So this is ironic... ?

[TomBoyAB]

You wanna know whats crazy?

I'M the one that feels like I'm looking after toddlers! ME! ?

I've got 7 siblings in total.

3 of them are in their twenties (just like me), but act like they're 2 (and not in a good way)!

Ironically enough, their mother babies them to the point where I'M the only one acting like an adult!

That's just... weird, you know?

For obvious reasons...? ???

They don't wash their dishes, they don't flush half the time and they STEAL FOOD THAT I BUY!

They don't ask to eat it, nor do they replace it...

Sorry for the rant, but I had to get it out somehow

Does anyone else feel this?

Like they are looking after LITERAL toddlers?

Anyway, sorry about that

I swear, this website is starting to become my new journal, or something ??

Hope yall have a good day and stay safe!:3

[Little Sherri]

I had an argument with my wife a few weeks ago where she tore a strip off of me and a couple of my friends; the background is complicated but we were working to assist one of her clients in getting out of a stupid situation of their own making, and, as is often said, no good deed goes unpunished. My wife has since come to her senses, and realized that we were trying to work in their best interests, but, in the moment, she was being completely irrational, and she finally tipped me over the edge, and I started laying out for her all the errors that had been made on the file, and suggesting that if her position is that she's been a paragon of professionalism while we've all been bumbling fools, then she should take a good hard look in the mirror. Her response to that was to jam her fingers into her ears and say "I can't hear you" over and over again. 

That put me in the somewhat ridiculous position of accusing her of acting like a child... while I was wearing a big printed diaper. I was dressed like a toddler, but she was acting like one. So I somewhat know how you feel! 

[~Brian~]

@Little Sherri

29 minutes ago, Little Sherri said:

That put me in the somewhat ridiculous position of accusing her of acting like a child... while I was wearing a big printed diaper. I was dressed like a toddler, but she was acting like one. So I somewhat know how you feel! 

Sometimes in life, you end up running into situations where you have to analyze situations that seem to be silly in one way or the other. I have a friend for example, who for example, would end up trusting me and another friend, call us for advice, ask us for help, and all that good stuff. We tell him where to go to get the help he requested, and who to contact, but this is where it gets interesting.

Sometimes he doesn't want to listen: will tell him to call somewhere, or go see someone. He'll tell us " I don't like talking on the phone, I get nervous."  I don't mind people saying that as much, because we all get nervous when we're talking to someone we don't know. I've been using the services in the Vermont State for the last 50 years of my life. When I was a kid, someone would help me by doing it on my behalf, or asking me certain questions when it was necessary, or me talking to someone. I have no problem talking on the phone, because I did that for many years doing tech support on campus and in many situations where people would call me and ask for help.

What happens is, this friend we'll complain that he doesn't have what he needs to both of us, but when we tell him where he needs to go or who he needs to call, he doesn't wanna do it.This is not a good idea, because he has children of his own, and he needs to know and learn how to get the services that he needs so he can function .

just like when you got mad at your wife, or that you disagreed with her, and she said that she " couldn't hear you", this friend who is probably 30 years my junior, will tell us when we are in our late 50s that we are "WRONG WRONG WRONG" when we are trying to tell him something, and we know that we are right. There are times when we say that what he is doing is "WRONG WRONG WRONG" and he thinks that it is "RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT".

So basically my friend and I are talking to this young gentleman, and we end up saying that he is wrong we are right, or he says he's right and we are wrong, so we keep on repeating wrong right wrong right wrong wrong wrong right right right.

This will go on until he tells us that we are not understanding what is going on, then he'll get mad, and then it may get a little more ridiculous. I remember one time there was a computer question he asked me, about something Google account related. I knew for example, that you can only use one Google account at a time, and for each time you get a Google account, you have to install your apps all over again. For some reason, he had the mistaken idea that the account that my friend used to get his phone back up was a different one, and I told them it was the one that I told them, and he told me I was wrong wrong wrong, and I told them I was right right right, then my friend told them that I was right right right...

So, if you think your argument with your wife was silly and ridiculous, this one was even more silly and more ridiculous, because both of us were right, he was wrong, and he wouldn't admit that we knew more than he did. I respect that friend, but he needs to take responsibility for his own actions, and when we give him instructions and give him the assistance that he requires, he needs to take the initiative. We cannot do everything for him, and I don't mind helping someone, but The thing is you have to take responsibility for your actions, and not try to start telling somebody that knows what is going on that they are wrong, and make you look stupid.

