Busted! ! ! !

[Guest little_jonny]

i came home from work after my parents picked me up. i walk in my room and look in my closet to find where i hide my stash in my side back pack on the bottom shelve and one clip was undone. meaning my mom must of been doing something in my closet. i doubt she was snooping around. she has a habit of hiding bills in my room and one place happen to be where i hide my stash. i dont know if shes gonna say anything to me.. YES, i know im 21 and she really cant say anything. but i'm really afraid to tell her the truth

[Darkfinn]

No offense... but at 21 you should be out living on your own.

[ErinM]

YES, i know im 21 and she really cant say anything.

Technically she can say something since it is her house.

Not sure if that applies if you're paying rent, but if you aren't she can say whatever she wants.

[Vermino]

ehh what is she gonna say besides comming up to you and asking? one of my friends back at prom (i dont know why, but i had the after party at my parent's house) found some of my diapers when looking for more blankets - he asked and I pulled a rabbit out of my butt saying "remember that accident on my motorcycle, yeah - still been trying to recover from it"

you don't want to tell the truth, stand up and pull that rabbit out my man - like my idol always does "deny deny deny" - Pres. Bill Clinton

for being someone 21 and living at home - some people have really good bonds with their parents, maybe they are saving up to afford a house and not waste it on rent.

[XxWillowxX]

No offense... but at 21 you should be out living on your own

no dis-respect but what is it with people these days saying that 21 yr olds should be out there parents house?, some people aren't ready yet to move.

As for being busted by ur mother, i'm sure if its botherd her she should ask by now or soon, I wouldn't worry over it though, but if it is worrying you ask her if shes been in ur room and found anything..

[Guest little_jonny]

No offense... but at 21 you should be out living on your own.

i would be on my own if i had the money

[Sophie ♥]

no dis-respect but what is it with people these days saying that 21 yr olds should be out there parents house?, some people aren't ready yet to move. .

Seconded. It's very arrogant to assume everyone should move out by 21.

-Sophie

[dl_ashlee]

Um, ya it isn't necessarily a bad thing to still be living with parents well past 21. I mean we have always had a good relationship and help each other out. I for one won't have student loans to pay back once I'm done in a year and half. And by no means does my mom have money, but she finds ways to allow me to go to school.

Also my early 20's I could go to school, not have loans, and go to raves about every other weekend and never really worried about money.

[Darkfinn]

for being someone 21 and living at home - some people have really good bonds with their parents, maybe they are saving up to afford a house and not waste it on rent.

If you are trying to hide an alternative lifestyle, you need to be up and out on your own. Otherwise don't complain about being discovered by your parents. What goes on in their house is their business.

Sorry to break it to you... but if you are 21 and still living with mommy and daddy the rest of the world sees you as an unsuccessful loser.

no dis-respect but what is it with people these days saying that 21 yr olds should be out there parents house?, some people aren't ready yet to move. .

People these days? Go talk to your parents and grandparents, or anyone in their 40's or older for that matter. Guarantee you they were out of the house by the time they turned 21. It is called becoming an adult... and it has been done for hundreds of years. Only in the last 20 years or so has it become popular for children to stay with their parents until they are 25 or older. You aren't going to learn what the real world is like when you are living with mom & dad.

[AutieAB]

I was 24 when I moved out of my mother's house. Obviously it would be ideal to be out well before then but, well the world isn't ideal, is it? There's a whole multitude of reasons why moving out of the parent's place might have to wait a bit, from economical to health to all sorts of other reasons. As for having no expectation of privacy under their roof, that's a fallacy (even more so if you're paying them any kind for rent, informal or otherwise). Obviously there are going to be some who don't but I would hope that any parent would respect that adult children still living at home need privacy and not go snooping around behind a closed bedroom door.

