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  1. The Woes of Maddison Page Prologue - Monday, The Week Before Christmas Break - Mom was sitting on the couch in the living room spaced out. She’d had another feverish afternoon buzzing around cleaning up an already spotless house. She also cooked us a meal that was way too big for the two of us, again. I swear Mom had to have imagined dirt to clean and mouths to feed! Daddy had never pushed her to keep the house that clean or cook that much. He’d been just as happy with take out as the next guy. Mom did this. She did this to herself somehow. It was just after we lost Daddy that these tics started showing up. Whatever the reason, I’m pretty sure we could have eaten off the picture frames in the hallway, the house was that damn clean. Hell, I bet the FDA would have approved eating off our floors! Our house was that clean! You’d never believe the woman sitting on my couch worked full time, cooked for an army, and cleaned house like a full crew all before seven. She just looked too cute in her PJs. Mom was crashing hard after her long day. She was just sitting there looking adorable watching Adventure Time. It was my senior year of high school and we were in the off season of cross country. I was done. My high school athletic career was over. No more practices for me, so I was getting home around three of four in the evenings. It was a big improvement over six or so that I’d drag in after practice. I’d finished my homework as soon as I got home, and moved on to other tasks. I finally felt like I had time to properly prepare for school and my job with sports no longer a draw on my time. It was a treat not to be so rushed! I wasn’t working that night either, so I decided to be productive another way. No time like the present to get the adult stuff done! I had my laptop setup on the kitchen table working my way through this month’s bills. You have to be careful or it will really pile up on you. Besides, someone had to do it and Mom wasn’t ever going to be the best candidate. Mom and I were paid on different schedules. I was paid twice a month, once on the fifteenth and then again on the thirtieth. Mom was paid every two weeks. You have to keep up with that stuff! It makes it tricky to pay bills when your income isn’t as predictable as the due dates, but I kept on top of it. I’ve been paying our bills and managing our budget for the last three years. It was much easier to just break everything down to the first and the sixteenth right after I got paid. Then, I’d pay it all and didn’t have to worry until the next half of the month came around. This month’s stuff was stacked neatly in two piles representing two different excel worksheets in the master budget workbook that I kept. Three years in the Microsoft Office Certification electives at my high school were actually coming in handy! My spreadsheet was pretty elaborate. It’s a real shame I didn’t have a good backup plan going. “Honey, are you done with the paperwork yet?” Mom called from the living room. She called everything from my homework to reading the mail the ‘paperwork’. “Almost, I just balanced our checking accounts. I just need to deduct the bills and pay stuff online real fast.” I replied. “Will you bring me sumpin ta drink when you come this way?” Mom yelled. “You bet. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” I told her. Electronic Bill Pay is a Godsend! I didn’t even have to keep up with stamps anymore. I just created a new payee and boom, they got their money. It really streamlined how I managed our finances. I checked my notes and vowed again to read up on mom’s retirement plan. I just didn’t understand 401k’s enough for my own satisfaction. So, I typed a note on my digital calendar reminding me to look into it. I blew out a tired breath. I’d be leaving for college soon, and I really wanted to make sure mom would be taken care of. I might not be living with her, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t keep up with this stuff for her. The bills were the easy part, now at least. I could do it from a dorm room too. “Momma, looks like Wellington’s will be out to top off the gas early next week. We have that covered, but it will be a bit tight till the eighteenth when you get paid.” I shouted from the kitchen. I paused and asked, “Are you going to be home to take the invoice and pay them? It should be Monday or Tuesday.” “Baby, I’m still good in savings, right? If something comes up, you can just transfer some money over with your phone thingy, ya?” Mom yelled back. “Yup. I put it on your phone too. I added air filters to the Walmart list.” I told her. “I’ll make sure I’m available for the gas guy honey. I’ll just run home from work. They usually call before they show up. That should give me time to get home. “Come sit with me awhile before you go up to your bedroom baby.” Mom patted the couch next to her. Mom must have needed some cuddle time. She’s the short petite kind of woman, you know straight up tiny. I look just like an upsized version of her which is odd, her being older and all. Dad had a lot of height and width. He had been just a big ole teddy bear of a guy, but looked like he could have played football! Apparently, Mom’s look dominated my genes because I was petite too, but I got dad’s height. In fact, I’ve been taller than mom since I was twelve. I entered the living room and gave her the once over before I went to her. She had her dark hair up in a high off center ponytail that was draped over the back of the couch. Mom kept her hair longer than I liked mine, and being the size of a high school kid made her hair look even longer. She was wearing the bugs bunny footed sleeper that I’d bought her last Christmas causing me to smile at my cutie mom. “Here ya go Momma.” I told her giving her the hard plastic cup with a screw on lid and hard plastic straw, her living room cup. I had a sudden instinct to remind her to put it in the sink when she was done. I guess it was because of how she was dressed and the show she was watching, but I didn’t really need to. She’d probably clean it and put it back in the cabinet before she went to bed. God knows, it wouldn’t be dirty long! Her PJs didn’t have a hood with the ears or the poofy tail that the new ones did, but it did have the coloring and the rabbit feet. Mom had a new set of PJs wrapped up under the Christmas tree. I got her a Sylvester the cat set that came complete with tail, paw looking feet, and a hoodie topped with cat ears. She was going to love the two piece sleeper and I was really excited to see her open it! The PJ set wasn’t the most expensive gift I’d gotten her, but I was making sure she opened it first. She’d likely wear it the rest of the day. There was a good chance that would be her favorite gift. She was going to smile and squeal like a kid, which would make my heart swell. I nearly teared up thinking about her being so happy. We both worked hard to make sure we got those moments. Mom only dressed her age when she was at work. At home, all bets were off. She is still small enough to wear anything from tween to small adult things. It did, and still does, suit her sense of style. She keeps an immaculate house like a fifties house wife, but she’s just a kid at heart. Her bed had more stuffed animals than pillows on it! It wasn’t uncommon for mom to pass out on a teddy bear instead of a pillow. I had bought her a big fluffy stuffed rabbit the first Valentine’s Day after dad passed. I just wanted her to have something positive to hold onto that day. She’s been known to sit round the living room in her PJs holding it vegging out to whatever was on TV. That night she was snuggling one of the couch throw pillows sitting cross legged watching Adventure Time. Looking at her made me smile. I knew I wasn’t a real adult yet. I didn't’ feel like one either, but that wasn’t for lack of responsibility or trials. It was only a function of age and attitude. I envied mom sometimes. I wish I could relax as hardcore as she does. Work hard and play hard and all that. I sat with mom for a commercial-less DVR’d episode of Survivor. She never fought for the remote, but it was often on the satellite channel for Adult Swim whenever I took it over. She knew I wouldn’t sit there and watch those brainless cartoons with her, so she just handed over the remote when I sat down. She enjoys watching TV with me, but I’m pretty sure it has more to do with me than what we are watching. I’m positive she genuinely liked survivor though. When Jeff said “Next time on Survivor”, I headed upstairs to shower after kissing mom goodnight. Hurrah for skips! I always feel like a commercial assassin, my weapon of choice – the remote. I hate ads! I ran through the shower down stairs, packed my lunch for tomorrow, texted mom my work hours for the next couple of days, and headed up to my bedroom. It was as spotless as the rest of the house. Long ago, I had decided that the lack of privacy was worth mom keeping everything in order. I had nothing to hide from her anyway. I had a single drawer in my in-closet-dresser that is set aside as “private space”. She tells me she doesn’t go in that drawer, but I don’t keep much in there, just in case. Frankly, I just didn’t have anything I that would bother me if mom saw it. Between Cross Country and Track, homework, actual work, and the house finances, I just didn’t have time to clean. Forget about time to get into normal teenage trouble! I’m an old soul, or so I’ve been told. I would be graduating in a few months with four hundred other students, and I was currently ranked fourth in my class academically. I had become very Type-A. I didn’t have the best ACT score at thirty, but I was determined to get the most scholarship offers, so I applied for everything! I sat down at my desk and turned my attention to toward that goal. I started flipping through all the different college materials on my desk checking the due dates for entrance exams, ACT score submissions, finical aid info, and the like. Eventually, I sat back in my desk chair and puffed air through my bangs. I’d finally turned my hyper focused mind off about eleven pm, but it took a melatonin tablet to do it. I waited about ten minutes until I was good and under the influence. Then, I