2011

I find it interesting that there are two instances that Sarah sends Matthew on an errand that would send him into the daycare room. a couple of other thoughts that I had, what if other people could be having experiences like Matthew and his reality would be altered without him being aware of the changes or what would happen if Matthew walked into a room at the same time as another person?

Back to work after a week off, so no padding atm, though it was Astro Unplugged. I didn't go for my walk on Monday morning due to the wind and that I didn't want to be up when the mall opens, so I missed my goal by about 200 steps and broke my streak on Scrambly.  I did put on a Tykables Detective Marty, before bed, but didn't use it.

Chapter 8: Diaper Training It takes about four to five hours for a full dose of the laxatives to take effect. Jamie began feeling it at one o’clock, which was about four hours after he took them. Ms. Hana wakes them up after six o’clock, so it was essentially the middle of the night. However, Jamie didn’t know what time it was, nor when Ms. Hana would wake him up. BRATs are never told the time, nor given access to anything that displays it. Any device that reveals the hour, such as a clock or a phone, is kept out of reach. This is intentional; the adults control every aspect of the routine, and little kids have no say in the matter. Instead of relying on clocks or knowing the actual time, BRATs keep track of their day by events and activities. Breakfast follows playtime, which leads to outside time. Afterwards comes lunch and then nap time. There isn’t a clock in the nursery, and Jamie’s phone was in Ms. Hana’s room. Unlike Tuesday night, Jamie didn’t try to stay awake. He wasn't physically tired, having slept eight hours the night before and taken a one-hour nap in the afternoon. But why fight it? With everything that had happened since Monday, he was mentally exhausted. As soon as Ms. Hana turned out the lights, he closed his eyes and drifted into a dream. Sleep offered a brief escape from his current reality. However, it didn’t last. He woke up to a mild, uncomfortable cramping in his stomach. He thought it was just gas, but it was soon clear that it wasn’t gas. Without warning, a warm, soupy mess came out of his bowels, and his diaper filled with a mix of brown liquid and pee. Jamie looked around, but his nursery was too dark to see. At first, he tried to go back to sleep, but he couldn’t get comfortable. When he was on his back, the mass shifted across the rear of his diaper, and when he lied on his side it collected along the edges. The odor became so intense that he could no longer ignore it. He was desperate to get out of the messy diaper, but he didn’t know how. In normal circumstances, he would simply wake up, clean up, and then go back to sleep, but these were not normal circumstances. He knew he wasn’t allowed to change his diaper, but he didn’t know how to get Ms. Hana’s attention. He wasn’t even sure if he was allowed to wake her up. Jamie weighed his options. After a few minutes, he realized just how absurd it was. He was a grown man, sitting in a crib and trapped in a messy diaper. He tried to lower the rails, but they were locked. He searched for a latch, but he couldn’t find one. The rails were too high to climb, and too sturdy to break. He was essentially trapped in a cage, with no way out. With no other option, he yelled, “Help!” Ms. Hana didn’t hear the cries. She was exhausted after a restless Tuesday night. Jamie’s fiasco took a toll, and Emily stayed out until one o’clock in the morning. She checked on him at midnight, right before going to bed, but he was sleeping, and his diaper was clean. She didn’t want to wake him up. She planned to look again at 2 o'clock; but she slept through it. Each nursery has a monitor to allow RAs to know what is happening inside. In most cases, the cries would be enough to alert Ms. Hana. However, Tyler snores and she often mutes his monitor. Unfortunately, she accidentally muted all of the monitors. Jamie called out a few more times, trying different methods, but none of them worked. Nobody came to his rescue. Eventually, in an act of pure desperation, he cried out “Mommy!” It was a difficult word to say, but at that moment, it was his only option While Ms. Hana didn’t hear it, Ms. Samara did. Usually, midnight cries are the responsibility of the RA, not the SA. However, when she heard Jamie cry out, ‘Mommy,’ She went downstairs to see what was wrong. Much like a small child, who only wants his mommy, Jamie wanted Ms. Hana. While Ms. Samara was kind, she wasn’t Ms. Hana. When he saw her enter the nursery, he cried, “Where is Ms. Hana?” Ms. Samara ignored the plea, and asked, “What’s wrong sweetie?” Although, she already had a good idea, and it was confirmed when the odor hit her nose. “Oh! I think I know. Let’s get you out of that stinky diaper.” Jamie cried, “But I want Ms. Hana?” “I know honey, but she’s sleeping. Don’t worry, I can do it.” She grabbed his arm and brought him to the changing table. This wasn’t the