Dealing With Severely, Mentally Ill Members

[Horndog]

Maybe as I get older, I become more grumpy, I don't know, but I'm starting to believe that there are some people on these message boards -- and others -- who desperately need help whether they admit they need it or not.

I was checking out the Mental Illness thread under Polling Place and there was a member -- I'm not going to say who -- who posted in there recently and immediately I thought, "Gee, no wonder why his posts are so strange," and a part of me wants to consider the scenario that people like this member should have their forum access restricted in order for them to get psychological help.

For as long as I've been a member of the AB/DL community, I've seen and talked to people who have a wide spectrum of shortcomings and mental illnesses, but some people admittedly handle their disabilities better than others. One thing that really impressed me about the community was the fact that people often come together to support each other. If someone wanted to talk about coming out of the closet, for instance, people would be there to say, "It's okay, we're here to guide you," and if someone is diagnosed with a particular mental illness and the one diagnosed seeks support, then can easily get it without being harshly judged or mocked.

Then there are people who create discord in the community with inappropriate subject matter or they clearly demonstrate that they are unable to function properly in a community that has set rules and guidelines. Sometimes these people admit that they have a problem. Whether or not they do, I feel those people are exploiting how accepting we are of people with disabilities. Then I see members who go as far as to enable and "egg on" people who clearly have a problem and then the situation gets worse, and by "worse," I mean the community becomes less tolerable to those who don't have as much of a problem as the people who are making them.

This is not some veiled message of angst. This is not me saying, "I'm going to leave DD because there's crazy people here!" I'm just trying to get to the bottom of a very serious problem.

[timmyc]

so what, we should have a mental competency test to join? should we all be medicated to post here? Since health care has become a luxury item not everyone has the ability to go get fixed, some people while having some issues may choose to be happy in their own skin, and the board can be therapeutic.

[AutieAB]

I fail to understand how having their "forum access restricted" (nice way of saying "banning", IMO) would have any bearing on the likelihood of a person seeking help for a mental illness. Or any illness for that matter. In fact, feeling like the community had turned it's back on them would quite probably make things worse.

Some other points:

1) You can't know for sure whether or not a person is seeking/receiving help.

2) It's just none of our business.

3) I didn't think being agreeable was an entry requirement for this board.

4) It's just none of our business.

5) I didn't think having clean bill of mental health was an entry requirement either.

Yes I know 2 and 4 are the same but I thought it was an important enough point that it was worth saying twice

[Darkfinn]

A valid point. This community seems to attract disfunctional and, well, screwed up people. Perhaps it is because of the desire to throw off the responsibilities of being an adult and return to a simpler and more enjoyable time.

But yes... out of all the fetish and lifestyle groups I've come across... AB/DL seems to have the largest percentage of people who need to grow up, shut up, get a job, get a life, get some help, quit whining and generally become productive members of society instead of living at home in mom's basement and trolling the internet while whiting about their ADD/HD or autism spectrum disorders all day.

What can we do about it? Well that goes back to mods and admins taking a stand to remove undesirable elements... and that obviously isn't going to happen in this decade, so we just have to live with it.

[timmyc]

Then there are people who create discord in the community with inappropriate subject matter or they clearly demonstrate that they are unable to function properly in a community that has set rules and guidelines.

Whose rules? Your rules, my rules? Maybe the guy who has posted twice in seven years has a few rules. As far as I know Mike and Repaid are the makers and enforcer of rules.

There are rules regarding pedophilia, spam & "pictures" of scat and those are enforced stringently.

[Darkfinn]

I believe it is the distinct lack of "rules and guidelines" that is the key issue here.

[sdsddlr]

There is some very faded distinction between supporting the many different needs of people dealing with mental illness, and enabling or even encouraging behavior that makes some of us feel uncomfortable here. It's worth pointing out because it comes up so often, but I don't think anything can or should be done about it besides making sure people understand that they do affect other members here. I've been "weirded out" from time to time, and it just made me want to contribute more positive content myself instead of the posts that irked me.