OP, it goes without saying but if your mother says nothing, say nothing. You said that she probably isn't one to snoop so hopefully she realised that she was risking stumbling into something she shouldn't and backed off. Just as much as you don't want her to know, she probably doesn't want to know what kinks her son has

If pinned down, you are absolutely not under any requirement to tell her the truth. You may decide to do so and/or there may be ramifications that arise if you don't but "their house" or not, you can always refuse to talk about it. That's what I'd do in your shoes - I've always said here, there are some things that parents simply shouldn't know about their kids.

[XxWillowxX]

Its kinda annoying on what society expects us to do, a good example, was I told someone online a while back that I still wear pajamie's and they took the piss out of me and i should be in boxers at my age, and i'm like acording to who? Another thing was, my sister noticed i sat down on the toliet to take a leak (my toliet door is broke so can't lock it) and she asked why i werent standing, i said why is there a problem with me sittin down? and she said yes, apprently men don't sit while taking a leak.

People need to stop expecting others to follow there own way of thinking, life would be quite dull if we all thought the same way.

[d_drew12]

Sucks your mom may have found your "stash" but I agree with others. If you don't want to be caught by the parents, don't live with them. Otherwise, expect it to happen. It's usually not a matter of if but when. It happened to me when I still lived at home and I was a freak about being careful and hiding it. Then one day accidentally left a used diaper in the bathroom after I had showered. Overlooked it when I left the bathroom(good size bathroom) and mom found it. She never suspected fetish but thought there was something medically wrong I was hiding so I played it off as it was. There was the "go see the dr" talks and a whole crap ton of nonsense and hoops I had to jump through for my "medical" condition. I finally just had to be rude to her and say "MIND OR OWN DANG BUSINESS AND LET ME WORRY ABOUT ME!!" I got so angry about the constant questions and what not that I exploded on her and she left me alone about it since. Later told her it had "cleared up".

Shortly after I moved out and it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Nothing like the freedom of your own place. NOOOOOO worries about anything but paying the mortgage. Delivers, who cares, hiding places, nope, discrete, nope, wear whenever, yup, anyone to report to, nope! Went from $250 a month rent at parents to $1000 mortgage payments which was half my monthly income. Rest of my money paid for utilities, car, insurance, phone and whatever was left over for food and entertainment. I scraped by but made due. You learn to start picking up shifts or overtime when you can, anytime it's available. Get a second job if needed or cut back on entertainment and cut coupons to save money. It's amazing the mentality shift you go through once you have real responsibilities.

Darkfinn is absolutly correct though about moving out. Couldn't agree with you more. Take birds for example. Momma bird kicks baby out of the nest to get them to fly. If they don't try, the fall flat on their face and die. Harsh reality. People need to get their "stuff" together and move out at least by 21 unless you have some very unusual circumstances or are currently in college. If you are a normal able bodied person and not going to school, you should have no problem moving out and making due. It's your debt if you got yourself there so you figure it out and stop taking charity from your parents by staying home. There's never a time when you will be comfortable moving out and paying bills but that's adult hood. It's what your parents had to do and are doing. What kind of children are parents raising these days. A bunch of users with zero ambition or motivation and massive debt accrued in a couple years of life? Too bad these parents don't do like the birds and kick them out so they'll have to survive on their own. Instead, they allow themselves to be taken advantage of by the 20 somthing and even 30 something year old children. Like Darkfinn said, nearly everyone who's now 40 or older moved out by 21. They'll probably tell you all the crappy places they've lived and beater cars they owned at first and not knowing how much money they'd have for food but they made it work budgeting every nickle they had. Now it seems every 20 year old is in debt up to their eyeballs and so the best solution for them is stay at home to "save" money, all the while they're still acruing other debt because they have zero finacial responsibilities and parents to still bail them out. Okay, this doesn't apply to "everyone" but quite a few, I know, I have friends who are the same way and I find it pathetic. Raising a family of 4 in your parents flippin' house, one of them does, because they "just can't get on their feet" yet drive newer vehicles, go on vacations and out to dinners often enough??? She has her hair done, nails and tanning but nope, can't afford to leave mommy and daddy's. I just don't get it, the parents or my friend. Live within your means and cut up those cards, learn to say no to spending money you don't have or don't NEED to spend and budget, budget, budget and don't waver from it until you can afford to. Just my two cents or probably about a dollars worth.

