Is Potty Training Really That Confusing For (Your) Kids?

[Pull-ups man]

Ok, so Ive been watching Pull-ups and other training products commercials and I have been wondering for some time now: is it really that confusing for a child to learn to potty train? I mean, do the training pants really help or make a difference for the kid? This question is meant for people here who already have kids. My cousins all have kids around 3 yrs of age, all potty trained (at least during the daytime it seems, dont know about night time) and (well, I havent asked the cousins yet) but it doesnt seem to me that the kids had problems potty training.

[diaperboyMKE]

I don't get it.

[Brudda Voodu]

With my own children I have found that training pants are not effective at toilet training. When my kids were potty training they treated them the same as a diaper and called them diapers, despite my wife and I calling them training pants or underwear.

[square_duck]

I don't have kids, but my observations is that the whole potty learning (training) issue is confusing because people don't look at it from the kids point of view. When kids are born, whats the first few things that they experiance??

They get smacked, wrapped in a diaper and blanket and handed to a parent (preferably mom). They get cuddled and fed and such, and then experiance the feeling of relieving themselves in the diaper that they were put in, and then being changed etc......this whole cycle lasts approximately 2 years. For 2 years, all they know is that if they need to pee or poop, just let it go in your pants and mom or dad will change you and clean it up etc (sounds good to me! )

then around 2 or 2 1/2 someone comes up with a rule that "you are a big kid now, and should be learning how to control your body and use the bathroom and not be wearing diapers anymore"

kids reaction = rules?? what rules?? bathroom?? whats that?? why do I have to change what I do now since its so convenient and comforting and ALL I KNOW?? and so on..

Thats the issue, getting the child to change a behavior that they know and are very familiar with and comfortable with, and is all they know (no other point of reference or experiance) for something thats different and unknown and more difficult etc..

As mentioned above, the diaper manufacturers know this and more then likely plan on it. Thats why Disposable diapers and DISPOSABLE training pants are so similar.....and more then likely don't work. But Cloth trainers do. Why?? Because disposables just stay warm but not give the 'wet' feeling....so kids don't really care. They don't notice anything in the pullups trainers because of the same thing. Put them in cotton training pants, and they notice right away that something happened and they get uncomfortable....or embarrassed etc.

I think thats why parents that switch to cotton diapers and away from disposables (unless for travel or other reasons where cloth is inconvenient) have better sucess with later training, because of the different 'feel' of the diaper when wet etc.

The issue isn';t the training pants really, but getting kids to transition to leaning a new skill that they are unfamiliar with and a 'concept' that is foreign and alien to their limited life experiences. Cotton trainers help a lot with the 'feel' but another tactic that works os just letting the kid run around the house or play in the bathroom with out any pants on, and leave paper around so when something happens and they leave a puddle or drop a bomb they "SEE" the cause and effect of their bodily functions etc.. This seems to help a lot, and get the kids to be more proactive in making thhe transition to underwear and ultimately taking care of their own bodily functions and hygiene etc, just like washing hands and brushing teeth...

I don't see how pull ups can really help when kids just see no difference between them and the diapers that parents are trying top transition them out of.

I like them, but thats because I am an adult and have a point of reference and would LOVE to have some of those in adult sizes but thats also because I like training pants

Anyways, I just see KC and PG making products that hamper progress and create more problems and propagating the who "Potty training / learning" process. perants really need to take the bull by the horns and resolve the thing for themselves, and not be looking to manufacturers to "solve the problem for them"

switch to cloth diapers and then to cotton trainers and move on. Yes there will be accidents and messes, it's what kids do, and is part of the learning process BFD. There is no magic pill or magic underwear to make the process easier or learning faster.

Most of it is just the kids learning ability and desire to do better and take on the responsibility for taking care of their own needs. Some will learn faster than others...so be it.

Just stop making it such a B*I*G damn issue..it's a skill to learn just like riding a bike....get over it!

[Nat]

I haven't started potty training yet with my son so I wouldn't know yet. I did try before but he didn't seem to get it so I gave up. Plus he was still too young and wasn't ready.

[rusty pins]

Good points!

[curiositykilledthecat]

I've worked with kids for a long time through various venues and from what I've observed; you potty train when they;'re ready.

[curiositykilledthecat]

Oh and my oldest nephew(cousin is an only child so my sister and I are aunt and uncle to the boys) was a complete train wreck with potty training.

[Guest]

I work with a lady who has trained 3 different peoples kids in a single day. Her technique revolves around getting them into a room with no distractions and giving them a ton of salty snacks. They will then drink a ton of water.

With no distractions they recognize the feeling of having to go. They get a couple shots at it, and after a few hours the are fully trained. No issues.

[Guest]

The diaper / disposable training pants companies? Well they WANT it to take forever because that way, they sell you more diapers and training pants. Ever notice how the sizes just keep getting bigger?

Well I hope they keep getting bigger, My size is around a 23-4 for huggies pull ups. Afterall we are a group who not only wear them for longer than a few years, we will choose to wear them even when we dont have to.

