Explain Please

[curiousgirl]

So my husband tells me he has this fetish and it totally freaks me out. Im scared to een think about this stuff. Then I find some stuff hidden on his computer, pics and stuff which freaks me out even more. He really wants me to try it but honestly im scared. I need to understand and trying to talk to him about it ends in argument. So Im asking you guys to explain to me what this fetish is and how is it not disgusting and scary. I mean I read some posts and it sounds like some of you do it cause your lazy. My husband says that he likes it because diapers turn him on. Can someone please explain this to me?

[DaStickman]

It is different for everyone, some share an intense emotional response when in nappies (diapers), others simply find that wearing a diaper can be a real turn-on. I consider myself to be a dl, where diapers are a fetish form. Unfortunately, this resulted in me breaking up with my partner. She, like yourself was totally shocked by the concept and could not come to terms with it. If your husband loves you enough, he will not pressure you. I know from mistakes past that pressure did not work and our intemacy suffered. But be patient, and understanding. Make yourself clear about how you feel too, if he respects you he will not badger you.

Cheers

[diapereddave]

I have been interested in diapers for as long as I can remember. I love the way they feel. I guess, yes you could call me lazy, but I do enjoy the close, tight feeling found only in a diaper. Yes, I do enjoy peeing in them. It may be gross, but I enjopy rhe feeling. My wife has recently started wearing them herself occassionally. She kinda enjoys the feeling of the closeness, She also likes the extra attention that she recieves when I change her. There are alot of nice people here on this site, that will answer questions, and at the same time, try to not be too scary with their answers. Welcome.

[Nangza]

First off let me say that this is not in any way shape or form tied in with pedophelia. Second, this starts off not as a sexual fetish, but comes early on as a comfort thing, and something that we like to play with. Its like a childs game that makes us really happy before we even develop sex hormones. As we develop further, this game, because it is so tied in with comfort and good emotion of course gets wired into the brain with sexual desire and attraction. There is nothing to fear from this at all. This is not something someone is going to force you into, this is not the behavior of someone who is going to lock you in his car and take you out into the woods somewhere. This is the behavior of a totally normal individual who happens to like to wear diapers for his or her own reasons. I realise that changing a grown man or woman can be disgusting and trust me to change a grown man I too would proabably feel disgusted. Let him know which aspects of this make you feel disgusted and have him refrain from those aspects. This will never be curbed totally, only repressed, so you must remember that. If nothing else, find the part of yourself that can deem this behavior cute in a way, instead of morbid. Forget what society will think, and make your own decision based on your personal oppinion, and on the person you know your husband to be.

I hope this helps

Collin

[curiousgirl]

It is different for everyone, some share an intense emotional response when in nappies (diapers), others simply find that wearing a diaper can be a real turn-on. I consider myself to be a dl, where diapers are a fetish form. Unfortunately, this resulted in me breaking up with my partner. She, like yourself was totally shocked by the concept and could not come to terms with it. If your husband loves you enough, he will not pressure you. I know from mistakes past that pressure did not work and our intemacy suffered. But be patient, and understanding. Make yourself clear about how you feel too, if he respects you he will not badger you.

Cheers

I have made myself clear and I've told him that if I ever decide I am willing to try it I will tell him. Still every once in awhile he will mention it and it upsets me all over again. I know he doesn't want to pressure me but he doesn't believe that I am truely thinking about it

[glenn63]

..........

[DIAPERPHANTOM]

Hi curiousgirl and welcome to the site. I'm sorry you feel the way you do. Many of us have feared the reaction you are displaying and that's why we hesitate to ever tell anyone. It's a very hard subject to discuss and even harder to explain and understand as it's different for everyone here.

I can totally understand you being freaked out, but I can't understand why it's so important for him to have you try it. A true AB/DL knows that you can't force infantilism or a diaper fetish on another person, especially if the person is uncomfortable with it. A true AB/DL only wants acceptance, nothing more, but obviously more is better and one can only hope for that to evolve in time.

