Wife Is Having A Hard Time With This...

[Guest dllightning]

So i have recently told my wife that I like diapers... it has not been smooth sailing.

The first night she said she still loved me. But now after it has set in a little... she doesn't know what to think or to say.

She was hoping that maybe if she just ignored it, that it would go away. I told her this will not work and will only make matters worse.

She thinks it is very strange and not normal. She says its all rubbish. The "Freak" word was even thrown in there somewhere- I might have even implied it.

All I can say is that this is extremely difficult and is tearing me up inside. I am wishing I wouldnt have told her, but at the same time I was sick of living a lie! We are both Christian but the love and acceptance thing is just not kicking in. I know now by experience what the gay community has felt due to nonacceptance. And there is a whole nother area I am glossin over, but my point is that I am now being Judged by my wife. As Christians we are to judge in the fact to call something right or wrong based on the scriptures... the judgment we are called away from is from executing sentencing and condemning people for the sin in their lives. I now feel I am under condemnation for liking diapers. And it feels horrible.

For those of you that believe in the God of the Bible, your prayers are welcomed. Any sound advice will be weighed and taken. Thanks.

[adriansurley]

I am a very devout Christian as well and I will pray for you. Is there a particular thing you would like to request in regards to a prayer - just something on your wife accepting you for who you are?

[Guest dllightning]

I can't change her. I can only try to shine the light of truth on what is happening and who we both are. Pray she can see things for what they really are in the both of us.

The request is for my being- I am depressed in this situation, and stressed about the well being of my love who is dealing with this.

Thanks

I am a very devout Christian as well and I will pray for you. Is there a particular thing you would like to request in regards to a prayer - just something on your wife accepting you for who you are?

[Baby Cammy]

With a situation like yours, there's not much you can do but wait for peace. Ask the Holy Spirit on what steps you should take.

My guess is that when you told her you didn't say it with much confidence for fear of her reaction. My advice would be to pull back, pray and ask God on how you should explain yourself (if you get the go ahead). And when you do talk to her, say it with all boldness and confidence. There's nothing to be ashamed about, merely speak with her. She's your wife and she owes you enough respect to at least hear you out.

[Mean Mommy]

All I can say is that this is extremely difficult and is tearing me up inside. I am wishing I wouldnt have told her, but at the same time I was sick of living a lie! We are both Christian but the love and acceptance thing is just not kicking in. I know now by experience what the gay community has felt due to nonacceptance. And there is a whole nother area I am glossin over, but my point is that I am now being Judged by my wife. As Christians we are to judge in the fact to call something right or wrong based on the scriptures... the judgment we are called away from is from executing sentencing and condemning people for the sin in their lives. I now feel I am under condemnation for liking diapers. And it feels horrible.

Nrrrg...

This one paragraph confuses me. You claim to empathize with homosexuals. And if that's merely on the basis that you are an AB/DL, then I think you've made a mistake in the comparison. You go onto say that Christians should judge based on scripture, and what I know about Western Christian scripture is that it views homosexuality as "sinful" i.e. "wrong." So how can you claim to empathize with homosexuals when you follow scripture that declares it's wrong?

Just wondering if you could clear that up for me..

[Bettypooh]

I wish you both the best About the only advice I can offer is to not push the issue until she's ready to discuss it, and to read(or re-read)about how Jesus acted towards all people, no matter who or what they were. Nobody but the money changers recieved his scorn because he knew that we are all God's creation and therefore to judge any person was to judge God himself.

On religion, I hold a very different view than most, but being in the "Bible Belt" South I get to see it all. I am well recieved with warmth at a Christian UU or MCC church wearing a dress, yet other unnamed "Christian" denominations hate me deeply and use the Bible to justify their beliefs and prejudice. The latter ones point to Leviticus and condemn me while wearing garments of mixed fibers and living in houses without fences on their roofs as required of them in Leviticus. Why? Either they do not understand that the Old Testament law doesn't apply to Gentiles or they are not Christian. Perhaps both. Nowhere in the New Testament is crossdressing condemned and AFAIK neither is being Gay. I'm not here to comdemn any particular sect, but only to say that if you're a part of a group who passes judgement on others in a similar manner, you're getting your just desserts. If you truly seek God, put away the Church and pick up the Bible. All the answers are in the second half of it and before you get halfway to the end you'll begin to see why most who claim to be Christian are actually not. The same is true of every religion as the imposters will always outnumber the true believers. It seems to go with the turf of religion and is why I don't waste my time in houses of indoctrination that call themselves "Churches" anymore. God is everywhere and it doesn't take a church to find him

Bettypooh

[Baby Bethany]

I'm sorry to hear that Lightning, it really does cause heartache when your nearest and dearest find this difficult to accept. Hopefully you will able to convince your wife that your interest in diapers is harmless, and doesn't make you a different person to the one she married.

