Has Your Ab/dlism Ever Been Blamed On Your Disability Or Mental Illness?

[Nat]

Back in 6th grade, my obsession with diapers was blamed on my Asperger's. I bet if the psychiatrist was aware of the whole infantilism thing and the diaper fetishism thing, he wouldn't have blamed it on that. But yet he also said it had to do with my childhood and diapers bring me back to it so he got that part right. But the other part he got wrong. Then in high school, my psychologist I was seeing also blamed it on it because it's such a uncommon interest and people on the autism spectrum have uncommon interests. But he knew there were people out there into this too and he knew about infantilism. But yet he still blamed it on it even though I told him some NTs are into this too.But yet he still thought it was part of my condition that made me be into this and like diapers.

I suppose it's possible to have diapers and infantilism as a special interest and always do research on it and read about it and spend time with it a lot online and watching TV shows about it and googling it to find it at other places where people talk about it on none AB/Dl forums and searching about it on Yahoo Answers. But hey us AB/DLs do this right? So it be pretty darn hard to tell if someone is doing this because of their autism. Same as if you try and take it away from them, even none autistic AB/DLs would be upset about it too and also be unhappy and possibly feel suicidal and deal with the urges inside them. But it all depends on the person. Some may handle it better than others. Some on the spectrum may handle this all fine while some others may not. I fought at age 17 about this but that was just me being a normal teenager. I wanted more freedom and wanted my way like most teens do. I did silent treatments, ignored my mother, felt all depressed and lost inside about it. My psychologist told me I was using manipulation but the truth was I was so mad at her so I never wanted to speak to her again. I viewed her as a bigot, closed minded person and I don't tolerate such people and her trashing this felt like she was trashing me because it was part of me.

So has your AB/DLism ever been blamed on your disability or mental illness or anything?

[Guest diaperboykcmo]

No I'm bipolar and I've been seeing a psych forever and we hardley ever talk about it..

If anyone has a mental disability, that life is all they know. Meaning they don't know what a "normal" person feels. So how would they know themselves if they're ab's cause of their disability.. They could be ab for various other reasons. The Dr's might blame being ab on your disability.

[Bettypooh]

The thing with the head doctors is that they think every thing has a cause Well, maybe it doesn't We humans have a lot of common traits- compassion, love, desire for happiness- so what causes these? Some things are inherent in a person's mental makeup, and tendencies such as AB, DL, gender expression may all be variations of the general theme of the species and all without direct or indirect causes I have spent years keeping my eyes open to find any common thread among us here that would indicate anything that occurs in us out of the proportions seen in the general population that would possibly provide a clue as to a cause So far I have seen nothing different, not in AB or DL or TG or anything. This is why I believe these kinds of things are just simple, normal, albeit unusual, personality traits

In some of us there may have been things in our lives that helped the tendencies take shape or emerge, but those things are not general species tendencies- many of us have experienced none of those influences yet feel and are pretty much the same about our AB or DL or TG tendencies. And outside of us, many people experience exactly what we did, but have none of these tendencies because it was not inherent in their personalties So those who assign a cause to anything like this in us have no basis for doing that. Nobody's Autism, Asperger's, or craving for chocolate has anything to do with this at all, and anyone who thinks it does needs a reality check for they are obviously wrong

One thing I have noted is that among all professional avocations, especially in the medical world, those people often have a superiority complex, believing they are smarter or better than average when they really are not. Because of this they do not see clearly, being blinded by beliefs they hold which cannot be substantiated in reality There are some professionals who think and see clearly but like us, they are a minority and they are not the norm. In fact, we may be ahead of them in our particular idiosyncrasies such as AB or DL or TG because we know people like us well, when they do not. We can see things among us that we identify with, while they cannot identify with what is not in them.