You also said that after reading some posts it sounds like some of us are just lazy. Well, I've read just about every post on this site and lazy is not a characteristic I would associate with this lifestyle. I guess you could call a full time AB lazy, but that's at the extreme end of the lifestyle, but since there are so few of them here, if any, I find it hard to believe that you could draw that conclusion from reading a few posts.

I don't mean to sound harsh, I just have a hard time understanding where you are coming from. You said "I need to understand and trying to talk to him about it ends in argument." Well, once again, it doesn't make sense to me because he is the DL not you. I find that even more unusual that you are the one willing to discuss it with him, not him with you, but he's the one who initiated it. As a DL, I would cherish the fact that you are willing to discuss it. Communication is absolutely essential in dealing with this lifestyle and he should clearly know that.

You also say that your husband likes it because it turns him on. What turns him on? Wearing diapers, looking at others in diapers, using diapers, what? The fetish can be many things. You have to be more specific for me to give you sound advice as I don't want to assume anything about his particular interests in the lifestyle/fetish. For all I know from what you said, he could be what we call a Daddy, and the advice posted here so far might not apply.

In my opinion, something is either missing or wrong here. He should be the driving force in trying to get you to understand this lifestyle/fetish, not put the burden on you to figure it out. It doesn't sound like he did his homework, but regardless, there is a forum on this site called "Friends and Family" that is set up for loved ones of ABs and DLs to learn about the lifestyle/fetish. Also, try reading about Infantilism and Diaper Fetishes on the internet, that should help as well. I hope this helps. Good Luck!

[Jilly Poo]

Dear Curious Girl,

As an AB that had to share my fetish with my husband, I want to tell you how nice it is that you are willing to seek advice on how to handle this new part of your marriage/relationship.

For most of us, being a DL or AB is a deep dark secret we have kept for a long long time. Many of us discover we like the feeling of diapers during our childhood while some don't figure it out or act on it until our teens or adulthood. Much of that is because of how we fear society will react to our desires. Although the feeling of being in a diaper can give the wearer a sense of security, the act of getting them and hiding them from the world can cause many insecure feelings.

In my case, I felt the need to share my secret about wearing diapers with my husband because I began to feel as if my secret was coming between us. I began resenting not being able to wear them because he was around. I started to get the same feelings as if I was actually "Cheating" on him because I was going on-line to chat with other people who had similar interests.

Perhaps the reason your husband has chosen to confess his desires to you is because he loves you so much that he wants to be able to share this feelings with you rather than seeking acceptance on-line. Not knowing all the facts of just how he told you, I can't say he did so improperly but for him, it probably took a great deal of courage to admit to you something he has not shared with anyone else in the world.

If he is pressuring you in any way, you need to be open with him and tell him that you are willing to seek information on your own but that his pressuring you is not helping. He needs to give you time to deal with this new information. As I have told others, having a real baby takes 9 months and the parents are given those months to adjust and prepare, so telling your partner that they have a new Adult Baby in the house will also take some time to adjust to.

If talking only ends up in arguements, perhaps you should try writing down your fears, questions or concerns and have him answer them in writing so that you can read them later when he isn't around to fight over it. It might seem silly but it could just give you a better understanding of what he is looking for from his diaper play and what role he expects you to play in it. You can also set limits as to what you are willing to try until you become more comfortable.

I hope this has been helpful in some way.

Jilly Poo

[Pipsqueak]

Curiousgirl, it might help if you listed what it is that frightens you about this. We may be better able to allay your fears if we know what they are.

Whatever they are, the other posters are correct in that you should not ever be pressured into participating if you don't want to. It's a harmless fetish, but it's still his fetish, not yours, and he needs to respect that you might not want to engage in it with him.

Regardless, it's a great credit to you that you are willing to at least try to understand.

