Told My Mom! Not Good!

[Pipsqueak]

While I think the "rules" are a bit overkill, if you're happy with the way the situation is working out then that's a good thing. I hope your Dad will start coming around soon, too. Thankfully the shrink is helping your mom to see that wearing diapers is a form of stress relief for you and not some sick perversion.

[dldad]

Many adults who have not seriously thought about the needs, wants, or desires of a DL will most likely think of it as sexually peversive. Once a councelor finds out what the individual wants out of the actions of being a DL or even AB, I think in only some extreme situations would the councelor think it would be peversive or cause any sort of harm. Yet, we need to remember there are many councelors who will have varying thought on any subject, just as us members show among ourselves. And in some cases their religious background might influence their thoughts. Having been caught in such a position would be scary and most would have a tough time trying to tell their parent what was going on so as not to seem like some sort of pervert. And their initial response would most likely be severe. Hope the parent can give serious consideration and thought about the incident and their response. There are many things to take into consideration when reviewing this sort of situation. Hopefully all will work out to everyone's satisfaction.

[Viczindahowz]

1st you don't have to do ANYTHING ANYONE TELLS YOU TO!! Make up your own mind! I told my Dad back when I was 17, had no choice, knew I wanted to wear diapers all my life. Who could I talk to about it? The was no internet, and all I felt was that I was a freak, and I couldn't stand feeling like that anymore. Well I would have been better off feeling that way. Grew up in the dysfunctional family from hell, abuse etc. Old Man says"you gotta go see a shrink!", so I see the shrink, his great advice to a 17 year old kid?"Do more drugs!".Frustrated with the impossible living conditions at home, and with the sessions with the shrink, where everytime I came home from them my Mom would pull me into another room and ask "What'd you say about us? What did you tell him?". And then she'd go into the total denial role, messing with my head even worse. I felt I couldn't stand one more day of it, so I swallowed four bottles of downers, muscle relaxers, and sundry other drugs I had. I was actually dissapointed when I woke up to find out that they had found me in time(barely)and managed to save my life. This dissapointment was made worse by the news that they'd had me commited to the state hospital. Well I had to go, played the game, and was out in three months. I moved out of that hell hole the day I got back, stayed with a friend for a couple of months. Then I got my own place, I made a living doing the street thing, sellin dope, carrying a gun on me all the time. It wasn't a good life, but it was better than what I'd left behind. Livin the life gets to be an adrenelin rush, always on the edge, always having to look over your shoulder, but I got smart.I joined the army, cleaned up my act. All I can say is it's your life, YOU live it, make your own choices. It's all you!

[ramuh787]

well Im gald to hear things are starting to go better for you stillneedscontrol.

Again dont abandon your family over something like this just find a good balance in your life and stick with it.

and no porn or masturbation? oh man that would be a really hard one for me.

[StillNeedCntrl]

While I think the "rules" are a bit overkill, if you're happy with the way the situation is working out then that's a good thing. I hope your Dad will start coming around soon, too. Thankfully the shrink is helping your mom to see that wearing diapers is a form of stress relief for you and not some sick perversion.

The rules are dumb but they think I need to prove I can go without sexual sin for a while. At least until I convince them I'm not gay or screwing around all over the place. I can live with that for now. Dad is still not really talking to me much but he did give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be okay tonight. I think he is just not comfortable with hearing about my sex habits and diaper wearing so he is waiting for the whole thing to work itself out.

[drynot]

I think most parents are trying to do the best job they can with their kids. We all know that there are some families out there that would be hell to live in, but I am of the firm belief that parents TRY to have their children's best interests in mind when dolling out punishment or attempting to guide a child in daily life. As children age, parents have the difficult task of letting go of their child and allowing them to experience life for themselves. Parents still step in from time to time to attempt to set a child on the percieved 'correct' path if they see or hear that the child is deviating from the 'norms' of society. I have no doubts that StillNeedCntrl's parents are trying to do just that. I mean, really, he is still just a KID. Sure, the law might say you can drive and drink and do all that other 'cool' stuff that adults do, but 18 years old is still young enough to be disciplined in my book.

