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Chapter 1 This is the story of a red panda with pink fur. Her name is Alice. She was not supposed to live past the age of 2. Her parents are both also red pandas but with normal fur. Her mom's name is Jane and she is 5 foot 6. Her dad's name is Cree. He is about 5 foot 9. They were both normal in height and both lived normal lives. They quickly fall in love after meeting at an archery contest. Jane and Cree made it to the semi-finals. Both of them have hit all their shots right on the bullseye, all they had to do was not miss or get distracted. Jane smirks at Cree giving him a cheeky wink. She yells over to him. "Hey, tell you what you beat me and I might let you get to know me better. But if I win you are going to buy me lunch." Jane says and blows a kiss at him. His mind was racing. He was never much of a lady's man. He just liked archery and kept to himself he never had a girl come on to him like this. He took a deep breath In and out. He shook his head and took aim. She might be hot and a girl but she wasn't going to take it easy on her. "Don't miss cutie~" Jane yells at him giggling. This makes the man panic and let go of his arrow pointing straight up. The arrow comes back down, landing right through his foot. Cree screams as Jane runs over to him. "Oh no! I didn't mean for that to happen! Just relax, this might hurt a bit sweetie." She says yanking the arrow right out. This causes Cree to scream trying not to cry in pain. He didn't want to look weak in front of someone so cute. He watched as she took off her sleeved shirt leaving her only in an undershirt and rips it up and ties it tight around his foot. "Let's get you to the hospital, I think I owe you that at least. Then maybe you can buy me that lunch." She says smiling at him. His voice cracks as he goes to speak. "Cree…" He says blushing but still in a lot of pain. She giggled but looked confused. "M-my name that is…" Cree says in a panic. Jane smiles and hugs him. "My name’s Jane, nice to meet you cutie. Though I wish it was better circumstances." This was their first time meeting; they were both about 22 years old at this point. They grew closer and closer before eventually getting married a few years later. Though it had to be said Jane never let Cree play the dominant one. She loved him but also loved to be on top. This might have caused the problem where Jane got pregnant. It was another year later but after some casual sex and wearing out the red panda boy Jane found out she was pregnant. She screamed from the bathroom. She had no intention of having kids. At least not yet. She couldn't believe how badly she wanted him the other day and didn't get off him letting him go full load in her. Cree runs into the bathroom. "What's wrong?!" He asks. She just sighs again. "Looks like we are going to have a kid…" Cree was overly excited but Jane not as much. Maybe secretly, over the next few months, she got more and more excited about the idea. Then after finding out it was a girl she was even more excited. She couldn't wait. Her belly grew more and more. Before one night they laid down to go to sleep her water broke just before she was out. They rushed her to the hospital where she screamed and cried as she gave birth to their new daughter. They named Alice this was Jane's idea she was named after her grandma. But something was off her fur was not red like her mom and dad but pinker. She was taken away by the doctors to get the normal check-up and cleaned up. Cree held Jane's hand. "Pink fur huh? What could cause that? My whole family was red I believe?" Cree says. Jane looks down thinking then looks up nervously. "I remember my grandma telling me of a story that she had a boy with pink fur but…" She says then covers her mouth beginning to cry. "B-but he didn't make it…" She continued. Cree tears up. "Surely not! She will be fine… I-" Just then the doctors walk into the room and hand Jane the baby. Alice just cries till she sees her mom before she just smiles reaching up at her. Jane smiles letting the newborn play with her fingers. The doctor then sighs. "I have something important to say. I'm sorry but she… will be lucky to make it past the age of 2. She has a very rare sickness, it has to do with a rare mutation that causes her fur to turn pink. I have never seen a child live past the ages of two but I hope I'm wrong, I'm sorry." They both broke into tears hugging her tight. They wanted to give her the best life they could before she could leave them. They took her on trip after trip, almost never spending time at home. They took her to theme parks and just all over the world, they spent all the money they had on her. But one day on Alice's first birthday all this stress and going out every day for so long put Jane into a heart attack. Cree rushes her to a hospital straight to the emergency room. She was lucky she made it through but she will have to stay at home and try not to push herself. Anything crazy, exciting or stressing on her heart again might kill her. Alice was about a year old now and the family was celebrating her first birthday. Alice was sitting In her high chair looking up at her mom and dad. "Happy birthday princess!" Cree and Jane yell. As they cheer and laugh. This makes Alice laugh and hits her tray with her hands excitedly. Jane and Cree both give her a big cake saying we love you on it. Suddenly Jane begins crying. "Eat all you want baby girl… w-we might not get to do this next year." Cree Hugs her and she begins to bawl. Alice looks excited by the cake and begins to make a mess while eating some of the cake. After a while of playing she looks up at her mom and dad crying then also begins to bawl not knowing what's wrong but knowing something is wrong. The rest of the year was spent as peacefully as possible to make sure Jane didn't go through another heart attack. This was rough on the family after the last year but they made it through. It's been a decent year but no changes are seen by Alice, no worse condition or anything. They ended up taking her to the hospital to be re-tested after hours and hours of waiting as the doctor walked in. Alice was playing with some toys in a small playpen while Cree and Jane watched. "We got good news! We don't understand how but she doesn't appear to have any of the symptoms anymore but there's still some strange things going on. She might be ok if only a few defects later on in life, But keep a very close eye on her." They both looked excited and hugged laughing and crying. But suddenly the strain of this excitement hit Jane as she screamed and held her chest. She was quickly rushed to the hospital. Cree grabbed Alice. He was crying and hugging her so worried about his wife as she was rushed to a different room. Alice was worried about her dad just playing with his shirt and chewing on it looking up at him. They sat out in the waiting room for nearly 8 hours then the doctors walked in looking down. "Cree… we are so sorry but Jane has passed from a heart attack. We did everything we could, we are deeply sorry." Cree hugs Alice tight and cries like crazy. Alice also begins to cry because her dad was crying. Cree knew he was losing someone this year but his wife was not what he expected. Many years pass after this. Alice is now about 10 years old and 4 feet tall. She was oddly short for her age but it wasn't crazy. Cree comes into her room while she sleeps and shakes her awake. "Time to wake up princess and get ready for school. I got to work too. I probably won't be home when you get home so I'll have a babysitter for you when you get home." Cree says. Alice grones and sits up. "But daddy I don't want a babysitter. I'm 10 years old now and I'm not a little girl anymore…" She says rubbing her eyes. Cree smiles and hugs her. "I know sweetie. But I just don't want anything bad to happen to you. I couldn't stand losing you after losing your mom about 8 years ago today." Alice hugs her dad. "I'm sorry dad… I wish I remembered mom. What was mom like daddy?" He smiled and rubbed her head. "Honestly she was a lot like you. Stubborn and going to have it her way. But she was loving and caring. She loved you so much. I miss her so much." Cree says. Alice frowns looking down. “But I'm just happy to have my little girl!” He said as he tickled her. Both him and Alice laughed and she smiled at him after he stopped. "Now get in the shower. Make sure you get clean this time." Cree says as he walks out of her room. She giggled. “Ok, daddy!” She jumped up and grabbed some clothes that were normal for her age. They looked about normal, maybe a little more childish than she wanted but it wasn't crazy for a 10-year-old. She goes to the bathroom and takes a shower and puts on some blue shortalls on then puts on a cute blue hat heading down to the kitchen. Her dad was already gone but had a pb&J sandwich sitting out for her. Alice smiles and takes walks outside and sits on the porch waiting for the school bus. She swings her legs happily and eats her pb&J. She had a pretty decent life. They might not have tons of money or a perfect house but it was a better life than living on the street or something. Suddenly the bus honks. Alice jumps down off the porch and runs off to the bus with her backpack on, She gets on the bus and looks around. There were a few people that stuck out to her. One was a young boy in the front; he always sat up straight holding his books and smiled at Alice. She gives an awkward smile and waves back. He was a human that wore a shirt with Eevee on it. They were playing tug of War and wore some aqua shorts. He was always super nice to her and she pretended to be nice to him. She didn't hate him, he was just a little weird and always talked about protecting her and stuff. It was kinda creepy to her. The next was a little lion, his mane hasn't grown in yet but he always teased Alice. He wore a camo shirt and jeans. He smirks as Alice passes. "Hey Alice and here I thought you wore pants to school, not just underwear!" She jumps and quickly looks down but she did put on clothing. Why was she tricked by that? She stomps her foot. "Dang it, Ram! I hate you so much, you are such a jerk!" She yells going to the back of the bus and sitting embarrassed. Suddenly the bus driver yells. "Stop fighting back there!" A few people around ram laugh just mocking Alice. Alice sits thinking to herself. "I hate this stupid school… Why can't daddy just get me out of it? They told me I technically don't have to go. Something about… my symptoms might come back eventually, that when I'm grown up I'm going to be set for life apparently?" She sighs and looks out the window watching as they drive away from her home and slowly to the school. Later she's in class, and the bell was about to ring for the next class. The teacher is talking to the class. It's a Female Cow in a long blue dress. "Ok class, tomorrow is bring your mother to school day! So don't forget to have her sign that paper so she can come in to talk about her work and other activities." The class cheered excitedly. Alice just frowns and lays her head on the table the teacher looks worried and as the class was leaving she stopped Alice. "Hey, Alice? Can we talk?" She gulps and panics. "I didn't shoot the spit wad at Ram! He started it!" The teacher looked confused and sighs. "That's not what I was talking about, but good job incriminating yourself." She said giggling. Alice looked surprised then puffed out her cheeks and crossed her arms. "Not fair…" She smiles and rubs Alice's head but she smacks it off. "So what do you want?" Alice asks, the teacher leans down, getting face to face. "Is something wrong with your mom? You seem to get upset when I talk about it?" The teacher asks. She looks down. "My mom died when I was young… i-i wish I knew her…" She tries to keep talking but she begins crying as the teacher hugs her, Feeling awful. They gave her off mom's day to stay home with her dad. Unfortunately, her dad got called into work too so she had to be with a babysitter. She loved her dad but she wished he could stay home more and be with her. Many more years later Alice is now 16 years old. She has not grown one-inch thanks to her strange illness. She's still 4 feet tall. Just like a normal day her dad walks into her room. "Alice, time to wake up. You're going to miss the bus." She sits up quickly only wearing a bra and panties and jumps out of bed. "Shit! Why did you let me sleep in so late?!" Her dad sighs. "Alice, please watch your mouth. You know I don't like that language." She shakes her head and shrugs. "Dad, I'm 16! I might be small and only 4 feet tall but I'm still 16! You got to let me grow up!" He laughs looking down. "Sorry, I know I know. You are just so cute. I'm happy to know you won’t die. Your mother's probably so happy. But being so small forever is a shame. I know it's been hard with school." Alice got dressed in a similar outfit when she was 10 years old. "I wish normal clothing would fit me at least… I hate wearing such childish clothing. Can’t we order special order clothing?" Her dad sighs. “You know I don't have that kinda money. As much as I would love to.” Suddenly there's a honk. "Shit the bus! Got to go, dad, love you! We can talk later!" She hugs him and runs out of the house just catching the bus. In the front there sat the same boy but definitely more Older. Everyone on the bus was 16 now. Even ram he had a bit of a mane now looked like a mean lion now. But oddly she sits right beside him. He throws his arms around her and she smiles. "Wow, cut it close huh? You didn't even comb your hair." She blushes and puts her hair down with her hands. "Oh shut up ram. My dad woke me up late." She sighs and lays against him. "You are nice and comfortable." Alice says, he smirks and leans down, and kisses her. She blushed and covered her face. "Love you." Ram said. Alice smiled back. "Love you too." Turned out Ram used to tease her because he liked her. It took her a while to fall for him but he was the only boy that seemed to like her. He was still kinda a dick but she was loved, right? After the bus ride, they got off and waved as they went to their classes. She was suddenly stopped by her three girlfriends. One was a squirrel she only wore skirts and dresses. Today it was a yellow summer dress. She was a foot and a half taller than Alice. Next was a mouse. She was white-furred and kinda a bitch but she was kinda nice to Alice. Then last was a cat she was striped with black and orange. "Hey, Alice! Are you still coming over today after school?" The mouse asks. "Hey Brittany, uhh ya I think so? We are staying all night right? I might need to get some clothes to sleep in but definitely." The squirrel smirks. "Oh ya, she needs clothing for a toddler because she is so small." Alice blushes and glares. "I'm not that small Cali!" The cat speaks up next. "Oh, Cali don't tease her. She can't help it if she still needs to wear diapers." The group laughs and Alice blushes like Crazy. "Sam! Ahhh! I'm going to class. I'll see you all after school! Or maybe I won’t, it might be nice." She goes to her class and the group laughs more before smirking at each other. It seemed the group had a plan for her. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Enjoying this? Join my patreon to read the next 10 chapters! https://www.patreon.com/Little_Rie

