Can Anyone Relate To This?

[TBlazer]

First off, just wanted to say this is an amazing board. Having remembered the days of DPF when I was a teen and just finding out their were others like me, this place is like heaven sent. Too many crazies in those days.

That said, Ive reached a point in my life where Im not sure where to go with this stuff. But first, some lengthy background history to explain my situation.

Since as early as I can remember (going back to when I was 2 1/2 yrs old) I always enjoyed diapers. I never knew why, and until I was old enough to realize not everyone was like me Id always play baby games with friends. My parents eventually caught me with some improvised diaper of mine on several occasions between ages of 7 and 10, and my dad would give me a talk "man to man" about how sometimes we needed to just not do things, even if we wanted to (pretty dumb response to my strangeness, but can't blame him for not knowing what to say). Needless to say I didnt just suddenly change, and my desires continued.

Eventually when I was 16 my parents found a bunch of my diapers and decided I needed to go to a psychologist. Before going, however, my mom decided to throw a huge fit at me, asking such questions as whether or not I had ever molested these two boys I had been babysitting and questions along those lines. She then said she wanted me to see a psychologist so I didnt grow into some weird pervert, saying that she didnt want my future assumed wife to be worried about remembering my baby blanket.

As Im sure you can imagine, I never felt more alienated from my parents. I answered all their questions and told them I didnt need to see any psychologist, because I am what I am and thats that. They forced me to go anyways, and never once talked to me personally about these things, relegating that to the well payed psychologist. He happened to know nothing about this sorta stuff, apparently needing to do his own research (he told me this). What a bunch of bull shit. This guy asked me questions that I didnt think even existed, and I answered them with short, honest answers, never feeling so uncomfortable in my life before then, and since then. I went to this guy once a week for about 6 months, every time trying to convince him, and my parents, that I didnt need to be put through this purgatory.

During this time I discovered pot and pushed my parents as far from me as I possibly could. I was a pot head through the rest of high school and college. I took the 5 year plan for a 4 year degree, and only earning a B.A. at that. All through my first 3 years of college I avoided talking to my parents as much as possible, with it ending in them calling the cops, the school security, and even my place of work to try and get hold of me. I just didnt want to talk to them. It took me a while to realize why, and eventually told them in full about how they made me feel like shit. While they didnt exactly admit guiltiness, we did compromise and now things are better.

Im a recent graduate, dont feel the need to get stoned everyday (special occasions are exceptions, of course) and have a full time job in my field (ceramics), and am damn proud of the work Ive done to get here.

If youre still awake after reading all of this (thanks by the way) this is my point.

During school I had several close relationships with girls. All ended sour, with them saying I wasn't close enough to them, as if I was hiding something (damn them for being so sensitive). Ive since enjoyed "friends with benefits" relationships, which are great sex wise, but quite hollow as far as emotional fulfillment goes. Now that Im "in the real world" and not resorting to drugs an booze for calming my nerves, I think Im ready for another relationship, whenever it comes along.

But this damn AB/diapers thing just keeps me from truly sharing a relationship. Its not going away and I dont plan on keeping it in the closet the rest of my life, but the feeling of rejection my parents left me with has me scared. I dont want to tell anyone these things for fear of how they'll respond. There's girls I want to be with and I think they might feel the same about me, but with the fear of them not only rejecting me but worse, telling my friends ( I know they wouldn't do that but the fear is too strong to brush it off), I just cant even make the first step of starting a relationship.

Im sure some others here were in, or am currently in, my shoes. They're quite the pair of footwear to have on. If God plays jokes, this is by far his cruelest. I love what I am if only because I know when I find the right person to share it with (hopefully they'll be an AB as well) I'll be happier then I've been my whole life. I also hate what I am because of the steps Im going to need to make before I get there.

Ive been through some shit and seen worse, but my whole parents-scarring-me-emotionally thing is holding me back, out of fear of getting a similar reaction from someone close to me.