On a philosophical note, and sort of in response to what MM said. One of the problems with fundamentalism is that it leaves the person living a life of contradictions. Sorry if that offends some of you, but it does.

Beth

[DiaperBoyKR]

On a philosophical note, and sort of in response to what MM said. One of the problems with fundamentalism is that it leaves the person living a life of contradictions. Sorry if that offends some of you, but it does.

Beth

Beth,

Unfortunately I have to agree with you deeply on this one. I consider myself a Christian Fundamentalist. I attend a Baptist church. I am also bisexual, and unsure of my gender identity. The way that fundamentalism is practiced is I think 80% right, and 20% seriously wrong. I think the core doctrines of fundamentalism are solid, and based in the Scriptures. I think alot of the bs that goes with it is not. I have to agree with Bettypooh, the whole purpose of the Old Testament and the Old Mosaic Law was to convict makind in their hearts, and to help them to see the light of the Messiah sent. After that point, for the Christian, the old law no longer applies. How many times did Paul write that in the Scripture? The Epistle to the Galatians is a giant tract on that. I think many fundamentalist get hung up on stupid crap that appears no where in the scripture. I've heard many preachers refer to gays as what the scripture refers to as "the abominable". For the record, that phrase refers to whoring in the temple, and the use of virgins as sexual offerings through the priests. Last week (as I posted at my blog on blogger) I got lectured by one of the elders because I was playing rummy with a regular deck of cards. I was seriously like WTF???!?!?!

I will not judge a person's salvation on the way he acts. If he professes to know that the Lord Jesus is his Lord, Savior, Brother, and Guide, that is enough for me. A Christian is perfectly capable of committing any sin in the flesh that any other one of us can do....and that includes discrimination and hatred. I have thought many times, of how many Baptists and other Fundamentalist will be surprised by the number of people in heaven that are there that they had condemned to the pits because "they couldn't be saved". All that the Scripture says is needed for Salvation is to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ in your heart, and to profess Him on your lips.

"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit"

-Romans 8:1

[adriansurley]

I prayed for you last night and I will pray for you again. I truly hope it works out well for you.

[Guest dllightning]

Oh there is seriously alot of you that I feel I owe an explanation to. I will PM you guys later and see if you really want it or not. This thread is not to discuss my views, it is a call for prayer on the matter and ask for advice. And if you are one that took this thread and hijacked it into another topic I shake my head and tell myself to move on...

If one calls for an immediate help, you help them. You don't sit there and analyze their views and their beliefs and gauge if you are going to offer advice or not. That is asinine and inhumane. You help the person first, then can ask questions later. See the Good Samaritan for details... in the Book. The number one best seller.

Later.

[Youngatheart252]

All you can do is talk to her honestly about being into diapers, and hope that some of it sinks. I know alot of people on here live with partners who don't like diapers and therefore have to hide them. I, myself, could never do that but many have and it is an option. All you can really do is say " I know this is alot to understand but if you truly love me you will except me for what I am." Good luck friend

[Wetdl]

Only advice I can offer is to wait it out. I would think that you should try to continue a normal life as much as possible.

Don't let her forget you love her and continue to do things that show that. This life seems normal to us, but let’s face it, most people regard our activities as strange.

Actions such as helping with the housework, making sure she feels loved, and doing the other things she admires you for will help her think of you as the "you" she married. In time she may talk about it, or prefer not to acknowledge it. While I'm sure you want to talk more and make sure she understands exactly what’s involved (as in no kids), wait for her to get over the initial shock.

Simple comments or responses may help when the talk starts, think about things you might what to say...

"I know this seems bad but being dishonest with you about it was bad too, I couldn't keep doing that".

"You do know this doesn't involve any kids, or photos of kids, it's me I like to treat like a kid.

Only you know your wife, and what she may be thinking. Try to anticipate her thoughts and worries, to reassure her, not to argue with her.

