A SubReddit Called Quitting ABDL & The Questions It Brings. . .

[EroticAvenger]

So I was curious what this particular forum and its members thought of this subreddit I found while browsing reddit. Its called Quitting ABDL and as the name suggests its whole point is to bring to bear stories both horrifying or relatable from various members as they attempt to leave behind this fetish/kink (they specifically make a rather valid distinction between these terms). The main literature to start out with being here. 

The members give some rather choice words about communities similar to or the same as this one which I think would lead to a rather fruitful but respectable discussion I hope. 

One of the points they bring up is what they deem "toxic positivity" which they say communities such as this or other ABDL venues survive off of in a rather 'cult-like' mentality. Never questioning the core need to do just this or involve others regardless of whether they ever really desired to in the first place or they never should have to begin with. A repression, they say, to an unhealthy degree of what should be a rather obvious emotional sign (shame/disgust/mental unhappiness) to not 'give up' or embrace this but rather discipline oneself in avoiding such an indulgence. Do you think there should be dedicated threads/topics for people desiring to abandon this kink/fetish? Is it a failure of communities such as this that they restrict such options in the first place? Or is this rather telling of only toxic groups? 

Another intriguing point concerns what I saw on the Discord they have which was the rather prevalent religiosity of these de-tractors. Which brings up a question of the difficult nature regarding adherence to this fetish and a particular religious identity. I'm to hope those of a religious tinge on this forum will yield a response, for or against, the compatibility of this fetish and the religion they practice. 

A further point of issue that motivates a lot of them seems to be more akin to a plain and simple pornography addiction. To strictly DL participants of a strongly sexual sort I can see how its possible this fetish could conflict with one's personal sense of self-worth/shame as to want to abandon it straight out. Do you think the sexual elements of this fetish/kink are to avoided in general? Perhaps to an extent as to 'go back in the closet' so to speak? Or is it merely sexual roleplaying in combination with a partner (relationship or just for a meetup) that would make it seem less shameful? 

I'm not going to lie, there are many posts of people with rather strong opinions about ABDL in general to an extent that at first sight one would think to bury it as hateful rhetoric. However, there is a truth to much of what a good number of them have to say at least as regards the journey they felt they'd have to follow and continue to this day. . . not without a few slip ups here and there. Through what I've read I have boxed up what I have without an immediate intention to abandon this part of me but the possibility should always be considered within my hands. Not in anyone else's or in some purely impulsive drive. At least that seems to be another drive of some of them which is to take their impulsive drives by the reigns and chart out a path of their own unique creation.

Please do tell me what you have to think on this. 

[Apache Raccoon]

I came across The Quitting Sub-Reddit ABDL before last year or so, had a bit of a mini-crisis.

I see it as a good thing to have an alternative community for those who make the personal choice not to indulge in ABDL desires for whatever reason that might be.

As long as the quitters and indulgers don’t step on each others toes and both have their own space to do whatever then it’s all good.

 

[LGGrace]

This is a very interesting topic.  I believe that this could be an option for some people.

I have been drawn to diapers since I was around 4 years old.  I distinctly remember the day when I was 12, that it went from a curiosity to a 'need'/want to wear diapers.  I have been trying to suppress these feelings my entire life and didn't even know what an ABDL was until I was around 21.  Besides wearing a towel like a diaper in high school a few times, buying a pack of Goodnites when I was 19 and a pack of Depends when I was 20; I did my best to control this.  For most of my 20s, I would only wear a homemade diaper every now and again.  It wasn't until around this time last year that I bought my first pack of real diapers, Abena M4, and the relief of wearing them for truly the first time was immeasurable.  At the beginning of this year, I decided to start embracing it and now I always have a diaper supply and started buying little clothes too.  Don't get me wrong, I do my best to not let it interfere with my adult life and I don't need to wear diapers all the time. Just last week I didn't wear at all, because of things going on in my adult life.