[Dougie]

I was raised in the 70's and 80's by a generation that instilled the values of freedom and independence for one's self. That is why so many people in the 30-60 age bracket insist on having personal freedoms as soon as they legally can.

I have noticed that people 10 or more years younger than myself were not taught many of the values that I was. It doesn't make much sense to me to live with my parents because I highly value my personal freedoms and privacy. Others may not value their freedoms enough to risk the leap. Even though I don't agree, there really is no point in flaming someone for being over 18 and still living with their parents.

To the OP: You have two basic choices. You can forget about your fetish until you get your own place. Or, you need to accept the risk that you will get caught. Take your pick.

I do find it disturbing that a moderator is required to approve a post in this thread.

[BabyDavey]

People these days? Go talk to your parents and grandparents, or anyone in their 40's or older for that matter. Guarantee you they were out of the house by the time they turned 21. It is called becoming an adult... and it has been done for hundreds of years. Only in the last 20 years or so has it become popular for children to stay with their parents until they are 25 or older. You aren't going to learn what the real world is like when you are living with mom & dad.

Right. Back in the day when a person could walk out of high school and into a good job and make a living wage? Hell, even walk out without even finishing school and earn a decent living. Reality is, for the vast majority of people, those days are over. Sure, you can get a job, move out and work your ass off to pay the rent and eat well, but if your parents are willing to help you out and give you a boost, what's the big deal?

Seriously, though; You're on an AB/DL forum, living at home with Mom and Dad might be as close to reality that some people have of going back to or staying in their childhood.

[PrincessDragonette]

People all over the world do and have lived at home far past the age of 21. Even in this country. There are even other cultures and societies where families live together, oftentimes 3 generations under the same roof. That also has been true in this country. Multi-generational households are very common, and have been throughout history. Sure modern American culture dictates different rules, but that doesn't mean it's necessarily right for everyone, or even at all. Different strokes for different folks. And I don't buy the argument that it makes you a loser. It may just mean you're frugal and capable of maintaining a decent interpersonal relationship.

Back to the OP, I wouldn't tell her unless she asks. Not much point in volunteering the information. If you're living under her roof, she kinda does have the right to say something, but whether she will or not is up to her.

[anondl]

Hi little-jonny

Don't say a thing. Forget it. If your Mom doesn't say anything it didn't happen.

Oh, and I was 25 before I left home and I never paid rent. Screw those folks who chastise you for a sweet deal.

Anondl

[XxWillowxX]

@ d_drew12 theres only one person other then you saying to move out lmao.

[Darkfinn]

Right. Back in the day when a person could walk out of high school and into a good job and make a living wage? Hell, even walk out without even finishing school and earn a decent living. Reality is, for the vast majority of people, those days are over. Sure, you can get a job, move out and work your ass off to pay the rent and eat well...

You are right... the world is tough. Griping about it and clinging to mom & dad isn't going to change that fact. When I was growing up I couldn't wait to get out of the house and live by my own rules instead of having to look over my shoulder to see if mom was watching all the time.

When I graduated high school I went off to college and worked 40+ hours a week while taking classes so I could have a place to stay and decent food to eat. Sure, mom & dad helped me get started... they bought me a truck, but I had to buy the gas and pay the insurance. After two years I discovered that college wasn't working out for me and I was just piling up debt, so I quit. I kept my job from college until I could find a better, higher paying one... then I kept that one until I could find another job that paid even more, it's called climbing the ladder.

I learned things about how companies run and how to impress my superiors by being on-time, working my ass off, and never saying "no" when I was asked to do something extra. Now here I am at 26... I make a respectable wage that I can live off of, I've got a nice car and stay in a decent apartment that is quiet and comfortable. I've got a future with a growing company. It hasn't been easy and there have been times that I have down-right hated, but it has all helped to shape me into a mature responsible productive member of society.