I can see why you would think that someone to think that it is a childish argument, and you are probably right: if your wife is the one who plugs her ears, and does not listen to you, then who is the one who is acting silly? You? Or her?

In my case, this argument is funny because I know what people need to be able to function on their own, and I've done it for 40 some odd years. I also know who to call to get information, and if I'm not sure I know how to get on that phone and make a phone call, and get the information I need. I'm not the type of guy to sit around and wait for something to be dropped in my lap. I take the initiative and I go forward all the way. Sometimes I make mistakes, sometimes I act like a fool, and sometimes I may be right, and sometimes I'm wrong, but in my example, person who is 30 years my junior thinks I'm always wrong? He he he he

such is the life of a single bachelor trying to help someone else!

I could just see if somebody had an argument like that on the forms: if somebody said that they were wrong wrong wrong, then someone said they were right right right? Then Mike would have to come in and Mike would probably have to send both of them to the corner - he he he.

 

Brian

PS: did you send your wife to the corner? He he he

 

Edited October 6, 2022 by ~Brian~
Word Edits added additional information as well

[TomBoyAB]

23 minutes ago, ~Brian~ said:

@Little Sherri

Sometimes in life, you end up running into situations where you have to analyze situations that seem to be silly in one way or the other. I have a friend for example, who for example, would end up trusting me and another friend, call us for advice, ask us for help, and all that good stuff. We tell him where to go to get the help he requested, and who to contact, but this is where it gets interesting.

Sometimes he doesn't want to listen: will tell him to call somewhere, or go see someone. He'll tell us " I don't like talking on the phone, I get nervous."  I don't mind people saying that as much, because we all get nervous when we're talking to someone we don't know. I've been using the services in the Vermont State for the last 50 years of my life. When I was a kid, someone would help me by doing it on my behalf, or asking me certain questions when it was necessary, or me talking to someone. I have no problem talking on the phone, because I did that for many years doing tech support on campus and in many situations where people would call me and ask for help.

What happens is, this friend we'll complain that he doesn't have what he needs to both of us, but when we tell him where he needs to go or who he needs to call, he doesn't wanna do it.This is not a good idea, because he has children of his own, and he needs to know and learn how to get the services that he needs so he can function .

just like when you got mad at your wife, or that you disagreed with her, and she said that she " couldn't hear you", this friend who is probably 30 years my junior, will tell us when we are in our late 50s that we are "WRONG WRONG WRONG" when we are trying to tell him something, and we know that we are right. There are times when we say that what he is doing is "WRONG WRONG WRONG" and he thinks that it is "RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT".

So basically my friend and I are talking to this young gentleman, and we end up saying that he is wrong we are right, or he says he's right and we are wrong, so we keep on repeating wrong right wrong right wrong wrong wrong right right right.

This will go on until he tells us that we are not understanding what is going on, then he'll get mad, and then it may get a little more ridiculous. I remember one time there was a computer question he asked me, about something Google account related. I knew for example, that you can only use one Google account at a time, and for each time you get a Google account, you have to install your apps all over again. For some reason, he had the mistaken idea that the account that my friend used to get his phone back up was a different one, and I told them it was the one that I told them, and he told me I was wrong wrong wrong, and I told them I was right right right, then my friend told them that I was right right right...

So, if you think your argument with your wife was silly and ridiculous, this one was even more silly and more ridiculous, because both of us were right, he was wrong, and he wouldn't admit that we knew more than he did. I respect that friend, but he needs to take responsibility for his own actions, and when we give him instructions and give him the assistance that he requires, he needs to take the initiative. We cannot do everything for him, and I don't mind helping someone, but The thing is you have to take responsibility for your actions, and not try to start telling somebody that knows what is going on that they are wrong, and make you look stupid.

I can see why you would think that someone to think that it is a childish argument, and you are probably right: if your wife is the one who plugs her ears, and does not listen to you, then who is the one who is acting silly? You? Or her?

In my case, this argument is funny because I know what people need to be able to function on their own, and I've done it for 40 some odd years. I also know who to call to get information, and if I'm not sure I know how to get on that phone and make a phone call, and get the information I need. I'm not the type of guy to sit around and wait for something to be dropped in my lap. I take the initiative and I go forward all the way. Sometimes I make mistakes, sometimes I act like a fool, and sometimes I may be right, and sometimes I'm wrong, but in my example, person who is 30 years my junior thinks I'm always wrong? He he he he

such is the life of a single bachelor trying to help someone else!

