December 4th

[crampindonut]

HUZZAH!! Finally, I'm able to visit this website again, but I find myself in need of "peer" support. I don't even know if I'm posting this in the right place, but all I need is a little advice.

I'm currently working as a Deputy Sheriff and due to stress at the old workplace I've been placed on temporary leave. What's worrying me is I'm required to go to a counselor.

I've talked to her about all kinds of things, but the subject of ab/dl scares me to death. For some reason I've always felt guilty about it and it has caused unnecessary stress before. C'mon, guys out there you know what I mean. Having someone find out instead of being Mr. Macho he prefers to wear diapers in his spare time is a little odd to say the least. Especially feeling that my occupation carries a level authority that my submissive nature is completely seperate from.

My wife/mommy supports me and thinks I should just out and tell the counselor, but how can a secret you've only told one person (to her face, obviously cause I'm talking to ya'll) be said so nonchalantly.

[diaperpt]

HUZZAH!! Finally, I'm able to visit this website again, but I find myself in need of "peer" support. I don't even know if I'm posting this in the right place, but all I need is a little advice.

I'm currently working as a Deputy Sheriff and due to stress at the old workplace I've been placed on temporary leave. What's worrying me is I'm required to go to a counselor.

I've talked to her about all kinds of things, but the subject of ab/dl scares me to death. For some reason I've always felt guilty about it and it has caused unnecessary stress before. C'mon, guys out there you know what I mean. Having someone find out instead of being Mr. Macho he prefers to wear diapers in his spare time is a little odd to say the least. Especially feeling that my occupation carries a level authority that my submissive nature is completely seperate from.

My wife/mommy supports me and thinks I should just out and tell the counselor, but how can a secret you've only told one person (to her face, obviously cause I'm talking to ya'll) be said so nonchalantly.

OK...so you're 'required' to go to a counselor...you've talked with her about lots of stuff...and are afraid of bringing up ABDL. I think it might be important for YOU to decide what you want to get out of counselling...if all you want is to save your job (which is reasonable enough in itself) then you aren't obliged to bring it up, are you? ... stick to safe subjects and deal with what you have to deal with.

On the other hand, if you are looking for stress relief, more calm and peace in your life and ABDL plays a part in that, then maybe you need to think about bringing it into the conversation. No one can make you talk about it if you don't want to, but then again, if it plays a part in your health (mental or otherwise) then maybe you need to go for it.

I'm starting to see a counselor again for a variety of reasons myself - I've never brought it up before and I can't see me bringing it up now because I don't think it plays a part in why I'm going. I'll admit also, it would scare the crap out of me (better have a diaper on for that, huh??) to bring it up. I say that because I'm suggesting you might want to bring it up and sadly I can't tell you to do what I'm afraid of doing myself.

Still, if you are confident with your counselor, are extremely confident that this person is highly professional and keeps everything confidential (which is a pretty basic assumption for all counselors) you should be able to bring up ABDL without any fears (he says to himself as well...). They've heard far more than we could possibly tell them, I'm sure.

Maybe you'll get some advice from people who have talked with their counselor about ABDL stuff...I suspect the experiences have been mostly good, although I doubt 100%. Still, worth going for if YOU feel it'll help you. And if the counselor isn't reasonable about it, do what you have to with that person and try to find someone else, if possible.

Good luck!!

diaperpt

[Guest dllightning]

I really suggest you DO NOT BRING IT UP. I know the force and this is not something you want to leak out unless you want it all over your workplace. You could lose your job over it as well.

But if the reason for your counseling is definately linked with ABDL, you may have to disclose it to heal over the bigger wound?

In all cases I would not disclose this, as you said- you have a reputation to uphold, not just yours, but the force as well. I am not saying that this is a Lie, it is just that some things need to remain unknown. It happens all the time in govt and I am sure you have personal experience in the act of not revealing EVERYTHING in order to uphold an image.

[DailyDi]

If you want to discuss your ABDl side, I'd suggestgetting a private therapist on your own, not someone who is reporting on your mental health to your employer

[diaprbayb]

You said counsler, not a doctor? Is there confidentiality?

[crampindonut]

Thanks for the advice so far!!