I dont know what to do, and any words of advice, or even just similar stories to show me their is a way, would be greatly received.

Thanks all for reading this mess, and thanks for creating this amazing site

-TBlazer

[tris]

I'm sorry you had such a terrible psych experience. My single mother also relegated (as you put it) the talking to the well-paid man who had no clue about anything I had to say, other than that if I could come to accept it, I would be just fine. In a later session, he backpedaled quite a bit, much to my dismay.

My suggestion to you, since you're first starting out, is to come to accept yourself as much as possible. Learn as much as you can about YOU and what YOU like, what YOU want, and what YOU want --not just from being an AB, but as a person. It sounds like you're already well on your way to knowing what you need to know, now you just need to experiment. My therapist thanked me for smoking so much pot, as it helped me to find the right words to explain exactly what was in my mind, and my suggestion to you, is that you do the same. If you find that smoking a bowl is a catalyst to the introspection that you seek, light it up! I know I definitely wouldn't be where I am today without it. Anyway, learn about YOU, get your look going --SHAVE!, (forget 'game'), and the girls will come to you.

Decide how you'll go about telling them --it's not as stressful as you think-- If you're comfortable with being you, it'll show, and they'll probably take it cool. Avoid bagladys (D&G, D&B, LV obsossors) and find REAL chicks that are worth your time. Maybe find the girls you liked in college?

So get stoned, get diapered, and get in touch with your inner child!

And if you need any more personal conversation, feel free to pm me.

[sarah_ab]

Heya, welcome to the site, not sure if you're new or not but this is the first time i've seen u post, so if its a lte welcome i apologize.

As for the whole 'parents scarringyou emotionally' thing, its not uncommon and you will find loads of people who have had similiar stories or have similiar feelings towards their parents for whatever reason. I did for a while, then i sorta realized, whats the point in dwelling on what did or did not happen when i was a minor and had no control, only thing i can do about it, is not let it effect who i am and what i want to do in life. So sure, it sucked what happened, big time.. but you totally have the power to make the choice not to let it effect you..

To the five year plan to get ur undergrad, honestly, thats probably the norm now a days, unfortunately i'm on more like the 8 year plan!

As for finding a girl and telling her about your diapers, i can't give any exact advice on what to say or how to go about it, but you could always try putting an ad or two up on some diaper personal sites, like diapermates.com, maybe a diaperspace.com account or alt.com... i mean dont give upi meeting people in real life as well, but by posting on one of those sites, then you never really have to have the awkward "i like diapers" conversation, because its already a moot point, and you can spend all oryour energies on getting to know the other person. Its just a thought, but whats the worst that can happen. Just know you will get a lot of stupid emails from horny guys who dont bother reading your profile, just delete em and dont let it get to you.

It worked for me, i found my daddy/boyfriend in diapermates and we've been together for two years now, and have loads in common aside from just diapers.

[Baby Bethany]

First and foremost there is no easy way to tell a girl you like diapers, I wish there was but there isn't. I've only ever told two gf's about this. The first freaked out and wouldn't listen. She thought I was a perv, and closed her ears when I tried to explain. The second (my wife) said it's no big deal. She didn't really know anything about it, although she had heard of it. But she was willing to learn about it and now enjoys it too.

To be blunt you only really have three options.

The first is you try and find a girl who is already into this. This sounds okay, but I would never have done it this way. The reason is that finding a decent girl is hard enough for us guys already, without restricting yourself to a small minority of girls that like diapers. To me it's a bit like saying I want to meet a girl that's Italian, with black hair, green eyes, likes sport, and is the same star sign as me........it's not impossible you may find her, but boy you are narrowing the field.