I could just see if somebody had an argument like that on the forms: if somebody said that they were wrong wrong wrong, then someone said they were right right right? Then Mike would have to come in and Mike would probably have to send both of them to the corner - he he he.

 

Brian

PS: did you send your wife to the corner? He he he

 

I know that exact feeling! ? you can't tell anything to some people ?

They blatantly refuse to believe they could ever be incorrect about anything!

Its frustrating when you just want to help them, but in those cases I've learned that if they TRULY need/want the help, they'll follow your advice (even if they won't admit it ?)

[~Brian~]

55 minutes ago, TomBoyAB said:

You wanna know whats crazy?

I'M the one that feels like I'm looking after toddlers! ME! ?

I've got 7 siblings in total.

3 of them are in their twenties (just like me), but act like they're 2 (and not in a good way)!

Ironically enough, their mother babies them to the point where I'M the only one acting like an adult!

That's just... weird, you know?

For obvious reasons...? ???

They don't wash their dishes, they don't flush half the time and they STEAL FOOD THAT I BUY!

They don't ask to eat it, nor do they replace it...

Sorry for the rant, but I had to get it out somehow

Does anyone else feel this?

Like they are looking after LITERAL toddlers?

Anyway, sorry about that

I swear, this website is starting to become my new journal, or something ??

Hope yall have a good day and stay safe!:3

@TomBoyAB

from 1995 until 2006, I lived with three other people in what they called shared housing. That means that there were four bedrooms, each of us had our own bathroom and our living space in our bedrooms, and then we shared a living room and a kitchen. We also shared refrigerator space, and we had our own refrigerators in our apartments and our own microwaves. Because I was the primary person living in the unit of shared housing, my microwave was the primary one that was in the kitchen, and there are a lot of different dishes and stuff that we used.

Then, we would get into a routine where if we made stuff or if we made a mess, we would clean it up the best we could. Sometimes we would share responsibilities like doing the dishes, taking out the trash, and other things like that. This worked well for a while, because most of us understood that if we made a mess or if we use the kitchen, we couldn't leave it in a mess for somebody else to use, and we couldn't leave a bunch of dishes in the sink, because somebody coming into our living space could see how our kitchen looked. It was my primary responsibility to make sure the kitchen was in good condition and would automatically have no problem should the landlord come in.

Then of course I was living with a friend who had Down syndrome. He also had a fondness for food. I've known this friend for a lot of years, but this time what he would do is he would see something that I liked, such as ice cream sandwiches. He would ask me for one every once in awhile, and then I would give him one, sometimes I would say no to him, and I thought that was that. Then I find out, that this individual was taking stuff out of the freezer and eating all of my ice cream and then what he would do is he would put the empty box with all of the wrappers back in the freezer, and then my brother and I would come home and we'd want some, and it would disappear. This has been something that had happened for a long time, so we made a deal that every time that happened he would get punished, because he didn't ask me for permission to eat the food, he didn't have permission to take the food, so he had to replace double what he took.

Then one of my other roommates moved into this: this guy was a slob. He would cook awesome food, and then he would leave the mess all over the floor, all over the counters all over the stove, and just leave a mess. 95% of the time I would be doing dishes when he didn't do dishes, or I would do dishes, clean the kitchen up, and then out comes my roommate wanting to make something. I finally told them that we all have to work together, and we all have to work very well, so each of us has responsibilities so we need to split it up. that for a while comma and it was pretty

then of course, I had two friends that were visiting. Both of them we're very opinionated, and both of them had a mind of their own. One night they got mad, and they had a fight in my shared living room. I come out to take care of something in the kitchen, and I find that this person is acting like a 2 year old toddler: they were arguing yelling and causing a scene, throwing things at each other like a 2 year old would if they had a temper tantrum . Next thing I know., I sent one of my friends out to check on the situation, and apparently knives were thrown. I had to step in and calm this down real fast, and then I called the police , the landlord came in and we cleaned out all this mess , getting rid of the two individuals that were causing issues. One visitor was  told if she did it again, a violation would be placed on her lease, while the second person was given hell by me, because one or more people in the shared housing unit were disabled and under guardianship of people that could probably get us in a lot of trouble. I gave this guy hell, and told him to knock it off , then I turned to the two ladies that were acting like 2 year olds, and I told one of them that was yelling at me to calm down.