[Wet-Staci]

CG,

Welcome--I'm glad you are finding answers to questions instead of just giving everything up with your hubby. All I can say is that different people have their own way and reasons for being a dl or ab (diaper lover or adult baby) I myself am just in to the diapers and wear diapers quite often. I dont reall like dressing up in babay clothes or using bottles, high chair, crib etc. Not saying that is bad or anything cause there are many persons that like doing that. I really like wearing diapers, I always have sice age 6. Its something you will probably have to try on your own and see if you like it. Keep in mind the many diapers out there are different and feel different when on. If you go out and get a cheap diaper and it doesnt feel good on, you may get a bad attitude and not like to wear diapers because you started off with a bad or wrong fit. I use secure plus and really like them, I would suggest getting a good quality diaper and try it out on your own. Then you can decide. Dont let your hubby push you or try to convince you into something you dont want to do. But in the long run, I think you will enjoy wearing diapers now and then.

Staci

[prob4711]

You know what, i was in exactly the same position as you, my husband told me last week he was seriously into wearing nappies and being treated like a baby. He had told me once 3 years ago when we had had a few drinks but i thought he was joking and when he tried to push the subject i freaked out, cried, shouted, just totally lost the plot. He said he wasn't serious but had tried it a few times but wouldn't do it again as it upset me. I thought that was the end of the whole thing but just last week we had had a few drinks and he sat me down and made me realise that it was serious, that he had been doing it all the time and that it wasn't going to go away. He had found adult napies on the net and brought some. He wanted me to be a part of it ie; change him and baby him.

Ashamed to admit i lost the plot again, threatened to leave him etc but once i had calmed down i decided to look into the whole adult baby thing. I found this website and it has been a great help providing loads of information. The members have been cool too, answering my questions in live chat and giving me some great advice. I finally took the plunge and when he came home from work on saturday i "played mummy" for him.

At the end of the day the way i see it he isn't hurting anyone and i have set rules that he must follow so that i am not made to feel uncomfortable and also so that it doesn't change our relationship in a bad way

I have told him i don't want to be involved everyday and that i need him to be my husband aswell.

Don't be frightened but don't let yourself be pushed into doing anything you don't want to do. At the end of the day if you are really not comfortable with it then let him know there is no harm in him doing it by himself but ask him not to do it around you.

[babybrian1973]

hi there,im glad you found this site prob4711!

so i am curious...did you get any enjoyment from

the situation on saturday? i'm not talking sexually

but i have heard from many women that play the

"mommy" role say that it was a very nice sensation

(almost like being a real mommy).

i know my girlfriend (who found out right up front)

loves doing it once in awhile. and when we do play

mommy and baby afterwards is so very rewarding for

both of us. also since she "plays" the role for me, i am

much more willing to do "stuff" she likes.

i was just wondering if things were the same for you

[diaperbaby felicity]

hi curioys girl i am a girl also and i am a ab i was never potty trained but i want you to know if you wear diapers with him he will love you so much he will never cheat

[jenniebear]

hmmm....doesn't need to be said probably but...he really should love you so much that he shouldn't cheat either way.....

i was in a relationship for 20 years....10 of those years married....we never "played" with diapers...though he knew it was my kink because we'd talked about it once or twice over the years....

i loved him....and it was enough to be in love....

but....even though i didn't expect that from him....i tried to fullfill his every desire...but it never seemed that he spent any time...or effort in trying to fullfill mine....

a lot went wrong in that relationship....but the diapers i could of lived without his participating in.....if everything else had been fullfilling............. what i've learned between my ex...and the man i am with now...who does baby me.....

is that most importantly....the more you each give to one another...the more you want to give...and the more fullfilling a relationship it seems to be....

there is no one that can tell you to what level you can or will ever want to participate in his fetish.... but yourself....all you can do is be open and honest and mature in how you deal with the desires....both of you.....