My next appointment is on Dec. 4th so I guess I have enough time to sleep on it.

And yes everything is confidential, but I'm still ultimately worried as dllightning voiced about it somehow getting found out.

Does being ab/dl cause any stress with anyone else. I know sometimes I feel.....guilty doing it.

Anyways, me and the Mrs. are going to Disney for Thanksgiving (4 whole days) and I still have to convince her the trip and stay will be more fun with diapers. (Ya'll could help me out with this one too!)

Thanks

[MommaShsh]

Hi. This is Donut's Mommy. I appreciate all the advice y'all are giving him. I think he should talk to the counselor about it because the ab/dl does cause him lots of stress, anxiety and guilt. Although I support him 100% (even if he does complain because I won't let him wear diapers out in the park. I worry more then he does about being caught at Disney) no matter what I say or how I try to alleviate the guilt I am (according to him) biased because I love and adore him. Every day I see the struggle he goes though trying to be the big macho cop and the submissive ab/dl. It is very hard for him to live with both persona's. A job change is not an option, being a cop is what he has always wanted to do; and he is VERY good at it. I also can't imagine him as not being ab/dl. I think that by talking to the counselor maybe she can help him with being both persona's.

[curiositykilledthecat]

stronglyu advise that he does not talk to this counselor, since this is work related. Maybe a private counselor hat doesn't have to report to the force.

[enfant]

Definitely ask the counselor about confidentiality. I don't know what the rules are in this situation: is she working for you, or for your employers? If the things you tell her can get back to the people you work for, then consider finding someone else to talk to. But if she assures you of confidentiality, and you feel comfortable with her in all other respects, then I see no harm in discussing it.

If you're still nervous, though, you could try to find a sex therapist or a psychologist who already knows about these things. The "kink aware professionals database" at http://www.ncsfreedom.org/index.php?option...word&id=270 may help with this.

My wife and I have been talking to a sex therapist for a few months now and it's been really great. It's very nice to be able to discuss these things with someone without having to worry that it'll freak them out, or that you'll have to go into a long explanation of why you like this stuff... (It happens that our therapist has a blog and had mentioned infantilism in it, so I was already sure before I spoke to her that it would be okay.)

[dondd]

Consider, if you will...

A counselor can and will provide confidentiality. However, their responsibilities extend to the employer who in this case is a law enforcement organization. While I doubt that a professional would go back to the employer and report that the patient wears diapers they could very well report back, without fear of breaching confidentiality, that there are issues involved that could affect job performance. That is the risk you take by discussing such matters with this counselor.

Of course, the laws and procedures may vary from location to location but you'll likely find this to be the case in most of the US.

Maybe not a problem but food for thought.

Don

[wetvinyl]

I cannot imagine any health-care professional violating the credo of doctor-patient confidentiality to the point of "oh he's stressed because of his secret desire to wear diapers". I CANNOT see that happening in any ethical or necessary way.

Your job (i.e., the therapist, and your superiors he/she will report to) is only concerned with the performance of YOUR JOB. Your private life is off the table.

If you want to tell the therapist about this private part of your life, you have the right to feel confident that it will NOT be passed along to your superiors. It would be a huge breach of doctor-patient confidentiality, and it is none of their business in any way. All they care about is getting you back on track at your job-- THAT IS ALL.

I was in counseling a few years ago (not work, just getting myself back on track), and in one session I brought up my DL side. She didn't seem to know anything about it-- and after I explained a bit about it, she pretty much let it slide, and it was never brought up again. Granted, my DL thing wasn't the reason I was there... but I felt confident bringing it up because I knew it would NEVER leave the room.

Bluntly-- if your passive un-macho ABDL side clashes with your hi-stress law enforcement side, I don't see how a work-mandated therapist will be able to help you out. The therapist could suggest some work changes... but meanwhile, everyone here at DD (and your wife/Mommy) are here to help with your private side.... Together, I hope you find the way to integrate them and live your life with peace and happiness.

wv

[SoakedinTexas]

I have been a deputy sheriff for many years and a police officer before that. I also have worn diapers and had my baby time for a long time. I know first hand how hard it is to be the "tough" cop and still be the diaper lover or adult baby that you like so much. I say keep this part of you to yourself and not a company doctor. If you have the need to see someone to talk about the diapers then do it on your own. You will not only get better treatment but less stress from having to worry about you private life getting out to the rest of the department. And on that note, if you need to talk to a fellow law enforcement person feel free to hit me up.