Needless to say, I know what you feel like. When you have to do all the work, or you feel like you have to watch everything going on, or you have to needle your roommates to do something, that is a pain in the neck period from 2007 to present, I've been living in my own unit, and I'm 100% responsible for anything happening within it, I'm responsible for cleaning it, and taking care of things.  I don't care if someone wants to fool around, I don't care if somebody has a disagreement, but when it gets to the point where you get a little antsy, you have to make sure that you're not going to cause a scene. I drew the line when dangerous weapons were being used and thrown at one another, because one of my roommates is in a wheelchair, and could get hit by objects that were being thrown.

The young lady that lived in the unit upstairs, was the one who was acting like a 2 year old, while the other one was trying to calm her down. I'll never forget it, because she told my other friend that all she had to do was to be placed in juvenile detention, and then she wouldn't have to do anything if she made a mess. She said as she would end up making a mess in her holding cell, and that she wouldn't have to clean it up. That friend of mine laughed and said: you're full of it, because I've been in detention and they won't make you clean it up! 

I think that was the only time in my young life where I thought things were degenerating to the point of almost infantile behavior. One of my friends was trying to be the adult in the situation, while one of them was losing it, and had to be told to calm down and relax. She insisted on doing it her way, and she was the one that was acting like a 2 year old. Such is the life of a guy living in a shared environment.

Now I live in my own unit, in the same place I lived in 2006, except that they've upgraded our units. I don't have to worry about people acting like babies, I don't have to worry about people having arguments, and I don't have to worry about stopping fights in the middle of the night. i told the landlord that I'm glad I live in my unit, and I don't have to watch other people. Sure, I take care of my roommate next door, because we've known each other for over 20 years, and that is common. However, in this situation, I almost peed my pants on a couple of occasions, because afterwards I thought of how infantile this whole situation was and how it got to the point where people were throwing things at one another. I kind of thought of having two two year olds in a room, and they're both having an argument, and they throw rattles or toys at one another and try to hit each other in the head. Luckily it wasn't that bad, but you get the point!

I love kids a lot, and I put up with a lot from a lot of kids, because I know they're young and they have to learn. One thing I can't stand however, is that 2 adults that are supposed to be adults, are acting like 2 year olds. One of them is trying to calm the other one down, and she's not having it, and she causes a scene. When I talked to my roommate about this, I can get him laughing so hard he will pee his pants, because he realizes how silly it was. At the time it might have been dangerous, but years later it's just something that we can laugh at because we can sit and reminisce about silliness that got way out of hand, for silly reasons.

Brian

[~Brian~]

7 minutes ago, TomBoyAB said:

I know that exact feeling! ? you can't tell anything to some people ?

They blatantly refuse to believe they could ever be incorrect about anything!

Its frustrating when you just want to help them, but in those cases I've learned that if they TRULY need/want the help, they'll follow your advice (even if they won't admit it ?)

@TomBoyAB

you are so right! My friend in my example can be very stubborn! Me and my other friend who are trying to help him could give him information and make it really easy for him to get the information, if he would just follow what we're telling him. We're not ordering him to do it, and we're not yelling at him, and we're not trying to be mean to him, but in life you have to make the decisions for yourself, that you think are right. If every time a hard decision comes along, and you ask for help, and then you don't take the help, and you don't take the advice, then that is counterproductive.

I could just see @Little Sherri's wife, refusing to listen to him: sticking his her fingers in her ears, and then repeating I can't hear you, and then he has to do deal with that. I could just about imagine what would happen, if the argument got a little bit more interesting, if his daughters happen to be in the room or come into an argument like this comment they have to tell both of them something about how silly it is. I could also see a situation where someone not listening, can cause issues. It's one thing to have an argument over something, and hopefully the argument isn't over something that is safety related or something like that, because most arguments can be solved very easily, but as he said, when his wife put her fingers in her ears, that is an indication that he might have to take it to the next level.

