Advice For My Son

[DiaperMom]

Hello:

I am a Mom to a 20 year old DL. I have known about his interest in this activity for several years. Although I do not understand it, I support him and love him.

Today, I discovered that he traveled about 50 miles to meet up with another DL that he met on the internet from a website called rupadded.com. I found this out because he left our house in a hurry saying he was "job hunting". After hours went by, I got worried and checked his computer. The website and connection was still on the screen.

I know there is nothing I can do to stop his behavior or stop his search to meet people who are like him. But, he is not street wise and is often extremely naive. My intention is to give him some advice about how to best protect himself from getting hurt. I am hoping that people in this group can help me formulate some protections that he will accept.

My four biggest concerns:

I am afraid that he might end up with a minor--not realizing this person is a minor or not understanding the consequences of engaging a minor.

I am concerned that he will meet up with a person who is misrepresenting themselves on the internet and intends to meet up with him in order to hurt him.

I am worried that he will become sexually involved with a person he doesn't know and might contract a STD.

I am afraid he will connect with a person much older than him and get in too deep and over his head.

I want to approach him calmly and lovingly. What should I say and do to make sure this boy I love so much stays safe?

Mom

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

You are right to have those concerns

I met persons on the net and later on in real life (non-diaper) and it worked out 200% good. Before I met the group in real life, I had both email and forum contact with them and found them to be credible in the subject matter to a high degree and when we met, it was at a very public convention featuring the actor who played in one of my favorite shows. So the time and the place was right. Also these were people in my own age range so they were not flighty or flukey

Now this was not a sex-related thing so that variable was out

There are general rules which are followed before you meet someone

1) Know them well

2) Meet in a very public setting

3) Do not be alone

Your son has no business meeting this person privately on the first meeting. They should arrange to meet at a diaper convention or meetup if at all possible. The fact that he lied to you should send up a red flag and you better talk to him about that. This is an issue of trust and having somemon watch your back. You might drag him over to DD and have him enroll here, He can use it to find out if there are any activities in the area that would be relatively safe by virtue of being known here

[babylin]

Your concerns should have been conveyed to your son 8 - 10 years ago; you likely have known he was a DL longer .

The good news is that it is not too late. Apologize for looking at his email and quietly, calmly share your major concerns with him now.

Responsibility, self-respect, maturity are themes. Eventually he will realize your love for him motivates you.

Then give him a green light, lots of positive acceptance, and unless he brings it up, don't mention his DL orientation again.

It does not matter.

happiness is wearing cotton diapers

[daddy ant]

/sniff sniff

this smells funny.

[Guest diaperboykcmo]

Hello:

I am a Mom to a 20 year old DL. I have known about his interest in this activity for several years. Although I do not understand it, I support him and love him.

Today, I discovered that he traveled about 50 miles to meet up with another DL that he met on the internet from a website called rupadded.com. I found this out because he left our house in a hurry saying he was "job hunting". After hours went by, I got worried and checked his computer. The website and connection was still on the screen.

I know there is nothing I can do to stop his behavior or stop his search to meet people who are like him. But, he is not street wise and is often extremely naive. My intention is to give him some advice about how to best protect himself from getting hurt. I am hoping that people in this group can help me formulate some protections that he will accept.

My four biggest concerns:

I am afraid that he might end up with a minor--not realizing this person is a minor or not understanding the consequences of engaging a minor.

I am concerned that he will meet up with a person who is misrepresenting themselves on the internet and intends to meet up with him in order to hurt him.

I am worried that he will become sexually involved with a person he doesn't know and might contract a STD.

I am afraid he will connect with a person much older than him and get in too deep and over his head.

I want to approach him calmly and lovingly. What should I say and do to make sure this boy I love so much stays safe?

Mom

I would say all these concerns pertain to life, not just being a dl. There are bad people in this world, he could meet them at work, meet them anywhere! Once again this has nothing to do with dl's. I think this is called common sense!

[Diapered Jason]

I would say all these concerns pertain to life, not just being a dl. There are bad people in this world, he could meet them at work, meet them anywhere! Once again this has nothing to do with dl's. I think this is called common sense!

Right, as it is unwise to:

-have sex with someone who looks too young without checking ID.

-meet someone you have been talking to online at a private place.

