2011

“Young lady i dont believe you, how can you say this harmless im not having you wetting yourself all over the house” i say ”now get yourself cleaned up im going shopping to get supplies” i then leave

“Tonight is fine. Ill see you later” i say before hanging up i do a bit more shopping before heading home.    Due to inheritance i had a lovely house right on the beach. I smiled as i sat in the lounge watching tv waiting for you to arrive. 

Chapter 41 Lucille stirred awake, her eyelids heavy and closed. Letting out a yawn, she stretched her arms and legs above her, trembling slightly as she felt the stiffness leave her body. She yawned and opened her eyes slowly. She thought it was strange she wasn’t swaddled - she usually had a blanket constricting her tightly.  Then she stopped. Something was off. Her eyes adjusted to the light - why was it so bright in her room? The blackout curtains usually made it dark until Nana opened them, but the sunlight was beaming in through the window. And the ceiling looked different - no mobile hanging above her. Come to think of it, everything was different - gone were the pink walls with cartoon decals, the bars of her crib nowhere to be found… where were all her toys and stuffies? And why was the room so small… and yet so big? She rubbed her eyes and looked again. It dawned on her - here she was, back in her box apartment. Back in her world. Her heart jumped. Was it all a dream? Was that even possible? She looked down at herself; she quickly got her answer. Long strands of blonde hair fell messily in front of her eyes. The words “Nap Queen” were emblazoned across a footed sleeper she wore (not that she knew what it said), and the bulge between her legs indicated she was indeed still wearing a diaper - judging by how clammy it felt, she had been heavily wetting during the night.  So it wasn’t a dream. Yet here she was, in her old room. What was going on? She jumped as the alarm clock next to her started buzzing. She darted her gaze toward it, and for a moment her brain panicked about what to do. How did this thing turn off again? She smacked the top of it a couple times and eventually it stopped.  Weird… what did she need an alarm for…? Then it hit her. It was time to leave for work - in fact, it was time half an hour ago. She stumbled out of bed, immediately hitting the floor with a thud. She wasn’t used to the lack of security a regular bed offered. She rose to her feet and shuffled over to the closet - there were her regular clothes.  She never thought she’d be happy to see those old hand-me-downs.  She reached behind to try and pull down the zipper of the footed sleeper - and quickly found her fingers grasping futilely at it. Sitting at the base of her neck, it simply wouldn’t budge no matter how she pulled at it. Why was a zipper so complicated? She huffed and looked at the time… she was late, at least she thought she was. She decided she had no choice but to go as is. She left the small apartment, went down the hall, and was faced with stairs. Though sized for her body, she found them… daunting. When’s the last time she had to go down stairs by herself? Was it always this scary? With few other options, she sat down on the first seat and began to slowly shuffle down each step on her butt, one at a time. Her diaper was certainly wet, its cold padding sticking to her skin as she made her way down. Eventually she made it. She felt a little proud of herself for that.  Riding her bike simply wasn’t going to happen. She decided to walk… and got more than a few stares. She was uncomfortable. She felt silly. But eventually, she made it into work, despite not having a strong sense of the direction there.  “There you are! …The hell are you wearing?” Her boss scolded. At least, she thought it was her boss. Must be.  “I’m sorry… I don’t…” she couldn’t muster up an explanation - for anything. Why she was dressed this way, why she was here, why she felt so confused.  “Never mind. Go stock aisle 3.” Lucille nodded and toddled off to the aisle. It was probably aisle 3. She started unpacking a box, and looking at the products, she quickly realised… what did any of this even say? The writing was confusing. The words were big. She had no idea where to put any of it.  The buzzing of the dull fluorescent lights above seemed to grow louder. Lucille shuffled back and forth on her feet and began to sweat, unsure of what to do. Her diaper was wet. Her bottom stung from the rash. She wasn’t happy, not at all. Tears of frustration began to well in her eyes and she started to pout.  “Oh my god,” she heard a voice from behind. Looking back, she saw a group of people staring at her, their eyes trailing down to her feet. She looked down and saw a large dark patch forming at her groin, snaking down her legs before extending in a yellow puddle at her feet. She dropped the box and covered her wet patch with her hands as best she could - for all the good it would do.  “Clean up on aisle 3, right?” One person said. They all laughed. At her. At how silly she was.  She hated it.  “Nana… Mommy…” Lucille sniffled to herself, staring at the still expanding puddle beneath her and hoping that somehow this would just end… — And end it did, suddenly and with a jump. Lucille’s eyes were once again open and staring at the ceiling - this time, she saw her mobile above her, turning silently. She was constrained familiarly in her soft swaddling blanket, and beneath her she felt the plastic-coated mattress surrounded by tall wooden bars.  Her paci bobbed in her mouth, and nestled right next to her head was Tiara, keeping watch over her. Another dream. She sighed… a sigh of relief.  What was she even relieved about? — One diaper change later, Lucas was sitting secure in his high chair, eagerly awaiting something to eat. Even after getting an extra helping during the night, he found himself hungry after the previous day’s events. While Hazel was in the next room preparing breakfast, Juliette was entertaining herself before classes began.  “Pretty pretty, little baby…”  She chanted in a sing-song tone, flopping Lucas’ pigtails up and down, standing on a chair she had pulled up beside Lucas’ high chair to match its height.  “Mwah!” Juliette planted a big kiss on Lucas’ forehead. He smiled and looked away, blushing at the attention.  “Julie, quit it…” “Luci, you should lemme put makeup on you again today! You’ll be super DUPER extra cute!” “Uh…” “Yay! I’m excited! Makeup day!”  Juliette made up her mind fast.  “Good morning, your Highness!” Hazel said, entering the room.   “Mornin’ Miss Hazel!” “Oh, you’d better get down from that chair, honey. We wouldn’t want you falling over, would we?” “Uh-uh. I was just playin’ with Luci.” Juliette answered, climbing off and allowing Hazel to sit down.  “Well, I’ll make sure we squeeze in some playtime later. Doesn’t that sound fun, Luci?” Hazel smiled, setting down a jar of baby food on the high chair’s tray.  Lucas nodded and stared at the jar. It was pale green. He couldn’t read what flavour it was, but by now he was able to tell based on the colour of the purée. This one certainly wasn’t his favourite, and he grimaced.  “Can I have the other one, Nana?” “Hm? Other what?”  “Food,” Lucas pointed at the jar, “I like the yellow one more.” “Yellow, huh? You mean the banana?” “Yes please.” “You don’t like this one?” Hazel asked, picking up the jar. “It’s broccoli and peas! It’s important to get veggies in your tummy, you know.” “Please Nana…?” Hazel stared a moment, then nodded. “Alright, since you asked nicely. But you’re getting some veggies tomorrow, okay?” Lucas nodded. That would be a problem for tomorrow morning. Hazel smiled and patted Lucas on the head as she arose to return to the kitchen.  “No veggies for me,” Juliette said, “I get a big girl breakfast. See?” She showed Lucas a bowl of what looked to be the most sugary cereal around, accidentally spilling some of the pink-tinted milk from the bowl as she held it up like it was a trophy. Lucas giggled at her, and Juliette giggled along.  Hazel searched through the cabinet, the one specifically designated to hold a stockpile of purée jars for the Princess. She rummaged through to see if there were any banana flavoured ones remaining. They were definitely due a restock - she would have to pass that along to the staff in charge of making sure the cabinet was never empty. Eventually, she found a jar of banana flavour and replaced the veggie purée, keeping it at the front for tomorrow’s breakfast.  She paused a moment before returning to the dining room. She yawned and rubbed her eyes, still feeling the effects of last night’s partying. She definitely wasn’t her sister - she just wasn’t cut out for the party lifestyle. She was happy to be back taking care of the Princess - a relationship she found more rewarding than she’d ever had romantically, despite her mother’s prodding.  