Well, I have a new story started, a friend of cool content helping me edit, and a ton of nervous energy. I always get a little nervous when I start a new story, and worse so, when I post the first few chapters! Please watch for the Point of View IDs (--- Becca ---) littered throughout the story. It's a first person work told from several points of view. I think this may be a long one so enjoy and let me know what you think! ----------------------------------------------------------- Birch House Chapter 1 --- Becca --- “I’m not parking this far away from the house everyday.” My husband grumbled. “Yeah, this is kinda retarded. If we buy it, you won’t have to.” I agreed flipping my bangs out of my face the jewelry on my wrist clinking together like a wind chime. “We’ll just drive up there and park next time, but we’ll need to get some gravel brought in and make a real lane out of this grownup driveway. We should do a circular drive and make sure Ann’s got a place to park too.” He said calculating volumes in his head. “We’re not pissing off the Finn’s Trent. We’ll park down here by the road until they tell us it’s ok, or we buy it.” I asserted. “All right… All right Babe.” Trent caved not wanting to upset the sellers either. That’s how Trent was though, always planning ahead. He could see things coming before they got to us, and still find creative ways to bitch about it even if he already had a plan to deal with it. I loved trent with all my heart, but his attitude could be an acquired taste. I had been with Trent since I was a little girl… first as a friend and eventually his wife. Trent’s offered me his hand getting out of my car, and I paused to pull my black lace covered skirt back down where it belonged. Stockings are great and all, but the silky lining of my skirt let it ride way up when I got in the car. I may like showing some cleavage and making sure my tattoos are visible, but I didn’t intend to flash my lack of panties to the world. I love teasing Trent, so normally that’s a good thing, but our realtor sure didn’t need to see my lady fur! Regardless of Trent’s attitude problems, I loved him. Not to mention the short walk up the tree lined lane was beautiful this time of year and was doing wonders for both our attitudes. The little forest guarded the edge of the property from view blocking us from our potential neighbors. In fact, it felt like the house was carved out of a small but wild grove of trees. Even the chill in the air because of fall’s cooler temperatures couldn’t mess with my mood. “God I hope we can close this deal. This place fucking rocks.” I squealed clinging to Trent. My hopes rose with each step closer to my would-be-house. My head swiveled admiring the small forest and the well kept yard. It was the fifth time we’d wandered up that path, and I was starting to feel like I was coming home. I wanted that house so badly, but the amount of debt we were talking about was Hella scary for me. Owning a home was going to be an exciting new chapter in our lives. I mean, I was still driving the car my parents bought me when I turned sixteen for fuck’s sake! The only credit I had was a hundred dollar Victoria Secret card! Big spender I was not. Mom would be so proud of me. I wish she were here to see this with me. Drunk ass old fool! I thought sparing an unkind thought for my dad too. Ashley, our realtor, had shown us this property all five times we’d visited. Each time she looked amazing, and she didn’t let me down that day either dressed in a brilliant blue business suit that day. I remember it matched her lovely eyes. The realtor greeted us with bright smiles hugging me tightly like a long lost friend. I admired her for her sense of style even if it was different than mine, but I’ll be damned if she didn’t catch me staring. “The house is nice too. My firm has sold this house a total of six times you know! This will be the second time that I have found Birch House a new family. She’s just an amazing place.” Ashley said over her shoulder as we toured the house taking my attention from her legs. “I still don’t understand the turnover.” Trent implied blind to her appeal. “This house, at its age, in this condition, and at this price point has always been a great deal. She’s always been a great first house or last house depending on your stage of life. Remember, six times over that many years isn’t so alarming.” She said sticking to her tour confidently dismissing his question handling Trents skepticism like a boss. “It looks like everything in here is new!” Trent said getting his first at the like-new old house. I realized she’d given this tour a million times before, and it added a layer of nervous energy to the walkthrough. Her cleavage was distracting me more than Trent, and I bet she dressed up to show off her assets as a tactic too. I shook my head clearing out the unproductive thoughts feeling a bit like a dude at Hooters hoping the waitress really meant all those kind words. I was ready to make an offer, well… mostly. We had our co-signer and our funding all worked out. We were ready to finalize on our latest offer, assuming the property had been improved like the Finn’s had promised. I shook off my uncertainty causing the chain on my ear piercings to make dainty metallic noises that only I could hear. Personally, I thought Trent had a good point, but maybe I was biased? Why would the house have had so many owners? It’s was nerve wracking going into debt like that, and I just needed to be sure. It felt terrifying and exciting at the same time like that time I went bungee jumping. Making a bad deal and going into over a hundred thousand dollars worth of debt was dragging my excitement to the shitter. The house seemed big enough to me... maybe it was just rich-lady-reasons? I sure as hell didn’t any of those! I wasn’t certain why it was only a good house to start or end one’s life, but I bet she had a speech prepared for the question so I just let it go. There were like a million rooms at Birch House. I bet a big family could live here for a good long time, decades even. The listing had it at about eighty years old. Three, maybe four owners seemed reasonable to me, not four before our realtor’s firm and six more after! Ashley skimmed her notes flipping through the thick stack of paper on her clipboard. The current owners had met us here the second time she showed us the place. I couldn’t believe it had only been a few weeks ago. Trent and I had discussed the things we’d like to do to the house to really make it our own after our first visit. It was going to be hard to complete our list since we didn’t have a lot of cash left for improvements. When the Finn’s had asked, it had seemed like a strange question. A question answered cautiously because we were eager to make a good impression. So, we literally gave them a copy of our list hoping for the best. They’d talked to us for quite a while when we met them. The Finn’s stayed so long it began to feel like a job interview! They’d asked what improvements could be made that would help us. Things they could do that would make the house more attractive and let us pay for the improvements over the term of the loan. The Finns freakin awesome! They were clearly still deeply in love with each other and Birch House. That was no small accomplishment after having been married over ten years. We guessed they were in their mid to late thirties at the time. They said they were only moving because Mr. Finn had been asked to head up an office for his company in another state. They said that they absolutely loved the house and honestly hated to leave it. That made more sense to us. It seemed like a good reason to move, but we still felt uneasy after the interview. We had the sense that the whole deal was too good to be true. We still had two months on Trent’s lease and weren’t too worried about finding a place to rent, so we had the time to be patient about our house hunting. His landlord even offered to go monthly on our rent at the end of the lease, so we had that option too. He wasn’t thrilled when we put in our notice. “Good tenants like you kids are hard to find.” Carl had told us reading our letter of intent. Good? Ha! We were the best tenants! We Phillip’s are handy. We’d tackled small home improvement tasks and simply ask off a bit of rent when our landlord was happy with the results. The first few times we’d had to get any upgrades approved, but it didn’t take long to make a good impression. The bathroom tile and marble countertops had made him so happy he’d paid for the supplies and given us rent for free that month. We weren’t afraid of a little elbow grease. In fact, we enjoyed working to make a house a home. Trent’s mom called it nesting. Unfortunately, money was going to be short for a while. It always is after you buy your first home. His mother had warned us, and it turned out she was clairvoyant about our potential lack of cash. There were more out of pocket expenses than we were expecting. We intended to make the repairs to Birch House on our own, and in our own time. Our realtor had insisted on asking about improvements saying, “you never know.” Then the Finn’s turned around and asked us themselves. We felt much better about being asked than doing the asking ourselves. “We’ve asked to meet with all the potential buyers you know. We’ve decided we are backing your offer. Honestly, the Missus just loves you two. Birch House was our first home and we just love it. Is there anything we can do to help you?” Marshall Finn had asked. Turns out the list we’d made at home was just what the doctor ordered. Trent’s forthought helped us out again, but his ego suffered from the triumph. The improvements were part of Trent’s property evaluation process. God, he was so organized it was obnoxious! Our fantasies gave us some goals to work toward and a future to dream of. In the end, the Finns had the list and we left it with them to think it over. “I can’t believe they did all this in two weeks!” I said trailing my black tipped fingers over the new stove while glancing around at the refurbished cabinets. “Well, they must be heavily invested in unloading this place, or they just really liked you two and were prepared to help you out. I think what really motivated them was when you said you’d have to take a renter for the upstairs.” Our realtor commented as she walked. “Rebecca look! They pulled the carpet off the stairs and refinished the old floors! They had to have had people working 24x7 to pull all this off. It’s not like it was in bad shape before, but this… It’s amazing.” Trent’s eyes roamed around the house absorbing details in a state of wonder. “I know. I mean we may want to paint, and I’d eventually like marble on the counters in the bathroom here too, maybe the kitchen. You know how I am about my marble! But, this… is UNREAL. It looks like a brand new house in here!” I gushed bouncing on my toes. “I noticed the shingles were replaced on the way up here. Did they mention any water damage?” Trent asked. “Uh… I have a note here that there was a small leak in the attic. The inspector’s report says there was only discolored sheetrock which has been replaced as well. This is an amazing deal. Brand new roof, that’s a ten thousand dollar value added back.” Ashley insisted redirecting Trent. The woman was amazing! Her word wizardry would leave you eating your own words with confidence. Un...Fucking...Real... “Well, I wouldn’t feel right countering lower than the asking price now. This place is worth way more than they have it up for.” I told them both, my heart investing deeply. “Awe Trent, look they left that rod iron frame up I liked so much. Honey, I just LOVE this place!” I said it and knew I was all in at that point. Our realtor probably felt her commission check weighing down her purse after my blabbermouth. The two story house was priced to move at one-hundred twenty thousand, but with these improvements it was worth around one-eighty easy. The Finns had gone way above and beyond for us. “Well, you can’t go wrong with Birch House. It always sells fast! Owners seem to stay a while or get out in under ten years. Then they move on to something bigger and better if they leave. Maybe it’s good luck?” Ashley shrugged having sussed out my love of the supernatural and superstitious. “There’s only one weird thing. The owners almost always want to meet the buyers before they accept an offer.” She noted certain that this deal was sealed. “But, you guys already nailed that, so I can’t imagine them not signing right away.” “I just want to run around in the yard barefoot and I don’t know… pounce on the couch for a good nap in the sun. These windows are insane! There’s not a smudge on them anywhere. They let in so much light!” I fussed to Trent tugging at his shirt begging him with my eyes. Hell, the grass looks as lush and fluffy as the carpet! “Ashley, you know we are just going to offer their asking price right? See if they will cover the closing costs for us, and we’ll be able to afford the paint right away. If not, we’ll take it anyway and paint in a few months.” Trent tells the realtor confident he’s getting a good deal the confidence sexily wafting off of him. “Oh Trent! Really! God, I