What Do You Do For Depression?

[Vic]

Hi,

another topic got me started to thinking, and I realize that most of the time I'm dealing with depression. Now I know not everyone is like this, but it's something that I battle with almost every day.

I'm taking a boatload of meds every day, but it's just to maintain a level of depression that is livable (barely). Do any of you struggle with this as I do? Is this a normal thing for some of you?

When I wear diapers I'm not as depressed as I normally am, but I have to be feeling good enough to put on a diaper in the first place, and this doesn't always work anyway.

I think a lot about what the other side has in store for us, it's something we will all face, and everyone who has come before us has moved into. I often think that it has to be better than what we have in the here and now, and I have many friends and loved ones there as it is. That is why I don't fear dying, I'm not suicidal, but I'm not living to prolong my life either.

How many of you feel the same way, that life is a hard chore you have to drag yourself through every day, and the best part of your day is when you can go back to bed and forget about all of it for a little while? I know that I'm not the only one who goes through this, so who else is in this boat?

I'll be happy to get any replies of those of you who are like me, looking forward to the finish line and the end of the race. After all we all wind up in the same place in the end, so what does it matter if we're looking forward to it or not? It's not wrong to just be tired and wanting things to wind down.

As it is I'm living with someone and her 12 year old son. I've been here since he turned 7, and I've been as good an example for him as I know how to be. He knows the way I live, and why I live the way I do, but he accepts it as a part of me (he doesn't know that I like to wear diapers though). So I am doing something with the time I have left, I just wish that I had less time than I do.

I know others would give everything that they have to have more time in their lives, but I just can't relate. The way I see it is "who wants to live forever?". Nobody that I know ever dreamed I'd live as long as I have, including me, but I keep on surprising everybody, yet I always ask myself "will it ever end?".

If you've felt this way I want to know, because I can't be the only one who feels this way, there has to be someone else who's about done with this sh@t.

Peace

Vic

[hidden]

How many of you feel the same way, that life is a hard chore you have to drag yourself through every day, and the best part of your day is when you can go back to bed and forget about all of it for a little while? I know that I'm not the only one who goes through this, so who else is in this boat?

yep

[guitar_a_goo_goo_ga]

yeah, i'm in the same boat. i drink and smoke a lot to hide it. i play guitar to ignore it. but there is no escaping how i feel. i have no helpful advice. i just wish everyone would die.

[hidden]

yeah, i'm in the same boat. i drink and smoke a lot to hide it. i play guitar to ignore it. but there is no escaping how i feel. i have no helpful advice. i just wish everyone would die.

but if you drink and smoke, then they win. we can't have that.

just gotta keep going on, looking towards better days. get a hobby. start reading a manga on onemanga.com. then you got the next chapter to look forward to if nothing else.

[Diseased88]

Is the thought of no afterlife really that deplorable? Nothing matters, nothing. Trillions of years from now the universe will die too. You should be grateful to be lucky enough to experience life, and enjoy yourself while your here. Life doesn't need meaning to be beautiful.

[guitar_a_goo_goo_ga]

I'm depressed for a few reasons but mostly I am disappointed in humanity and society to the point where I don't even want to help change it. I want to recluse myself to the woods and get away from it all.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7065205277695921912#

[DailyDi]

Medication, Puzzle Games to calm my brain. Video Games to enjoy.

[Sophie ♥]

Sleep.

If I get too depressed I'll have a panic attack unless I sleep.

-Sophie

[acemanner]

I know exactly how you feel , especially the part about life. I dont welcome death , but I dont spend my life hiding from it.

I listen to music. As much as I can all the time.

I play alot of video games too.

I enjoy the escapeism of just relaxing and killing nazi after nazi after nazi after nazi after.....you get the idea.

as for attacks, I just feel so low that im barely even their, like the empty husk of what was a human being. I dont think , eat or sleep for hours, I just go through the motions nessary to live.