The second option is that you find a girl you like and then tell her (tactfully) that you enjoy role playing, that's not uncommon, most couples do. You then explain that you want to play at being a baby. A word of warning here, don't start by going into long winded explanations about the reasons why. I say this because if you seem relaxed and comfortable with it, she probably will too. So you like diapers, it's no big deal. Some guys like stockings, some like nurses uniforms, it's cool. If however you base it along the lines that "yes, I know it's weird, but I can't help it.......you know, it's from when I was growing up blah, blah, blah" then she will probably think "oh my god, he has issues". I'm not saying lie, but it took me and my wife many weeks of talking about it before she really understood why I like this.......don't go too far too quickly is all I'm saying. I think you know what I mean.

The third option is that you either stay alone all your life, or you live a lie and keep hiding diapers. Trust me, I did that hiding diapers thing, first from my parents and then from successive GF's, and then from my wife.......It's soul destroying. I always felt like those gay men and women that years ago would get married and have kids because they were terrified of people finding out they were gay. In the end I decided that I would rather be alone than live a lie for the rest of my life. So I chose option two, and I have a 50% success rate with it. But looking back, it would have been worth ten refusals to find one girl that accepts it and me.

Good luck whatever you decide

Beth

[enfant]

When it comes to meeting partners, what you want is to find someone who's (in Dan Savage's terminology) "GGG"--good, giving, and game. Not judgmental, willing to try anything. Someone who's sex-positive and can find the fun in your games. Then it doesn't matter if she's an AB or a mommy or whatever; she's on your team, likes you for you, and will enjoy your enjoyment. Of course you also have to be GGG for her--asking her to accept and enjoy your infantilism and then freaking out about something she likes is uncool--but I hope that goes without saying.

One thing I'd suggest that hasn't come up before is find a BDSM group in your area, if there is one, and go to their events. The people you meet mostly won't be into ageplay, but a lot of them will be GGG. A good friend of mine met his wife that way.

[sarah_ab]

ohh i love that u quoted dan savage. I read his column all the time

[diapered1964]

I know this will not work for everyone out there but heres what I did back in the day when I was playing the field looking for Mrs right.

On each and every date I ever went on I alwasy went diapered, and when the heavy petting part of the date took place I made sure that my diaper was wet, not soaking wet, just wet enough to tell I had wet it.

I got slapped in the face many a times with a wet hand, got plenty of gross, disgusting, and what the hell? comments.

Even got a few what ever rock your boat- just not my kind of kink comments also.

But with presistance I eventually found Mrs Right and we have been happily married for the past 23 years.

She was not turned off by the diapers, yet was not turned on by them either. She did not care that I was wearing a diaper nor did she care that I had wet the diaper. She only cared about me and said the diaper thing can be worked around as needed.

It was on our second diapered date (I was diapered & she was not) after she found out I wore diapers that she asked me why I wore them, so I told her that I needed to wear a diaper to keep from wetting my pants. ( which is partly the truth)( my pants would indeed get wet if I was not wearing a diaper when I wet myself)

On our 3rd date she asked me how long I had been wearing diapers I said since the age of 5. ( thats when my desire to wear diapers kicked in)

By the time we had our 4th date with me in diapers she asked if I went shit in them also, I said no I dont, why? do you want me to go shit in the diaper?

Her reply was No! of coarse not.

Than was many a wet & messy diapers ago.

[Mean Mommy]

So get stoned, get diapered, and get in touch with your inner child!

Aiya.. I disagree with you on this one.

Don't get me wrong, I love pot, got some good bud with me right now matter of fact, but I strongly suggest that you don't use drugs to work out psychological problems. Some people can handle it without going overboard; lucky them. But I say stay safe and assume you can't use drugs to help you work through your demons lest it becomes a crutch.

Also, talking to a psych while high would make me so friggin' paranoid. I don't know how you did it, Tris.

[TBlazer]

Hey thanks guys for the responses-very useful. Ive thought about life a lot over the last week, even wrote a song about it (gotta love the guitar for self-therapy)

I feel like the best way to go about my problems is to just start dating as much as I can and make the plunge-eventually Ill have to tell someone and thats just fine. I think for now Ill keep it out of any current circle of friends I have-though I know this is a risk that'll come up eventually. Oh well. Life could be worse.

