Am I Depressed?

[davidbhs6]

Sorry if this is in the wrong place. Mods please move as you see fit.

First what is depression. I have researched it and that is no help so I will explain my story and find out what everyone thinks.

Every day I go to work and do a lot of physically demanding labor. I will be the first to admit that I got the job I have because of my father, But I have not kept the job I have because of him. In the 5 years that I have been there can and do everything that is possible in the shop. I often get called and asked my opinion on things and equipment when they don't even bother to ask the people that have been there for well over 20 years. This is fine as I feel it shows that I take my job seriously and it shows that I am willing to learn. Now I get paid well under what everyone else is making. Meaning a guy who was hired 1 year after me makes well over 20 an hour and shows no aptitude for the job.

That is my basic day go to work and then when I get in the car to go home the depression sets in. I mean yeah the job sucks but come on its a job I should feel glad I have one. At least that is what everyone tells me. But it gets to the point when I feel like if I had a firearm I would not be typing this right now.

Now the job is not the only thing that is keeping me feeling like this. About 2 years ago the job got me pissed off enough that I enrolled in the local college. Immediately after I told my boss that I would not be going out of town on days when I had class and had to be in town for those class's. He agreed which shows they know that I am a valued employee. Yet after 2 years of school I feel like I haven't accomplished anything. I feel like I am stuck in the same thing EVERY DAY and it will never change. The problem is I don't constantly feel like this. I mean I have my happy moments. I really enjoy playing games and making things. Hell I enjoy taking my sailboat out.

So after all this being said I thought depression was an everyday thing of hopelessness, but that is not what I am feeling just an almost everyday thing.

[beallucanb]

If you are asking if life should be one happy moment after another, it just does not happen.

You have it pretty good all except the fact they should be paying you your worth, but in these times of ramped unemployment, I wouldn't look for a raise at the moment that is unless your company is swimming in jobs and cash.

You deserve as much as you are worth, but I don't think it is a good time to bring it up, unless like I said the company is doing great.

My first 50 years of life sucked I hope yours go's much better than mine did.

[gah!ghost]

How old are you if you don't mind me asking? That's sounds like the sort of post-college malaise I know a lot of people, myself included, experience.

[Diapered Jason]

No, I do not think you are depressed, but I do see regret. So you do not like what you are doing. How do you feel about your college courses?

Still, that "you should be happy you have a job" phrase is bull crap. Sure you can be happy you are financial secure, but what is the point if you find your job to be too undesirable. I am not saying you should quit your job, but you might want to think about looking for a different job, career, college major, whatever makes you happy.

[Repaid1]

You are not suffering from depression, but you do sound depressed the two are greatly different. Hang in there bud I wish I had your job, whether I liked it or not. Time will change things you just got to let it take it's course. Best of luck to you and your endeavors.

[davidbhs6]

I am 22. and I know that you are not going to be "happy" all of the time its just frustrating to know that this is it in life.

[gah!ghost]

Eh, at 22 I was pretty bummed out a lot about the lack of direction in my life. I'm 30 now and have only been happy with the lot in life for maybe the last 2-3 years.

[LilFozzyJ5]

Dave, I wont blow sunshine or bulls**t up ya arse... Adult life is hard and crappy, many of us do a lot of hours and a lot of work for very little. Each time i think I will ask for more money something else makes me think its not the best time. You are at least doing well and knuckling down, and also furthering your education...that

[gah!ghost]

Just to chime in with some happy, a dream job is possible. You just have to know what that job is. I have my dream job being a professional designer with the best work place environment I could hope for. I don't get paid as well as I feel I should but who ever does? To have your dream job you have to know what it is to begin with. That's what I spent a lot of my 20s figuring out. At one point in my mid-20s having dropped out of college and working retail I had kind of given up but I stuck it through and eventually ended up where I'm at now.

[anned]

Depressed ??? no

Stuck in a rut yes.

Been through that doing a boring job that did not lead to future i wanted..

Is your trade one you could become your own boss??

I am 60 and have been disabled since 2002.

As soon as i can finish clearing my fathers estate i plan to go back to collage.(i am the executor of the estate)

I don't need to go back to collage for work but being disabled is boring boring boring.

This time collage will be for training in something i have always wanted to do (gunsmithing)

If after i finish it i can make a living at it good, If not it will give me something i enjoy as a hobby that may give me a few extra $ to help on top of my disability checks.

I have about 10 years of collage over the last 45 years but never got a degree.

[Bettypooh]

I am 22. and I know that you are not going to be "happy" all of the time its just frustrating to know that this is it in life.

Dear heart, you are just barely started in life at 22. I know it doesn't seem like that from your eyes but trust me- it's true. And life builds from one thing to another so what you're going through now will be the thing that you next rise above as you build your life. I have clinical depression, and my last job just killed me mentally even though it was about as free and easy as it gets and it let me do darn near anything I wanted to. I knew from the day I started it that it was as temporary as any other job I've ever had. What made it so bad was that I didn't try to get away from it sooner. Now I'm happier but not much better off, even though I no longer have control of things like my work schedule and time off. It was that very thing which let me do what I really wanted to do with my volunteer work, which I've now had to drop away from. And you know something? I finally figured out that it was that volunteering that was killing me! I was giving too much of myself for my own good- something I'm too prone to do.