Undoubtedly, your parents are seeing your diaper fetish as a deviation from normal life and are attempting to protect you from society. While you are an 'adult' in the law's eyes (differs by country, of course) you are still their little boy. You will always be their little boy. Nothing you do or ever accomplish will change that fact. Being attracted to something as childish as diapers simply drives that point home with your parents. To your parents (and most people I might add) wearing diapers is not normal. Obviously if you are not normal, they will do everything they can do to correct that. I am sure their reactions would be similar if you told them that you were gay or a druggie.

Just remember this when you are dealing with your folks. Wearing diapers, without a medical excuses, at any age past 2 or 3 is NOT normal TO THEM. You will never convince them otherwise.

We, here, know different. We all know that wearing a diaper or acting the baby is perfectly harmless. Wearing a diaper or a baby dress doesn't define who you are, it is merely a part OF you. You are still a guy under that diaper. You will still be their child wearing a baby bonnet or not. Certainly circumstances dictate how and where you can act out you desires and if your parents want you to curb it until you move out, then you might have to comply. These people are YOUR PARENTS. These are the same people who fed you, changed you, nurtured you when you couldn't do those things for yourself so they deserve a certain amount of respect. The LEAST you can do is to listen to what they have to say and really consider their concerns about the subject.

My .02

[StillNeedCntrl]

Thanks drynot! I do understand what you said and am trying my best to respect what my parents want for me!

Mom and me had a long talk about the diapers this morning. Mainly because I only have a few left and she wanted to know where we had to go to get more. Mostly I have been talking to the christian counselor lady and not to mom so it was time to talk to her too. I told her the truth that diapers arent sexual to me at all I just like them more than regular underwear and I feel better when I am wearing them. She seemed to understand it.

She also finally just asked me if I was gay. I explained that I don't want to have sex with men and that all I was looking for was someone to make me feel like I did when I was little. Just someone to tuck me in or hold me. She said she could understand that too but that I shouldn't trust guys to not want more than that from me and should just be with women my age who can show me real love.

Mom wants me to keep going to therapy daily for a while and then maybe we can cut it back to once a week. But things are getting a lot better since we started talking more. My appointment is in an hour and after that we are going to get me some more diapers.

[Pipsqueak]

Drynot is right that most parents really are trying to do the best they can. As my mother says, "you never stop being a parent". They want things to go well for you. They don't want to see you unhappy or ostracized from society.

I'm glad to hear you're talking about it with her. If all she knew was that you liked to wear diapers and be babied, she could be thinking all sorts of scenarios that are completely wrong. While she may have some very over-the-top Christian leanings, the fact that she is actually going to go with you to get diapers is amazing. That says to me that this woman loves you very much and is trying her hardest to understand this and be supportive of you. And while your father is having trouble finding something to say, his hug says a lot about how he feels about you too.

Kudos to you, Still, for having the courage to have a discussion with your mother about it. A lot of people would have refused to explain because of their own embarrassment at being caught out, and that refusal would have left all those wrong assumptions about why they wear diapers still swirling around in their parents' heads.

[StillNeedCntrl]

I'm glad to hear you're talking about it with her. If all she knew was that you liked to wear diapers and be babied, she could be thinking all sorts of scenarios that are completely wrong. While she may have some very over-the-top Christian leanings, the fact that she is actually going to go with you to get diapers is amazing. That says to me that this woman loves you very much and is trying her hardest to understand this and be supportive of you. And while your father is having trouble finding something to say, his hug says a lot about how he feels about you too.

I figured it was time for the whole truth as what she was guessing was worse than what the situation really was. I know my dad cares too even if he can't show it much. He must be paying a lot for the therapist and most of my friends dads would have just thrown them out.

Getting diapers with my mom was really embarasing but I got some small attends that fit and feel better than the store brand diapers I was buying.

