2011

If Jacob asks Stephanie certain types of "personal questions" on the matter, then things could become slippery.

Chapter 41 Do As You Wish, But …   Auntie Eiboline walked in as the nurse left, the clock ticked between the eight and the nine.   “We have to take a trick up to see them, Sean,” Auntie frowned. “He says that he’s not going to waste time on someone that just needs an excuse to be a baby. But we think we know better… well, he’ll sign the papers.”   “That’s it then,” Sean looked at the doctor. “He’ll sign any papers we need him to.”   “That’s not it, Mr. Kinsella. That’s just the beginning. We’ll get her little body free of what is in there today, and I’ll give you some medicine for her to keep her body moving for a few days, but the hospital is trying to tie my hands. The surgery can only happen once everything is in order, and this surgery needs to happen soon. Trust me.”   “I peed,” Cait whispered up to the doctor.   “I saw, little mouse. It happens more than you need to know. It’s okay.”   Cait put her thumb back in her mouth.   “So, here is the plan,” the doctor talked to Sean. “Right now, we give her come medicine to get her immediate bowels clean. If we need, we will administer it more than once. There’s no telling what is still trying to seep around and how much dried mess is in there. Once we get her immediate needs met, you go home and I’ll send you with this formula for her to drink.”   “Wait,” Sean looked the doctor in the eye. You are going to clean her out so why the formula? I’m not asking you because I question you. I want Cait to understand.” He had that look he gets when he really thinks Auntie is wrong and he wants her to stop and listen to his opinion before they move past something… like he did when Auntie told him I’d feel better cleaning up the messes, and Uncle told her that it’s important that I don’t do it by myself for a while.   “I’m not doubting you that Cait needs to build confidence, Eiboh. I’m asking you to look at it through her eyes for a minute. How does she know it’s clean? She needs supervision. That’s all I’m saying. Not to get it clean, but to not overdo it.”   The doctor nodded. “Yes, I understand.”   “No,” Sean said. “You don’t. All of her teachers, all of the people that should have understood, they assumed that oh, just talk to her like a child. No. Talk to her and make sure she feels comfortable with what you are saying. She’s not a toddler and understands more than people credit her for, but she is also used to people just saying I’ll do this for you, and what they’ve done, is hurt her. Talk to her.”   The doctor looked like he was about to defend his education, his experience, everything that makes him a doctor and Sean, not. But after a breath or two of looking at Sean like Daddy would have if Uncle Sean talk to daddy like that, the doctor calmed down. “You’re right. I haven’t spent the time I need to understand her, but since you have, I’ll tell you what we are doing, but we don’t do anything until you’ve had time to explain it to her. How would that be?”   Uncle nodded. “That’s as it should be. You’re the professional. I’m just Cait’s filter for understanding what you want.”   Cait’s breath relaxed as the two adults came to an agreement.   Sean turned to Cait. “Everything we do right now is not a punishment. You never deserved anything that we must do, but it has to be done to make you healthy pet. So, let me explain part one. Before I do, what are you scared of?”   “What if I pee?”   “You likely will pee, Cait. It’s not a big deal. We don’t want the pee inside anyway, so it’s doing as it should if it comes out, even on the floor.”   “Okay….” Cait put her thumb in her mouth for a moment but squirmed back to face Sean before he continued. “Will it hurt?”   “It will be uncomfortable, Cait. It will not be like getting hit with the belt, but it will be very uncomfortable. It has to happen, though, and I’m so sorry it has to happen.”   “I’m big. It can hurt a little. I don’t mind.”   “Okay, so I’m going to start telling you what the doctor wants to do, step by step, as he does it so you know at least as much as I do about it, and how uncomfortable I think it might be. You stop us at any time if you have questions. I can’t promise we can stop a procedure once it’s started,” Uncle Sean looked at the doctor’s careful stare that said don’t promise that. “But we’ll stop at a good stopping point to explain anything you need, okay?”   “Okay. I’m ready.”   Sean adjusted Kookaberry in her arms.   “The doctor has to put medicine in your bottom. He needs you to try to hold that medicine in for a bit.”   “Twenty minutes,” the doctor said in the background.   “It’s the time it takes the clock to turn to four full numbers, or the time it takes for you to usually take a bath.”   “That’s a long time, Daddy.”   “I know. The doctor says you need to try. If it comes out early, no one will be mad, but we will have to do it again.”   “Okay.”   It was put something slippery but hard against my butt, and then I felt something pushing in. It was… not exactly hurting. I didn’t like it, but it was just pushing. My tummy hated it more. It moved like it was going in circles or something. Then it seemed to start filling up. They stopped.   “I’m gonna poop!” I said to Sean. “I don’t want to poop on the floor.”   “I know,” Sean whispered to me. “But you said no diapers. They told me they normally put a diaper on a kid when they are doing this, especially if this is the first time.”   “I don’t want a diaper.”   “I know. That’s why you don’t have on one, sweetie.”   “Not like this, though.”   “You can sit on the potty chair over there.”   I looked up at the doctor, and he nodded to it.   “No.” I frowned. “It’s okay if you see… but no supposed to watch you on the toilet except Daddy or Mommy. But Asept you and Auntie. Daddy said you my Daddy right now, so you can. But… what if Doctor comes in?”   “Cait, what do you want? You’ll have to go sooner than later, baby. We need to know what you want.”   Cait’s face blushed. “I’m… Used to…,” but she looked down tears rolling down her cheeks.   “I heard, you, sweet girl,” Sean patted her back. “Eiboh. Get a pair of her underwears.”   “With the toilet right there?”   “Yes, Eiboh. Please. She’s demanding it as close to demanding she’s gotten to. This is about her feeling enabled, not about where or what she goes in. I’ll even wash them out.”   