2011

Chapter 3    2 weeks later…   Hunter rolled around in the bed uncomfortably. He hated this. He was mortified. How could Jake do this to him? He knew that was a selfish thought, but his present situation was not allowing him to be considerate of his partner. There was no way he was ever going to get used to this.    He promised Jake he would try harder. He told him he would keep working his program and try to stretch out his trips to the bathroom at night.  They tried that for a week.  He actually even put himself on a timer where he stretched out his daytime bathroom breaks to improve his holding capacity at night. It didn't work, the only thing it actually accomplished was him nearly having two accidents during the day. Being fair, he was at home and intentionally waiting until the last second, but still. He felt embarrassed having Jake watch a timer inside the bathroom while he had his fingers hooked inside of his joggers and undies waiting for the second that he could yank them down.     He also knew how close it was. How badly he had to go, how he was lightly leaking in the seconds before he was allowed reprieve. The only thing worse than all of that was knowing that Jacob was watching him and could read all of this on his face. Maybe he didn't know about the leaks, as he would always turn around and leave the bathroom when time was up, but Hunter knew and he didn't like it one bit.    The last night before this all started, Hunter got up twice to go and nearly didn't make it both times. He was waiting until the absolute last second. There was a damp spot in his underpants both times. He tried his hardest to wait it out, but it wasn't working.    So now here he was.  All alone in his big bed. Jake had finally had enough. He told him that things were going to change and they did. For years, they had maintained the guest room for when parents or other relatives stopped by. Sometimes the boys would have friends sleep over, but they now designated the downstairs playroom for that. The guest room became Jake's room, for the time being. Hunter hated it! He hated sleeping alone. He hated not being with his fiancé and sharing a bed.  Most of all, he hated that it was his failings as a man that had led to this point.    He was embarrassed that his beautiful, loving boyfriend wanted to sleep alone in another room, rather than sleep with him. He knew it was his fault, even though it wasn't. Part of him, however, grew resentful.  Jake may have had a fair point, but what about “in sickness and health?” How were they going to take wedding vows if Jake couldn't support him through this. Hunter was not naive enough to think this was going to get any better. The doctor basically told him this was a sign of getting older, he was bound to only get worse if every exercise and other program he tried only failed him.    He tried to think of ways to get his better half back into the room with him, but he kept falling short. When he finally came to accept this new arrangement, he insisted that Jacob go back to the big bed as he was the one causing the problem. Jake wouldn't hear of it. Besides, in a stinging retort, Jacob reminded Hunter that the master has its own bathroom and having the bathroom closer to the bed is much more beneficial to Hunter.  Hunter didn't like that Jake would imply that he could have an accident if the bathroom wasn't close by.  Especially since that quip was dropped in front of the boys when the new arrangement was discussed. Jacob assured him that it was necessary, otherwise the boys would think they were fighting and or breaking up. Neither of them wanted that. The boys had so much upheaval, they wanted them to be comfortable that their happy home was not being torn apart yet again.   The next week was awkward.  The boys all did things as a family. They shared meals, went to sporting events, had game nights.  Everything they had done before, but something was different. Something had changed. There was a barrier in their living space that did not exist before.  Hunter hated it.  Worst of all, he felt extreme shame and guilt over the whole thing.  It was his condition that caused the whole thing. He felt like less of a man every day.   One Friday afternoon, he and Jake were sitting on the back porch just enjoying a pleasant spring afternoon.  Both had gotten out of work early and they were just enjoying the calm. Mason was out, Luke was up in his room. They had all the time in the world to talk, but nothing to say.     “What's up?  You okay?”. Jake was genuinely concerned. He hated seeing his man like this. He could tell that something had changed in him recently. He wasn't the same energetic, fun guy he'd always been. He was tense, hesitant, bothered by something.   “Fine.”   “You're not fine. Come on, we can't keep going on like this. Please talk to me. Tell me what's going on with you.  I want to help.”   “You can't help, okay…” Hunter got up and walked into the kitchen. Jake thought about giving him his space, but decided against it. Something was wrong and he needed to get to the bottom of it.     Hunter had put up a good front since all of this started happening. He buried his embarrassment, he buried his self-disgust, he owed it to the other guys to not make things uncomfortable for them.   “Why can't I help?  Talk to me, Hunty.  This isn't like you. You're never like this. What is going on?”   Hunter had been so defensive about everything, that Jake braced for a bratty response. Maybe something laced with some anger. But that's not what happened. The most unexpected thing happened. Hunter turned around, and began to cry. Jake couldn't remember the last time he saw him cry.     “Baby.  What is it?  Now I'm worried.” He walked close and took Hunter's hands into his.   “I-, I can't.  I have already taken so much from you. I can't lay this on you. It's my fault. I can't stop. Nobody can help me.”   “Can't stop…. What are you trying to say?”   “MY BLADDER.  THE PEEING.  ALL OF IT.” Hunter screamed it out with total frustration. He realized quickly how loud he was. He wouldn't be surprised if Luke and half the neighborhood heard him.  He lowered his tone, but it was already out there and now he had to move forward.     “The doctor can't help, nobody can help. I can't stop waking up to go to the bathroom and it's costing me everything. I can't be with you anymore. Not like we're meant to be. Not like a couple.  I failed you.  You deserve so much more. You deserve to have a normal boyfriend that you can share a bed with and have a healthy adult relationship.  I'm holding you back and, heaven help me, I know it's selfish but I don't want to lose you, Jacob.  I don't want you to go away. I don't want the boys to leave. I don't want to lose our family.  I'm so afraid, but I also can't hold you back anymore.”   Stunned wouldn't even begin to cover how Jake felt in that moment. He had no idea that this was taking such an emotional toll on Hunter. At that moment, Jake felt about 3 ft tall. All this time he was thinking about ways to manipulate the situation to make it easier on him, while it was eating Hunter alive. He could not have felt any more guilty. Before he knew what he was doing, he immediately wrapped his arms around Hunter and pulled him into the tightest hug he can ever remember giving him.    “Shhh.  Hunter, babe, I am so sorry that you have been living with this secret pain. I had no idea that you were going through this kind of torture.  I have been so guilty of thinking of myself that I never once considered how this was affecting you. I want you to listen and I want you to hear the words coming out of my mouth. We are not going anywhere. We love you so much. You are everything to me, Mason and Lucas. We are a family and I am never going to give that up. You poor thing, no wonder you have been so stressed, It's probably half the reason you're peeing so much.”   “I don't want to lose you.  You're everything I ever wanted.”   “You're not.  I love you just as much as the first time I laid eyes on you. No more bad thoughts about us leaving. Do you understand me? That's not going to happen.  Ever!”   They spent the next few minutes crying it out and remembering how much they loved each other.  This led to a trip to the bedroom. The first time in months that they had been together in that way. It was a critical moment for both of them. The bond had not broken, they were still a team.    Afterward, Jake had excused himself, as Hunter wanted to take a little nap. He felt overwhelmed by the emotions that they had just been through. Jake was fine with this as he had a couple of things to take care of.    They had dinner together as a family. The tension had broken. Everybody was happier.  The black cloud that had settled over the house seemed to have finally lifted.  The boys noticed and they couldn't be happier.  It was the equivalent of having mom and dad make up after a fight, even though there had been no fight.    Before dinner, Jake had calculated his next steps.  He assessed the situation and decided that he needed to be proactive. He can no longer dance around this land mine anymore. He needed to pull the family together.  The younger guys went downstairs to do some gaming and have brother time. Jake ran to the store, while Hunter cleaned up and got everything done for the evening.   