I guess for the guy who posted on Reddit and some others it could be treated like an addiction.  In my case, I know it is not an addiction.  I spent the first half of my 20s as a hardcore drug addict and I mean hardcore.  I had at one point had a $100 to $200 daily drug habit and could not go a day without using without getting dope sick. It was nothing for me to do upwards of $500 worth of drugs in one day.  I have been hospitalized 3 times, been to jail twice, and have almost ODed countless times.  When I was 25, I finally decided to get clean and sober, and when to rehab for four months.  Afterward, I incorporated a lot of things the OP talked about in his daily life.  I go to the gym every other day, I build a relationship with my God, and pray and meditate regularly.  I even mediated with a Tibetan monk a few times.  I got back into some of my hobbies and started new ones.  I am now almost 5 1/2 years clean and sober and I rarely think about drugs and alcohol.  And when I do think about it, it is not in the same way I have ever thought about diapers, and definitely have no desire to use drugs when I think about drugs.

To make a long story short, I know what addiction is and personally, my ABDL side is not an addiction.  It is who I am, just like my sexual orientation or gender.  And we all know how damaging it is to a person to try and suppress being LGBTQ from a medical/mental standpoint.

I just joined this site a little over a month ago, so I don't have anything to say on 'toxic positivity'.  I have never been involved or read any of the posts from other ABDLs before then.  The only thing that I ever indulged in before joining was reading a lot of ABDL fiction stories and I didn't know that this was a thing until a little over 2 years ago.

As far as the sexual aspect of being an ABDL, I don't have much to say on it either, because for me it is almost completely non-sexual.  I do think from time to time that an MDLG relationship or being in a relationship with another ABDL would be fun.  For me, that is at the bottom of the list when looking for a partner.  As long as they accept it as a part of me and don't judge me for it, I don't really care if they want to get involved or not.

As far as religion goes, I don't see why it would be a problem.  I was raised Southern Baptist, and believe in God, but consider myself 'culturally Christian' now.  I think a lot of people like to cherry-pick religion too much today.  Case in point is people who are against gay people because of Leviticus, but the very next verse says that it is an abomination to wear clothes of mixed fibers.  When it comes to the commandments, Jesus was asked what is the most important to follow and he said to love God with all of your heart, mind, and soul, and to love thy neighbor.  Everything else is just window dressing.  I have read the Bible and Koran cover to cover and don't see why it would be a problem if you are Jewish, Christian, or Muslim.  I even saw on social media where a young woman posted a picture of herself lifting her skirt up to show that she was wearing a wet ABDL diaper and posting she just got home from church with a Bible verse written below. 

For me it is a part of me, but there is a lot more to me than just being an ABDL.  I look forward to seeing what other people have to say.

[DailyDi]

I wouldn't call us a cult of positivity exactly. We call people out when their fantasies go too far or the dreaded "in the news" appearances.

Obviously you wouldn't want to hang out here if you were avoiding ABDL.

[LittleAcorn]

Thanks for sharing that.  The pinned post is really interesting:

https://www.reddit.com/r/quittingABDL/comments/1bk7m6z/a_guide_to_getting_started_quitting_abdl/

I'm not looking at it as a guide for quitting, but the content about triggers, emotional needs, and how diapers end up satisfying some of those needs is a new way of looking at things for me.  Not sure if I think trauma plays a role, since I can't think of what that would be for me.

I feel like that is kind of trying to address the question of why some people like diapers, which is what makes it interesting to me.

[Elfy]

It doesn't seem healthy to me. A subreddit built on the idea of repressing something which is pretty deeply ingrained within us. I don't see there has being an upside to it.

The healthier thing would be to talk to each other and learn to accept yourself rather than trying to put part of you in a box and lock it away.

[OddlyEnough]

I know every time I tried to repress this, I ended up in a REALLY bad place. This sounds a lot like conversion camp for gay kids. 