I think it goes without saying, if she’s having a hard time with this, now is not the time to get caught playing.

Wish you and her the best

[tris]

Hate to be the Devil's Advocate, but. .

I'll pray that the people she's told already (because don't think she'll shoulder that knowledge alone!) don't judge you; far worse than a woman's scorn is public, negative spotlight in a community that acts on their 'values'.

Who's she closer to -- Mom or one of her girlfriends? Whichever it is, you can be sure that they now know, too.(I hope you like her, whoever she is) Women talk, and when they talk, they get shit DONE. It's why women don't watch the news -- they learn more from talking to other women. They also make up their minds by talking to other women about . . . God, who knows -- but if they were on the fence, one convo is gonna solve the ish, whatever it is.

I don't know much scripture. In fact, I don't know any, really. But I do know something. Something about Lies. And living lies: It's not good.

So I'll pray that whomever she goes to for advice not only keeps your secret, but helps her see the beauty in your (little) soul.

[superdiaperbaby]

We are both Christian but the love and acceptance thing is just not kicking in. I know now by experience what the gay community has felt due to nonacceptance. And there is a whole nother area I am glossin over, but my point is that I am now being Judged by my wife. As Christians we are to judge in the fact to call something right or wrong based on the scriptures... the judgment we are called away from is from executing sentencing and condemning people for the sin in their lives. I now feel I am under condemnation for liking diapers. And it feels horrible.

Here is my advice,

Ok, you both have some problems. If you are married and love and acceptance is not a part of it then I advise seeking counseling. Her lack of acceptance is a symptom of not obeying the word of God. You want some fundamentalist advice here goes. The husband is supposed to love the wife to the point of sacrifice and the wife is supposed to submit to the husband to the point of going against her own desires. Read Ephesians 5. These actions are both mutually exclusive. Meaning you are suppose to sacrifice even if she doesn't submit and she is supposed to submit even if you don't sacrifice. The idea is that your marriage should end up being a representation of Jesus's sacrifice for the world.

Because of the situation diapers are now a litmus test of your marriage. What is the outcome of this litmus test? The wife is not submitting or accepting and you are not sacrificing. As we mature as Christian men we learn that sacrifice is more important than our own comfort, especially when you have kids and have to give up things. If your wife was mature in her walk she would respond by being as accepting as she can. But since she is not and can't you have to lay down the diapers for her. But do not do it passive aggressively. Do it with her understanding exactly what you are doing and why. She needs to understand that you love her enough to sacrifice and you will be "dying to self" as a result of this. Do sacrifice as a result of love only, not bitterness or meanness. It is going to be one of the hardest things you ever do but it will make this situation a good representation of what a Christian marriage is like.

SDB

[quabbaby]

Nrrrg...

This one paragraph confuses me. You claim to empathize with homosexuals. And if that's merely on the basis that you are an AB/DL, then I think you've made a mistake in the comparison. You go onto say that Christians should judge based on scripture, and what I know about Western Christian scripture is that it views homosexuality as "sinful" i.e. "wrong." So how can you claim to empathize with homosexuals when you follow scripture that declares it's wrong?

Just wondering if you could clear that up for me..

Mean Mommy, he was just charactorizing the non-acceptance issue between the AB/DL community and the gay community in the eyes of the general public sort-a-speak. Not the religious or moral implications of the two lifestyles. I hope I've been somewhat helpful. Quabbaby

[Toddler Pampers]

After you're married is NOT the time to confess to liking diapers. Your wife's negative reaction is to being deceived and feeling trapped mostly, not to the fact that you're into diapers.

It also sounds like you're pushing your wife to become involved. Don't do that, and see how it goes. She's not judging you just because she won't say yes. That's ridiculous.

You stand on much firmer ground when what you're doing isn't hurting (or involving) anyone else. If your wife just can't stand the thought of being married to a guy who likes diapers, even one who goes about it privately, then she's judging you, and you would be right not to like it.

[curiositykilledthecat]

I take it you are a christian and I am guessing your wife is as well. Well I am a christian to so I will offer prayer for you for what it is worth. I am going to guess that like most christian women your wife is very repressed sexually(okay like most Americans) I am not saying that it is a bad thing but at least in our circles the exploration of sexuality(not meaning gay or bi but merely the exploration of sex itself) is not encouraged and in some denominations it is even frowned upon. Do not be shocked that she is appalled or confused about your fetish.

