2011

Chapter 7  The silence settled over our bodies like a heavy blanket. Suffocating and hot. I watched from the corner of my eye as his knuckles whitened around the pen in his hand and in a move that hurt more than it should, he pulled away.  But this was what I wanted. This was what I asked for. I didn’t think he would actually listen.  Class could not end fast enough, and we parted without a single word. I couldn’t help but stand there and watch as Theo weaved his way throughout the crowd before he disappeared from sight. “Hey, watch it!” a voice exclaimed from above. Looking up just in time to find an Amazon nearly tripping over me, I was shoved into the wall. I clutched the straps of my backpack to my chest, resisting the urge to cry. But the prickling sensation at the back of my eyes signaled the fight was over before it even began. It would do no good to break down in a den of hungry Amazons.  But right as I thought it was hopeless, my saving grace appeared.  Lenora.  Concern laced her voice as she pulled back, staring at me with startled brown eyes. Her hair was done up in newly crafted braids that draped her shoulders. “Not here!” she hissed. Not here? Then where? Anywhere I had a breakdown was extremely inconvenient. The whole process of a breakdown was inconvenient. Only vaguely aware of how many people were watching, two Littles were even more precious instead of one. At that moment, Lenora realized too and dragged us into the chaos. I moved on autopilot, following her lead. Lenora had mastered the art of maneuvering a crowd, and it took less than a second before we stumbled into an empty room. The door slammed shut behind us. “Relax,” she said, taking my face in her hands. “You’re okay. We’re okay. Breathe.” Centering me, grounding me, I did as she said, just able to suck in a ragged breath.  “Did someone do something?”  I couldn’t respond but she continued to press. “Was it too much?”  She didn’t expand on what ‘too much’ was, and in my mind there could be a bunch of different definitions, but there was only one that truly mattered. “I didn’t know you had class here. Isn’t that funny? We’ve been in the same place all these months and never ran into each other.”  Somehow, we had shifted to the ground and I placed my head between my knees.  One, two, three, four… Five, six, seven, eight…  “I just came from Modern Literature of the Portal World. We’re reading a book called Harry Potter. It’s about magic and wizards and that shit. Isn’t that funny?”  Her voice infiltrated my self-consciousness, and a flare of anger ignited in my stomach. Why couldn’t she leave me alone to suffer in silence? People were too nosy, and it pissed me off.  But it was as if my body locked down and trapped me within the recesses of my mind. This was what happened when life got too overwhelming. I backed away until I’d disappeared completely. Even if it was just for a short period of time. At least it was safe. I was safe. Numb to the world.  “...by the way, I ordered my dress for the Arts Ball. We don’t have dates and it is absolutely liberating. Why do we need a man to determine our happiness?”  In through one ear and out the other, I only noticed later that her incessant chatter was kind of soothing. It distracted me from my own thoughts. I came to find it comforting. I was not alone. Someone was here, and someone cared.  That had never happened before.  It took almost half an hour for me to come back to myself, and when I did, Lenora waited patiently. A faint smile played on her lips. “Hey.”  Hi.  “Are you doing okay? Wait no… that's a stupid question. Of course, you’re not okay.”  I didn’t know what it was about what she said, but I managed to crack a smile. Fiddling with her hands in her lap, she apologized suddenly. “I’m sorry if I’ve bothered you. I know that if I were in that position, I wouldn’t want to be left alone.”  Lenora was right.  “But, we’re cool, right? I’m not that scary.”  She attempted to joke around my lingering silence. “I-I’m not scary, right?” She gulped. I wanted to ease the hurt in her tone, but I can’t bring myself to lie. It’s not that she was scary but Lenora was an anomaly. An enigma. She represented everything I should be, everything I wanted to be - normal.  I was the problem that she couldn’t seem to realize. No one could. I would not blame her if she left me right here, but her next action shocked me even more. “I guess I am just going to have to prove to you that I’m worth having as a friend. And Madeline Lacroix, I would really like it if we were friends.”  Rising to her feet and brushing herself off, she held out her hand. “C’mon.”  I looked up, leaning slightly back as her body towered over mine. She gestured towards the door. I shook my head.  Nuh-uh. I was not going back out there. I thought I’d made myself pretty clear.  “I know a better place we can go that is not the dirty floor of a classroom. Besides, we are more at risk here. Someone can walk in at any time.”  She had a point.  “Stop worrying.” She sighed. “Just trust me. Not everyone is out to get you. I promise you’ll enjoy yourself.”  Against my better judgment, I allowed Lenora to lead the way. The panic had since subsided, leaving my mind floating in a state of confusion that I couldn’t make sense of but didn’t try to suppress.  I followed Lenora, who was following the trail of blue dots painted on the freshly paved gravel. There was a popular walking trail up ahead that I’d never been on. Veering left, I paused because there was no marked path, only the dense forest.  “Come on, trust me.” I decided to do just that. The terrain thickened as we made our way further into the woods. When I looked back, we were so far in that the trail was no where in sight. I wouldn’t be able to find my way back if I tried. I only hoped Lenora knew what she was doing.  But I had nothing to worry about.  My skin itched at the feel of sweat dripping down my back, and irritation spiked to critical levels. It felt like we were going nowhere. But suddenly, there was break in the trees, and a flood of light broke the shade we once sheltered beneath.  That was when we broke through the clearing in an explosion vibrant colors. Frozen still, we stood in a meadow of flowers that went on with no end in sight.  Lenora let out a boisterous laugh, tossing her bag into the air without a care. She ran forward with her arms outstretched, spinning in circles. So carefree, so happy, it was infectious.  “Come on!” she exclaimed, waving her hands forward. “Spin with me!”  And so I did.  