She re-entered the dining room, and tied a bib around Lucas’ neck. He cracked a light smile when he saw the yellow jar placed in front of him. Hazel smiled back.  “Let’s get you some nummies, hm?” Hazel began feeding Lucas the mush, and though it certainly wasn’t his ideal meal, it went down easy enough. A few spills were captured securely by his bib, which had become part of the expected routine by now. He wasn’t so embarrassed about being a messy eater these days. Though he liked it less when it coated his lips and cheeks.  “So,” Hazel began, “how was yesterday?” “Okay… I think.”  “Just okay?” “Mhm,” Lucas nodded, swallowing down another mouthful. “They took lotsa pictures.” “Well, I look forward to seeing them. Your Mommy was certainly very excited for you!” “I don’t wanna do it aga- mmph!” Lucas’ reply was interrupted by another dripping spoonful in his mouth.  “Oh? Why’s that?” “Prolly cause she got in trouble…” Juliette snickered on the other side of the table.  “What?” Hazel looked over. Lucas shot her a glance and shook his head in warning, but that only intensified Juliette’s signature tattle-tale expression.  “Luci got a span-king!” Juliette giggled in a sing-song tone which mocked Lucas. “I heard Mama talking about it to Miss Angie.” “Oh dear,” Hazel said, returning her gaze to Lucas with a more stern expression. “Now what were you up to, hm?” “I was jusht playin’ aroun…” Lucas said, his mouth still filled with the purée, dripping down his chin.  Hazel tutted and began to wipe his chin with the bib. “Well, that explains your red tushie this morning. And here I thought it was just a rash…” Lucas said nothing. He didn’t feel bad about his actions yesterday - he still remembered why he’d done them - but reflecting now, it felt… strange. Certainly out of character. What had begun as an attempt to emulate some of Juliette’s playful mischief had at some point in the day become something more effortless. Something that Lucas didn’t know he had in him… an ability to commit to the role.  To Lucille.  In fact… he felt like Lucille for most of yesterday. It was only dawning on him now, at breakfast, after his dream, that he was still Lucas, not Lucille, despite what people tried to make him feel…  Wasn’t he? — A few hours later, Lucas sat in his playroom, behind the secure confines of the playpen which dominated much of the space. He was idly shifting between various toys strewn about, playing with one thing for a few minutes before shifting his focus. It was an effective way to pass the time. He was dressed in just a t-shirt, which bore a picture of a smiling flower on it, and his diaper.  Hazel was seated nearby, reading a book and seeming to enjoy the quiet time. Lucas looked over at her, and after a moment he noticed that her eyes began to droop, and her grip on the book became loose. Lucas crawled up to the mesh gate of the playpen and sat by it, staring at Hazel for a minute before speaking up.  “Hey… Nana?” Hazel jumped slightly in her seat, her eyes shooting open. “Yes, Luci?” “Are you… okay?” Hazel looked at Lucas in puzzlement and placed her book down.  “Of course, honey. Why?” “You just seem sleepy, is all.” “Oh, that,” she laughed, as if to brush it off. “Nana just had a… late night.” “Mommy said you were having a day off.” Hazel nodded. “Mhm. I was seeing my family, actually.” “What did you do?” “Huh?” “With your family, I mean.” “Had breakfast, walked in the park… I met up with my sister in the evening.” Lucas nodded. He hadn’t really imagined Hazel’s life outside the castle… almost from the day he had first arrived here, she was by his side, or at least nearby. He knew that logically she wasn’t just there to take care of him… but it felt a bit like first realising your mom or dad had a life before you were born. It was a trippy moment.  “Are you… seeing them again?” “Not for the time being.” Hazel walked up and lifted Lucas from the playpen, nestling him in the crook of her arm. “I’ve got a certain someone who keeps me pretty busy, after all.” Lucas looked down and was silent. Hazel noticed.  “Something wrong?” “Nana… I just…” Lucas tried to find the words. “…I’m sorry you have to take care of me.” “Oh, baby, what?” Hazel’s tone was shocked and dripping with sweet sympathy. “Why on earth would you be sorry for that?” “I dunno… I just feel like I can’t do anything by myself, and you have to do all this stuff… feed me, watch me, change me… I just hate that you can’t do other stuff in life ‘cause of me.” “Oh, sweetie…” Hazel pulled Lucas in tighter for an embrace. “First, never be sorry for needing some extra help with things. It’s not your fault at all, and nobody would ever think it is. Secondly, you’re not keeping me from anything, really. Living here in the castle is what I love doing.” “But it’s just… I’m stuck here. That’s one thing. I don’t wanna make you be stuck here too.” Lucas focused hard. Articulating his thoughts, expressing them verbally, was a skill he hadn’t been using very frequently as of late. His words had to be deliberate, constructed. These big thoughts were a little more daunting now than when he’d first arrived.  “I’m not stuck here, baby. I choose to work here and take care of you, every day. It’s the best job I’ve ever had. I could be doing something else, but why would I want to? I get to have a play date with the loveliest Little in the kingdom every day. Doesn’t even feel like working.” Lucas finally looked back up at her with hesitation. “Really?” “Really.” She booped his nose playfully for emphasis. “And while we’re on the subject… I’ve known you for a little while now. I know what kind of life you came from, back in… you know. All I’ll say is, are you really stuck here? Or were you actually stuck there, for a long time, without knowing it?” Lucas blinked, and stared. He didn’t answer. His brain had to work a little harder to wrap around what she was saying. When he started to get it, his lips pursed. Big feelings. Hard thoughts. That would take some time to work out.  But he was starting to get it.  Hazel smiled and kissed Lucas on the forehead sweetly, setting him down in the playpen. “Anyway, Nana is getting a little tired… why don’t you sit tight here while I grab something to perk me up?” Lucas nodded and Hazel left the playroom. Moments like these made Hazel glad the royals put so much work into Lucille’s facilities in the castle. The fact that she could step away and leave the Princess alone for a short time and be certain of her safety within the playpen was a blessing when it came to quick coffee breaks.  Lucas sat thinking in the playpen, stacking some blocks idly. He was using it as an opportunity to practice some spelling - he’d gotten the Avalir equivalent of the word “cat” pretty down by now.  Hazel’s words still rang in his head. And so did the dream he’d had - back in his old life, yet he felt so out of place. Frustrated in his lack of ability to do, well, anything. Somehow, in a world actually designed for him, he’d felt smaller than ever. Sure, Hazel said she didn’t mind taking care of him, but it didn’t make it any less frustrating. He still remembered what it was like to do things like dress himself and use a toilet.  Lucas looked over and saw his unicorn stuffy Tiara, propped up nearby, seeming to look at him. In moments like these, he was finding it helpful to imagine what she might say, if she could talk. Someone who understood him. A real friend.  “I feel so dumb, Tiara. Why is everything so hard?” “Everyone needs help sometimes, Princess!” Tiara replied - in a sense - with her flowery, bright voice. “Just turn that frown upside-down!” “Easy for you to say,” Lucas grumbled, looking at Tiara’s permanent, embroidered grin. “But it’s not just sometimes. I need help all the time now. And my dream… I still feel silly. I pee-peed in front of everyone like a big dumb baby. I couldn’t hold it…” “And that’s okay!” Tiara said. “That’s what Littles do!” “But I don’t WANNA be a Little!”  Lucas let his frustration erupt for a brief moment and knocked his stack of blocks over. He watched them clatter to the padded ground, and followed one as it tumbled across the floor. Eventually it stopped, knocking against something hollow and plastic. He recognised it after a moment - it was Juliette’s old training potty, the one he’d asked Hazel to bring down to the playroom. Seeing it there gave him an idea.  “You’ll see,” he said, turning to Tiara in a moment of renewed confidence. “As soon as I gotta go pee-pee again, I’m using that potty. I’ll PROVE I can hold it.” Tiara said nothing. Which made sense. But Lucas had other things on his mind. He began searching for other toys to play with, something to occupy his thoughts until he had to go. He chose a rattle, before quickly getting bored and moving on to a picture book, which had an electronic component which read aloud some of the pages. He found that useful, because some of the words on the pages looked pretty big for him to attempt just yet.  