[Little Sherri]

The world is full of sources for negative feedback for people who are wired in unconventional ways. Rare indeed is the space where people can explore their thinking in a relatively open, safe place. I can see where the "cult of positivity" critique comes from - for example, there are sites where people talk each other through the logistics of killing themselves supportively, and I definitely see that as a questionable sort of "positivity", for example. 

But here, when someone says, "I'm going into a purge cycle" or "I have to put this behind me", I don't see an outpouring of objections, generally; people say "I've been there" or relate their experiences or, often, they are understanding, and wish them well. And when someone comes here and says "I feel so alone - I can't talk about this with anyone, and I feel so screwed up, I hate myself... what's wrong with me!?!?",  they get "You are not alone." Which is powerful, and has probably saved lives. 

And they get questions like "Are you really hurting anyone, or mostly your wallet and your skin integrity? Should you hate yourself?" 

Whereas when someone says "I am compelled to wear just a diaper in public", they get shut down immediately by most posters - it's definitely not an avalanche of "Good idea!". 

SO people who have left ABDL or whose lives are not conducive to living with it, or who have been convinced by the 99% majority that this difference in them is one that needs to be repressed or expunged, probably need a place to not be alone too - and they've found it, on Reddit. It don't think it's a place that would agree with me - I am enjoying being at peace with my harmless interest in whimsical underpants. I know from a lifetime of experience that if I want negative feedback on anything that's different about me, it is available, in abundance. I was a DL from the dawn of my earliest memories, well before puberty, well before I could spell "diaper". I didn't choose this - it chose me. 

[oznl]

Positivity and negativity towards a particular topic are objective terms.  They become subjective when prefixed by “toxic”. 

Toxicity is pretty easy to test for in the science space but social toxicity is a value judgement projected by one group onto another that may or may not share those values via moral relativism.

There’s no doubt that ABDL behaviours can be confronting to the social norm and that some degree of negative social sanction can be expected from the general population.  In this particular self-selected demographic, the normative values are greatly skewed one way and it is unsurprising that the degree of sanction is high.

The corollary of that is that a place like DD is another self-selected demographic and is skewed the other way.

Is there an objective “correct”?  I don’t know.

I didn’t much like the neo-religious preoccupation with the negative: guilt, repression, fear etc.  It doesn’t seem very psychologically helpful to me.

It was an interesting perspective though.

[LittleAcorn]

Having discussions about trying to quit ABDL here would be like having an AA meeting at a bar.

[EroticAvenger]

On 4/16/2024 at 7:28 AM, Apache Raccoon said:

I came across The Quitting Sub-Reddit ABDL before last year or so, had a bit of a mini-crisis.

I see it as a good thing to have an alternative community for those who make the personal choice not to indulge in ABDL desires for whatever reason that might be.

As long as the quitters and indulgers don’t step on each others toes and both have their own space to do whatever then it’s all good.

I full heartedly agree. I'm to assume as well that they have their own collection of extremists and dreadful people with which the moderators stay busy. 

On 4/16/2024 at 7:40 AM, LGGrace said:

I have been drawn to diapers since I was around 4 years old.  I distinctly remember the day when I was 12, that it went from a curiosity to a 'need'/want to wear diapers.  I have been trying to suppress these feelings my entire life and didn't even know what an ABDL was until I was around 21.  Besides wearing a towel like a diaper in high school a few times, buying a pack of Goodnites when I was 19 and a pack of Depends when I was 20; I did my best to control this.  For most of my 20s, I would only wear a homemade diaper every now and again.  It wasn't until around this time last year that I bought my first pack of real diapers, Abena M4, and the relief of wearing them for truly the first time was immeasurable.  At the beginning of this year, I decided to start embracing it and now I always have a diaper supply and started buying little clothes too.  Don't get me wrong, I do my best to not let it interfere with my adult life and I don't need to wear diapers all the time. Just last week I didn't wear at all, because of things going on in my adult life.

I'm also one of those homemade diaper people, 😁! When I was rather young and couldn't get my hands on them through the internet, didn't have a debit card, or was unable to really leave the house alone so I had to get creative. Thick blankets, towels, and even those pads used for floor wetting pets. All fashioned as best as one could under tightfitting clothes/underwear to get close to what I thought the feeling would be similar to. 