and i can understand your fears...i have had many myself about the fetish over the years.....including repulsion and hate for something that seemed so demented to me..........but...it is just a small part of who i am.....sure it's a little different...but it does bring me comfort....and it isn't about being lazy for me....i personally still find that a turn off...but then what does it for me....isn't what does it for the next person in most aspects of life.......ya know?

my best advice.....love is important...so is respect and self worth.....and many other things...weigh them all carefully .... best wishes jen

[Mommy Jodie]

So my husband tells me he has this fetish and it totally freaks me out. Im scared to een think about this stuff. Then I find some stuff hidden on his computer, pics and stuff which freaks me out even more. He really wants me to try it but honestly im scared. I need to understand and trying to talk to him about it ends in argument. So Im asking you guys to explain to me what this fetish is and how is it not disgusting and scary. I mean I read some posts and it sounds like some of you do it cause your lazy. My husband says that he likes it because diapers turn him on. Can someone please explain this to me?

Hi there CuriousGirl; this is Mommy Jodie. I totally understand your freaking out, but to put in another perspective, I would like to tell you my take on this. As an experienced woman of many years, everyone has a fantasy that would like to be fulfilled. Your husband could be trying to relive his baby days, just close your eyes and try to remember how you felt as a baby. Did you feel warm, secure, cuddled and loved unconditionally by your mommy when you were a small child. This is a kind of experience to let your inner child come out. It is a normal experience. It is also something that he may feel he needs to remember. You have to remember that when a child is born, especially a male, they have little teenie hard-ons even as newborns. I have been a mommy to a few men and I have learned to understand their needs. When I am a mommy, I am able to personally feel like a mommy who loves their little newborn child. It brings a warmth to my heart. Please be open minded and just try!!! You might never know, after a little time, you might enjoy yourself as much as he does.

[curiousgirl]

First of all I want to say thank you, you have all been very helpful and I appreciate you taking the time to answer my questions. Some of you said that you needed more info to accurately answer so here it goes.

My husband is a dl not and ab. He revealed this secret to me before we got married. At that time I was completely freaked out. I cried for like a week. I had never heard of this fetish before and I was scared. When you think of fetish's you think of the more popular ones. I had neer heard of anything like this and I was ready to break up. I told him I couldn't handle something like that and if he couldn't live without it he shouldn't be with me. Once again didn't know the extent to which he was involved or really any details. So he told me he would stop. a couple months later I was playing on his omputer an dI found several sites with pictures of adults wearing diapers. I freaked. I felt betrayed and silly as it sounds almost like he was cheating. He again promied he would stop. 6 or 7 months later he proposed. I told him that I know he still thinks about his fetish, (I mean its a fetish you can't just completely stop) Anyways I told him that if he couldn't be happy without a partner that takes part in it then I couldn't be with him. I wanted him to be happy. He said it wasn't important and he hadn't even thought about it in awhile. I believed him and I love him so I said yes. Then a month or two in the marriage I go into the coputer room to find dl porn up on the screen. I couldn't believe it. I felt hurt and betrayed. When he came home he apologied profusely and went in a deleted it all claiming it was all old stuff and he just felt the urge to look. He promised he wouldn't go to the sites anymore. A few months later I found it again. I called him at work and when he got home we had a LONG conversation about it. He told me that ever since he was like 14 he had been turned on by diapers. He said it was hard to explain exactly why because he wasn't completely sure. He also said that he would like for me to try it once. I asked what this would entail and he said I would wear a diaper and he would change it. Then he mentioned that he really wanted me to change him and that he had never even done it with anyone else and doesn't even know if he would really like it. I told him that if I ever felt ready I would tell him and he rolled his eyes . I think that he thinks that im not thinking about it and that im just hoping he will forget, which is pry why he brings it up from time to time.

Okay and someone asked me to list what scares me about it so here it goes

The one video that I saw (when I found it on the comp) Showed a girl who had acctually pooped in her diaper. To me this is disusting I believe we are potty trained for a reason. (my husband told me he wouldn't want me to poop only pee. However I still feel that its wrong. I mean thats what I have been told since I was three its how my body is programmed. I mean if you have a medical thing its understandable but when you are a healhy adult.