[Bettypooh]

Hi,

another topic got me started to thinking, and I realize that most of the time I'm dealing with depression. Now I know not everyone is like this, but it's something that I battle with almost every day.

I'm taking a boatload of meds every day, but it's just to maintain a level of depression that is livable (barely). Do any of you struggle with this as I do? Is this a normal thing for some of you?

When I wear diapers I'm not as depressed as I normally am, but I have to be feeling good enough to put on a diaper in the first place, and this doesn't always work anyway.

I think a lot about what the other side has in store for us, it's something we will all face, and everyone who has come before us has moved into. I often think that it has to be better than what we have in the here and now, and I have many friends and loved ones there as it is. That is why I don't fear dying, I'm not suicidal, but I'm not living to prolong my life either.

How many of you feel the same way, that life is a hard chore you have to drag yourself through every day, and the best part of your day is when you can go back to bed and forget about all of it for a little while? I know that I'm not the only one who goes through this, so who else is in this boat?

I'll be happy to get any replies of those of you who are like me, looking forward to the finish line and the end of the race. After all we all wind up in the same place in the end, so what does it matter if we're looking forward to it or not? It's not wrong to just be tired and wanting things to wind down.

As it is I'm living with someone and her 12 year old son. I've been here since he turned 7, and I've been as good an example for him as I know how to be. He knows the way I live, and why I live the way I do, but he accepts it as a part of me (he doesn't know that I like to wear diapers though). So I am doing something with the time I have left, I just wish that I had less time than I do.

I know others would give everything that they have to have more time in their lives, but I just can't relate. The way I see it is "who wants to live forever?". Nobody that I know ever dreamed I'd live as long as I have, including me, but I keep on surprising everybody, yet I always ask myself "will it ever end?".

If you've felt this way I want to know, because I can't be the only one who feels this way, there has to be someone else who's about done with this sh@t.

Peace

Vic

Well Vic, you're already off to a good start- you know you're depressed and you know what some of the causes are- so there's hope that you can find a solution to being happier I hated what my depression meds were doing to me once I began to see and understand it. They took away the 'lows' well enough (and I needed that at the time) but they also took away the 'highs'

(I'm not talking about artificial highs here). I tried to live that way and couldn't.

More than needing help to stay off the bottom I simply had to have the fleeting happy moments I no longer had so without telling anyone I slowly started weaning myself from the meds. I studied the disease of Clinical depression, the usual treatmnents for it, and the meds used plus how they worked until I understood it better than my Doctor and Therapist did But the most important part was learning what triggered episodes of depression in me and how to identify when an episode was beginning. From that I was able to implement a plan and counteract them enough to eventually stop the meds and go on living. Please understand that not everyone can do this- the CD friend who saved my life by getting me to seek help is one of these. She can't live without her meds though she hates them. She has enough reason to live that way to keep her on the right track. I knew that I didn't so I would have to find a similar reason if I were to succeed

At that time I was seriously mid-gender and running towards Transition as fast as I could. I was out to family and friends, and the fallout from that was finally over- I found the way I needed to become the woman inside. I was happier as a girl so by allowing 'her' to grow I found my life-sustaining reason to keep on going

In time that began to fade. I still had my 'highs' but they weren't originating from my becoming a woman- they were originating from my allowing myself to express my feminine side whenever I wanted to That discovery hurt me deeply because it meant my planned future was now in question. OK, now what? Well first and foremost I knew that pondering this was triggering my depression. My only choice was to push it to the background and let time sort things out as I knew they would. I made sure to keep my mind occupied with other things and not spend much time worrying about my future- I would simply allow whatever was going to happen to take it's course no matter what course that was.