My point is this, the sooner you get started down the road to independence the better off you will be. You are going to have to struggle and fight to make your place in the world... but this is still America, we value hard work and self-made men. If you want freedom and privacy to live your life by your standards you are going to have to get out there and earn it for yourself.

[d_drew12]

Right. Back in the day when a person could walk out of high school and into a good job and make a living wage? Hell, even walk out without even finishing school and earn a decent living. Reality is, for the vast majority of people, those days are over. Sure, you can get a job, move out and work your ass off to pay the rent and eat well, but if your parents are willing to help you out and give you a boost, what's the big deal?

Seriously, though; You're on an AB/DL forum, living at home with Mom and Dad might be as close to reality that some people have of going back to or staying in their childhood.

You really think alllll those people back in the day just walk out of high school and into decent paying jobs right away. What world are you dreaming of??? Talk to your parents or grandparents and people of that era. They didn't just walk into what today would be considered a 40k/year job. I can tell you, out of all my aunts, uncles, parents and grandparents, they all started at meanial jobs making minimum wage and worked their way up the ladder. What they didn't do though is go out and take a 5 year loan out on brand new cars, rack up piles of debt and live with their parents into their twenties. Mainly because in some ways debt was somewhat harder to get into but also the mentality of the people then was to live within your means and pay for things WHEN you had the money no when you WILL have the money. Society is become so debt driven it's sad to see all the high schoolers rack up thousands in debt right out of the gate but really who's to blame. Probably the person who spent the money IMHO. I'm not even that old but know back in the day you just found a way to make things work without sucking of mom and dad for a decade into adulthood.

It's a poor, poor excuse to blame others for you not having money unless you are somehow physically unable to work for it. If one job doesn't pay the rent, get two or even three. Plenty of jobs still out there that don't require degrees and still make a very good wage at. Sometimes, and pretty often too, jobs without a degree can pay more than many with a degree. All depends on the line of work. My last job required no degree and I started at about 35k per year and within 5 years of climbing the payscale and taking overtime I was up to 55k. Zero degree or education other than high school and that wasn't even required. I then had two side jobs that brought in about another 7k/year just because I wanted more things in life so I got extra jobs to pay for them. I have plenty of friends who through minimal effort got jobs in the $12/hour plus range out of school and worked their way up over a few years and job changes to $20+/hour. It's not all that impractical but you have to start somewhere. Jobs aren't going to show up at your front door.

To wellpadded, the culture in the US has not been to live at home forever and yes, sure, you can freely do so as long as your parents allow but think of what the US would be like if everyone did that. Your whole childhood and life would be different because if your parents were like you they still be in your grandparents house and them in their parents house. You then raise your family there as well and so would your grandchildren. You should be lucky YOUR parents aren't like you so you could live the life you have!!

Sorry for being of the OP topic but I am on topic for what this thread has become so, meh, happens all the time.

I also don't get why we need permission to post???

[DailyDi]

The Friends and Family (f/f) support board has always required post approval to keep visiting f/f from getting swamped with HNG posts and usually I'd be blocking the non-helpful "just move out" posts too, but since it's a member and not the mom posting I've allowed a little of it.

[PrincessDragonette]

To wellpadded, the culture in the US has not been to live at home forever and yes, sure, you can freely do so as long as your parents allow but think of what the US would be like if everyone did that. Your whole childhood and life would be different because if your parents were like you they still be in your grandparents house and them in their parents house. You then raise your family there as well and so would your grandchildren. You should be lucky YOUR parents aren't like you so you could live the life you have!!

Don't jump to conclusions about me please. I started working full-time in construction when I was 15, and moved out of the house at 17. For those two years I paid rent at home to my parents. I bought my first vehicle with my own money. I have never received a handout, unless you call a job a handout. So please, I know it's the internet, but don't assume that because I'm young I've had everything handed to me.