[toddmdl]

I am not a parent but I have had a lot of thought about this subject for a long time. My parents were inconsistent and sent mixed messages with me when I went through potty training and as a result i was trained late and remember quite a bit. I would use the toilet at times but then other times I would use pullups like diapers and I got pleasure out of it and liked being changed. Then one day the diapers disappeared, my mom did not hear that I did not want them to go away and I was sad about it. I think that's where the fixation started. I think Rusty Pins has it right you have to be straight forward and gradually introduce the idea. It is important for the child to know exactly what is going on and to start when they are ready for the training and transition process to begin and for them to go through it at their own pace.

[dl_ashlee]

Pretty sure I was potty trained around 2-2.5 years old.

[nappylover78]

Must be particularly confusing if one or both of the parents are incontinent and wear nappies themselves!

[Nat]

Must be particularly confusing if one or both of the parents are incontinent and wear nappies themselves!

Apparently not because I have heard of kids being potty trained successfully without a problem while having an incontinent parent. Kids are not stupid and they can actually understand than we think. If you tell them that you need to wear them and tell them why, they get it and there is no confusion. It's no different than explaining why some people wear glasses or use wheelchairs or canes or crutches or hearing aids or use inhalers or take shots in their tummy. Children also don't get confused about those things either. Heck even my mother told my brothers and I why she wears pads and all she told us is she bleeds down there so she needs to wear a diaper. That is what she called her pads. I didn't understand why then she bled down there but I accepted it and there was no confusion. I even remember my own grandmother telling me she wears these thin pads and she showed me one and told me she leaks pee when she coughs or sneezes. I thought she bled down there too and she told me she doesn't bleed down there. I just accepted it then too and didn't think much of it and there was no confusion. So children will accept the fact their parent needs to wear diapers because they can't hold it and they can't feel when they need to go or because they leak stool. I think lot of people underestimate kids. In fact I have found them to be more opened minded about things because they tend to not judge and they just accept what you tell them and buy it. I think it's due to limited experience in life and because they are innocent. I am not saying they don't ever judge because I know how mean kids are. They will even pick on an incontinent child who looks normal and doesn't look disabled. But I bet if they had a sibling with the problem or a parent with it, they wouldn't pick on a child about it.

[Pull-ups man]

Wow I would never have thought such an interesting discussion could spring out from my question and curiosity great points you guys, really enjoyed reading Rusty Pins' opinions, quite fascinating and SO SO SO true! great stuff. I being a DL and not able to get Pampers 7 where I live am always fascinated when I get to see a package in a store. I personally would be quite interested to hear from PG why did they decide to make a size 7 in the first place... I am thinking of asking my parents some day how they went about potty training me...

I dont mind KC and PG that they make pull-ups, hope they keep on doing that so a looong time still but of course the primary market are kids and based on the feel I know pull-ups are just nice and warm and not uncomfortable at all (guess for the kids its the same thing) so surely why wouldnt they want to keep marketing and selling products even though the training pants themselves for most kids are just a waste of time and MONEY if you ask me

Though I think, as has been said, that when kids are around arleady potty trained peers it helps them a lot getting rid of diapers/trainers. My cousin's daugher is 3 now, potty trained, and my other cousin's is 2.5 and I think it must've really helped her a lot seeing the other one already out of diapers and comparing herself to her "big cousin"

[d_drew12]

I have kids. One old enough to potty train. We did so the month of the second birthday. We did a three day potty training program where you go from diapers to underwear over night. No pull-ups to bed, no diapers again....ever. You are literally suppose to throw away unused diapers. The guide says, this is more for the parents, than the kid, to not be able to take the easy way out and go back. I got the book after several coworkers have used it with success. I will tell you, It is the biggest commitment I have ever done and it was stressful, mainly for me. It sucked for the first two days but by day three, we were free sailing and no diapers since the start, not even at night! Not to say we haven't had an accident along the way but often it was our fault as we didnt read the signals right. I've been told by coworkers, as far as their kids go, some got it day one, others took til day three but all in all, I wouldn't change what I did. The kid was a bit stressed at first, but only because the kid wanted to please me or at least do a good job. Kids thrive on praise. Trust me, dragging it out over months is way more stressful on the kid. Example, would you rather me slowly stick you with a needle, or fast, slowly rip off a bandage, or fast? Also, I should state, I truly believe kids are ready, younger then you expect. The book suggest 22 months as a good starting point. It's when they're most eager to learn and prove themselves. The older they get the harder the habit dies. Kids realize they pee and poop, and they can hold it...if the want. They are NOT incontinent unless they have some sort of disability. Potty training is just teaching the kid what to do when they get the signal to go and understanding the signal. Their body is fully capable holding poop or pee and the sooner a parent realizes it, the easier it will be. Its teaching them to not just go in their pants, now we go to the toilet.