tried to work up the energy to get up and lay down on my bed, but the smell of my life going down in flames rolled into the room on a cloud of gray smoke from under my door. The Woes of Maddison Page Chapter 1 – My Hair Still Smells Like Smoke - Wednesday Morning - “Maddisonnnn.” Mandy Page whined through the bathroom door at her seventeen year old daughter. “We’ve got to go by Walmart for some panties, toothbrushes, and other stuff. Get off the pot and let’s go. Move it baby!” Mom whined at me. Her attempt at assertiveness failed miserably. She didn’t fool anyone. Even after everything we’d been through the last few days, her sad little attempt at parenting me made me smile. Tiger Mom she was not! “Momma.” I replied as respectfully as possible, which wasn’t as respectful as I’d normally have been. It was seriously hard not to laugh at her! “I don’t want to yell at you through the door, crack it alright?” I begged her tears forming in my eyes and a clearly quivering voice as my mood shifted dramatically. My back suddenly lanced pain through every nerve ending in my spine. My mood followed. “Listen baby, I know all of this is awful, but...” Mom said peeking into the bathroom inadvertently interrupting herself. Tears started streaming from my mother’s eyes when she saw me. It was an admittedly pitiful sight. “Oh My God, Baby my hair still smells like smoke! Oh Maddie, it’s all gone! Everything! All of Quentin’s pictures. Oh!” Mom dissolved into a pool of sorrow in the bathroom floor of our La Quinta Inn Suite. I was usually the strong one, but I was a straight up hot mess. I wanted to comfort her. She had mistaken my pain for sorrow, for trauma. I wanted to go to her, and hug her until all of our tears were spent. I couldn’t though. I was stuck on the damn toilet in desperate need of comforting myself. Mom’s breakdown took my painful tears down her emotional path with her. Then we were both bawling. Sometimes life finds fun new ways to kick you in the lady balls when you’re down. Not being able to help mom was a serious blow to my budding adult sized ego. I hurt everywhere and my lady balls had been kicked so much they were totally demolished! I needed to be the strong one like I’d always had been, but it just wasn’t happening that morning. I was only seventeen after all, but mom had been relying on me for a few years. Our dynamic had shifted after dad passed. I just sort of assumed his role at the house while mom healed. She’s just not built to be alone, or in charge for that matter. I thank God every day for the strength he gave me to support her back then, and I thank him for the purpose he granted me when I needed one. ‘Monkey Balls! I’ve even been keeping the checkbook and paying bills for almost three years now, I’m better than this! Get your shit together Girl!’ I gave myself an angry pep-talk. It’s not like mom wasn’t smart enough to pay our bills or balance the checkbook, but Daddy always handled those things for her. He worked and took care of the financial side of things. She had a debit card on the checking account and just brought Daddy the receipts. He kept her life simple because she likes it that way. He did it for her, so I had too. Dad had a budget and what not, so mom knew what was available for monthly toilet paper, groceries, and stuff, but she didn’t have any idea when we paid bills or how much we paid. She didn’t even know what bills had to be paid anymore. I did though, and I took care of them for years afterward too. I missed my Dad more and more with every passing day, and all of the sudden our memories of him were buried in a pile of ash where our home once stood. Every photo album, every framed picture, and even all the digital pictures that weren’t on Facebook were gone. I didn’t even make it out with my cell phone much less my laptop. It really crushed my heart. I was going to be right in the middle of this insurance claim, the city officials, and the financials on this house fire too. Just one more item in the overwhelming list of crap I had to keep up with. Worse, none of the officials would want to talk to me because I’m a year short on the year tally to be an “Adult”. There’d be a lot of relaying stuff through Mom. It’s not like I cared if she knew what was going on, but it was my job to keep things simple and easy for her. She is an awesome mother, but she seems to thrive when things around her are simple at home. No one can praise a child like my mother can. She related so well to me at every age and through every milestone. She was always right there in the floor with me. We colored. We watched cartoons. We played. We read. We did homework. We swam. We tickled. We had sleepovers and mom was always the star of the party. After Dad died though, I aged. I moved on into my teens and left mom in her footed PJs watching Cartoon Network happy to just be. I’d do anything for her. I’d protect her peace with everything I had! After all, a girl should keep her promises, especially those made over their father’s casket… I may have had the best childhood any kid could ever ask for, at least until dad. We weren’t loaded or anything, but mom’s demeanor almost forced the people around her into a happier simpler mood. She is a force of peaceful love. Her love is tangible, and I fought my teenaged hardest to make sure her light shined for everyone to see. Unfortunately, that laid a heavy burden on me, but it was a burden that I carried voluntarily. Worse though, it was my senior year in high school. I was totally booked up on time already. Paying the bills and watching the budget wasn’t as hard as you might think on my time, but it sure added a layer of worry to my life. Worry that none of my friends had to deal with, but I was ok with that it was my life. I chose to step in for Daddy, no one chose it for me. I wouldn’t let anyone take it from me either. My mind flooded with all the things that needed to be done. “Oh, Mommy!” I sobbed filled with crushing despair thick in the bathroom. “Oh, Baby!” She balled. I listed off all off the calls I needed to make to begin fixing this debacle. I cried to her about how I had to use the hotel phone to do it all, but I couldn’t stay in the office area of the suite long enough to finish a call before I was back in the bathroom. I couldn’t get anything done and it was adding to my sense of hopelessness. ‘Enough! Maddison get your crap together. You swore to Daddy that you’d protect her. You’re hurting her. Listen to her!’ I gave myself a hell of a motivational speech, but it fell on deaf internal ears. Mom came crawling over to me from where she’d collapsed to the floor, still in tears. I was sitting there with my shorts and panties down around my ankles stuck on the toilet like I had been for most of the past day and a half. She struggled up and hugged me fiercely despite my state of undress. We slowly got our shit back together. “Momma I’m so sorry about that. I guess I kinda lost it there.” I said gathering the strands of my resolve. “Oh Maddie,” my mom cooed with the weight of the world on her shoulders. “You are absolutely the best daughter any mother could hope for. You saved me when Daddy passed. You’ve been helping with everything sense then too. Don’t think I don’t know how much of your paycheck goes in my account.” I gave her a sad smile that told her that I knew I was caught. Mom worked in the back office for a medical billing company. They handled the collections for smaller firms like general practitioners or smaller surgical clinics that weren’t affiliated with a hospital system. Mom has a sweet voice and a tender disposition. She was perfect for first contact. She was horrible at the follow up collection calls. Sometimes I forget that she can put on office clothes and carry on like an adult at work. ‘Oops. Guess she’s not always Momma like she is at home.’ I thought. I had a nearly full time job with Tractor Supply Company, almost forty hours a week. Mom made decent money and could cover most of the bills. Dad’s retirement and his life insurance helped us even more, but I moved about half my check to the house account to cover my little car payment. I paid the insurance payments for both of our cars. Essentially, I paid for myself out of mom’s account, but I had thought she never really looked at it. I thought I was being clever, but in hindsight, I wouldn’t have left those duties to a thirteen year old either. She had let me “help” for almost four years, but I was certain, even back then, that she really didn’t check things that often. She wanted someone else to handle those things for her. So when I proved I could, she’d let me. We would never have had any money for new things or entertainment if I asked mom to cover my car, insurance, and other senior stuff. I bought my own clothes for the same reason. I thought I was being sneaky and leaving mom where she would be when I went off to college. That way it would be an easier transition for her, and I suppose that was still true. She just wasn’t quite as oblivious to it as I thought. ‘Guess I’m not as sneaky as I thought I was.’ I conceded. I could handle all the bills online. Mom had added me as an authorized decision maker on everything she could. Until I hit 18, our hands were tied in some places. She’d work, cook, clean, and not have to be burdened with anything else except an occasional “yes, I do” on the phone or a signature here and there. She relied on me handling those decisions for her. Daddy was doing his best to take care of us from beyond the grave, but mom would likely always have to work. It was probably for the best. Too much free time and that level of grief might have been the ruin of her. “It’s better for both of us this way. I have a sense of what income I’m going to need at state, and I don’t have any chores anyway. I’m kinda spoiled and this lets me contribute. Plus, you won’t have to adjust your budget when I leave for college. I can keep taking care of things from up there too.” I try to joke through my pesky tears. “Maddison, you don’t even have to clean your room! I do everything around the house honey. You are very spoiled.” Mom elbowed me. Then she threw on a very serious face. “I know things will change when you go off to State. I’m going to miss you so much. This is just the worst time for all this to happen! Maybe we should just get an apartment or something.” I hugged my mom and flushed the toilet. I was used to being the backbone of my little family. Being this angry and this scared just made me want to cry in frustration, but crying just pisses me off more. It was becoming a cycle feeding on itself and I needed to put a stop to it. I stood up and pulled my shorts and panties back up my slender hips. Then, I sat down next to her on the hotels bathtub wall. I gave my mom a powerful side hug, as much to bolster my courage as to reaffirm hers. “Pfft, you’ll probably see more of me in college than you do right now. If my scholarships come through, I’ll only have to work for my car, gas, and food. I’m going to try and pull enough hours to do that during the week and have the weekends at home for homework and Momma time.” “Really Maddie, you really are? Ewe, I hope you can. Oh, I’m going to miss you so much. I’ll do your laundry.” Mom sobs against my shoulder. “I promise to find a way to help you at school baby. I don’t want your next four years to be like the last few have been. As soon as the fire department makes their report, the home owners will kick in. It’ll get better Maddie, you just wait and see.” “I hope it’s soon. I don’t know how I’m going to keep up with school, college, the bills, and the fire stuff without a phone or a computer Momma.” I confessed to her as my shoulders slumped in defeat. Suddenly, I remembered the crispy computer held our budget, account information, and bank records. I immediately start listing things off building To-Do lists in my head. I had to rebuild all of that from memory, or at least enough of it to make a list of people to call. “How are your little legs honey?” Mom asked as she grabbed my bad leg and sat it in her lap to inspect it. Both of my legs were bruised and cut up pretty badly, but my right leg was at least sprained, possibly broken. I’d bailed out of my bedroom window after all! The smoke had come barreling under my door and I confess to shrieking like a blonde in a slasher movie before jumping for my life. - Back to Monday Night - I smelled the smoke as I saw it billowing out under my door. The scene stunned me for a moment, but I quickly got my wits together and tested the doorknob. Finding it hot, I raced over to my bed and battled the paint-stuck window. I finally jerked it open with a loud wooden thud. I moved back to my door and yelled “Fire” at the top of my lungs three or four times. I hoped that was enough to wake my mom. I was afraid she’d passed out on the couch watching TV and would never wake up again. That was a paralyzing thought. I snapped out of it, and I snagged my pillow with the Power Puff Girls pillow case on it. I chunked it out the window onto our hedges directly below my window. My bedroom was on the third floor, and it was a good distance to the ground from up there. The hedges around my side of our house were old, dense, and about six foot tall, not the best landing zone, but beggars and choosers and what not. I took a labored freighted breath, and slid out of my window. I tried to “fall” out onto my pillow, but only my left leg found it. My right leg fell straight into the hedge tearing it up and wrenching my leg in unnatural directions. I teetered off the top of the hedge and fell down to the ground butt-first in one long continuous action. I hit hard directly on my tailbone. I ended up on the ground with my right leg all bruised and torn up. My hedgerow idea sucked. ‘I guess it could have been worse. At least I didn’t just land on my feet and break a bunch of bones, but this feels almost as bad.’ I imagined. My left butt cheek was pretty banged up too. My lower back was bothering me fiercely from hitting the ground so hard. I felt blackness dancing at the edges of my sight. ‘I guess falling or flinging myself out of the window onto the hedge during my escape wasn’t the best idea. Gotta get my shit together and find out if mom got out. Just as soon as I can convince myself I can walk.’ My right wrist was throbbing from trying to catch myself both in the hedge and on the ground. I was torn up and bleeding everywhere but my left leg that the pillow had protected from the worst of it. It wasn’t a bad list of injuries for a major house fire and two story flight from a third story window! I finally managed to talk my battered body into getting up. I hobbled across the road to the Johnson’s house carrying my stupid pillow. I have no idea why I didn’t just leave it there on the lawn, but I didn’t. I had to get to our emergency location, and mom just had to be there. I clutched my stupid childish pillow tightly, because seriously, the entire neighborhood needed to see Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup! I guess comfort was more important to me than anything else right then, and that pillow had been with me for years. I rounded the corner of my house skirting the heat from the fire. I made it across the road and collapsed in the Johnson’s front yard. My leg wasn’t working right and Mom wasn’t where I wanted her to be, and I think I might have passed out in shock. The next thing I knew, a pair of strong arms was picking me up. I opened my eyes to see Mr. Johnson smiling down at me. “Oh thank God Maddison.” He hugged me close to him and screamed for my mom who was standing in front of our house trying to get to me. She got her only injuries from standing too close to the fire yelling for me to jump to safety. It was sort of stupidly heroic. “Oh My God Maddie, My Baby!” She bellowed running back to me across the road wearing her beat up Bugs Bunny jumper. “Hey Momma.” I grunted out around the pain and confusion. The four of us collapsed to the ground again in a huddle of hugs and reassurances. Sal and Jenny Johnson were our emergency contacts and location. The older neighbors had helped us a great deal since Dad. The four of us sat there on the lawn and watched the hungry fire devour our home while waiting on the professionals to arrive. I’ll always remember that night, but the thing that stood out the most was the fire was so hot I could feel it from across the road. The Woes of Maddison Page Chapter 2 – My Bipolar Bladder - Later that Monday Night - The fire department arrived within eight minutes of mom placing the call from the Johnson’s front yard. It hadn’t made much difference. The old place went right before our very eyes up like dried popsicle sticks. Smoke under my door to the four corner posts of the house falling into the basement only took twenty-eight minutes. Well that what I guessed based on the quick scan of my alarm clock on the way out of my window. When the posts fell I marked the time on mom’s watch just after she assaulted me in our neighbor’s front yard. Twenty-Eight minutes and everything we had been destroyed. Twenty-Eight minutes and our lives were forever changed. Twenty-Eight minutes between life before the fire and life after the fire. “Something in the kitchen went up first baby.” Mom babble to me still in her Bugs Bunny sleeper. She was terrified that I had been stuck and caught in the blaze and it was hard for her to believe I was going to be okay. “It was just so horrible. I couldn’t get to you! I was so scared! Nothing was on, and I was in the living room watching the TV. Then fire raced up the stairwell and I couldn’t get to the stairs. I couldn’t get to you!” She bellowed. “I can’t believe you’re ok. You are ok aren’t you? I was so scared Maddison. All I could think of was you were stuck up there in the fire. I thought I had lost you baby.” She whispered that last part to me and cried. It dawned on her that I likely had a problem getting down from the third floor. Mom frantically freed me from Mr. Johnson’s strong grasp and laid me out on the plush carpet of their manicured lawn. She started running her hands over me asking what hurt as she ran through her first aid training. I remember looking around laying there wondering if their sprinklers would come on while I lay on the grass. Shock does weird things to the mind. That, and mom looked kind of ridiculous checking me for wounds in those bunny footie pajamas. My right leg and arm were bleeding pretty badly. I was cut up all over the place, but my left hand was just scuffed up a little. Mom looked around and put my childlike pillow under my head. ‘I love this pillow and its childish pillow case. I’m kind of glad something from my old life survived. Plus, who likes sleeping on someone else’s pillow? This shall be my squishy!’ I declared mentally channeling my inner Dori. I decided that if mom was ok out there in her goofy PJs then I cherish my old pillow. “Honey, does your head hurt at all? Did you hit your head?” Mom asked me retaining bits and pieces of her emergency classes. “Mandy, the ambulance is here darlin.” The grandmotherly Mrs. Jenny addressed Mom. She had called them while mom was yelling at the fire to let me go. “Ma’am, please step back and speak to my partner Frank. I’ll check on your sister right there.” The EMT told her pointing to his partner. “That’s Maddison, she’s my daughter.” Mom supplied the EMT staggering meekly over to Frank. ‘That’s funny! PJs got ya Mom.’ I chuckled to myself. “Maddison, tell me what happened...” The EMT started, but I don’t really remember the last half of that sentence. I know I answered his questions, but the pain wiped away most of my memory. My next memory was from the ambulance for just a few moments. It was long enough to see mom sitting next to me and that I was strapped onto a gurney. She was talking to the EMT that had checked me out. I remember hearing mom was going to be fine. She’d only had some mild burns on her hands and forearms trying to get to me through the fire. I, on the other hand, needed a trip to the hospital for x-rays, stitches, and who knew what else. - Wednesday - Mom checked “my little legs” and we made our way back to our hotel bed. That whole window-flying hospital-staying experience was sitting at a nine out of ten on the suck-O-meter. In my short life only losing Dad had sucked worse, that had been a solid ten out of ten. I sat down heavily on the hotel bed trying to hold my leg up from the recoil, but my back wasn’t putting up with a slow descent. Mom put my bad right leg up on a stack of pillows to elevate it, cause Dr.’s orders, but my back was hurting no matter how I laid. I didn’t want to go to the store with mom. In fact, I really didn’t want to move at all. I hurt everywhere! It felt like how I imagined being in a car wreck would feel, and I was totally prepared to throw a fit about getting up again. ‘Maddie – 0, Gravity - 1 – Well done gravity! You have surely kicked my ass.’ I chuckled at my own stupid internal commentary. “Momma, I don’t want to go with you.” I whined. “ It’s freezing out there, and I can’t wear pants with this leg splint thing.” Then a tingle in my lady bits hit me again. “Plus, it seems I need to use the bathroom. Again! I shouldn’t have even left. ARGH!” I groused. ‘Why can’t the eff’n toilet be friggin cushioned or something? I need one of those gunshot-in-the-ass pillows from TV.’ I mumbled pushing up out of bed. ‘Of all the leftovers from my two story flight, my bipolar bladder had to be my least favorite.’ I thought. “Honey, you just went, literally moments ago. I’m sure you’ll be fine.” The concern flooded mom’s face while she waved her hands around. I couldn’t help it. I began to cry, “Dammit, I know momma, and it hurts so bad when I get up. Please help me back in there. I’ll just fucking sit on the toilet for the rest of my goddamn life. Maybe I can fold up some towels to sit on.” I lamented. I was filled with exhaustion and aggravation, and my poor attitude got the better of my vocabulary. I hardly ever cuss, out loud at least, but I was tired of… everything. I was exhausted. I threw myself a well-deserved pity party. I’d just have to feel bad about biting mom’s head off later, but being a God fearing young lady from the south, I knew I would be mortified at my own behavior later. How many seventeen year old girls do you know that work thirty plus hours a week, go to school, run cross country at a state level, maintain a 4.16 GPA? I was trying my damnedest to get into the best school I could afford for my bachelors. Now I had to do all that while trying to piece our life back together from the pieces the demon of a fire took from me. Not to mention all the responsibility I picked up after Dad passed, and now my bipolar bladder was forcing my injured back into service it wasn’t apparently prepared to give. I sighed and got up. As always, I was doing my best, and I was way too stubborn to give up. While I wallowed in my own pity, mom helped me up off the bed. I made it vertical with a weight lifters grunt, and I shuffled on to the bathroom by myself. I really needed that tiny bit of independence, but I just left the door open this time since I couldn’t talk to mom if I closed it anyway. I looked at my sickly pale complexion in the bathroom mirror while sitting on the toilet. I stared at it for a solid minute before deciding that the crew of The Walking Dead would have to put color on me to let me shamble on their set! Mom had seen my perky butt a million times, and we were bunked in this one bed suite with little to no privacy anyway. Modesty just didn’t matter to me anymore, at least where my mom was concerned. So, I just left the damn door wide open. ‘God I look horrible. I look like a disabled vampire with coffin head.’ My morbid sense of humor supplied. ‘I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.’ I mentally quoted one of my favorite books. I had my bad leg stretched out in front of me with my panties around that ankle. ‘I wish I could figure out how to prop it up on the tub and leave it there. This would be way more comfortable.’ I thought while playing around with it unsuccessfully. We’d only been in this suite for a couple days, but it was already wearing on me. I was hurting not wanting to move, but I was cagey and wanting to get out of there. Nothing was mine. Nothing was the same. I couldn’t get anything done without my stuff. I was already battling the senior everything-is-changing-stress, but this was just too much. ‘I have nothing. I mean technically our cars are just singed, but drivable. Bubbly paint doesn’t keep the car from going. The cars were a crispy silver lining I guess.’ I took a stab at cheering myself up. It didn’t work. “Mommy, I don’t know what’s going on inside me.” I broke down again feeling the overwhelming emotional weight of my situation. I needed my mommy, and like always she was right there ready and willing to bend reality for me just like I do for her. I cried into my hands in the bathroom of a hotel with all my dreams falling away in tears and ashes. Seriously, I was conjuring scenarios in my mind where I’d have to stay with mom in an apartment and take care of her for some reason, or a ton of different scenarios where college never happened. My overactive imagination was jumping down every horrible situation I could dream up. I was spiraling. It’s wasn’t one of my finest moments. “What do you mean honey.” Mom sounded petrified. She needed me sure, but right then she had no idea how to help me. “I just went to the bathroom. I mean, I barely peed at all, but I felt like I couldn’t hold it anymore as soon as I sat down. It was hurting to hold it while I walked in here. It felt like I was about to pee all over myself sitting there on the bed. Walking was even scarier. Even when I manage to go a little, the relief doesn’t last long before I’m back at the near pissing myself feeling.” I wailed. “Maddie you didn’t drink anything, and we were only in the other room maybe five minutes. You know there’s nothing in there right? Why don’t you try pushing a little, and I’ll help you lay down again? Then you won’t have to worry.” Mom coached while pointing at my traitorous bladder. “GAWD Momma! I know how to pee. I’m telling you something is wrong. My bladder isn’t full, but I’m tingling like I’m about to wet myself.” I huffed at her while crossing my arms. “Don’t take it out on me young lady! It’s only been a couple days since the fire. Maybe you hurt yourself worse than we thought? I don’t remember talking to the ER guys or the EMTs about bladder stuff. Did you talk to them?” Mom prompted. I dried my eyes with some toilet paper, “No Momma. I’m not even sure it was a thing then. Plus, the pain from the fall was keeping some of this other stuff away. I was hurting too bad to feel the tingle, but it’s all I feel now! And… I’m sorry for yelling.” I conceded hanging my head. Mom sighed and looked down. The look on her face told me her fear had elevated. “Baby, your panties are a little wet. Do you know when that happened?” She asked me still staring down at the condition of my underwear with a patient look of concern in her loving eyes. “They’re WHAT!” I sobbed anew. “It’s not much honey. Maybe you just went a little when you stood up. It looked like it hurt. Ha! that happens to me all the time. Peeing a little here and there happens to a lot of girls. I’ve had to wear a heavy pad since you were born.” Mom offered. It did hurt, but I had no idea that I’d “leaked.” The thought was simply terrifying. ‘OMG!’ “Have you ever held it so long that your control was literally bouncing. You’d flexed the muscles so long they would contract and relax, like a pulse you don’t have control over. That feeling of you have literally one moment longer before there’s a mess to clean up. When your bladder says a rowdy Fuck You and dumps its load without your consent?” I begged her to understand. Mom nodded. “That’s how I’m feeling all the time right now. It’s exhausting and it’s killing my already pissed off back.” I groused. In another fit of age-inappropriate mental fatigue, I dramatically kicked my underwear and shorts off of my bad leg with the good one. I needed the wet panties as far away from me as possible. Mom took some toilet paper and wiped the tears from my face, and started a bath. “I’ll go to Wally World by myself honey. You said your back was hurting, so you just take a nice long hot bath and enjoy all this never ending hotel hot water. Mommy will be right back baby.” She told me visually assessing me for further damage. She wasn’t sure what to do. It seemed like a terrific idea, soaking in the tub. I have always loved to soak in a deep hot bath. Our hot water heater was under too much demand and way too old to keep up with a deep water baths at home. Suddenly, I was excited that I could soak, then shave, and have enough hot water to shower off too. ‘I’ll finally feel human again, at least until I had to resume my porcelain vigilance.’ I sighed. ‘What the hell is going on with me?! Mom’s still got to make that Wal-Mart run, but at least she seems willing to make it on her own now. I’m just glad I don’t have to go and that she can get to her checking account. Fuck!’ I shouted internally. I’d forgotten that I couldn’t “submerge” my leg. Mom had grabbed her purse on the way out the front door of our former home. She still had her debit and credit cards. Thank the Lord! If she’d lost those too, we’d have no access to the meager funds we currently had available. As it was, I only had temporary checks on my account. Work had given me the week off paid. That was super nice of my boss, and the old jerk wasn’t known for his super niceness. Mom had taken the week off too. She wasn’t fortunate enough for bonus unpaid leave though. She had to burn the rest of her vacation and sick/personal days. She wouldn’t be off around Christmas now. That realization hit me hard. “Oh momma, all your Christmas presents were already under the tree, and I can’t take a bath cause of the stitches.” I cried yet again feeling the weight of our loss. My emotions were all over the place. I knew it, and still couldn’t stop it. That just pissed me off more. I was really excited to give her the Sylvester Jumper set. It was the pivotal part of her Christmas. Mom still had what was left of the Bugs footed sleeper, but I don’t think she would be sleeping in it anymore. It probably reminded her of the fire, and neither of us wanted that. My resolve hardened again. Mom would have the Sylvester jumper set for Christmas! With that goal I rediscovered my strength, if only temporarily.
  2. Birch House - Chapters 7

    I LOVE these reader theories! Post em if ya got em!
  3. Sara

    Nice! Original twist.
  4. Birch House - Chapters 7

    LoL hit me with an email and I'll clean it up!
