DaveeBEd

I have been intentionally wearing 24/7 for almost 18 months now and believe I have pretty much got to dual IC which was my initial aim but am now diaper dependent. Over the christmas holidays on two occasions I wanted to test myself by wearing pants (which felt very uncomfortable when sitting, I've become so used to being padded!). On both occasions I was wet quite quickly and was unable to stop the flow. On the 2nd occasion I also very near had a bowel movement and was just able to hold this in!

Thank you for your honest account. When I went on this journey I knew there would be moments of extreme humiliation and that it would also have a disabling/handicapping effect on my life. This is only my personal feeling but they are actually the reasons I chose incontinence. For some reason I have a deep seated need for humiliation and selected the journey to IC part at least because of the associated inconvenience and humiliation I would occasionally have to face in front of others.

Firstly I want to apologise to everyone who takes a look from time to time at my 12 month IC progress report for the gap since my last update. Things have certainly progressed, but not necessarily quite as I’d hoped. I mentioned in a previous post that in the past I used to suffer from mild bouts of IBS. This used to manifest itself in me having to rush to the toilet once or twice in relatively quick succession for a very soft bowel movement, not quite diarrhoea but a very soft consistency followed by some abdominal pain and then constipation later in the day. This would happen for a few days and then disappear just as quickly as it appeared and then after a few months the cycle would tend to repeat. Just after my last post this returned with a vengeance. I would have regular bouts of diarrhoea and even if my bowel control hadn’t been impacted at all by my untraining I would probably have struggled to reach the toilet in time. Well, then it's a good job you were diapered I hear you cry and yes that’s true, other than there were a few days where I was getting through approximately seven diapers each day and spending so long cleaning myself that I was genuinely beginning to feel disabled by my condition. I did actually remember making a very early comment on the forum that I actually looked forward to the negative impact and inconvenience of becoming IC could have on my life and I now know pretty much what that feels. Anyway, after a week or so of changing far too regularly I just got used to the feeling of my heavier than normal diapers. This of course had the inevitable affect of me getting the worst diaper rash I’ve ever experienced which took days to go and again meant I was back to having to change almost as soon as I’d spoiled my diapers. Then again, just as I was getting used to this, suddenly one morning I felt an incredible burning sensation in my penis. I hadn't actually realised I was peeing until the pain hit, but sure enough it barely went away all day and whenever I felt it, I realised I was peeing. Obviously I looked at the Internet and soon realsed that I must have my first UTI. I drank more liquids but at the end of the second day I had to phone my doctor. They had no appointment for another two days so I had to go to A&E. I had to wear diapers to A&E as I had no idea how long I would have to wait to be seen (in the end it was almost 4 hours) and the pain was unbearable. I was finally diagnosed with the UTI and given painkillers and antibiotics and sent on my way by the young female doctor. Thankfully, after three days the situation resolved itself. They also said they would refer me to an urologist to check on my kidneys, bladder and prostate! Then after two weeks or so of getting back to normal, I woke up one night in absolute agony. I had wet myself and had also passed some blood. I was sweating like crazy and my pulse was racing. I actually thought I might be having a heart attack and could barely get out of bed. I knew I had no option but to call an ambulance. When the paramedics arrived I was starting to panic, but of course they were great. Anyway to cut a long story short I spent three days in hospital on an antibiotic drip. I was in a ward with 5 other men where I was probably the only one under the age of 75 and of course after the staff removed my diaper they didn’t instantly return with a new one and I ended up soiling the bed which was very embarrassing to say the least and I felt terrible for the wonderful nurse who had to clean me and change the sheets. I then spent the next three days diapered but with no control over when I was changed and felt extremely vulnerable and sorry for myself. I also developed another diaper rash as the staff were simply too overworked to change me regularly enough and with a drip in my arm I couldn’t do this myself. I did simply lay there thinking what a fool I’d been just for this crazy fetish. But then of course deep down this is what I probably wanted, so other than being a drain on our under-funded NHS, looking back at present at least I don't have any significant regrets and am even starting to get that strange sexual thrill I get from the humiliation of wearing a diaper, as thinking about the situation I found myself in I can’t imagine many people could think of something more humiliating. The good thing is that I now feel considerably better and I think I am now extremely close to achieving total dual IC. The urologist appointment hasn’t been made yet and unless I have any further infections, I will simply cancel it as my control hopefully diminishes even further. My 12 month anniversary is now quite close and I suddenly feel that I may even achieve my goal by then. Also, now being able to look back at my time in hospital, at least at day three when I felt considerably better, the absolute humiliation of being diapered and wearing a surgical gown that opened at the back was something I simply wouldn’t have believed I could possibly reduce myself to last September when I commenced my journey.

Mark thanks for your continued honesty, it may however be that you have plateaued and are actually about to go over the edge without realising it,

I handled it by simply saying I found myself having to go more regularly and was having difficulty holding it in hence her initial reaction that it was a prostate issue. I can't imagine telling her I was deliberately trying to lose control!