Auntie smiled. “No, Sean. You’re right, and besides, I can teach her how to clean them out herself if we do it together.”   “Put ‘em now,” Cait started stomping her feet, crying, and clutching Kookaberry tighter. “Hurry!”   “Cait, can you wait a little more?”   “No. It’s coming. Please.”   Sean frowned. “Okay, sweetheart.”   Chapter 42 Again….   “Little lady, no,” the doctor frowned to Cait. “Not yet, little mouse.”   “It’s already….” And an avalanche (ebolansh) of stuff started to fill her panties just before a huge explosion causing a sound that stunned the room. Such a small body made the whole room burp at once, and then more muddy sludge slid into her panties and down her legs.   The little ten year old girl’s eyes stung. Her face was on fire. She shook in silent hiccups as the last of the mess finally sagged her underwears, smelled up the room, and told everyone present how imperfect she really was.   The doctor looked at Sean. “It didn’t have the time it needed to finish,” he frowned. “We have to do this again.”   Sean frowned. “We will, but not right away. Look, I have all day. You go look in on something else you need to do, and in an hour, we’ll have her ready to try again. If it takes you an hour and a half or two hours to get back to us, I don’t care, but Cait needs an hour, and we need some water and stuff for her Auntie to clean her up with.”   The doctor sighed and nodded. “I’ll be back as soon as I can, then. Meanwhile, I’ll send a nurse along with some stuff to clean her up. I could have the nurse clean….”   Cait shook her head no, and her mouth seemed to be jolted, her cheeks as if they were being pulled late from each movement. Cait felt the vibrations inside her. Auntie and Uncle, they were safe. No one else touches. No. No nurse. Please no nurse. She couldn’t say the words out, so she just had to trust Uncle Sean would know what she was saying. He guessed at what she wanted until this point.   “Actually, the nurse needs to leave the room after she brings stuff. Cait’s not in the hospital yet, and she’s going to need to be eased into this. Her Aunt and I have cleaned her up plenty of times. She’s used to us doing it.”   The doctor departed without any argument. Cait didn’t see when or how he left. She just knew he was gone when Auntie started to remove her dirty panties.   Auntie didn’t start with wiping her bottom after the nurse left, no as the nurse put the stuff by the door, just on the inside of it, Sean nodded. “That’ll do.”   Sean lifted Cait up from under her arms, and he sat her messy panty butt on his lap again. He never says she’s dirty. He never does! He keeps putting her in his lap. She pees, she goes in his lap. She poops in the bath, he puts her in his lap. She poops her pants in the doctors’ where when they leave, everyone will think he made a big mess or something, but he doesn’t care. Right in his already wet lap where she peed on him earlier, she goes. He’s hugging her every time.   “I’m sor….”   Daddy touched her nose. “No, Cait. You better not be sorry. You are saying I trust you, Uncle, when you sit in my lap in those messy panties. If you are sorry you trust me holding you while you have poopy panties… then I’m really sad.” He stuck out his lip.   “I didn’t mean that…,” Cait was confused. Wait. He said it meant she trusted him. He said that he wanted her trust him. He got sad if she didn’t trust him enough to poop her pants in his lap? She knew he wasn’t daddy, but he’d be upset if she didn’t trust him enough to go potty on him? The ghost didn’t even appear. It knew it had no chance. Even Cait couldn’t be embarrassed as she sat there in messy panties on him because it would make him cry if she said she’s sorry we went potty on him?   Cait was smiling when the doctor returned.   “Cait’s ready,” Sean told him. “She’s agreed to let you try again, but she has her way she wants it done.”   Cait licked her lips and glanced up at the doctor while Sean told him everything. She lipped at Auntie for holding her while Sean explained. “Thank you.”   “You let her lie against me when you are giving her the medicine, and you do it with her panties still on her.”   “That’s not how it’s usually done,” the doctor’s voice faltered when he noticed how again, Uncle Sean’s eyes glanced at him with the same gleam Daddy’s did when he had the belt ready for me.   “Now. We’ll navigate that. Then, she’ll sit on the potty chair. She says sitting on the toilet in front of people usually makes her freeze anyway, and you watching, will make her freeze.”   Uncle’s eyes bore into the doctor’s while he plowed on not giving the doctor a chance to say anything. “She says the medicine will probably stay longer if you watch her on the toilet. When you say she can let it go...,” Sean’s voice got louder as if to cut off anything he might say. “She gets to stand up and hug her Uncle while she poops her underpants, and you don’t get to call her gross. Those are her conditions.”   “And you are okay with these conditions?” the doctor asked.   “Of course. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be telling you what she wants. She trusts me to tell you exactly what we agreed on, and it’s important, that doesn’t have to poop in the potty when she’s not sure who will come through the door.”   Cait looked up into the doctor’s eyes, her own glancing down at the floor, up at his, and at the floor again, trying to be polite but wanting to have it done this way.   “She’s used to going in her underwears, and she knows it’s not what her Daddy at home likes, It’s not what the teachers like, and it’s not what anyone likes. But she’s used to it, and with her Uncle holding her, she thinks she’ll feel safe.”   “Well, if that’s how we get this over with for her, then that’s what we do.”   Cait didn’t care if the doctor was confused or not about her wanting to use the toilet to prevent the medicine coming out, and then standing up and getting to let it go in her underwears when the doctor let her up. The doctor was just there, doing what Uncle Sean… what Daddy Sean… told him to do. He was helping her, but Daddy Sean was in charge, and so the only one she didn’t want confused or mad at her… well, two people she didn’t want mad at her, were the two people who have been with her this whole week!   Cait whispered to Sean. “I love you Daddy,” and then she felt the medicine work.   Even as the medicine worked, Cait knew the doctor was over there thinking about why Uncle was saying what he was while she did what she needed to do. “Good girl, Cait-a-kins. Brave… girl. That’s right, all is safe here, hon. I’m so proud of you, little mouse.”   