So my position is that this is just who we are; there is nothing wrong with us, and because of that it needs no treatment because there is no treatment possible for things that are truly normal. Can other things bring this out in us or make it stronger? Sure, but they did not cause this, and any attempt to alter what is normal in us will only harm us because it is wrong for us

Bettypooh

[turtlepins]

We like to put things into categories, to help us understand them better. Especially in science. To admit that there are things we just don't understand is too frightening for many. I became AB when all my repressed memories of my early childhood came flooding back, because I needed to regress in order to deal with the trauma. That's what I did when I was five. However, once I came to grips with what happened, learned the awful truth, faced it, forgave those acts of cruelty and abuse the desire to be an infant did not go away. According to my psychiatrist infantilism will be a part of my life forever. Yay! The truth is I don't always need to regress, but I want to, because I enjoy it so much. I'm just selfish that way, I guess. It is true that the trauma never heals, the feelings I have never go away, and I experience them often with flashbacks and in nightmares. I deal with it on an adult level often enough to know it is possible. However! I want to feel and act like an infant, to be treated like an infant and cared for like an infant. Who cares why? I don't. It's the Id. I wore diapers 24/7 for thirty-five years without wanting to be an infant. Now that's all I want. Sometimes I think my psychiatrist keeps seeing me just to try to figure out the whys and wherefores, so she can put me in a neat little category that she can accept.

[sarah_ab]

I think it may not be so much blaming as attempting to understand what fuels a behavior in order to better control the behavior, or to categorize it to help better accept it and move on.

If the behavior is having a negative consequence on a person's social, academic, or vocational life than understanding if a particular aspect of a disorder is causing it, can help in finding the right treatment, if not to fully eliminate the behavior than to decrease it so it is not having such an adverse affect. And treatment does not only include medication, but therapeutic and behavioral techniques as well.

And if someone brings it up in treatment the therapist or dr may, and right so, assume it is causing the person some sort of distress, because usually people do not bring up things that cause them joy in therapy, we seek out treatment for things that are adversely affecting us, so unless the dr asks "what makes you happy" than bringing it up can make it seem as if it is a problem.

If you mention it to your treating source and you feel they are trying to 'cure' it, or make it go away, and you don't want that, then tell the dr, or therapist, and talk it out. It could be, as an objective observe, they are seeing it having negative effects on your life, that you aren't seeing... nothing wrong with that, one of the reasons we seek a dr or a therapist is for such objective outlook.

[rosalie.bent]

The thing with the head doctors is that they think every thing has a cause Well, maybe it doesn't We humans have a lot of common traits- compassion, love, desire for happiness- so what causes these? Some things are inherent in a person's mental makeup, and tendencies such as AB, DL, gender expression may all be variations of the general theme of the species and all without direct or indirect causes I have spent years keeping my eyes open to find any common thread among us here that would indicate anything that occurs in us out of the proportions seen in the general population that would possibly provide a clue as to a cause So far I have seen nothing different, not in AB or DL or TG or anything. This is why I believe these kinds of things are just simple, normal, albeit unusual, personality traits

In some of us there may have been things in our lives that helped the tendencies take shape or emerge, but those things are not general species tendencies- many of us have experienced none of those influences yet feel and are pretty much the same about our AB or DL or TG tendencies. And outside of us, many people experience exactly what we did, but have none of these tendencies because it was not inherent in their personalties So those who assign a cause to anything like this in us have no basis for doing that. Nobody's Autism, Asperger's, or craving for chocolate has anything to do with this at all, and anyone who thinks it does needs a reality check for they are obviously wrong

One thing I have noted is that among all professional avocations, especially in the medical world, those people often have a superiority complex, believing they are smarter or better than average when they really are not. Because of this they do not see clearly, being blinded by beliefs they hold which cannot be substantiated in reality There are some professionals who think and see clearly but like us, they are a minority and they are not the norm. In fact, we may be ahead of them in our particular idiosyncrasies such as AB or DL or TG because we know people like us well, when they do not. We can see things among us that we identify with, while they cannot identify with what is not in them.