Let's use kids for example: they are very perceptive and they know what's going on: you don't have to tell them much of anything, because they can figure it out most of the time for themselves. Kids have issues because they don't understand how things work, and they go to adults to ask for help. When an adult refuses to act like an adult, and refuses to take responsibility, then it can be a problem because you have to be an adult in a situation that requires it.Shutting down, and refusing to listen will cause issues because you will still have to deal with the same situation , it just may be that it takes longer to get it settled. I am an uncle myself, and I always try to be the best example possible . My nieces and my nephews know the rules, and they know the boundaries. If they go beyond the boundaries, a grandmother or a grandfather will end up giving them a warning, like my dad does, and give them two choices, most of the time they make the right choice, sometimes my dad or my stepmom have to make a choice for them, but they usually follow through and do as they're asked.

using what you used as an example above:  if he refuses to listen and thinks he's right all the time, and thinks that we don't know what the heck we're talking about, even though we do, because we're older than he is, does that make him almost like a 2 year old in the example above where my two friends were fighting throwing things at each other? I can understand him not understanding something, but I'm not going to hand him the answer, because if I always did it like that, and my other friend was helping him and always helped him every single time, it makes it harder for him to learn. If he would accept help, and know how to handle situations, then what would happen is he would remember what we were talking about, and he would have the ability to handle telephone calls. Some people aren't good on the phone, and I understand that, but refusing to listen and then telling somebody that is older than you that you are constantly wrong wrong wrong, and he is right right right, that's silly silly silly!

And if a person is lazy, and they don't take care of their business, it can quickly get under your skin, and then you have to crack the whip! That's what happened to that other friend: she decided that she needed help, so she sought us out, and then acted like a lazy fool, we let her stay for two days, and she left a mess. My other friend actually helped her clean her apartment out make it nice and clean, and then insulted her! Go figure?What the heck?

I'm glad that I listened to a lot of different people, and that I have the experiences I do. I don't claim that my life is any better than anybody else's, and I don't claim to know everything that I need to know either. I rely on others that have more experience in certain areas than I do, and I use their assets and their abilities to help me learn so that I can learn those skills. If you're willing to learn, anything is possible, but you have to be able to listen, because people that are more experienced than you, or older than you, or have been around longer than you have been down the road that you're traveling! You have to give them the benefit of the doubt, and then learn from their tutoring, and learn from your own mistakes! If you don't do that, then you basically thinking that somebody is going to do it for you, and you're not gonna learn a thing

in closing, I'm glad that my my mom, my dad, my grandparents and other family members taught me respect and responsibility. They told me that it is my responsibility to take care of my business, and it is their responsibility to take care of theirs. They told us to treat people with respect, and always be respectful of somebody else. My friend that told us that we were constantly wrong wrong wrong needs a kick in the can, because he thinks that we don't know what we're talking about, and being stubborn, he'll have to learn it the hard way. Sometimes you have to learn stuff in the hard way, but if you seek out some body's advice, you should listen to it and then figure out whether you should accept it, because that is your right and your responsibility. It is not the responsibility of others to take care of someone else's business unless they are unable to take care of it themselves. I still laugh about this situation because I've learned so much about being responsible and being the type of guy that doesn't mess around.

Sometimes I wonder, should I go to my brother James's and watch my 3 nieces: see what they do, and see how they interact?  Sometimes I think that life can be wicked hard. I spend time for example with my nieces and I realized that family is very important, and time that you spend with your nephews or your nieces or your family members can be time that is treasurable, and I look forward to the day that I can go back and see my brother James again: I love my brother James a lot, and I love the way he takes care of his children and his wife. Responsibility is given, but responsibility is also something that you learn. People who refuse to listen, or refuse to accept somebody else's outlook we'll be hard pressed in life, because sometimes what they think is wrong is right!

Brian

[feralfreak]

why are these other people in your house? if it was me i might get mad and show it, something like "ALRIGHT! IVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS, Y'ALL BETTER FUCKING LISTEN UP CAUSE IF I HAVE TO REPEAT IT, ITS GONNA GET FUGLY! YOU EAT IT, YOU WILL REPLACE IT, YOU USE THE SHITTER, YOU WILL FLUSH THE DAMN THING! I HAD BETTER SEE SOME FUCKING CONSIDERATION OR IM GONNA START GRABBING Y'ALL AND TOSSIN YA OUT THE DAMN DOOR!"

That might be a bit extreme, but ive got a short fuse anyway, its ok to set boundries and rules, there is an old saying that applies to EVERYTHING, "good fences make good neighbors", so start establishing some boundries and be firm, you dont have to be like i typed but be assertive. if they dont like it, its on them, they can leave, and its YOUR home.