It was about then that I began to allow myself to explore something else I had been keeping in the background- and that thing was diapers. Once again I found a way to keep enough happiness somewhere in my life to stay off the meds When the initial euphoria wore off and I accepted myself as a DL I again began sliding downhull towards depression- and adding to this was knowing that being DL meant that I'd probably never find someone to live the rest of my life with so I took up one hobby after another, letting each one come and go as it wanted to. I discovered that by doing this I could maintain enough 'highs' to get by Nearly a decade later I'm still managing to stave off depression this way. It might just work for you too. The nicest part of it all is knowing that now I have opportunitues I didn't have before. I can Transition if I need to. I diaper a lot and can come out as a DL if I want to. I have interesting things to think about to keep my mind away from the horrors of reality as I address them. I'm not trying to escape the horrors that I have to face; I'm simply refusing to let them run (and ruin) my life.

I enjoy my diaper time which provides me with a lot of stress relief. I enjoy thinking about diapers when I'm not wearing them. They are good for me no matter what anyone else thinks, and my goal of becoming a bedwetter again is something very pleasant which I am looking forward to achieving whenever it happens There are still a lot of things in life I want to try. I'm not pushing them because I want them to happen naturally. If they don't then they weren't meant to happen. If the need to try becomes overwhelming and/or I just can't wait anymore then I'll push a little in that direction instead of letting the tides of life carry me where they will. I know that I need goals to be happy and to keep my depression at bay- not so much as an escape but as something nice to look forward to, something that can get me up and running for another boring tiresome dreary day of existence in a world where I don't fit in

Do what you have to do because that allows you to do some of what you want to do. I don't think that anyone ever does any better than that- nobody gets everything they want but if you get what you need you can manage the rest on hopes that your dreams will come true. I'm "in the boat" with you Vic- you're not alone wanting something more to keep you motivated in life from day to day I wish I could find a reason to desire life over death bit it's not there. I simply accept what is handed to me and if I live to be 100 then good. If I die today that's good too. I can't say why I'm here, I didn't ask for this life but here I am and here I'll be until my time comes. I'm not going to try to change that unless life becomes too physically painful to endure anymore. I will seek whatever happiness I can find, however fleeting, and try to use that to help carry me along till the next time that happens. I guess that's all I can do and as long as I see life that way then it's enough- it fills my needs even if it leaves me with too many wants

I wish you peace Vic. I know that it's hard to find but there's some of it out there for you- somewhere- and it's up to you to find it. Cherish those who are helping you look for it for are making your quest easier. Maybe that's what this is all supposed to be about anyway- I guess I'll get that answer when this is all over with

Bettypooh

[AutieAB]

I know the gut instinct is to sit and vegetate but I think that's one of the worst things you can do - you just end up sat there thinking about how crap you feel and as such you begin to feel even worse, which leads on to thinking about how crap you feel, etc, etc.

I found it vital to realise that pattern was occurring and act to stop it. What you do isn't important (although it should be something you enjoy, obviously). The important thing is that you do something which requires some thought and distracts you from the cycle of feeling crap about feeling crap.

I cycled and walked in the countryside. Lots. I mean miles and miles and miles, 20 miles+ on the bike, 10 miles+ on foot, sometimes on the same day.

I played videogames that require concentration (seems a popular one, that).

I undertook complex programming projects that required me to learn new concepts.

I did plenty of DIY.

Distraction techniques like these aren't the solution to depression but they are sometimes necessary to break the 'negativity cycle'.

But sometimes, you just have to curl up with a fresh diaper, a warm bottle of hot chocolate and a blanket

[babyvr6]

I know this will probably ruffle some feathers here, but meds are not the answer in every case of depression. Contrary to what the TV may say, or what the drug reps tell your DR.

Personally I try to find natural ways to cope with stress and depression.

Generation Rx

[Jabez]

I struggled with depression a lot as a teenager. The best thing that I found for depression is to compile a collection of books, movies, and tv shows that make you laugh. When you start laughing, it really does help boost your mood. My personal favorite was watching Jeff Dunham DVD's.