You, on the other hand do not have the right to expect her to suddenly embrace everything as you have deceived her and lied to her throughout the bulk of the relationship. you are now presenting yourself to be a man different from whom she married. To the woman you did not trust her enough to share this before hand and now she looks at it as you think she is stupid. This has little to do with acceptance and all that other nonsense being crammed down everybodies throat. You lied to your wife. You may need to consult your pastors or if not them then at least a sex therpaist or marraige counselor so she at least understands the fetish for what it is and not what she is probably perceiving. If she truly loves you then she will accept you, however if she leaves, she is in sin and you have done nothing wrong so relax.

As for acceptance/tolerance. the Bible clearly sdtates that certain lifestyles/behaviors are wrong, however it also condemns the behavior of persecuting those in it. Meaning that those who attack homosexuals in the name of Jesus are worse than the sinners they detest. The Bible commands believers to go into all the world and preach the good news. the problewm in America is there's not enough profit in simply doing that. I don't agree with everything the "gay community" claims, demands or perpetuates but I do not hate them nor could I as I would be a hypocrite. My uncle was gay until he died and I still loved him. If your wife is a mature Christian she will be able to overcome this situation and your love will go stronger through this. If not then the hell with her.

Be in prayer and openly communicate.

[Diapers4Me]

As someone who believes that if there is a God, he wouldn't be so vain as to want us to worship him, and he certainly won't intercede in our lives.

I do agree with much of the advice already given. You need to beg and grovel for her forgiveness for lying to her for so long. Then you need to let her stew on it for a while. It is very unlikely she'll want anything to do with your fetish, but hopefully she'll tolerate you indulging your desires - you'll need to discuss the terms for this.

My wife tolerates me wearing diapers whenever I want, but that is it. She used to pat my diapered butt once in a while, but has given that up. She is also a non-practicing sexually repressed Catholic. But I knew all this about her before we got married, and she knew all about my love of diapers too. It wouldn't have been fair to drop that on her after getting married. Sorry....but that is the mistake you made.

Good luck....and let us know how it works out.

[Baby Cammy]

I don't understand how judgement is a byproduct of unfamiliarity. I have to agree with dllightning, he was asking for advice. Simply.

[Guest dllightning]

lots to reply to:

Only advice I can offer is to wait it out. I would think that you should try to continue a normal life as much as possible.

Don't let her forget you love her and continue to do things that show that. This life seems normal to us, but let’s face it, most people regard our activities as strange.

Actions such as helping with the housework, making sure she feels loved, and doing the other things she admires you for will help her think of you as the "you" she married. In time she may talk about it, or prefer not to acknowledge it. While I'm sure you want to talk more and make sure she understands exactly what’s involved (as in no kids), wait for her to get over the initial shock.

Simple comments or responses may help when the talk starts, think about things you might what to say...

"I know this seems bad but being dishonest with you about it was bad too, I couldn't keep doing that".

"You do know this doesn't involve any kids, or photos of kids, it's me I like to treat like a kid.

Only you know your wife, and what she may be thinking. Try to anticipate her thoughts and worries, to reassure her, not to argue with her.

I think it goes without saying, if she’s having a hard time with this, now is not the time to get caught playing.

Wish you and her the best

good solid advice.

Hate to be the Devil's Advocate, but. .

I'll pray that the people she's told already (because don't think she'll shoulder that knowledge alone!) don't judge you; far worse than a woman's scorn is public, negative spotlight in a community that acts on their 'values'.

Probably has not done this. But will check tomorrow morning that it is kept on the down low.

Here is my advice,

Ok, you both have some problems. If you are married and love and acceptance is not a part of it then I advise seeking counseling. Her lack of acceptance is a symptom of not obeying the word of God. You want some fundamentalist advice here goes. The husband is supposed to love the wife to the point of sacrifice and the wife is supposed to submit to the husband to the point of going against her own desires. Read Ephesians 5. These actions are both mutually exclusive. Meaning you are suppose to sacrifice even if she doesn't submit and she is supposed to submit even if you don't sacrifice. The idea is that your marriage should end up being a representation of Jesus's sacrifice for the world.