  5. Birch House - Chapters 7

    Birch House Chapter 7 --- Ann --- “Well, no.” Mom replied. “That wouldn’t be very modest now would it Molly Ann Smith?” “Sorry. I didn’t mean to get so upset. It’s only at night and you have to deal with it twenty-four seven... Robin Smith.” I sighed feeling like a butt and purposefully flipping the full name drop back at her. “Oh Molls. You have to stop this wallowing.” She said sitting next to me crinkling loudly. I can’t believe I didn’t hear that before. It’s not like the skirt did that much to muffle it. It’s as lame as Superman and his glasses. I scolded myself. Huh… I don’t think I know Mom’s middle name…? “Pretty aren’t they?” Mom asked poking at her crotch. “Very… I mean, for a diaper.” I blushed. “Pfft! That’s it! I’m not covering these up unless Trent’s home. I’ve got to desensitize you to them. Feels better this way anyway. It’s not like Daddy lets me wear pants around the house.” She laughed. “You mean you just run around in wet diapers all the time at home?!?” I asked feeling like I had uncovered some sort of scandal. I had a quick imaginary flash of myself with a press pass. “Daddy has been changing me since you were a little thing Doodlebug. I sort of stumbled into diapers a long time ago as a solution of sorts to a problem. If it weren’t for Daddy, I’d have had some expensive surgery or been on some drug or other for years. Those side effects are scary… anal leakage!” Mom said looking off blankly at the bed area shuddering. “Analyst here… the cost of diapers over a couple decades far outstrips the surgery cost. Well anyway, running around diapered and showing it will definitely force me to confront my situation.” I admitted. “What about Becca?” “Oh pish! Becca caught me diapered way more than you did. That one is very observant and maybe a splash of sneaky!” We laughed together because… yeah Becca was definitely sneaky. “There was never a point in hiding stuff from her. She smelled me out this morning. I couldn’t dodge her anymore.” I told mom. “Smelled you? You didn’t mess did you!” Mom gasped. “Yep… pooped all over myself. Seriously, no, but she did smell me even after a shower.” I told her the story suddenly bothered by my conversation with Becca, but unsure of why. “Well, I guess I’m a little nose-blind by now. I can’t smell you Molly. Even with all the hugging and crying!” She told me tickling into my sides a little. Mom got up, diapered booty on display, and walked over to my dresser with the package of diapers. She set about rearranging my underwear drawer to hold them. “No sense in leaving these lying about.” Mom chuckled. I pulled my feet up and dropped my skirt over my knees. I rested my head against my knees and got lost in thought. “Mom?” I eventually asked. “Hmm?” She responded without stopping progress on her task. “Is that why I always had to be in my room by eight?” “Part of it. Wearing just the diaper is much more comfortable for me. They can be a bit sweaty sometimes. Most of it was quiet time with Daddy. It’s not easy being a young attractive married couple with a kid sabotaging all your romantic efforts!” She smiled at me nodding and turned back to her task. “Yeah, I’m glad for you two. Everything in the romantic department still…” I floundered for words whirling my arms around. I was very proud that Mom and Daddy loved each other and had no fear of showing it with small touches and kisses. They taught me that tasteful PDA was totally appropriate. “Daddy would be devastated if it weren’t Molls.” Mom laughed. “Your unconventional underwear doesn’t put a kink in his plans?” I asked thoughtfully. “Well, it does put a kink in our love life, but probably not the way you think.” Mom laughed out loud hard. “BAH! I don’t wanna know!” I yelled hopping up and running to my breakroom for a snack sticking my fingers in my ears. La La La La “THAT’S WHY YOU REALLY WENT TO BED AT EIGHT!” Mom’s words and laughter chased me down the hall. I was grazing on a snack sized bag of Cheetos when Mom came into the room with me. She smiled and milled around the bedroom turned part kitchen and part dining room. She opened my refrigerator and pulled out some apple juice. “Cups are to the right on the top.” I told her. “Little help?” Mom asked looking at the cabinet standing there holding the juice. “Oh yeah. Pigmy Mom. I forget.” I chuckled and got her a glass. “Giraffe daughter!” Mom laughed taking a cup. I poured myself some juice and sat down with her at the little table. Mom wiggled every now and then lighting up the room with tiny diaper sounds. There was no getting around what she was wearing around her waist. They reminded me they were present everytime I caught a glimpse of Mom or when she moved and made themselves known. “Al, over at White Thorn’s, came in the other day on your recommendation.” Mom mentioned casually. She’d clearly switched to business talk. Mom adores talking shop with me since Daddy won’t have it. He doesn’t care about numbers and we don’t care about lumber, so it was a mutual agreement! “They’re my biggest client right now. I helped them invest in a new inventory management system that’s integrated with their supplier. The system tracks onhand supplies with a scanner. We negotiated three deliveries a week with their vendor and now Al floats less stock.” I beamed at mom proud of the accomplishment, but trying to keep it to the bullet points. “Oh he’s thrilled with your work Doodlebug. We have all his accounting now. He told me it was OK to talk to you about his accounts. Your advice and guidance increased his profit while reducing his risk and overhead. It was... impressive.” She told me her face flushing with pride. “I mentioned your company. I told him you’ll have quite a bit of experience with the lean management style and it’s financial impacts. His accountant was a friend from college. Frankly, they’d outgrown him.” I told her sadly thinking of the portly little bald guy. “Believe it or not, Al insisted we keep him in the loop. We sub him out for some of the face to face work so we don’t have to travel down all the time. I think Flemming, Al’s old accountant, will probably bring us some other business too. This town is growing in the industrial sector.” She nodded again. I loved the chance to talk about my business with Mom. I’d learned a lot from listening in on her calls over the years. I had a knack for efficiency and that will always sell. Every owner loves to do more with less! Admittedly, I was showing off a little for her though. “Al has a few friends that are itching for some time with me, but I have a couple smaller contracts I need to finish before I start another large project. You know how I hate to travel.” I reminded her but was happy to let her know my business was still thriving. “We are so proud of you, Daddy and I. I wish your Grams had been around to see you graduate college. She’d be so proud of you. Speaking of Grams, I… uh… I don’t like the distance between us dear.” She told me. “I’m sort of locked in now. I sort of own a home!” I laughed. “I don’t mean the physical distance Doodlebug.” Mom said a sadness in her voice. “I don’t mean to be distant.” I confessed. “You haven’t needed anything from me, except with your diapers, since you were eleven. So independent and self-reliant.” She shook her head. “Looks like they may always be a thing for me. Thank you for coming. Thank you for helping. Thank you for doing what I couldn’t.” I told her my eyes tearing up again talking about the wettings. “Oh Molls. Mommy will always be here for you.” She stood up and crinkled over to me pulling me into a hug. I was a little taller than her still sitting down. “You’re so short.” I laughed and patted her butt. “Uh… Mom. You should probably get a change.” I told her. “Oh Shit! I hadn’t… I… well, Daddy usually keeps an eye on that. I’m sorry honey. I don’t think much about them when I’m not at work.” She told me blushing furiously. “Don’t be embarrassed. It’s just me Mom. How do you take care of it at work or out and about?” I asked suddenly curious. “If Daddy’s with me he… uh… he checks me. If I’m by myself out of the house, I can remember easier. We’re at home, well your home, so I just... didn’t think about it.” She laughed nervously. “Well, I don’t mind helping you keep an eye out, but help me cause I’m not used to it, like Daddy I guess.” I giggled. “I’m not embarrassed as much as I’m worried about embarrassing you. I gave up dry panties a very long time ago.” “Hey, Rebecca have anything to fix for dinner? I bet you never really cook for her.” Mom laughed. “You’re no chef either Mom.” I laughed thinking of all the pizza I ate growing up. “Well, Grams finally taught me while you were off at college.” “You any good?” I asked. “We eat home cooked meals more than we eat out. Just not by much.” She told me standing. “Let me go change. Then we’ll head downstairs.” I told her. “I’m just so proud of you Molls. So smart and successful at such a young age.” Mom said shaking her head. By six, we’d made Grams’ spaghetti and tossed a quick salad. I knew I’d have to restock Beck’s fridge, but it had been fun to cook for her for a change. Mom spent the entire time with her diaper fully visible. Her very cute pink booty shined making all kinds of racket. By the time Becca was due home, I’d begun tuning out the noise. Progress I suppose... The door rattled and Mom jumped up from the downstairs couch and sprinted for the door. She was excited to see my bestie. She yanked the door open before Becca could, leaving her keys still dangling in the door. “Oh Rebecca, your hair is so neat! I love it. Did you get another ear piercing? Holy Shit your nose! God don’t those hurt! I can’t believe how old you look. Such a beautiful young lady. Hey can you smell dinner? We made food! I even got Molls to help! She said you could smell her. What do I smell like?” Mom gushed like an over excited toddler greeting a parent just home from work. She literally bounced up and down firing questions faster than Becca could answer while crinkling all over the place. Ok. That could give a girl a cavity it’s so sweet! Serves her right! I giggled watching the conversation tables flip on Becca. “Oh My God! Robin! I mean Mrs. Smith!” Becca squealed and hugged her standing up pulling her off the ground. Becca was vibrating with happiness her ass wagging she was so excited. “You’re so cute!” She channeled her Despicable Me, ‘It’s so fluffy’ voice. “I’m so glad to see you.” Mom said from Becca’s embrace. “That diaper looks so fucking adorable on you! Bet you would still be in them even if your medical stuff cleared up! I just love it. So fucking cute.” Becca fed off