I did not know how long we spun around and around, but my ribs ached as we collapsed to the ground, wheezing in absolute delight. I had never laughed like that before. I’d never had a reason to. Completely alone, we were surrounded by nature. The only sounds heard were the distinct chirps of birds; the grass tickled the slight skin exposed at my ankles, and I relished the wind that ruffled my hair, hanging low and free.  We lay side by side, staring up at the clear sky and moving clouds which our minds conjured into random shapes.  “I found this a few weeks ago,” Lenora said softly. “You know… after Gavin. I needed to get away and found myself wandering until suddenly, here it was. I like to come here now when times are tough. It helps me think.”  Gently, I whisper, “I’m sorry.”  “I know.”  I know? What could that possibly mean?  Lenora sighed, “Only you and me know about this place. You’re welcome to come here anytime.” “Thank you.”  That was the end of that conversation (I think) with a feeling of relief. We seemed to be on the same page because Lenora knew what I meant before I even knew it myself.  “The first time I was lost for over an hour trying to find my way back. But it’s just a straight line, if you think about it. We used to hunt all the time in Botris.”  That must have been easy for her to say. She could survive off the grid for a millennium and never be found. When we first matched for roommates, she said she was from Botris, one of the southernmost states. Conservative, rural and steeped in tradition, they were real country down there. They followed the old ways in every shape, way, and form. While the average span of adulthood for a Little in the dimension was twenty-three years old, in Botris, it was eighteen. “Why Astoria?” I couldn’t help but ask.  It was a question that had been bugging me for the better part of three years.  “Oh, you know…” she trailed off but I didn’t know. Glancing over at her, I found her staring at the sky with her hands clenched into white-knuckled fists.  “Pa was tired of the mines. Three years working on a broken back and hooked on Oxy will do that to you. Pa didn’t want me to end up like him, and so when I had a way out, I took it.”  “And your mom?”  She shrugged. “Ma was never around. She fled just after I was born, or so that’s the story. There’s nothing going for you in Botris. Just work, and if you can’t work, then you're not needed. And you know what happens when you’re useless.” After spending time with Lenora, I got a new outlook on the girl. She was kind and strong with a wicked sense of humor, but there was an underlying sadness within her that mirrored my own. I wondered what she had to go through to come out with such thick skin. I wished we could stay in the meadow for the rest of eternity, but reality was calling our name. We made our way back with a heavy heart which was not by choice. Mother called the college to excuse me from all further classes for the rest of the week. While I could have raised a valiant argument to stay until at least Friday afternoon, this actually worked in my favor. I wouldn’t have to see Theo. At the same time, it meant I was being forced to confront many issues that I’d rather not encounter and had pushed aside for a reason.  The next day, it was a maddeningly quick journey home. Picked up in an unmarked black car, I was strapped into the stupid car seat that left me straining in uncomfortable places. The first sign we had arrived was by the blooming pink and blue hydrangeas planted along the outside of the house. The perfectly manicured lawn almost looked fake at how green it actually was. As we made our way down Ihe long winding driveway past the front gate, it screamed ostentatious - but then again, we were from Astoria.  The house was a mix of old and new, offering a glimpse of the past with modern finishes. There was the wide wraparound porch, original brick painted over white, with black shutters and crown moldings adorned the corners of the three-story home. The inside was much the same. Composed of the foyer when we first walked in. The ceilings were so tall your voice echoed for miles and a staircase led to the next two floors. To the left was the living room, with a stone fireplace, grand windows, and antiques from earlier times. To the right was the day room where Mother could most often be found lounging and taking guests. Decorated by her own hand, it was completely and utterly feminine, a stark contrast to the rest of the house ruled by Father and his ever-changing moods.  I knew this place like the back of my hand. I could count every crack in the floorboards, knew which ones to avoid if sneaking downstairs for a late-night snack, and which corridors to take to avoid detection. Despite all of this, there was a lack of warmth that brittled my bones and left me yearning for me. While this was the house I’d grown up in, it would never be my home.  I was already counting the days until I was back at college.  It hadn’t even been five minutes yet.  “Hello?” I called to no avail. I try again. “Hello?”  Bouncing off the walls, I started to wonder if there was anyone even home. But the sudden click of heels alerted me that I was not alone.  I look up.  Mother.  Standing over the balcony, dressed in her silk robe, her hair was tied into a loose bun at the nape of her neck. If possible, she looked even younger than before, which was not a natural occurrence. She did not come to greet me, embrace me in a loving hug, or even offer the courtesy of a hello. One cold glance over my form, she snapped, “Good. You’re here. You actually listened for once.”  Hello, to you too…    I didn’t take much offense at her attitude because this was the way she’d always been. Cold, distant, and aloof. But, what I did take notice of was the tiny form of woman behind her. Two steps to her right, just before the top step, I could not stop the smile from breaking across my face.  It’s Maria.  OoOoo Author’s Note: Hey everyone! Here is another chapter as promised! Thanks for those who liked the last chapter! Once again, I love to see REVIEWS. It makes my day to see! You know that I always love to hear your thoughts. I write because I love your feedback so reviews mean the world to me, and it inspires me to update even faster!  I should update again soon, but in the meantime, check out my other story!    

Chili macaroni casserole 

Pork chops with yellow squash and a salad. 

Yeah. Even in her infantile state, she'll be going through it. At least she's getting a big sister next chapter.

Thanks. That idea just came to me and it clicked completely.