So my position is that this is just who we are; there is nothing wrong with us, and because of that it needs no treatment because there is no treatment possible for things that are truly normal. Can other things bring this out in us or make it stronger? Sure, but they did not cause this, and any attempt to alter what is normal in us will only harm us because it is wrong for us

Bettypooh

That is very well said, bettypooh. Just recently we have been trying to come up with an appropriate name for this regressive abdl 'thing' and we came up with Adult Infantile REgression (AIR). But the way it flows off the tongue you feel you should add Disorder or Syndrome to the end of it. But we dont - for the simple reason is that for all we have read, studied and talked to people about this, we dont see it as a 'disorder' or a 'mental illness'. and while 'syndrome' is probably accurate it does tend to imply a mental illness.

Quite simply, being a regressive adult baby is not a disorder or a mental illness. While it is clearly not common and also clearly arises as the result of a young childhood developmental dysfunction or failure, that doesnt make it a mental illness. If it were, EVERYONE would have a mental illness as virtually everyone has difficulties and oddities and weirdnesses about them as the result of growing up. Being a regressive adult baby is just a more uncommon and odd way of these differences expressing themselves. As bettpooh puts it, being regressive AB is a personality trait.

Some ABs do have mental illnesses and I dont think that is exactly news. But they are not ill because they are AB nor are they AB because they are ill.

trying to find what causes AB to develop is incredibly difficult in anything beyond very general terms. Trauma and abuse are known causes as is mild forms of dissociation. But for the vast majority it is no more complex than a developmental failure that has left parts of our psyches stranded at the infant and/or toddler levels and we are drawn back to there in a deep-seated, almost primal need to resolve that level finally. Of course we never do as resolving such failures is probably not possible. Certainly no one seems to have ever succeeded in it!

I must highlight and applaud betty's last sentence and quote it yet again.

So my position is that this is just who we are; there is nothing wrong with us, and because of that it needs no treatment because there is no treatment possible for things that are truly normal. Can other things bring this out in us or make it stronger? Sure, but they did not cause this, and any attempt to alter what is normal in us will only harm us because it is wrong for us

Therapy for AB fails because there is nothing to fix. However, a good therapist would be of immense value in helping those with AB to live safely, happily and to enjoy guilt-free lives. THAT is what should really be the goal of a proper therapist in this situation.

[rosalie.bent]

I think it may not be so much blaming as attempting to understand what fuels a behavior in order to better control the behavior, or to categorize it to help better accept it and move on.

If the behavior is having a negative consequence on a person's social, academic, or vocational life than understanding if a particular aspect of a disorder is causing it, can help in finding the right treatment, if not to fully eliminate the behavior than to decrease it so it is not having such an adverse affect. And treatment does not only include medication, but therapeutic and behavioral techniques as well.

And if someone brings it up in treatment the therapist or dr may, and right so, assume it is causing the person some sort of distress, because usually people do not bring up things that cause them joy in therapy, we seek out treatment for things that are adversely affecting us, so unless the dr asks "what makes you happy" than bringing it up can make it seem as if it is a problem.

If you mention it to your treating source and you feel they are trying to 'cure' it, or make it go away, and you don't want that, then tell the dr, or therapist, and talk it out. It could be, as an objective observe, they are seeing it having negative effects on your life, that you aren't seeing... nothing wrong with that, one of the reasons we seek a dr or a therapist is for such objective outlook.

well said. Something doesnt have to be bad or a mental illness to be causing you distress. And AB does cause MANY to be distressed over it. Our survey certainly indicates that.

[gotdiapers]

You have to look at what model the therapist is using. Also, you cant use words like "we dont think" or "to us its not a disorder"

It is a disorder. It does have underlying causes. But, if its controllable and is mostly a benign response then it can be over looked or adjusted as needed.

[Dubious]

Ill just say that everyone that dont wear diapers have a disability and everyone that is disgusted by it has a illness

[BabyJune]

I don't think you can put too much blame on Asperger's Syndrome. I know someone with Asperger's who is working on a SECOND Master's Degree. He certainly doesn't look on it as a disability, but he also has a very supportive family.