Also when I was younger I saw an episode of some talk show and they had an ab on and he freaked me right out. I was weirded out. He scared me.

(I hope im not upseting any of you that's not my goal Im just trying to be honest so that I can get the answers I need.)

I hope that was the info you were looking for. Thanks again you have had very helpful responses

[DIAPERPHANTOM]

First of all I want to say thank you, you have all been very helpful and I appreciate you taking the time to answer my questions. Some of you said that you needed more info to accurately answer so here it goes.

Thank you for supplying us with more detailed information about your situation.

I honestly don't believe your husband can give it up for more than a few months. I'm not saying that he lied to you, I'm just saying that he may have thought he could give it up, we all have at some time, but he couldn't. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, this fetish is much, much more than your standard kink, that's why we commonly refer to it as a lifestyle, it tends to stay with you for life. I've also tried to quit, but after a short period I'm drawn back into it. Some experts say it’s because it’s imprinted in our psyche and we can’t suppress it no matter what we do.

Like I said before, I don’t blame you for freaking out, it’s a weird lifestyle, but there is really nothing to be scared about once you understand the basics of infantilism. It has nothing to do with children even though there is an indirect link to babies or toddlers. For example: ABs are not attracted to babies, they want to be the baby. I strongly suggest you read all you can about infantilism as this is the first step in understanding the lifestyle.

Unfortunately, you will have to find a way to deal with this issue, because I don’t think it’s going away. I suggest you talk about it a little each week and absorb it slowly over time. Once your fears turn to understanding, take the next step, like having him diaper up the next time you two decide to talk about it. Once you are comfortable seeing him in a diaper, take the next step…but remember, you control your own level of acceptance and you shouldn’t be pressured into anything you don’t feel comfortable with and he should understand that right up front. If you can’t come to terms with it and don’t want to participate, then you have to make a very important decision – is it OK for him to do his own thing when you are not around, if not, you probably won’t be able to make the marriage work. I really hope it doesn't come to that.

[Babysummer]

I understand that your freaking out. but being in diapers medicaly, not only can lookin at it from a AB/dl point of view be useful but also a good way to feel better. he has a fetish, im sorry you may not like it but its oviously not going to go away no matter how much he promises, he may think he can surpress it, but its only going to come back, hes going online looking at the stuff, because he knows your only gunna freak and get mad at him. He cant surpress the disire, just like man cannot stop the urge to love a female or male depending on their interests. yea we were trained since we were young to use the potty when we were young, but i can tell you that with studys i bet you didnt know its actuly bad for us that we do this. That our body used to be able to go when it wanted to and it was better for us and oddly enough would be healthyer if we wore diapers fulltime. Also people feel a sequerity wearing a diaper and feeling safe around it. My friend who wears diapers was a abused child and the only time her father left her alone was when she was in a diaper so she never aloud her self to be potty trained. Maby a different way of looking at your husbend is insted of being mad at him, stop, think that iits what he wants and its not going to faid away. If you dont wanna take part say he can do it and wear diapers, just not in public places or w/e, but no garantees he will take it off his comp, he wants to share his fetish with the girl that means alot to him, and like it or not its you, and he oviously loves you because hes trying to surpress it to be with you but ultimitly cant. Think about it and maby, just maby, give it a shot, its not to bad, you get used to it, and your husbend will love it. if not, remember hes not cheating on you, to be honnest your just rejecting your self to him and his body had to get the feeling from some were els . gl, and give it a shot, you wouldnt like him telling you to stop doing what your favorite thing to do sexualy or even normalie is and force you to surpress it!