Quote

 

 

[rusty pins]

I agree!  Who owns the house?  If it's you, drop the bomb and tell them clean up their act or it's out the door!  If it's your house they should be paying rent and respecting you and your property.  I get the idea since you said, "3 of them are in their twenties (just like me), but act like they're 2 (and not in a good way)!  Ironically enough, their mother babies them to the point where I'M the only one acting like an adult!"  That leads me to believe you all live under the same roof and since you said their (your) mother babies them, it's her house.  Do they have jobs and work or just loaf around the house?  Sadly, if not, your mom is not doing them any favors.  She is spending her money to support them, they don't work and when she passes away they will be up shit creek with no skills or ways to support themselves.  Who's going to hire a 50+ year old who has never had a job and no work experience?

If it was me I'd try and get my own place if I could and let them all lay in the mess they have made for themselves.  Otherwise if it's not your house and you live there, not much you can do about it unless your mom stops babying your siblings and makes them show responsibility.

 

[TomBoyAB]

I appreciate everyone letting me vent about this and seeing that my points are actually valid.

I'm kinda used to being told I'm "being dramatic and/or paranoid", tbh ?

Unfortunately, the house is NOT owned by me, we are all renting

Its just so... frustrating,  you know?

I have 2 jobs, I buy my own groceries, pay for what I need, etc.

And if I need financial help, I pay people back.

But just some of these behaviors are ridiculous!

Like a couple of months ago, for example.

One of my jobs at the moment is at Spirit Halloween. 

If you tell them you wanna "stick around for build and tear down", that means you're there for the initial building and take down of the store(s). You can earn up to $16/hr during build and tear down, so you know I was gonna be there ?

So, needless to say, when we're setting up stores in Central Virginia in late July, it gets HOT? .

One day, I come home from a typical 9-5 during a build day ( which is basically me and the guys carrying and putting up walls that can be as light as 25 lbs to as heavy as 80 lbs), so when I get home, I'm drenched in sweat, dirt and dust.

All I wanna do is make my way to the kitchen, make a sandwich, and sit down for 5 minutes before getting a shower.

I'm making my sandwich, when I use the last piece of bologna that I bought.

So naturally, I go to the trash can to toss the packaging out, when I notice its full.

I think to myself: "I'll just get it later, I'm too damn tired right now"

When I hear my step brother from behind me say: " Yeah I noticed that the trash was full. Be nice if someone could take that out..."

... People...

When I say it took every fiber of my being to not turn around and call him out...

I literally just got home from carrying 80 lbs walls and building a fucking store for 7 hours (since we were given an hour lunch during build) in 95° heat...

... and he has been home ...ALL...DAMN... DAY...

I had to take a deep breath and walk away. 

He has Autism. I try to respect that. He and my younger brother are on the spectrum.

But here's the thing:

He is sharp as a tack! He's HIGH FUNCTIONING!  

And I've seen him take out the trash before.....

So what the flying fuck is getting in your way from doing it right now?!

Unbelievable! 

I love my family... but Sweet Jesus, this entitled attitude gets to be a little much at times...??

And I completely agree.

Unfortunately,  when the sad day of my step mother's passing comes, these kids are... in big trouble ?????

 

[vvp39]

You may as well get used to the idea, right now, that when your stepmother passes they well expect you to be the one to take care of them...and be emotionally ready to deal with that.

[TomBoyAB]

6 minutes ago, vvp39 said:

You may as well get used to the idea, right now, that when your stepmother passes they well expect you to be the one to take care of them...and be emotionally ready to deal with that.

Well, they better be prepared for a RUDE awakening...

I'm all for helping out, but only for people willing to help themselves 

[feralfreak]

13 hours ago, TomBoyAB said:

I appreciate everyone letting me vent about this and seeing that my points are actually valid.

I'm kinda used to being told I'm "being dramatic and/or paranoid", tbh ?

Unfortunately, the house is NOT owned by me, we are all renting

Its just so... frustrating,  you know?

I have 2 jobs, I buy my own groceries, pay for what I need, etc.

And if I need financial help, I pay people back.

But just some of these behaviors are ridiculous!

Like a couple of months ago, for example.

One of my jobs at the moment is at Spirit Halloween. 

If you tell them you wanna "stick around for build and tear down", that means you're there for the initial building and take down of the store(s). You can earn up to $16/hr during build and tear down, so you know I was gonna be there ?

So, needless to say, when we're setting up stores in Central Virginia in late July, it gets HOT? .

One day, I come home from a typical 9-5 during a build day ( which is basically me and the guys carrying and putting up walls that can be as light as 25 lbs to as heavy as 80 lbs), so when I get home, I'm drenched in sweat, dirt and dust.

All I wanna do is make my way to the kitchen, make a sandwich, and sit down for 5 minutes before getting a shower.