really don’t want to leave now. This new carpet probably sleeps better than our bed!” I said bending to rub my hands through the pile on the livingroom floor. I was so wrapped up in the feel of that luxurious carpet that I forgot about my short little skirt. I mooned Ashley with my stocking covered pany-free ass, but she never commented. Girl wanted that commision check! “Ann is going to love it here. She’s always wanted a dog and there’s so much room! I guess we better look over the upstairs and I’ll run through the attic before you call them Ashley. Due diligence and all.” Trent said bounding up the stairs with the hardwood he’d fallen in love with. I stood up and headed over to the only picture still hanging in the house. The current owners had already moved out, and other than their couch and a bed left in a guest room downstairs there wasn’t much left in the house. We really could move in right away, I muse running my finger over the rod iron frame. The same saying hangs in both our parent’s house and Trent’s mom’s place. ‘Love makes a house a Home’ they read. I loved this house already, but that wall hanging really endeared it to me. I was feeling a connection to the house and we hadn’t even signed for it yet! I moved through the living room running my hand along the oak trim framing the doorway. I’ve always loved that quote, I thought leaving the room getting a tactile feel for the place. “Ashley, I’ve never lived anywhere that had an official laundry room before! Trent loves that the hot water heater is in there and accessible too. This place is fucking awesome!” I couldn’t praise Birch House enough! We both knew where I stood. “It is. This is my favorite property. I’d live here myself, but the house is never on the market when I’m looking. Each owner puts their stamp on it of course, but it just seems to add to it’s ambiance not take away. Owners have moved walls or changed things around to suit their tastes, but it always feels so... Homey in here.” Our realtor smiled. “Everything checks out up there Becca. There’s even more impossible renovations upstairs! Ann may want to paint, but there isn’t much reason to do anything else. They even got the sink and some cabinets in the third room. Hell, there’s room for one of your Exes up there too babe.” Trent joked. “Just be glad I like that girl so much. You really did a number on her. The poor thing.” I slapped at Trent giving him a hard time on a stale joke. “Rebecca Phillips! I was like fifteen er something! That was friggin years ago! I didn’t even know we were going steady. I had no idea going to the movies with Wendy was cheating on her! Cut me some slack! We are all adults and friends, best friends even! I don’t think of her as an Ex!” Trent looked tired of the old one sided argument, but I thought it was funny and so did Ann. He was still sensitive about it though. “Then don’t joke about it if you can’t take it. Ann can. You can’t, ya cheater!” I teased Trent even more. “I’d never cheat on you.” He whispered pulling me to him. “You don’t think that do you?” He asked. Ashley cleared her throat, “Becca, you had better be one hundred percent sure. Buying a house, married or not, has legal obligations that follow you even if Trent doesn’t. I can’t make your offer unless I’m sure you’re sure. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night, even if my job is to sell the house and move on.” “Oh Trent! Your stupid jokes have scared Ash. Go measure something or look at man stuff!” I huffed at him swatting him on the ass dismissing him so the Big Girls could talk. His shoulders told me that he didn't’ appreciate that very much, but Trent ambled outside grumbling about girls being confusing. I watched him walking across the covered front porch and disappear from my view. We waited long enough to be sure he was truly out of earshot. I waited more for Ashley’s sake than for my own privacy. “Ash, you are totally safe making this offer. Trent may be gone a lot, but I see his checks. I know when he’s gone, how long he’s paid for, and I have ways of accounting for his time. The lady that does payroll showed me, Barb. We were at a company picnic and I told her I was uncomfortable with all the weird hours cause truthfully, I’m a little insecure and needy. I’m sure he worries about all those hot young college guys when I’m at class too.” I admit. “Oh, I know what you mean. I’ve been married for years and have zero reasons not to trust my husband, but it’s just so rampant, the cheating. I get worked up sometimes.” She reassured me shrugging her shoulders. “He never really cheated on Ann either. She just felt that way at the time. Neither one of them had dated before, and didn’t know any of the rules. It was hard for her for like two weeks then she was over it, and that was literally years ago. If you ever meet her just know Trent didn’t make her the way she is. She’s just a timid little thing and I love her to death. Trent does too, but we love her in a sisterly way. She’s older than both of us, and we’ve all been good friends since we were in diapers.” I assured her. “Ok, well I feel a bit better. Backstories always help a sale, ya know! Go let the heartbreaker and bring him in the house. Just remember. Everyone loves Birch House. It always feels like Home in here. Don’t be the first ones in like eighty years to bring bad things to this place.” I could feel Ashley’s love for the house and the warning in her threatening tone. Her deep care for the place anchored my feelings. Love grew in my own heart too. I was in love with my future first home! This house would be our Home. I was absolutely confident that Birch House would meet our needs and maybe even see the pitter patter of little feet bounding around. Trent and I walked hand in hand back down the lane to our car talking so fast we had trouble keeping up with each other. Birch House Chapter 2 Trent and I brought Ann to Birch House four days later. --- Ann --- I’m buying a flipping-stinking house! Daddy is going to be so proud! I said to myself while getting out of my jeep. I can’t believe I’m buying a frigging house! I shivered in excitement. “OMG! Girl! I can’t wait to show you OUR new place!” Becca yelled getting out of my jeep. She ran around my jeep bounding over to get me. Her silver bracelets and rings clinking against each other making her sound like a wind chime. “I know sweety. Look, calm down a bit. You’re spazzing!” I laughed hugging her lightly. I placed my hands on her shoulders to hold her to the ground. She looked at me with her large chocolate colored eyes opened widely, “I’m sorry… I just never bought a house before.” “That’s ok hun! Me neither! I’m excited too. Point those puppy dog eyes somewhere else! I really need a place anyway, like tomorrow!” I noted worried more about my own circumstances than buying a house. In fact, buying that house with my best friends was an answer to a prayer. “Ann, I’m so glad you’ll be moving in with me. Really I am. Not even kidding! I was going to be so fucking lonely! Trent’s driving would do me in I’m sure of it. You’ll get the entire upstairs to yourself so you can hide from me. You’ll have like everything up there. It’ll be your own apartment or something. OH. MY. GOD. I’m fucking freaking out.” Excitement spilled from Becca while she shook her hands animatedly grabbing at my elbows. “So they accepted the offer then?” I asked her taking her hands. “Yeah, the Finns accepted at their original asking price, like right away. Trent is freaking out too! He says it’s a steal! He’s prolly gonna be on the phone all day.” My friend babbled while tugging at my arms pulling me toward the house. “I’m sorta afraid it’s too good to be true.” I admitted looking down at her. For the millionth time, I pondered how badly that piercing in her nose must have hurt. She has a tiny silver ring in her septum that just hangs low enough to have a bit of movement. The dainty little diamond high in her left nostril fits tightly against her skin and barely catches the light. Becca was always modifying herself, but I liked her nose the best. Me? I’m a big wuss. I don’t like pain. I have one set of ear piercings to her many and nothing else pierced to her many other piercings. I have it on good authority Becca’s face isn’t the only location with non-biological holes! Just the thought of her pierced flower gave me a serious physical shiver. No way in a hairy dolphin will I ever get my lady bits pierced! I promised myself after that stray thought filtered through my mind. “Yeah, I can’t shake that feeling either… Only just a tiny bit though! They even paid the closing costs and shit. We are moving in on the down payment only, that’s nuts! We can cover that together no problem! You’re amazing by the way! Have I told you that today? We couldn’t do this without you.” Becca says turning around swiftly and stretching up to kiss my cheek meaning I had to bend down cause she pulled me to her. I loved Becca, but I’m a very introverted person. Hugs were the most contact Becca and I had shared and those were infrequent bro-hug type thingies. My childhood was sort of difficult. My parents were great, but my health wasn’t. I ostracized myself from the outside world and only went out when I had to. Trying to date my neighbor Trent had been Mom’s idea. I over invested and it sort of crushed my will to date for a while. Mom’s therapist (I refused to call her my own) said I have a social anxiety disorder. I thought I just like being alone, but I don’t have a Doctorate in what other people think so I got ignored. The kiss was new for us. I didn’t know what to do with it, but my hand drifted up to my face touching the trace of heat her lips had left. “You know, I only have a few days before I have to be out of my apartment. It stinks that I’ll have to move twice.” I complained. “Ah. You’ll only be a couch bum for a couple days. Maybe a couple weeks tops. We are happy to have you.” Becca reminded me of her offer to let me bunk on their couch at Trent’s apartment. “Uh... I decided to stay at the La Quinta Becks. They have a suite and I booked it for seven days. They gave me a good rate, and I’m not hurting for money. Besides, I don’t want to squash the newlywed vibe you two have going on.” I told her following her up to the house. “Awe, really? That’s no fun!” She huffed. “We’ll be all up in each other’s business before you know it. I’m excited. I’ll get more room for about the same money with this house. This move is a no-brainer for me babe.” I said looking down at her. “I may have bought it without you guys if I’d have been brave enough.” “I’m sorry they sold your building, but I’m not sorry to move in with my best friend!” Becca laughed hugging me tightly resting her head on my chest. “Your tall today.” Becca commented looking down at my hikers then back up at my face. “I’m always tall, and your always short!” I giggled and took a turn dragging her a few steps toward our new home. Becca took the lead guiding me around the backside of the house. She was a touchy-feely chick, but today she was a bit over the top. She’d always been that way, and it had been hard for me since I was a pre-teen. I’d dealt with the touching because I trusted her though. She was my first real friend after we’d moved when I was eight. I trusted Becca to get a good feel for the house just like I trusted Trent’s handi-maness to determine if the house was sound. The Lord knows I couldn’t do either! I giggled to myself. You have a certain set of skills… and house buying isn’t one of them. I thought in my best Liam Neeson impression. I hate getting out of the house, and college was just torture for me. My freshman year they made me live in the dorms! With people! I’d fallen into a light depression that year, but I had pushed through my problems and gotten my degree. I don’t really like to be touched, looked at, talked to… Fine. I’m a hermit. Dating was was even worse than living with strangers! It’s not that I enjoyed being alone, but guys just didn’t understand when I needed time alone. I just never really clicked with any of them. They couldn’t give me my alone time. Eventually, I gave up on dating altogether. I worked from home, shopped from home, ate at home, and gamed from home. I had a few friends and a truly lovely family. I just didn’t feel the need to get involved with humanity beyond that. “Look! Look!” Becca shouted as we rounded the house treading on a newer looking stone path. “Oh My stars!” Was all I could say. It was beautiful and I was left standing there dumbfounded. The back of the house looked very different from the pictures that Becca had shown me. There was a patio off the back door maybe three feet or so off the ground accounting for the grade of the hill. That wasn’t the only change though. Four humongous pillars rose from the patio on each of it’s corners. They were supporting another deck. I looked up at the bottom of the upper deck… my deck? There were two new decks, an upper and a lower, off the back of the house! I followed Becca, well got dragged by her, up a beautiful set of stairs. The dark wood had a tinge of red in the stain and was finished immaculately. The handrail was so smooth that when I ran my hand along it, I had no fear of splinters. “B...Becca! Do I really have my own outside access?!?” I stuttered in disbelief. “Yeah, Trent put that on the improvement list right at the top just for the hell of it. Look at this shit! They actually had it done!” Becca gushed literally jumping up and down. “I… I can’t believe it. It’s… so perfect.” I gaped reaching out to touch my own door. “Girl, just wait till we go inside! I don't’ have this key, but look it’s like a real balcony up here!” She giggled turning around to look at the yard. She drug me back around to the front door, but I had a hard time leaving my deck because it was cute and the view was amazing. I was already imaging watching the sunset out here. It looked like I’d have to see the first floor before I had the chance to see my floor though. The Finns had really put in a lot of effort for us, for me. I couldn’t believe all the work that had been done. It was nothing short of amazing. I was that much closer to a new dog. I was thrilled. All the woods in the house were all rich and dark where the walls were a complimentary