About an hour later, Hunter was laying in bed reading on his phone when the door opened. He was surprised to see Jake walk in. He looked good. The fit pair of boxer briefs hugging his perfectly curved hips. Hunter smiled. It had been a long time since he saw that beautiful man walk through that door at this time of night.    “To what do I owe the honor?”   “Maybe a man just wants to sleep with his soon to be husband, on a Friday night.  Am I welcome?”   Hunter had the biggest smile he had in a long time.  “You couldn't be any more welcome.”   They cuddled and watched a movie.  At one point, Jake went and brought them back drinks. Hunter was a bit concerned, but Jake asked if he trusted him and he didn't hesitate to say that he did. So they had drinks.  Jake gave Hunter something to take.  A sleep aid.  Hunter was reluctant, but Jake asked him again to give him his trust, and he did!   Hunter began to feel pretty tired. After another glass of water and then a trip to the bathroom, Hunter returned feeling just downright exhausted. Thinking about it, he rarely had a good night's sleep anymore.  Moving out of the room helped Jake, but didn't stop Hunter from waking up all the time.    “Hunter. I asked if you trusted me. You may notice that you're feeling pretty tired. That sleep aid is strong, but very safe.  You need it. This stress and paranoia has a lot to do with not getting adequate rest. It has to stop.”   “I do trust you, but my…”   “If you trust me, let me take care of everything. Don't worry about your bladder tonight. I don't even want you to think about the potty again.”   “I don't want to have any…”   “I've taken care of everything. You won't. Please relax. Come lay down.”   Hunter felt so good about things that he did not want to ruin the moment. He did trust Jake, too, if he was being honest. He laid down and stretched. Before he knew what was happening, he felt his underwear being pulled down.”   “Jacob, no!”   “You said you trusted me and you wanted a night together right?  This is how it has to happen!  No wet beds, no getting up to change sheets!”   “I don't want to.”   “Baby.  It's just us here. I locked the door. I told Mason and Lucas that you and I needed privacy tonight. They are not going to barge in here. Tonight is all about us. Let me take care of you tonight. Let me put this diaper on you and you can sleep right through the night without worry. We're not going to call it an accident, we're not going to call it a wetting, you're just going to close your pretty eyes and sleep all the way through until morning. When it's time for you to go wee wee, you're gonna do it right in the diaper, You're not even going to think twice about it.”   Hunter sulked, but truthfully he was too tired to put up much of a fight. His body was already starting to lose the battle to stay awake, and he was almost positive that he would end up needing that diaper under these circumstances. He nodded and barely kept his awareness long enough to hear the tapes being secured before he fell into a deep slumber.    Jacob secured the tapes, checked the fit and then slid Hunter's underpants back up over it.  This was perfect. Hunter's emotional mood tonight set the perfect background to introduce him to the benefits of getting a full night's sleep without having to run to the bathroom. He did feel a little guilty for taking advantage of the situation, but he knew there would not be a lot of windows to introduce this while Hunter's guard was down. He was able to accomplish it with no fight and with his boyfriend's consent.  It may only be peaceful for one night, but it had to start somewhere. This was no longer just about his need for sleep, it was about Hunter's.  Hunter needed good sleep for his health and it was up to Jake to help him find his way to it.  Tonight was a step, but there would be steps backwards.  He was ready.   He patted the front of the diaper and smiled. Then cuddled up to Hunter's side and let himself fall into his own peaceful sleep.  

I feel that pain too. I get my health care on a military base, but through my Tricare disabled retiree insurance. And the doctors on base rotate out every 6-12 months. I don't feel like I've had a real primary doctor in decades.

Very true.

I've written four chapters of a story about two unpottytrained women who fall in love while learning to use the toilet. I wanted to draw Ash, one of the main women, she's 27, she's in a punk band and she's confident in her opinions 

Unfortunatwly no. My mom thought my needing diapers was just a phase. One that lasted from age 4 through 18. After which it became peemanent anyways, from a bad car crash.