But in the back of his mind, he was laser-focused on monitoring his bladder. It was taking a great deal of his concentration, but if he was going to ever convince the Amazons to allow him to try and regain his potty training, he knew he had to prove himself. Maybe this was the start of a new day for him… to be free of diaper changes, to getting things back to how they should be.  He’d allowed himself to become too demoralised these past months, taking the hand dealt to him with a defeatist sulk. Sure, his attempts to have some independence had been iffy in the past, but he was riding high from yesterday’s Operation Prissy. He was on a roll! He could do anything! She was a Princess! Oh… he decided to ignore that last part.  On he went with playing with his toys. Hazel sure was gone a while… at least it felt that way. He didn’t really know how much time had passed. He was sure she knew what she was doing. Besides, this mission of his was best done in privacy for now.  He was starting to think it wouldn’t come. He’d had his breakfast this morning, which usually meant the need to pee within an hour or so. It should be due any minute. What was the hold up? Then it hit him. A brief glimmer, a twinge that warned of an impending wet diaper. Drawing on the focus he’d been building up, he managed to stave off the urge. He was doing it - holding it in. At last! He knew he didn’t have much time. He rose to his feet and set his eyes on the target. The potty sat on the other side of the playpen like a safe haven. He began taking steps. - walking, not crawling - towards it. He found each step exacerbated his need to go a little bit more, and his gait was by no means elegant. Along the way, a few drops did make their way into his padding. But he wasn’t counting that. He just had to hold most of it.  Each step seemed to take longer and longer, and the looming spectre of doubt began to show itself in his head. But determined as he was, he didn’t listen to it. After what felt like an age, he was within reach. He turned his body around and plopped himself down on the plastic seat. In a photo-finish move, he let loose.  Within an instant, he heard the hissing sound of pee flooding out of him. He held on to the sides of the potty, to steady himself and to make certain that he’d actually made it. There he was! Using the potty like the grown-up he really was. He giggled to himself in triumphant giddiness. He couldn’t wait to show Nana! Eventually the stream ended. He sighed in relief, and then looked down to admire the result of his effort. Looking between his legs, he saw… nothing. The inside of the potty was as dry as the outside.  What gives? Then it dawned on him… despite all his focus, his determination, despite holding it and making it all the way to the seat… he hadn’t even taken his diaper off.  Indeed, the inside of the padding was warm, and wet. He’d sat down on this training potty to prove he could do this, and wet himself anyway.  He looked over to Tiara, still propped up and staring outward silently. He scowled at her. His fists balled up.  “Shut up.” He murmured.  Just then, Hazel reentered the playroom, holding a mug of steaming coffee.  “I’m back, Prin-” She paused when she saw Lucas sitting on the plastic potty. She smiled and took a brief sip from her mug.  “My, look at you, big girl! Do you have to potty?” Lucas stared downward. He felt defeat.  “No, Nana.” — Later that evening, Charlotte and Alexander underwent their nighttime routines. Getting ready for bed together was just about the only time of day they got to spend alone in each other’s company - if even that, as oftentimes one or both was away on royal business. Charlotte sat in bed while Alexander performed some light trimming on his beard in the en-suite bathroom.  Charlotte scrolled on her phone and opened an email which arrived in her inbox. It was from Trisha - the test images of Lucille’s photoshoot had arrived.  “Wow!” She said to herself. “They work fast.” She opened the attachment, and was greeted with several high quality images of Lucille, all with watermarks to ensure security for such an important subject. The photos depicted the Princess in all of the backdrops they had seen on set, and several of them had mockups of potential slogans for the purposes of the diaper ads.  “Queen of the Sandcastle.” “Her Royal Dryness.” “Because every Princess deserves a comfortable throne.” “Ah!” Charlotte cooed. “So adorable!” “Hm?” Alexander asked, having finished his routine. He got into bed next to Charlotte.  “It’s the mockups from Lucille’s photoshoot yesterday. Look!” She showed Alexander the phone. He looked at an image of Lucille, sitting atop a mock throne, surrounded by plushies, padding just barely visible. The “Royal Tushies” logo hovered above her head.  Alexander’s face moved, barely. He nodded and immediately turned his attention away from the screen. Charlotte felt deflated. There he goes again, she thought, dismissing something I’m excited for.  “Honey,” she asked, “Can’t you show a little enthusiasm? This is our daughter. Don’t you like it?” “It’s lovely, dear.” His tone didn’t strike her as truthful.   “What’s the issue, Alexander?” She began to grow frustrated.  “Issue? Why don’t you tell me? I said it was nice.” “You know what I mean. Lucille has been here for months and yet you’ve hardly spent any time with her. You’ve only seemed to get less interested, not more.” “I’ve been busy. You knew I would be.” “We’re all busy, Alexander. We still make time - even Leo has gotten very close with her.” Alexander scowled a tiny amount. “I’ve noticed.” Charlotte glared. She was sick of this attitude from him. She had hoped seeing Lucille perform ballet would help speed things up, but clearly not. She had to force Alexander to start taking this seriously.  “Darling,” she began, “you have that diplomatic meeting in Broadsland this week, yes?” “I do,” he answered, a hint of hesitancy in his voice. “Leo is coming with me.” Charlotte nodded and looked away. “I want you to bring Lucille as well.” “What?” He asked. “You can’t be serious, darling.” “I am serious. Why wouldn’t I be? If your son can go, so can your daughter.” “Leo is a growing boy, and he’s versed in etiquette. He knows how important meetings like these are. Lucille is…” “Is?” “She’s a baby. I don’t need any scenes at this event.” “She’s a baby, yes, so people will understand. She’s part of the royal family, Alexander - or did you forget that? You agreed to let her join.” “I know, I know.” He sighed. “I heard of her behaviour at the photoshoot yesterday. It’s one thing for her to act out at some PR stunt, but at a diplomatic summit? Do you think that’s wise?” Charlotte sighed. “Yes, she was a bit… testier than usual. You can bring the regression pills if it’ll help you feel better. Those should help her relax.” “I don’t think it’s a good idea.” “It would upset me if you don’t.” Alexander looked at his wife. The two stared at each other, playing a game of chicken with their eyes. Charlotte was not one to back down from her husband, especially when it came to her babies.  “…Fine.” Alexander caved first. “But have Hazel come too. I don’t want myself or Leo distracted by any silliness.” “Just so long as you make sure she’s included. No hiding her away backstage.” Alexander nodded wordlessly. He clearly wasn’t happy.  “Juliette and I have been overdue some one-on-one time, anyway. She’s been wanting to go to shopping - I’ll have to take her.” Alexander nodded to get the conversation over with. If Charlotte thought she could get him dealing with the messy business of Lucille like she had Leo, she had another thing coming. Allowing a Little into the family had been one thing, but it was time to establish some royal boundaries.  For him and his son. 

Reducing the liquid bread is a good start.  Prior to my current condition, I gave up soda but replaced it with ethanol blended carbs.  I finally got afraid enough of diabetes (there's a bit of a story involving diapers that caused the scare), that I started cutting out more and more carbs and then seed oils.  I lost about about 20 kg in less than a year.  During this time I was not hungry, I just limited what I ate. Besides wearing diapers, my "new" diet gave my wife one more thing about which to complain.  I've since back off being as strict as I was and some weight came back.  Now, I am more mindful about what I eat. 

“Punishment? Theres no need to get to drastic. I mean..its all harmless. No ones getting hurt…right? I mean..” *my sentence was cut short as I felt a small tinkle run down my leg. This time..I felt my heart sink. This feeling never happened when I just let go in my pants. But this time was different. This time….i had no control. I did my best to keep a straight face. I started to rush to the bathroom as I dribble a good bit down the hall and into the bathroom.*