[timmyc]

I believe it is the distinct lack of "rules and guidelines" that is the key issue here.

But the OP just stated the community has set rules and guidelines.

[Horndog]

I expected quite of few of these responses. Here are my responses to those responses:

1. I'm not asking for a mental health competency test.

2. I disagree about not knowing whether someone needs help or not. Members are competent enough to detect a problem when a member's behavior is constantly and consistently disruptive within a community. Members are able to see a clean pattern of questionable behavior.

3. There is a lack of rules and guidelines here, but I was referring to similar communities to DD in my original post.

4. The best method to handling these types of people is to post positively and constructively, but even then, it doesn't address members who are mentally incorrigible.

5. It may not be your business to question people's mental states, but it is my business because I'm concerned about it.

6. I strongly believe that it's actually healthy to turn one's back from people who are severely, mentally disabled because they need to know that they should not be given a reward incentive of support for acting inappropriately and they need to know that help exists beyond the community; not that help is exclusive to the community.

[DailyDi]

1. I'm not asking for a mental health competency test.

Well, no one ever asks for one... it's usually just deemed necessary. [Grabs his white coat from the hook] Tell me about your childhood.

[erevu]

Well, no one ever asks for one... it's usually just deemed necessary. [Grabs his white coat from the hook] Tell me about your childhood.

Would that be the biological one, or the one that's ongoing?

[timmyc]

Well, no one ever asks for one... it's usually just deemed necessary. [Grabs his white coat from the hook] Tell me about your childhood.

I think 1/2 my posts cover that

[JeiSiN]

I'm declaring a real life facepalm for this nonsense.

The most obvious of statements made toward my best friend DuttyRocka was that its none of his/our business. And of course, true maturity comes in the form of tolerance for others. If you work at a grocery store and a handicapped person comes to pay for his groceries, you don't tell them to go wait outside and that they aren't allowed to come in until they learn to speak properly? Umm.. no? You are to be nicer to them, make them feel comfortable, and you give them respect. Just as you would a very elderly person, right?

Maybe you think I have a bit of a mental illness with my long-winded posts and extreme metaphors that get people thinking? Maybe I think you are immature due to a lack of tolerance? I say that being open that I am likely less mature than you, being a few years younger. Regardless, I'm analytically nuts, and the math tells me that the best thing to do in life is to enjoy it at my age, and all will come in time. Hell, am I not displaying a lack of tolerance in responding and calling you on your nonsense? Hypocrisy is bliss. But I do understand that you believe that empathy is the invisible hand/god that guides us, and that your heart is there (so long as your disdain is not rooted in pointing out the shortcomings of others and offering advice to boost your own ego?)

I'll agree with DarkFinn as I do more so than not. What he said about the amount of people on here who are seemingly going no where in life and such. Its interesting, but those are the people with the most time to post. Eventually people get lives though, and that's cool. I think every forum or message board online has the sloth-types that DarkFinn was talking about. Hell, I'm a bit of one of those people not wanting to grow up with my pot smoking and seeming lack of initiative.

Fuck it though, life's good mates. Lets enjoy the company of every normy and weirdo. I forgot to mention the weirdest thing about me, and people may think i have a mental illness because of it: I wear diapers and like to be treated like a baby. At least we all who share this fetish can feel like we are apart of a community despite our various other differences. That's what its all about.

ONE LOVE!

-JeiSiN

[Bettypooh]

Well, no one ever asks for one... it's usually just deemed necessary. [Grabs his white coat from the hook] Tell me about your childhood.

At the tender age of three

I was hooked to some machine

Just to keep my mouth from spouting junk

But they took me for a fool

And they kicked me out of school

Cause my teachers knew I had the funk

OK, who knows where that came from? Hint: The first words were "Tell me about your childhood" Are my emoticons freed from cyber-prison yet? (EDIT nope, still getting a too many images error message)

Bettypooh

[sarah_ab]

Oh my fucking god.

is this for real or am i dreaming all this??

[belinda_sue_fox]

He is just crying out to be a mod.