SoakedinIowa

soakediniowa@yahoo.com

[curiositykilledthecat]

dude just get a cat, you can talk to it and ity will ignore you just like a real therapist.

Paging Dr. Mumu

[lynniehyde]

HUZZAH!! Finally, I'm able to visit this website again, but I find myself in need of "peer" support. I don't even know if I'm posting this in the right place, but all I need is a little advice.

I'm currently working as a Deputy Sheriff and due to stress at the old workplace I've been placed on temporary leave. What's worrying me is I'm required to go to a counselor.

I've talked to her about all kinds of things, but the subject of ab/dl scares me to death. For some reason I've always felt guilty about it and it has caused unnecessary stress before. C'mon, guys out there you know what I mean. Having someone find out instead of being Mr. Macho he prefers to wear diapers in his spare time is a little odd to say the least. Especially feeling that my occupation carries a level authority that my submissive nature is completely seperate from.

My wife/mommy supports me and thinks I should just out and tell the counselor, but how can a secret you've only told one person (to her face, obviously cause I'm talking to ya'll) be said so nonchalantly.

It's not at all uncommon for a "normal", hetero, macho male to be into this. Some of us need relief from the pressures of day to day responsibilities with that image. I have many big guys I count as friends into this who have had important military jobs, uber religious convictions. Families and business to support. And, all of them are like you. It's nothing to worry about. It's the Jungian/Daoist theory. Duality of Man. Yin and Yang. Hard and soft. Sun and Moon. Human nature. UBU, big guy. Find your balance.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

[Crinklebritches]

It's not at all uncommon for a "normal", hetero, macho male to be into this. Some of us need relief from the pressures of day to day responsibilities with that image. I have many big guys I count as friends into this who have had important military jobs, uber religious convictions. Families and business to support. And, all of them are like you. It's nothing to worry about. It's the Jungian/Daoist theory. Duality of Man. Yin and Yang. Hard and soft. Sun and Moon. Human nature. UBU, big guy. Find your balance.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

I agree with Heidilynn. YOU be YOU! Also someone wrote in another post about being an AB but also said "I am still a man". Meaning you have the right to be both! If there's any comfort, I say Rock ON! (I know easier said then done)

[PArms]

Bluntly-- if your passive un-macho ABDL side clashes with your hi-stress law enforcement side, I don't see how a work-mandated therapist will be able to help you out. The therapist could suggest some work changes... but meanwhile, everyone here at DD (and your wife/Mommy) are here to help with your private side.... Together, I hope you find the way to integrate them and live your life with peace and happiness.

wv

We're here to help you find the balance.

We charge by the hour, accept all major credit cards and can be bribed with diapers.

[sarah_ab]

With confidentiality, in hte usa, hippa laws prevent any sort of heatlh care worker, be it doctor, dentist, eye doctor, nurse, or therapist, from giving out confidential information

HOWEVER... if it is mandated that you go for your job, to keep your job, then you need to find the release of records paper work you signed and read it carefully, then go over it with your therapist to find out just how much information s/he can give to your employer. When receiving any medical treatment, either as a result of a workplace injury, or at the recommendation of your employer in order to keep your employment, most often there is a release form that is signed, and you need to find out just what information they are releasing.

But as a law enforcment officer, i would strongly recommend seeking a private counselor that you pay for out of pocket (so it doesn't show up on your insurance claims). By doing this, there is no paper trail connecting you to the counselor, and you are free to discuss whatever you want, without fear that they will report back to your place of employment.

I know many who are in law enforcement, fire fighting, and other high profile jobs that often put stress on men to be 'masculine' who opt to pay out of pocket for a private therapist so they can feel completely comfortable discussing their stressors and other concerns.

[Dill_Pickle]

With confidentiality, in hte usa, hippa laws prevent any sort of heatlh care worker, be it doctor, dentist, eye doctor, nurse, or therapist, from giving out confidential information

My therapist was quite concerned with the loss of confidentiality implied by Hippa...