A short rundown of how this method works is here. You put underwear on your kid. You are by them side by side, the whole day for up to 3 days so plan on it! Every second, every second, every second!!! Get it. This way when they start to pee, they instantly realize something's happening(spent lots of time on the wood floor and cleaning up accidents). You quickly run them to the potty and sit them down (even though they've finished) and praise the ever living hell out of them for being so big, awesome, great job, etc. What you're really doing is teaching them, to avoid wet pants, we go to the potty. They associate the two. Kids don't like wet pants. You load them up with liquids all day to keep the, peeing almost hourly (except night), so the get the signal to pee a dozen times a day, load em with fiber and other stuff to poop. They may train in hours or three days but trust me, they'll get it, even when you're about to give up, keep on. Think of it as condensing months of on off training and back and forth from diapers to underwear over months to a short moment in time 3 days, oh and no diapers. Less confusing don't ya think!

There are ups and downs and good times and bad, all happening in those few days. Stressful, hell yes but mainly on me getting frustrated and wanting to throw in the towel but ya see that's the big problem!!! It's usually the parents fault!! We give up on our kids or aren't spending the time to understand them and work with them to get it right. Commit to the plan and stick with it through hell and high water!! Don't give up.

Ever watch Ceasar the dog trainer guy? Usually a dogs bad behaviors and habits are a product of its owners. Ceasar is often training the owners of what to do more then he is the dog. (Not saying treat our kid as a dog but ya know what I mean here?)

Before people condemn me for this training method, know that I have yet to know someone who used it who's child failed. The parent will say, they almost failed. You are training each other. The kids aren't in rehab over those stressful days don't show signs of mental trauma either over potty training. Kids are tougher then you think. My kid enjoys the cool looking underwear now and is so independent goes to the potty without being asked. Proud to poop and pee. Diapers are gross, diapers are for babies. (All hypocritical to most of us to say)

So to answer, confusing, if you make it confusing and are wishy washy and don't stand your position and are back and forth then YES!! You confused the crap out of your kid!! At first it may be confusing for the kid, I have to go potty and poop in this toilet thing now vs the diaper, yes, but teaching them it's this verses that is like teaching them anything else. Now you drink from a cup, to a bottle, now you sleep in a bed, not a crib, now you use a spoon, not your hands, etc. You teach, you're the parent! The person they look up to, the person they want to be like, the person they want to please...until they're a teenager that is...

[mike indiapers]

I think potty training gets confusing to kids when parents send mixed messages on expectations and switch back and forth between the potty and diapers for a multitude of reasons, I.e. potty training too early, etc. I a, a prime example of someone that was initially potty trained before I was ready because my mom was pressured to get me out of diapers before the arrival of my brother just before I turned 3 yrs old. I was rushed to use the potty and after my brother was born, started to have lots of accidents. My accidents continued as I turned 4 yrs old and got worse when we relocated from the east to west coast and I had to live in a new place. All of these factors were too much for me and I had had not mastered control of my bladder or bowels. My accidents got to the point where my mom threatened to put me back in diapers and followed through one day on her threat. I remember being very confused about what was expected of me once I was back in diapers again. Apparently, my mom found returning me to diapers to be more convenient than cleaning up constant accidents, so I stayed in them and regressed to using diapers and forgot about the potty. It was a very confusing time for me because I saw other kids my age potty trained while I was still in diapers. I remember not being clear on whether I should ask to use the potty and just accepted my diapers until my Mom initiated potty training again right before I started kindergarten. At that point, I had become attached to my diapers and confused about why I resisted being taken out of them. I eventually potty trained for good and missed my diapers. The entire potty training experience was confusing to me, but I got over it with the exception of it contributing to my ABDL feelings.

[d_drew12]

Mike, your situation is exactly why I feel parents are to blame for the confusion. Too wishy washy. Stick to your guns. Your kid will get it but nobody said it will be easy. I also beleive as a parent, you are in charge. We don't wait for our kids to tell us they want to use a spoon, want to color, want a bottle, etc, we teach them that this is what you do, this is what you get, and so forth. Parents are teachers and also the boss, though some children will test that daily but at a young age, if you start early they understand, you rule the roost. Teenager, different story. They makeup their minds then. As far as training too early or when a kid is "ready", I also feel its the parents job to push their kids to do things outside their comfort zone. I mean think about it. Are we suppose to wait for the kid to walk up to us and say, "hey, I've been thinking and I'd like to start using the toilet now mom and pop, what do ya think?" No, no, no. Teach them and earlier the better. I'd say a good guideline is just before 2 years old. Now some people may scoff at that but kids 50 plus years ago were trained much earlier then kids of the current generations. It's not unrealistic. Most kids were trained before 2. Some African tribes its not uncommon to be trained by 12months! Currently, the average age in the US is 3 and it now normal for night training to go to age 5 or 6. Are our kids getting dumber and evolving less??? Likely not, it's the lack of parenting. And maybe a bit of a push from the diaper companies telling everyone that we really don't need to train for a while(so we make more $$$$) . Sorry for the rant. Just my two cents.

[Dirty Diaper/Maxipad Lover]

I don't get it.

[turtlepins]

Proud parent of three, two boys and a girl, and proud grandfather of three, two boys and a girl.