lighter color. I was sure my little spaz of a friend would end up repainting a few rooms because her tastes are… her own? “Becks I’m pretty happy right now. I’m just so glad you and Trent finally have your own place, well you know mostly your own. I feel like I’m invading though, but I promise I’m like a recluse or something! I won’t mess with your newlywed vibe.” I told her trying to get her to slow down. “Pish! Trent will be on the road a lot, most of the week really. He may start taking some overnight runs or sleeping in his truck. They pay a crazy wad of cash for those two-day runs. We have my car, but he wants to get a bike for running back and forth to work. With you here, I won’t be alone when he’s off being the Man of the House!” Becca said growling in a low voice. “Trent could use some butching up ya know. Those truckers are going to eat alive with that metro head of hair and total lack of man-beard. He looks like a teenage boy… If he carried a hipster bag, they’d probably beat the poop out of him on the spot.” I laughed. “Hey! That’s MY metro-man you’re mouthing there.” Becca put up a token defense of her husband, but lacking in real conviction. She drew up to her full height, which unfortunately for her was just shorter than your average girl. It always makes me giggle when she gets her back up and I still have to look down at her. She looked at me with death in her eyes and then broke laughing hysterically. She hugged me in our shared excitement as we headed upstairs together. It was time to see my floor! There was a small landing upstairs and then a weird shaped hallway. I couldn’t see from one end of the floor to the other, but I’d noticed that in the pictures before. I was already figuring out how to divide up the rooms to create a full house on the second floor. I wanted a nice bedroom suite and there was a beautiful humongous master bedroom suite on this floor on the east wall. I wanted an office, guest room, and a pretend kitchen/dining room. Then I’d have a full apartment on this floor, but this house wasn’t built with that in mind. It did have a dedicated bathroom on this floor that could be a guest bathroom, so that was nice. There was plenty of rooms for the other stuff I wanted to do and I’d get around to it all eventually. “Look it! They put in an outside door on the landing!” She said her platinum hair and purple braids bouncing off her shoulders. The purple braids were tipped with silver skull-face hair ties. “I see. This is super amazing Becks! I can’t believe this. It’s almost like this floor has been remade into a real apartment. I’ll be able to take out a dog and not bother you!” I stood there shocked all over again excitement building. “I know! We’ll love your dog, but I’m glad you can do that out your own door. Just… you know walk it away from the porch a ways.” Becca admitted. “I promise Becks. I’ll do the poop bags and everything.” I agreed. “We told the Finns that we couldn’t afford the place all on our own. Ashley let on like they thought we had to get a renter. I thought she’d look our financial paperwork closer than that.” Becca told me shrugging like it was the realtor’s loss. “So... She knows I’m a co-signer right? I mean I’m covering most of the down payment and all the taxes.” I asked. “I guess, I’m sure she does by now at least. Worst case, she’ll find out at the closing won’t she?” Becca laughed. “It’ll be nice to meet the Finns at least the once.” I admitted. “Let me show ya the rest, there’s more.” Becca’s silver bracelets clacked together as she clapped her hands bounding off once again. Rebecca Phillips is my best friend, but she was just coming out of her goth phase. I was thrilled for that! Goth was preceded by a punk phase, and I for one would love to see the end of all the leather and silver buckles. The punk stuff came after her stab at grunge in her senior year. Japanese culture influenced most of High School before the grunge phase. The entertaining part of my besty is that none of the phases were ever totally left behind. They all left a mark on her eclectic sense of style. I bought her several of those noisey bracelets over the last few years. The purple streaks in her hair were left over from our junior year when two toned hair was her thing. Well, at least the punk and goth phases shared a lot of the same clothes! Goth just added a ton of dark makeup to the mix, at least that’s for the most part how it worked for Becca. I don’t know, there may be a few more piercings these days. I giggled to myself looking at her. Strangely, I found myself doing it much more frequently than I used too. I refocused on my wind chime sounding friend and the tour she was giving. It turned out one of the room’s had been upgraded just for me! There were some basic cabinets making a bar against one wall. They had installed a small overhead cabinet on one end and a fridge on the opposite wall. It immediately reminded me of a workplace break room. The only stuff I’ll have to do downstairs is oven stuff and my laundry! I notice unable to fight back my own sniffles suddenly overwhelmed by the Finns’ thoughtfulness. “Good gracious Becca, this place is amazing! I can’t get around how perfect this house is. I can’t believe they even got a fridge up here. It’s ridiculous!” I gush. “I know! Trent keeps coming over here looking for flaws. Poor guy has a bit of a glass-half-empty complex. It can be hard to keep him happy.” She giggled her hand resting on my arm. ----- I’m a few years older than Trent who was a few years older than Becca’s twenty. Twenty-four wasn’t ancient or anything, but I was the college grad with a few years of working and life under my belt. I would always be the oldest in our house. I loved Becca, but we’d never lived together, and I certainly didn’t have the upper hand in relationship edicate. I had few relationships and even fewer long term friends. Was all this touching normal? I asked myself trying to fight off the sense of invaded space she was stirring up. That day though, we both gushed and giggled about moving into our new house. We talked a lot about the new appliances and discussed colors for our walls. The owners were going to leave the couch and one bed in the guest bedroom downstairs until we closed, then it’d be a flurry to get all our crappy furniture in that beautiful house. ----- All the banking was done, so we were ready when Closing Day came around a few weeks later. All we had to was sign on the dotted lines. We were filled with nervous energy while Trent remained aloof standing with his arms crossed through most of the meeting. It was terrifying and thrilling at the same time. Admittedly, I could afford the house on my own, and I wouldn’t have co-signed with my friends if that weren’t the case. Plan for the worst case scenario! Dad was worried life would smack me and leave me in a lurch so I never got in over my head. I planned to squirrel away the difference that the Phillips would be covering so I had my budget worked out for worst case. Plus I needed to rebuild my savings after the down payment. Becca and I crashed on the downstairs couch as the sun was setting the evening after we closed on the house. Trent had to leave running his first night load. So, we were alone to celebrate in our new house. The view was amazing through the full windows on the west side of the house. We were nestled in watching the oranges and reds while she sipped a beer and I nursed at a sweet tea. Becca, being so short, could only lean her head against my shoulder, but it was comfortable and so was the silence in the room. She took a pull off her beer and looked up at me with her big chocolate brown eyes. She whispered, “I couldn’t do this with anyone else ya know.” “I know Becks. I get it. You don’t have to tell me. Seriously, it’s not charity. You guys really bailed me out here. If you can stand me for a couple years, you’ll be out of school and you won’t need me any more.” I pat her leg letting her know I wouldn’t intrude forever. Her body language changed immediately. She sort of shrank in on herself and sat up separating herself from me. A shadow crossed her face and her hands quickly covered her eyes. Soft sobs wracked her body and her pale shoulders bobbed keeping time with the crying. “Shit Ann. I’m sorry.” She sniffed. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant, you are literally the only reason we can get this place!” “Oh Becks…” I started honestly confused. Becca cut me off, “No, it took both our credit ratings and you as a cosigner. I just meant please, please, please put up with us for a few years before your life sweeps you out of town. I’ll be ready to help with the bills then. Part-time just doesn’t cover much. Maybe I’ll be ready to let you go by then too.” I turn to do something I have never done before, something that had never occured to me before. I kissed the top of her head. Poor thing, I thought as she tugged me into a side hug burrowing into me. I’m never going to want to leave. I don’t want to get swept away with life or my carrier. I thought to myself not finding the words or the will to say anything. Becca was one of the coolest outgoing people I knew, but she seemed so fragile right then. One day I’d find out what had her so worried, but on that day I attributed it to the stress of debt and moving. “Sorry Becca. I get it. I guess I thought this might be long term thing. You know ‘Crazy Aunt Ann’ living upstairs taking care of your kids in the evenings so you two could do stuff together. I don’t know what I was thinking. Of course, I’ll stay long enough for you to finish school… long enough you won’t need me.” I whispered. “Shit! Damn! Ah Hell Annie. That’s N-O-T what I meant. You better bet your ass that you’ll be crazy Aunt Ann! We may need one of those rooms eventually. Trent wants to ruin my body with at least two kids. There’s only the one spare room down here unless we give up our office.” Becca rushed. “Sorry. I just… Well… Poop. Becks they are tearing down my building! I can’t catch a break anywhere. I thought you were telling me I wasn’t going to be welcome in a few years. I… it’s... I’m sorry.” I sniffed. “Such a potty mouth on such a pretty face.” Becca joked turning my words against me over my pseudo cussing. She got up on her knees and returned my kiss leaving my face uncomfortably close to her cleavage. I sprung up and drug her to the master bedroom on the second floor. My bedroom had a beautiful attached bathroom. It looked like my bedroom was a bit bigger than theirs and i secretly loved that. Buying the whole floor for half the house payment was a steal for me, but I wanted to cheer Becca up. “Your’s and Trent’s room is almost as big as his whole apartment. Plus, it’s on the opposite side of my outside entrance.” I pointed out. “Yeah, it’s a big fucking upgrade from my dorm room!” She bursted out laughing. “This is a huge upgrade for me too! Potty mouth.” I asserted. We moved to what I thought would be my guest room, “Well, the second room downstairs could be the boy’s room. You don’t want those yard apes too close to your room though. Too much rough housing in there. Then you’d have the kid’s bathroom, and then girls room up here if we had to. You know in the future.” “Or you could keep your office if I have two boys or two girls. Since you live up there, you’d have to take care of em if I put any spillover kids upstairs. Maybe we could put that baby monitor receiver in your room!” She teased. “You’re breastfeeding aren’t you!” I blanched looking mortified. No way I wanted to get up at night! “Hell, I don’t know! That’s at least after college and the first year of work or so!” Her face scrunched. “I have to wait like three FLIPPING years to live vicariously through your motherhood!” I mock panicked. “OMG! You’re going to have to get a handle on that fucking mouth before you burn my poor baby’s ears off with your verbal filth!” Becca teased me. “Why I never! My momma would probably spank me to this day if she caught me talking like you! Those poor babies!” I giggled. We broke off in a fit of laughter. Becca hugged closely to me as we walked back into her room hip to thigh. It was a big impressive room too. I really liked her room, but it was the view I was in love with even if my room was a bit bigger. I was truly happy for her and thrilled to be sharing the house with her. She ran a hand down my hair and stepped away from me taking my hand again. More touchy-feely boundaries were broken that day than in both of my previous dating relationships! I didn’t know what to do. I already loved Becca, but I didn’t see other people behaving like this with their friends. Course, one has to leave the house to see other people... Going to have to hit the internet for some research. I’m not sure if I should be offended or not. Still, it’s nice to be this close to someone. I decided. “God we can do anything in here! It’s so huge!” She said sounding like she was in a bit of a weird mood. “I could fit my whole dorm room in here fridge and microwave and everything!” Becca pointed out. “I won’t have an oven upstairs, but I don’t cook much so that wouldn’t be a problem!” I said getting truly excited. “Well, you’ll be eating downstairs with the family anytime I cook.” Becca asserted. “Bah you cook all the time! I’m going to wear out my welcome!” I worried. “Honey, you can’t wear out your welcome. You know why? It’s because your family, and I love you!” She reminded me. “I don’t wanna mess up the whole newlywed humping like rabid bunnies vibe you two have.” I giggled. We left Birch House in a good mood having spent some time in it dreaming of our futures. We headed over to Becca and Trent’s place and grabbed the boxes Trent had brought home for packing. It was enough boxes to move a whole house of people. Becca ran into PIzza Hut for a hot and ready pizza on our way to my hotel. The Packing had started. “Ok, Let’s pack this shit!” She giggled grabbing a piece of ham off the top of our pizza. “Oh I give up! Wish I had something to shove in your mouth so you wouldn’t foul up my air!” I said laughing at her potty mouth. “I’m sure I’ll spontaneously stop cursing as soon as the house is packed with diapers and pacifiers… Till then, Fuck Off!” She cackled at herself. “Let’s watch a movie or something while we pack.”  