In Virgina, there are certain points at which confidentiality can be broken, all involving imminent danger of harm to someone. (also the requirement for getting locked up for being loopy). And then there's Hippa...

My experience over three or four therapists for depression/anxiety issues has been that my enjoyment of diapers gets an occasional warning about being discreet when buying..and nothing else.

The therapists bible, the DSM, states that unless there is harm to your functioning involved, (or hazards, like suffocation in the case of autoerotic asphyxiation, which kills a hundred or so americans per year) that "paraphilias" (Kinks) are not a problem.

In your case, the diapers are causing considerable stress in your job and it is clearly affecting your performance...and that stress isn't going to go away until you work on it. The equation for you is simple: You need to talk to a therapist about this, or you can look for work. My (and everyone else on DailyDi) telling you that it is OK to wear diapers when you feel like it and to relax and not feel guilty just isn't going to do the trick. It's like me, hearing horse trainers say "Heels down!" for five years, then getting on a horse and finding that keeping my heels down is easier said than done....

In your shoes, I think talking to a private counselor in your pay alone would be a very good idea. I think it might also be worth continuing to see your current therapist, discussing the boundaries of confidentiality, doing such things as retrieving your written records from the last time. Feeling safe is a very necessary part of the discussion, and no competent therapist should have no difficulty with this. Exploring the boundaries might also be asking about other embarrasing situations the therapist has helped other guys on forces with, like getting beaten by wives. You might also ask some indirect questions about your own situation, using a plausible and acceptable lie to explain your stresses -- I'm thinking along the lines of "...but I can't be seen with lipstick on my cheeks!..." to discuss the boundary between your diapered and undiapered life.... and the feelings that go along with it... the therapist doesn't have to know that you are talking about diapers and not your real-life wife....

It might also be worth thinking up a plausible excuse for being diapered...surely you've ended up in the ER a few times after car incidents on duty, or have had other incidents that could concievably bruise your bladder and cause incontinence...and surely you've had to pee real bad when on surveillance, which could cause you to get a UTI...and your Dr to recommend a pee bottle or a diaper...

As for Disney...that is the most prudish, priggish company I can think of...they use their kind of sex to sell their stuff, but none from you is tolerated even if it is the same kind....so if you are diapered in their park, you need to act like it is for the right reason, a medical problem, and have proper supplies with you. Your wife is right, it might be better to leave that for the hotel and trip, where public appearances aren't such an important factor.

Oh, and don't get your therapists couch wet, that is a definite no-no..

Ninety percent of hiding diapers is not acting like you are wearing them, 10 percent is having a diaper with paper outers so it can't be heard.

[Bettypooh]

"hippa laws prevent any sort of heatlh care worker, be it doctor, dentist, eye doctor, nurse, or therapist, from giving out confidential information"

Laws are meant to prevent transgressions but do not stop them from occurring. If the counselor did let the info slip out it could bring an end to your career in LE As others have already said, there is also the issue of responsibility to whoever is paying the bill. Tort(civil)law varies a lot from place to place, especially in the realm of possible judgements. In California, having a neighbor take a leak on your lawn might get you several thousand bucks for cleanup, reseeding, and maintainance-but here in the deep south filing that suit would get you laughed out of the courtroom with summary rejection plus billing for the court costs Hippa etal falls under tort law, where redress can mean years of waiting and the probability of an inadequate judgement. LE and many other careers have understood but unpublished 'codes of conduct' that affect your job now as well as any future possibilities. How much is a ruined carreer worth, one dollar? A few million? A judgement could be for either one and still leave you with a ruined career. For that reason alone I would go it alone to my own selection of counselor or therapist on the subject of ABDL. You would then have a solid case for expectation of total privacy which might be lacking with their counselor.

