2011

I know how things work down there. I never said I wanted constant dribbling, I want the EUS disabled, and hopefully that is the outcome. Also it is very different to remove EUS and bladder neck / inner sphincter. That is done for prostate cancer etc. and leaves you with leakage but most regain continence from just the voluntary and stronger external sphincter and will get stress incontinence. Removing the external sphincter is a completely different picture, and will make you functionally incontinent even though things also depend on how your inner sphincter (not voluntary control) functions.

16)     Preschool The car journey to preschool seemed to take forever, even though it was only ten minutes down the road. My heart was racing and I was very anxious about what the day would have in store. I had a t-shirt and a pair of shorts covering my diaper but Lana had clipped my pacifier onto my t-shirt just in case I needed it. After we pulled up and got out of the car, Lana gave Sophie her Dora the Explorer bag before giving me a bag which contained my supplies for the day. The bag had unicorns all over it but that seemed to be the least of my problems as we entered the building. We walked into a classroom that was full of toys, colouring books, story books and much more. A tall lady smiled as we walked in and came over to greet us. ‘Hey guys, how are we doing?’, she asked. ‘Sophie is very excited’, Lana replied. ‘Aw, I bet she is’, smiled the lady, ‘we’ve only got about ten children in today so it should be fairly quiet’. As Sophie ran off to start playing, the woman turned her attention to me. ‘Hi, I’m Sarah’, she grinned, ‘you must be Tommy’. ‘Hi’, I said nervously. ‘Lana has told me all about you’, said Sarah, ‘I hear you’re going to be joining us today’. I shuffled my feet anxiously. ‘Don’t worry’, Sarah smiled, ‘we’re going to have lots of fun’. Suddenly, a bell rang. ‘I’d better go and let the children in’, said Sarah. I couldn’t believe it. Sarah had just accepted the ‘big baby’ as if it was normal. I was starting to miss my former teenage self. Lana put our bags away and turned to me. ‘Why don’t you go and choose an activity and I’ll check on you in a bit’, she said. I felt silly being spoken to like a toddler. As the other children started to enter the classroom, I quickly dived over to the colouring station and began shading in one of the pictures. I kept my head down and avoided eye contact. After all of the children had entered, Sarah rang a small bell. ‘Attention everybody’, she beamed happily, ‘we have somebody new with us today. His name is Tommy and I want you all to make him feel very welcome’. I blushed as I felt everybody’s attention turning to me. I waved awkwardly before quickly getting back to my picture. However, after colouring another picture, I felt the juice that I’d had at breakfast, making its way down to my bladder. The thought of wetting myself in public felt humiliating but I knew I didn’t have a lot of choice. I tried to focus on doing some colouring as I started peeing in my diaper. I felt pathetic being in a room full of toddlers wearing a wet diaper. I just hoped that this nightmare would end soon. - I managed to blend in throughout most of the morning. I did some colouring, some painting and even made a giant tower out of building blocks. The other children seemed pretty impressed by my building skills. Suddenly, I heard Sarah ring the bell again. ‘Attention everybody’, she smiled, ‘potty time’. I watched anxiously as all of the children stopped what they were doing and went and formed a line at a large door. I wasn’t sure what to do and slowly made my way towards them. ‘Hang on’, said Lana pointing at a different door, ‘you and Jonathan can line up over there’. I walked over to the other door whilst a little boy followed me. I watched curiously as one by one, Sarah helped all of the children to use the toilet. Lana came over to me. ‘Why are we standing over here?’ I asked. ‘Because you and Jonathan are still in diapers’, Lana replied, ‘this is the changing room’. My jaw dropped as she opened the door and ushered the little boy inside. I was told to go and fetch my bag whilst she changed Jonathan’s diaper. I immediately started to feel very shy and embarrassed, knowing that I hadn’t even graduated to Pull Ups. It wasn’t long before Lana opened the door. Jonathan ran out and went off to play. ‘Your turn’, said Lana looking at me. ‘Please’, I begged, ‘don’t change me here’. ‘Does your diaper need changing?’ she asked. ‘No’, I insisted. Lana ushered me into the changing room and immediately pulled down my shorts. She stuck her finger inside the waistband of my diaper and frowned. ‘Tommy, you’re soaked’, she said before lifting me onto the changing table. I laid down and started to sob. ‘That’s a bit worrying’, Lana said. ‘What is?’ I asked whilst continuing to sob. ‘You didn’t even realise that your diaper needed changing’, Lana replied, ‘we’re definitely not ready for big boy pants yet, are we?’ I couldn’t take it anymore and started crying which immediately prompted Lana to put my pacifier into my mouth. As I started sucking on it, I watched as she unzipped the unicorn bag and pulled out some wipes, powder and a fresh diaper. I couldn’t believe that this was my life now as my wet diaper was removed and Lana began cleaning me with baby wipes. I needed this day to end. - After my diaper change, it was time for lunch. Thankfully, the highchairs at the preschool were too small for me. However, I was still made to sit at a little table with the rest of the children. Lana gave me a little lunchbox along with a baby bottle. I opened up the lunch box to see that she had made me a sandwich. Of course, it was cut up into smaller pieces. I also had some slices of apple and a little yoghurt. Despite everything, I was quite hungry and started to tuck in. I noticed that I was the only one with a baby bottle and that everyone else had a sippy cup. I felt a little shy as I drank my juice. I looked up and saw Sarah grinning at me. I decided to avoid all eye contact with her. - When lunch was over, we were all made to sit on the carpet ready for ‘Number Time’. I rolled my eyes as Sarah started teaching the class how to count to five. It was agony watching the children struggling to count when I could quite easily do it. ‘Does anybody know what comes after the number two?’ Sarah asked everyone. The children thought hard about it. ‘Three’, I blurted out as I tried to move things along. ‘Well done, Tommy’, Sarah smiled, ‘but don’t forget to put your hand up if you have something to say’. I sulked and really started to feel like a little kid again. After learning about numbers, I sat through another boring fifteen minutes of learning the ABC. I suddenly noticed a few of the children starting to yawn. At first, I thought that they were bored but it soon became clear what it meant. ‘Okay everyone’, said Sarah, ‘nap time’. I watched in amazement as everyone made their way over to a corner of the room that was filled with blankets. Each child took a blanket and laid down on a mat. ‘Come on Tommy’, said Sarah, ‘choose a blankie’. ‘Do I have to take a nap?’ I groaned. ‘If you come to our preschool then you have to join in with everybody else’, Sarah replied. ‘Look’, said Lana holding up a blanket, ‘Dora the Explorer, your favourite’. I sighed and took the Dora the Explorer blanket before finding a space on the mat. ‘Sweet dreams everyone’, Sarah whispered as she lowered the lights. As I looked around, a few of the children had pacifiers in their mouths. For the first time, I didn’t feel self-conscious and put my pacifier in. I felt a bit silly trying to sleep at 2 ‘o’ clock in the afternoon. However, I did my best and rested my eyes. There was silence in the room apart from the sound of pacifiers being sucked. It was actually quite soothing and I managed to nod off for ten minutes or so. - Before home time, I was made to once again sit with the other children as Lana read them all a story. I didn’t pay an awful lot of attention and spent most of my time watching the clock as the minute hand slowly ticked. Finally, the bell rang and it was time to go home. I waited patiently as Lana and Sarah released the children to their parents. Sophie stood with her bag, ready to go home. After the children had all gone, I helped to tidy up before Lana announced that we were heading off. ‘I hope you had a nice time’, Sarah smiled at me. ‘Um… yeah it was great’, I mumbled. ‘I bet you’re looking forward to doing it all again tomorrow’, she giggled. That was when I snapped to attention. It had never occurred to me that this would be a daily occurrence. I couldn’t spend another day at preschool. How was I going to survive the week?

The catheter is needed in order to hold open the cut. Without it, the cut can heal back together again.  Most people who get a sphincterotomy are already dealing with incontinence issues. Usually a blockage or muscle problem of some type. So most people who het it done are already on the verge of leaking as it is. If a person with a normal muscle control gets it done, it's at best 50/50 to cause leaking. Usually closer to stress leakage, not dribbling. And like I said before. You have 2 sphincter muscles. Even completely removing 1 muscle will not induce 100% functional incontinence. And you're only getting 1 muscle weakened via a single cut. I'm not saying you won't get any kind of incontinemce from just this one surgery. Just don't expect it to result in constant drupping all of the time.

Thanks. I did talk to my local pharmacist before. They said an item number change on the order would likely trigger a pharmacist review. And they could deny it. Especially for the pack prints. But I agree the color would have a better chance of pharmacy approval. But if I get my doctor to put in the number change then it would almost certainly go through. I have that coming up in 3 months, so hopefully you'll have the new blue with the USA Megamax by then. Either that or I'll try for the pack prints.

Gotta love that fiber speed hehe