Hi to all my like minded peeps. I thought I would talk a little about myself, where I have come from and where I hope to be going. I'm not sure where this will go but as time permits I will add. But for now. I'm a guy from Durban South Africa, I'm 44, happily married for 19 years with two daughters age 14 and 11 respectively. I own my own automotive workshop. I have been into nappies for a long time. I can't as some can say that I remember liking nappies before my teens bit I can certainly say that I remember once at the age of probably 13 or 14 going to the local supermarket and buying some baby nappies. This was after I found a used (I know it disgusting) baby nappy on the side walk. I picked it up and took it home with me and tried it. I have no idea what I was thinking at the time and what actually drew me to the nappy. Anyway, so I went and bought a pack of baby nappies and hid them under my bed mattress. After they were finished I never thought about them again. Fast forward to about 6 years ago. I had a job where I traveled my region extensively by car and would spend one or two nights away. At some point I saw adult nappies and without thinking I bought them and tried them out. It was amazing. So I started wearing on and off secretly. Then about 3 or 4 years ago, I got to the point where I needed to tell someone. I didn't want to hide it from my wife any longer. So I got the courage up and told my wife. As everyone says when telling someone. There were lots of questions etc. She was accepting initially then wasn't then she was then she wasn't. This went on and on. Everytime we spoke about it we would fight. I was even accused of only wanting to talk about it. But in my view when one has unresolved issues one wants to talk it out. Over the years I have tired getting my wife to be apart of this by asking her to put me in my nappies or by asking howy nappy is. Small things. I even got "theres a baby in my bed" to help me and my wife to understand this side of me better. To her credit she started reading but became angry and refused to read any further. She said it was very one sided. So time went by and i eventually approached the subject again. (by the way all through this time I have been wearing on and off and around her and around the house). I asked her how she is doing with me and my nappies. She said she has accepted it but still doesn't want anything to do with it. Going back a bit she gave me some rules. Most importantly was to hid it from our girls and family. Which I have done really well. Since then upto now I do feel my wife has slowly been more and more accepting. Just recently I went to her scared as hell and asked her to put a nappy on my. She said she would try. She put it on me with my guidance. Not very well but the point is she did it. Since I have asked her twice more and she has obliged. This has got me bit confused. Why I say this is because where is she in me wearing nappies? I want to talk to her just to see where she is but it scares me. For the simple reason, I don't want to fight with her or be accused of only wanting to talk about my nappies. I have taken a lot up in supporting my wife in the day to day running of the house. I always check on her to see if she OK and I always try my best to make her feel loved. I have for a long time felt that it's a one way relationship because I try support her as much as I can and she doesn't want to support me in the one thing I would love for her to support me in. She does support me in other ways. But for obvious reasons that's not what I am looking for. I suppose I will have to bite the bullet and speak to her again. Anyway that's about all the time I have. Just needed to speak my mind. Thanks for reading.

The Woes of Maddison Page Prologue - Monday, The Week Before Christmas Break - Mom was sitting on the couch in the living room spaced out. She’d had another feverish afternoon buzzing around cleaning up an already spotless house. She also cooked us a meal that was way too big for the two of us, again. I swear Mom had to have imagined dirt to clean and mouths to feed! Daddy had never pushed her to keep the house that clean or cook that much. He’d been just as happy with take out as the next guy. Mom did this. She did this to herself somehow. It was just after we lost Daddy that these tics started showing up. Whatever the reason, I’m pretty sure we could have eaten off the picture frames in the hallway, the house was that damn clean. Hell, I bet the FDA would have approved eating off our floors! Our house was that clean! You’d never believe the woman sitting on my couch worked full time, cooked for an army, and cleaned house like a full crew all before seven. She just looked too cute in her PJs. Mom was crashing hard after her long day. She was just sitting there looking adorable watching Adventure Time. It was my senior year of high school and we were in the off season of cross country. I was done. My high school athletic career was over. No more practices for me, so I was getting home around three of four in the evenings. It was a big improvement over six or so that I’d drag in after practice. I’d finished my homework as soon as I got home, and moved on to other tasks. I finally felt like I had time to properly prepare for school and my job with sports no longer a draw on my time. It was a treat not to be so rushed! I wasn’t working that night either, so I decided to be productive another way. No time like the present to get the adult stuff done! I had my laptop setup on the kitchen table working my way through this month’s bills. You have to be careful or it will really pile up on you. Besides, someone had to do it and Mom wasn’t ever going to be the best candidate. Mom and I were paid on different schedules. I was paid twice a month, once on the fifteenth and then again on the thirtieth. Mom was paid every two weeks. You have to keep up with that stuff! It makes it tricky to pay bills when your income isn’t as predictable as the due dates, but I kept on top of it. I’ve been paying our bills and managing our budget for the last three years. It was much easier to just break everything down to the first and the sixteenth right after I got paid. Then, I’d pay it all and didn’t have to worry until the next half of the month came around. This month’s stuff was stacked neatly in two piles representing two different excel worksheets in the master budget workbook that I kept. Three years in the Microsoft Office Certification electives at my high school were actually coming in handy! My spreadsheet was pretty elaborate. It’s a real shame I didn’t have a good backup plan going. “Honey, are you done with the paperwork yet?” Mom called from the living room. She called everything from my homework to reading the mail the ‘paperwork’. “Almost, I just balanced our checking accounts. I just need to deduct the bills and pay stuff online real fast.” I replied. “Will you bring me sumpin ta drink when you come this way?” Mom yelled. “You bet. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” I told her. Electronic Bill Pay is a Godsend! I didn’t even have to keep up with stamps anymore. I just created a new payee and boom, they got their money. It really streamlined how I managed our finances. I checked my notes and vowed again to read up on mom’s retirement plan. I just didn’t understand 401k’s enough for my own satisfaction. So, I typed a note on my digital calendar reminding me to look into it. I blew out a tired breath. I’d be leaving for college soon, and I really wanted to make sure mom would be taken care of. I might not be living with her, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t keep up with this stuff for her. The bills were the easy part, now at least. I could do it from a dorm room too. “Momma, looks like Wellington’s will be out to top off the gas early next week. We have that covered, but it will be a bit tight till the eighteenth when you get paid.” I shouted from the kitchen. I paused and asked, “Are you going to be home to take the invoice and pay them? It should be Monday or Tuesday.” “Baby, I’m still good in savings, right? If something comes up, you can just transfer some money over with your phone thingy, ya?” Mom yelled back. “Yup. I put it on your phone too. I added air filters to the Walmart list.” I told her. “I’ll make sure I’m available for the gas guy honey. I’ll just run home from work. They usually call before they show up. That should give me time to get home. “Come sit with me awhile before you go up to your bedroom baby.” Mom patted the couch next to her. Mom must have needed some cuddle time. She’s the short petite kind of woman, you know straight up tiny. I look just like an upsized version of her which is odd, her being older and all. Dad had a lot of height and width. He had been just a big ole teddy bear of a guy, but looked like he could have played football! Apparently, Mom’s look dominated my genes because I was petite too, but I got dad’s height. In fact, I’ve been taller than mom since I was twelve. I entered the living room and gave her the once over before I went to her. She had her dark hair up in a high off center ponytail that was draped over the back of the couch. Mom kept her hair longer than I liked mine, and being the size of a high school kid made her hair look even longer. She was wearing the bugs bunny footed sleeper that I’d bought her last Christmas causing me to smile at my cutie mom. “Here ya go Momma.” I told her giving her the hard plastic cup with a screw on lid and hard plastic straw, her living room cup. I had a sudden instinct to remind her to put it in the sink when she was done. I guess it was because of how she was dressed and the show she was watching, but I didn’t really need to. She’d probably clean it and put it back in the cabinet before she went to bed. God knows, it wouldn’t be dirty long! Her PJs didn’t have a hood with the ears or the poofy tail that the new ones did, but it did have the coloring and the rabbit feet. Mom had a new set of PJs wrapped up under the Christmas tree. I got her a Sylvester the cat set that came complete with tail, paw looking feet, and a hoodie topped with cat ears. She was going to love the two piece sleeper and I was really excited to see her open it! The PJ set wasn’t the most expensive gift I’d gotten her, but I was making sure she opened it first. She’d likely wear it the rest of the day. There was a good chance that would be her favorite gift. She was going to smile and squeal like a kid, which would make my heart swell. I nearly teared up thinking about her being so happy. We both worked hard to make sure we got those moments. Mom only dressed her age when she was at work. At home, all bets were off. She is still small enough to wear anything from tween to small adult things. It did, and still does, suit her sense of style. She keeps an immaculate house like a fifties house wife, but she’s just a kid at heart. Her bed had more stuffed animals than pillows on it! It wasn’t uncommon for mom to pass out on a teddy bear instead of a pillow. I had bought her a big fluffy stuffed rabbit the first Valentine’s Day after dad passed. I just wanted her to have something positive to hold onto that day. She’s been known to sit round the living room in her PJs holding it vegging out to whatever was on TV. That night she was snuggling one of the couch throw pillows sitting cross legged watching Adventure Time. Looking at her made me smile. I knew I wasn’t a real adult yet. I didn't’ feel like one either, but that wasn’t for lack of responsibility or trials. It was only a function of age and attitude. I envied mom sometimes. I wish I could relax as hardcore as she does. Work hard and play hard and all that. I sat with mom for a commercial-less DVR’d episode of Survivor. She never fought for the remote, but it was often on the satellite channel for Adult Swim whenever I took it over. She knew I wouldn’t sit there and watch those brainless cartoons with her, so she just handed over the remote when I sat down. She enjoys watching TV with me, but I’m pretty sure it has more to do with me than what we are watching. I’m positive she genuinely liked survivor though. When Jeff said “Next time on Survivor”, I headed upstairs to shower after kissing mom goodnight. Hurrah for skips! I always feel like a commercial assassin, my weapon of choice – the remote. I hate ads! I ran through the shower down stairs, packed my lunch for tomorrow, texted mom my work hours for the next couple of days, and headed up to my bedroom. It was as spotless as the rest of the house. Long ago, I had decided that the lack of privacy was worth mom keeping everything in order. I had nothing to hide from her anyway. I had a single drawer in my in-closet-dresser that is set aside as “private space”. She tells me she doesn’t go in that drawer, but I don’t keep much in there, just in case. Frankly, I just didn’t have