Seems to be a few wannabe mods just lately, moaning on and on, who desperately need help whether they admit they need it or not. A part of me wants to consider the scenario that people like this member should have their forum access restricted in order for them to get psychological help.

[curiositykilledthecat]

Well, no one ever asks for one... it's usually just deemed necessary. [Grabs his white coat from the hook] Tell me about your childhood.

There are far more douche bags on this site that are a bigger problem than the mentally disturbed people. The internet is chock full of people you might not like or care for, however, you still gotta co-exist with them. The only time an account should be banned imho is if it violates the TOS or if the intent is to be destructive to the community.

[Horndog]

Let me provide an analogy, a story to illustrate my point.

Back when I was in high school, in 2003, the principal of my school decided to merge the Special Education program with the regular school curriculum in order to save money. When that happened, our classrooms got a little larger because there were now people who clearly had a disability. Most of these people were good folks and they didn't mean any harm. Not many of these students had any disruptive ticks, spasms or outbursts that bothered people -- and even if they did, we were mostly supportive and had no problem. However, there were students who caused problems in the classroom. In Economics class, I sat next to a man who would often scream and shout randomly in class. The teacher lauded that student for his "participation" in class, but students around him -- including myself -- were uncomfortable. Eventually, I spoke with his caretaker, who occasionally sat with him in class and I told her that I was personally bothered by this student. She criticized me for not being "tolerant" of people with special needs and that I had a "moral deficiency." Shortly before our mid-terms, a couple of students left the class in protest of this student being in our class, but I remained throughout the entire semester. Eventually, I remained, but by the time we had our finals, I was one of six students in our class when originally there were 35. Many of them left because this student was disruptive -- and it was no longer an issue of "tolerance." It became an issue of preserving a distraction-free learning environment.

Now when people say I'm not "tolerant," I laugh at the charge. I've worked for the Special Olympics and have served as teacher's aid in special education classes. One of my relatives -- who I live with -- suffers from a debilitating mental illness. All these elements have become a part of my everyday life. Even so, I believe that many communities -- especially the AB/DL -- coddle those who really need help. My viewpoint has absolutely nothing to do with tolerance or "co-existing with others." It's about knowing when people need help and it's about knowing that we shouldn't enable people to behave in a manner that disrupts the community atmosphere. If these people continue to have a problem that makes a lot of other people uncomfortable, then we have to be not only tolerant of those who are causing problems. We have to be tolerant and understanding of those who don't appreciate the community being tainted by these problems. You can say, "It's not of your business, be more tolerant," but to that I say, "It is my business, so be tolerant of my opinion and deal with it."

I'm in no way saying that people who need help should be ignored or tossed under the bus. I'm saying that people should address the issue head-on; be responsible adults and tell people who need help to seek it outside the community.

Forum access should be limited to those who cause problems because people need to know their limits -- whether or not they can help themselves. People need structure, not enablers. I think it's morally irresponsible for severely, mentally ill members to be coddled without ever once suggesting that they need psychological counseling.

[Honu]

There is some very faded distinction between supporting the many different needs of people dealing with mental illness, and enabling or even encouraging behavior that makes some of us feel uncomfortable here. It's worth pointing out because it comes up so often, but I don't think anything can or should be done about it besides making sure people understand that they do affect other members here. I've been "weirded out" from time to time, and it just made me want to contribute more positive content myself instead of the posts that irked me.

Here, here!

[sarah_ab]

i shout out words, phrases, noises, my arms, hands feet, legs, mouth nose and eyes are in constant movement. Sometimes i shout of words, or swear, or things that make sense, at other times i'm just repeating the same sound over and over again... at other times i'm repeating the same few words in a pattern..

does this mean i should not be allowed to participate in the same things as everyone else?

[Horndog]

i shout out words, phrases, noises, my arms, hands feet, legs, mouth nose and eyes are in constant movement. Sometimes i shout of words, or swear, or things that make sense, at other times i'm just repeating the same sound over and over again... at other times i'm repeating the same few words in a pattern..

does this mean i should not be allowed to participate in the same things as everyone else?

