How Did You Work Through Shame?

[FretaBWet]

Im 26 years old and for almost twenty years I've been repressing my sissy and DL urges because of the shame and embarassment that I associate with it. I'm working with a counselor to come to a healthier place and so Im hoping some people can weigh in onhow you moved through the shame factor to be accepting of your desires.

Specifically . . .

Was there a time when you were ashamed or felt you had to hide or run from your desires to wear diapers for fun or be a sissy for fun?

What flipped the switch for you? How did you come to terms with it and get to a point where you could jsut enjoy wearing and indulging in your ab/dl/sissy side?

Colbie, You're really such a lucky guy but you just don't know it. There are so many incurable diseases and disabilities both mental and physical you could have but you have something that is easily cured. The cure is understanding. It's really that simple.

Shame, embarrassment and guilt are emotions that serve a valuable purpose as a human being. Just like fear may prevent you from doing something that may cause you death or severe injury, shame and guilt were designed to prevent you from injuring yourself socially. This is because in an earlier time man could not live on his own for any length of time and survive. Safety was found in numbers and actions that jeopardized that safety by causing you to be ostracized from your family/group/clan were minimized by shame/embarrassment or guilt.

These emotions are controlled by your brain not by your body. The effects you physically see are the results of what is going on in your head and if you change that, the physical effects disappear too. The following is an example of how the brain is at work. You're in your room alone and the door is shut but not locked. No one else is at home and you're feeling frisky so you take matters into your own hands. Are you feeling shame or guilt? You're probably feeling really good. The door opens because your Mother/Sister/roommate forgot to knock. Now how do you feel. Shame and embarrassment would probably be instantaneous and physically evident. This is because your brain completely controls how and when you feel bad.

The first step in the cure is to understand that your brain doesn't need to protect you this way any more than you need your gall bladder. If you can see the common sense that your brain is triggering a useless emotion that serves no purpose except to make you feel bad then you're on the raod to correcting it.

The second step is to believe it. You can understand something but if you believe it serves some function that maybe you don't see or understand then you're brain won't change. You have to understand that this emotion serves a negative purpose, harms you and you need to believe it.

Your shame is like a big suitcase you carry around with you. The bigger your shame the bigger the suitcase. There's no wheels on for your convenience, you have to carry it always. It serves no purpose. It doesn't carry anything you need, it just tires you out. Just drop it and walk away. You'll never miss it. You'll never regret it. You'll see your life improve because you won't be wasting energy on it any longer. Spending that energy on something worthwhile will improve your life.

Hugs and good luck,

Freta

[tris]

I'll go ahead and add this to the already strong replies: Seeing a professional helps. It really does. I'll say it again:

See a professional.

There's something comforting about the guy with degrees on the wall who can tell you that what's going on inside your little head isn't so bad. He's not God, but, since you're paying for it, his opinion matters almost as much.

My world got LOTS better after that session, and I'm willing to bet that for many of you, the same experience will only add positive self-esteem to your life.

In any case, the road to reconciliation is paved with self-acceptance; writing down your feelings and processing and analyzing them will help you turn this abstract concept into something more concrete and manageable.

[JDL23]

Shame is one of those things that can only come from within. Sure, people can try and tell you to be ashamed about something, but unless you give in to it, the shame won't occur.

Unfortunately for me, I am quite the introvert, so being awkward socially around even my own parents meant that I felt extreme shame about my burgeoning diaper fetish during my teen years. I went through the binge-and-purge cycle for a few years, then stopped for the longest time. It wasn't until halfway through college that I decided to relieve myself of some of the psychic torment. So I spent an evening with my aunt, whom I'd always been close to (more so than any other relative, especially since she'd been my sponsor in Confirmation). I finally swallowed my guilt and told her as best as I could about my "interest" in diapers, even telling her about websites like this one and the kind of people who frequented it. She understood me and respected my needs; it helps that she's always been very open-minded and belongs to the "To hell with them if they don't like it" school of living.

If nothing else, find someone in your life whom you can tell anything to, and then share this. It will do wonders for your soul, as it did for mine.

[Bettypooh]

Colbie, You're really such a lucky guy but you just don't know it. There are so many incurable diseases and disabilities both mental and physical you could have but you have something that is easily cured. The cure is understanding. It's really that simple.

Shame, embarrassment and guilt are emotions that serve a valuable purpose as a human being. Just like fear may prevent you from doing something that may cause you death or severe injury, shame and guilt were designed to prevent you from injuring yourself socially. This is because in an earlier time man could not live on his own for any length of time and survive. Safety was found in numbers and actions that jeopardized that safety by causing you to be ostracized from your family/group/clan were minimized by shame/embarrassment or guilt.

These emotions are controlled by your brain not by your body. The effects you physically see are the results of what is going on in your head and if you change that, the physical effects disappear too. The following is an example of how the brain is at work. You're in your room alone and the door is shut but not locked. No one else is at home and you're feeling frisky so you take matters into your own hands. Are you feeling shame or guilt? You're probably feeling really good. The door opens because your Mother/Sister/roommate forgot to knock. Now how do you feel. Shame and embarrassment would probably be instantaneous and physically evident. This is because your brain completely controls how and when you feel bad.

The first step in the cure is to understand that your brain doesn't need to protect you this way any more than you need your gall bladder. If you can see the common sense that your brain is triggering a useless emotion that serves no purpose except to make you feel bad then you're on the raod to correcting it.

The second step is to believe it. You can understand something but if you believe it serves some function that maybe you don't see or understand then you're brain won't change. You have to understand that this emotion serves a negative purpose, harms you and you need to believe it.