time to negotiate, and BRATs aren’t allowed to negotiate with adults. “Hop on the table, sweetie. Stay calm; I’ll have you back to bed in no time.” Jamie was too tired to protest and calmly let Ms. Samara change his diaper. Because it was so messy, it took a while. He fought to keep his eyes open, and Ms. Samara had to give him a gentle nudge when she finished. “Let’s go back to your crib.” She guided him back and raised the rails, ‘”Nitey-nite, sweetheart.” He went back to sleep, and barely stirred until Ms. Hana woke him up. At some point, he started to pee, but he wasn’t sure if it was a dream. Ms. Hana felt guilty for forgetting to check on Jamie and leaving him in a messy diaper. She made sure to wake him up first, and she was surprised when there wasn’t any odor coming from his diaper. She assumed he was holding it in, and scolded him. “Jamie, are you holding in your poo-poo? Remember, pee-pee and poo-poo go in your diaper.” Jamie protested, “I’m not! I pooped. Please don’t make me take that medicine again.” “You didn’t like the medicine?” Jamie thought about it, and in his most grownup voice he said, “I’m sleeping great, but it makes me wet the bed.” Ms. Hana laughed, “Sweetie, you’re not wetting the bed. Pee-pee goes in your diaper.” Jamie shrugged, “Okay, but I don’t want to sh-“, he stopped himself before cussing. “Poo in there.” “Well, you don’t have a choice; poo-poo goes in your diaper.” Jamie whined, “But I woke up with sh-.” Once again, he stopped himself before saying the word. He composed himself, “with a stinky d--.” He was going to say diaper, but he couldn’t say it. “I didn’t know how much longer I had to wait for you.” Ms. Hana understood, “I guess that’s kind of yucky, isn’t it?” She asked, “Who changed your diaper?” Jamie mumbled, “Ms. Samara.” “That was nice of her. I’m sorry that I didn’t hear you on the monitor. I promise, I won’t let that happen again.” She felt his diaper again and said, “your diaper is only a little wet, so I’m going to wait.” Ms. Hana gently guided Jamie out of his crib. As he stood up, a small amount of pee went into his diaper. It was a strange sensation, but an important milestone. Ms. Hana’s mantra was starting to have an effect. The warmth and sogginess of his diaper made it hard to hold it in. It was also oddly comforting; but the thought of liking diapers scared him. He didn’t want to admit to peeing in his diaper, so he kept it to himself. Emily was temporarily at level 3, so Ms. Hana had to wake up four BRATs. Ms. Samara wasn’t up, but even if she was, Ms. Hana wants to greet her BRATs in the morning. She considers the morning routine essential for establishing a nurturing bond with her BRATs. She went to Stephanie’s nursery next. Stephanie was already awake when she entered the room, happily playing with her stuffed animals. Upon seeing Ms. Hana, she greeted her with a cheerful, “Mommy!” “Good morning sunshine!” Ms. Hana felt her diaper, which was soggy as usual, “Do you think it can hold some more?” It was a curious question to ask, given that Stephanie rarely pays attention to her diaper. Even if she is aware of its condition, she ignores it; especially in the morning. Stephanie didn’t respond and kept playing with her stuffed animals. Hana smiled kindly and remarked, “I guess you wouldn’t know, would you?” She gave the diaper another squeeze and added, “I think we can wait until you do a poo-poo.” Tyler was still sleeping when Ms. Hana walked into his nursery. At home, his dad wakes up the entire family at 4:30 AM; even on weekends. Tyler prefers sleeping later when he isn’t around his dad, but little kids aren’t allowed to miss breakfast. However, he didn’t resist when Ms. Hana woke him up. Emily was the last one. Big kids don’t have to wake up for breakfast, and Emily usually sleeps in. Ms. Hana struggled to wake her up, and when she did, Emily cried out. ‘Five more minutes.” Ms. Hana calmly replied, “No, I’m sorry honey. It’s time for breakfast, and I need to change your diaper before we leave.” Emily has struggled with potty training since her promotion to level 4. It’s been more than six months, and she still wets her bed. Pull-ups don’t hold enough, so she has to wear a diaper; and it’s always soggy! She hasn't noticed any improvement at night. Her daytime control hasn’t fully returned either. She didn’t go back to panties until June, and she’s had a few accidents since then. There were three in July, and two in August. It’s been absolutely humiliating for her. She hates wearing diapers at night, but changing them by herself gives her some dignity. She huffed, “I can do it myself.” “No, you can’t! Only big kids are allowed to do that.” She protested, “But I am a big kid, Mommy!” Ms. Hana reacted firmly, “You aren’t one today! You didn’t want to be a big girl yesterday, so you can’t be one today. Stop pouting! Get on the changing table and let me change your diaper!” Emily knew what that tone meant. If she didn’t listen to it, she would end up in the playpen. She stopped pouting and climbed on to the changing table. Even though it