[sarah_ab]

It is a disorder. It does have underlying causes.

first part... how is it a disorder? I get off being treating like a baby and put in diapers during a role play scenario.... i'm not sure its a disorder to enjoy role playing during sex? some people wear diapers to relax.... i read books and knit to relax, does that mean reading books and knitting are also disorders?

and to the second part... EVERYTHING we do and say has an underlying cause.... so i guess by this argument the the human condition is a disorder.

[gotdiapers]

If there is a sexual response to the item then its a fetish. If there isn't one but the need or desire is still there then it would be disorder based. ie. ptsd is a disorder that can manifest itself in many different ways.

[Kari]

Since I felt this way well before 10 years old (when I ended nocturnal enuresis), my chronic bed-wetting was obviously not the root of it.

But it could of exacerbated it,

I was what I call reverse diaper punished. I was made to sleep on pee soaked sheets wishing I could wear a diaper to bed.

That may be more why as an adult I am Bi Polar IMHO.

But my mental disorders do not seem to have anything significant to do with my DL desires I've had all my life.

If anything it could be my OCD. Actually it's something I accept as a positive part of me.

[sarah_ab]

i dont get it i have a desire to knot or read or listen to music when i am stressed..... so this is a disorder?

[gotdiapers]

No thats a coping mechanism.

[babystevie]

I don't have any physical/mental disabilities. I have liked wearing diapers & plastic panties since I was in them as a child. I think it is just part of who I am. I'm in diapers pretty much 24/7 not because I need them. I like wearing them. Sometimes I need to be "grown up", but most of the time I am just an Adult Baby.

[Nat]

Anything that is out of the norm or something that other people don't like is seen as a disorder. Like for example, you learn differently than others, you are considered as having a learning disability because you will need accommodations and extra help in school. But it's really a learning difference. But it's an impairment because of the way life is so it's considered one if you need help and have to try harder than others.

[Bettypooh]

I'm left handed, so using scissors, working some controls, and using ink pens with slow-drying inks are a problem for me. Some studies say about ~20% of the world is like this so we're a minority, but our rarity does not mean that we have a disorder even if we do have daily problems because of this Being left-handed is well accepted as 'normal', had no identifiable causes, and is not a listed disorder in and of itself. With ABDL we have the same thing, with only a smaller percentage in the general population and the one big difference: Unlike being left-handed, we are not socially accepted Let's take a moment to see what the difference is between 'normal" and 'disorder' according to the DSM:

Many of the DSM's listed 'disorders' have no known or identifiable cause(s). Having or lacking a cause therefore has no bearing on whether something is a 'disorder'. Many of the DSM's listed 'disorders' have larger or smaller percentages of persons fitting the diagnosis. Thus commonality has no bearing on whether something is a disorder. Some of the DSM's listed disorders have more serious affects as well as some having less serious ones. So the severity of effects do not have any bearing on whether something is a disorder. Some of those with a listed 'disorder' have no problem coping with their differences from the norm while some do have problems coping with their difference. So the general ability to cope with something has no bearing on whether something is listed as a disorder.

It would seem at this point that the term 'disorder' is capriciously applied based only on an agreement among those who were asked to have input on the description, with those persons having a belief that they know what normal is. Even they admit that social changes change the diagnosis- once Gays were not socially accepted and were listed as having a 'disorder'; this changed as social acceptance became more widespread. The same thing has happened with other diagnosed 'disorders', this is just the most well known one Now it should be clear that there is but one real reason anything is listed as a 'disorder', with that one thing being common to all of the listed 'disorders' and that is a lack of widespread social acceptance The DSM's own descriptives say that a disorder is something that has a regular adverse affect on a person's life compared to what is considered the 'norm'. I cannot see how a rational person could determine that ABDL is a disorder, nor can I see how a rational person could classify it as such when like left-handedness this does not have to have any debilitation in it at all. Especially from those whose job it is to help others deal with problems The only thing they have to base their diagnosis on is social acceptance or the lack thereof, and we all know how socially unacceptable ABDL currently is