Because of the situation diapers are now a litmus test of your marriage. What is the outcome of this litmus test? The wife is not submitting or accepting and you are not sacrificing. As we mature as Christian men we learn that sacrifice is more important than our own comfort, especially when you have kids and have to give up things. If your wife was mature in her walk she would respond by being as accepting as she can. But since she is not and can't you have to lay down the diapers for her. But do not do it passive aggressively. Do it with her understanding exactly what you are doing and why. She needs to understand that you love her enough to sacrifice and you will be "dying to self" as a result of this. Do sacrifice as a result of love only, not bitterness or meanness. It is going to be one of the hardest things you ever do but it will make this situation a good representation of what a Christian marriage is like.

My wife's faith is her own and I will do what I can to encourage her to grow. As far as dying to myself, I am ready to hear what she has to say- I would be fine with being allowed to wear as long as she doesn't know about it. "outta sight, outta mind" If she came to the absolute that I should never wear diapers again- it would be horrible to brain wash myself again... but I "think" I would do it. Never know until that time comes though.

[Guest dllightning]

After you're married is NOT the time to confess to liking diapers. Your wife's negative reaction is to being deceived and feeling trapped mostly, not to the fact that you're into diapers.

It also sounds like you're pushing your wife to become involved. Don't do that, and see how it goes. She's not judging you just because she won't say yes. That's ridiculous.

You stand on much firmer ground when what you're doing isn't hurting (or involving) anyone else. If your wife just can't stand the thought of being married to a guy who likes diapers, even one who goes about it privately, then she's judging you, and you would be right not to like it.

Please read my other thread:

My brief backstory and now current events look a couple posts down for the story...

You will see that I did disclose there was one thing in my past. I was not educated in the binge purge cycle and that the desire would never go away fully. I made it 3 years. I brain washed it away only to have it come back. In my own defense. I thought it was an unnecessary thing of the past because it would not affect our future.

I take it you are a christian and I am guessing your wife is as well. Well I am a christian to so I will offer prayer for you for what it is worth. I am going to guess that like most christian women your wife is very repressed sexually(okay like most Americans) I am not saying that it is a bad thing but at least in our circles the exploration of sexuality(not meaning gay or bi but merely the exploration of sex itself) is not encouraged and in some denominations it is even frowned upon. Do not be shocked that she is appalled or confused about your fetish.

You, on the other hand do not have the right to expect her to suddenly embrace everything as you have deceived her and lied to her throughout the bulk of the relationship. you are now presenting yourself to be a man different from whom she married. To the woman you did not trust her enough to share this before hand and now she looks at it as you think she is stupid. This has little to do with acceptance and all that other nonsense being crammed down everybodies throat. You lied to your wife. You may need to consult your pastors or if not them then at least a sex therpaist or marraige counselor so she at least understands the fetish for what it is and not what she is probably perceiving. If she truly loves you then she will accept you, however if she leaves, she is in sin and you have done nothing wrong so relax.

As for acceptance/tolerance. the Bible clearly sdtates that certain lifestyles/behaviors are wrong, however it also condemns the behavior of persecuting those in it. Meaning that those who attack homosexuals in the name of Jesus are worse than the sinners they detest. The Bible commands believers to go into all the world and preach the good news. the problewm in America is there's not enough profit in simply doing that. I don't agree with everything the "gay community" claims, demands or perpetuates but I do not hate them nor could I as I would be a hypocrite. My uncle was gay until he died and I still loved him. If your wife is a mature Christian she will be able to overcome this situation and your love will go stronger through this. If not then the hell with her. biggrin.gif

Be in prayer and openly communicate.

seriously, will u subscribe to my blog and start one of your own??? I value your opinions.

I do agree with much of the advice already given. You need to beg and grovel for her forgiveness for lying to her for so long. Then you need to let her stew on it for a while. It is very unlikely she'll want anything to do with your fetish, but hopefully she'll tolerate you indulging your desires - you'll need to discuss the terms for this.

beg? grovel? - u need to read the post leading up to all of this. I will ask for her forgiveness, but not in the manner you suggest. But it will be asked for.

[Yvhuce]

I don't understand how judgement is a byproduct of unfamiliarity.

Those who are unfamiliar with something will tend to think that that which they're unfamiliar with is "strange" or "wrong", simply because it's not within their preconcieved notion of what's supposed to be normal. This is a simple human reaction. That which is different from "normal" is typically considered to be bad (or at least undesireable). This is most evident as racism and the rifts between different religions and branches (and even individual churches of the same denomination).