And I never said the US was about live at home forever. I said that it has happened here, it's part of being the "melting pot" for other cultures. Multi-generational families are common here and everywhere else. In the area I was raised in we had an Amish community, it was expected of their children to live at home until they married, and even then they usually built a house next to their parents, on the family land. I've never heard anyone accuse Amish of not being productive, or of being lazy (they may be a lot of things, just not lazy ). I was saying it's time to lighten up on the OP, 21 is not all that old, and it IS a rough economy. No point in wasting money that you don't have to. Living at home DOES NOT = jobless lazy loser, that's a misconception.

[anondl]

DD,

Thanks for the explanation. I got the need "approval" msg on another thread and I'd never gotten one before and I had no idea it existed. Given the changes you talked about (in another thread) I was concerned.

I'm sorry, I'm a guy, we don't read directions. But I did look around the forums to see if any new policies were in effect.

Anondl

[XxWillowxX]

Tbh DailyD im a littile suprised you've allowed them, they seem to be pushin the guy to move out when everyone knows some people aren't ready, it was forced on me because my mother passed away before I was 21, tbf people need to relise theres reasons why people might not want to move out so soon even if the excuse work. And i'm gettin fed up with these kinds of posts tbh its unfair. Instead they should be giving advice based on the content on the orginal post.

[Guest little_jonny]

i agree and thank you again to everyone who has helped.. she hasnt said anything and i hope it stays like that. if she does ask about it, i'm just gonna tell her im not ready to talk about it. and it's hard for me to be movin out around 21. i have medical bills that add up around $1,250 i gotta pay, credit card bill, some money i owe my friends and other stuff. when im done working my summer job im trying to find a good paying job so i will soon be able to be out on my own.

[Bettypooh]

i came home from work after my parents picked me up. i walk in my room and look in my closet to find where i hide my stash in my side back pack on the bottom shelve and one clip was undone. meaning my mom must of been doing something in my closet. i doubt she was snooping around. she has a habit of hiding bills in my room and one place happen to be where i hide my stash. i dont know if shes gonna say anything to me.. YES, i know im 21 and she really cant say anything. but i'm really afraid to tell her the truth

If this gets Mod approval; here's my thoughts First, there is no need to open this subject with anyone- though it's smart to consider what you might say should they bring the subject up Dealing with parents is always awkward but for most of us nobody loves us more than Mom and Dad and they will understand quite a lot. Having said that (why must there always be an exception!), they are not the one(s) to discuss fetishes with I advocate honesty unless there is a compelling reason to avoid it, which in your case there is- you don't want to hurt their feelings. Were it me I'd say that one of my girlfriends likes to roleplay and you see no harm in going along with her wishes- that should be enough explanation to end the line of conversation. If it isn't adequate, just say that you don't want to discuss it. Address any medical questions by saying you're OK physically and you appreciate their concern, but that you will not talk about it any further at this time

At 21 you should be planning on getting out on your own- note that I didn't say you should be out on your own At some point everyone needs a life all their own and the only way to get it is to leave the nest and fly The age when that point happens varies (but you're old enough now if it's your time). You'll never have the freedom to achieve your personal best in a restrictive atmosphere and each of us deserves a chance to be our best Among many cultures there are still deep family connections- in the past it was a necessary survival preparation for old age or infirmity when you could not support yourself and someone else had to or you'd die. The western world is different now and FWIW you don't necessarily need family for this anymore While you're young you should be planning your future and working that plan Yeah, there will be impediments and changes but that's normal. At least set your career goals and get moving toward them now- trust me, they're a bi+ch to start toward later on when your body starts slowing you down Do similarly with your dreams- figure them out and get heading towards them while you're young.

Keep everything in perspective and take active control of your life. Think ahead and do what you can to steer yourself in the direction you want to go. And be ready to deal with issues that may occur ahead of time- that usually leads to more favorable outcomes and lessens worries that will eat away at your happiness. Best of luck 2U!

Bettypooh