I'm certainly up for this challenge as achieving dual IC has been my long term goal. I'm almost 10 months 24/7 now and lack of bowel control is something I'm now noticing much more, especially stress IC

Sorry you misunderstood my post I didn't tell her that I said I was having trouble holding it in hence the diaper!

As I lose control now, whenever I fart I release some poo and can't remember when I last changed a diaper without there being some streak marks on it

Did you plan to become incontinent or was it the result of an accident? As you probably know I'm untraining and hope to achieve dual IC but don't fancy having to give myself an enema regularly. Have you not lost bowel control?

I always drink a large glass of water about 30 minutes before going to bd and when I wake up in the night I sip from a glass beside the bed. I used to have to then make an effort to relax and let myself pee at night but now whilst i'm still waking up I don't have to relax myself and pretty much pee automatically on waking. The only issue I'm having is that as I pee regularly during the day, usually pretty small amounts any diaper very rarely leaks between changes, however as I still seem to be holding more urine in my bladder at night when I consciously let that go, at least one or twice a week I'm woken later by the fact that my diaper has leaked and I then have to change the bottom sheet and mattress protector pad which is something of a pain.

Yes a diaper has to be worn at work and in bed, the only time I'm not diapers now is when I have a shower. I even wear one to the doctor who recently asked me to go for some prostate tests as she was concerned. She would now like me to see a specialist to see what else could be the cause. I obviously havem't told her I'm deliberately untraining and when the specialist's appointment date arrives I will cancel it. For some of us for various reasons the desire to lose control of our urinary and in some cases even bowel function is an incredibly strong attraction that we can't resist. Most people on here who have succeeded in making themselves incontinent have had various attempts at achieving their goal in the past and given up for various reasons but the pull of incontinence doesn't leave you if its what you really want and although I have not achieved my aim yet, after almost 10 months of being constantly diapered I doubt I could now get by without wearing one. I pee very regularly and have a greatly reduced bladder capacity. There are time when I realise I've wet my diaper without knowing exactly when it happened so the chances of me having enough warning to get to the toilet in time without being diapered would be slim.

Don't worry, you have to get used to the occasional leak, especially in the early days of being 24/7. It sounds as though your girlfriend is supportive and that's a huge help. I've found that unless I'm being lazy about changing I have very few leaks now as my capacity has reduced and I'm releasing pee regularly but in very small amounts. I hope you're able to continue wit the journey. I have no regrets so far!

I remember having to stay in hospital in a children's ward when I was about 5 years old and the boy in the bed opposite was told off by the nurses for wetting his bed. I remember thinking that he was at least a couple of years older than me and I had long stopped wetting the bed at night, so I must have become fully toilet trained at a relatively early age. I've often wondered if remembering that time in hospital was some kind of trigger for my desire too become IC and a bedwetter again!

I've no regrets so far anyway

Your should use it with every change I do feel that regular shaving and Sudacrem or equivalent with every change will make a difference

Funny you should mention ED issues. Its not something many of us like to talk about, but just over the last month or so I have begun to notice that its becoming a little harder to maintain and erection. I'm a sub so if it should get worse I think I could cope with the added humiliation.

However young we were I doubt any of us on here will forget the first time we put diapers on by choice, just like the first time I nervously purchased my first packet of diapers myself, I'll never forget it. Now of course I just bulk buy on-line and have more than enough of everything all the time.

Thankfully I don't suffer from itching down there very much, only when I've had the occasional bout of diaper rash and only once badly, hence the generous application of Sudacrem

Like Stroller above, I shave in the shower at least a couple of times a week, thighs and private parts. I now have to stand with the new diaper I'm planning to put on on the floor opened out between my legs as I finish drying myself as I'm now likely to dribble if I don't. I use Sudacrem as a barrier cream all over my private parts and rear before using an unfragranced talc and then pull up and tape the diaper and cover with my plastic pants. I use the Sudacrem each time I change during the day but only use the talc first change in the morning and last at night as its a bit dusty to use when changing outside. I have worn a cage and its great for peeing and keeps your penis pointing down and helps avoid leaks. I think it also encourages me to dribble. The downside is it is hard to keep clean and does chafe. I've never worn it for more than 24 hours at a time. However my partner is trying to encourage me to wear it for longer. I may try a whole weekend soon.

Wow! As young as 12, I don't think it ever crossed my mind at that age.

As usual Mark you talk perfect sense and I'm with you, my personal need to be diapered 24/7 overrides all the inconvenience that comes with it and I won't feel truly happy until true dependency is achieved.

I feel truly sorry for those who are incontinent by the results of an illness or injury. That must be very hard to deal with. However, I have an overwhelming desire to become incontinent and to then suffer the consequences. I do hope that my desire in no way diminishes my respect or support for those who would do anything to not be IC.

I find by using Nullo you can do it almost anywhere, there is virtually no smell!

I don't get a kick from poop actually being on my penis, I just get turned on by the fact that its even more humiliating cleaning myself afterwards and takes so much longer if I'm really dirty, especially if I have to then change in the cubicle of a small public toilet, of there's no disabled facility available, for me that is wonderfully humiliating.

Best wishes to you, your thoughts on here have been an inspiration to me on my journey so far