Ab, Dl, Or Somewhere In Between?

[Youngatheart252]

First off I have wanted to be in diapers as long as I can remember. And now that I have a wife who is fully cooperating in my fantasies I have run into a problem. I've tried most of the baby RPing and though it is fun to be fed sometimes I don't like it and often feel ashamed afterword (not my wife's fault). I like to breastfeed, have an adult pacifier but don't use it because of a sever underbite. I still sleep everynight in a diaper and with my stuffed bear but otherwise don't get into the baby aspects of our fetish. I quess my real question is am I alone in falling in this grey area and If not what do others do?

[BabyLex]

This is generally a gray area as labels are hardly all encompassing. While there are those who represent the pinnacle of the two labels there's so much room in between it's hard to find a single word that defines one's own interest. Some of the cute online self-quizzes will tell you your AB purity, DL purity, Furry purity, Sissy purity, among other things. We're a mottled group with a large set of diverse interests most of which revolve around diapers. Diapers really are the only recurrent theme throughout the various communities, and trying to peg yourself into any single label is going to be difficult. Especially since once you do choose a single label, others may not agree with your identification and will further press the issue with their own stipulations for what the various labels mean.

Just do what you enjoy, try not to overanalyze it, and go play and be happy.

Be who you are, and be as good at it as you can. You're not alone :-)

--Lex

[BriGuy]

I believe most of us lie in the gray area more than anything. In order to be an ab some part of you is definitely a DL. Not always visa versa though. In my own meandering experiences I started out enthralled with all things infantile, then moved away from them and was more of a DL. More recently I have found myself more of an AB, but I still and a diaper lover. That's for sure!

~Brian

[crys_138]

It's hard for anyone to describe themselves as "entirely AB" or "entirely DL". Just because you display an AB trait, though, doesn't make you any more an AB or any less a DL... but just because you don't like some "babyish" things doesn't make you any less AB. Me, there's a lot of stereotypical AB things I can't stand, and a few other AB stereotypes I defy on a daily basis.

The fact remains, though... it's all fluid, and only you can tell yourself what you are. It's different for everyone, and that's half the fun.

[Dill_Pickle]

First off I have wanted to be in diapers as long as I can remember. And now that I have a wife who is fully cooperating in my fantasies I have run into a problem. I've tried most of the baby RPing and though it is fun to be fed sometimes I don't like it and often feel ashamed afterword (not my wife's fault). I like to breastfeed, have an adult pacifier but don't use it because of a sever underbite. I still sleep everynight in a diaper and with my stuffed bear but otherwise don't get into the baby aspects of our fetish. I quess my real question is am I alone in falling in this grey area and If not what do others do?

Oh, dear! You won't quite fit the DL label, you like a little TLC from your wife, too! Whatever shall we do about this not quite fitting the D/L or AB label?

How about giggle, and simply call you "You", a human being? That leaves you room to find out what you do and don't like and to be yourself, screw this silly, imprecise language! Oh, and don't forget to enjoy it.

(grins)

[superdiaperbaby]

First off I have wanted to be in diapers as long as I can remember. And now that I have a wife who is fully cooperating in my fantasies I have run into a problem. I've tried most of the baby RPing and though it is fun to be fed sometimes I don't like it and often feel ashamed afterword (not my wife's fault). I like to breastfeed, have an adult pacifier but don't use it because of a sever underbite. I still sleep everynight in a diaper and with my stuffed bear but otherwise don't get into the baby aspects of our fetish. I quess my real question is am I alone in falling in this grey area and If not what do others do?

Let's see. I went from a Kid AB to a Teen DL to an AB and now I am a DL. I am experiencing the DL lifestyle with my wife, but maybe later we might try AB stuff. It's something that can go back and forth. I have seen many "True ABs" turn into DLs pretty quickly. I have found that being an AB is usually good when someone else entertains that side.

SDB

[Three Rivers]

Doesn't really matter what you call it. Just have fun and play, you can mix it all up at any time.

[curiositykilledthecat]

how about just saying your horny...

Don't worry about labels because none of us fit them.