Course, I was spoiled with a debit card along with disposable money and the glories of the internet such as Bambino or Rearz by the time I reached Highschool. 

Currently for me the desire to do so is there and comes in minor waves mostly when I'm in bed. Otherwise, I can function just fine without them for weeks to months or years if needed but I'd definitely have them in the back of mind. 

On 4/16/2024 at 7:40 AM, LGGrace said:

I guess for the guy who posted on Reddit and some others it could be treated like an addiction.  In my case, I know it is not an addiction.  I spent the first half of my 20s as a hardcore drug addict and I mean hardcore.  I had at one point had a $100 to $200 daily drug habit and could not go a day without using without getting dope sick. It was nothing for me to do upwards of $500 worth of drugs in one day.  I have been hospitalized 3 times, been to jail twice, and have almost ODed countless times.  When I was 25, I finally decided to get clean and sober, and when to rehab for four months.  Afterward, I incorporated a lot of things the OP talked about in his daily life.  I go to the gym every other day, I build a relationship with my God, and pray and meditate regularly.  I even mediated with a Tibetan monk a few times.  I got back into some of my hobbies and started new ones.  I am now almost 5 1/2 years clean and sober and I rarely think about drugs and alcohol.  And when I do think about it, it is not in the same way I have ever thought about diapers, and definitely have no desire to use drugs when I think about drugs.

To make a long story short, I know what addiction is and personally, my ABDL side is not an addiction.

Intriguing. . . perhaps I should also make a call back to what experiences I have with unhealthy obsessions or coping habits to keep me in check as well with regards to ABDL. Course, for me it wasn't hardcore drugs but rather alcoholic beverages. 

On 4/16/2024 at 7:40 AM, LGGrace said:

It is who I am, just like my sexual orientation or gender.  And we all know how damaging it is to a person to try and suppress being LGBTQ from a medical/mental standpoint.

Some people disagree on this point despite those rather upstanding and rigorous medical/psychological analyses. For every, "I accepted myself and it all turned out alright," you can look hard enough and you'll find someone saying they left it behind for the better. Regardless of whether they may a rather restricted minority.

On 4/16/2024 at 7:40 AM, LGGrace said:

As far as the sexual aspect of being an ABDL, I don't have much to say on it either, because for me it is almost completely non-sexual.  I do think from time to time that an MDLG relationship or being in a relationship with another ABDL would be fun.  For me, that is at the bottom of the list when looking for a partner.  As long as they accept it as a part of me and don't judge me for it, I don't really care if they want to get involved or not.

For me this is rather completely the opposite. It is highly sexualized and I've been wondering if that is in fact a problem waiting to snowball itself into obsession or 'porn addiction'. Ergo, why I'm taking a hiatus and even if I do get back into the saddle I'd consider getting into more the AB side of things or involve some kind of play related to edging/chastity. Mostly or in relation only to a partner of whatever standing.

On 4/16/2024 at 7:40 AM, LGGrace said:

As far as religion goes, I don't see why it would be a problem.  I was raised Southern Baptist, and believe in God, but consider myself 'culturally Christian' now.  I think a lot of people like to cherry-pick religion too much today.  Case in point is people who are against gay people because of Leviticus, but the very next verse says that it is an abomination to wear clothes of mixed fibers.  When it comes to the commandments, Jesus was asked what is the most important to follow and he said to love God with all of your heart, mind, and soul, and to love thy neighbor.  Everything else is just window dressing.  I have read the Bible and Koran cover to cover and don't see why it would be a problem if you are Jewish, Christian, or Muslim.  I even saw on social media where a young woman posted a picture of herself lifting her skirt up to show that she was wearing a wet ABDL diaper and posting she just got home from church with a Bible verse written below. 