[guitar_a_goo_goo_ga]

Jeff Dunham

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

[curiositykilledthecat]

I struggled for years with depression and I discovered a few things that help. for me it was my new found faith. This wasn't like a magic pill or anything that happened over night. however, years of study helped me change what I thought of myself, at least enough to make life somewhat worth living. In this vain I would suggest finding something greater than yourself to be involved in. For me it's Jesus, for you it could be that, or a charity or a cause. Doing something for others is a proven method to boost spirits. I play video games to escape my mundane life, alos get a cat or a dog or anything that can show affection. When I was younger nothing helped ease the pain quite like a well timed cold nose and a purr. I believe animals can sense these kind of things however that's a completely different discussion. Smoking, drinking and stuff along those lines will only make you more depressed as both activities have long term affects on your cheimcal make up, depending on the drugs.

I still have my good days and bad days however life is a journey and depending on who or what you have taking the journey with you can make a great difference. I do not believe I am clinically depressed any more, or depressed at all for that matter. My stupid meds give me mood swings which suck and I have other issues but hey I've learned to not take life so seriously and just laugh at the world around me.

To each their own, I can testify that the more self focused you are the worse off your depression will be. Also, other people can't make you happy so why let them make you unhappy? It took me a long time to figure that one out.

Also Jabez

-Well put, I tend to veg with some good tv when I'm in a pissy mood. You reminded me of a good piece of scripture.

Proverbs 17:22

²²A joyful heart is good medicine,

But a broken spirit dries up the bones.

[Vic]

Hi again all,

and thanks for the replies. I've gone without medication before, and the highs are great, but the lows are devastating. My family all tell me to stay on the meds because when I'm on them I talk more like a sane person.

I have dabbled in many different hobbies and lifestyles, but none have helped with the depression. I used to love to go hiking in the mountains though. Here there are no mountains, and no real wildlife to speak of. I also used to go camping by myself for like a week, just take a couple of good books, food, water, and of course my diapers, and just get away from it all. Oh don't let me forget my boom box and music.

I don't care that much for TV, but I do watch the comedy channel sometimes, but it really doesn't do much for me, then I find myself drifting over to TRU TV, which does nothing for me, but is interesting. I like to spend most of my time listening to music, and some of my time I spend here on the DD, but will sometimes go long periods of time between logging on.

I'm thinking about getting off the meds I'm on and trying something different, but I have to wean off the drugs I'm taking under a physicians care, because of terrible side effects and withdrawl that can be hell on earth (I know because I once decided to go off the meds cold turkey, NOT GOOD). I am currently maxed out on the type of anti-depressants and mood stabilizers that I am on, and have been for years.

So I think it's time for a change. I would just like to get it done before winter sets in, because like my sister I have SAD, and that's a bitch to deal with. Curiousity, I do have a dog, little miniature dachshund, and he's quite the character, he does help when I'm bummed out. I just still find myself falling into the pit a lot, and my mood will swing from being really down, to being really pissed off, in like .010 of a second (gotta love being bi-polar). Shelley and Buzz are used to it, but they shouldn't have to be.

I just hope that a new look into the meds I'm on will provide some type of help, I've lived sans meds before, and people say that I've got like 16 different personalities. My family say that I should stay on the meds but I'm tired of being where I am, and somethings gotta give. Hopefully I'll find the answers I seek.

Peace,

Vic

[Guest Katharsys]

Hrm, depression and what to do with it? As someone who has had lifelong chronic depression, over the years I have learned to try to focus my serious bouts of depression into doing something creative - to make, to create instead of wanting to break everything in sight.

Like a few other people here said, finding a healthy distraction is a good thing to get your mind from obsessing on the negative. If you can free yourself from your own negative thoughts, even for a few moments at a time, you are making a good step forward. But there is a catch with that - you need to learn to recognize that brief moment of freedom from that down feeling, see what it feels like, and be cognizant that that is where you want to end up at the end of the road. It sounds impossible, but it can be done. It is just very hard sometimes to do, especially when you don't feel like wanting to do anything at all.