I'd suggest that you start looking for the kind of job situation you want. Yes, this is a rough time for that but you're not happy with what you've got now which means it's time to build something better. The time you've put in has meaning- it shows your willingness, dedication, and ability to do whatever is needed. Those are stellar qualities any employer would love to have in all of their employees. You've created a strength, now go on to another one- and don't let it get you down when utopia doesn't happen tomorrow. For many of us, that perfect job appears only near the end of our working life. And I'll add one more suggestion about something you didn't mention: give to yourself daily. Make a time where you do what you want without letting anyone else interfere with that. It will make you feel better and reaffirm your self-worth like nothing else.

At 52 and alone with most of my dreams hopelessly dashed to pieces, I still go on because as long as tomorrow might hold something better, so the effort is worth it.

Bettypooh

[davidbhs6]

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who responded. It makes me feel a little better. Now that I have had time to think about it more its not just the job that has me feeling this way. For example: I avoid almost ALL social situations eg: dont go to parties, when my friends invite me over I make excuses. This is because they makes me so freaking nervous. I just get this feeling that its all fake, a show, a front.

[gah!ghost]

It can be, but what's wrong with a show? I was going to a lot of parties and clubs and stuff when I was your age. I wasn't a drinker at all but I did manage to have some good times. All the same I'm happy that part of my life is over. I'm much more into just hanging out with friends chatting.

[Bettypooh]

We all wear 'masks' out in the real world, we all 'play games' there too. That's the usual out there where getting hurt is easy. But be true to those close to you and don't be judgmental of them when they are true to you. In time you'll find where you're comfy at in life. Me? I rarely go out and getting together means seeing what little family I claim. I'm a homebody when I'm alone, but with a friend that all changes for awhile and I have a great time- but I still prefer home when the party is over. That is the polar opposite of my younger days! I give a little to fit in (actually a lot) but as long as I am happy it's worth that much effort. So don't let others judge and label you- find who you are and then be that person if you can, then life will be a lot better. And don't forget to love that person because you're worth it!

Bettypooh

[missyD]

I am a bit concerned that people here think it okay to pronounce a clinical diagnosis as to whether or not you have depression, or any other psychological illness. Depression is insidious, and people with depression are not always "down" believe it or not. You also mention that you avoid social situations.

If your quality of life is seriously affected ( and it sort of sounds as if it might be) then it might well be worth the time and money to talk to your doctor. Social anxiety disorders, depression, or "just" too much stress can start to build a blueprint for the rest of your life, and, hey, your life is important! The fact that you have even considered taking your own life, is a HUGE cry for help. I have an undergraduate degree in psychology, which means I am educated to know enough to tell you that ONLY a trained professional can diagnose your emotional problems - hey , no sugar coating here - if you have thought about killing yourself, you need help. The right kind of help can turn what appears to be a crappy life, and a crappy job etc etc into your realizing that what you have is pretty good. What do I know about it? well, pm me and I will share with you.

Please please please,,,, you owe it to yourself, your friends, your family, and us here too ( sort of familyish friendish kind of folks) to take this seriously - hey , your doc might say, nah, your okay, and that would be great. But I REALLY worry when I hear a young man in his prime saying that if he had a firearm he would be dead. That is serious. And you sound like a lovely lovely young man.......and that,,,,, is all i have to say about that. will get down off my soapbox now...

[WetDad]

I am 22. and I know that you are not going to be "happy" all of the time its just frustrating to know that this is it in life.

David,

This is just the beginning of your life- it is not "all there is". You have already completed two years of college. What did you accomplish there? Degree or vocational? Any certifications? These are all good. Be careful that you do not fall into the trap of thinking that work is all there is to life- life is so much more. You enjoy sailing- good keep it up! Spend your spare time sailing and enjoy it. Learn all you can about sailing, and engage with others who do. Crew on other boats to pick up more skills. What is your body type? if you are small and light, you are an ideal foredeck guy. If you have good upper body strength. learn to be a trimmer. If you are built like me (comfort, not speed) then you are good "rail meat". Work isn't everything- make friends and enjoy the rest of your time.

If you have become better rounded, you will perk up when the work day is over. You have something you really enjoy that you are able to do. Very few people get to do that which they enjoy most, and even fewer get paid well for it. Keep in mind that you are free to change jobs at any time. You can even change careers- on average you will do so 3 times in your life. By 22 I had changed careers twice already. At 53 I have changed careers four times now. I still enjoy what I do, but I get my greatest satisfaction from my wife and kids as well as my hobbies. (yeah, I sail too. saltwater is my addiction...)

Speaking from personal experience, you are not clinically depressed until you have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. I've been there and I can assure you, you aren't anywhere close. You have a great work ethic, which shows in how you have become the "go to guy" at your job. Now you need to decide "what kind of job would I enjoy?" Then start working towards that job. Progress in that direction will help pick you up as well. The economy isn't totally dead, and those who can get ahead during these down times are those who will become leaders when it picks up again.

[davidbhs6]

My college is a joke. In the two years there my professors have crashed my websites that where required for the course only to tell me to start over. One of them was a computer business major teaching a operating system course. He knew nothing other than to read the slides. Hell he even had his wife come in and hand out our midterm tests. Other than that college is looking to be a failure. I want to learn to program devices, not business programming eg: websites and the like.

Oh I did forget to mention that I have bad ADD. I just don't sit still. I mean I can play a game read a book and carry on a conversation. This leads to massive amounts of boredom, which in turn I feel fuels depression.

BTW what type of sailing do you do. About 7 months ago a friend of mine got me into beach cats. Now I own a used Hobie 18 that needs some winter work.