & thought of as annoying. I suppose that to others, you may come across as an asshole, but I don't think you really mean it. However, it's likely that other people who have talked to you think that you are because of the way that you present yourself in order to avoid being rejected & hated, etc. Hope this helps,

Rockies Fan.

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

Your mother is what we call a "neurotic". In this case, a moralizing bitch who likes to lord it over others. spew their bile onto the rest of the world or to cover up a deficiency of their own and usually accusing the other persons of what they are themselves which is called "projection". This is so classically neurotic that it was the topic of many a classroom lecture or textbook example from Freude to Maaslow to Branden. It is so textbook that 1 I never thought I would hear about it in real life and 2 I can just picture it -- as part of a Carol Burnett skit. You're only an asshole if you accept being called one. When called one I say. "Gee, you get me their: Look what I'm doing all over you"

As to making friends: Don't try to make friends. Instead, have something interesting to say that is topic related. Those who share your interest will pick up on it. As to "small talk" another word for that is "generic". Other words for that are "cliche", "banal" and "uninteresting". Follow the Jim Rome rules you must: have a take. It must be fresh and it must not suck

[beallucanb]

Just because you don't want to get involved in other peoples problems, doesn't make you an asshole.

It makes you a person that wants to live without waves, you don't need anyone's problems when you have your own to deal with.

I like my life the way it is without other peoples problems, I don't get involved because I like my life simple.

You can still have friends but you don't need to be burdened with their problems to be a good friend.

I have lived my life the same way for many years, I still do things and live my life, my way

[Wet Knight]

I'll start by saying that today my mother called me an asshole, and I agreed with her. She said that I don't show any compassion for others, i'm an antisocial who doesn't care about anyone else. I didn't know what to tell her. When she asked me why I don't care about anyone,

[fading.kitten]

Ha. I could have written your post myself a couple of years ago. I ended up taking a job that involves talking a lot, as well as production. I can talk to people and have a genuine rapport. It just takes time to develop. Sometimes it's still like dragging a needle out of a horse's arse to try and express my thoughts and emotions. Just gotta ease into it, like in a few of Bettypooh's suggestions. It takes time.

[Baby Brian]

It seems