took a firm reprimand, Ms. Hana made sure to praise her compliance. They held hands to form a human chain and walked to the dining room; Ms. Hana was between Jamie and Tyler, while Ms. Samara was between Stephanie and Emily. There were three other human chains coming out of the other houses. Jamie sat in one of the five highchairs, along with the other toddlers. The five preschoolers got to sit in regular chairs, but they had to use sippy cups. The other twelve were either adults, or older BRATs. Even though it’s contradictory to the regressive model, BRATs can drink coffee in their sippy cups. Since BRATs aren’t actual children, most of them like it. It also provides a couple of advantages: it helps BRATs feel energized, and it’s a natural laxative. Ms. Samara knows how everyone likes their coffee, and serves it how they like it. Stephanie likes it with a lot of sugar, and a lot of milk. It’s almost like she has a little bit of coffee in her milk. Tyler’s dad only lets his family drink black coffee, but Tyler likes to have a tiny bit of milk in it. Emily likes her coffee with a little bit of sugar and some milk. However, due to her ADD, she is very sensitive to sugar and tries to limit it. After serving everyone else, Ms. Samara asked Jamie, “So, how do you want your coffee, sweetie?” Jamie mumbled, “like Emily.” Ms. Hana glared, but Jamie didn't know why. Tyler mouthed, "Say please." He restated, “Can I have it like Emily, please?” Ms. Samara smiled, “Yes, and thank you for using the magic word.” Ms. Hana smirked, “I knew you would remember. Thank you.” It was a standard breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast. The big kids and adults could have their eggs fried, but little kids had to have theirs scrambled. The preschoolers used utensils with big handles, but toddlers had to use their hands. It made Jamie’s face very messy, and Ms. Hana wiped it clean before she let him out of his highchair. Even though he pooped, he still felt the effects of the laxatives, and the coffee didn’t help. He tried to relieve some of the pressure, even peeing in his diaper. He thought he was discreet, but it was obvious. Stephanie was the first one to encourage him. “Why aren’t you pooping? Mommy gets mad when you hold it.” Rather than following Stephanie’s advice, Jamie moved to a different part of the room. Ms. Samara tried to help. “Honey, you need to poo-poo. Don’t hold it.” As usual, Tyler was blunt. After his diaper was changed, he went to Jamie and said, “ Dude, you just have to do it. Don’t hold it in. I know it sucks, but it’s worse if you don’t.” Jamie responded, “I did.” “You did? When?” Jamie blushed. Even though it was expected, he still felt ashamed. “Last night.” “Oh, did Mommy give you some medicine?” Jamie nodded. “That’s sucks, dude. She did that to me last year.” Jamie blushed, “It was disgusting! I had to sit in it until Ms. Samara changed me.” “I’m sorry about that. Just a warning, you better do it again. If you don’t, Ms. Hana will give you more medicine tonight. I’m telling you, you’ll feel so much better. We all have to do it, so nobody will judge you.” Ms. Hana watched all of this unfold, without interfering. Ideally, it would be far more impactful if Jamie had a true accident, rather than reluctantly pooping in his diaper. She knew he couldn’t hold it forever, but he was miserable. After a few minutes, she lost patience and pulled his diaper back, even though she knew he didn’t poo. She shook her head when she saw it was clean. “Jamie, pee-pee and poo-poo go in your diaper. You’re doing good with pee-pee, but not poo-poo. I want you to go poo-poo in your diaper.” Jamie cried, “But I don’t want to.” Ms. Hana gave him a stern look and pointed to the corner. “Go to the corner, now!” “But.” “Now! You aren’t allowed to hold in your poo-poo.” Jamie whined, “But I don’t need to go.” Ms. Hana asked, “Do you want to go back in the playpen?” Without waiting for an answer, she guided him to the corner. Understanding the situation, Jamie chose not to resist and quietly faced the wall. Ms. Hana gently praised him. “Thank you for going to the corner, like I told you to. I think you need to poo-poo, but you don’t want to. Pee-pee and poo-poo go in your diaper. You’re staying here until you do a poo-poo in your diaper.” Jamie tried to answer, but Ms. Hana put a pacifier in his mouth. After that, everybody ignored him. Jamie didn’t have a choice; he closed his eyes, and pushed with his stomach. It quickly relieved the pressure, but the smell was overpowering. Ms. Hana kept him in the corner a little while longer. In the end, he spent nearly 20 minutes facing the wall. It felt even longer to him. Finally, Ms. Hana pulled his diaper back to check. “Let’s see if you did a poo-poo in your diaper.” She examined the contents, “Yay! You did. Everybody, give Jamie a big cheer!” Jamie heard everyone shout, “Yay! Good job, Jamie.” The pacifier was still in his mouth, so he couldn’t say anything, not that he knew what to say. The diaper was so heavy that Ms. Hana had to be careful changing it. It