Ha! Those from the quitting ABDL subreddit on their discord would say something similar but phrased in a negative standing to your position. As they noted at the beginning of their discord place of spirituality, 

Quote

Our culture has little concept of self denial. Instead it prefers self-fulfillment. So for me, when it comes to ABDL and I am faced with how much I desire it at times, I simply return to that central aspect of self-denial. 

The thing to remember too is that “self-fulfillment” on our own terms, in our own way, how we want it, actually doesn’t lead to life. In a beautiful, upside down kind of way, it is actually self-denial and death to self that produces real life.

Matthew 16:24-26
24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life[a] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?

So, your point is rather proven I'd say unless someone else of a religious tinge wouldn't mind chiming in to give their own opinions on this verses' interpretation. 

As one of the commenters then said in response in that thread,

Quote

I know many who make the argument “God made me an ABDL so that’s what it is” when in reality the devil plays a part in that temptation, but God also gives us struggle as Christian’s to strengthen ourselves spiritually. I think it’s a common misconception and frankly a loose translation of nitpicking parts and pieces.

Edited April 18 by EroticAvenger
Grammar.

[EroticAvenger]

On 4/16/2024 at 1:00 PM, DailyDi said:

I wouldn't call us a cult of positivity exactly. We call people out when their fantasies go too far or the dreaded "in the news" appearances.

Obviously you wouldn't want to hang out here if you were avoiding ABDL.

One of the worries or frequent things brought up which disturbed members of that community were those regarding ABDL individuals who abandoned relationships as well as perhaps jobs to satiate this desire. Course, the specifics of those harrowing stories which put them off weren't given in detail. 

On 4/16/2024 at 1:27 PM, LittleAcorn said:

Thanks for sharing that.  The pinned post is really interesting:

https://www.reddit.com/r/quittingABDL/comments/1bk7m6z/a_guide_to_getting_started_quitting_abdl/

I'm not looking at it as a guide for quitting, but the content about triggers, emotional needs, and how diapers end up satisfying some of those needs is a new way of looking at things for me.  Not sure if I think trauma plays a role, since I can't think of what that would be for me.

I feel like that is kind of trying to address the question of why some people like diapers, which is what makes it interesting to me.

Sometimes its the most contrary positions which may reveal the most about your thinking. 

On 4/17/2024 at 5:29 AM, Elfy said:

It doesn't seem healthy to me. A subreddit built on the idea of repressing something which is pretty deeply ingrained within us. I don't see there has being an upside to it.

The healthier thing would be to talk to each other and learn to accept yourself rather than trying to put part of you in a box and lock it away.

You aren't wrong that some of it seems, off. On their discord spirituality thread one of them writes in response to another noting rampant misuse of tolerance in Christianity that, 

Quote

It’s true. I’m trying to gauge my day today by “how much am I denying myself?”

Take that as you will. Sometimes we require molding by the strict hand of mental authorities. Depending on the situation and people's responses to it; it could however look more in line with self-harm than self-improvement. 

On 4/17/2024 at 11:55 AM, OddlyEnough said:

I know every time I tried to repress this, I ended up in a REALLY bad place. This sounds a lot like conversion camp for gay kids. 

Yes, their are lots of religious tones and talk of highly valuing 'self-denial' but I'm to assume everyone their comes voluntarily. There is also no overtly judgmental attitudes of one to another merely shared stories of successes or failures and talk of support all around. 

22 hours ago, Little Sherri said:

The world is full of sources for negative feedback for people who are wired in unconventional ways. Rare indeed is the space where people can explore their thinking in a relatively open, safe place. I can see where the "cult of positivity" critique comes from - for example, there are sites where people talk each other through the logistics of killing themselves supportively, and I definitely see that as a questionable sort of "positivity", for example. 

But here, when someone says, "I'm going into a purge cycle" or "I have to put this behind me", I don't see an outpouring of objections, generally; people say "I've been there" or relate their experiences or, often, they are understanding, and wish them well. And when someone comes here and says "I feel so alone - I can't talk about this with anyone, and I feel so screwed up, I hate myself... what's wrong with me!?!?",  they get "You are not alone." Which is powerful, and has probably saved lives. 