I won't discount medication. For some people, it works wonders, and makes the cognitive therapy easier to achieve. Medication once upon a time helped me when I was to the point I couldn't help myself (and before I learned the steps above). Sadly for some people though, medication can dampen that ephemeral creative spark that some of us need to perform our jobs. This is why I had to stop taking it.

Okay, off my advice soapbox. Like I said previously, I try to create something - be it a new program, writing, drawing, photoshop/illustrator, etc. For this current round of depression I am in (due to a recent breakup), I have taken back to my sewing machine making thing that make me feel better. I have always wanted a petticoat, so I finally made myself one.

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=depressions-evolutionary

http://www.epjournal.net/filestore/ep05584604.pdf

[Vic]

I'm sorry, but I have a problem with the thinking that depression might be a process of evolution to help some people figure out what underlying problem they have is.

First, bi-polar runs in my family (though not all admit to it, like my Dad who was known for flying off the handle at the drop of a hat and decking you even though you were just a child).

Second, my Mother was pregnant with me (I was the third child out of five), and had gained weight due to the two previous pregnancies, and my Dad was on her about the wieght, so she asked her doctor about it and he prescibed her diet pills (I was born in 1959 and there was no real notion of pre-natal care, the diet pills she got were essentially pharmacutical speed).

All of my sibs were healthy, but I was born with severe asthma, and was never expected to live to 10, let alone live a full life. So I believe that chemicals, and NOT nature has had more to do with the depression that I go through, although I cannot back that up because I lack a doctoral degree.

Plus I have PTSD, which doesn't help me out much either. When I'm out and about in public you'd never know that I have the mental problems that I do, as I don't talk about them a lot, but the longer you're around me the more you think "he's kinda different". That was a problem with some when I was in the army, but I managed to take care of them without it coming back on me in a bad way.

I just refuse to let others push me around, even if inside I feel like I'm more messed up than the next guy. Don't get me wrong, if I'm in the wrong, I don't have a problem admitting that, and when I see that that is the case I do apologize. But I won't be treated as a second class citizen either.

Well I guess I've rambled enough for now, thank you all for your replies.

Peace,

Vic

[curiositykilledthecat]

Don't worry Vic, psychiatrists can't medically back up what they claim most of the time. I can relate to you in regards to being born sick. Like you I have no idea what it means to be healthy. I've technically been ill my entire life and yes it's a pain in the ass. I've been fortunate to avoid mental issues, outside of a several year bout with depression. Life really comes down to teaching yourself to think differently. It will be harder with being Bi=polar and on that note I do not recommend dropping the meds for that aspect as bipolar is at its core chemical. I dated a bipolar chick before who milked it for all it was worth. I've seen people with a real issue and people use it as an excuse to be stupid. Whatever you decide to do just be careful and remember no matter what you have friends here.

[Bettypooh]

Some more thoughts

It's long been known that mental and physical health are linked together- our bodies are composed of both as one Especially when it comes to BiPolar, Clinical Depression, Schizophrenia etal, the role which the mind plays becomes the larger issue in influencing the overall health While you can't just "Get over it" with the mind alone, the attitiude you take makes just as big a difference with these kinds of diseases You have to maintain as positive mindset as you can, always seeking to focus on whatrever good you can find. I help stave off depression by helping others through volunteer work. It gives me a knowledge of self-worth along with the social interaction which is a necessiy for good mental health. It also helps you learn how to deal with stress when it's your chosen lot to have to deal with some cranky, whiney, and obstinate old fart who wants the whole world to feel as bad as they do I refuse to let them 'break' me or make me lose my smile- their 'bad day' isn't going to get me down. Sometimes that smile is with gritted teeth but I'm not going to let them take me where I don't want to go- call it a positive outlook over a temporary goal. When I get away I feel relieved and I know I won their little game but I don't gloat in the victory- it's just me keeping my head up high knowing I've done a good job and brightened someone else's day whether they realize it or not I play mental games as I handle the bad stuff, like imagining what their faces would look like if they knew I (appearing as a guy) was wearing a matching pink bra and panty set or a diaper- when I actually am It feels good to my inner child to allow myself to play those games and to know I'm getting something over on those who think they're so smart. And it feels good to be doing what I want to do even if nobody else knows that I'm doing it.