Your shame is like a big suitcase you carry around with you. The bigger your shame the bigger the suitcase. There's no wheels on for your convenience, you have to carry it always. It serves no purpose. It doesn't carry anything you need, it just tires you out. Just drop it and walk away. You'll never miss it. You'll never regret it. You'll see your life improve because you won't be wasting energy on it any longer. Spending that energy on something worthwhile will improve your life.

Hugs and good luck,

Freta

So very, very well said Freta

Shame is something you give yourself which places a higher value on the opinions of others than on your own. It has a valid purpose in helping us socially but we have to decide where the value of that ends and our own value begins to be more important. We have to decide where the shame will end and our own life begins.

Bettypooh

[rusty pins]

It is easy to get over shame, I hear booze helps. then get in your car and drive real fast...what a rush!

If anyone out there wants to take this advice, please do me a favor and find an inclosed race track that is not being used by anyone at the moment. If you want to kill yourself, that's not my problem but please do not drive drunk and fast on a public road and kill me or any of my friends and family (or anyone else for that matter) along with you!

[curiositykilledthecat]

I live with shame every day just for simply not being the son my father envisioned. I do't carry myself with shame, at least not personal shame, societal shame is a bit tougher.

[Rockies Fan in Diapers]

Wow! This is a great thread! Thanks everyone who contributed. I didn't ever think about being a sissy until was in my 50s. As a Christian I instinctively knew many of my fellow believers would condemn such desires. And wasn't I supposed to be created by God? The thing is, I have a great relationship with God and I don't feel condemned by Him, or my own conscience. My sissy side comes from my paraphilic infantilism. I know why I want it and what it means to be a sissy baby boy. My wife is a gem because she doesn't condemn me either. But there was shame in the beginning. It wasn't until I realized that God doesn't really care what kind of clothing I wear, but what's in my heart that matters that I got over the shame. It gets easier when you realize what really matters in life.

Turtlepins,

I really liked your Comment, & I couldn't of said it better. I too am a Christian, and for me I overcame the Shame When I realized that as long as I'm not Directly Hurting Anyone Else, & as long as its not Something that the Bible Condemns then its okay.

Rockies Fan. Go Rockies in 2010!

[curiositykilledthecat]

I had that epiphany a couple weeks ago at church when it finally dawned on me that different isn't always wrong. Now I'm kind of at a point spiritually where I am having to confront behavioral problems and I'm not liking it.

[Guest Wet n' Poopy in NC]

As for me....

Shame?

Guilt? YES!

I took me years to get over both until I learned to accept myself for who I am,

which also helped me to appreciate other peoples little quirks...

Our time on this earth is too short to worry about what OTHER people consider to be "Normal"

If it feels good, (and it's legal), and it make you happy, go for it!

You do your thing, I'll do mine, I won't think any less of you because of who you are or what you're into.

But I DO have issues with people who stick their nose into my business and try to tell me how to live MY life.....

[Phil Schwartz]

Colbie, You're really such a lucky guy but you just don't know it. There are so many incurable diseases and disabilities both mental and physical you could have but you have something that is easily cured. The cure is understanding. It's really that simple.

...

Spending that energy on something worthwhile will improve your life.

Hugs and good luck,

Freta

Freta, you are so right. In a way, it truly is "all in one's head". The only person preventing one from accepting oneself is, well, oneself.

And, I, too, like to remind myself that there are many other atypical traits that I could have. The one I have actually makes me happy and doesn't hurt anyone - imagine that! I'm luckily not (yet) subject to a debilitating condition, and this gives me perspective.

Along the way, my diapers have made me into a person very accepting of the quirks and differences of others. Whenever I hear someone referred to in some derogatory way because they are different, it reminds me that I'm different, too. And this is a good thing.

[M 90]

Freta, you are so right. In a way, it truly is "all in one's head". The only person preventing one from accepting oneself is, well, oneself.

And, I, too, like to remind myself that there are many other atypical traits that I could have. The one I have actually makes me happy and doesn't hurt anyone - imagine that! I'm luckily not (yet) subject to a debilitating condition, and this gives me perspective.

Along the way, my diapers have made me into a person very accepting of the quirks and differences of others. Whenever I hear someone referred to in some derogatory way because they are different, it reminds me that I'm different, too. And this is a good thing.

Heck yeah Phil, I can totally relate to what you said about how being ab/dl really helps you empathize with other people who have the quirks about them. Some of my friends and family have wondered how I can be so accepting of others who are known to have some "differences" to them than the socially accepted norm. I would have to say the reasoning has a lot to do with my infantilism.

[curiositykilledthecat]

The last few posts have rung so true. Until you accept yourself you will always feel ashamed.

[lilJester]

when this all started out for me yes i was emberassed honestly. and i thought i was a complete whack job because i didn't know anyone else was around that did this kind of thing. i mean sure i had to wear i had no choice because its wet a diaper or wet the bed. diapers a bit easier to deal with but the fact i liked them wow new concept to me. when i found the net and found out there were others like me when i was 16 then the tension kinda died out. I didnt feel as bad or as big of an outcast. I mean im not going to walk down the street in a tshirt and diaper (especially since its only oh i dunno 34 degrees atm) but im not going to sit here and think im disturbed for being who and what i am. Also I basically made an agreement with myself on how to run and live my life. I decided that if people cant accept me for myself and who i am then i have no use for them. The only people that would have any opinion that actually counted to me and mattered to me were those that could accept me for who and what i was.