Not at all.

Here's how I see it. You have people who function normally in society. You have people who have a mental disability, but they can still function in society. You have people who have a mental disability, but you tolerate them because it's not that big of a deal. Then you have people who have a mental disability, but their disability makes several people uncomfortable. It's not like, "Well, he/she bothers me personally." In that case, I'd say, "Get over it," but when there's a lot of people who are facing difficulty in participating in a community because of the disruptive actions of a few, then I think there's merit to discuss that as a viable issue.

I like how people came into this thread and said, "DirtyRocker, you're not being tolerant. You have to deal with those who are different," and it's like, "Sure, of course," but what about everyone else who is affected? It's not just me. If it was just me, I wouldn't be talking about this problem so extensively. I'm not telling people to leave DD who have disabilities either. On a daily basis, I talk to many members from all walks of life and I've never had a problem with them. It's the extreme cases and on DD, you should know what cases I'm talking about.

[gweg]

I believe it is the distinct lack of "rules and guidelines" that is the key issue here.

And why think that you making new rules is even an issue to consider.

I know the AB/DL community has been around a lot longer than you or I and the concept has survived till now and will also out live both of us.

One of the things that is starting to get irritating (to me any way) is the demand by a few to "take over" the rule making of this board and the community at large.

DD has done an excellent job with this board and the entire site. Keeping it simple and keeping the order that has been here past and present doesn't need tweaking but residence for their own ideals to be forced on the others.

I have been a member of many forums since the early 90's til now and this board has been one of the best I've seen and that doesn't need tweaked by anyone. IF DD wants to change something that is good for him and this site.

However anyone demanding they clean up their act to conform to YOUR standards is not good for the community any more than the other person demanding YOU conform to his/hers.

We are all guests here and suggestions are good however DEMANDING change to your ideals is not. IMO we all need to hold a happy medium and quit attacking other people as inferior.

[gweg]

5. It may not be your business to question people's mental states, but it is my business because I'm concerned about it.

Right now why would you think that other people aren't severely concerned about yours. LOL

But Seriously,

I believe that calling anyone mentally unstable because they write on a forum different that you is uncalled for.

[curiositykilledthecat]

People on here are frequently told they need counseling. Goerge and Wetnmessy are told that about 9-10 times a day they need counseling. This is a diaper fetish website so I am not sure how anyone on here can claim intellectual superiority. I have a friend with an iq of 200 and one who's iq rivals that of 60, both act equally retarded at times. People are on here for different reasons. Only the mods are able to ban someone, thankfully and again unless it's a violation of the TOS(Terms of Service) or in the case we had last summer with an account that was attacking our lifestyle, we don't usually ban people for being stupid. Imthink your problem is you live in California where the mentally deficient run the state. Another factor to consider is mannerisms and dialect will vary from location, so just because we view something as odd, doesn't make it odd.

I do agree that people shouldn't be coddled, however having a bout of retard rage on a web forum isn't exactly going to accomplish anything. It's just funny how the same people who cry "Get over it" when someone complains about being offended are now whining about crazy people posting?

Again the particular number of HNG's, douche bags and pompous assholes far outweighs the number of crazy people on this site. Let's work on removing those who should know better first.

[gweg]

Forum access should be limited to those who cause problems because people need to know their limits -- whether or not they can help themselves. People need structure, not enablers. I think it's morally irresponsible for severely, mentally ill members to be coddled without ever once suggesting that they need psychological counseling.

And I suppose you truly believe your the one to decide this?

I read earlier in the thread that someone thought that you wanted to align yourself to be a mod. I truly believe from reading your posts today that they (the other people believing) are correct in their thinking and I believe that adding someone who believes your statements in this thread would be a disaster to the board.

I like this board the way it is and DD once again has run it to the benefit of all or us.

I don't really speak out much on this board but when I do it is usually to seek an answer or as in this case to calm what I believe to be overzealous comments and ideas.