More than what I do it's the mental workout that strengthens my mind. There are days when that hardly seems to matter but I do it anyway, out of routine, because I know tomorrow will be better. I have bad days coming but I've been at the bottom before and I won't go back there again. Nobody is going to ruin my day or my life because I'm not going to let them do it. It's like judo- you allow your opponent to waste their time and energy against you as you find and take advantage of opportunities to use their energies againt them Eventually they either give up or tire out because it becomes clear that they can't win. And when the day is over and I can escape to my own little world I indulge myself a little bit- a reward because I did good and I'm worth the reward. It's not a cure, only a coping strategy, but it works and keeps me going. I also need to have some "me" time daily so I've set aside an hour each day where I ignore the world and do what I feel like doing. That's not escapism, it's me giving myself what I need- I know everything is still going to be there when I'm settled down- another coping strategy.

I didn't figure all this out by myself. I learned a lot of it from a very wonderful therapist who saw the best and worst in me and gave me ideas about ways to handle them both. I still have problems, I always will. Some of the things I desperately want I will likely never have, but as long as I have hope that they may oneday be possible I can manage life now. Nobody can do much better than that.

Peace to you Vic, and whenever you need us lean on us- we're your friends and we want you to be happy and healthy and here for a long time

Bettypooh

[Vic]

Thanks everybody, I really have gotten a lot of support from all of you here on the board, and in the chat room, and I do appreciate it. It means a lot to know that there are a group of people who do care about me, even though I've never had the opportunity to meet them face to face. If I ever did have that chance I know what I'd have to say to all of you, and that is "thank you all very much".

I do try to use my sense of humor when things get bad, I learned my sense of humor from my uncle, he used to tell all us boys all kinds of raunchy jokes back when we were kids. I've since learned a lot more of them, and when he was going through kemo for the cancer that killed him, I used to call him up everyday, and tell him another dirty joke. That helped both of us get through a really rough patch.

Sometimes it doesn't work out, what does work everytime? Then I try some of the methods that have been mentioned here myself, or I go online and come here to DD while I listen to some good tunes. Hey it beats vegging out in front of the TV, I can tell you.

So thanks so much for all of you, and the great responses I've seen on here, I see my therapist on Mondays usually, so I won't be seeing him till Thursday (our alternate plan day) this week, but you've all been there to listen and offer up advice, so in a way I feel like I've already had my theraputic session for this week. Thank you all very much.

Peace,

Vic

[Guest TBinthehoodie]

what i do for depression is....... well think and listen to music (i prefer creed) but i also drink mountain dew with me i was on meds but when i got off of them i felt better then with them. but i also watch stuff that makes me laugh. the reason why i'm depressed........ well basically a good person that alot of bad things have happened to him(me).

i've always been the outcast and the verbal punching bag in school till my junior year of high school when i went to a new school.

but also my love life has been one of the 3 big reasons all that's happened is i get a girl they cheat on me and drop me like nothing...... and hard. idk how many times my heart has been destroyed another thing is related to it which is usually the feeling of loneliness i have. which results in me wanting a mommy/gf or a playmate/gf. because they'll be there for me (i hope).

the 3rd and final big reason is of me bottling my emotions. I've been raised on "suck it up" and being laughed at for showing emotion and pain. it suck big time as of late i only cried when my grand mother died (which i think was when i was...... 12 or 13) and when my dog of 13 years died when i was 15. other then that i just bottle it up even when i try to show emotion i can't.

but back on topic music and think about the why you are it usually helps but understanding usually leads to a better well being.

[Newroad]

I get "dressed" and have a few drinks. Snugglekitty makes sure I have no worries for a sew hours. IT's what works best for me. Just have to watch the whole drinking thing.