was leaking and his onesie was wet around the legs. Jamie noticed that he was peeing without even thinking about it; the wetter it got, the harder it was to stop. It’s exactly what Ms. Hana wants. Ms. Hana was playful and cheerful as she changed his diaper, acting like he was doing her a favor. Once again, she doused him with baby powder and lotion, making him smell like a baby. After she finished, she gently patted his bottom and said, “Good job, honey. Doesn’t it feel better to have a nice clean diaper? Where does pee-pee and poo-poo go?” Jamie reluctantly responded, “in a diaper.” “Yes! It goes in your diaper. Okay, go play with the others.” By this point, quiet playtime was almost over. However, Jamie was curious how the other BRATs handled wearing diapers. He hadn’t had much of a chance to talk with them, since he spent most of it with a pacifier in his mouth. He sat next to the other three and asked, “How do you guys deal with this?” Tyler asked, “What do you mean?” Jamie answered, “Use your diaper? It just feels weird.” Tyler replied, “It is, but you get used to it.” Emily laughed, “And it’s hard to stop using them after you get used to it.” Tyler and Stephanie gave her sympathetic looks; both of them knew how hard it was for her. She and Tyler were promoted at the same time, but it only took Tyler a few weeks to get back to normal. Jamie remarked, "I didn't want to go back in a playpen, that’s why I did it." Tyler nodded, “Yeah, I hate that thing.” “Does that happen a lot? How many times have you been put in it?” Tyler replied, “I’ve only been at level 0 once, but mommy has put me there a few times after a timeout.” Emily warned, “Whatever you do, don’t pout. Mommy doesn’t like that. If you do, she’ll put you in the playpen for the rest of the day.” Stephanie bragged, “Mommy never puts me in the playpen.” Tyler smirked, “That’s because you never get in trouble.” “It’s easy not to get in trouble! Mommy only gets mad when you don’t listen. Just do what mommy says and stop when she tells you to stop.” Ms. Hana noticed Emily tugging at her waist, which was a sign she needed to pee. Normally, Emily uses a timer on her phone to remind her to use the bathroom every hour, which helps prevent accidents. However, she couldn’t use her phone while she was at level 3. As a result, she didn’t pay attention to her bladder, and didn’t realize she had to pee. Emily’s struggles were especially puzzling, because she doesn’t like wet diapers. That normally makes the transition easier, but that wasn’t true with her. Most BRATs have accidents when they first reach level 3; it’s why they have to wear Pull-ups during the day. Accidents aren’t factored into promotion, but they have to manage them themself. That’s where she struggled, because she didn’t always react to her accidents. Her Pull-ups frequently leaked, which is why she failed the first time she was at level 3. Apparently, Emily struggled with potty training when she was a child. When her mom found out about her accidents, she laughed. “That sounds very familiar. I didn’t think you would ever get out of diapers the first time, so it makes sense that it’s been hard for you this time.” Ms. Hana saw the same patterns that she saw in the young children at her mom’s daycare. She wondered if the tugging was a signal that she needed to pee, rather than reacting to a wet diaper. She considered trying some of the techniques she used in the daycare; however, by the time she identified these patterns, Emily had advanced to level 4. They don’t infantilize big kids, so she couldn’t use them. Instead, she tried subtle hints, but they didn’t work. Emily needs a direct approach. However, her temporary demotion provided an opportunity. Because it was a punishment, a little bit of infantilization was appropriate. Ms. Hana prompted her, “Emily, honey, it’s almost time to go outside, why don’t you try to go potty before we go?” Emily replied, “But I don’t have to go, mommy.” Ms. Hana looked back dubiously and asked, “You don’t?” At the daycare, she would ignore the refusal and take the child to the potty. But she didn’t want to do that with Emily, so she tried again: “You should try. If you need to go while we’re outside, somebody has to take you.” Emily hesitated before responding, and then reluctantly agreed. “Okay.” The request made her feel like a little kid, which she hated. However, asking someone to take her to the potty was worse. Mostly, she was mad at herself. Once again, she failed to recognize the urge to pee. Emily felt a sense of dejection when she left the bathroom. Ms. Hana, gently asked, “Did you go?” Emily admitted, “Yeah, you were right. I guess I had to go.” Although it was patronizing, Ms. Hana made sure to acknowledge her effort. “Good job!”. Nearby, Ms. Samara remained silent, but offered a supportive thumbs up.

“Hey, I can hear, young lady. Eat the sandwich if you want to, but the baby food and baby bottle still are waiting for you,” Annie reminded Kayla of her lesson, “You should take a shower after your dinner and get a clean nighttime diaper.”