anything I that would bother me if mom saw it. Between Cross Country and Track, homework, actual work, and the house finances, I just didn’t have time to clean. Forget about time to get into normal teenage trouble! I’m an old soul, or so I’ve been told. I would be graduating in a few months with four hundred other students, and I was currently ranked fourth in my class academically. I had become very Type-A. I didn’t have the best ACT score at thirty, but I was determined to get the most scholarship offers, so I applied for everything! I sat down at my desk and turned my attention to toward that goal. I started flipping through all the different college materials on my desk checking the due dates for entrance exams, ACT score submissions, finical aid info, and the like. Eventually, I sat back in my desk chair and puffed air through my bangs. I’d finally turned my hyper focused mind off about eleven pm, but it took a melatonin tablet to do it. I waited about ten minutes until I was good and under the influence. Then, I tried to work up the energy to get up and lay down on my bed, but the smell of my life going down in flames rolled into the room on a cloud of gray smoke from under my door. The Woes of Maddison Page Chapter 1 – My Hair Still Smells Like Smoke - Wednesday Morning - “Maddisonnnn.” Mandy Page whined through the bathroom door at her seventeen year old daughter. “We’ve got to go by Walmart for some panties, toothbrushes, and other stuff. Get off the pot and let’s go. Move it baby!” Mom whined at me. Her attempt at assertiveness failed miserably. She didn’t fool anyone. Even after everything we’d been through the last few days, her sad little attempt at parenting me made me smile. Tiger Mom she was not! “Momma.” I replied as respectfully as possible, which wasn’t as respectful as I’d normally have been. It was seriously hard not to laugh at her! “I don’t want to yell at you through the door, crack it alright?” I begged her tears forming in my eyes and a clearly quivering voice as my mood shifted dramatically. My back suddenly lanced pain through every nerve ending in my spine. My mood followed. “Listen baby, I know all of this is awful, but...” Mom said peeking into the bathroom inadvertently interrupting herself. Tears started streaming from my mother’s eyes when she saw me. It was an admittedly pitiful sight. “Oh My God, Baby my hair still smells like smoke! Oh Maddie, it’s all gone! Everything! All of Quentin’s pictures. Oh!” Mom dissolved into a pool of sorrow in the bathroom floor of our La Quinta Inn Suite. I was usually the strong one, but I was a straight up hot mess. I wanted to comfort her. She had mistaken my pain for sorrow, for trauma. I wanted to go to her, and hug her until all of our tears were spent. I couldn’t though. I was stuck on the damn toilet in desperate need of comforting myself. Mom’s breakdown took my painful tears down her emotional path with her. Then we were both bawling. Sometimes life finds fun new ways to kick you in the lady balls when you’re down. Not being able to help mom was a serious blow to my budding adult sized ego. I hurt everywhere and my lady balls had been kicked so much they were totally demolished! I needed to be the strong one like I’d always had been, but it just wasn’t happening that morning. I was only seventeen after all, but mom had been relying on me for a few years. Our dynamic had shifted after dad passed. I just sort of assumed his role at the house while mom healed. She’s just not built to be alone, or in charge for that matter. I thank God every day for the strength he gave me to support her back then, and I thank him for the purpose he granted me when I needed one. ‘Monkey Balls! I’ve even been keeping the checkbook and paying bills for almost three years now, I’m better than this! Get your shit together Girl!’ I gave myself an angry pep-talk. It’s not like mom wasn’t smart enough to pay our bills or balance the checkbook, but Daddy always handled those things for her. He worked and took care of the financial side of things. She had a debit card on the checking account and just brought Daddy the receipts. He kept her life simple because she likes it that way. He did it for her, so I had too. Dad had a budget and what not, so mom knew what was available for monthly toilet paper, groceries, and stuff, but she didn’t have any idea when we paid bills or how much we paid. She didn’t even know what bills had to be paid anymore. I did though, and I took care of them for years afterward too. I missed my Dad more and more with every passing day, and all of the sudden our memories of him were buried in a pile of ash where our home once stood. Every photo album, every framed picture, and even all the digital pictures that weren’t on Facebook were gone. I didn’t even make it out with my cell phone much less my laptop. It really crushed my heart. I was going to be right in the middle of this insurance claim, the city officials, and the financials on this house fire too. Just one more item in the overwhelming list of crap I had to keep up with. Worse, none of the officials would want to talk to me because I’m a year short on the year tally to be an “Adult”. There’d be a lot of relaying stuff through Mom. It’s not like I cared if she knew what was going on, but it was my job to keep things simple and easy for her. She is an awesome mother, but she seems to thrive when things around her are simple at home. No one can praise a child like my mother can. She related so well to me at every age and through every milestone. She was always right there in the floor with me. We colored. We watched cartoons. We played. We read. We did homework. We swam. We tickled. We had sleepovers and mom was always the star of the party. After Dad died though, I aged. I moved on into my teens and left mom in her footed PJs watching Cartoon Network happy to just be. I’d do anything for her. I’d protect her peace with everything I had! After all, a girl should keep her promises, especially those made over their father’s casket… I may have had the best childhood any kid could ever ask for, at least until dad. We weren’t loaded or anything, but mom’s demeanor almost forced the people around her into a happier simpler mood. She is a force of peaceful love. Her love is tangible, and I fought my teenaged hardest to make sure her light shined for everyone to see. Unfortunately, that laid a heavy burden on me, but it was a burden that I carried voluntarily. Worse though, it was my senior year in high school. I was totally booked up on time already. Paying the bills and watching the budget wasn’t as hard as you might think on my time, but it sure added a layer of worry to my life. Worry that none of my friends had to deal with, but I was ok with that it was my life. I chose to step in for Daddy, no one chose it for me. I wouldn’t let anyone take it from me either. My mind flooded with all the things that needed to be done. “Oh, Mommy!” I sobbed filled with crushing despair thick in the bathroom. “Oh, Baby!” She balled. I listed off all off the calls I needed to make to begin fixing this debacle. I cried to her about how I had to use the hotel phone to do it all, but I couldn’t stay in the office area of the suite long enough to finish a call before I was back in the bathroom. I couldn’t get anything done and it was adding to my sense of hopelessness. ‘Enough! Maddison get your crap together. You swore to Daddy that you’d protect her. You’re hurting her. Listen to her!’ I gave myself a hell of a motivational speech, but it fell on deaf internal ears. Mom came crawling over to me from where she’d collapsed to the floor, still in tears. I was sitting there with my shorts and panties down around my ankles stuck on the toilet like I had been for most of the past day and a half. She struggled up and hugged me fiercely despite my state of undress. We slowly got our shit back together. “Momma I’m so sorry about that. I guess I kinda lost it there.” I said gathering the strands of my resolve. “Oh Maddie,” my mom cooed with the weight of the world on her shoulders. “You are absolutely the best daughter any mother could hope for. You saved me when Daddy passed. You’ve been helping with everything sense then too. Don’t think I don’t know how much of your paycheck goes in my account.” I gave her a sad smile that told her that I knew I was caught. Mom worked in the back office for a medical billing company. They handled the collections for smaller firms like general practitioners or smaller surgical clinics that weren’t affiliated with a hospital system. Mom has a sweet voice and a tender disposition. She was perfect for first contact. She was horrible at the follow up collection calls. Sometimes I forget that she can put on office clothes and carry on like an adult at work. ‘Oops. Guess she’s not always Momma like she is at home.’ I thought. I had a nearly full time job with Tractor Supply Company, almost forty hours a week. Mom made decent money and could cover most of the bills. Dad’s retirement and his life insurance helped us even more, but I moved about half my check to the house account to cover my little car payment. I paid the insurance payments for both of our cars. Essentially, I paid for myself out of mom’s account, but I had thought she never really looked at it. I thought I was being clever, but in hindsight, I wouldn’t have left those duties to a thirteen year old either. She had let me “help” for almost four years, but I was certain, even back then, that she really didn’t check things that often. She wanted someone else to handle those things for her. So when I proved I could, she’d let me. We would never have had any money for new things or entertainment if I asked mom to cover my car, insurance, and other senior stuff. I bought my own clothes for the same reason. I thought I was being sneaky and leaving mom where she would be when I went off to college. That way it would be an easier transition for her, and I suppose that was still true. She just wasn’t quite as oblivious to it as I thought. ‘Guess I’m not as sneaky as I thought I was.’ I conceded. I could handle all the bills online. Mom had added me as an authorized decision maker on everything she could. Until I hit 18, our hands were tied in some places. She’d work, cook, clean, and not have to be burdened with anything else except an occasional “yes, I do” on the phone or a signature here and there. She relied on me handling those decisions for her. Daddy was doing his best to take care of us from beyond the grave, but mom would likely always have to work. It was probably for the best. Too much free time and that level of grief might have been the ruin of her. “It’s better for both of us this way. I have a sense of what income I’m going to need at state, and I don’t have any chores anyway. I’m kinda spoiled and this lets me contribute. Plus, you won’t have to adjust your budget when I leave for college. I can keep taking care of things from up there too.” I try to joke through my pesky tears. “Maddison, you don’t even have to clean your room! I do everything around the house honey. You are very spoiled.” Mom elbowed me. Then she threw on a very serious face. “I know things will change when you go off to State. I’m going to miss you so much. This is just the worst time for all this to happen! Maybe we should just get an apartment or something.” I hugged my mom and flushed the toilet. I was used to being the backbone of my little family. Being this angry and this scared just made me want to cry in frustration, but crying just pisses me off more. It was becoming a cycle feeding on itself and I needed to put a stop to it. I stood up and pulled my shorts and panties back up my slender hips. Then, I sat down next to her on the hotels bathtub wall. I gave my mom a powerful side hug, as much to bolster my courage as to reaffirm hers. “Pfft, you’ll probably see more of me in college than you do right now. If my scholarships come through, I’ll only have to work for my car, gas, and food. I’m going to try and pull enough hours to do that during the week and have the weekends at home for homework and Momma time.” “Really Maddie, you really are? Ewe, I hope you can. Oh, I’m going to miss you so much. I’ll do your laundry.” Mom sobs against my shoulder. “I promise to find a way to help you at school baby. I don’t want your next four years to be like the last few have been. As soon as the fire department makes their report, the home owners will kick in. It’ll get better Maddie, you just wait and see.” “I hope it’s soon. I don’t know how I’m going to keep up with school, college, the bills, and the fire stuff without a phone or a computer Momma.” I confessed to her as my shoulders slumped in defeat. Suddenly, I remembered the crispy computer held our budget, account information, and bank records. I immediately start listing things off building To-Do lists in my head. I had to rebuild