2011

"Now, now, Ruby." Penny said to Ruby as if she were a big sister playing house. "This will make you nice and full, so we can enjoy the cartoons." Penny gently wiggled the bottle in Ruby's puffed up face, convinced that she was play acting for the sake of their night out. The cartoon continued, showing Donald play acting as a baby to trick his nephews. Ruby may not be trying to trick Penny, but it's still fun to play house together.

Hi wetmonkey, I'm from Quebec, did you find you play partner?  

Je suis de Québec

Ruby's cheeks turned bright red when Penny presented the bottle.   She immediately puffed out her cheeks and turned her head away with an embarrassed pout.   "Nope!"   She folded her arms stubbornly and refused to look at the bottle.   "Penny, I'm not drinking that!"   Ruby peeked sideways at Penny, still visibly flustered.   "I asked for something to drink, not to be treated like a baby. I don't wanna drinkfrom a baby bottle!" Ruby whimpered and pouted making her look like quite the fussy baby

Chapter 14    I pulled up to the Lions club building and walked inside. The crowd was bigger than usual. There must've been close to 30 people crammed in that room, all jabbering with each other.    Mrs Charleston was walking between the desks, placing a set of three stapled papers on every one. Once the last one was placed Mrs Charleston shouted, “Alright everyone! You may now take your seats!”    I hustled over to my usual seat, but Ash's desk, next to mine, was empty. “Starting at exactly 6:00 you will all have 30 minutes to complete the test. Any questions left unanswered will be deducted from your total score. You must get a 65 to pass on full and a minimum of 55 to receive a provisional license.” Mrs Charleston explained firmly.    Suddenly Ash burst open the door. “I'm here! Am I too late?” She asked.    “Nope, you still have two minutes. Take your seat.” Mrs Charleston said.    Ash quickly hustled to her seat, then immediately she looked at me. “I know it's a long shot. But I have to try.”    “We never stop trying.” I clenched my fist and smiled at her, then she nodded and smiled wide.    Mrs Charleston called, “Pencils up in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.” She pressed a button and the timer dinged to tell us it started.    I flipped the test over and immediately read the first question in the multiple choice section. “What is the main difference between diapers and pull-ups?”    “That's easy!” I thought, “You can pull pull-ups down yourself!”    Question two was even easier , “If you need to pee, where do you go?”    “Obviously the potty.” I answered confidently.    Question three was a bit tricky, “How do you pull your pants down?” Looking at the options I didn't see any that made sense so I thought deeply about how I would pull my pants down if I could. I selected, “Two thumbs in the waistband.”    The fourth question was mechanical, “How do you flush a toilet?”    I had to really think about that one. Flushing had never been my job, there had always been a grown up there to do it for me. I thought back to all the times it had been done while I wasn't paying attention, “The Little White Handle.” Was the answer I chose. Thinking, “What else would that handle on the diagram be for?”    The multiple choice questions were all decently easy. But when I got to the written questions things suddenly became almost impossible.    Question one was, “You're in a grocery store and suddenly need to pee. But the bathrooms on the other side of the store. What do you do?”    I thought about that until it felt like I was thinking too long, so I started writing, “I would start running as fast as I could in order to make it to the bathroom without having an accident.”    Question two was just awful, “You’re outside playing with your friends and suddenly you need to pee, but it's so fun you don't want to stop. What do you do?”    “I stop playing and go inside to pee. Staying dry is more important than having fun playing.” I wrote and it was true, I really don't play outside much these days anyway.    Question three was impossible, “How do you poop in the woods?”    “Crap, craaaap. I have no idea. There's no potty a out there so everything else would be an accident, right?” I thought carefully then I wrote “I would hold it until I got home.”    Question four was really gross, “When is it ok to pee on someone else?”    At least this one was fairly easy, “It is never ok to pee on anyone else or yourself.” I wrote.    Question five was something I had never thought of before, “Before a long road trip or time where a bathroom won't be available, what should you do to prepare?”    I had no idea. I wracked my brain for a long time, then I decided to quickly write, “Have someone put me in a diaper, just in case.”    Next was the labeling portion. “Label this diagram of a toilet.” It said.    “Easy.” I accidentally said outloud and a few people looked at me sideways. I labeled every part quickly, “Flusher, Toilet Seat, Lid, Bowl, Stem and Upper Decker.”    The final question took up an entire section. The Essay Section. The question read “In 500 words, explain what being potty trained means to you.”    “Alright, I can do this.” I thought, “This is my 5th time doing this test and my 5th time attempting this essay.”   I began to write, “To me, being Potty Trained is the grand divide between a mature and dignified life and the humiliation of babyhood. I've been put into many complex and frustrating situations due to my failure to potty train and seeing from an outside perspective this is one of if not the most important factor of life.    Potty training isn't just a symbol of maturity, its a demonstration of it. One having the ability to make the right choices and to hold their bowel movements and urinary releases until they make it to a safe clean location is show show of mental fortitude and strong morality.    