The doctor said a few more things, gave Uncle four bottles of something, and told him that when he comes in next week to get things started, this large packet of homework had to be done.   “He gave you homework,” Cait said as they settled her, now cleaned up again, and in the car happy. “You didn’t know you were going to get homework or you might have said you wouldn’t want me to stay, huh?”   Sean frowned. “No, Cait. Maybe I would have before I knew what was needed, but if I knew what I know now, I’d have told your mom in a letter, or had Auntie Eiboh do it, anyway, that we were taking you for the rest of the year, and they need to do homework of their own.”   “You would have taken me the rest of the year, even knowing how much trouble… that I pee the bed all the time, and now, maybe why?”   “Cait-a-kins?”   “Yeah?” she looked up at him with shiny eyes and a small smirk on her face as if she was playing with him.   “Let’s not talk like you aren’t important anymore, okay? You should know by now that your Auntie and I do not regret taking you in, and that you are important to us.”   “He’s right, you know,” Kookaberry whispered. “They keep showing you that the ghost is wrong. Why do you keep listening to it?”   Cait sighed. “The ghost is…. Well, it’s Daddy, and I have to believe that Daddy….”   “I Know, Kit-Cait,” Kookaberry whispered. “And Daddy does. He just… He isn’t good at showing it—like at all.”   Cait’s eyes felt hot and her chest tightened. “I still….”   “I know,” Kookaberry whispered.   Auntie looked back at Cait. “You were very brave today, little Cait. But as hard as that was, it’s only the beginning. There is still a mountain of things to do to get healthy, little one. So, the medicine didn’t do anything but make it easier on your body for a little while to go potty, but it didn’t fix wetting your pants or stopping the pooping forever, Cait. You need to give yourself permission to especially have accidents at night for a while, okay?”   “Okay.”   “She knows that,” Uncle Sean whispered. “She heard every word of what the doctor was saying. She just don’t always know how to say what she knows, and doesn’t always know if it’s okay to know it. Her mind is confused, but it’s not broken. She knows everything we’ve been saying to her, Eiboh. Just trust her.”   Chapter 43 The Transition and Transaction   As they arrived at the farm, it was six in the evening. It had taken all day, and Sean’s friend, Arnold, an older man with straighter darker hair that went to his shoulders put a hand on his shoulder as he carried Cait into the house.   “How was the farm?” Uncle Sean asked.   “As it should be. Your mare is going to give birth soon, maybe tonight.” The man touched Cait’s face. “Isn’t she precious? What of her?”   “They couldn’t do what need to be done. They just help with some pain and temporarily maybe helped her stop pooping her pants all the time, but it’s just temporary. She needs a lot. I’m going to have to call on you again this week. We have to drive out to her folks’ place to get some papers sign so we can permanently fix her situation.”   “Poor lass. Well, you call on me anytime you need help with her. I’ll watch the farm for you or whatever. You know since the bank has taken my own farm from me a year ago, I’ve been too idle.”   “God help you. Here.” Uncle Sean pulled out an envelope. I couldn’t see what was in it, but Arnold frowned and push it back to Sean.   “Sean. I’m doing alright that way, and trust me, if the state doesn’t help you with this, you’re going to need that a lot more than I will. I have plenty of odd jobs to keep me going.”   “Arnold! You know you worked your butt off here today, and this isn’t even enough if I had tried to hire labor to come out, and you did it the last minute. It’s just a token….”   “Sean! I helped my neighbor. You were in trouble, and I helped you, nothing more. Besides, I loved being able to walk around a farm and feel in control again. Without you here, telling me what you were worried about being done as usually happens when I help you… the place almost felt like my own. I gladly would do this again. You keep that money for that little miss. Get her body working again so she can at least bodily control it when she wants.”   Sean sighed. “Well, let me at least buy you a case.”   “That, I’d be crazy to turn down.”   “Daddy?” Cait looked up at Sean and the man talking. “I peed.”   “I know, hon. You’ve had a hard day. I’d be surprised if you made it potty tonight. But I’m proud of you. You told me this time without needing to be checked on, and you were so brave at the hospital. So brave, Cait.”   Arnald leaned down and patted her head. “Little Miss, don’t you ever be ashamed of who you are. And don’t think that a pair of wet pants… never think that a pair of wet pants is who you are. It’s not. I’m still a farmer, too. I just don’t have a farm anymore, but you don’t forget who you are just because people take things out of your hands on you.”   Eiboline took Cait’s hand. “Let’s let Uncle-Daddy talk, Cait. I have a nice bath waiting for you upstairs. It’ll feel good to get clean after all of this, and then you’re going to have to start drinking that stuff to finish getting your body ready to poop right. It’s not going to be easy, little one, but Auntie will help you drink it. And every time you feel it come out, Auntie will be there to wipe up the mess. You’re our little girl for as long as Dan will let us keep you and take care of this problem.”   The next morning, Arnold brought two strong younger men with him and he brought an older lady with him. He was in the kitchen when Cait was led down with her hair still wet and smelling like bubble bath, her hand in Auntie-grandma’s hand.   “What’s this?” Auntie Eiboline asked.   “You people need to get over there and get those papers signed today. I brought my family to take care of things here. I’m a bit old, but my sons heard the story, about how a little Miss needs medical treatment her parents can’t give her, and how she’s suffering, and we all agreed last night we’d come first thing. When you people get back with her, probably in two days, you are going to need a rest. We will take good care of your farm.”   “I wanted to see the baby horse come out,” Cait whispered.   