I'm making my sandwich, when I use the last piece of bologna that I bought.

So naturally, I go to the trash can to toss the packaging out, when I notice its full.

I think to myself: "I'll just get it later, I'm too damn tired right now"

When I hear my step brother from behind me say: " Yeah I noticed that the trash was full. Be nice if someone could take that out..."

... People...

When I say it took every fiber of my being to not turn around and call him out...

I literally just got home from carrying 80 lbs walls and building a fucking store for 7 hours (since we were given an hour lunch during build) in 95° heat...

... and he has been home ...ALL...DAMN... DAY...

I had to take a deep breath and walk away. 

He has Autism. I try to respect that. He and my younger brother are on the spectrum.

But here's the thing:

He is sharp as a tack! He's HIGH FUNCTIONING!  

And I've seen him take out the trash before.....

So what the flying fuck is getting in your way from doing it right now?!

Unbelievable! 

I love my family... but Sweet Jesus, this entitled attitude gets to be a little much at times...??

And I completely agree.

Unfortunately,  when the sad day of my step mother's passing comes, these kids are... in big trouble ?????

 

i get that they are autistic, i am too, there are things we dont get, but he knows when to take it out, its not wrong to call him out on it, right then and there, ".. it would be nice if someone took that out " should be followed with "then do it! ive been working all damn day, you just sat around on your ass so do some work and help me out here damnit!"

3 minutes ago, feralfreak said:

i get that they are autistic, i am too, there are things we dont get, but he knows when to take it out, its not wrong to call him out on it, right then and there, ".. it would be nice if someone took that out " should be followed with "then do it! ive been working all damn day, you just sat around on your ass so do some work and help me out here damnit!"

if you can, you need to look for a place of your own, a cheap apartment, a campervan, something.

[~Brian~]

@TomBoyAB

I agree with my colleague: people may be disabled, and there are differing variable things that have to deal with severity of disability. My contention is, that regardless of what type of disability it is, unless it is something that is a cognitive disability where a person is severely disabled and unable to understand what is going on, there really isn't any excuse for anyone to just lounge around and do nothing, and then have to be told to do everything. There are some individuals that need prompting and guidance every once in a while, and I can deal with that, but the thing that doesn't make any sense is that if the people that you live with understand what is going on, and know that there's certain stuff that has to be done in the house, all they're doing is being lazy in my mind, and then they wait for you to do it, and of course, you being hard working individual, come home to find things not done in the house: this is unfair and ridiculous!

I lived with a friend of mine that had Down syndrome. I've also had an aunt that had Down syndrome. Regardless of what happens, each person has their own abilities and their own personality, and each of them is unique. One thing that is always apparent is that there is a way to tell how much a person understands about certain responsibilities. For example, my aunt that had Down syndrome always had certain responsibilities at the house. She was given responsibilities that her parents knew and her brothers and sister knew that she could handle. Her main responsibility was emptying the dishwasher after every run. When I was at Grammys house, I would sometimes help her with this responsibility because I thought it was fun and it was easy to do. I would end up volunteering to do it when she didn't want to do it sometimes, but 90% of the time she would do that chore without even being asked twice.

I understand that some people are disabled, and you only can deal with them on a certain level. By that I mean that you deal with a person based on what they understand and how they understand things. You set up responsibilities based on what they understand and how they handle things. Sounds to me as if this individual just wants to be lazy. If all he has to do is take out the trash, and he knows that he should take it out, and he's standing in front of you and says something about not taking it out or forgetting to do it, then we know that he is capable of doing that job. To me, it's his responsibility to take out the trash, and that is that.

My friends and I used to call this quote " knowing the basics".  My friend knew exactly how to do these tasks, because he lived with other people before he lived with us. He knew how to take care of things like taking out the trash, doing the dishes, vacuuming and cleaning the room, and other things like that. Every single time that he would try to get away with it, I would call him on these and tell him that he needs to take care of his own responsibilities. If that didn't work, he had support staff that would also call him on things that were important to be taken care of, because they would always hold over the fact that he could be moved to another person's home where he would have to live with that family under that family's rules. Of course, that usually snapped him out of it, but most of the time he would take care of things without too much prompting. Sounds to me like these individuals think that they can get away with it, because you're just there, and by default they expect you will take care of it when they don't feel like it. That is wrong. They should be taken care of their own responsibilities, and if there are simple responsibilities that these individuals do in the house, they should be expected to take care of them in an appropriate amount of time, or they would be held accountable for not doing it.