Potty training is not only the ability to hold your accidents, but to know when they're coming and to know where to put them and to know how to put them where they need to go. Flushing a toilet is hugely important, it's not like a diaper where you ball up the mess and throw it in the trash. The toilet removes to poop for you.    I found out recently that you always need to wipe. Even when you make it to the potty. My good friend Delores taught me it's necessary. Delores has always been roll model for me. She potty trained when she was only three years old. To me, that's bravery, that's strength. To be able to do at just three years old that which many can't do until their thirties. It's incredibly impressive.”    I wracked my brain for a long time, but just couldn't think of anything more to say. I looked over at Ash's paper and saw she was still struggling with the written questions. I looked at the clock and saw three minutes left. “Shit.” I thought.    I looked at my page a decided to force out whatever I could. “Being potty trained means dignity. It means independence. It means a sense of pride. The means the feeling of having dry and clean pants day in and day out. Never having to request a grown ups help to clean my butt. Never having to ask someone to remove my diaper for a shower. It's a symbol of in dependence and strangely superioritiy.   As I look out at my class today, I know there are some who will pass and some who won't. If it so happens that I do pass I believe I'll find myself feeling better than those who failed. Just as I imagine they'll feel superior if I end up failing. I guess that goes into the nature of wolf pride-”    The alarm rang. ”Pencils down everybody!” Mrs Charleston called out.    I felt heart broken to have not been able to finish my essay, but now all I could do was pray.    “Hand your tests up to the person ahead of you until they all get to me.” Mrs Charleston said and we all did it. You may all play on your phones or mingle with eachother while I grade you, but don't get out of your seats.”    I looked over at Ash, “How do you think you did?”    “I didn't even finish it.” Ash said.    “I didn't get to finish my essay.” I told her.    “There was an essay?!” She was so horrified she slammed her head on her desk, “I'm so far away from passing that test.” She groaned.   I put my hand on her back, “It's ok.” I said.    Eventually we decided to push our desks together. Ash propped up her phone and we watched American Dad as we cuddled eachother for comfort.    “Alright everyone! Phones off!” Mrs Charleston shouted, “If I say your name, you passed and you can leave, your licences will be automatically updated on the Northwind app. If I don't say your name you'll stay here after for review.”    I felt my heart pounding in my chest. “I need this. I need to be in pull-ups. Six long months of learning and maybe just maybe I'll finally be out of diapers.”    “Duke, Clay, Alan, Sarah, Zari, Tanner, Blake, Donna, Setsuo, Mia, Susan, Blake M and Trent.”    “No.” I whispered, then I slammed my head on the desk. “No.” I whimpered. Ash wrapped her arm around my slouched back and I started sobbing. “No, no, nooo.” I kept repeating and whining as all the newly minted pull-up wearers slowly left the classroom.    “Alright everyone. Look up at me.” Mrs Charleston said.    I sniffled as I looked up at her, “We also got one person who passed within the acceptable range for a provisional licence. Emma.” She looked at me and my heart fluttered, “You got a 56% which puts you just in range for this provisional licence.”    “YEEES!” I shrieked.    “The provisions I'm putting on your license will allow you to wear pull-ups when you are under the supervision of someone who is potty trained.”    “What? What does that mean?” I asked.    “It's simple, if you want to wear pull-ups and get practice in at toileting you'll simply go on the Northwind app and hire yourself a babysitter. This babysitter will supervise your pottying and make sure you don't screw things up while you're just starting out. Any time you're not being babysat you'll have to be in diapers though.”    I swallowed my pride and nodded… “Ok. Thank you.” I said. It felt like there was molasses in my veins. It was sweet, but also bitter and thick and hard to move.    “But if you look in the licence section on the Northwind app it'll show your provisional licence.”    Mrs Charleston started going over the questions some students had missed, my head was vibrating. I was deep in thought of what this provisional license meant. “So I'll have to hire myself babysitters.” I thought, “That'll be so weird. Unlike my potty training licence I got my Independence Licence at a fairly normal age. I haven't had a babysitter since I was 15. It'll be worth it to have one so I can practice up on using the toilet. But who would I hire?   Surely I don't want a stranger watching me. But also doing it with anyone too close would effect the relationship. Ash isn't potty trained so she's out of the question. Matt could maybe, but he's my colleague, my equal, I wouldn't wanna make him my superior. Clarissa, my assistant is potty trained, I'm so strongly above her as her direct boss that maybe her babysitting me would even things out.”    I tried to pay attention for a few seconds, but my mind went straight back to the provisions.   “Then there's at home. I could hire random babysitters from the Northwind app. Or maybe I could go to the nursery on the bottom floor of my building. Matt could babysit me from across the hall and it could be like casual babysitting. He's just there if I need something.”    I continued to think like that for a long time and before I knew it class was over.    “So Emma, you wanna come back to my place and celebrate?” Ash asked. “We can get Heinze to babysit you and you can borrow one of Wolfy’s Pull-ups.”    “Yeah. That sounds great.” I smiled and Ash smiled back, it felt warm and soft.    Wow! I'm excited to hear your opinions on some of my others! The one in proudest of us "An Old New Student" I strongly recommend it!    Tight I'll be down to read the lyrics for sure 😁 songs from the heart are the best kind. I can only hope I get softer with age too ❤️