Therapy went okay too. Mainly talked about what I would like in a girlfriend and wife.

[Guest Guest]

She also finally just asked me if I was gay. I explained that I don't want to have sex with men and that all I was looking for was someone to make me feel like I did when I was little. Just someone to tuck me in or hold me. She said she could understand that too but that I shouldn't trust guys to not want more than that from me and should just be with women my age who can show me real love

Revolting. As a Daddy I can tell you flat out, I have consensual sexual relations with less than 20% of the guys I baby(and not at all with the other 80). And as far as men not being able to show other men real love, I'm afraid that's just church propoganda

[Daphne Sissy]

I'm confused, why did you tell her?

[StillNeedCntrl]

I'm confused, why did you tell her?

She found one of my diapers and confronted me about it. Told me it wasn't the first time she had found them. I had to tell her but things are getting better now!

[StillNeedCntrl]

Had a long talk with my dad this morning. He admitted to being umcomfortable around me right now and apologized for that. He said that since I feel like I need control and since Mom insists that he do SOMETHING to help me that the rules that went away when I turned 18 are now back in effect. That means I have to be in the house by eleven every night and can't go out without telling mom or dad where I am going and with who.

I almost lost my internet privlidges too but I convinced dad that I needed to have a place to talk about stuff with other people who understand me. I get to keep my net but he turned on some parental controls to keep me out of the chat rooms where I was looking for local people to baby me.

[abdljoey]

Some background: I'm 59. I spent most of my years as an involved church leader in an evangelical church since my "born-again" experience in Grade 8. Christian college, SS Superintendent, VBS leader, the whole thing. On the other hand, for the last ten years gradually drifting away for variety of personal reasons. My ABDL life started f years ago when I borrowed a diaper and tried it in connection wit her nursing home experience. Then the internet. Now, I wear whenever I can, but it is hidden from wife and adult kids. OK.

On masturbation and sexual sin. Struggled with this my entire life. Can't say I believe there is any evidence of it being sin. It reminds me a bit of potty training. Sometimes making more of it than it really is, just causes more problems in later life. The one thing that bothers me, is this triangle between therapist, Mom, and you. I would be mortified (and forced to lie) if at 20 years old I was supposed to report and incidents of masturbation to my therapist and have my mother all be aware that things were not going well!! Again, let's try to remember something that is difficult for you AND your parents: the situation changed when you became 18, whether at home or not.

On parents and their wishes for their kids. All the years that I raised my 3 daughters to adulthood were also years of my church life. Family devotions, all attending church etc. But as they approached 18, I also felt that my "requirements" had to diminish... pull back... to allow for "practice" at making adult decisions. Still, my kids saw us as strict; we saw ourselves as doing the wise and right thing. My point is still to come.. : ) As the years have gone by (their ages are now 28, 31, 35), none of them "turned out" as expected (by us). #1 is in a cult and married and thinks that "Christians" are doomed for living phony lives; #2 lives what I call the "hippie" life style and rejects the Bible and worships mother earth; and #3 now believes what I used to believe for most of my life, after having two children, each with a different father, and is single living with us. My point: It's fine, while kids are growing up to try to mold them into what they THINK is a responsible way to live. But these efforts should taper in late teens because they officially end at 18. Parents should not be surprised that kids develop differently. Though this may cause tears, they would be well advised to keep on loving. If living the way I want you to live is a test for love, it isn't much of any real love in my book. [Not to say there might be some forms of lifestyle incompatible with living in my house; I have rights too.] I guess I am wishing your parents would learn the hard lesson of letting go of their view of what you should be now, not later. They will have to, sooner or later. The sooner it is, the less painful for all concerned.

But as another poster said about a fundamentalist relative. My above wish is not likely. So let me mention a few things you may or may not know, just in case.

Did you know that socalab, the same guy who has a website for selling regression hypnosis CDs considers himself an AB ...and an evangelical Christian of the Pentecostal variety? (http://socalab.250x.com/) Is that wild or what?