[jenniebear]

curious girl....

whatever you decide...i commend you for looking into it like you are....

many of us ab/dl types have even been disgusted by our own actions myself included over the years....While i accept myself now...it's been a long hard journey at times.....probably because the times when i could repress it in my life were the happy times....but when i was low already...thats when i'd not be able to hide it away and it would come out....but it would also haunt me.......

if you read the site enough...you'll see many of us talk about "purges"....we "play" with our diapers for a while until either we can just put them away for a while....or.....get so disgusted by how it controls us so much....that we end up trashing everything we have that we associate with it.....for me they have happened many times over the years....

While i hope your husband is a confident man....i am sure he too has had moments of "disgust" or "hate" for his own fetish.....your supportive attitude will mean a lot.........i'd find a way to express to him how much you are doing to investigate his interests and that in itself should go a long way with him....

and like others are pointing out....its not something that will ever probably completely go away.....my opinion is....you are going to have to accept it to a certain point...whether you participate or not....but a fetish is an obsession with an object......it doesn't take away his love for you....or mean he isn't cheating on you by wanting the diaper.....for myself i consider it more of an enhancement in my sexual life like a vibrator or any sexual type toy......it's not something i "play" with all the time....but when my Daddy and i include it in our "play"....it is a special time....

and just so you know....not all of us have an interest in pooping in a diaper....i agree....it's disgusting but some do it...and it's their choice....and some of the people who are ab's...and flaunt it on tv etc....they are a bit extreme for me too.......i personally think they look like idiots too...........for me its personal and private......... it sounds to me like you've gotten a skewed view of things.....maybe you could find a way to look at some less extreme things to get a better understanding......

good luck again....jen jen

[Inky_Wonky]

Okay I think I understand what you are scared about in relationship to the video of a girl pooping herself and the other about an ab on a talk show. Further it seems all this peeing and pooping in a diaper goes against everything that you've been taught while growing up. It's hard to fathom why anyone would be "turned-on" by such notions. Unfortunately people do. There's much worse stuff that people get turned-on by, such as asphyixiation - trying to hang oneself as an example. It doesn't make it right for everyone, nor should someone be forced into doing it either. Scared it's kinda hard for some of us to get our minds around that just seeing someone dressed in baby style clothing. What makes it so scary? Are real babies scary for you, or just the thought of an adult dressed that way? Why is it so scary?

I guess what would be help, Curious Girl, is your husband trying to get you to participate along side him in these activities, or is it much more like him asking for your approval of his activities? And participation I mean you wearing the diapers and doing the same stuff or it could mean changing his diapers, dressing him and doing all the other "babying" activities he might enjoy.

Ask yourself this question - what would make you happy in this relationship, what do you need out of it? Keep in mind, that at this point, telling your husband that he needs to get rid of it or not be in this relationship with you, may not be the right solution. Your husband must love you a lot, knowing the circumstances and his own needs. He took the risk, knowing how difficult to rid himself of the desire to be diapered and "babied" means to him. Knowing those circumstances, and possible willingness to work on acceptance of his needs, what would be your needs that your husband should help in fulfilling them?

Let me put it into perspective for you. I'm 52 yrs old and have had an interest in diapers from about the age of 8. I would make my own diapers out of old sheets, pillow cases and the like and then wrap plastic around them in order to make it feel like I had plastic pants on. I really didn't know why I was doing it, nor did I ever hear of others who wanted to do the same.

But as time went along I discovered some influences that may have affected my need/desire to do this. 1) I had problems wetting and messing myself and was punished until about the age of 6 by being diapered and forced to wear my sister's dresses while doing so. I continued having messing accidents until I was a teen. I didn't know the reasons for the problem, nor any real solutions were found by my parents to overcome this problem. 2) Being the youngest of the family was always referred to as the "baby of the family".

Dr. Money of John Hopkins, wrote a book called "Love Maps", which he explains that children have had experiences/exposures when they were young that effects their understanding of sexuality. It becomes an imprint on the psyche, usually for the rest of their lives. It could be from being molested, from wearing of certain clothing - ie diapers or any other thing that becomes associated later with sexual gratification.