Arnold bent down and he touched her head. “I’m sorry, Cait, but this is far more important than something even as beautiful as life happening in front of you. But don’t you worry. There are farms upon farms around here. We’ll give you a chance to see life happen, when the time is right. We’ll work it out.”   Breakfast was being cooked already and Auntie looked around the corner into the kitchen.   “You just took over my kitchen?” she looked up at Arnold.   “Look, I know it’s your kitchen, mama bear, but honestly, is the kitchen more important to you or is the little child that you are still nearly standing in front of to protect her?”   Auntie shifted a little so she wasn’t blocking Cait. “I’m not protecting her from you,” she whispered.   “Yes, Eiboline, you were. And that’s as it should be. You’ve earned the right to protect her. I wasn’t criticizing. I was just saying, your kitchen is second, now, and you need to realize that, too.”   “You don’t get to….”   Sean walked in the door. “Arnold, can I talk to you, please. Boys? You know where the farm is. Sheila, turn off the stove and give it a break for a minute, please.”   Cait looked up at Uncle Sean.   “I never meant to overstep,” Sheila whispered to Eiboline in front of Cait. “I just thought with everything going on with the little one, that you had your hands full.”   “You don’t remember that I’ve done it before, my kitchen and a… um… and…,” but she started to cry.   Cait patted Auntie’s arm. She looked up at the brown hair but heavily old person wrinkle face, and she whispered. “I help Auntie. We do her kitchen together. And if I pee on the floor, I can clean it up.”   The lady nodded. “Well.” She had said it so softly, as if she was less sure of what she had been doing. It was almost like… she was saying sorry without saying it.   Cait let the adults eventually hug it out, and Arnold went up with Sheila to help them pack things for Cait and little things Cait will need on the trip.   The trip was seven hours in the car. Cait didn’t say anything. She had heaviness in her head. Her arms were wrapped around Kookaberry, and she stared out the window. “Daddy thought I was gone for the summer. He’s not going to be happy my messy butt is coming back even for a day, making a mess on the floor again, and it’s not even a week, yet. It’s Only Friday. Tomorrow would be a week.”   “Your Daddy hasn’t earned the right to take a break, and besides, Daddies don’t want a break from their kids. They need it sometimes. But they don’t want it.”   “How do you know, Kookiberry?” Cait asked her friend.   “Well…, what did Uncle-Daddy-Sean make for you, right outside, where you can be and he can see you play? Where has Uncle-Daddy-Sean been every time he came in the house, and where has your little wet bottom been when he’s around?”   Cait blushed. “I didn’t pee on purpose… not every time.”   “Cait, I’m not saying that. I’m saying… even when you told him you kind of pushed it on purpose, what did he do with your wet butt?”   “I was in his lap?”   She sucked her thumb and started to fall asleep.   Chapter 44 And He Didn’t Say No, Neither   Cait felt the bump of the bumpy road to her farm when she next woke. Her seat under her was soaked in pee. She rubbed her eyes and pulled Kookaberry to her chest. She looked around and recognized some of the other farms. It was like three in the afternoon. Daddy was supposed to be in town, working. That’s why she was sent away, right? The only ones at home should be mama and her two littler sisters. Her older sisters will be around, but they are supposed to be looking after the farm, the think that Cait couldn’t do. That was the reason she was sent away. She buried her eyes with her arm. It hurt that she was sent away because she peed her pants, just like now, and she coudn’t help on the farm.   “That’s right, though,” the ghost whispered. “Even Sean has a pen to put you out of the way because you wander. He is keeping you safe so you don’t get hurt. You’re too stupid to take care of yourself, and you’d poop your pants out there, and Grainne has no time to clean you up, so you’d just sit in it. And Mama is too busy for you. You make nothing but...(chomp).”   “That. Is is enough.” Kookiberry dead pan stared at the now more solid than ever almost see through demon in the car next to Cait, it’s own dress soaked and it’s eyes dark circles. “You are way too hard on yourself, ghost. You are not a nothing. You are not stupid, and you are none of the things Daddy made you out to be. You are no longer protecting the living. She’s safe. You need to stop this, now.”   “How? Daddy’s going to say no. I know him,” the ghost whispered a hiccup of a whine in its voice.   “I don’t know,” Kookiberry whispered. “But calling her… calling yourself the names you think that man wants to hear. That’s not doing you any good. You need to stop believing those lies.”   “But he’ll yank us back. He’ll hit Cait for even asking to see a doctor, and wait until Sean tells him she pooped her big girl underpants on purpose in front of the doctor—on purpose!”   “Uncle Sean has no reason to say that unless Daddy brings it up where he has to answer it, but if it’s brought up, you watch how Uncle Sean hugs her. He’s not leaving the farm without the papers. I promise you that.”   “You can’t be so sure. I’ve seen Daddy. He can do anything he wants. People do what he says.”   The car stopped in front of the house. No one came out to greet them. It was quiet.   “Auntie? Can you change me in the car?” Cait asked in a whisper. “If Mama sees me like this… first thing? I don’t want to.”   “Sean, don’t get out, yet. Let’s put some clean pants on Cait first. She deserves to see her mother in confidence.”   Sean nodded. “Go ahead and clean her up, Eiboh. I’ll just organize the papers.”   He turned and smiled at Cait. “Good girl, hon. You tell us exactly what you need and want. We don’t want you to be scared, if we can help it.”   “Did you poop your Underwears?” Eiboline asked her little baby cousin, her eyes soft and her hand just touching Cait’s arm.   “No? It just peed… really bad.”   “Hon,” Sean whispered. “There’s no such a thing as peed...really bad. Pee is just pee. It comes out or it doesn’t, hon. It’s not really bad. Please stop beating yourself up every time you lose control. The doctor said you have other problems, not just trapped poop. The poop being out of the way, is probably making it easier for pee to come out, but that’s as it should be.”   “Cait?” Eiboline whispered. “You want to know why I asked, hon?”   “So you know how hard you have to do to get it clean?”   “No, sweetheart. I don’t mind cleaning and to me, poop or pee, it’s nearly the same, but to you… poop is still a little hard to manage on your own. It’s messy and especially on yourself, it’s hard to get it all. I’d need to help. It’s only pee though, so this is what we are going to do, little one. Take off your skirt.”   Cait undid her skirt and removed it.   “And your underwears…,” she did.   “Now, move to the dry half of the seat, little one. Auntie just wants you to see, you can manage.”   “So, now, I put on clean stuff?”   “Now, you’re getting it. You don’t need Auntie’s help at all to change your wet pants, do you, hon?”   “The seat needs cleaned.”   “We’ll worry about that later. Now, after you finish cleaning up, you go up to the bathroom, on your own, and you soap up a cloth and clean yourself and then dry it, and then pull your pants back up. Can you do that?”   “What do I tell Mama?”   “Nothing. I’ll tell her it was an eight hour drive. You’re going to freshen up, and while a lot of people think that means you’re going to pee, it’s not a lie. You are freshening up. You’re just cleaning the pee off your legs so you don’t feel icky.”   “Okay.”   As Mama came to the door, Cait looked down while Eiboline smile and hugged her. “How are you getting on?”   “Oh, the little one inside is kicking!”   “That’s as it should be,” Sean smiled. “Shows it’s going to be strong. Where’s himself, then?”   “Well, he’s in town, isn’t he? Surely he told you he’d be working in town this summer. My letters explained all of that.”   “Aye,” Sean frowned. “Well, Cait, go on up to the bathroom, pet,” Sean said in front of her mom.   “Sean, she’s going to just pee all over the house. She can just….”   “Maire! Dan made it clear to me that she’s our responsibility this summer. His rules don’t apply. If she messes something up, I have to pay for it, so if I send her to the bathroom, she goes.”   “Alright. You’re right. Cait, do as your uncle says.”   Eiboline looked at Sean, but Sean frowned at Eiboline and then he nodded at Cait’s hands which were shaking near her legs.   “I’ll take the little pet up,” Eiboline whispered. “She’s just a little nervous.”   Cait looked up. “Uncle-Daddy?” she whispered.   Maire looked from Eiboline to Cait in shock. “What did you say?”   “She’s a child, Maire,” Eiboline whispered. “Children say the things that make them feel safe. Don’t do this.”   “Eiboline, she called him Daddy!”   “She called him uncle-daddy, and honestly, that says more about Dan than it does Cait. Cait is a little kid. No little kid should feel the need to call anyone else daddy. She doesn’t call me, mommy, does she?”   “How do I know that?”   “Well, you can believe what you want…. But the truth is, that man, hasn’t even acted like a father to any of your children, and you know it! He’s got two little girls out there running a farm by themselves. That’s what we were told anyway. And he called his own daughter a liar first chance he got to talk to me!”   Maire backed up.   “I’ll just take Cait up,” Sean reached down and picked Cait up and started to carry her.   “Are you going to pull her pants down and wipe her too?” Maire called up at them.   “If he has to, he will,” Eiboline put an arm around her cousin. “Perhaps if a certain dad allowed her mother to do it when she was a lot younger, she wouldn’t need as much help!”   And the noises of Mama and Auntie arguing faded into background noise as Cait started to see the multiple stains on the stairs going up….   There was the trail stain that went from her bedroom to the bathroom, and a multi-layered stain of yellow and darker rug material in front of the bathroom. The place where she’d peed so many times in her pants, that it was impossible to get clean. Then there was the bathroom.   The old belt next to the tub reminded Cait of the rules that she doesn’t move when she’s peeing or else. There was the tub where daddy forced her clothes off of her nearly ripping them when she wasn’t fast enough, and the fact he scolded her the whole time he was cleaning her filth from her, or had Grainne doing it. Grainne did it more as she got older, but at least the belt didn’t come out as much as she got older… because it was Grainne handling her.   She looked up into Uncle Sean’s face.   “Go ahead, Cait,” he whispered. “As Auntie-grandma said, you can do this yourself. You’re a big girl. I can just wait outside….”   “No.”   Sean rose an eyebrow at her. “I won’t let anyone come in on you.”   “I… I want you in. It feels… better… I… I can do it, if you stay.”   Sean nodded. “You are still a big girl, Cait. I want you to know how much I trust you to be a big girl, and how proud of you, both your aunt and I are. So… how about this? I know this bathroom in particular is scary?”   Cait looked down. Her voice was small. “Very scary, Uncle-Daddy! There’s the belt I’d get it if Daddy had to clean me up for pooping my pants or if I moved too much after I started to pee.”   “That thing stays in here?” Uncle’s face crumpled.   “Yeah.”   “Oh, hell, no!” He picked it up and he jerked the window open and ripped out the screen. He dropped the belt down to the ground. “Let’s see if he can recover that thing. And if he so much as acts like he blames any of you girls, because none of you have the power to rip out the screen like that… well, let’s just say there are people that would like to talk to him, sweetheart.”   “You… you ripped the window,” Cait frowned.   “And I’d do it again. Don’t worry, I’ll pay for the screen, but not the damned belt. That thing had no place being in here. It’s no wonder you are so fu… um… scared of windows, baby.”   “You can say ‘fuck’ Uncle. Daddy says it all the time when he’s mad.”   “Now.”   Uncle Daddy hugged Cait for a long moment before he released her. “Now, that stupid belt isn’t blocking the tub, is it, hon?”   “No?”   “Are you scared of the tub?”   “Are you leaving the bathroom?”   “Nope. I’ll just turn my back to give you some privacy. You are ten years old, little lady. Unless Uncle needs to help with something, like if you pooped your underwears or something… there is no reason for me to watch you naked, little lady. You go ahead and pull down your skirt and underwears and clean up, and if you want, I have all day… your shirt and undershirt, too, little lass.”   Cait hugged him. “First. Thanks.”   