Did you know that Bittergrey who runs an educational website for infantilism (http://understanding.infantilism.org/) also is an evangelical who has struggled with these issues. He sees no conflict between his faith and infantilism. On the other hand, he does not practice any relationships (including diaper changes) with others... that is saved for a future bride.

I am not defending, promoting, of criticizing these guys. I don't agree with all they believe. BUT, maybe they are a resource for you in your situation.

Hugs,

Joey

[Pipsqueak]

Did you know that socalab, the same guy who has a website for selling regression hypnosis CDs considers himself an AB ...and an evangelical Christian of the Pentecostal variety?

[Ravenyasha]

I just told my gf, and she seemed ok with it

[StillNeedCntrl]

Thanks for the advice Joey!

I am uncomfortable with my mom knowing my sex habits but I guess I am willing to accept that for now. I know not everyone can understand this but I NEED to get to a comfortable place with my family. I can't live with myself if I don't. It would be different if they weren't budging at all, but they are.

I did break the masturbation rule tonight. Not sure if I will tell my shrink or not. I think I will first talk to her about respecting my privacy and letting what I say be between me and her unless I give permission to share something. I may be understanding things wrong but I don't think it's IF I masturbate that they are worried about, but what I am thinking and doing WHEN I masturbate.

Everything we talk about seems to be geared not toward changing my need for diapers or love, but in helping me learn to find the real thing (love) not just play sex games that mistake horniness for love.

[StillNeedCntrl]

I forgot to add: I am fairly religious myself and do not think diaper wearing is a sin. I guess religion is a big part of why I am trying to go along with all this. I know they (mom dad pastor and shrink) all are doing what they think is best to help me be a good person and I want to be a good person.

[DailyDi]

Still,

Family is important, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. That doesn't mean you have to change who you are or bow to your parent's every whim, but I think you are doing a good thing by trying to work with them to find a compromise you all can live with.

From reading your posts though, I have to ask... Have you been sexually active in ways your family doesn't approve of? Sort of sounds like we're not hearing everything that is going on? (Not accusing, just asking)

DailyDi

[wylz]

Food for thoughts... A patient/therapist relationship is supposed to be confidential. Particularly since you are legally an adult, your therapist cannot legally tell *anyone* anything about what is said during sessions, unless you've signed a waiver allowing her to do so. In fact, in theory she's not even supposed to confirm or deny if someone asks if you are in therapy with her.

I'm actually amazed at the change in situation you've described from your first post to now. I may not agree with everything, but I think in general y'all are in the right direction. But do make sure to confirm with your shrink that what you tell her remains confidential.

Otherwise, how can you really open up to her, knowing that what you say will go straight back to your mother?

[drynot]

Otherwise, how can you really open up to her, knowing that what you say will go straight back to your mother?

Now that is a really good point wylz.

[Guest Guest]

Remember this as well-

She is not a licensed therapist, she is a church councilor, so even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, she will be pushing their agenda (as in the "real love") thing. I highly recommend that if your mother insists on counciling to continue that you insist on a real shrink, one that can be held legally accountable

[StillNeedCntrl]

[StillNeedCntrl]

Remember this as well-

She is not a licensed therapist, she is a church councilor, so even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, she will be pushing their agenda (as in the "real love") thing. I highly recommend that if your mother insists on counciling to continue that you insist on a real shrink, one that can be held legally accountable

I don't think a real shrink would work as the church shrink is the compromise to not go to the church program. They want it to be a religious person.

[Guest CMUScott]

Just a point. The Church counselor could be a licensed therapist. A lot of pastors and church counselors are licensed or trained in counseling and therapy. I don't think the problem is necessarily the church or a church affiliation, but rather individuals and ideology standing in the way of helping a person be healthy. Wearing diapers is by no means a sin and neither is masturbation. Blindly judging, however, is a sin! Let's give our friend the benefit of seeking to have a relationship with his family and trying to help them understand what he is all about. I think it takes a lot of courage to have the conversation, even if it began with mom finding his diapers several times.