[MysticChild]

I think that there are two issues at the core of your question. The first issue is related to the range of practices that involve diaper play. The answer to that is fairly straight forward, as previous posters have suggested. Few people easily fit into a discrete category like AB or DL or D/s ageplayer. You might want to read the “ABDL’s Still In Diapers

[diaperpt]

First off I have wanted to be in diapers as long as I can remember. And now that I have a wife who is fully cooperating in my fantasies I have run into a problem. I've tried most of the baby RPing and though it is fun to be fed sometimes I don't like it and often feel ashamed afterword (not my wife's fault). I like to breastfeed, have an adult pacifier but don't use it because of a sever underbite. I still sleep everynight in a diaper and with my stuffed bear but otherwise don't get into the baby aspects of our fetish. I quess my real question is am I alone in falling in this grey area and If not what do others do?

I've got to re-read this...let's see...you've got a wife who is fully cooperating in your fantasies...and you've got a problem?????????????????

I agree with the other posts...so you like some things and don't like others...isn't that what being human is? If there is some stuff your wife likes and you don't, can't you bend a little to give her some satisfaction as well? -I actually assume you would do that and perhaps that's where the problem develops.

If she is fully cooperating - and you are trying to keep her desires in mind as well - isn't it simply a matter of talking out what the two of you do and don't want to do? I would think you'd be one of the happiest men on earth! Relax and enjoy it! If the two of you really want to make each other happy, you will certainly work out the rough spots you seem to be experiencing...

Good luck in this relationship and realize how many of us you've made very, very jealous!!!!

[Youngatheart252]

First of all thanx to everyone who has given their imput, it's truly appreciated. I realize that none of us really fall under one classification or the other and I guess what I was attempting to do was kinda find a roadmap of sorts. To say that you like diapers but not being babied but you like stuffed animals...........I allways feel a little confused and there's been many a time that I've gotten a childish thought in my head only to realize I got no real enjoyment out of it (coloring, sippy cups, Disney channel, to name a few). I'm just tired of being disappointed, I keep reaching for the childhood I never had only to feel uncomfortable.

Sorry for the rant, sometimes I don't know how to just get to the point.

P.S. Yes my wife is awesome, She thinks she's lucky to have me!!(I think I got the better deal )

[Necare]

I agree, stop thinking about labels. Allthough I`m an AB, there is aspects of it that do attract me, and aspects that don`t. I like being nurtured, sucking on a paci or breast, I like wearing diapers and an onesie, I like being given a bath. On the other hand, I`m not particularly attracted to toys or cartoons. We all have our likes and dislikes, focus on what gives you and your wife satisfaction, and discuss it with her. Screw the labels. That being said, your problems are essentially quite minor, having in mind that you are one of the lucky few who have a wife more than understanding of this fetish/lifestyle. You are already living the dream, any issues of an infantilistic nature appearing after the fact, are almost inconveniencies! Cheers, and good luck!

[BitterGrey]

I guess my real question is am I alone in falling in this grey area and If not what do others do?

You aren't alone. In a recent survey, 63% of us were somewhere in between AB and DL. Just 30% reported being either only AB or only DL. (The remaining 7% were non-ABDLs or selected 'other.')

As already written, don't worry about labels. The AB/DL labeling is simple, but doesn't describe us as well as more complicated systems.

I guess what I was attempting to do was kinda find a roadmap of sorts.

The one I keep coming back to is a triangle. The themes of babyhood, sexuality, and control would be corners. Any impulse, fantasy, or scene would then be somewhere on the surface of the triangle. Duncan offers a slightly different triangle.

I posted a story about how I came to engage in diaper play on the “ABDL’s Still In Diapers” thread that you may find helpful in addressing this issue. I wear diapers as part of Tantric meditation on the mother/child principle.

Here's a link to there. It is an interesting history, and a good case-in-point that while none of us are alone, it will be difficult for any system of description to cover us all without being vague or complicated.

[MysticChild]

...........I allways feel a little confused and there's been many a time that I've gotten a childish thought in my head only to realize I got no real enjoyment out of it (coloring, sippy cups, Disney channel, to name a few). I'm just tired of being disappointed, I keep reaching for the childhood I never had only to feel uncomfortable.