I think enfant and babybethany's responses are true to how Ive felt about the whole issue the last week. I thought a lot about a girlfriend I had who was total GGG-she was also slightly crazy, which is why I never told her about my love of diapers. I mean, she freaked when I didnt call her for three days AFTER we broke up, and we haven't talked since the night she stormed into my house and let it loose at me (3 years ago). I can only imagine what she would've thrown into the mix knowing I liked to wear diapers, and can only imagine what my roomates would've thought. Good riddens.

Sarah AB-I wish life was as easy finding someone online. However, you telling me to keep searching on diapermates is like a woman telling me how easy it is to date men at her engineering school. You gotta keep in mind the ratio is in favor of women like ten to one. So, though maybe Ill get an account up and running again, considering the competition and lack of responses to even a simple "hey whatsup to my fellow art folks," Im not sure it'll pan out.

Oh well, I like real life better for dating anyways.

As for drugs? Well, I love pot and will never totally give it up-the problem is it makes me introverted! Im much less social stoned, so while it is good for some occasions (like right now heh) Im trying my best to avoid using it as a crutch for loneliness.

Peace an happiness to all, stay padded.

[Schala]

If God plays jokes, this is by far his cruelest.

There are rather cruel jokes that are harder than 'can't find a date'. Try 'can't find a date' because of no libido. Or 'can't find a date' because you have a penis as a girl.

And I like diapers, too. It's just more acceptable for a girl (due to rarity), but that's totally offset by having male genitals, however temporary that is for (it's not offset by my looks though, I'm seen as just any girl, thank you testosterone resistance).

[TBlazer]

This is true! Damn, you put me in my place real fast. Life could be much worse for me! Which is why Im happy overall. When my biggest problem is I cant find a diaper loving date in the middle of no where, life is good.

Hope it doesnt get too cold in Quebec, at least footed sleepers are still around for adults. Enjoy the city life.

Peace

[turtlepins]

Thanks for sharing so honestly. Parents can hurt children, but parents who don't say "I'm sorry" hurt the worst of all. That being said . . .! Don't despair. The right girl will love you as you are. I love the way Dr. Seuss put it: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind!" It was nice to see all the positive and encouraging advice. I've been asking this question often: "Why is it that a baby in diapers is cute and an adult in diapers is defective?" Not to put too fine a point on it, but who cares what kind of underwear you have on? Good luck.

[nitrous]

Hey if you find a girl you really lie or a friend you feel you can trust show them this and maybe it will help them understand your diaper loving situation and may help you understand yourself

http://www.toddlertime.com/dx/regression/advanced-baby.htm

Good luck

[superdiaperbaby]

How I ended up meeting Mrs.right was a process of growing up just a little. First, I had to experience the full AB lifestyle, up to 24/7 and then one day I said,"I have reached my goal of being a baby. This is it." Then I decided to slowly decline the AB lifestyle to becoming a DL, because I knew that acting like a baby was secondary to the actual feeling of wearing diapers. Once I became a DL instead of an AB it was easier to find a girlfriend. For some reason explaining wanting to wear a diaper is easier than explaining why I wear diapers, baby clothes and talk like a baby. Also, I am still an AB at heart I just didn't practice enough. The act of caring for another person is important before you getting cared for. I think alot of people expect a girlfriend to meet their needs instead of thinking about meeting a girlfriends needs first. Why limit yourself to the internet. There are TONS of single girls out there. In today's day and age there are many guys who are demasculated and don't ask them out and everyone is lonely. If you make diapers a big issue it will become a big issue. If you live your life like your pleasure is controlling you you won't be able to hold down a girl once you get one, and that goes for drug use to. Become self-empowered. Understand your past is your past and you control your future.