Then she started to run some water in the tub. If he’s going to let her wash off, then she wanted a bath, and he didn’t say no, either.     Chapter 45 The World Is Turning, Still   Light little steps stopped in front of the bathroom and a small little tapping was starting to register. Cait hadn’t heard it while the tap was full blast while she filled the tub. She hung her clean clothes up so she could put them back on because her wet things, mama never saw them. They left them in the car in a plastic bag, and they had told her, ‘Cait? Your dad left you with us. He doesn’t need to know you peed, little lady. It’s our job to look after you. He made that clear last weekend, so don’t tell him you peed. Is that okay?’   Cait was now in the tub, and this was definitely against Daddy’s rules, that she was taking a bath FIRST in THIS house, TODAY! She saw the ghost sitting on the toilet, it’s panties down and it was doing something Cait had never seen it do… it was peeing in the toilet. Well, she never saw it pee—it’s pants or in the toilet, but now, it was peeing in the toilet.   Cait sighed deeply as she picked up a rag.   “Grainne! Open up!” an urgent little voice called through the door. Now! I’ll just pee in the tub if you’re on the toilet. Please! I don’t want Daddy to catch me peeing my pants again!”   “That’s Roisin,” Cait whispered to Uncle. “Let her in, fast. I don’t care if she sees. She’s gonna wet her pants!”   Sean turned just a little, as though bringing his ear closer to her. “Cait, are you sure?”   “Yes, Goddamn it!” Let my little sister pee in the toilet so she doesn’t get in trouble!”   Sean quickly opened the door and he brought the child to the toilet and put her down by it.   “You’re Uncle Sean?” Roisin suddenly shuddered and pee started pooling at her feet. Her hand went to her mouth and her eyes watered. Her head shook, her knees banged, she kept peeing.   “Rossi,” Cait whispered from the tub. “Get the Bear, Rossi. Get Kookiberry. It’s okay, just finish peeing where you are. Daddy won’t be as mad if you don’t try to move. Uncle-Daddy? Kookiberry. Let her hold him!”   “Roisin? That’s Kookiberry. He’s been potty training me with Uncle’s help, only he can’t fully do it yet. I have something really bad in my body, something that’s not me, and Uncle-Daddy knows it. And Kookiberry knows it. And the doctor knows it. That why we here, not to take you from Mama. Daddy wouldn’t do that. Mommy will know he’s cruel if he does that. He says you too little to be taken from mama yet. And the mess on the floor, you tell Daddy it was there when you got here, and tell him I did it.”   “That’s ly…”   “That’s sur-bible, little sis. He knows I pee my pants. He will blame me first, so you not doing nothing he won’t already think. You just hiding your own wet for now. You can’t help it, you have to. Daddy…. We threw his belt away. See?”   Roisin frowned. “Where it go?” Her finger was in her mouth, and she was drooling.   “It flew out the window, and it’s on the ground where all snakes belong. Not in the house.”   Sean frowned. “Go get some clean clothes, miss. We’ll wash our your dirty stuff after you change. For all your dad knows, we got you wet with Cait taking a bath, and we just rinsed it out for you and hung it.”   “You’re not yelling at Cait?” Roisin frowned up at Sean.   “Why would I?”   She sucked on her finger for a minute and then pulled it out. She pointed it at Cait. “Daddy said she’s bad, and she went to stay with you to learn to be good. She has to milk those big giant animals with horns that can stab you and kill you, and she has to be careful, but you’re strong, so you won’t let them kill her, but she’s still scared of them.”   Cait narrowed her eyes. “What?”   Sean whispered. “Now.”   Cait nodded. Sean was telling her to keep the peace. Don’t mess with Daddy by telling her little sister too much or he might think she pushed for answers and get in trouble.   “Well, you tell daddy the mess was on the floor when you came in, and you slipped on it, and you caught me taking a bath. Then you not lying. Everything’s true except the wet on the floor, only there was wet on the floor from the tub… so… you not lying at all, okay?”   Roisin came back but she just carried her clean clothes.   “She still gets bathed, especially if she pees,” Cait whispered to Uncle. “I’ll bathe her. Take her clothes for her. It’s okay. I’m giving you permission, and she’s my little sister. If mom wants to spank someone, she can spank me.”   Roisin frowned. “You don’t have to….”   “Who’s the big sister, Roisin?”   “You?”   “Then you have to do what I say unless Clo or Grainne come in and say different. Now let him take off your clothes, and you hug Kookaberry the whole time. You whisper to him you are scared. You tell him that you peed your pants. He’s a good listener, and he doesn’t mind if you pee your pants, okay?”   As Cait put her little sister in the tub with her, and started to wash her hair, she whispered to her. “Uncle watches, and he doesn’t watch for me to be bad. He doesn’t care if I pee at the table, in front of the bathroom, or even getting out of bed and leaving trails.”   “What?” Roisin asked.   “He doesn’t look for bad Cait,” Cait told her. “He watches, but only to help. When I peed my pants, every single time, he picked me up and hugged me. He even put me in his lap in the middle of it.”   “That’s gross.”   Cait nodded. “I know. That’s what I’m telling you. He doesn’t mind the gross. He doesn’t hit for it, too. He hugs you until you don’t feel like crying. He lets Auntie give you a bath. He helps you dress if you ask. He carries you naked through the house to look out at the window after you are fully clean.”   “He does?”   “And Auntie tells you how to clean it up, so you don’t gotta look at shame all the time. She teaches you how to do stuff for your own. I peed in the car just outside, before we came in. They told me to change my own pants, and I did it!”   “How come you in the bath if you changed?”   “Auntie and Uncle said it feels better not to have ick on you, so they just said wash off, but Uncle told me to wash my chest, too, only if I wanted. Then I said I’m taking a bath, and he didn’t say no… so here we doing it. Full baths, together. No shame. No… no crying in front of me. I’m the sister that poops her pants, be member? You don’t feel shamed at me. I worse pottier. Be member that!”   Cait frowned. “Roisin? You stop letting Daddy catch you being wet all the time.”   “How?”   “You run to Clo and to Grainne, and you make your hands open and close like this,” she showed grabby hands, “And you whisper to them that you peed. Grainne will understand that you feel shame now, and she’ll start protecting you. She didn’t know I felt shame at seven because I was too scared to tell anyone and Daddy kept being able to take me to the bath… and that means the belt. When you show you know shame and you don’t like Daddy to give you a bath… Daddy has to think you older and it’s time to give you new rules. So he won’t let you up in the morning, and you have to pee the bed on purpose, but you don’t get hit, and Grainne or Clo gives you baths, and they don’t hit.”   “That will work?”   “I think so. Dad started having Grainne bathe me and told me to stop trying to get up in the mornings to go because I pee the bed all the time. He did that when I turned ten, and Mommy and Daddy made me hear Mommy tell him I’m too old for him to bathe me. If you tell mama you feel funny Daddy doing it, Mommy will help you.”   Cait washed her little sister’s back. “The doctor says I don’t poop my pants on purpose.”   “Huh? I thought you did.”   “Me, too. I even told the doctor I tried to get it to start, so I don’t hog the bathroom. He said that that’s not pooping on purpose. He said… I don’t really understand it all. He said I have a something called…. A… Hand in ya.”   “A Hand in ya?”   “Yeah. It’s your stomach stuff is in the wrong place it causes the poop to get strange and not come out right, and when it watery, it harder to stop, so you poop your pants from it.”   “Oh.”   “Do you have water-poop all the time?”   “No?”   “Sure?”   “Yeah. It’s big and like this round, and like a lot of like mud-logs.”   “Okay. If it gets watery-poops, and it happens a lot? You don’t let him call it being a flu. It’s only flu if it happens one time. If it comes back and cold season didn’t stop, but you stopped with cold, then you make Grainne write to us.”   “Okay.”   “Do you feel better?” Cait asked Roisin once she was clean. “Can I help you dress, or do you want to go find Mama?”   “You do it. I don’t want Mama to know I didn’t make it.”   Chapter 46 Control and Conflict   Uncle-Daddy held me with my clothes now on, and Roisin walked with a hand on my leg and an arm with Kookaberry tucked in her elbow and her thumb in her mouth. The hall was quiet. As we reached the bottom of the steps, Mama was talking to Auntie-grandma.   “Eiboline, I don’t have a choice. You and Sean were wonderful to take in Cait, but honestly, things are so messed up right now, there is no way you could fix everything if you wanted. Cait is the one that I was worried about. Just focus on her for now.”   “Dear Maire. We’d make room for you and all the girls. You know that….”   “I know. But don’t. Dan… he’s powerful. He’ll not only find us, but you’ll lose your farm.”   “If he was that powerful, how did he lose his farm?”   “I can’t tell you, Eiboline, and it’s not because I don’t know. It’s because it’s the wrong thing to do. Just trust me, he didn’t have to suffer, and he hasn’t lost it yet. He’s got the elder girls out there working on it right now.”   Uncle Sean put me on the floor and he whispered. “We should go find your sisters while your Mama and Auntie are talking.”   “They’re working,” Roisin popped her thumb out and handed me Kookaberry.   As we came outside, I ran over as soon as I saw her, my littlest sister, Aoibhe. “Aoibhe!” I ran and tackled her to the ground tickling her. “How much did you miss me?”   She was laughing and trying to scoot away immediately.   Roisin came up on us, and she got that look in her eye, the one that told little sister… it’s little sisters against the big sister!”   “Wait! No. I didn’t even tickle you!”   But it was war of tickles for several minutes until we were all laughing.   When the tickling was done, and the gasping had faded, Cait helped both of her sisters up. “I still pee,” Cait told her sisters. “But I’m not scared to do it no more. I’m not scared to say I did it. And I’m not sorry that I do it.”   Both of her sisters looked at her with their fingers in their mouths.   “I’m your big sister. Daddy can’t hurt me no more, and Daddy is going to not hurt you, neither. He doesn’t control you, if you don’t let him. He can hit. He can yell. He can scare us with words, but the can only scare us, if we let him.”   Aoibhe frowned. “What?”   “Uncle Sean got rid of his belt. I can say ‘fuck’ too. Daddy doesn’t scare me.”   The sisters looked at each other.   “Cait,” Sean put a heavy hand on her shoulder. “Don’t speak too boldly in front of him. You are safe, but your sisters are still here, baby. A siege takes months, not days, Cait-i-kins!” “But, a sage is you get one thing at a time that the evil lord needs and stop it. He needs us scared. I just teach not to let scared of words. Belt is real. But if sisters pee pants on purpose, he doesn’t that power on them. They hold each one and another, and Daddy says you baby, but they look me, and I not baby. And I don’t sorry I peed. That how safe work?”   Sean sighed. “If you corner a snake, it will bite, Cait. You need to teach them to let some things slide and to defend themselves when it hurts, like you told the older one to have Grainne write to us if one of them gets watery-poops. That’s something they can do that won’t corner the snake, as long as the snake doesn’t know.”   “Oh.”   “Where are your sisters?” Sean asked the elder Roisin.   “They had to go to the far field today. Daddy said must cut up the grass up there and get field for fall stuffs that grow.”   “Well, Cait, what do you say we go help your sisters?”   “They won’t let me. They’ll be scared of Daddy being mad.”   “Daddy said you are my responsibility and I’m saying you can help. He has no say. And he’s not here, and he has children trying to run an adult’s work. He isn’t in charge. He has to be present to be in charge, Cait.”   “Okay.”   We walked towards the field, and even my little sisters were walking with us. Sean didn’t shoo them away or tell them that they were too small.   As the four of them crested a small hill, they could see both sisters with small curved sharp tools, whacking at the tall grass. The hay was still not in. This was proof. The big girls were trying to do it with old fashion tools because they couldn’t be trusted with a machine that could kill a child if something went wrong.   Sean started to call out to them. “Lassies! Little ladies! Hey!”   