Now we're getting somewhere So the real issue here is how do you deal with being ABDL in our social world, and are you having problems doing that? Many of us don't have social problems because of this so there must be a way to have a socially acceptable life being ABDL. The only real problem is finding that way, and the only thing preventing someone from doing that is themselves

People repress their true wants, needs, thoughts, and emotions over a fear of social non-acceptance, even in things like ABDL where we know there is nothing truly wrong happening on our end. So the wrong, if there is any, is on the other end- society in general and the persons whose job it is to help people cope with disorders. It's not us, save that we let our fear of what may or may not happen control us, which is something that everyone does and always has, and is therefore normal. Being ABDL is not a disorder but the desire to control others behavior is, so society at large (including the writers of the DSM) are the disordered ones who need mental help to cope with reality

Any problems you have with being ABDL are problems you created yourself by letting a society at large with it's widespread mental disorder make your decisions for you. The solution is to change that society by rejecting the idea that people should change themselves to fit into it. Society needs to change to fit the non-disordered into itself, rejecting the truly disordered ones who comprise the majority of it today instead All we need to change among ourselves is diapers and how we deal with this highly disordered society

Bettypooh

[sarah_ab]

You have to look at what model the therapist is using. Also, you cant use words like "we dont think" or "to us its not a disorder"

It is a disorder. It does have underlying causes. But, if its controllable and is mostly a benign response then it can be over looked or adjusted as needed.

first part... how is it a disorder? I get off being treating like a baby and put in diapers during a role play scenario.... i'm not sure its a disorder to enjoy role playing during sex? some people wear diapers to relax.... i read books and knit to relax, does that mean reading books and knitting are also disorders?

and to the second part... EVERYTHING we do and say has an underlying cause.... so i guess by this argument the the human condition is a disorder.

If there is a sexual response to the item then its a fetish. If there isn't one but the need or desire is still there then it would be disorder based. ie. ptsd is a disorder that can manifest itself in many different ways.

i dont get it i have a desire to knot or read or listen to music when i am stressed..... so this is a disorder?

No thats a coping mechanism.

right just as wearing diapers for non sexual reasons such as stress relief is a coping mechanism.... NOT a disorder..... i mean there is a point where any behavior becomes disordered... I talk about this.... if the behavior is having a negative affect on your social, academic, professional or personal life than it has become disordered... otherwise its not a disorder.. its just another coping mechanism to deal with the every day stress.

and more than just a coping mechanism, its just something we enjoy. As i will turn to reading or knitting when stressed, i will also engage in these activities simply for the enjoyment it brings me.... again this is not a disorder either... and nor is wearing diapers simple for the enjoyment it brings.

[Nat]

When people do their interest too much and it starts to interfere with their daily lives such as work or friends or family, then it becomes an obsession or an addiction.

[sarah_ab]

i mean there is a point where any behavior becomes disordered... I talk about this.... if the behavior is having a negative affect on your social, academic, professional or personal life than it has become disordered...

When people do their interest too much and it starts to interfere with their daily lives such as work or friends or family, then it becomes an obsession or an addiction.

exactly, something can be disordered and this may be where a therapist or psychiatrist is trying to find the root cause of the behavior, because the dr may see it as becoming disordered ..... just liking diapers/ab/dl is not a disorder, but if it is interfereing w/ work, social, academic or personal life than it may have become disordered and some form of intervention is required.

[Bettypooh]

Exactly- it is how you handle it which creates any 'disorder' that may arise from it How poorly society at large handles it shows that there is a disorder there So why Isn't the focus and cure being aimed at where the problem is?