Youngatheart252,

I think the observation you made a few posts ago is a key to addressing the issue (at least one of the issuess) you seem to be struggling with. Consider the following passage from Chapter 17 (p 163- 174) of Jaqueline Lapa Sussman’s Images of Desire (New York, Tom Doherty Assoc., LLC. 2001).

Infantilizing

The deepest and most natural sensuality between men and women includes playfulness with an open, childlike innocence between them. It is the meeting point for both where the flow of nature can unfold between them. They both must go to a deeper side of themselves to allow the sexual merging of body, mind and soul to unfold.

Wise men know that to attain sexual ecstasy they need to surrender their ego to the woman and allow her to infantilize them. It is pleasurable for both of them.

Wise women who are in touch with their feminine strength know how to lead men to surrender. Infantilization is an emotion found in most women. It is the desire to reduce her man to childlike states in order for him to soften, experience his tenderness, surrender his hard edge and become one with her. She knows how to deal with men who are more rigid and fixed. She knows that it is not only more difficult for him, due to how he was socialized, but also that it is his desire to surrender to her so that they both can enter an open, playful, and sensual sharing with each other for the joy of communion and in preparation for lovemaking. It is not about manipulation for control on the woman’s part but rather to help men dissolve so that they meet and become one.

When a man is sexual with a woman, there is usually a phase where he is reduced to being like a baby. For example, when a woman is stroking a man and kissing him, loving him, it’s almost like she’s talking to a child. She’s leading him to a child like state so that he softens and surrenders so lovemaking can begin. Childlike states are open, receptive sweet, with no defensive barriers in place.

As a man begins to be led towards surrender, very often he has an initial resistance to it. He’s in another state of mind, with problems at work and other worries he has to deal with, and now he is asked to become open and child like. So a little resistance occurs. But once he lets go and allows himself to be open he truly begins to enjoy it. In fact, a lot of men long for that connection with women…

The need (desire) to surrender your ego to “Infantilization

[lynniehyde]

Youngatheart252,

I think the observation you made a few posts ago is a key to addressing the issue (at least one of the issuess) you seem to be struggling with. Consider the following passage from Chapter 17 (p 163- 174) of Jaqueline Lapa Sussman’s Images of Desire (New York, Tom Doherty Assoc., LLC. 2001).

Infantilizing

The deepest and most natural sensuality between men and women includes playfulness with an open, childlike innocence between them. It is the meeting point for both where the flow of nature can unfold between them. They both must go to a deeper side of themselves to allow the sexual merging of body, mind and soul to unfold.

Wise men know that to attain sexual ecstasy they need to surrender their ego to the woman and allow her to infantilize them. It is pleasurable for both of them.

Wise women who are in touch with their feminine strength know how to lead men to surrender. Infantilization is an emotion found in most women. It is the desire to reduce her man to childlike states in order for him to soften, experience his tenderness, surrender his hard edge and become one with her. She knows how to deal with men who are more rigid and fixed. She knows that it is not only more difficult for him, due to how he was socialized, but also that it is his desire to surrender to her so that they both can enter an open, playful, and sensual sharing with each other for the joy of communion and in preparation for lovemaking. It is not about manipulation for control on the woman’s part but rather to help men dissolve so that they meet and become one.

When a man is sexual with a woman, there is usually a phase where he is reduced to being like a baby. For example, when a woman is stroking a man and kissing him, loving him, it’s almost like she’s talking to a child. She’s leading him to a child like state so that he softens and surrenders so lovemaking can begin. Childlike states are open, receptive sweet, with no defensive barriers in place.

As a man begins to be led towards surrender, very often he has an initial resistance to it. He’s in another state of mind, with problems at work and other worries he has to deal with, and now he is asked to become open and child like. So a little resistance occurs. But once he lets go and allows himself to be open he truly begins to enjoy it. In fact, a lot of men long for that connection with women…

The need (desire) to surrender your ego to “Infantilization