Knowing this you can see how many bedwetters whose parents required their children to wear diapers until the bedwetting stopped - sometimes later into their teen yrs, might be influenced by this. In some circumstances it could be some form of punishment, like being spanked every time there was an accident.

Diapers, according to Dr. Money, become a paraphilia (an object of love) for many children, and associate that with the need for sexual fulfillment. It doesn't make it right, it just means that it will be hard to live without it, unless serious intervention is provided. In most cases, if it's not done early, the less chance of being successful.

I point this out in my own 15 yr marriage. I didn't tell my wife until on our honeymoon about the use of diapers. It became a stumbling block for me throughout my marriage due to my wife feeling that she could not live with the situation and assumed much about it - thought I might be a pedophile or I might be gay, due to some of the contacts I had made through DPF were men who were gay, and later once I found access to the internet and downloaded pics of women in diapers. It became too much for her. I tried, through counseling and purging to rid myself of it. But was unsuccessful in those attempts. I've been divorced now for 6 yrs. I've been told by my sis, that Wilma still cares for me and wished we were still together. Under the circumstances I don't see that ever coming together again, due to my issue of diapers and wanting to be an ab and desiring for a wife/mommy/baby sis to experience that with.

I wish you success Curious Girl and hope I answered part of your concerns. Maybe others can now do the same.

[prob4711]

hi there,im glad you found this site prob4711!

so i am curious...did you get any enjoyment from

the situation on saturday? i'm not talking sexually

but i have heard from many women that play the

"mommy" role say that it was a very nice sensation

(almost like being a real mommy).

i know my girlfriend (who found out right up front)

loves doing it once in awhile. and when we do play

mommy and baby afterwards is so very rewarding for

both of us. also since she "plays" the role for me, i am

much more willing to do "stuff" she likes.

i was just wondering if things were the same for you

It wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. I think i was more scared of the idea of it all. Once i began and took on the role as mummy i did quite enjoy it. I couldn't handle it everyday as i need him to be my husband but i will definately play again! I have set some rules which he must abide by one of them being that when i am in the mummy role he must do and say as i tell him too and he is not to slip back into husband mode as that would be too weird.

[DIAPERPHANTOM]

Hi again curiousgirl,

As you can see, you are getting hours and hours of advice as most of these lengthy posts are not just put together in just 5 minutes. The community is responding to your situation and trying to help you the best we can. That in it self should tell you that we are a very tight community and that we have deep concerns about each other.

PREVIOUS POST DELETED

I reevaluated this post due to some of the comments made in subsequent posts and I agree that it does not foster a positive solution to your current situation. I think I just got caught up in the middle of all this and I tried to offer you some radical solution to you feeling pressured by your husband; a way for you to push back in a way. I am still very appalled by your husband's behavior as it goes against everything I've read and feel. It's also not a characteristic of someone in this lifestyle as most have commented on this disconcerting behavior in almost every post. This is still not a viable excuse for my comments though.

The important thing is to find balance, something you both can live with. I hate to hear someone giving up on a relationship because of this lifestyle. It really does hurt us all in some way because it gives us less hope that we can make it work ourselves.

I appreciate those who brought this to my attention in following posts. I truly regret having posted those remarks and hope you find some understanding in my motives for initially doing so. I apologize to you, curiousgirl, and wish only the best for you and your husband.

[bigbabbyblue75]

First off that last post scared me, i never want to be made to wear a dress i think you sayed but i think that would do it for me, i would never ask for it any more,the tought alone of some one finding out would scare me to me out of asking for it, if that helps.

[Dill_Pickle]

I cried for like a week. I had never heard of this fetish before and I was scared. (So were we before we found others on the net)

Anyways I told him that if he couldn't be happy without a partner that takes part in it then I couldn't be with him. I wanted him to be happy. (perfectly correct, but you are thinking too much of him and not enough about whether YOU will be happy)

He said it wasn't important (not true, but quite possibly true for him at the time) and he hadn't even thought about it in awhile (probably true).