You can't 'cure' anything like the way they handle it now- it is like saying that the proper way to prevent home robberies is to have nothing to be robbed in our homes! This is why I refuse to accept claims that ABDL is a disorder or that it can be treated (sorry if I come across too harsh, this is not my best of days)

Bettypooh

[gotdiapers]

Well before you quote the dsm. What are your credentials? Reading a psychology diagnostic Manuel as a layman is the same as reading the Koran as a Christian. You can read it....but you don't have any real idea of what it really is saying. Also, having seen a therapist and adopting their methods with using Google to fill in the blanks is not only completely wrong it can be dangerous (self diagnosis). I will not list my credentials but I'm a licensed professional in the field.

[Bettypooh]

One does not need credentials to understand plain, clearly written language One does need to study the terminology which is used so as to understand it, to understand how it is being used contextually, and to understand how it is being applied. And to more fully understand, one must also read and understand the other materials referred to, especially the writer's explanations of how they reached their conclusions. All of this is available to anyone who seeks it- none of the information you were given in school is secret. Credentials do not prove intelligence, they only prove that the person holding them has been able to answer a list of questions at at least a minimal degree of which competence is generally believed to be acceptable, and that they have performed other tests and analysis related to those studies similarly. I have not read everything in the DSM, but I have read those sections (and all the related and referred to sections) relating to areas I have interest in- sexuality, gender, and being ABDL. In these areas the DSM has validated concepts which I have not always found to be true, especially in the area of gender. If glaring errors in one area are left in place after further study and revisions, then the whole book's validity becomes suspect.

So you claim a greater understanding than I have here. I challenge you to prove it by listing here the causes of being ABDL (which in a previous post you say do exist and thus can be identified). If those answers be true and valid, then they will be able to be found in all of us. If you cannot do this, then I stand my ground and hold that my opinion is more valid- that being ABDL in itself is not really a disorder, but how one handles it may be, or may indicate one existing elsewhere.

And as to your analogy of a Christian reading the Koran, I have read and understand both it and the Bible and I fully believe neither one, for both are full of contradictions and neither has enough provability to be relied upon as a believable reference. Holding beliefs which cannot be proven indicates that the person is not perceiving reality correctly, yet because this concept is so unpopular the DSM won't list this form of insanity anytime soon which further aids my argument that the DSM is sometimes more based in popular opinion than in fact, so is therefore as unreliable as the aforementioned religious texts

BTW, your profile lists you as a bedwetter. I am curious as to whether the cause of that is physical?

Bettypooh

[Dill_Pickle]

Hey betty, the dsm-iv, as I remember it from the mid nineties, had come to the conclusion that paraphilias and all the sexual abnormalities, were not diseases or problems except as they interfered with someone's (usually the one with the paraphilia) well being or functioning, and the interference was the problem.

It was also my experience in therapy that my DL aspects were mentioned once and ignored. The half-joke at the end of my last therapy session, which I did under a blanket, was that the therapist would never see a teenager's face in session. My current illness has led to my being diapered constantly, and half a dozen real accidents, including some without a diaper on.

I would therefore argue that discomfort with all of these oddities should be referred to as adjustment problems and/ or as acceptance anxieties, or, if you want a technical word, sexuality dysmorphic disorder...I was certainly afraid being DL wasn't normal, and it is still a secret known only to my wife and therapist and readers of DD. I think I have an excuse for work with this latest illness, but I will never tell work I actually like it...I am just too uptight about it, and think they are too. I might tell my oral hygienist...I got a very accepting reaction to being under a blanket for my last visit, but I won't see her for another six months, and she knew all about my dry mouth issues and knew what I needed to do.

As for cause?? There's strong evidence that primate sexual orientation can be manipulated in the womb with doses of hormones, and the bit about ABs only liking the type of diapers they had as a baby argues for a strongly formed early association playing a causative role in paraphilias, similar to flashbacks but in a less traumatic way. But long-gone causes aren't terribly important...improving the future, giving yourself permission to be who you are without guilt or shame, thats whats important!