In my case, I knew that my friend was capable of doing the things that he was doing, and when I caught him doing things that he shouldn't, I would call him on it as well. I told him that no one else would put up with the type of stuff that he was doing in the apartment, and that he was lucky that I didn't call him on more things, but he knew the basics, and there was no excuse for him to be lazy. I remember one time his mom found out that he didn't go to work and he was being lazy, so she came right down to the apartment complex, went right into the apartment, went into his room shut the door, and then let him have it full blast. I had to do dishes that day, so I ended up doing them, and while I was doing the dishes, another roommate came out of his room into the kitchen and we're sitting there talking as I'm doing dishes, and we can hear, not by design, his mother yelling at him saying that he had just decided that he wasn't going to do anything today, and that isn't the way it works. Then, this friend came out of his room and gave us hell because we were in the kitchen and we were talking, and he thought that we were eavesdropping on the entire conversation! I told him in no uncertain terms that we weren't eavesdropping, and that he did something wrong, and if his mom thought he was doing something wrong and came down to give him heck, then that is exactly what happened and I had nothing to do with it. I also told him that if he didn't want to get a check from his mom, then he needed to take care of his own responsibilities, and stop shutting down and letting things happen. I told him that if that is the way he was going to act, things could change awful fast, and his case management team could get really nasty and play the game by different rules, and he wouldn't like it. He straightened out soon after that, and then moved out almost a year later.

To this day this friend of mine lives in an apartment on his parents land. He is a lot better off this way, because he can do what he wants, mostly when he wants to do it, and he is expected to do many things, but I don't think that he gets away with as much as he tried to do when he was living with me and my other roommates. My point is is that regardless of how a person deals with their disability, there are certain responsibilities that they must complete every day. If they don't complete these responsibilities, someone will probably have to get after them, and then hold them accountable for their actions. In my opinion, someone needs to be held accountable to make sure that these things get done, and you may have to be the one who does it. It is not a bad idea to let these guys know in no uncertain terms that you expect certain things to be done: even if they are simple things, anything that you can have them do to help you would make it a lot easier for you. In my estimation, there is no reason why anyone should not have the responsibility to do simple things around the house. This could mean things such as doing dishes, taking out the trash, vacuuming the living room or something like that. Things that are simple for people to do, and the more that is done for you, the less you have to do when you get home, and I'm sure there are a lot of things that you have to do, being busy.

There are times when I even feel like I don't want to do anything, but I don't end up shirking my main responsibility, and then try to put it off and make excuses for not doing it. Everyone has specific responsibilities they have to complete every day, and I don't care whether you're disabled or not. People can be taught how to do certain things and then given responsibility based on their ability to comprehend how to do things. If your roommate can handle these responsibilities, then I would say that it is time that either they start doing exactly what they're supposed to do, or they end up finding new places to live. I'm not sure to what level that can happen, but if you're all living in one house, everybody needs to be able to do certain things to help each other out. There's no excuse for not doing what you should do, and everybody has basic responsibilities: I mean everyone has to eat, take a shower, use the bathroom, take out the trash, and all these types of things. These are basic things that everybody needs to do every day. No one needs to tell them that it needs to be done, but I've even seen individuals who are severely disabled who need to be taught, but even after that, they know what needs to happen, because it's part of what they do every day, and some autistic people for example do things a certain way, because they have a routine down they know what they're supposed to do every day, and that's how they function.

I'm sorry that you feel the way you feel: I know how hard it can be if you live with other people and roommate situation, and then somebody decides that they're not gonna do something, and then you have to pick up the slack because everyone else is lazing out. I hope that whatever happens, you will be able to impart to these individuals how important it is that they step up and do the basic things but they're supposed to do. Doing basic chores is not hard to do, in fact doing basic chores is something I have to do every day, and I for example hated to do dishes for the longest time period however, I know I have to do the dishes so I do them because they just have to be done.

I wish you all the best keep us advised!

Brian

[rusty pins]

Simple, autism or not.  HIM:  " Yeah I noticed that the trash was full. Be nice if someone could take that out...".   YOU:  "So why don't you take it out then"?

[babyalan]

Unfortunately trying to help only ends up hindering them and hurting yourself , the description you gave is one of total disfunction and them taking total advantage of you, I would say its time for you to separate yourself from this unhealthy and hurtful relationships in order to be yourself on you own so you can discover how it feels to baby yourself and be the toddler you want to be.