Cait ran ahead towards Grainne.   It seemed to take quite some time to get there. Cait figured the hands on the clock, the big one, must have moved 3 whole numbers from the time she saw the small shadowing things in the fields until she hugged Grainne from behind. She paused and backed up. Her mouth hung open. Her legs shook. Her thumb went to her mouth.   Grainne dropped the small tool with a blade into the grass. She fell on the ground, and was looking up at Cait. Giant tears were in her eyes. Cait was staring down as her sister lay in the uncut grass looking up at her.   The noises further away showed that Sean and the little sisters had met with Clodagh.   “Grainne?” Cait whispered, a tightness in her throat and a strange strong scary rise within her chest seemed to wrestle with her throat insides. “What… what happened?”   “Don’t tell Daddy,” Grainne whimpered up at Cait her face red and her eyes closed tight as though she was ready for the belt. “Daddy said it has to be all done by today! We were too slow this week. We had a week, and Daddy said we didn’t even do nothing, so he’s gonna be extra mad if we don’t get it done.”   Cait scratched her head. Why does the field needing to be done have anything to do with how her sister’s butt felt. It wasn’t just wet. It was… Grainne would be in so much trouble!   “Daddy-Sean! Help!” Cait suddenly turned to him. “Daddy-Sean! Please! Grainne in trouble!”   He came running over with Clodagh, and she had a soaking wet skirt on.   “Daddy said they’ll get it if we don’t get this field done today,” Cait told Sean.   “What nonsense! Two children? All of this?”   “Daddy would do that,” Cait told him putting her hands on her hips. “Grainne pooped her pants, and she’s scared he’s going to know she did.”   “Nonsense. No one needs to know that happened. Roisin? You wanted to help, didn’t you?”   “Yeah?”   “Go to your sister’s drawers and get her clean pair of panties and a clean skirt. Can you?”   “Come on, Aoibhe!”   “Girls? Get Clo some clean clothes, too!”   They gave a thumbs up.   “Cait, take your big sister over there, and wait with her. Clo, come here, hon. How long you kids been out here?”   Clo shrugged. “It’s hot.”   Sean walked over to the silo where the hay goes, and he sat with the three elder sisters.   “Grainne? Get those messy things off. It’s not good for you. I won’t watch, and you can hid in the hay if you want, but you get those messy clothes off, okay?”   “I can’t take my pants off outside! Dad will have a cow?”   “Too late,” Sean smirked. “I already have a bunch of them. Now take those off and not another single word about your Dad. He’s not here right now. You are children. I am your uncle. I am in charge. That’s the end of it.”   Cait nodded and walked over and started to help Grainne.   “What are you doing, Cait? You’ll get gross on you!”   “That’s what you do when someone needs help,” Cait told her looking her in the eye. “You can wash off gross, but feelings are harder to wash away. You are a person, first, and my big sister! I’m not letting you sit there in those messy panties another minute, and I’m not going to have you doing this all by your alone. I know what it feels like, and I also learned what it feels like to have someone care.”   “What?”   “Uncle-Sean-Daddy! He holds you when you pee your pants, Grainne. He would hold you, if he wasn’t trying to be careful your feelings of you wanting to be a big girl.”   “You’re lying. No one holds gross girls!”   “Am I? You wait and see what he does next time I pee my pants.”   Grainne frowned. “I hope he’s not teaching you to be bad. You got sent away to learn to be good. If you are bad, he might get rid of you for real next time, with someone we don’t even know!”   “Daddy can’t because Uncle Sean is already here to take me until December. I saw a doctor.”   “That’s a waste of time. Daddy says so. You are a baby, that’s why you pee your pants.”   “That’s not what the doctor says, Grainne. But I forgive you. You don’t know no better than what Daddy tells you.”   “Cait, help your big sister. Just because she’s a little older doesn’t mean that cleaning off poop is easy. Just get her as clean as you two can. It’ll be okay. Clo, you get your panties changed. Little ones, come and let Uncle show you a fun game called “Let’s gather the straw!”   When the sisters came back with clean clothes, and the elder kids were all good again, Cait was working with Clo. Sean was working with Grainne. They were making better time in the field now that the big sisters weren’t in shame. And the little sisters, though their hands were so small, they grabbed the bits of straw from the ground and threw it into the silo.   “Now,” Sean leaned in to the five children as the sun set on the horizon threatening to take the light out of the day. “I have one shiny quarter for each of you who works until sun down, getting as much hay in the silo as you can, but you need to do it separately so I know who to give an extra quarter to. Then, he winked at Cait.   Cait winked back.   As they brought the hay in, Cait hid out inside, and she kept mixing the different piles together, and when the sun set, the girls came in, and they looked one to the other. “Our piles are mixed up!”   Sean walked in behind them, and while he scratched his head, he winked over at Cait again. Cait winked back again.   “Well, dang. I know I saw five little girls hard at work. But this bigger nice pile looks so much better than five little disorganized piles! That’s teamwork, that is. You know? Since we have no idea whose pile is bigger now, I have no choice but to give you all two quarters a piece!”

Most of Labor Day I wore a t-shirt and a diaper. same as most of the time I'm at home. When I went out to work in the  yard I put on plastic pants and gym shorts, when I went to the store I put on more formal shorts over my diaper. 

Labor Day was a no-potty/all-diaper day. I wore tape-on diapers exclusively, out working in the yard, and going to the store.

Hi all! i have been curious about this for some time. I have been playing pretend in my own head and out loud when in private for a very long time and at this point its become second nature. I cant seem to make myself play with toys but its like the easiest and most consitent way for me to regress has always been making up stories and characters in my head. I wear diapers to destress but my little age is on the older side. Does anyone else do this?