SDB

[BitterGrey]

The above post includes one of three links to the same article that one user posted to DD within a 12-hour period. I had hoped to get all three resolved at one time and place, but that apparently hasn't happened. That user might have been well-meaning, but unaware of what else was on that website. Since the above endorsement and link are still here, the following information also needs to be here: That website claims to offer the full name, home address, and social security number of a doctor, merely because the doctor didn't agree with that website's author. Please do not endorse the author or her website unless you support such behavior.

It may seem hard to believe that an AB/DL is doing such things, but it is easily checked. An entire website can be searched for social security numbers by googgling for....

site:<the URL>.com SS#

And yes, I'm on that list too. I disagreed. In 2006, that website's author attempted to remove all references to AB/DLs from Wikipedia's paraphilic infantilism article. This was part of an attempt to redefine infantilism, away from the common and accepted definition, to her definition. At her request, a number of Wikipedia's administrators became involved. They supported my attempts to find a well-documented middle ground. My gesture of good faith was probably taken as a sign of weakness. In the end, she didn't get her way and I was added to her list of evil people.

By the way, the information about me on her page is incorrect. Not having my information is one of few exceptions to the Statute of Limitations. If she showed that she had my correct information, she would have to either sue me or eventually stop threatening to sue me. She did sue one other doctor whom she disagreed with, after accusing him of rape. Rapists, as you know, are prosecuted as criminals, not sued as civilians. He was sued because the accusation of rape was false. Based on the multitude of accusations she has made against me, the doctors, and a list of others, I'd recommend seeking supporting evidence before accepting anything that author claims.

Unless you support this kind of behavior, please do not advocate that author or her website. Please do not place working links to any website that you do not wish to support. Search engines count all links as votes.

[lynniehyde]

First off, just wanted to say this is an amazing board. Having remembered the days of DPF when I was a teen and just finding out their were others like me, this place is like heaven sent. Too many crazies in those days.

That said, Ive reached a point in my life where Im not sure where to go with this stuff. But first, some lengthy background history to explain my situation.

Since as early as I can remember (going back to when I was 2 1/2 yrs old) I always enjoyed diapers. I never knew why, and until I was old enough to realize not everyone was like me Id always play baby games with friends. My parents eventually caught me with some improvised diaper of mine on several occasions between ages of 7 and 10, and my dad would give me a talk "man to man" about how sometimes we needed to just not do things, even if we wanted to (pretty dumb response to my strangeness, but can't blame him for not knowing what to say). Needless to say I didnt just suddenly change, and my desires continued.

Eventually when I was 16 my parents found a bunch of my diapers and decided I needed to go to a psychologist. Before going, however, my mom decided to throw a huge fit at me, asking such questions as whether or not I had ever molested these two boys I had been babysitting and questions along those lines. She then said she wanted me to see a psychologist so I didnt grow into some weird pervert, saying that she didnt want my future assumed wife to be worried about remembering my baby blanket.

As Im sure you can imagine, I never felt more alienated from my parents. I answered all their questions and told them I didnt need to see any psychologist, because I am what I am and thats that. They forced me to go anyways, and never once talked to me personally about these things, relegating that to the well payed psychologist. He happened to know nothing about this sorta stuff, apparently needing to do his own research (he told me this). What a bunch of bull shit. This guy asked me questions that I didnt think even existed, and I answered them with short, honest answers, never feeling so uncomfortable in my life before then, and since then. I went to this guy once a week for about 6 months, every time trying to convince him, and my parents, that I didnt need to be put through this purgatory.

During this time I discovered pot and pushed my parents as far from me as I possibly could. I was a pot head through the rest of high school and college. I took the 5 year plan for a 4 year degree, and only earning a B.A. at that. All through my first 3 years of college I avoided talking to my parents as much as possible, with it ending in them calling the cops, the school security, and even my place of work to try and get hold of me. I just didnt want to talk to them. It took me a while to realize why, and eventually told them in full about how they made me feel like shit. While they didnt exactly admit guiltiness, we did compromise and now things are better.