And they get questions like "Are you really hurting anyone, or mostly your wallet and your skin integrity? Should you hate yourself?" 

Whereas when someone says "I am compelled to wear just a diaper in public", they get shut down immediately by most posters - it's definitely not an avalanche of "Good idea!". 

SO people who have left ABDL or whose lives are not conducive to living with it, or who have been convinced by the 99% majority that this difference in them is one that needs to be repressed or expunged, probably need a place to not be alone too - and they've found it, on Reddit. It don't think it's a place that would agree with me - I am enjoying being at peace with my harmless interest in whimsical underpants. I know from a lifetime of experience that if I want negative feedback on anything that's different about me, it is available, in abundance. I was a DL from the dawn of my earliest memories, well before puberty, well before I could spell "diaper". I didn't choose this - it chose me.

I fully agree as to the abundance of contrary positions which fill the internet. Its not the freedom of the internet without it. 

21 hours ago, oznl said:

Positivity and negativity towards a particular topic are objective terms.  They become subjective when prefixed by “toxic”. 

Toxicity is pretty easy to test for in the science space but social toxicity is a value judgement projected by one group onto another that may or may not share those values via moral relativism.

There’s no doubt that ABDL behaviours can be confronting to the social norm and that some degree of negative social sanction can be expected from the general population.  In this particular self-selected demographic, the normative values are greatly skewed one way and it is unsurprising that the degree of sanction is high.

The corollary of that is that a place like DD is another self-selected demographic and is skewed the other way.

Is there an objective “correct”?  I don’t know.

I didn’t much like the neo-religious preoccupation with the negative: guilt, repression, fear etc.  It doesn’t seem very psychologically helpful to me.

It was an interesting perspective though.

Such negative self-concepts are my morbid fascination and I also wonder what the 'objectively' correct lens is. Perhaps those from that community would cite my inability to immediately throw the gavel down but instead ask 'why' questions as part of some mental/spiritual issue which I haven't sufficiently dwelt with. 

So I enjoy playing a game with myself with regards to such thoughts. Though it might seem harmful, perhaps we should occasionally entertain such thoughts or feelings to the highest extant possible. Only to rebound and realize in what manner our previous equilibrium wasn't as balanced as we thought it was. However, we could also realize the strength of what was before as well.

21 hours ago, LittleAcorn said:

Having discussions about trying to quit ABDL here would be like having an AA meeting at a bar.

That's the thing! Aside from those who actively seek such help whether to embrace ABDL or repress it such pursuits are limited to highly personal, un-advertised, choices. 

Dissenting voices may fall on deaf ears to those who drink if not because they are addicted but rather because they are already in control of it. Course, that doesn't stop the chorus of such voices. 

Edited April 18 by EroticAvenger
Grammar.

[EroticAvenger]

Perhaps, I should ask another question to continue the discussion. . .

Do you consider your ABDL desires as delusional/self-deceptive? Are their benefits to even explicitly self-deceptive, perverted, behaviors? 

What makes a healthy relationship to ones' desires? Why?

*Where delusion or self-deception doesn't necessarily have to retain the same colloquial negative meaning. Perhaps its possible as the question hints at to paint it in a different light. 

As a post on the quitting ABDL reddit says regarding the topic of 'not denying yourself', 

Quote

Even scarier: if we learn to ignore that warning voice inside of us, what other unhealthy things may embrace? If we put that inner voice on mute, we'll run right into what is toxic all while it silently shouts, "I'm really worried about this! This isn't good! You gotta get out of here!" 

Edited April 18 by EroticAvenger
Clarification and quote addition.

[Permanently Pampered]

On 4/16/2024 at 3:49 AM, EroticAvenger said:

One of the points they bring up is what they deem "toxic positivity" which they say communities such as this or other ABDL venues survive off of in a rather 'cult-like' mentality.

Sounds like a New York Jets fan