He said it was hard to explain exactly why because he wasn't completely sure. (nobody is really sure, tho gay monkeys can be made by manipulating the mother's hormones during pregnancy)

Then he mentioned that he really wanted me to change him and that he had never even done it with anyone else and doesn't even know if he would really like it. (likely true --- he might be too embarassed when you change him)

It doesn't upset us at all that you are freaked out by the Jerry Springer/Oprah type ab's...they freak us out too...and I don't think you are ready to follow the advice above about pushing your BF beyond his own diaper limits...

His going away from diapers for a while and not being able to stay away is absolutely typical for a D/L or AB... when I got together with my current GF, I told myself I'd put that stuff away...9 months later the urges were really strong again....and I told her...when I told her, one of the things I emphasized was that I was exactly the same person, but I was being honest....

My GF, for her part, has changed a few too many of her now-grown daughter's diapers to enjoy it....she mostly wants an ADULT partner....and so the agreement is that I continue to conceal my diapering when I do it...and I don't do it all the time, either. Having had psychological training, she recognizes that paraphilias are not harmful, as long as they are not interfering with other kinds of functioning or endangering someone. But that doesn't mean she can overcome her visceral reaction from her guts and she prefers not to be made aware of the diapering. It also does not mean that she doesn't use a vibrator from time to time when I am not home for one reason or another.

When I first went to a shrink, because I was having crying spells, I decided that I had better talk about my own proclivities for diapers if I wanted to get better. The shrink listened politely, and then proceeded to ignore that aspect of things. The diapers helped me to get through that period, though in the end the only thing that made things really better was to leave the relationship I was in at the time, and that took another two or three years.

The shrinks have basically concluded that paraphilias are programmed in very early, and are not going to change any more than sexual orientation can be changed from gay to straight. So it's best to think in terms of what observable harm, if any, the paraphilia is causing or could cause, and the wetting of a few diapers really isn't much harm. Public embarrassment, social isolation, that's a little different.

Another thought to consider...there are some professional situations where people wear diapers...specifically deep divers, snowmobilers(are you gonna stick your bare bum out there in the snow?), glider pilots (no bathroom, and gliders stay up for hours), and astronauts, especially on takeoff and spacewalks. Probably some long-haul truckers --- there are media reports that a few too many full jugs of pee show up on the roadside going into Seattle...and there's a medical condition called "Trucker's bladder" that results from holding your pee too long. My GF also has to use a pee pad when she rides a horse, due to all the bouncing.

My advice to you:

Talking to your hubby about this obviously makes you upset. I always thought that I was a freak sexually until I found out there were many others like me. Your fear is very understandable. When you start to panic about this, or he starts to panic, recognize that panic and stop the conversation until you calm down. Whatever conclusion you come to in your conversations with him, it is very good practice for you to force yourselves to communicate about difficult subjects without automatically getting mad at each other.

Second, you have a right to some boundaries

If you really don't want to be reminded of your husband's fetish, ask him not to remind you. Asking him not to leave his diaper porn up on the computer (and generally to keep his fetish to himself, as in properly concealing his diapers from you and the public) is not unreasonable. However, he will need to act upon his fetish from time to time, and it is unreasonable for you to expect this not to happen.

It is also your right to expect that his fetish is "in addition to" and not "instead of" the rest of your love life...and it is your right to be too turned off by diapers to think about trying one.

I would also recommend that you not take my word for any of this, and go and visit Bitter Grey's den at www.understanding.infantilism.net (I think, it's pretty close). It might also be worth your consulting a sex and/or marriage counselor about this, as being told face to face may help the message about it's being OK sink in a little better, and what I am saying about how to communicate is not easy to practice without help. I myself came to it through some rather painful experience.

Hopefully, this is good food for thought...hope this helps...

Dill Pickle

[Pipsqueak]

Excellent points, Pickle!