Mom’s energy. “Alright you two, dinner’s getting cold!” I reminded them before one of their heads exploded in excitement. “Awe, it’ll keep a bit! I haven’t seen your mom since the wedding!” Becca laughed sitting Mom down on the ground. “Far to long girls. With all Trent’s traveling, I expect you both at the house more often. Just… call first. My diaper is one thing, Daddy in his underwear is a whole other ball game!” Mom laughed. “Speaking of! Run around a bit. You look adorable. I wanna see!” Becca insisted clapping her hands. “Run to the kitchen Mom. You two are like herding wet cats.” I laughed. “OK.” Mom said grinning widely and putting her hands down on her sides before sprinting off sounding every bit the toddler she was dressed as. “Your mom’s the best.” Becca said coming up next to me. Becca pulled me into a hug burying her face in my cleavage like she had this morning. I could feel a light kiss on the vee on my chest and hear a dramatic inhale. She shook just a bit and visibly relaxed into me. I hugged her tighter loving that closeness. “Mom seems extra nutty today.” I laughed. “You smell extra amazing today.” She laughed. “Do I still smell like pee?” I asked cautiously. “You smell like you. Wonderful with a side of meat and tomatoes.” Becca said immediately. “I smell the red sauce and meat and… Oh, and fresh garlic!!! OMG you used my farmers market tomatoes in a... salad… caesar salad.” “Amazing!” I shook my head. “Dinner is served madams.” I laughed. We ate in companionable silence. Mom felt more like another friend at the table than the mother figure. With her lack of height and the diapers, she seemed like the youngest one of us too. Sure, our faces were more youthful, but she’d abandoned the motherly vibes the moment Becca had arrived. Becca almost always had a positive impact on Mom’s attitude. They sort of fed off each other like a perpetual youth machine. “So, it’s settled! Cuddles and movies tonight right?” Mom asked us. “Of course. Upstairs though… Annie cleans up that way.” Becca giggled. “I’d clean up down here too.” I laughed. “Still sounds weird. Nearly a decade you’ve insisted people call you by your middle name and it still sounds weird to my ears Doodlebug.” She admitted. “Oh fuck! I haven’t heard that in years! Doodlebug…” Becca poked me in the side laughing. “Watch it. I’m willing to help with dinner dishes unless you keep on.” I poked her back. Mom just laughed, “You big girls just leave the dishes to Mommy and run upstairs to setup Movie Night!” Becca saluted my tiny parent and jumped up to leave before someone changed her mind for her. Becca hates doing dishes. She patted Mom on the butt and told her to get changed before she joined us cause she was getting soggy. Mom just nodded turning an amusing shade of pink and trundled off to the kitchen with a large armload of dishes. “Holy Frack Annie! She can’t get much fucking cuter. I know you hate ‘em, but she looks great in those diapers. She doesn’t look all that much older than you do now.” Becca laughed. “It’s her idea to desensitize me to them. She’s making me wear them at night.” I told her defeated. “She can’t make you do shit! You’re a grown ass woman! Piss your bed if ya want to, or wear diapers if ya want. Don’t blame your Mom! That’s not fair. I’ll take you to the doctor if you think you need one.” Becca said sobering toward the end. “I… I know. I called her and asked. I...” I took a deep breath, “I had to buy a new mattress.” “I know. I changed your sheets remember?” Becca reminded me. “It was just this morning. I didn’t forget. How’d you know it was a new bed?” I asked. “I could just tell.” Becca said quickly her cheeks warming in color. “I hate this, but Mom’s doing a good job of beating back the dread.” I admitted. “Do you think you should go ahead and put one on? Then you could hang out with us and I’ll be the odd bitch out, the only one not in a cutie ass diaper.” She laughed. “I don’t want to, but it’s probably a good idea. If I doze during the movie… Hey!” I said perking up, “you could wear one too!” I laughed totally kidding. Becca froze standing there in my bedroom. She seemed to be lost in a sudden thought. I didn’t want to hear her refuse while looking at her. Somehow, I knew I would feel rejected. She had no reason to wear a diaper with us. She was the only one with a fully functioning bladder after all! --- Becca --- Could I wear a diaper for Ann? Should I? I mean, if I did it would certainly help get her used to them. Yeah, I’d do about anything for her. Hell, I’d just promised myself to that very thing this morning. Hell ya, I’ll sit around in a diaper to make Annie feel better. I’d do just about any fucking thing to make this better for her. “What the hell?” I said shrugging my shoulders, “Where are they?” “Uh… whattttt?” Ann stuttered. “Our diapers, where are they?” I asked again. I smiled at the confused look on Ann’s face. This is already fun! I laughed. “Look, I was the one who fucking said you should change early. I don’t want to be the only chick getting up to run to the bathroom.” I laughed not thinking about what I was saying. “You know, I have these gorgeous hips Annie. If I put one of these diapers on, I won’t be able to take it off by sliding it down. I’m sure I’ll end up pissing one at some point.” I told her while she looked down at her feet too nervous to look up at me. “If I really have to get up and go to the bathroom and I can’t bring myself to piss the diaper, I’ll just take it off and put my undies back on. I’ll make sure and pee before I put it on, that’ll help too. Then I won’t be the only chick here without a diaper.” I laughed glad I’d left myself some wiggle room in case I backed out of wetting the diaper. “Just think, you can drink all you want. You’re covered, literally. Wet the bed… Who cares? That’s what they’re for! No way your overflowing these fluffy assed things!” I joked hefting the diaper in my hand. “I guess.” Ann said not convinced at all. “Eh, Your call babe. I’m putting one one so I can hang with Robin then!” I pushed. I knew this was tough for her. She hated the diapers, at least she had as an older teen. I can’t blame her. Fucking being a teenage girl was hard enough without dealing with her tiny ass bladder. The doctors had told her parents she’d have a very hard time successfully leaving the diapers behind without another form of treatment. I remember her freshman year of homeschool when she got the pull-ups. We went to the mall to celebrate and buy her some pants. Ann, Molly at the time, had been stuck in skirts and dresses her entire life. She went to the bathroom like forty times and still had to change once while we were there, but it was so liberating for her. It brought tears to my eyes remembering that day, but I’ll never forget the next summer when we went to the pool for the first time and she got to wear a swimsuit in public. It was amazing. She was terrified and thrilled at the same time. It had likely been the scariest moment in her life. In fact, I bet she had a hard time not telling everyone it was her first time out without a diaper… well, maybe not that hard, but she smiled at me a billion times. Huh… a lot of my favorite memories are with Ann. I wasn’t sure I could wet a diaper on purpose, but if I could get Ann to do it, it would be worth it. I’m wasn’t as squeamish as she was plus, her mom would be sitting there soaked in no time. I peed and then lay down on Ann’s bed while she followed up my bathroom performance. I didn’t care if she saw me naked, it’d happened a million times. I just wasn’t, you know… advertising. “Need some help with that?” Robin asked coming in Ann’s room catching me half wrapped. “I figured it would be good for Ann to push this a bit. Like tearing off a bandaid. Plus, I want her to know I don’t give a fuck what she wears.” I rushed to tell her explaining my halfway diapered ass. “I know dear. You didn’t even react to mine.” She nodded sagely and reseated my tapes adjusting the diaper I was wearing. “Shit that feels a lot better.” I told her sort of enjoying the crinkle, the naughtiness of it. “Well, you just do what feels right. I’ve loved you as a daughter since we moved in next door.” She told me. “I usually do.” I belly laughed. “What’s so funny?” Ann asked joining us. “Oh Rebecca here was just admitting to not thinking and acting first most the time.” Robin twisted the truth-knife in my gut, a Mom throwing around razor sharp words. “Well, she does usually do whatever she wants and figures the rest out later… that, or I do.” Ann laughed. I didn’t even care that the fun seemed to be at my expense. I only cared that the gorgeous woman was smiling with her hands held and arms twisted demurely. Ann started to ask us to leave the room and then I volunteered to step into the guest room while she changed. “Oh that’s not necessary.” Robin offered swiftly. “Let me help you with that while Rebecca gets us some of that pie from your refrigerator.” I felt a little strange about Robin helping Ann, so I just left. Not sure why it bothered me, but it did. I couldn’t tell if Robin was excited to diaper her adult daughter or was keeping her from the guest room or maybe she just didn’t want to leave Ann alone for this. I couldn’t read Robin’s mind so I did the next best thing. I checked the guest room sneakily. It’s locked? Why the hell would it be locked? How will she get back in? Oh, it’s one of those you can push a pin in and open it. Why locked though? I’m not sure what possessed me, but I dropped to the floor and sniffed for all I was worth at the crack under the door. I caught a strong whiff of baby powder, probably from her just changing. I could smell her hair products and body wash. I thought I could smell some toothpaste thinking she may have busted it in travel. Oddly, I could smell old rubber. Nothing seemed too out of place, so I went to Ann’s break room and took my time grabbing the paper plates, silverware, and the pie from the fridge. I wasn’t going to serve anyone, but I didn’t want to make any more trips. I had been so caught up in Robin’s little puzzle, I hadn’t thought about the diaper around my waste until I was walking back to Ann’s bedroom. God, I’ve wanted to try one of these for years. Sort of hot, but feels bulky and good. I love the poof of air when I sit down too. I knocked before being called back inside. There we all stood. Three adult women clad in varying tops and diapers, Ann’s mom in a really pink foo-foo one at that. I couldn’t help but laugh. My laugh set Robin off, and eventually Ann’s thin hands drifted to her face covering her own laughter. “What movie are we watching?” Robin eventually asked.