Im a recent graduate, dont feel the need to get stoned everyday (special occasions are exceptions, of course) and have a full time job in my field (ceramics), and am damn proud of the work Ive done to get here.

If youre still awake after reading all of this (thanks by the way) this is my point.

During school I had several close relationships with girls. All ended sour, with them saying I wasn't close enough to them, as if I was hiding something (damn them for being so sensitive). Ive since enjoyed "friends with benefits" relationships, which are great sex wise, but quite hollow as far as emotional fulfillment goes. Now that Im "in the real world" and not resorting to drugs an booze for calming my nerves, I think Im ready for another relationship, whenever it comes along.

But this damn AB/diapers thing just keeps me from truly sharing a relationship. Its not going away and I dont plan on keeping it in the closet the rest of my life, but the feeling of rejection my parents left me with has me scared. I dont want to tell anyone these things for fear of how they'll respond. There's girls I want to be with and I think they might feel the same about me, but with the fear of them not only rejecting me but worse, telling my friends ( I know they wouldn't do that but the fear is too strong to brush it off), I just cant even make the first step of starting a relationship.

Im sure some others here were in, or am currently in, my shoes. They're quite the pair of footwear to have on. If God plays jokes, this is by far his cruelest. I love what I am if only because I know when I find the right person to share it with (hopefully they'll be an AB as well) I'll be happier then I've been my whole life. I also hate what I am because of the steps Im going to need to make before I get there.

Ive been through some shit and seen worse, but my whole parents-scarring-me-emotionally thing is holding me back, out of fear of getting a similar reaction from someone close to me.

I dont know what to do, and any words of advice, or even just similar stories to show me their is a way, would be greatly received.

Thanks all for reading this mess, and thanks for creating this amazing site

-TBlazer

Why does your story seem so familiar to me? It's deja-vu all over again. God doth have a sense of humor. And as far as your interest in AB/DL is concerned, I suggest you try and develop one too. You'd be surprised at the reaction you'll get. I know it's a big step, a leap of faith if you will, to disclose your feelings to others. But, it's a great way to separate the wheat from the chaff. As someone quoted Dr. Seuss in an earlier post: "Those who mind don't matter. Those who matter, don't mind." If you stick to your guns and show no shame about who and what you are, the ones who truly love you for you, will stand by you. Your parents may feel some shame and guilt, thinking they have failed you in some respects. Maybe they have, maybe they haven't. That should be no concern of yours, at this point in your life. UBU.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

[curiositykilledthecat]

ahh, giant walls of text making my eyes hurt, lol. Bro, first off, screw your parents. Secondly, forgive them, if you don't then you will never move on in life, trust me on that one,I've learned from experience. You need to find what makes you, you. I know it is cliched but before one can better themselves they must first discover who they are and why they are that way. Accept the things you cannot change about yourself and have the courage to change the things tyou cannot accept. Never beat yourself up over things in life, it is not productive. Be patient with finding the right woman, it sounds like that is the last thing you need emotionally right now. You need to confront bigger issues right now. I don't suggest cramming the ab/fdl fetish down your potential mates throat but develop a relationship slowly and in time introduce that side to her.(easier said than done but I digress). If you learn to let go of your arents screw up then you can move on as a person emptionally and physically. This is even if your mom refuses to move on, your happiness is not dependent on hers. Remember, the good Lord said to forgive one another, He never said you had to associate with them. Do what is best for you.

[onsie]

T Blazer. You sound a lot like me, I have been a DL from my earliest memories. You sound smart so remember this, not many exs would keep your secret a secret. I never told any of my girlfriends because I liked to date. That kind of info would have scared off a lot of my best memories. I told my wife after proposing but before we wed, incase she didn't want any part of it. Told her all about it...., but she loved me and accepted it as a part of me. going on 25 yrs now...time flies. Things will work out for you. Sincerly 1Z