-have sex with someone you have just meet in person for the first time, especially without a condom, even if they say they are on birth control.

-and last but certainly the most important, give the wrong information about where you are going alone.

I have met with people, not for sex, but BDSM related activities with diapers thrown in. I did break my second rule I listed in this case, but I have my own private reasons for doing this.

[Rihanna]

/sniff sniff

this smells funny.

Agreed! "Diaper Mom" is a 58 yr old male "diaper lover," yet is worried about his/her son's activities? This is "Diaper mom's" first post, so I will take with a grain of salt until s/he posts more.

[wetman]

...

There are general rules which are followed before you meet someone

1) Know them well

2) Meet in a very public setting

3) Do not be alone

...

I think this is a very reasonable suggestion of how to do it. I'd append a 4^th point, though: A dead man's switch.

Have someone waiting for a phone call every hour. This person doesn't even have to know what you're doing, just wait for you to ring and say that you're OK, and if you don't ring, take action. Make sure the person you meet is aware of that.

greetz

wetman,

who hopes everything went alright.

[DiaperMom]

I think this is a very reasonable suggestion of how to do it. I'd append a 4^th point, though: A dead man's switch.

Have someone waiting for a phone call every hour. This person doesn't even have to know what you're doing, just wait for you to ring and say that you're OK, and if you don't ring, take action. Make sure the person you meet is aware of that.

greetz

wetman,

who hopes everything went alright.

[DiaperMom]

Thanks to everyone for thoughtful suggestions.

I am sorry if anyone feels my post was "fishy". I don't use many forums and somehow didn't register myself correctly...further, the registration made me answer questions that didn't pertain to me and I was in a bit of a panic to write my message...so to be clear, I am a FEMALE, not a DL and very much a legitimately concerned Mom.

And for Diaper Pro who thinks I should have brought this up 8-10 years ago ..you have no idea what we've been through with this boy, and how many discussions/sleepless nights and worries we've had about this and other risky behavior, including a predator who befriended him at a church, and who turned out to have a mile long record of assault with a deadly weapon. Even that experience didn't seem to make much of an impact with him.... So, in a forum such as this, I would think judgment of me might not be fair.

I also understand that these issues are internet issues and not necessarily DL issues, however, I also know that he is pursuing this type of method because he doesn't know how else to meet like minded people....I am curious about these "meet ups". How would he find out about them in his area?

Thanks again.

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

/sniff sniff

this smells funny.

A look at the profile shows Gender not telling and under the "Diapers" section "Boy". Now it has become SOP for a male ALG to list as a Girl. Up until about 3 years ago Transgnedered would have been almost preferred but since then Transgender and Transexual have become confused and there is to much overlap for clarity, and Sissy is rejected for lack of clarity and inclusion of some pretty grubby things besides which that option is very new being post 2000 in my experience

This asks the question why list as a boy and play real mom? If the answer is to demonstrate something that is a good idea then this kind of confused identification calls the whole thing into question and damages credibility and defeats any legitimate purpose

[DiaperMom]

Sigh.

Guys--I registered quickly and MADE A MISTAKE. It didn't seem to matter because I registered just to ask one important question. I'm not here for the long haul and I'm not trying to trick anyone.

Thanks again for those who answered thoughtfully.

I'll bow out now.

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

I have a saying "Every name is an alias and every address is a storefront in New Jersey" meaning that there are thing on the Web that you do not want to follow you home. This generates much unclarity so that anything that is not clear is suspected. This requires "reading between the lines". This uncertainty can result in reading into the lines as well. It is like trying to hand sew wet speghetti strands togehter end to end while wearing boxing gloves. So, if a message does not mesh with a profile and the aliasing method is not common or known then the alarms go off

[sarah_ab]

this post would be better in the family and friends forum a bit down... this forum is for PLAY mommies and daddies, not biological mothers and fathers of real children.... on the main forum page scroll down a bit more and you will see a friends and family thread.....

[Puer Aeternus]

Your main worries seem to be normal worries for anyone, if you omitted diapers from your original post then it would sound the same as every parent. It's not a specific ABDL thing. This might not be the best site to ask for help in this situation as there are plenty of resources on the internet regarding safety.

However,

"many discussions/sleepless nights and worries we've had about this and other risky behavior"

I've always worried about my parents finding out, and what would go through their minds.