all of that from memory, or at least enough of it to make a list of people to call. “How are your little legs honey?” Mom asked as she grabbed my bad leg and sat it in her lap to inspect it. Both of my legs were bruised and cut up pretty badly, but my right leg was at least sprained, possibly broken. I’d bailed out of my bedroom window after all! The smoke had come barreling under my door and I confess to shrieking like a blonde in a slasher movie before jumping for my life. - Back to Monday Night - I smelled the smoke as I saw it billowing out under my door. The scene stunned me for a moment, but I quickly got my wits together and tested the doorknob. Finding it hot, I raced over to my bed and battled the paint-stuck window. I finally jerked it open with a loud wooden thud. I moved back to my door and yelled “Fire” at the top of my lungs three or four times. I hoped that was enough to wake my mom. I was afraid she’d passed out on the couch watching TV and would never wake up again. That was a paralyzing thought. I snapped out of it, and I snagged my pillow with the Power Puff Girls pillow case on it. I chunked it out the window onto our hedges directly below my window. My bedroom was on the third floor, and it was a good distance to the ground from up there. The hedges around my side of our house were old, dense, and about six foot tall, not the best landing zone, but beggars and choosers and what not. I took a labored freighted breath, and slid out of my window. I tried to “fall” out onto my pillow, but only my left leg found it. My right leg fell straight into the hedge tearing it up and wrenching my leg in unnatural directions. I teetered off the top of the hedge and fell down to the ground butt-first in one long continuous action. I hit hard directly on my tailbone. I ended up on the ground with my right leg all bruised and torn up. My hedgerow idea sucked. ‘I guess it could have been worse. At least I didn’t just land on my feet and break a bunch of bones, but this feels almost as bad.’ I imagined. My left butt cheek was pretty banged up too. My lower back was bothering me fiercely from hitting the ground so hard. I felt blackness dancing at the edges of my sight. ‘I guess falling or flinging myself out of the window onto the hedge during my escape wasn’t the best idea. Gotta get my shit together and find out if mom got out. Just as soon as I can convince myself I can walk.’ My right wrist was throbbing from trying to catch myself both in the hedge and on the ground. I was torn up and bleeding everywhere but my left leg that the pillow had protected from the worst of it. It wasn’t a bad list of injuries for a major house fire and two story flight from a third story window! I finally managed to talk my battered body into getting up. I hobbled across the road to the Johnson’s house carrying my stupid pillow. I have no idea why I didn’t just leave it there on the lawn, but I didn’t. I had to get to our emergency location, and mom just had to be there. I clutched my stupid childish pillow tightly, because seriously, the entire neighborhood needed to see Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup! I guess comfort was more important to me than anything else right then, and that pillow had been with me for years. I rounded the corner of my house skirting the heat from the fire. I made it across the road and collapsed in the Johnson’s front yard. My leg wasn’t working right and Mom wasn’t where I wanted her to be, and I think I might have passed out in shock. The next thing I knew, a pair of strong arms was picking me up. I opened my eyes to see Mr. Johnson smiling down at me. “Oh thank God Maddison.” He hugged me close to him and screamed for my mom who was standing in front of our house trying to get to me. She got her only injuries from standing too close to the fire yelling for me to jump to safety. It was sort of stupidly heroic. “Oh My God Maddie, My Baby!” She bellowed running back to me across the road wearing her beat up Bugs Bunny jumper. “Hey Momma.” I grunted out around the pain and confusion. The four of us collapsed to the ground again in a huddle of hugs and reassurances. Sal and Jenny Johnson were our emergency contacts and location. The older neighbors had helped us a great deal since Dad. The four of us sat there on the lawn and watched the hungry fire devour our home while waiting on the professionals to arrive. I’ll always remember that night, but the thing that stood out the most was the fire was so hot I could feel it from across the road. The Woes of Maddison Page Chapter 2 – My Bipolar Bladder - Later that Monday Night - The fire department arrived within eight minutes of mom placing the call from the Johnson’s front yard. It hadn’t made much difference. The old place went right before our very eyes up like dried popsicle sticks. Smoke under my door to the four corner posts of the house falling into the basement only took twenty-eight minutes. Well that what I guessed based on the quick scan of my alarm clock on the way out of my window. When the posts fell I marked the time on mom’s watch just after she assaulted me in our neighbor’s front yard. Twenty-Eight minutes and everything we had been destroyed. Twenty-Eight minutes and our lives were forever changed. Twenty-Eight minutes between life before the fire and life after the fire. “Something in the kitchen went up first baby.” Mom babble to me still in her Bugs Bunny sleeper. She was terrified that I had been stuck and caught in the blaze and it was hard for her to believe I was going to be okay. “It was just so horrible. I couldn’t get to you! I was so scared! Nothing was on, and I was in the living room watching the TV. Then fire raced up the stairwell and I couldn’t get to the stairs. I couldn’t get to you!” She bellowed. “I can’t believe you’re ok. You are ok aren’t you? I was so scared Maddison. All I could think of was you were stuck up there in the fire. I thought I had lost you baby.” She whispered that last part to me and cried. It dawned on her that I likely had a problem getting down from the third floor. Mom frantically freed me from Mr. Johnson’s strong grasp and laid me out on the plush carpet of their manicured lawn. She started running her hands over me asking what hurt as she ran through her first aid training. I remember looking around laying there wondering if their sprinklers would come on while I lay on the grass. Shock does weird things to the mind. That, and mom looked kind of ridiculous checking me for wounds in those bunny footie pajamas. My right leg and arm were bleeding pretty badly. I was cut up all over the place, but my left hand was just scuffed up a little. Mom looked around and put my childlike pillow under my head. ‘I love this pillow and its childish pillow case. I’m kind of glad something from my old life survived. Plus, who likes sleeping on someone else’s pillow? This shall be my squishy!’ I declared mentally channeling my inner Dori. I decided that if mom was ok out there in her goofy PJs then I cherish my old pillow. “Honey, does your head hurt at all? Did you hit your head?” Mom asked me retaining bits and pieces of her emergency classes. “Mandy, the ambulance is here darlin.” The grandmotherly Mrs. Jenny addressed Mom. She had called them while mom was yelling at the fire to let me go. “Ma’am, please step back and speak to my partner Frank. I’ll check on your sister right there.” The EMT told her pointing to his partner. “That’s Maddison, she’s my daughter.” Mom supplied the EMT staggering meekly over to Frank. ‘That’s funny! PJs got ya Mom.’ I chuckled to myself. “Maddison, tell me what happened...” The EMT started, but I don’t really remember the last half of that sentence. I know I answered his questions, but the pain wiped away most of my memory. My next memory was from the ambulance for just a few moments. It was long enough to see mom sitting next to me and that I was strapped onto a gurney. She was talking to the EMT that had checked me out. I remember hearing mom was going to be fine. She’d only had some mild burns on her hands and forearms trying to get to me through the fire. I, on the other hand, needed a trip to the hospital for x-rays, stitches, and who knew what else. - Wednesday - Mom checked “my little legs” and we made our way back to our hotel bed. That whole window-flying hospital-staying experience was sitting at a nine out of ten on the suck-O-meter. In my short life only losing Dad had sucked worse, that had been a solid ten out of ten. I sat down heavily on the hotel bed trying to hold my leg up from the recoil, but my back wasn’t putting up with a slow descent. Mom put my bad right leg up on a stack of pillows to elevate it, cause Dr.’s orders, but my back was hurting no matter how I laid. I didn’t want to go to the store with mom. In fact, I really didn’t want to move at all. I hurt everywhere! It felt like how I imagined being in a car wreck would feel, and I was totally prepared to throw a fit about getting up again. ‘Maddie – 0, Gravity - 1 – Well done gravity! You have surely kicked my ass.’ I chuckled at my own stupid internal commentary. “Momma, I don’t want to go with you.” I whined. “ It’s freezing out there, and I can’t wear pants with this leg splint thing.” Then a tingle in my lady bits hit me again. “Plus, it seems I need to use the bathroom. Again! I shouldn’t have even left. ARGH!” I groused. ‘Why can’t the eff’n toilet be friggin cushioned or something? I need one of those gunshot-in-the-ass pillows from TV.’ I mumbled pushing up out of bed. ‘Of all the leftovers from my two story flight, my bipolar bladder had to be my least favorite.’ I thought. “Honey, you just went, literally moments ago. I’m sure you’ll be fine.” The concern flooded mom’s face while she waved her hands around. I couldn’t help it. I began to cry, “Dammit, I know momma, and it hurts so bad when I get up. Please help me back in there. I’ll just fucking sit on the toilet for the rest of my goddamn life. Maybe I can fold up some towels to sit on.” I lamented. I was filled with exhaustion and aggravation, and my poor attitude got the better of my vocabulary. I hardly ever cuss, out loud at least, but I was tired of… everything. I was exhausted. I threw myself a well-deserved pity party. I’d just have to feel bad about biting mom’s head off later, but being a God fearing young lady from the south, I knew I would be mortified at my own behavior later. How many seventeen year old girls do you know that work thirty plus hours a week, go to school, run cross country at a state level, maintain a 4.16 GPA? I was trying my damnedest to get into the best school I could afford for my bachelors. Now I had to do all that while trying to piece our life back together from the pieces the demon of a fire took from me. Not to mention all the responsibility I picked up after Dad passed, and now my bipolar bladder was forcing my injured back into service it wasn’t apparently prepared to give. I sighed and got up. As always, I was doing my best, and I was way too stubborn to give up. While I wallowed in my own pity, mom helped me up off the bed. I made it vertical with a weight lifters grunt, and I shuffled on to the bathroom by myself. I really needed that tiny bit of independence, but I just left the door open this time since I couldn’t talk to mom if I closed it anyway. I looked at my sickly pale complexion in the bathroom mirror while sitting on the toilet. I stared at it for a solid minute before deciding that the crew of The Walking Dead would have to put color on me to let me shamble on their set! Mom had seen my perky butt a million times, and we were bunked in this one bed suite with little to no privacy anyway. Modesty just didn’t matter to me anymore, at least where my mom was concerned. So, I just left the damn door wide open. ‘God I look horrible. I look like a disabled vampire with coffin head.’ My morbid sense of humor supplied. ‘I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.’ I mentally quoted one of my favorite books. I had my bad leg stretched out in front of me with my panties around that ankle. ‘I wish I could figure out how to prop it up on the tub and leave it there. This would be way more comfortable.’ I thought while playing around with it unsuccessfully. We’d only been in this suite for a couple days, but it was already wearing on me. I was hurting not wanting to move, but I was cagey and wanting to get out of there. Nothing was mine. Nothing was the same. I couldn’t get anything done without my stuff. I was already battling the senior everything-is-changing-stress, but this was just too much. ‘I have nothing. I mean technically our cars are just singed, but drivable. Bubbly paint doesn’t keep the car from going. The cars were a crispy silver lining I guess.’ I took a stab at cheering myself up. It didn’t work. “Mommy, I don’t know what’s going on inside me.” I broke down again feeling the overwhelming emotional weight of my situation. I needed my mommy, and like always she was right there ready and willing to bend reality for me just like I do for her. I cried into my hands in the bathroom of a hotel with all my dreams falling away in tears and ashes. Seriously, I was conjuring scenarios in my mind where I’d have to stay with mom in an apartment and take care of her for some reason, or a ton of different scenarios where college never happened. My overactive imagination was jumping down every horrible situation I could dream up. I was spiraling. It’s wasn’t one of my finest moments. “What do you mean honey.” Mom sounded petrified. She needed me sure, but right then she had no idea how to help me. “I just went to the bathroom. I mean, I barely peed at all, but I felt like I couldn’t hold it anymore as soon as I sat down. It was hurting to hold it while I walked in here. It felt like I was about to pee all over myself sitting there on the bed. Walking was even scarier. Even when I manage to go a little, the relief doesn’t last long before I’m back at the near pissing myself feeling.” I wailed. “Maddie you didn’t drink anything, and we were only in the other room maybe five minutes. You know there’s nothing in there right? Why don’t you try pushing a little, and I’ll help you lay down again? Then you won’t have to worry.” Mom coached while pointing at my traitorous bladder. “GAWD Momma! I know how to pee. I’m telling you something is wrong. My bladder isn’t full, but I’m tingling like I’m about to wet myself.” I huffed at her while crossing my arms. “Don’t take it out on me young lady! It’s only been a couple days since the fire. Maybe you hurt yourself worse than we thought? I don’t remember talking to the ER guys or the EMTs about bladder stuff. Did you talk to them?” Mom prompted. I dried my eyes with some toilet paper, “No Momma. I’m not even sure it was a thing then. Plus, the pain from the fall was keeping some of this other stuff away. I was hurting too bad to feel the tingle, but it’s all I feel now! And… I’m sorry for yelling.” I conceded hanging my head. Mom sighed and looked down. The look on her face told me her fear had elevated. “Baby, your panties are a little wet. Do you know when that happened?” She asked me still staring down at the condition of my underwear with a patient look of concern in her loving eyes. “They’re WHAT!” I sobbed anew. “It’s not much honey. Maybe you just went a little when you stood up. It looked like it hurt. Ha! that happens to me all the time. Peeing a little here and there happens to a lot of girls. I’ve had to wear a heavy pad since you were born.” Mom offered. It did hurt, but I had no idea that I’d “leaked.” The thought was simply terrifying. ‘OMG!’ “Have you ever held it so long that your control was literally bouncing. You’d flexed the muscles so long they would contract and relax, like a pulse you don’t have control over. That feeling of you have literally one moment longer before there’s a mess to clean up. When your bladder says a rowdy Fuck You and dumps its load without your consent?” I begged her to understand. Mom nodded. “That’s how I’m feeling all the time right now. It’s exhausting and it’s killing my already pissed off back.” I groused. In another fit of age-inappropriate mental fatigue, I dramatically kicked my underwear and shorts off of my bad leg with the good one. I needed the wet panties as far away from me as possible. Mom took some toilet paper and wiped the tears from my face, and started a bath. “I’ll go to Wally World by myself honey. You said your back was hurting, so you just take a nice long hot bath and enjoy all this never ending hotel hot water. Mommy will be right back baby.” She told me visually assessing me for further damage. She wasn’t sure what to do. It seemed like a terrific idea, soaking in the tub. I have always loved to soak in a deep hot bath. Our hot water heater was under too much demand and way too old to keep up with a deep water baths at home. Suddenly, I was excited that I could soak, then shave, and have enough hot water to shower off too. ‘I’ll finally feel human again, at least until I had to resume my porcelain vigilance.’ I sighed. ‘What the hell is going on with me?! Mom’s still got to make that Wal-Mart run, but at least she seems willing to make it on her own now. I’m just glad I don’t have to go and that she can get to her checking account. Fuck!’ I shouted internally. I’d forgotten that I couldn’t “submerge” my leg. Mom had grabbed her purse on the way out the front door of our former home. She still had her debit and credit cards. Thank the Lord! If she’d lost those too, we’d have no access to the meager funds we currently had available. As it was, I only had temporary checks on my account. Work had given me the week off paid. That was super nice of my boss, and the old jerk wasn’t known for his super niceness. Mom had taken the week off too. She wasn’t fortunate enough for bonus unpaid leave though. She had to burn the rest of her vacation and sick/personal days. She wouldn’t be off around Christmas now. That realization hit me hard. “Oh momma, all your Christmas presents were already under the tree, and I can’t take a bath cause of the stitches.” I cried yet again feeling the weight of our loss. My emotions were all over the place. I knew it, and still couldn’t stop it. That just pissed me off more. I was really excited to give her the Sylvester Jumper set. It was the pivotal part of her Christmas. Mom still had what was left of the Bugs footed sleeper, but I don’t think she would be sleeping in it anymore. It probably reminded her of the fire, and neither of us wanted that. My resolve hardened again. Mom would have the Sylvester jumper set for Christmas! With that goal I rediscovered my strength, if only temporarily.

Hi, So while I've had an account here for a long time I've never been all that active. A couple years ago my life changed, and I became a regular posted on a crossdressing forum. I posted frequently and once a week I'd do a sort of blog like post about my life and posting pictures. The forum focused on CD support and avoided fetish type content so I did too, which meant I couldn't really be myself. A few weeks ago I made one of my weekly posts and one of my topics was deer hunting, talking in general about it, and the hunting craze that sweeps through my area every November. I went on to discuss that my Dad, who is avid hunter, never involved me in hunting, and I always wondered about it. So anyway I found the post to be heavily edited and modified by a moderator. The moderators were very active, and it wasn't the first time a post was changed, but the reasons were unclear and when I tried to address the reason why my post was edited, I again found my words modified and edited. I had enough and I'm done with that site. I'm missing my weekly post and sharing pictures and what not so I think I'm going to start doing that in this thread, unless someone objects.

i heard that wearing a diaper will make me more happy less stress no depression no antexy is that ture does being diapered make you guys happier?

Hello everyone, familiar and unfamiliar alike. I know it's rare for me to really participate in this community anymore, or write any stories or make any posts. Some of you know I've been dealing with a lot of bad luck lately. My aunt passed away 2 months ago, my car engine died (and thankfully was fixed under warranty), had a girl I was dating essentially tell me the last 3 weeks of us going out was nothing because she didn't really want a relationship anyway. Sounds like average complaints you'd hear from someone, right? And you know what? None of these things compare to what happened this past Monday morning. Bad luck, or fate, or whatever you want to call it, has had a funny way of finding me lately, and this week was no exception. I'm not going to get into the full details in a forum out of respect for the individual (whom I did not know), but I was witness to part of a suicide at the parking garage where I work. Needless to say, it was the scariest and most horrifying thing I've ever seen in my life, and I'm pretty messed up from it. I saw part of what the individual had done and was also the first to find her and respond. I ran into my office and had my coworkers call 911.. I found out a short time later that she ended up not making it, despite our efforts and despite her being alive when the paramedics got to her. I was shaking, I was breathing heavy, and I almost passed out. Dealing with anxiety already, this experience has increased it 100-fold. I'm hardly sleeping, and the images and sounds of what I experienced are constantly replaying in my head. I'm getting help currently, more so than usual, but it is taking its toll. I'm told by the crisis counselors that I may develop some form of PTSD, and that with my current struggle with anxiety that this may exacerbate it further.

Austin is a single father of 4 children: 3 girls and a boy. He worked hard for any and every bit of money he made from working with Lockheed Martin as one of their Chief Safety Engineers. Austin never really had time for his older children. He didn't mean for this to happen, it was just that the younger ones required more attention.

Briefing This is an 80% fiction story about a high school boy who becomes incontinent after a terrible accident. Ther is going to be some humor, some love, some ambitious acts, some plot twists, and mabey some vulgar scenes, depending on what the people want and how I feel. You are ment to feel for the characters, and feel against others. This is a story filled with detail so don't speed read this, just enjoy the ride. This is also my first story so feedback is helpful and greatly appreciated. Also tabs for some reason didn't show up so don't freak out. Some advice on how to fix this issue is appreciated. Prologe Its funny, five little glasses of hard liquor can change a life so drastically, so fast. The change can be never undone. Trust me I know how devastating five shot glasses can be. Being a nice person has its perks but life likes to challenge the strong. Mentally, physically, and psychologically. I am very smart. Strait a's in fact. I am a linemen for the Reno Mustangs varsity football team. Making me very suitable for lifes wrath. On September 17th 2011 my mother lost her life to cancer. Being the fighting irish women she was, she made one hell of a last stand. For 2 years she fought. Life psychologically skrewed me over. Back to those little bastards called shot glasses. They have a reputation for making you have a good time with some friends. Mabey get lucky with a lady. But do it at night, not 6 in the morning. Why? Because you may hit a nice, smart, athletic kid like me with a god damb pickup truck. My name is logan Clanton. I am a brown haired, green eyed, white, 17 year old male. I am 6' 3" and 235 lb. I am a strait A student, very athletic, very affable. I'm strong willed. I guess that comes with being irish. I am in 11th grade, I have a very large variety of friends. Examples of groups I hang out with are the football players, the rednecks, the dorks, the gays, the nerds, the singers, the artists, etc. All in all I am popular at my school. I take an entire class period to help the physically and mentally challenged. I spend my time after school during the fall at football practices and games. During the winter I am at rifle team practice (marksmanship). Spring I spend my time after school fixing computers. I am very involved in my community. I volunteer yearly on thanksgiving at the homeless shelter, and weekly at the nersing home. So when this guy hit me... it wasn't supposed to be me, but the girl I saved from being hit. I give a lot af sacrifices to my community but this one was for the girl I hadn't had the curage to ask out for the 5 years I've known her. I have no clue why I choke every time I make an attempt. I do know one thing though, that sacrifice was worth it.

Hey everyone. I know it's rather rare for me to post much of anything these days, but I am hoping to get some advice from you. This has been driving me crazy for the past month.

I'm roleplaying as a mommy in SL. so if anyone still plays my username is irishdemon

so, i realized that since my first mommy( who was my ex gf).. i have had trouble just keeping a normal relationship down with a new mommy and just having fun. i have had 2 other mommys ( one a ex domme who treated me like her son and the other was

I have the house to myself for the day so perfect for some diaper time, right? Well I decided to check my balance before picking up anything and I had $16,46. Geez, I'm glad I checked but that's just depressing. Buy books and gas is killing me and I will only get $40 on this week's check. At this point I'm just glad I decided to live at home and go to the intown campus instead of the main campus of my community college.