  6. The Woes of Maddison Page - Chapter 44

    I do still have this story. It got nuked and I intend to repost it on this thread,but it's huge! Writing Birch House ATM, but have all intentions to repost.
  7. Fetish

    Loved this!
  8. Birch House - Chapters 7

    LoL on page 2. I guess I'd be more of a male Ann on the outside, but my inner dialogue is straight up Becca. Which ends up looking a lot like Trent in real life... Huh, just realized how similar I am to him currently. I'll have to let that simmer a bit!
  9. Birch House - Chapters 7

    Having a dog has always been a big deal for Molly. Her parents didn't let her have one for "reasons". Her apartment building hadn't either. Her favorites are beagles! The reoccurrence of her urine problem has set this aside for Molly, but Becca hasn't forgotten. No one knows Ann like Becca does. Becca does want her own children, but her drive to care for Ann comes from years of unequal friendship. They've always been close, but Ann was always a chapter or two ahead of Becca and Trent in life. Becca has a bit of a little sister syndrome with Ann, and she is relishing the opportunity to be helpful. I'm more worried about her over doing it!
  10. Behind Closed Doors

    Enjoyed it!
  11. More than she expected

    Cool start!
  12. Birch House - Chapters 7

    I was happy to bring Robin's story forward with Molly. You think that was a twist?!? My friends, I have only just started tangling this piece up! It's a fun change of pace to stick with some of my characters in a new work. Sorta like thowing an old age makeup on them. Just remember, Molly is particularly intelligent and mature woman despite her condition.
  13. Birch House - Chapters 7

    Birch House Chapter 6 --- Becca --- I had a couple afternoon classes I’d have to get to, but I still had plenty of time to take care of my bestie’s laundry before I had to be there! I was literally bubbling over with excitement at the potential to help Annie. She’d carried me through so much in life by simply being my friend and being a several years older. I owed her more than I could ever repay. The chance to help her after she helped us get this house… Ah-maze-ing!!! Anyway, I was a little excited. Oh, I so fucking got this shit! She won’t have to do a damn thing!!! I’ll take care of everything for her. This won’t be a burden on her. I won’t let it! I was laser focused on my friend’s needs. I had been tingling with excitement to help her, until I looked up at her. Ann’s fingers were touching her lips. Wait, what? I felt my head cock to the side while I was figuring it out. I’d been doing that a lot lately. I was confused on several things all the sudden, but it took a bit of time to get my thoughts together. OH MY Fucking GAWD! Oh shit biscuits. I FUCKING KISSED ANN! I kissed someone else! Oh Trent. Oh shit I kissed a girl! I liked it. I giggled at that joke in my inner dialogue. I don’t fucking giggle, I kick ass! And… kiss girls? I was feeling protective of Ann, in the extreme. I itched to be closer to her, that seemed weird since I couldn’t get any closer to her without crawling into her clothes. Which, in itself, was a strange thought. I reached out straightening up. I pulled her hand away from her face pulling her into a new and tighter hug. Her top had a smell I noticed while I clung to her. She smelled of her shampoo, conditioner, and her body wash. I inhaled again picking up her deodorant and a touch of perfume she’d spritzed on her wrists. Behind all that, I could smell Ann. She had her own scent. The smell of her skin, her tears, a touch of sweat, and the light smell of urine. She smelled like a shower followed by a trip to the bathroom that was well cleaned up after, but sort of lingered. It probably would have upset her that I could still smell it, so I chose not to mention it. Wait. I could smell all that? The thought suddenly bubbled up all the way to the top of my thoughts. Strangely, none of the smells turned my nose. I couldn’t remember anything causing that reaction in a while. I realized right then that I’d been changing my perception of the world based on my sense of smell. Maybe I could always smell these things, but they weren’t distinct? Maybe I couldn’t smell them before, but can now? Why would I start seeing the world through my nose? I sniffed her again. I smelled her on purpose. I smelled someone! On purpose! I SMELLED someone! ON PURPOSE! WTF! I closed my eyes and let images of those smells drift through my mind. It was sort of like looking around and seeing different colors. All her different aromas formed a unique bouquet drawing an image of Ann in my mind. It’s like seeing her from a distance and recognizing her silhouette. It was a scent signature that I can still recognize and seperate. Along with Ann’s scent, I smelled something else, something new… something I couldn’t place. Does she smell… upset. Something else too, but I wouldn't identify that last scent for quite a while. I felt an instinct to make her feel better... to comfort her… to touch her. I could easily see myself running around acting retarded just to make her smile, and I think I wanted her to touch me too. The hug didn’t feel like enough. I wanted to… I don’t know. Suddenly, I felt like kissing her again. That’s new… I thought not focusing on it to much. I reached up and kissed her cheek with a loud goofy smacking noise. I made a dramatic popping sound pulling away from her face getting a familiar smile and giggle from Ann. Hidden in that silly kiss, I snuck a tiny lick of her face. I tasted the salt of her tears and it nearly made me furious. I wanted to run around and yell at everyone who’d hurt her, but there was nowhere to focus that energy. I shook my head venting my negative emotions and stepped around Ann smacking at her ass as I walked by. “Dude. Breakfast. Pancakes. Make me a couple. I’ll get your laundry started. Scoot.” I told her bounding up the stairs. I didn’t look back at her as I ran up her stairs, and I’m not sure why I didn’t. I was smiling knowing that while I was shaken up about the kiss, it had shaken her from her depression. For right then, at that moment, that was enough. I’d figure the rest out later, I promised myself. On a mission, I raced to her room stripping the mattress protector knowing it was dirty by the smell I caught entering her room. Maybe I should have noticed how much my senses of taste and smell had changed, but was focusing on Ann and that shoved it back to the back of my mind. Somehow it had just grown natural to me. Besides, I didn’t have a reason to be suspicious of myself. I was only starting to understand that things had changed. I could smell things before others could or when others couldn’t at all and it just hadn’t sunk in yet. Musing over those thoughts, I threw her sheets and mattress protector in a bundle by the bedroom door. Her clothes hamper was empty causing me to briefly imagine Ann sleeping naked. While I was pondering my tall friend’s underbits, I passed by her bathroom. I was drug from my daydream by the smell of Ann prominently wafting through the door. That made sense. It should smell of her in there, still I felt pulled by a specific scent. Standing over her trash can, I noticed the shopping bag and picked it up. It didn’t take a fucking rocket scientist to guess what was in the bag... Oh Ann. I’m so sorry babe. Dude, this has to fucking suck for you. I’ll fix it. I’ll fix it all. I resolved. Before I could head back downstairs, I was drawn back to her bed. I ended up with my nose buried in the mattress inhaling its smells. WTF am I doing? I couldn’t deny the strangeness of my behavior anymore and was glad no one could see me, but I learned a few things. For instance, It was a new mattress. It smelled of older accidents too. I Fabreezed the shit out of her bed before I left wanting her to lay down and smell spring flowers not her failure. Smiling at my good work, I snagged her dirty laundry and exited through the balcony entrance. I brought the load of laundry to the washer through the mud room feeling super clever. I figured it would be easier on Ann if she didn’t see me taking care of her wash. I guessed that was how Ann had been hiding this from me for so long, running it around outside straight to the washer. The new mattress meant it’d been going on a while, and she was way better at keeping her problems private than I was. It meant there was a ruined mattress somewhere in the world, which made me really sad for my friend. In the end, I headed back to breakfast damn near skipping happily from helping my Annie. --- Ann --- Becca had left for class after making my bed restoring my room to pre-accident status. She’d stuck to me like glue till she had to leave doing everything she could to make me laugh. Despite my growing depression, she’d lifted my spirits with her oddly bubbly presence. Not to mention that kiss. It was my first one. I’d never been kissed by anyone outside my family. So, I was understandably focused on that kiss. In fact, I’d never really had enough of a relationship to feel attracted to anyone on a purely physical level. Sure, I have needs to fulfill like any other red-blooded American Girl, but I’d never in any way had them met for me. I was a virgin in all the interpretations of the phrase. It had been hours since the kiss and a good bit of time since Becca had left, but the blush wouldn’t leave my face. It still wasn’t gone at two when I got Mom’s text. [Mom] Front door or your door baby? Mommy’s here! I