For example: I'm part of the local Southern Baptist Church and we have some occasional run-ins with the local Catholics on religius matters. They don't think we're doing things right and that we'll all go to hell for dareing to wear jeans to church. We think they're a borderline cult who idolizes Mary and forsakes Jesus. And we're both agaisnt the Mormans (eew! [sorry, reflex]).

[Baby Bethany]

Beth,

I will not judge a person's salvation on the way he acts. If he professes to know that the Lord Jesus is his Lord, Savior, Brother, and Guide, that is enough for me. A Christian is perfectly capable of committing any sin in the flesh that any other one of us can do....and that includes discrimination and hatred. I have thought many times, of how many Baptists and other Fundamentalist will be surprised by the number of people in heaven that are there that they had condemned to the pits because "they couldn't be saved". All that the Scripture says is needed for Salvation is to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ in your heart, and to profess Him on your lips.

"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit"

-Romans 8:1

DiaperboyKR,

I would like to have a serious theological discussion with you regarding some of the points you raised. However, I want to start a new thread in "Rest of your life" as this thread is about Lightning and his wife, and it's not fair to hijack it. If I start such a thread would you be interested in debating? We could do it through pm, but I wouldn't mind hearing the views of other members too (intelligent debate, not mud slinging).

Beth

[DiaperBoyKR]

Absolutely Beth.

I don't think there is anything at all wrong with open discussion. I have 0 problem with having one, especially in its own thread. If you have a question you don't want to open up there, feel free to pm me, and ill do my best to respond. I look forward to it :-).

[Bettypooh]

Oh there is seriously alot of you that I feel I owe an explanation to. I will PM you guys later and see if you really want it or not. This thread is not to discuss my views, it is a call for prayer on the matter and ask for advice. And if you are one that took this thread and hijacked it into another topic I shake my head and tell myself to move on...

If one calls for an immediate help, you help them. You don't sit there and analyze their views and their beliefs and gauge if you are going to offer advice or not. That is asinine and inhumane. You help the person first, then can ask questions later. See the Good Samaritan for details... in the Book. The number one best seller.

Later.

It is of no use to pick up someone who has fallen unless you will carry them until they are able to carry themselves or if you carry them in the wrong direction. To help someone requires that you understand what help is needed and to do that you must assess the situation. All to often the help being requested is not the help which is actually needed

If I give money to a drunk which they spend on food to live on then I have helped them If I give money to a drunk who spends it on booze, then I have harmed them, even though they don't see it that way If I am wise I will offer them food but not give them money, even if that isn't what they asked for.

My reflections on religion were made because you brought up the subject, I didn't hijack it. I hope you haven't misunderstod my intentions and I hope you gained some insight from my reply because it's entirely possible that what you see as the problem is being caused by something you might not be seeing Just like the Samaritan, you will find that there are many who claim and justify their goodness when in reality they are not good and there is no justification for that. You will also find goodness where you aren't looking for it, which teaches us not to close our minds by looking for it only where we think it is. It also points out very clearly that good needs no justification and that being able to justify it doesn't necessarily make something good. It shows that those who claim righteousness all to often lack it thoroughly. This I have all found to be true in my own life, just as the Bible says. Some have judged you and tried to justify that. Some have given you advice which can harm you. Some have tried to tell you that you are at fault for things beyond your control. I have not; I have simply shown you the truth about many established religions and how it can adversely affect your life when you follow them. Whether this is your situation or not I cannot say, but from what you have said this seems to to me to be the root of the problems you're now experiencing.

A mechanic I know asks his customers whether they want their machine patched or fixed. He explains that the patch will fix the trouble they came in for, then he explains that the problem which caused the troubles they are now having is deeper and harder to handle, but it's well worth fixing so that the problem they are now having doesn't reoccur, nor will they experience the other troubles that will come if they don't fix the real problem that's causing it all.

The choice is yours. All I know is that you're heading for more problems unless you fix this one at the root of it's cause wherever that may be. If you honestly seek it, then you will find it, but it may not be what you thought it was and it may not be where you thought you'd find it. It's worth it to seek it anyway if only to understand where your troubles are really coming from even if you choose not to fix them. At least then you'll have some idea of what you're likely to find in the future.

Good Luck to you now and always

Bettypooh