Make your son aware that the home is a safe haven from any and all criticism, which can be difficult based on the family dynamics over the years. In some ways a fetish like this is sexual and other ways it is non-sexual and more of a way to relax and enjoy who you are. Even with groups like these there is still the feeling of being isolated from family and friends, creating an environment where your son is free to express himself would give a safer outlet than what he is currently seeking. Don't confront him but open up more areas where he does not have to hide who he really is. You can't stop him at this age but you can give him understanding and compassion.

mod please move post to appropriate section.

[Puer Aeternus]

and to the members of this forum...

wth how hard is it to treat every question like the op as real? regardless of profile and section. c'mon its obviously not the usual garbage that shows up, its a reasonable question asked by a member who had 1 freakin post.

show some class people.

[curiositykilledthecat]

The best advise I can offer your son is to meet in public and surrounded by many people./ I am the unofficial ambassador of the community in my dtate and have met many people via malls and coffee shops and have had no problems

[Aina]

You clearly are worried ... but it possible to voice your concerns without it becoming an issue. Tell him how you feel in as calm and non-threatening way as you are able. Keep dialogue flowing. Good luck!

[Fulldiaper]

First off, he's 20 years of age. Hopefully as a parent you have instilled in him some very solid values and he knows he can talk to you about anything. Most children don't want their parents to know their sexual activity, especially when it pertains to fetish related things. Most parents don't want to expose their children to sexual activity between spouse and or sexual partner, but it's a fact, men and women want to have sex, masturbate and orgasm. Some do this vanilla and others like cherries on top, diapers on the bottom...whatever.

If you know and you think it will be a sore spot, be patient and confront his lying, but not the underlying reason for it.

I would say something like, "how did your job hunting go?" If he sticks to his guns, call him on it. Say something like, "where were you applying, maybe I know someone that would have some pull and get you the job." as most parents do have connections in the community.

You can plant doubt in his mind with subtle statements like, "you know you'll always be my baby boy and you can talk to me about anything?"

Also things like, "you know you can tell me anything and if it's the truth, I won't be upset? But if I catch you lying to me, that would break my heart."

You still haven't exposed his little secret, but you've made him think. Stimulating thought will hopefully make him be honest and say, "I'm going to meet a potential date."

Then you can say, "are you going alone or what?" Then you can tell him to call you and let him know he's ok. This shows concern more than butting in and a year of less he'll be able to do anything legally he wants to, including drinking, having sex....just maybe not under your roof!

My mother never told me about sexual activites, STD's or anything and I regret that. I know if's difficult to breach the subject with children, but if we don't educate our children, we run the risk of losing them to sexual predators, murders and rapist. I was raped by my chess teacher and other people in my life as a teen and the one regret I have is never telling my mother or lawenforcement, since they could have raped or worse murdered some other innocent child, because I kept my mouth shut.

Talk to your child, express your concerns and if you are comfortable with it..confront his lie and say, "I was tidying up in your room after you left and saw on your computer screen a website called RUPadded. I was curious and satdown and read. Care to explain to me what you're doing there son?"

This might backfire and it might make your relationship even closer!

One of my only unbreakable rules with my son is if you lie, and I find out, I will never be able to believe you again, and don't expect me to! That's been enough as far as I know that my son has never lied to me. I have also given him immunity from punishment if he tells the truth. That doesn't mean they're aren't consequences for doing the wrong thing, just not a punishment for telling the truth and he knows the difference at 28 today. He used to scratch his crotch and I guess a form a masturbation. I didn't scold him, I told him if he was going to do that, he needed to go to his room behind closed doors and do that. When his door was closed I knocked before entering,, to give him the opportunity to stop anything that might be offensive to he or his mother.

When I built him his computer. There were conditions while he was under our roofs. The number one rule again, was don't lie to us about where you're going on the computer. Teenagers hormones rage and they're going to go to sites and explore their sexuality. I told my son that and I got the standard "EEEEEWWW dad, that's gross." or whatever kids tell their parents when they get nervous or embarassed talking about subjects they'll talk about with their friends, but not their parents!

If he's living under your roof, he should abide by your rules. You might embarass him, but I think in the long run he'll respect you more, if he's mature or when he does!

...just my .02 cents