Since you must see their counselor, discuss everything else with them. They might help you find something you were unaware of that is causing a lot of your stress In fixing that you might have enough relief to better cope with your ABDL issues. When I was in therapy I never discussed my being a DL. It wasn't so much of an issue at the time and once we got everything else worked out I could deal with this one by myself when it came to the forefront of my emotional life. I learned how to manage other stressful things and applied those methods here. In my own career there are no real job expecatations except job performance and what they see of me there. So long as I don't make an a$$ of myself in a way that adversely affects my company publicly I'm OK. They could(and would)still find a legit reason to fire me if they wanted to, but that's an everyday thing in my business anyway I am not the average guy in that I do no more socializing with my workplace cohorts than I absolutely have to so I can keep my very different private life seperate and peaceful and still keep my job too. LE doesn't give you that option so finding and maintaining a mental and emotional balance for yourself is crucial. Be smart and do that quietly and you will find a peace inside you never thought possible. It's the best money you'll ever spend

Bettypooh

[ranger]

Could part of the problem be part of the solution? It seems to me that your AB/DL side would be a good way to leave macho man at work and be loving husband/baby boy at home. Telling the work counselor is a double edge sword. Tell and risk your employers finding out, don't tell and risk not finding a way to release part of the stress. Stress that could prevent you from keeping your job. If it is 100% confidential, I say go for it. If not, I'd get private help. Good Luck. Just remember, whichever you choose, we've got your back here @ DD. Or, is it padded "Back" side?

[crampindonut]

Thanks for the advice everyone!!!

The session went well and I've received my letter to return to active patrol.

The counselor takes other patients besides those sent by the county and I have already set up an appointment in January to continue seeing her on my own. Today I also paved the way to start talking to her about ab/dl verifying everything I've told her and will tell her is completely confidential. She assured me anything I told her would not get back to the Sheriff's Office unless I sign a release form allowing it.

Again thanks for all the kind advice.

[SoakedinTexas]

I am glad that you got the letter to get back on the road. It is tough gig having to pull jail duty when you would rather be on the road. I hope all is going well for you then. If you do open up to your counseler let me know how it goes and how they deal with it. I had mixed reactions from the ones that saw over the years.

SoakedinIowa

soakediniowa@yahoo.com

[Mean Mommy]

I've talked to her about all kinds of things, but the subject of ab/dl scares me to death. For some reason I've always felt guilty about it and it has caused unnecessary stress before. C'mon, guys out there you know what I mean. Having someone find out instead of being Mr. Macho he prefers to wear diapers in his spare time is a little odd to say the least. Especially feeling that my occupation carries a level authority that my submissive nature is completely seperate from.

Arrgh!

Again I am too slow with an interesting thread! I don't care, I'm posting anyway.

It's interesting that the schism between your tough cop side and your abdl side is giving you so much anxiety. Personally I would think having such a clear distinction between the two would help you be a better cop.

It seems pretty common that when people are given extra authority - either by choice or by fate - they are also given an abnormal amount of stress, and the desire to be weak and helpless - to give in and submit - intensifies. If one has an abnormal amount of power, they will crave submission as a way to attain balance and find peace. I bet you that a majority of congress people have kinky submissive sex lives. I wouldn't be surprised if Michelle topped Obama every night of the week.

Because you have more power, you have more stress, and more fear. Where do these feelings go? How can you deal with them and still perform well as a cop? People struggle to find balance and nurture their psyches, but you have already found a way to work through these feelings and reap the benefits of AB submission. If this calms and soothes you - which I would assume it does - then you can go back to work emotionally stable and better prepared for what your job throws at you.

You aren't a one-dimensional character. When people see you as a cop they don't see all of you, and you have no obligation to be only what they see. Allow yourself to be multi-dimensional. Being a submissive AB doesn't contradict being a macho officer of the law. That's misguided thinking that over-simplifies your psyche. Rather it shows that you are a complex person. Like Heidi said, these sides compliment one another. Yin and Yang. Light and dark. Night and day. Power and submission. Without one you are incomplete, dysfunctional. Only with both can you be strong.

Don't feel guilty. This is how the human psyche works. It is a common profile of a powerful figure.

[ppbenn]

Wow Mean Mommy, interesting post I totally agree with you and Heidi Lynn about the duality of man.

Crampindonut it was not until I found this great site that I came to terms with my own desires and decided that was what makes me... me. I still find time to hit the weights and every time I do another heavy deadlift, I feel macho. However when I lay between my wife's legs to be diapered I realize I am a very lucky MAN!!!