was scared, but excited to see her at the same time. I had more than one thing going on that my Mommy could help me with. [Ann] My door. I jumped up from the couch in my bedroom racing for my balcony door. I rotated the deadbolt, unhooked the chain, and turned the doorknob. My heart rate was elevated from Becca’s efforts and the rush to the door, but suddenly I couldn’t pull the door open. My mom was on the other side of that door. My hand hovered over the door knob shaking slightly. Mom would fix so much of this for me, but it was going to cost me. I wasn’t sure if I could afford the solutions. I wasn’t sure I could handle it. The answers she was packing might weigh more than I could bare. Sighing I pulled myself together and threw the door open dawning a genuine smile. As I looked down at my Mom, my little tiny Mommy, my smile grew broader. “Oh Baby, it’s so good to see your smiling face. I was really worried about you.” Mom said. “Mom, I’m so glad you're here.” I hugged her to me tightly. “Can I come in?” She asked laughing at me. “Oh! Of course!” I laughed. “You have stuff in your car?” “Yeah, I have a couple bags, even one for you.” She told me smiling up at me. “I’ll get those. Is it unlocked?” I asked stepping around Mom. “Yes dear. In the backseat. Do I need to lock it out here?” She asked. “Not really, but I didn’t want to get down there and not be able to get in. I left my phone in my room.” I explained. “Thank you baby. Where do I put my stuff?” She asked. “You can wait in my room and we’ll talk about it when I get back. Bathroom’s at the end of the hall if you need it.” I said heading down the balcony stairs to Mom’s car. “I’m fine.” I heard her giggle turning to walk down the hall. I realized I already felt better simply knowing my mom was around. I hadn’t even made it down to her car and I was already feeling steadier. I loved my mom. She’s sort of a tiny force of nature My body and mind were responding to having her close. She calmed me, and Lord knows I needed some calm. I grabbed her leather traveling bags and set them up on the their tiny wheels on my gravel parking lot. I took a deep breath and reached in for the other bag that Mom had filled, presumably for me and my… issues. I grabbed the handles of the bag and tugged it out feeling like Superman handling kryptonite. I was of half a mind to look in the bag and half a mind to burn it! In the end, I scrambled upstairs tugging mom’s luggage and my… supplies behind me. I opted not to look in the bag. I was fairly sure I knew what was in it and just wanted to put off the reality of it a little while longer. I was, however, a bit surprised at the amount of Mom’s stuff. I mean she had two huge bags bouncing up the stairs behind me… two days? What the fudge is in here. I mean... two days!?! I puzzled lugging her stuff up the stairs. Mom looked over at me as I came into my bedroom. She’d found my couch and lighted there waiting on me. She was looking at her phone and writing an email on her tablet. I smiled at the familiar scene and turned taking her bags to the guest room. “Ok, your bags are on your bed Mom.” I told her plopping down next to her a couple minutes later. “Perfect, I’m just finishing up some work here then we can talk.” Mom said refocusing her attention. “I’m sorry Baby.” “It’s OK mom.” I chuckled totally accustomed to only having half her attention. I’d have her full focus soon enough. I crossed my ankles and turned sideways on my couch to face my mom, but I didn’t try to engage her yet. Like the bag, I was putting off the conversation and the final outcome that I knew was on the horizon, the outcome I’d called and asked for help with. I pulled out my phone and shot Becca a text. [Ann] Mom’s here. [Becca] AutoResponse: I’m in class. I’ll get back to you shortly. [Ann] Poop. [Becca] AutoResponse: I’m in class. I’ll get back to you shortly. Oh man, I wanted someone to talk to while Mom works. I mumbled to myself and pulled up google. [Google Search: adult nocturnal enuresis treatment] Then I changed the options to in the last year. I wanted to look over the internet and see what all had changed since the last time I was in diapers. I read for about twenty minutes waiting on Mom to finish up. I started with WebMD and after I diagnosed myself with pelvic cancer, I took the keywords and refined my search. In the end, there were new surgical options like enlarging my bladder, sticking electronics in there to tell my bladder when it could release, or stop all flow with manual releases. There were new drugs too, but the old ones hadn’t worked well for me. They had really aggravated my stomach, and surgery scared me to death. I mean sure my volume of nighttime accidents did measurably decline on the medicine, but is one cup of urine on my mattress really any different than two? It’s still a wet bed no matter how you slice it. “What are you frowning about Molls?” Mom asked me. “It’s Ann Mom.” I corrected her. “Molly died when her problems did.” I added on instinct. “Baby, I try. I really do. I just can’t call you that… it’s not what I named you, especially when it’s just us. You’d rather Doodlebug?” She prompted lifting her eyebrow challenging me. Mom was like that. I wouldn’t call it a manipulation, but she did get her way most of the time simply by force of will. I asked her once when I was a teenager about how she could change everyone’s opinions. Mom looked at me and said something simple. If you can’t defend your ideas, you’re probably wrong. So, if I don’t defend myself, it’s because I don’t believe in my idea or point of view. Remembering that conversation, I tried to use her tricks against her, “I would Mom. I’d rather you call me Doodlebug than Molly. I set that name aside when I set aside the diapers.” My confidence was high and my point of view solid. Mom stood up and grinning like a tiger smiling at a mouse in it’s paws. “Here Doodlebug. I got these for you. There are more on the way, should be here with UPS tomorrow, they will be best for you. These will do in a pinch though.” She told me handing me the bag I’d carried up from her car. My smile and my faith in my argument died a humiliating death as I received the bag of overnight diapers. All I could hear was “Checkmate” in my Mom’s voice rattling in my head. I took a deep breath and emptied the bag onto the coffee table. There were two packages of Depends Overnight briefs in the bag. I was familiar with these because I’d worn them years ago, and here they were again invading my life and stealing my dignity. “Oh God. I mean… I knew what I was asking for. I just… *sniffle* I can’t believe it’s come to this… again.” I released a great heaving wrack of a sob. “Oh Molls, come here. Mommy’s got this.” She told me motioning me to her end of the couch. I cried on her shoulder while she rubbed my back, and hummed. We sat like that for a while. My tears eventually dried up, but my mood didn’t improve. I couldn’t look at my successful powerhouse of a mother. Here I was, a twenty-four year old toddler who couldn’t keep her bed dry arguing that I should be called by my middle name to acknowledge the growth in my life... growth that no longer existed. “I think we have found a whole in your logic Molly.” Mom told me. It says a lot about my mental state that I didn’t even try to correct her. I’d been living as Ann for almost a decade! “Hmmm?” I asked softly. “You seem to be under the impression that the diapers make you a failure in some way.” Mom said lifting my chin. I closed my eyes, “It does. I can’t go back Mom it’s humiliating.” “Baby. Do you think I’m pretty?” She asked. “You know you are! Like a tiny doll Daddy always says.” I quoted him. “Do you think I’m smart?” She asked. “You know you are. You’re the smartest kindest person I know.” I told her. “Well, maybe but I think you are the kindest, and you’re far more beautiful than I am.” She laughed. “Do you think I’m successful? Do people think I’m intimidating?” “Mom! You know you are. You barely go into work and your staff is petrified of you even though you’ve never been anything but kind to them.” I told her tired of these semi-rhetorical questions. She sensed my growing impatience, “Ok, so I’m all the things you’d like to be, but in your own way right?” “Right.” She said answering her own question and then carried on, “Let me remind you of something you seem to have forgotten. It’s not like you’ve been home enough to remember though, I suppose.” Mom stood up and dropped her skirt. She dropped it straight to the floor standing there with her hands on her diapered hips. She wore a fluffy, huge, pink one that had a dainty filigree along the edges. My eyes slid over the protective garment noticing it was wet past half capacity. Those are Cute! I thought immediately followed quickly by. Mom needs a change. I can’t believe that was so easy to overlook. Maybe I didn’t forget. Maybe I just ignored it after not having to confront Mom’s condition in a while. “You know I have some of your clients.” I reminded her. “I know. They speak highly of you. I’m just glad we don’t offer competing services!” Mom giggled. “You know you terrify everyone. You’re confident, competent, and well spoken. You walk with the bearing of someone in charge… someone expecting to be followed. You never give anyone chance to think less of you. I guess I hadn’t thought about your diapers in a very, very long time. It’s not like you ran around the house showing them off or anything!” I can’t believe I was so self-absorbed that I forgot about Mommy!